The 7 Most Frustrating Types You’ll Meet on Dating Sites

CHRONIC TEXTER “I’M HIDING SOMETHING” GUY:

There are a lot of liars online, and in life. But especially online, on dating sites, because they are nameless and faceless for awhile behind a keyboard, so they know they can get away with a lot of untruths. For me, after being on the sites for a month or so, I started to notice a pattern. With most people, you would start out talking in the private chat room or email system provided by the site, to keep things safe and anonymous until you decided to exchange phone numbers and then go from there. Now, for me, a normal thing to do is start out this way until I feel comfortable switching to phone numbers, and then start talking. Speaking. Conversations. With voices. Now, I understand that sometimes people cant always talk on the phone, they are at work, or whatever reason. But someone who literally refuses to speak with me on the phone and just wants to text endlessly until one of us dies, no. Huge red flag. Why cant I talk to you? Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend you’re living with? Maybe you’re hiding something else. Maybe you have the worst phone voice in the history of man. Maybe you’re 15 years old. Or 70 years old. Maybe you’re a woman. I don’t want to get cat-phished. Something is going on.

A person who wont speak to you with their voice is hiding something. And if they aren’t and they just want to text, that’s just not for me. I loathe texting. Its something I will do when I have to, as a secondary form of communication. It is not how I prefer to talk with a person, especially someone I’m just getting to know. One guy I was speaking to in the chat room for a couple weeks, seemed very nice and funny and very kind. But you can only tell so much about a person from what they type. After me insisting a few too many times, we finally spoke on the phone.

He sounded like Sylvester Stallone in the “Rocky” films, on crack. And drunk. He was drunk. Every time we talked. On our 3rd phone call, he was walking home from the subway station and asked if he could call me back a bit later so he could stop into the pub for a few beers. Then he mistakenly didnt hang up his cell phone, and I overheard his drunken conversation with the bartender as he bragged: “Hey Eddy!!! Gimme two beers. One for the road. I got a chick I gotta talk to on my walk home!” Awhile later, he called back, drunk, and started talking to me all sweetly. Or mumbling, I should say. Slurring all his words, couldn’t make out anything he was saying.

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The 7 Most Frustrating Types You’ll Meet on Dating Sites

About The Author
- is a writer, actor, and stand-up comedian, living in NYC. Her first book: "My Husband Is Not a Rainbow: The Hilariously, Awful Truth About Life, Love, Grief, and Loss", will be released in 2017. Twitter and Instagram is @kelleyiskelley and www.akelleylynnlife.com