Q: We used to make love at least every other day, then it dropped to once a week and now it seems like we barely do it once a month.
We both miss it, but we have lots going on and making time for sex has fallen by the wayside for a multitude of reasons.
When we don’t have time for sex, how can we still feel close and connected?
Is there anything that can make us feel like a couple, the way sex does?
A: Ah the blissful morning after making love: you’re smiling, you have a spring in your step, you sneak meaningful, secret glances with your lover, your partner feels more like your seductive lover than your significant other and/or co-parent, you can’t keep your hands off each other, and you’re sure the sun is brighter and birds are chirping louder because all is good and sweet in the world and in your life – oh happy day.
Post-sex contentment hits every person differently, but it is true that after lovemaking, couples feel more connected, more attuned to each other’s needs, communicate more effectively, and the body chemicals flooding through one’s veins and brain is enough to make one feel, well, very loved up.
But some couples don’t have as much time for lovemaking as they would like.
So they may miss out on this blissful morning after glow.
Some couples believe that if they don’t have time for sex, they don’t have time for much else together, either, so intimate shared time becomes a luxury, or left to be experienced infrequently and rarely in a couple’s life.
But it doesn’t have to be. Couples who feel they don’t have time for sex, or are just too tired or too busy with other competing important priorities don’t have to neglect their intimacy altogether.
Couples can certainly feel bonded, giddy and loved up through other means, not only sex.
Yes, sex is a powerful magnet between partners, but if you’re strapped for time, energy or have other reasons you can’t get enough sexy time together (perhaps one person travels or you work varied hours from one another or have small children or others living with you etc), there are other ways to get your gooey loving exciting thrilling feelings more often.
1. Dance. Hold your partner close. Next time your partner is in the same room and you go to open a social media app on your smartphone, stop, and use the minutes you would have spent swiping a screen with your thumb instead swaying to a song on one of your music apps with your love.
2. Whenever you are out together, hold hands. Public displays of affection make you feel close, and make you proud to be together as a couple. Take every moment, no matter how small, to connect and to remind yourselves that you choose each other, every day.
3. Laugh. Lots of people are only witty and entertaining to strangers or company outside their relationship and family. Be funny. Find humour in life together. Reminisce about shared good times and hilarious memories. Build your foundation in part by holding on to the good things that keep you together and make the ride together worthwhile. Feeling light and laughing together is an important part of your shared life together.
4. Have a conversation, just the two of you, every day. Okay so you may not have time for sex, but you always have time to talk, about something interesting or intimate, for at least 10 minutes, whether it’s on the phone or in person. You’re adults who share a connection and fell in love with each other’s minds as well as bodies. Don’t forget to nurture that!
5. Shower together. Yes, it might lead to a quickie. But either way, it’s sensual couple time together, and it’s skin on skin contact and you may even squeeze in a conversation too!
Curated by Erbe