zfortadmin, Author at Love TV - Page 31 of 50

Author: zfortadmin

What Does Your Credit Score Say About Your LOVE Life?

by zfortadminin LOVE

Over at the U.S. central bank, the jury’s still out on whether inflation’s set to trend back toward policymakers’ 2 percent target.

But a new working paper published at the Federal Reserve Board draws some conclusions that might help prevent your heart from deflating.

Let’s just say you’ll never look at “credit unions” the same way again.

Economists Jane Dokko, Geng Li, and Jessica Hayes presented their findings about the role that credit scores have in predicting the stability and potential longevity of a relationship that’s starting to get serious.

The trio scoured quarterly data from the Federal Reserve Bank of New York’s Consumer Credit Panel, based on information provided by Equifax that includes a “risk score” similar to the more commonly known FICO measure of an individual’s probability of failing to meet their credit obligations in the not-too-distant future. Because personal identifiers are stripped from the data by Equifax prior to delivery, the researchers are agnostic as to whether the couples they identify are married or merely cohabiting.

“In light of the growing prominence of credit scores in households’ economic and financial opportunities, we are interested in their role in household formation and dissolution,” they write, noting that their analysis centers on the initial match in credit scores and quality at the time a committed relationship begins.

The start of a committed relationship is marked by the quarter in which two individuals who did not share an address begin to do so, and, for the purposes of this study, requires that they live together for a minimum of one year. Other filters are applied to the data in an attempt to minimize false positives.

Here’s a summary of their findings:

People with higher credit scores are more likely to be in a committed relationship and stay together
People tend to form relationships with others who have a similar credit score as them
The strength of the match, both in the headline credit score and its details, is predictive of whether or not a couple is more likely to break up for observable reasons pertaining to finance and household spending; and
Credit scores are indicative of trustworthiness in general, and couples with a mismatch in credit scores are more likely to see their relationships end for reasons not directly related to their use of credit.
Those are some pretty bold conclusions to draw. But the proof, the economists say, is in the numbers — and, although correlation doesn’t equal causation, in some instances their results also have both practical and intuitive underpinnings.

Controlling for other factors, individuals whose credit scores are one standard deviation above the mean are 14 percent more likely to enter into a committed relationship over the next year than average, according to the economists. In other words, if you’ve had trouble meeting your financial obligations, your wherewithal to stay current with someone else’s life is also probably suspect.

The results indicate that these partnerships are more likely to endure.

“Among the relationships that survive the first two years, a one standard deviation increase in the initial average credit score implies a 37 percent lower chance of separation during the third and the fourth years of the relationship,” wrote the economists.

Major imbalances between people in committed relationships — when one person is considerably more physically appealing than the other or earns significantly more — tend to be a potential source of conflict that bubbles not too far below the surface. And a wide gap in credit scores between people in a committed relationship is just another manifestation of such a powder keg.

“[T]he initial score differentials are strongly predictive of the stability of the relationship,” reads the report. “The odds ratios show that, for example, a one standard deviation increase of initial score differential (66 score points) implies a 24 percent higher likelihood of separation during the second year and during the third or fourth year, and 12 percent higher during the fifth or the sixth year.”

Moreover, the similarities between individuals when it comes to the components that go into generating a credit score (negative events, usage of lines of credit, length of credit history) also have “a statistically and economically significant bearing with the likelihood of separation in the third or fourth year,” the researchers wrote.

Credit scores, the economists reason, have a real impact on how financially intertwined two individuals will become.

Couples that have similar credit histories are more likely to take on joint ownership of a mortgage, the researchers discovered. Taking on this burden together could therefore be perceived as a pair of financial handcuffs, or something that raises the transaction cost in the event of a breakup.

On the other hand, a chasm between credit scores suggests that a couple’s access to financing, or good terms on those funds, could be impeded and blamed upon one individual. That’s a recipe for tension.

The probability of an adverse credit event is also something that increases as the credit score differential between partners widens. According to the report, “a one standard deviation increase of the initial credit score differential is associated with a 19 percent higher chance of filing for bankruptcy during the first two years of the relationship, while the odds are 10 and 15 percent higher for foreclosures and having more of derogatory records, respectively.”

The findings on the strength of partnerships with similar credit scores also speaks to the phenomenon known as assortative matching; the notion that, in relationships, “opposites attract” does not always apply.

This is true in the animal kingdom, often for practical purposes: Individuals within a species and of a similar size find the copulating process easier. For homo sapiens, this can also hold for nonphysical attributes, like religious affiliation, level of education, or, apparently, credit scores.

In a sense, this revelation also serves to amplify the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet. The star-crossed lovers came from “two households alike in dignity” — and, presumably, creditworthiness, making their compatibility self-evident. Default, to adapt a line from another of the Bard’s plays, was not in their stars.

But there is also a residual correlation between credit score differentials and conscious uncouplings — that is, the two tend to trend together for factors beyond the aforementioned observable financial channels.

This leads the economists to hypothesize that there is something about credit scores that is indicative of an individual’s “underlying trustworthiness,” and that such a trait is essential for a healthy relationship.

By introducing a pair of equations to this effect, they manage to strip out any remaining vestige of romance from human relationships:

We begin with setting forth the following stylized, conceptual framework

Pr(default) = f(trustworthiness) + η,

and

credit score = g(Pr(default)) + µ

In sum, the equations contend that an individual’s “underlying trustworthiness” — however subjective that term may be — is positively correlated with his or her credit score.

The researchers note that credit reporting agencies and lenders used to collect color on a person’s reliability and moral character, and these survey-based assessments of trustworthiness and credit scores also tend to have a large amount of overlap.

As such, the economists find support for the notion that “credit scores matter for committed relationships because they reveal information about general trustworthiness.”

So the next time your significant other asks, “What’s your number?” you might want to make sure you’re on the same wavelength before answering.

Curated by Timothy
Source: bloomberg.com

Cuban Love …And Where Are the Babies?

by zfortadminin LOVE

…they will be waiting a long time.

HAVANA — A magnetic energy courses between Claudia Rodriguez and Alejandro Padilla, binding the couple in clichés of intimacy: the tendency to finish each other’s sentences; hands that naturally gravitate toward one another; a shared laughter that forms the soundtrack of their romance.

What their love will not bear, for the moment, is a family. Though they plan to marry and have children, they will wait — until they are no longer sharing a small apartment with a half-dozen others, or perhaps until obtaining diapers and formula is no longer a gamble.

In short, they will be waiting a long time.

“You have to take into consideration the world we live in,” said Ms. Rodriguez, 24, who says she has had two abortions to avoid having children too soon. Clutching Mr. Padilla’s hand, she said, “It would be so much harder with a child.”

By almost any metric, Cuba’s demographics are in dire straits. Since the 1970s, the birthrate has been in free fall, tilting population figures into decline, a problem much more common in rich, industrialized nations, not poor ones.

Claudia Rodriguez and Alejandro Padilla are planning to marry, but they are not certain when they will be able to afford to raise a child. Ms. Rodriguez, 24, said she has had two abortions to avoid having children too soon. Credit Daniel Berehulak for The New York Times
Cuba already has the oldest population in all of Latin America. Experts predict that 50 years from now, Cuba’s population will have fallen by a third. More than 40 percent of the country will be older than 60.

The demographic crisis is both an economic and a political one. The aging population will require a vast health care system, the likes of which the state cannot afford. And without a viable work force, the cycle of flight and wariness about Cuba’s future is even harder to break, despite the country’s halting steps to open itself up to the outside world.

“We are all so excited about the trade and travel that we have overlooked the demographics problem,” said Hazel Denton, a former World Bank economist who has studied Cuban demographics. “This is a significant issue.”

Young people are fleeing the island in big numbers, fearful that warming relations with America will signal the end of a policy that allows Cubans who make it to the United States to naturalize. Until recently, a law prohibited Cubans from taking children out of the country, further discouraging many from having children to avoid the painful choice of leaving them behind.

Those who remain in Cuba say they are also reluctant to have children, citing the strain of raising an infant in a country where the average state salary is just $20 a month.

“At the end of the day, we don’t want to make things more difficult for ourselves,” said Laura Rivera Gonzalez, an architecture student, standing with her husband in central Havana. “Just graduating doesn’t mean that things are resolved. That won’t sustain us.”

Ms. Gonzalez embodies a common feature of the Cuban demographic crisis: As the government educated its people after the revolution, achieving one of the highest literacy rates in the world, its citizens became more cautious about bearing children. Scant job opportunities, a shortage of available goods and a dearth of sufficient housing encouraged Cubans to wait to start a family, sometimes indefinitely.

“Education for women is the button you press when you want to change fertility preferences in developing countries,” said Dr. Denton, who now teaches at Georgetown University. “You educate the woman, then she has choices — she stays longer in school, marries at an older age, has the number of children she wants and uses contraception in a more healthy manner.”

There is another factor that alters the equation in Cuba: Abortion is legal, free and commonly practiced. There is no stigma attached to the procedure, helping to make Cuba’s reported abortion rates among the highest in the world. In many respects, abortion is viewed as another manner of birth control.

In Cuba, women are free to choose as they wish, another legacy of the revolution, which prioritized women’s rights. They speak openly about abortions, and lines at clinics often wrap around the building.

By the numbers, the country exhibits a rate of nearly 30 abortions for every 1,000 women of childbearing age, according to 2010 data compiled by the United Nations. Among countries that permit abortion, only Russia had a higher rate. In the United States, 2011 figures show a rate of about 17.

Pages: 1 2

Romance… Science Approves

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Weddings… When hopeful couples walk down the aisle, clasp hands and exchange vows to love and cherish till death do they part.

But in today’s world—full of distractions and choices—when whole websites are devoted to finding clandestine sexual partners, how realistic are those dreams of lifelong commitment?

As it turns out, science may be coming to the rescue of romance. A recent paper, co-authored by University of Minnesota psychology professor Jeffry Simpson, along with Garth Fletcher of Victoria University, Lorne Campbell of the University of Western Ontario, and Nickola Overall of the University of Auckland, gets at the very nature of romantic love and contends that romance is not only an ancient and widely cross-cultural phenomenon, but that it—as well as monogamy—played an important part to our evolution as a species.

The paper defines romantic love as, “a commitment device, composed of passion, intimacy, and caregiving,” and goes on to explain that romantic love was a key factor that, in domino-like fashion, resulted in humans’ complex brains, survival strategies, and social behaviors. The chain effect goes something like this: the need for two parents to raise children was facilitated by romantic love, leading our ancestors to have fairly monogamous relationships that resulted in greater paternal investment and higher infancy survival rates. That, in turn, cemented familial bonds and created close, complex, kin-based communities that helped humans survive—and thrive. In short, you could say that if it were not for romance, we might not be “human” at all.Published in February in Perspectives on Psychological Science, the paper, Pair-Bonding, Romantic Love, and Evolution: The Curious Case of Homo sapiens, synthesizes previously published studies to examine romantic love from a multi-disciplinary perspective: from the chemical and biological, to the evolutionary, cultural, and social.

Cynics may balk at such a seemingly sentimental and overarching statement, and indeed, there are crucial questions that are raised—what about polygyny, for example? The paper addresses many of these questions and finds that regardless of the situation, “love and pair-bonding remain powerful forces that must be controlled and managed.” For example, evidence suggests that polygamous families have more conflict and violence than monogamous families, perhaps because their very nature challenges the notion of monogamous, romantic love.

But what about divorce? Infidelity? Here’s where the picture gets a little murkier for those impending brides and grooms.

Stone Age Monogamy?

While the paper makes a strong case for the importance of romantic love, it also explains why today’s long-term commitments may be more difficult to maintain. First, it is important to emphasize that the paper addresses romantic love and pair-bonding, not marriage.

Marriage as a social construct is a very recent phenomenon compared to thousands of years of evolution. Our ancestors had much shorter lifespans and in lived in small familial groups of 50 – 150 people that met other groups only occasionally. “We have a Stone Age brain that’s dealing with a modern environment to which we are not fully adapted,” says Simpson.

“You turn on the television, you open up a magazine, and you see all kinds of attractive people. How many would you have seen if you lived 40,000 years ago? Maybe 10 in your life. So you go from 10 options to theoretically—in terms of the images—to thousands. What does that do to you? What does it do to your relationships?”

Simpson says that there is a good amount of evidence that we as a species evolved to be serially monogamous. “What I mean by that,” he clarifies, “is most of our ancestors probably were fairly monogamous with a single partner until they moved onto the next relationship.”

And just how often were people changing partners? The paper states that passionate romantic love usually lasts for a short period of time when a child could be weaned and become less dependent. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the peak periods for divorce in most cultures and ethnic groups today is four years.

So are those hopeful couples doomed? Is it delusional to walk down that aisle? Are lifelong commitments ill-advised?

Definitely not says Simpson. “You don’t want to suggest that just because something evolved in a certain way it’s good in relation to our current values and practices. We evolved to fear outgroups, and that’s causing all kinds of problems in the world right now.”

Indeed, the paper suggests that, “across cultures, the probability of divorce sharply declines across time as a function of increasing investment in relationships and the weeding out of unsatisfactory marriages. This pattern is precisely what would be expected if pair-bonding in humans was ‘designed’ to produce successful long-term relationships.”

So what would Simpson say to those folks about to take the plunge?

“Love changes as relationships grow and develop. It transforms into different kinds of love as one moves across different life stages. You have to be committed to maintaining that love, even though it doesn’t feel like it did in the early passion stage. The people who are more likely to stay together are the ones who can learn to appreciate the different meanings of love through new, changing life experiences. You oftentimes think of love as an automatic process, but it requires a lot of work, forethought, and commitment to last.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Crying and How to Embrace It

by zfortadminin Mind

From time to time, one or the other is going to cry. Some people are natural at being present with a crying partner, but others really struggle to know what to do, how to respond, what to feel, what to say.

If you are not the cause of the tears, it is good to hold and hug and say what is happening in a kind, gentle voice. E.g. “You’re sad; you’re crying; it’s so sad; I’m so sorry you’re sad”. You don’t need to say much and you don’t need to say anything clever. Just say what is happening.

Do not say, “Better to get it out; you’ll feel better after a good cry”, etc.

Do not say, “Oh, don’t cry; please don’t cry; big boys/girls don’t cry”, etc.

The encouragements to cry and the instructions not to cry are both examples of what people do when they are not comfortable with being in the presence of tears. They find it hard to attend to the other’s sadness and instead attend to their own agenda of reducing their own anxiety.

If you are the cause of the tears, it is good to hold and hug, too, but respect a rebuff. Don’t insist on hugging when your tearful partner has indicated that she or he wants you to keep your distance. What you are being told to do is “stand back and witness the unhappiness you have caused.” This does not mean you can leave the room; it means stay, attend, but respect the current wish for you to give your partner some space.

If you are allowed to hold and hug, do so while saying, “I’m so sorry; I can’t bear to see you so sad; I can’t bear to be the cause of your unhappiness; I’m very sorry.”

Do not ask for forgiveness, do not debate the issue or try to apportion blame or to say it is 50/50. It may be 50/50, but now is not the time to say it. Now is the time to offer comfort.

If you do not know the cause of the tears, it is good to hold and hug, while asking, “what’s happened? Why are you crying? Do you want to tell me?” Respect any signals to keep quiet, or to stop asking questions, or to stop hugging. The questions that I have suggested, however, are likely to draw a response that will clarify the cause. Be patient, let the tears flow, and then when your partner can speak, he or she is likely to tell you the reason.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Truly Sexy People Do These 4 Things

by zfortadminin Body, SEX TIPS

Last year, I became acquainted with a man who was truly one of the sexiest people I’ve ever met.

I met him via a friend of mine who had gone out on a few dates with him and was absolutely besotted. She was not alone. Apparently, this man had his pick of many women, most of whom were very physically attractive.

The clincher was he was not particularly stunning looking himself. In fact, if most people passed him on the street, they wouldn’t have given him a second glance. He was at best an average-looking man with thinning hair and a slight pot belly.

Still, he definitely had it—a charisma that can only be experienced in order to do it justice. Within minutes, I understood completely why this man had managed to charm my friend and so many other women: he seemed instinctively in tune to the fact that the biggest and most thrilling sex organ any of us possesses is the one between our ears.

I freely admit that naturally sexy people have been the objects of fascination and envy to me ever since I was 13 and tried (unsuccessfully) to be one of those sexy types by carefully following the tips and advice inTeenmagazine.

I didn’t just fail in my fruitless attempt, but I failed miserably.

Like many, I mistakenly thought that all one needed to be sexy was to have the “right” look, the “right” voice, or the “right” clothing.

I was wrong.

True sexiness often has nothing whatsoever to do with appearance and contrary to what the media tries to sell us, it cannot be bought at the local mall.

While I have yet to harness the magical formula for myself, here are a few things I have noticed after having spent time around the truly sexy.

1. Truly sexy people are comfortable in their own skin.

While we hear the above expression a lot and many of us parrot it, few know what it actually means, much less what it feels like.

Simply put, it means accepting yourself for how you are rather than how you want to be. It doesn’t mean, “I’ll love myself once I lose 10 lbs” or “I’ll love myself once others tell me that I am lovable.” Sexy people don’t need or want anyone’s permission to accept themselves, and the rest of us shouldn’t either. If we do wait, there’s a good chance it’s never going to happen.

2. They don’t put others down including themselves.

In my experience, one of the least sexy things anyone can do is build themselves up by tearing others down.

In the case of the man I mentioned at the beginning of the piece, I cannot recall him ever pointing out the flaws of others or even comparing himself to others.

Granted, I’m sure he was aware of his physical shortcomings just like the rest of us, but he didn’t feel the need to point them out. He was even confident enough to post shirtless pictures of himself on social media sites which again suggested he was at ease with himself.

3. They are smart.

People may lust over “perfect” models or celebrities but the reality is no matter how much we lust for someone, even if we get them we’re eventually going to have to have a conversation.

Smartness is sexiness, and one doesn’t have to be a tenured professor at Harvard to be smart. Smartness is one of those things that can be cultivated.

In many cases, just having an interest or passion for something can be enough. At the very least, it shows that one is thinking about something other than themselves and that is sexy.

4. They are genuine.

Most of us strive by to be genuine and think we are when in fact, we are anything but.

Genuine doesn’t mean being nice all the time. It doesn’t mean never showing ours flaw or admitting that certain people or things irritate us. There is something extremely sexy about being able to show ourselves as the flawed, complex beings that we are and not worrying if it repels others.

While I am certainly not there, I cannot help but admire those who are.

If I could sum up the number one secret of being sexy it would be to be yourself.

Unlike great beauty or wealth, sexiness is something we can all cultivate for free. While it may not be easy to do, it is nonetheless possible.

In the meantime, if you have to be around one of these rare souls, study and observe them the way an apprentice would a master artisan. This is one case where imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Safer Sex …You Can Have It.

by zfortadminin Sex

Condoms and communication make sex so much safer. Safer sex is a general term used to describe methods for reducing the chance that you will spread or catch sexually transmitted diseases (STDs, also known as sexually transmitted infections or STIs).

Safer sex is a general term used to describe methods for reducing the chance that you will spread or catch sexually transmitted diseases (STDs, also known as sexually transmitted infections or STIs). The idea is that with a few simple tools and strategies, you can increase safety without sacrificing your sex life.

Use condoms

The first and best line of defense is to use a latex barrier whenever you have sex (if you have a latex allergy, use polyurethane instead). That means using a condom on the penis or on a sex toy; latex gloves on your hands; and when engaging in oral sex, dental dams or plastic wrap to cover the anus or vagina.

Get tested for HIV and other STDs

Knowing your own status is the only way to approach the next point honestly.

Communicate

Safer sex also involves talking with your partner, discussing activities and risks and making educated choices together. Of course, sex raises a number of other questions. Do you trust your partner? How do you get a guy to use a condom if he refuses to do so? What if you are suspicious that your partner is not being monogamous?

Some people choose to avoid risky activities completely or find ways to reduce the complications associated with them—although this strategy still requires honesty, communication, and STD testing.

Be monogamous or abstinent

Total abstinence is the only 100% effective safe sex method; it’s just not that realistic for most people. Next in line is a long-term monogamous relationship in which both partners know their status to be negative for STDs (itself requiring testing and honest communication), and both stay true to the monogamous ideal.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Are You Emotionally Cheating? Find Out.

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

The chemistry was obvious, but nothing ever “happened.” Or did it?

Like many women, René (who asked that only her middle name be used), a writer from northern New Jersey, had two husbands: a regular spouse and a “work husband,” a man — interesting, smart, funny — with whom she spent 9 hours a day. The chemistry was obvious, but nothing ever “happened.” Or did it?

They made a beeline for each other every morning, and their chats became more and more personal. “I definitely talked to him about things I didn’t talk to my husband about, including my husband, because my marriage was so unhappy,” René says. He sat a little too close at meetings. She admits she fantasized about a relationship.

Was she cheating? Gail Saltz, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at New York-Presbyterian Hospital/Weill Cornell School of Medicine, says “probably.”

“Many of these emotional affairs do move into a sexual affair,” Saltz says. “If they don’t, it’s easy enough to say to yourself that you’re not doing anything wrong.”

The problem, she says, is the attachment to this other person impacts the marriage. “Ultimately it ends painfully one way or another: Your marriage ends, or you’ve got to give this person up.” René’s marriage eventually ended in divorce, but this doesn’t have to happen to you.

Often, people who become involved in emotional affairs feel something is lacking at home. “It makes them feel good to feel understood, to feel desired. It’s like candy. You go home and have your vegetables, and you go to work and you have candy.”

For some spouses — more often women, Saltz says — learning of an emotional affair can be worse than discovering sexual infidelity. “Everybody understands a sexual act need not necessarily contain affection or intimacy. It could be literally about a sexual act. Whereas the emotional affair feels like it’s much more about being connected, about loving or liking.”

Signs You’ve Crossed the Line

According to Saltz, these seven red flags suggest you may have entered into an emotional affair:

  1. You spend a lot of emotional energy on the person. “You end up sharing stuff that you don’t even share with your partner — hopes and dreams, things that would actually connect you to your partner.”
  2. You dress up for that person.
  3. You make a point to find ways to spend time together, and that time becomes very important to you.
  4. You’d feel guilty if your partner saw you together; you are doing things and saying things that you would never do or say in front of your spouse.
  5. You share your feelings of marital dissatisfaction.
  6. You’re keeping secret the amount of time you’re spending with the person (including emailing, calling, texting).
  7. You start to feel dependent on the emotional high that comes with the relationship.

Quitting the Affair

These affairs can be hard to stop, Saltz says. But to give your marriage a chance, “you just have to end it. I don’t think there’s a halfway. It’s too slippery a slope.” If it’s someone you can’t avoid, have a direct conversation. Tell them, “I need to not do this,” Saltz says.

Your next step: Figure out what led you to make the connection with this other person, says psychologist Janis Abrahms Spring, PhD, author of After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful.

“One of the critical tasks necessary for the couple to survive emotional infidelity is for both partners to explore its roots — why did it happen? What does it say about me, you, and us as a couple?” She adds, “It’s better to speak up and bring the conflict into the open than confide secretly in someone else.”

Instead of playing the blame game, identify contributing factors on both sides.

If you want to save your marriage, the earlier you deal with problems, the better, Saltz says. “And the earlier you cut off something that leads in the direction of betrayal, the better.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

5 Myths That Are Holding Back Your Sex Life

by zfortadminin Sex

After reading through this list, you may be on your way to a better sex life.

Plenty of experienced guys think they know everything about sex, but do they really? Many accept stories about their friend’s sister’s cousin as fact without question. Stories have a way of growing more exaggerated over time, though, making it difficult to judge what’s truth and what’s a complete fabrication. Even a long list of partners is no way to guarantee knowledge.

We’re on a mission to put the truth back into getting it on, so we’re busting five myths you’ve probably heard a thousand times. Surprisingly, the facts offer a lot of good news. After reading through this list, you may be on your way to a better sex life.

1. Bigger is better

Most guys have heard a few people say size doesn’t matter, though very few seem to believe it. When it comes right down to it, you’re probably a lot more concerned about the ampleness of your member than your partner is. A recent survey of more than 1,000 people from Cosmopolitan.com found 89% of respondents weren’t concerned with their partner’s penis size. And some evidence suggests it has more to do with proportion than actual size.

The real takeaway is you should know how to work with what you’ve been given. Relationship expert and author of The Seven Natural Laws of Love, Deborah Anapol, penned a piece in Psychology Today that indicated a smaller size can actually be an advantage. “A smaller penis is often easier to maneuver inside the vagina, and may motivate the man to explore a variety of ways to please his lover,” she said.

2. It’s all downhill after you turn 40

Most of us reach our peak physical fitness sometime in our 20s. This includes a combination of endurance, strength, and flexibility, all important building blocks for a successful romp in the sheets, right? Maybe not. Researchers from the University of Gothenburg found 62% of women and 71% of men over the age of 70 reported feeling very satisfied with their sex lives. Maybe even more important is the fact these percentages have substantially increased since the 1970s.

Some of this may be due to a stronger relationship. Melanie Davis, a certified sexual educator (CSE), told Men’s Health, “There’s less emphasis on quick orgasms and more focus on sensuality, creativity, and emotional connection.” Basically, it has a lot more to do with the person than the specific sensation.

Older individuals also tend to have a fewer sexual hangups. Many young people find it hard to speak up during intercourse, but if you don’t tell your partner what you want, it’s unlikely they’ll just figure it out. Dr. Carmella Sebastian, an expert in women’s wellness and sexuality, told WebMD she didn’t experience multiple orgasms until after she’d had two children. She attributed it to increased confidence that allowed her to start asking for what she really wanted in the bedroom.

3. Men care more about sex than women do

We’ve all heard it before: Men think about sex every seven seconds. No one has been able to verify this statistic, but it’s widely accepted as truth or at least as mostly true. The other supposed truth is that women fall far behind when it comes to thinking about a romp in the sheets. According to a 2011 study from Ohio State University, men think about sex 19 times per day while women average 10 per day. Still more research suggests women may actually have a greater craving for bedroom time than men. One recent survey found 53.2% of females want more sex in their relationships.

Keep in mind, it’s the individual that matters most. Some people naturally have higher sex drives than others, regardless of gender. One story from The Huffington Post featured 13 females who craved far more sexual intimacy than their partners.

4. Great sex is effortless

Our notions of sex and how it should unfold are informed a little too much by pop culture. Things happen so effortlessly onscreen, but that’s only because 15 minutes of awkward conversation and fumbling doesn’t make for good TV. As AskMen pointed out, “the human body doesn’t come with an instruction manual.” Each person is different and just because one partner liked a particular move doesn’t mean your next one will. Honest communication is the best way to find your bedroom groove, and it may take a few times to get there.

There’s also no guarantee a great bedroom session will just happen. Rachel Hills, author of The Sex Myth, told New York Post spontaneity is more likely at the beginning of a relationship. Later on, it usually takes more of an effort. Scheduling time for sex might sound ridiculous, but it’s a good way to take the pressure off both you and your partner.

5. Monogamy only comes naturally to women

Men have unfairly been labeled as players, and once again, it’s probably been influenced by movies and TV shows. The Atlantic highlighted a 2013 book by journalist Daniel Bergner called What Do Women Want?, which suggested females may actually be less inclined to monogamy than males. More recently, a study published in Biology Letters found all people, rather than a specific gender, either tend towards monogamy or polygamy.

Once again, communication is key. You and your partner should both be honest about what it is you’re looking for. If one is seeking a spouse while the other just wants to have fun, you’re both in for a messy ending.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Who Really Is Teaching You About LOVE Everyday?

by zfortadminin LOVE

Self love forms the foundation of your single, most important relationship – that with yourself.

The strength of all your other relationships is exactly equal to the strength of that foundation. To love yourself is not just a self-esteem boosting piece of advice. It is the prerequisite to truly loving others. The Golden Rule tells us to “love your neighbour as you love yourself”. You are likely to have heard it many times, expressed in different ways, thinking it is about loving others. Look a little closer though, and you will find that at its very centre is the command to love yourself.

The Mistaken Identity of Self Love: First, let us dispel some myths about what it means to love yourself. Self love is not about being arrogant or egotistical. It is not about comparing yourself to others to determine if you are good enough. It is not about always putting yourself first at the expense of others. It is not about always getting your way. It is not about always winning. It is not about “only looking after number one”.

Will the Real Self Love Please Stand Up?

To love yourself is to be in awe of the miracle of your existence. It is to accept yourself as you are – the “light” parts and the “dark”, the “good” and the “bad” – while knowing that the real you is above the perceived dualities of the physical realm. It is to be willing to receive as much as you are willing to give and do both equally. It is about knowing your values and your boundaries and honouring them. It is about teaching others how to treat you by showing them how you treat yourself. It is about being kind to yourself. It is about looking after your mind, your body and your spirit; all three. It is about knowing you are worth it, not because of what you have achieved or what you look like or what others think of you, but because love is your birthright no matter what.

What Do You Most Need to Hear? Take a moment to think of those things you most need to hear from others. Whether it be that they love you, admire you, accept you just as you are, appreciate you, forgive you or anything else. Take a piece of paper and write them down. Make sure to exhaust your list. You will find that what you most want to hear from others is what you most need to tell yourself. You should now have a list of positive affirmations tailor made for you. Repeat them every day, morning and night and include them in your creative visualization sessions. You will soon enjoy a sense of self love and inner peace that you never had before.

Pages: 1 2

Oysters—Ready for a Romantic Week

by zfortadminin Sex

“Yes, I do think these molluscs are aphrodisiacs. If the male is having difficulties, they have to eat a lot of mussels or oysters.

Casanova, the 18th century lover who used to breakfast on 50 oysters, has been vindicated by a study that proves they really are aphrodisiacs.

And spring, the scientists say, is the time of year the shellfish have their greatest aphrodisiac quality.

The team of American and Italian researchers analysed bivalve molluscs – a group of shellfish that includes oysters – and found they were rich in rare amino acids that trigger increased levels of sex hormones.

The link was announced to 15,000 scientists in San Diego, California, at a meeting of the American Chemical Society last week.

It generated possibly more interest than any other discovery in the society’s 126-year history. “I am amazed,” said George Fisher, a professor of chemistry at Barry University, Miami, who led the research team with his graduate student Raul Mirza and Antimo D’Aniello, of the Laboratory of Neurobiology in Naples.

“I have been a scientist for 40 years and my research has never generated interest like this.

“For centuries, old wives’ tales have said that eating raw molluscs – oysters in particular – would stimulate the libido but there has really been no scientific evidence as to why and if this occurs.

“We think this could be the first scientific evidence of some substance.

“Did Casanova’s 50 oysters really make him frisky? Could be.” Previous speculation about the powers of oysters has centred on the refuelling powers of their high zinc content.

Zinc is found in sperm and men lose between one and three milligrams per ejaculation.

Dr Fisher and his team, partly funded by the United States National Institutes of Health, bought samples of bivalve molluscs – which also include mussels and clams – from fish markets near Dr D’Aniello’s Naples laboratory.

They then used a process called high-performance li-quid chromatography to identify which amino acids were present and in what quantities.

They found two unusual ones – D-aspartic acid (D-Asp) and N-methyl-D-aspartate (NMDA).

“They are not the normal amino acids that Mother Nature uses,” said Dr Fisher. “You can’t just find them in a vitamin shop.”

Dr D’Aniello had found in earlier experiments that injecting the amino acids into rats triggered a chain reaction of hormones that ended with the production of testosterone in males and progesterone in females.

“Increased levels of those hormones in the blood means you are more active sexually,” he said.

Pages: 1 2

How Making Love in the Morning Makes You Healthy

by zfortadminin Sex

Now, health experts and researchers claim that morning love making is in fact good for health.

At least once in a lifetime, any couple would generally try Sunday morning love making. Now, health experts and researchers claim that morning love making is in fact good for health.Most of us have been totally conditioned. We keep the most beautiful things for the night’s schedule. There is no rule that you need to wait till it is darkness to express your love. As you experience the endorphin effect early in the morning, you will start seeing a beautiful world throughout the day even if the world is ugly and bad.Here are some health benefits of morning love making.

Morning love making health benefits are:

1.You Can Forget About Your Gym:

The calories that are burnt after a 30 minute jog can be easily burnt if you spend an hour on bed making love.

2.A Great Way To Start The Day:

If you start the day with passionate love, your entire day will be a great day and you can take on your life’s challenges with ease.

3.You Can Handle Stress Well:

The stress you experience in the traffic and in the work place look like small things when your spirits are high.

4.You Can Enjoy Better Moods Throughout The Day:

When your day starts with that high, your moods tend to be elevated for hours together and this is the best way to keep depressive moods at bay.

5.You Can Look Better:

Researchers have claimed long back that orgasms can make your skin and hair look better.

6.You Can Enjoy Better Immunity:

When you are travelling to work, if you see other around you coughing, you can consider yourself lucky. Your immunity gets a boost due to the love-making in the morning. So infections stay at bay.

7.Morning Is The Best Time For Men:

The hormonal cycles of men are at peaks in the morning. So, your man will be high with testosterone in the morning. Make the best out of his hormones.

8.You Can Come Out Of Your Caffeine Addiction:

Though coffee is the best thing in the morning, it is addictive and unhealthy. But when you get used to morning love, you can beat that addiction.

These are the health benefits of morning love making.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Do You Hate Valentine’s? Here’s Why Some Couples Do.

by zfortadminin LOVE

Valentine’s Day haters do not just include those who find themselves without a valentine.

There are plenty of reasons couples hate Valentine’s Day too, and they are not necessarily just because the “holiday” can all too often feel hollow, or capitalistic, or otherwise forced. So I asked six relationship experts to reveal why they think some couples hate Valentine’s Day so much. After all, these psychologists, therapists, and other experts know a thing or two about the dynamics of couples. I figured they could shed light on such a widespread feeling of dislike.

Shed they did. And one expert reminded that it’s possible that even the grinches of Valentine’s Day can be won over, if they just change their mindset. “For people that hate V-Day, I would suggest they find amazing ways to show love that buck the commercial aspects,” Rob Alex, who created Sexy Challenges and Mission Date Night with his wife, tells Bustle. The options are endless, but the only rule is that you eschew traditional tropes of the day for things that are more personal and special.

“Make your own card, cook a fabulous meal together and just spend that valuable time with your partner, just being together and talking,” Alex says. “Love is the most valuable thing on the planet, and yet it doesn’t cost a dime.” Truth. Here are 10 reasons some couples hate Valentine’s Day so much, from a psychological standpoint:

1. Disappointment Is Too Easy

If there’s smoke, there’s fire — and if there are expectations, disappointment is bound to be not too far behind. “Couples learn to dislike Valentine’s because of the pressure to be romantic, to do something special, and the disappointment when it doesn’t go right,” Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Romance, psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, tells Bustle. “That’s why keeping it simple is a good idea.” If you keep the whole thing low-key, as she suggests, your expectations will stay at a reasonable level, and you won’t set yourself up for disappointment.

2. It’s Commercial

“Many people hate V-Day from the commercial standpoint,” Alex tells Bustle. Basing the day on “how much you spend on your partner” will never make anyone feel fulfilled, he says. “Getting away from the commercial aspect of Valentine’s Day could help these people heal from their hatred of V-Day,” says Alex, aka the Guru of Getting It On.

3. Some People Think It’s A Fake Holiday

Similarly, psychologist Nikki Martinez tells Bustle that “some people believe that it is a ‘Hallmark holiday’ — something made up to sell cards and candy.” Though the origins of the day are anything but commercial — in fact, the traditions associated with Valentine’s Day started out rather dark — the day has evolved to be just that, but only if you let it be.

4. It Can Feel Obligatory

“Valentine’s Day can feel like obligatory love,” Carlyle Jansen, author of Author, Sex Yourself: Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms, tells Bustle. “I have told my partner never to do anything for me on the 14th of February. Any of the other 364 days of the year is wide open for indulgence, and I am happy to receive any other time.” She just doesn’t want her partner to do something special just because “it feels like you are ‘supposed to,'” she says. “Of course, my partner always thinks that this is a trick and will get into trouble if nothing happens.”

5. You’re Forced To Perform

“I believe couples can come to hate V-Day, because of all the commercialization of this holiday with the emphasis on spending too much money,” relationship coach and psychic medium Cindi Sansone-Braff, author of Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships, tells Bustle. “Restaurants can be overcrowded and over-charging, and yet the pressure to do something special can make couples do things they really rather not be doing.” Rather than forcing yourself to shell out for a prix fixe menu you’d rather not eat, feel free to stay home and watch a movie — you can always get dolled up and go out another night.

6. It Can Feel Superficial

“People hate rejection, and if a focus is on a romantic love, which is fleeting, then almost any love that is not superficial could feel to some as if they are experiencing something ‘less than,'” psychotherapist and neuromarketing strategist Michele Paiva tells Bustle. In other words, the superficial starts to feel real — and real, from-the-heart gestures can feel like they are not enough, even though they are authentic, if they don’t involve red roses or candy. “It is so important to understand that what is celebrated and what is real might be very different,” Paiva says. “We put expectations on ourselves, partners and relationships that are unrealistic.”

7. Too Much Is Crowded Into One Day

“Many believe that there should not be a day to show the other person how you feel about them, but this should be a regular occurrence throughout the year,” says Martinez. By jamming it all into one day, pressure and expectations can be too high — and you can lose out on exchanging little gifts and performing acts of kindness throughout the year.

8. You And Your Partner Can Be On Two Different Pages

“There’s always this unspoken need to meet your mate’s expectation, and frankly, two people who are otherwise very compatible, might just not be on the same page about the whole ‘Hallmark card and everything is coming up roses, candy hearts and chocolate kisses thing,'” says Sansone-Braff. A real, heart-to-heart discussion with your partner is in order. “The solution to this problem is to talk about what this holiday means or doesn’t mean to you, and come to some kind of compromise on how to spend this day together,” says Sansone-Braff. “Whatever you do, don’t start a War of the Roses over Valentine’s Day.”

9. It Can Be Re-Traumatizing

“Some have simply had terrible prior experiences in the past, and this has made them unable to move past it and learn to enjoy it and the company of their partner for a special celebration,” says Martinez. If you’ve had a horrible Valentine’s Day — or multiple awful V-Days past — you can skip the day, or make new memories by doing something completely different.

10. Everything Is Packed

And sometimes you want to share your googly eyes with no one but your partner. On Valentine’s Day, everywhere you go will be extra packed, often requiring reservations months in advance. Even worse: You’ll be surrounded by other couples, and it’s hard to ignore what everyone around you is doing/wearing/saying to each other. If you really, truly hate V-Day, and your partner does too, you can always opt out. But if you just dislike the day because of one or more of these underlying reasons, you can always alter your choices, so you can still celebrate love — without the icky parts.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Avoid these V-Day Blues

by zfortadminin Mind

Valentine’s Day is fraught with landmines and expectations, often unrealized. Whether you’re in or out of a relationship, the grass isn’t always greener. Below are often-occurring situations, and six tips to having a great holiday.

  • You’re alone. I can recall Valentine’s Days I wished I were in love with someone who loved me. Worse were Valentine’s Days when I missed an ex or spent time thinking about someone who wasn’t in love with me. Looking back, what was sad was that I made myself unhappy and ruined one, if not more, days thinking “if only.”
  • You’re in a new relationship.Another Valentine’s trap happens when you’re newly in love. It may be the first Valentine’s Day of your relationship, and you wonder whether your partner will surprise you with something special. Will he or she ignore the day or hopefully say the unmentionable, four-letter L-word?You’re stressed about whether your card should be funny or mushy. Fear of humiliation and abandonment restrain you from being vulnerable. You don’t want your feelings rejected or to scare off your partner. Guys, you could be afraid of hurting your girl’s feelings by not doing or saying enough. Or you could be afraid to do or say too much, which might be misinterpreted as a commitment for which you’re unprepared.
  • You’re in a fight.One of the worst feelings on Valentine’s Day is to be fighting with your partner. Any other day wouldn’t be as painful. On Valentine’s Day, though, your worst fears and disappointments about your partner and the relationship are highlighted. In addition to being hurt or angry about the argument, you compare how you feel to how you imagine the day should be and how you want to feel.You don’t have to be fighting to be on eggshells all day and disappointed because your partner is an addict, ignoring you, or is looking for a fight to avoid admitting he didn’t plan anything or doesn’t want to go out. You can easily spend the entire day looking and waiting for cues, wondering whether you will spend the evening together. It’s hard to generate loving feelings seeing your wife neglecting the children or drunk all day.
  • You’re in a dull or dead relationship.Many couples in long relationships have lost the spark of love. Valentine’s Day may be a cruel reminder or an opportunity to rekindle it. When romance fades, it can be replaced with love based on deep caring and shared life experience. You might decide not to do anything special. Yet you can still acknowledge your love for each other – even if it’s not romantic love, it’s deep and abiding.Some relationships have died. Intimacy’s gone, but the couple can’t let go, whether due to age, children, health, or finances. Usually, despite those reasons, there’s a deep attachment. Often one person imagines he or she is staying for the other and is in denial of his or her own attachment needs and fears about leaving.
  • You’re in a loving relationship.You’re among the fortunate few if you’re in a long, loving relationship. Valentine’s Day may still present problems, especially for husbands who don’t want to disappoint their wives. You can get caught in the dilemma of not being able to decide whether to surprise your wife or ask her what she’d like. It’s okay to ask. Some people would rather know, but beware of a common trap: When your significant other replies, “it doesn’t really matter, I’m just happy with all you do. Don’t get me anything.” In this case, you should get him or her something special. Failure to act can be dangerous.Wives, too, can get caught up in waiting and wondering, and not wanting to upset plans their husbands may have made.
Pages: 1 2

How to Feel Sexier in Bed this Valentines

by zfortadminin SEX TIPS

Feeling sexy often has little to do with, well, sex. In fact, building your sexual confidence doesn’t even have to take place in the bedroom. Whether it’s tossing your old, unflattering underwear, finding the right lighting, or taking a yoga class, there are plenty of easy (and fun!) ways to feel hotter than ever. Let these ideas get you started.

1. Splurge on some flirty lingerie.

Who cares what Gisele Bündchen is wearing? The goal is finding styles you feel sexy in. So while a thong might work for one woman, perhaps you’ll feel cuter (and more comfortable) in a pair of boy shorts. If you consider a bold leopard print push-up bra too much, try a more subtle lacy number — it can be just as titillating.

2. Dress the part.

What you’re wearing before you take your clothes off is just as important. For some women, nothing makes them feel hotter than their favorite pair of jeans, whether they’re “skinny” or not. Others may prefer a short skirt or curve-hugging dress. Either way, choose an outfit that flaunts your fave body part — we guarantee you’ll feel bolder in no time.

3. Turn down the lights.

Florescent lighting is nobody’s friend. We’ve all learned this the hard way in many a department store fitting room. On the contrary, the right lighting in your bedroom can make you look and feel like a sex goddess. Light fixtures that illuminate upward are the most flattering, as are lower-wattage bulbs and ones with a pretty blush tint. We also love dimmers, lamps, and candles to set the mood.

4. Wax it off.

There’s something about a smooth bare leg that makes us feel like getting a little frisky. The same can be said for a bikini wax. It may sound like a lot of effort, but you’ll be dying to take your clothes off!

5. Relax.

It’s difficult to feel sexy when you’re completely stressed and exhausted. That’s why it’s important to make time for you! Ask your husband to look after the kids while you sleep in one Saturday. Take a yoga class or sip a glass of wine with dinner. We promise, your sex drive will thank you.

6. Break out of your comfort zone.

There’s something kind of arousing about living a little dangerously. Plan a more-daring-than-usual activity like rock climbing or surfing — anything that gets the adrenaline pumping. Not the sporty type? Experiment with wearing a shorter-than-usual skirt or a top that shows a little more cleavage. Even better: Send a sexy text to your partner or suggest watching a racy movie together.

7. Hit the gym.

Research shows that exercise boosts your body image — even if the number on the scale is exactly the same. In fact, a 2009 University of Florida study found that people who exercise but don’t lose fat, feel just as good about their bodies as their more fitter peers. So even if you’re still working towards six-pack abs, you’ll still feel hot.

8. Create your dream fantasy.

Why shouldn’t you be the heroine in your own romance novel? Imagine yourself doing all the sexy things you’d like to do… then do them. Try keeping a journal. Who knows, maybe it will turn out to be the next (erotic) best-seller?

9. Get your partner involved.

Ask him to remind you of all the things he finds attractive about you. Knowing what turns him on will help you to see yourself through his eyes. Then, you can do the same for him.

10. Don’t compare yourself to other women.

Just because Jennifer Aniston looks amazing in a bikini doesn’t mean you have to hide under your T-shirt. Measuring yourself up to not-so-easy-to-attain body images is a recipe for bedroom gloom. Look in the mirror, and take note of what you find sexy. You’ll be surprised by how much you really love your body.

TELL US: How do you make yourself feel more confident in the bedroom?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article