zfortadmin, Author at Love TV - Page 14 of 50

Author: zfortadmin

Revolutionize Your Thinking and Illuminate Your Sexual Freedom

by zfortadminin LOVE

How do you expand your sexual thinking?

Sex is everyone’s own creation story, everyone’s personal Big Bang.

Before you looked at this website, before you got up this morning or the day or year before, before you read or said your first word, two people you’d never met — couldn’t have met, since you weren’t a you yet —went through a series of intimate or strained or casual or confused or loving series of movements and gestures that created you.

That means that your being, along with everyone else’s, is literally composed of sexual motion and desire, because the cells that split and aggregated to make your body were set into motion by sex.  When people have sex, the laws of biology and form pay attention.  Sex weaves itself in and out of our daily thoughts, the art we encounter, the feelings we have for each other.  Is it any surprise that we think about sex so often? 

But if sex is a fact of life, the fact of life that life springs from, why is our culture so screwed up about it?  Why is sex so legislated, one might say legislated against, misunderstood, and confusing, culturally?  There are hundreds of laws set up by the state, regulating sexual content, sexual behavior, sexual freedom. And there are the unspoken laws, often just as constricting, in every relationship we have.  Sex shame in our lives and sex shaming in our cultural sphere are intimately tangled.  Instead of telling you the right way to put a condom on or how to please your lover, this series will examine the lives and theories of thinkers who were interested in pushing sex forward in some cultural way, in bringing what they’d learned from the mystery of sex to the cultural sphere to transform both.

The good news: 

Brilliant people have been working on improving our sexual culture for a long time.  If we want to have a more thoughtful sexual culture, a healthier one that respects sex and sexuality in its infinite forms, we have some powerful, radical thinkers to choose from.  These are people who have led the way, pushed the boundaries, cared enough about the darkened realm of sex to illuminate it for us.

The bad news:

You probably haven’t heard of many of these thinkers.  And you probably haven’t heard of many of them because the powers that be discredited them or provided them with unpleasant ends.

The other bad news:

Everyone, even the radical researchers and thinkers in this series, absorbs the sexual prejudices, shames, and confusions of their time and place.  They might deftly avoid one bias and passionately speak out against it, all the while carrying around a whole host of others that they’re totally blind to.  Of course, I’m guilty of this too.  Since the current conception of sex is contaminated, getting new seeds requires, at first, growing crooked plants from polluted ground.  It’s going to take some time.

The other other bad news:

Some of the most important thinkers are kind of crazy.

This, in fact, is a large part of what makes them important. To come up with new possibilities for the world, you have to hang out in the impossible and the imagined quite a bit.  You have to say outlandish things to see if they’re true. To stand outside the depressing weight of our reality requires deep and intense encounters with your own imagination and seeing things that others don’t see.

But who to invite to this orgy of sexual/cultural renewal?

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Tantric Explorations Brings a Higher Plane of Sexual Ecstasy

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Takeaway: If all you know about Tantra is something about Buddhism and Sting, think again. These Tantric tips are for anyone, and can help you have better sex in mind and body.

Sometimes sex can seem like a race toward orgasm. With so many tips, guides and articles for achieving orgasm (“guaranteed,” “multiple” and “mind-blowing,” get tossed around a lot) it’s no surprise that we sometimes forget that there’s more to sex than the finish line. Tantra, the Sanskrit word for “interwoven”, puts sex in a different perspective. Tantric sex is about slowing down, connecting with your partner, and becoming orgasmic rather than focusing on achieving orgasm. It began in India as a form of yoga that exalted the union of men and women. Today, it’s a way to experience your partner’s body and mind in a way that for many people is completely new.

Real tantra is something that must be explored and learned and discovered over time, but here are a few ways to start bringing some of its key elements into your love life.

Create and Intimate and Relaxing Space

In Tantra, sex is considered to be a full body and mind experience. That means that a big part of Tantra can involve satisfying all of your senses. Think of what smells relax you and your partner, or what scents might stimulate you. Lavender is typically said to relieve stress, and incense or candles can definitely be handy. Consider color, texture, music, even foods. Make sure you are dressed comfortably, with clothes that feel good against your skin. Remember that the space you create shouldn’t draw attention to itself. Instead, it should form a zone in which you’re able to focus on your partner.

Breathe and Make Eye Contact

Breathing is an excellent way to relax your body. Start by sitting down across from your partner, either cross-legged with your knees touching. Or, if you’d prefer more physical contact, wit with one person in the other person’s lap with your legs wrapped around each other.

Try drawing in a deep breath for four seconds through your mouth, then releasing air slowing for four seconds through your nose. Try also coordinating your breath with your partner’s to create a feeling of connection. Inhale when your partner inhales; exhale when he or she exhales. Alternatively, do a breath exchange: inhale when your partner exhales, exhale when he or she inhales. Focus your gaze on your partner’s eyes so you’re looking straight at each other. This may feel very vulnerable at first, but with practice, it’ll be an avenue to a feeling of deeper intimacy.

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First Comes Facebook, Then Long Lasting Romance

by zfortadminin LOVE

Is Facebook the new Public Display of affection?

But please—don’t go overboard with the photos

Couples that broadcast their love on Facebook may be annoying, but they seem to have their relationships figured out. According to a study out of the University of Wisconsin-Madison, people who are loud and proud about their significant others on Facebook are more likely to stay with their partners.

The research, published in the journal Cyberpsychology, Behavior, And Social Networking, and released online last week, looked at how 180 undergraduates reflected their relationships online, as well as how long they stayed smitten. The students in the study, who were all in couples, first answered questions about their age, sex, length of relationship, and level of commitment. Then they logged into their Facebook profiles and allowed researchers to record the number of photos they had posted with their partners, whether they had indicated that they were “in a relationship,” how many times each person in the couple wrote on the other’s wall in the last month, and the number of mutual friends they shared. Six months later, researchers asked the students by e-mail whether they were still in that relationship.

After controlling for age, sex, and relationship length, the study found that people who said they were “in a relationship” and posted a lot of photos with their partners were more likely to be deeply committed and still together.

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The Push and Pull of Building Intimacy in a Relationship

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

Building intimacy after past hurt is easier with these tips!

As a therapist, I often hear couples complain that whenever one partner tries to get close, the other pulls away. It’s a painful reality that love isn’t always as easy to give and receive as we’d like to think. Many people have developed defenses that make them intolerant of too much love, attention or affection. Our personal limitations and insecurities are regularly acted out in our closest relationships. Very often, our current reactions (especially our overreactions) are based on negative programming from our past. In the blog “Why You Keep Winding Up in the Same Relationship,” I discussed how and why we form defenses that make it difficult to get close. In this blog, I want to offer a few ways to work on overcoming a fear of intimacy that may exist in our partners and even in ourselves:

Don’t build a case

Although relationships can feel like a tug of war with one of us struggling to pull closer while the other resists, engaging in the blame game is never the solution. Too often, we build a case against the people we are involved with. We use their flaws against them, cataloging their shortcomings in our minds until admiration slowly erodes into cynicism. When this transformation occurs, we become highly attuned to our partners’ less desirable traits. We start to filter and distort our view of them, so that they fit into the case we’ve built against them. We fail to see our partners as they really are, with strengths and with weaknesses. When we don’t see all aspects of a person, we become bent out of shape ourselves. We may act out or behave in ways of which we don’t approve. Conversely, when we interrupt this tendency to build a case, we can focus on ourselves and act in ways that truly represent who we are and how we feel. Staying vulnerable, open and compassionate toward our partner can make them feel safe and allow them to take a chance on being close. Being our best is the surest way to bring out the best in our partners.

Look at ourselves

If we notice our partners pulling away at certain points, it’s helpful to explore ways we might be contributing to the problem or even provoking it. Be open to the reality that we help create the situations we’re in. A good exercise is to look at what our partner does that we dislike the most, then think about what we do right before that. If a partner is unwilling to open up, do we do anything that might contribute to them shutting down? Do we nag? Get distracted? Do we talk down to them by trying to fix their problems or telling them what to do? Do we complain to them? Do we ever draw them out or just let them vent? We can take a powerful position in making our relationship closer by changing our own behavior. As psychologist and author, Dr. Pat Love says, “Feel your feelings, then do the right thing.”

Identify patterns

When people feel close, they react. Sometimes these reactions are positive, and sometimes they are negative. The reasons for this are complex and have a lot to do with how we’ve learned to see ourselves and the world around us throughout our lives. We may respond perversely to positive treatment, because it conflicts with negative ways we’re used to being seen or related to. Wherever these challenges come from, we can start to overcome them by identifying destructive patterns and dynamics in our relationships. For example, when our partner pulls back, how do we respond? Perhaps this action creates a certain amount of desperation within us, which in turn might leave us acting more needy or dependent toward them. Our distressed behaviors may make our partner more critical, perceiving us as weak or clingy, and they may then pull back further. Alternately, a partner’s withholding may leave us angry or hardened against him or her. We may withdraw in response and become colder in our actions. Naturally, this too will leave us estranged and emotionally distant from each other.

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Pucker up for the Best Kiss

by zfortadminin Sex

Don’t make these kissing mistakes to share a hot, steamy kiss! 

Stop thinking so much about your next move. This is not chess

​1. Don’t put thy tongue before thy mouth.

Some people lead with the tongue and I truly don’t understand why. The tongue is a garnish: If things are going well with the tongue then cool, use more tongue. Otherwise, keep the training wheels on for a while, lest you scare her.Closeup of pair women mouths kissing

2. Stop thinking so much about your next move.

This is not chess. ​​It’s kissing. And while it’s tempting to want to overanalyze what the other person will probably do next so you can be #prepared, all it really does is take you out of the moment, which the opposite of where you want to be.

3. You can only take teasing so far before you become a diiiick.

So when you keep pulling away like you’re trying to tease your girl, eventually she’s going to feel like you’re screwing with her, which honestly? You are.

4. Definitely try to control your saliva so it does not become a river that runs through you both.

When guys don’t seem to understand this and you only discover that fact because you are drowning in a sea of their spit and you feel like you need a cup to spit some of it into? Yeah. That.

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Getting to the Heart of Love

by zfortadminin LOVE

Let’s talk about love. It’s at the heart (ha!) of so many human interactions, yet its mystery is endless. Worthy of a listicle, we think…

1) You can fall in love with anyone

It may sound unlikely but research by the US psychologist Arthur Aron suggests falling in love is a pretty simple – and scientifically predictable – occurrence. Back in 1997, he tested his theory that two people will likely fall for each other if they exchange their innermost thoughts and experiences. Aron got over 50 pairs of strangers to answer 36 questions together, ranging from ‘Would you like to be famous?’ to ‘Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing and why?’. In the last part of the experiment, the two participants have to stare into each others eyes for four minutes.

Not all of the pairs fell in love with each other, but one couple did end up getting married six months later. And almost 20 years later, writer Mandy Len Catron tried out the technique herself – and swiftly fell in love with her interlocutor. Curious?! So are we.

2) We don’t all kiss the same way

If you remember smooching at a school disco, don’t take it for granted that everyone else locks lips only to show their crush affection, or even that they do it in the same way. In fact, the gesture that most people identify as either sexual or affectionate is purely a practical one in some cultures. In parts of Papua New Guinea, for instance, parents chew up food for their baby and feed it to them by the mouth. Before the age of baby food being pre-mashed and sold on supermarket shelves, kiss-feeding was pretty common in human history. Many animals, like apes, still do it.

For other cultures, a kiss has less to do with the mouth and more to do with the nose – Inuits rub their noses together as a sign of affection, for instance. Research suggests this is what the rest of the world’s kisses used to be like – Sanskrit texts from thousands of years ago refer to a ‘kiss’ as a sniff, or a smell.

3) You can die from a broken heart

Heartache and heartbreak aren’t just empty phrases – anyone who has gone through them knows how real they can feel. Losing someone you love can make you feel physically sick, experience chest pain, have a sense of being numb all over. In some cases, it does literally take a physical toll on your organs: ‘broken heart syndrome’ – also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy – is a temporary heart condition which can be brought on by some sort of shock or trauma. Usually, patients recover within a week, but there are instances of fatalities in people who are old or already have a heart condition.

4) Men fall in love faster than women do

This might be a hard one to believe, but men apparently fall for a partner faster than women do. According to a study carried out in the U.S. last year by the dating website match.com, men tend to get that loving feeling around three months after starting a relationship, while for women, it takes five. Biological anthropologist Helen Fisher says that’s because women have to create and evaluate a “memory trail” of the man’s behaviour – like remembering what he promised to do – before they let themselves fall in love with them.

5) The power of aphrodisiacs may be all in the mind

Warning: do not attempt to slurp down an oyster as you read this. The food that is said to turn on our ‘I’m ready for love’ switch has not been scientifically proven to have a chemical effect on our sex organs. But there’s no need to go and demand your money back just yet – aphrodisiacs’ arousal powers aren’t entirely made up. People say the oyster’s reputation has come about because of its appearance – take a look and you might notice a slight resemblance to a certain part of the female anatomy – which is believed to get one’s subconscious thinking about sex. Our ancestors used to believe that the wonderful, tear-inducing ONION had similar powers – because it draws the mind to a certain part of the maleanatomy (we had fun in the office trying to decide what part that might be!)

6) We’re not the only ones

Scientists are divided on whether animals experience romantic love like humans do. But they seem to agree that our furry and feathered friends do form strong attachments with each other – like the longtime mate of a female gorilla at a zoo in Boston, Massachusetts. When his love, Babs, died, he is said to have ‘howled and banged his chest (…) picked up a piece of celery, put it in her hand, and tried to get her to wake up’. Animals even form strong bonds across species: a lion and a coyote, a dog and a cheetah, and a tortoise and goose are just some of the inseparable couples of the animal kingdom.

7) Kissing is more important than sex

For those cultures that do see kisses as an erotic gesture (and it’s by far the majority of the world’s population), they are said to play an important role in the long term health of a relationship. The more kissing, the better the level of satisfaction with the relationship – a correlation that apparently isn’t seen with sex. Kissing is also known to lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol. So pucker up.

8) Origins of the word love

Love, love, love. Where does it come from? Well, the modern-day English term apparently dates back to the Latin verb “lubere” which means ‘to please’. It’s also got links to the word “libere”, which can be translated as ‘freely, openly, frankly’. Makes sense…sometimes.

9) We see love in different ways

Love seems like such an established concept that you might expect it to mean the same thing for humans across the world. But research suggests that some cultures define love differently. One study found that Chinese people associate pain with love more than Americans do – a phenomenon that psychologist Arthur Aron thinks may be because of China’s traditional culture of arranged marriages. He conducted studies in both countries and says that people in China “tend to pick more negative traits, words like anxious, scary and depressing,” than American people when they talk about love. Brain scans show that brain patterns of loved-up people are universally the same across cultures – suggesting one’s definition of love really is a cultural construct.

10) Love is literally like an addiction

Scientists say being in love looks the same as being addicted to something in terms of brain patterns – and that’s also the effect it has on us, argues biological anthropologist Helen Fisher. “Around the world, men and women pine for love, live for love, kill for love, and die for love,” she writes. “Moreover, love-besotted men and women show all the basic symptoms of addiction.” Characterizing the addiction impassioned lovers feel, is a ‘stiletto-focus’ on one’s loved one and a tendency to change one’s priorities to accommodate their needs. You might also experience withdrawal symptoms when separated from your love – exactly like an addict parted from a drug.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Convincing Your Heart to Love Your Body

by zfortadminin LOVE

Embracing yourself for who you are is very important for your overall confidence and sensuality!

You and I both know that it’s important to learn to love our bodies. But it’s one thing to know know it, and quite another thing to convince our hearts to actually do it. For most women, making that transition is very, very difficult. Learning to really love our bodies is often a long process that includes lots of stops and starts along the way.

But I’m confident that you and I both can make that transition, if we take it one step at a time. If you’re ready to give it a try, here are 11 ideas to help you get started:

  • Avoid television shows, magazines and other media that feature perfect women.  Recognize that those women are media creations, and understand that they don’t actually exist. They are images, not people, that result from professional makeup, professional hair styling, professional photography, perfect lighting, and Photoshop.
  • Treat your body well. Most women devote time and effort to caring for others, but little to caring for themselves. So take the time and make the effort needed to   eat healthy food, exercise regularly, sleep at least 7 hours each night, keep stress under control, and take some time to do things you enjoy.
  • Get up and move.  Regular exercise/physical activity makes you feel great and helps you look great. Make time to move your body – walk, bike, dance, work out – every day.
  • Stop thinking and saying negative things about yourself.  Whenever you catch yourself thinking or saying something negative about your body, stop and rewind.  Replace those words with positive ones that focus on your strengths.
  • Focus less on your appearance and more on the things your body allows you to do. The body God gave you is awesome. It allows you to live, to breathe, to work, to walk, to dance, to sing, to create, to care for your children, to make love with your husband. Focus your energy and attention on those things.
  • Don’t zero in on your “flaws.” Women are infamous for focusing like a laser on things they don’t like about their bodies. We look in the mirror and see pimples or wrinkles or gray hair or an extra 20 pounds. But most people don’t look at us that way. They see the “big picture” – the way we look, the way we act, and the way we make them feel. They don’t zero in on our flaws, and we shouldn’t either.
  • Disconnect from people who make you feel bad about yourself. A few people in our lives, however, might focus on our “flaws.” Some of those people gain energy by making other people feel bad, some of them are mean, and some are just thoughtless.  Avoid all of those types of people as much as possible. Give them very little of your time and energy, and no space inside your head.
  • Stand up straight and walk with confidence.  Look people in the eye and speak with confidence.  Try it as an experiment, even if you don’t feel it.  People perceive confidence as attractive, and acting confident (even if you’re faking it!) can help you feel more attractive.
  • Wear clothes that make you feel good. They don’t have to be expensive. They don’t have to be fancy. They don’t have to be the latest styles. They just need to make you feel good in your own skin.
  • Work on something you really want to improve.  Almost every woman wants to improve some aspect of her appearance, which is fine. Pick a change that’s reasonable and go for it. For many women, losing some weight falls into this category; few things make women feel as bad about their bodies as extra weight. If that’s an issue for you, focus on eating well and becoming a physically active person. Ditch the foods you know you don’t need and allow yourself time to exercise or just move your body every day.
  • Don’t use food as “medicine.” Some women eat when they’re stressed, tired, bored or lonely. If you’re tempted to reach for food when those feelings strike, try substituting exercise, companionship, or productive activity for food. Exercise can actually alleviate some of those negative feelings, by boosting hormones and chemicals that help you feel good, while food just provides a temporary fix, one you’ll probably regret later.

Learning to love your body is a process, and it will take time. But you are worth it, and you can do it.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

New Foreplay Sweet Spots to Explore

by zfortadminin Sex

Foreplay can be very important to make your love-making last longer and be intense. Did you know there are way more spots on your body to stimulate that you may be overlooking?

Chances are, you and your guy have a few go-to moves that are guaranteed to get you both hot and primed for action. And while it’s great that you know what works on your bodies, sticking to the same old thing (an ear nibble here, a nipple lick there) won’t lead to a bed-shaking finale. “When you touch each other in a familiar way every time, your body becomes desensitized, and it won’t feel as arousing,” says Lori Buckley, PhD, a sex therapist in Pasadena, California.

So, on the hunt for new tricks, we consulted top foreplay experts and discovered uncharted erogenous zones so packed with powerful nerve endings, just touching them takes you from 0 to, um, 69. Read on to find out where they are and how you can electrify them tonight.

SWEET SPOT 1

The Ultrasensitive Border Around the Lips

Okay, so you know how to kiss. But what you probably don’t know is that there’s an undercover pleasure transmitter, the buccal nerve, surrounding the edges of the mouth.

“This area is extremely sensitive to touch, but it’s often overlooked since most people focus on the plump part of the lips,” says clinical sexologist Rachael Ross, MD, PhD. If you try lightly tracing the tip of your finger around the edges of your mouth (like you’re putting on lip liner), you’ll experience a tingly, almost ticklish feeling.

When you’re making out, you don’t need to lick around his entire mouth to get the benefits — that would be weird. Instead, kiss him as you normally do, then use the tip of your tongue to trace the edge of his upper lip lightly. Pull back and playfully kiss him again, then trace the border of his bottom lip. “It subconsciously reminds him of your tongue swirling around the tip of his penis,” says Dr. Ross. The technique works when he does it to you too, triggering thoughts of what his tongue can do below the belt.Kissing And Playing In Bed

SWEET SPOT 2

That Sexy Dip Where Neck Meets Chest

The entire area between your jawline and shoulders is an erogenous zone, but there’s one particular destination that’ll spark more goose bumps than any other part. “It’s that little indentation where the neck connects with the collarbone,” says Leah Millheiser, MD, director of female sexual medicine at Stanford Medical Center. “The skin is thinner there, and there’s not as much fatty tissue underneath, so the sensations are stronger.” In other words, touching this area feels damn good.

So as you kiss down his neck, trail the tips of your index and middle fingers from one shoulder to the dip in the center, lingering to swirl your fingers in a slow, circular motion. Then move your mouth over the spot and kiss it, using your breath to warm the area.

“The combination of the heat and touch relaxes the body, turning you on,” says Buckley. “Plus, when your guy touches you here, your entire chest becomes more sensitive, including your breasts, which increases your pleasure.”

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Is it Time to Talk or Walk?

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE, Watch

Its the 3 month checkpoint of dating a new partner! Is it time to commit? Or are you ready to leave?

Question: When should you broach the subject of where the relationship is going? I have been seeing a guy for two months and we are having another date this weekend. I know it’s kind of early but I want to know if he is dating other people. I’m also curious why he’s listed as active on the online site we met at and why we really only talk through text. What’s the best way yo handle this?

Answer: After 2-3 months of dating, it’s a good time to make a commitment. Ask yourself: Do his actions say that he’s ready to make a commitment? His actions show more about his intent.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Stories of Rape Often Go Unheard

by zfortadminin Sex

Sexual assault happens to many people who don’t speak out. These shocking facts are visualized below  to highlight topics we often don’t speak widely about. 

In the wake of the Bill Cosby scandal, New York Magazine has created what may now be considered one of the most powerful magazine covers of all time. As noted in the article, the stories of rape have stirred serious discussion, thanks in large part to social media.

But at the center of this scandal is a simple truth: There are millions of victims of sexual assault worldwide, but social stigma, among other factors, prevents many victims from speaking out and seeking help. A closer look at the numbers surrounding these crimes reveals even more disturbing trends. (And that’s not accounting for the fact that most rapes go unreported.)

To shed light on this subject, the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (Rainn.org), America’s largest anti-sexual violence organization, has compiled numbers from the FBI, Bureau of Statistics, and U.S. Department of Justice to give us a clearer picture of what is happening in the U.S. From the sheer volume of rapes, to convictions, to demographic breakdowns, these are the powerful statistics you need to know.

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VNRape2

 

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To learn more about victim demographics, offender demographics, state laws, reporting, and what you can do to prevent sexual assault, visit Rainn.org.

Curated by Karinna
Original Article

 

Good Sex Starts in the Mind

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Knowing what turns you on is completely different than knowing the deep reason you enjoy your fantasies. Have you thought about your sexual needs on a deep level? Below we explore great questions to help you connect deeper with your deepest desires and why they are a part of you.

Sex is a body thing. Good sex is a mind thing. And, as with many matters of the mind, getting your groove on – in a fulfilling, meaningful manner – can take a little work and a lot of thought.

However, most articles and authorities on the subject seem to tackle concerns over coitus from the physical front. In so doing, experts are omitting a vital aspect of the sexual encounter: the psychological. Luckily, though, there are psychotherapists and so-called sexologists whose very work involves getting your mind right for a romp.

Here’s what they have to say…

Ask Yourself 2 Simple Questions

Ken Page, a New York-based psychotherapist and author who specialises in intimacy and its psychological correlates, writes that two simple questions are enough to teach you valuable lessons about your sex life.

The first question which Page proposes we ask is: What turns me on most in sex? Now, as simple as this seems, most of us might not be able to give a straight answer right away. Why? Because, as Page puts it “our sexual turn-ons sometimes just don’t fit our self-image”. When this is the case, we fanaticise about something for which we feel ashamed.

However, whether or not we like to admit to them (for instance, many people may find that what they like seems “boring” in comparison to some more exciting fantasies) , the things which turn us on the most are “portals to a deeper experience of sex and of ourselves”.

What?

Page explains that these “turn ons” shine a light on parts of ourselves we just don’t know what do with. And we can really benefit from learning how to handle these sexual fantasies in a creative, fulfilling and – vitally – non-destructive ways.

Page recommends that we try to allow ourselves the freedom of play in our dream world: and to trust ourselves enough to try some of these deeply-held fantasies. If it gets uncomfortable, accept that this is normal, but monitor it, and – if the discomfort persists – enlist the support of a skilled psychotherapist to help you along the way.

For the most part, though, Page reckons, we will feel a. proud of ourselves for embracing what it is we want most, and b. more sexually fulfilled. Which brings us to his second “questions for optimal sex”.

What Touches You most Deeply in Sex?

Not literally. What Page is getting at here is, what is it – during sex – which touches you most emotionally? Page goes into this topic in quite a bit of depth in his book Deeper dating: How to drop the games of seduction and discover the poser of intimacy. However, for our purposes here, let’s consider the following points:

  1. Have you ever been surprised by how a sexual experience touched you emotionally?
  2. Have you ever felt a sense of love which overtook you – where sex surpassed sex and became something more?
  3. And, finally, what happened to make this happen?

Try to figure it out: is it a way your partner looks at you, or the way they stroke your back?

Page explains that “in sex and in life, most of us are both more wild and more tender than we feel comfortable with, but both aspects of our sexuality are portals to our deepest self and our richer expression in the world”.

So, he recommends we ask ourselves these two questions about sex as a way to guide us, and our partners, to those portals of intimacy.

We diminish – and even extinguish – the intimacy between ourselves and others when we hide our most vulnerable sexual needs. To keep any sexual relationship real and rewarding, Page explains, involves sharing with your partner the things in sex that move you most deeply, that turn you on most intensely.

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An “Erotic ART” moment in the South of France

by zfortadminin Sex

Some years ago I was living in the South of France with my love who had spent time growing up in the region. The coastal road from Monaco to Nice is narrow and the billboards along the route are in your face as you go around the curves. I passed this particular billboard daily and as an artist my creative imagination landed on what was so familiar about it!Artist_J_Gordon-5

An inspired erotic art piece revealed itself with a perfect canvas primed!Artist_J_Gordon-8

My love, our Russian friend and I sat on the wall directly across from it contemplating the sexy art that might be created.

We went back to our villa and set about creating our inspired intimate replacement for the billboard on the terrazzo floor.

We drank wine, painted, cut out the piece and made editorial comments such as “add more veins! Make it pinker!”

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Monogamy = Monotony?—Why Couples Go Rogue

by zfortadminin LOVE, Sex

Can an open relationship be the key to happiness in your relationship? Challenging societal norms on monogamy may unlock hidden desires or reveal a level a honesty you’ve never experienced with a partner.

For many of us, the urge to couple up is a strong one. It might even be programmed into our DNA. But does love mean never dating or having sex with other people?

Several years ago, I decided to challenge the idea that the only way to a loving, committed relationship was to be monogamous. My then-boyfriend and I decided to try an open relationship. We were committed to each other, referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, and were both allowed to date and be physically intimate with other people. We eventually broke up (for various reasons, most of which weren’t related to our openness), but since then I’ve remained interested in rethinking relationships—and it turns out I’m not alone.

Nonmonoga-me—Current Trends

Estimates suggest there are more than half a million openly polyamorous families in the U.S., and in 2010, an estimated eight million couples were practicing some form of nonmonogamy. Even among married couples, open relationships can be successful; some studies suggest they’re common in gay marriages.

For today’s 20- and 30-somethings, these trends are meaningful. More than 40 percent of millenials think marriage is “becoming obsolete” (compared to 43 percent of Gen Xers, 35 percent of baby boomers, and 32 percent of people aged 65-plus). And almost half of millenials say they view changes in family structures positively, compared to only a quarter of elderly respondents. In other words, monogamy—though a perfectly viable choice—doesn’t work for everyone.

It certainly wasn’t working for me. Blame it on a couple unhealthy relationships in my youth: For whatever reason, in my mind “monogamy” had come to be associated with possessiveness, jealousy, and claustrophobia—not quite what one desires from everlasting love. I wanted to care about someone without feeling owned by them, and I wanted that someone to feel the same way. Add to that the fact that I’d been single for a while (after having been in a monogamous relationship for even longer) and—I’m woman enough to admit it—wasn’t ready to give up the freedom to flirt with strangers. Beyond that, I wasn’t sure what I wanted, exactly, but I knew I didn’t want to feel suffocated by a partner. So when I started dating…let’s call him ‘Bryce,’ I geared myself up for hurt feelings, got over my own awkwardness, and broached it: Have you ever thought about having an open relationship?

Open relationships tend to fall into two general categories, says Greatist Expert and sex counselor Ian Kerner: Couples might negotiate a nonmonogamous arrangement like the one I had with Bryce, in which each individual has the freedom to date and/or have sex with people outside the relationship. Or couples will choose to swing, adventuring outside their monogamous relationship as a unit (having sex with other people together, as in a three-or-more-some). But these categories are pretty fluid, and they shift depending on a given couple’s needs and boundaries.

Monogamy = Monotony?—Why Couples Go Rogue

The tricky thing about relationships is they’re all different, so there’s no “one reason” why people decide to explore alternative relationship models. Still, there are a wide range of theories about why monogamy hasn’t proved universally satisfying. Some experts say it has roots in genetics: About 80 percent of primates are polygamous, and similar estimates apply to human hunter-gatherer societies. (Still, it’s not useful to get caught up in the “is it natural” argument, says Kerner: Variation is what’s natural, more so than monogamy or nonmonogamy.)

Other research suggests different people have different needs for a satisfying relationship. In The Monogamy Gap, Eric Anderson suggests open relationships allow partners to meet their respective needs without demanding more than one partner can give. There’s also a cultural component: Fidelity stats vary widely among cultures, and evidence suggests countries with more permissive attitudes toward sex also have longer-lasting marriages. In Nordic countries, many married couples openly discuss “parallel relationships”—ranging from drawn-out affairs to holiday flings—with their partners, yet marriage remains a respected institution. Then again, sex advice columnist Dan Savage says nonmonogamy might just come down to plain old boredom.

In short, there are as many reasons to be nonmonogamous as there are nonmonogamous people—and therein lies a bit of a problem. Even if a couple agrees to be nonmonogamous, their reasons for doing so might be in conflict. In my case, I wanted to be in a nonmonogamous relationship because I wanted to challenge social assumptions about love; Bryce wanted to be in a nonmonogamous relationship because I wanted to be in one, and he wanted to be with me. Perhaps not surprisingly, this stirred up conflict between us when I actually started seeing other people. While I was fine when Bryce made out with a mutual friend, he couldn’t stomach the thought of me doing the same. This eventually led to resentment on both sides and jealousy on his—and suddenly I found myself back in a claustrophobic relationship, arguing about who belonged to whom.

Should You Put a Ring on It? — New Directions

Not surprisingly, the green-eyed monster is a common challenge for nonmonogamous partners across the board, regardless of gender or sexuality. The best way to deal? Honesty. In numerous studies, open communication is the prime driver of relationship satisfaction (this is true in any relationship), and the best coping mechanism for jealousy. For couples venturing into opendom, it’s important for partners to communicate their needs and work out an agreement in advance of any rendezvous.

In retrospect, I should have been more honest with myself, and acknowledged that (regardless of what he said) Bryce didn’t really want to be nonmonogamous; it would have spared us both some heartache. It’s easy to be attracted to nonmonogamy’s sexier side, but it actually requires incredibly high levels of trust, communication, openness, and intimacy with your primary partner—meaning that just like monogamy, open relationships can be pretty stressful, and they’re certainly not for everyone. In other words, nonmonogamy is by no means a ticket out of relationship problems, and it might actually be a source of them. It can also be thrilling, rewarding, and enlightening.

No matter what, say experts, whether a couple decides to be open or monogamous should be a matter of choice. “When there is no stigma to having an open sexual relationship,”writes Anderson, “men and women will begin to be more honest about what they want…and how they desire to achieve it.”

As for me, these days I’m a one-man kinda gal—which I learned by being open.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Catching the Love Bug

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Falling in love can be a magical feeling. Did you know there are lots of natural side effects and exciting uncontrollable changes that happen?

We sing about it, write about it and watch movies about it, but when you think about it, falling in love is crazy and maybe even weird.

It makes us feel and do things we usually wouldn’t under any other circumstances.

First of all, it physically affects our hormones and brain. In fact, scientists have shown that love affects the brain in a way similar to cocaine addiction. Not only that, it also affects us psychologically and behaviorally.

Here are 10 crazy, weird symptoms you may experience when falling in love:

1. Your hormones go wild.

When you fall in love, your cheeks flush, your heart beats faster, your palms are sweaty and your head starts spinning. This is all thanks to a rush of chemicals and hormones that flood your brain and body when you fall in love.

This leaves you with feelings of euphoria similar to an endorphin-induced “runner’s high.”

There’s nothing you can do about this; love physically makes you crazy.

2. You wake up and go to sleep thinking of someone other than yourself.

From the moment you wake up in the morning to the moment you go to sleep at night, the person you love occupies at least some part of your mind. How does your brain even know to think of that person first thing in the morning? Doesn’t it have other more important things to worry about?

The truth is this phenomenon is usually subconscious and automatic, almost like your mind is programmed to do so. Even throughout the day, that person stays staunchly in the back of your mind.

As crazy as it may be, it is nice to think of someone beside you every once in a while.

3. You smile when you’re alone.

We’ve all seen them: the smile texters. Smile texting is the perfect example of what happens when you’re falling in love. You experience weird, giddy feelings of happiness, even when you’re not physically with that special person.

You might smile when he or she texts you, when you hear a certain song, see a picture on Facebook or when you just think of that person.

In general, little things like that will make you smile more than usual because you are just so blissfully in love (and because of all those happy hormones flowing through your bloodstream).

People may look at you funny and wonder why you’re so happy, but you don’t even mind.

4. You become a little obsessive.

I wonder what she’s doing right now. I wonder if she’s watching the game. She loves football, which is cool for a girl. But I forget what her favorite team is … I need to ask again. Or maybe I should ask now. I’ll mention it if she texts me later.

Oh look, a bag of chips. She loves chips. But only the BBQ kind.

People in love, love to think about each other. They somehow manage to relate even the smallest things to the person they love. If your life is the universe, then chances are, your love is the sun, and everything revolves around that.

5. You do embarrassing things.

Ever heard those sappy stories of boys in the olden days throwing rocks at a girl’s window, and playing her songs on their guitar? That was then, but today, there are videos all over YouTube of men proposing to their fiancés with elaborate flash mobs that take place in front of hundreds of people.

Love will make you do embarrassing things because when you’re falling in love with someone, you will do almost anything to make him or her happy, no matter what other people may think.

6. You do things outside of your comfort zone.

Along the same lines, falling in love will make you do things you never even considered doing before. Boys, that may mean taking a yoga class or going to get a pedicure with your girlfriend (they feel really good, it’s okay to admit it).

Girls, that may mean watching “SportsCenter” for two hours or playing a couple games of FIFA. Of course, doing these things can open your mind to new activities you might enjoy. Doing them with the one you love is a great bonding experience, too.

7. You suddenly care more about your appearance.

Before, you may have rolled out of bed and thrown on some athletic shorts and a t-shirt, but you now have a reason to try to look good.

You might comb your hair more often, double check to make sure you didn’t forget deodorant, shave more meticulously and go to the gym, instead of falling asleep on your couch after work.

8. You sing.

When you’re falling in love, you feel so happy and carefree, you can’t always keep it inside. Whether you sound like William Hung or Ariana Grande, sometimes, you just have to sing at the top of your lungs to let it all out.

9. You go out of your way.

You may find yourself driving out of the way to pick up your love’s favorite dinner, or calling in sick to work just to hang out with him or her.

The crazy part is that even though these things may inconvenience you, you’re happy and excited to do them. You actually take joy in making that extra effort to please your SO and show him or her how much you care.

10. You go blind.

As the old adage goes, love is blind. When you’re falling in love, everything your love does and says is interesting and amazing. Every word uttered from his or her mouth, and every move he or she makes, is magical.

Love blinds you to faults and screw ups, and even when you do notice them, you’re quick to forgive because your love can do no wrong. As it turns out, Ke$ha might be right about this one: Love is a drug.

It makes us crazy, but it also makes us happy. Love is exciting; it’s addicting, it’s confusing and it’s weird.

So, cheers to love: both our worst nightmare and our best friend.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

 

Subtle Ways to Spark Passion with Your Partner

by zfortadminin Sex

Keep your relationship steamy with these hot tips! What do you do to keep your relationship exciting?

1. Share the shower.

When your relationship advances, you eventually begin taking showers together. You scrub each other’s backs and sometimes even shampoo and condition each other’s hair.

2. Change clothes in front of each other.

Whether you live together or not, there is always a point where you change in front of your guy or gal. Finding socks for the other person, helping zip or fix something…it’s really helpful to have them there, especially when you aren’t sure if you’re looking good or not.

3. Make pillow talk.

I don’t mean the sort of intimate pillow talk for those with a dirty mind. I mean the conversations you share at the end of a long day when you lay down together. You ask how each other’s day was and how they’ve been feeling.

If you are not doing , do it now.

Curated by Erbe
Original Source