Valentine's Day Archives - Love TV

Tag: Valentine’s Day

6 Ways to Seduce Your Spouse on Valentine’s Day

by zfortadminin SEX TIPS

If you’re worried this year’s Valentine’s Day will just be a repeat of every other year with your spouse, then we have a list for you. There’s no reason the two of you can’t make the most of the day and spice things up to celebrate your love. These 6 tips will help you stay curious and give you and your partner a whole new perspective on Valentine’s Day!

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Hey, Single Ladies! 7 Ways To OWN Valentine’s Day This Year

by zfortadminin LOVE

If you prefer to call it Single’s Awareness Day, this is for you. Just because you’re single on Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean you can’t have an incredible day to celebrate yourself! So what are you waiting for? Give these 7 tips a try!

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My Valentine’s Day Despair and Triumph

by Alexandra Norrisin DATING ADVICE, LOVE1 Comment on My Valentine’s Day Despair and Triumph

It’s a sunny February afternoon in Santa Monica, around 3pm. I am on my way to a meeting and then to meet up with the man who makes my heart stop. I walk a razor’s edge with him. I have never been this excited by another human’s presence who was also enchanted with mine. I stack my lovingly wrapped gifts in the trunk and just as the lid slams down, I do the kind of double take only the gut-that-knows-more-than-your-lovestruck-distraction could muster and I realize in my daze I left the keys in with the presents.

The auto-club service is very prompt, I barely have time to eat the taco with mango salsa that I ordered from the nearby taqueria chain/xanax alternative for the wait, but this delay causes me to miss my window of traffic freedom. Rush hour is coming in hot. As a recent transplant in LA, I am about to understand in this moment the reality of what is normally a 40 minute commute to my love’s home, is now easily quadrupled.

I cancel my meeting (actually they cancel it for me when they realize the time and distance and advise me that my eyes are bigger than my distance) and live-text apologies, a few updates, some incredulity and upbeat hope for our plans at stoplights to my heart-stopper. It’s no use. It appears I may have ruined Valentine’s Day. We both have work obligations so our time is reduced to an interaction long enough for him to issue a sweeping rejection of any of my gifts or attention. We agree to meet up after we finish our work.

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Do You Hate Valentine’s? Here’s Why Some Couples Do.

by zfortadminin LOVE

Valentine’s Day haters do not just include those who find themselves without a valentine.

There are plenty of reasons couples hate Valentine’s Day too, and they are not necessarily just because the “holiday” can all too often feel hollow, or capitalistic, or otherwise forced. So I asked six relationship experts to reveal why they think some couples hate Valentine’s Day so much. After all, these psychologists, therapists, and other experts know a thing or two about the dynamics of couples. I figured they could shed light on such a widespread feeling of dislike.

Shed they did. And one expert reminded that it’s possible that even the grinches of Valentine’s Day can be won over, if they just change their mindset. “For people that hate V-Day, I would suggest they find amazing ways to show love that buck the commercial aspects,” Rob Alex, who created Sexy Challenges and Mission Date Night with his wife, tells Bustle. The options are endless, but the only rule is that you eschew traditional tropes of the day for things that are more personal and special.

“Make your own card, cook a fabulous meal together and just spend that valuable time with your partner, just being together and talking,” Alex says. “Love is the most valuable thing on the planet, and yet it doesn’t cost a dime.” Truth. Here are 10 reasons some couples hate Valentine’s Day so much, from a psychological standpoint:

1. Disappointment Is Too Easy

If there’s smoke, there’s fire — and if there are expectations, disappointment is bound to be not too far behind. “Couples learn to dislike Valentine’s because of the pressure to be romantic, to do something special, and the disappointment when it doesn’t go right,” Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Romance, psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences, tells Bustle. “That’s why keeping it simple is a good idea.” If you keep the whole thing low-key, as she suggests, your expectations will stay at a reasonable level, and you won’t set yourself up for disappointment.

2. It’s Commercial

“Many people hate V-Day from the commercial standpoint,” Alex tells Bustle. Basing the day on “how much you spend on your partner” will never make anyone feel fulfilled, he says. “Getting away from the commercial aspect of Valentine’s Day could help these people heal from their hatred of V-Day,” says Alex, aka the Guru of Getting It On.

3. Some People Think It’s A Fake Holiday

Similarly, psychologist Nikki Martinez tells Bustle that “some people believe that it is a ‘Hallmark holiday’ — something made up to sell cards and candy.” Though the origins of the day are anything but commercial — in fact, the traditions associated with Valentine’s Day started out rather dark — the day has evolved to be just that, but only if you let it be.

4. It Can Feel Obligatory

“Valentine’s Day can feel like obligatory love,” Carlyle Jansen, author of Author, Sex Yourself: Woman’s Guide to Mastering Masturbation and Achieving Powerful Orgasms, tells Bustle. “I have told my partner never to do anything for me on the 14th of February. Any of the other 364 days of the year is wide open for indulgence, and I am happy to receive any other time.” She just doesn’t want her partner to do something special just because “it feels like you are ‘supposed to,'” she says. “Of course, my partner always thinks that this is a trick and will get into trouble if nothing happens.”

5. You’re Forced To Perform

“I believe couples can come to hate V-Day, because of all the commercialization of this holiday with the emphasis on spending too much money,” relationship coach and psychic medium Cindi Sansone-Braff, author of Why Good People Can’t Leave Bad Relationships, tells Bustle. “Restaurants can be overcrowded and over-charging, and yet the pressure to do something special can make couples do things they really rather not be doing.” Rather than forcing yourself to shell out for a prix fixe menu you’d rather not eat, feel free to stay home and watch a movie — you can always get dolled up and go out another night.

6. It Can Feel Superficial

“People hate rejection, and if a focus is on a romantic love, which is fleeting, then almost any love that is not superficial could feel to some as if they are experiencing something ‘less than,'” psychotherapist and neuromarketing strategist Michele Paiva tells Bustle. In other words, the superficial starts to feel real — and real, from-the-heart gestures can feel like they are not enough, even though they are authentic, if they don’t involve red roses or candy. “It is so important to understand that what is celebrated and what is real might be very different,” Paiva says. “We put expectations on ourselves, partners and relationships that are unrealistic.”

7. Too Much Is Crowded Into One Day

“Many believe that there should not be a day to show the other person how you feel about them, but this should be a regular occurrence throughout the year,” says Martinez. By jamming it all into one day, pressure and expectations can be too high — and you can lose out on exchanging little gifts and performing acts of kindness throughout the year.

8. You And Your Partner Can Be On Two Different Pages

“There’s always this unspoken need to meet your mate’s expectation, and frankly, two people who are otherwise very compatible, might just not be on the same page about the whole ‘Hallmark card and everything is coming up roses, candy hearts and chocolate kisses thing,'” says Sansone-Braff. A real, heart-to-heart discussion with your partner is in order. “The solution to this problem is to talk about what this holiday means or doesn’t mean to you, and come to some kind of compromise on how to spend this day together,” says Sansone-Braff. “Whatever you do, don’t start a War of the Roses over Valentine’s Day.”

9. It Can Be Re-Traumatizing

“Some have simply had terrible prior experiences in the past, and this has made them unable to move past it and learn to enjoy it and the company of their partner for a special celebration,” says Martinez. If you’ve had a horrible Valentine’s Day — or multiple awful V-Days past — you can skip the day, or make new memories by doing something completely different.

10. Everything Is Packed

And sometimes you want to share your googly eyes with no one but your partner. On Valentine’s Day, everywhere you go will be extra packed, often requiring reservations months in advance. Even worse: You’ll be surrounded by other couples, and it’s hard to ignore what everyone around you is doing/wearing/saying to each other. If you really, truly hate V-Day, and your partner does too, you can always opt out. But if you just dislike the day because of one or more of these underlying reasons, you can always alter your choices, so you can still celebrate love — without the icky parts.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

5 Special Tips to Create a Meaningful Valentine’s

by Christian Cintronin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

For couples this can be a relationship-defining holiday. 

I’ve spent more Valentine’s days painfully single than I’d like to admit. When you’re single, it’s easy to get distracted by all the flowers and candy you’re not getting.  The holiday is about celebrating love not candy hearts and having someone to share a meal with.  When I have had a Valentine I’ve been sure to make it special because we’re celebrating intimacy and romance. They’re more important than wasting time and money going through the motions. Here are a few ways to make your Valentine’s Day extra special:

  • Get an Original Gift – Valentine’s Day isn’t exactly Christmas. But for new couples it can be a relationship-defining holiday. For longtime couples, it can be a chance to reaffirm your connection. Why not show your love by showing your partner exactly how much you know about them? Does your partner like art? You can get them art supplies or a book of paintings by their favorite artist. How about sports? Get them a small piece of swag with their favorite sports team. Does your partner collect anything, have a unique hobby, or is a hardcore fan of something? You’ve got your gift idea right there. The old adage is it’s the thought that counts. A little thoughtfulness and effort can go a long way in getting the perfect gift. Intimate doesn’t always mean sexual. I’ve found my best luck getting gifts that truly represent the person they’re for.
  • Happy With Handmade – Establishing you have the same values is an important part of a long lasting relationship. Does your partner actually like a big spectacle? You could just as easily invest time and effort rather than cold hard cash. A really great mix-tape can show your partner your favorite music and songs you think are romantic. Bare in mind this mixed tape might look more like a CD or a playlist on a mp3 player or iPod. You could give your partner an hour-long massage with oil and candlelight. This has served me in having a really special evening. There’s also something to be said for making them a unique piece of jewelry, painting, or even a love poem. Just make sure you’re doing it inspired by your love and not by the prospect of saving a few bucks. I like to make handmade cards and share how I’m feeling. It’s a way more valuable keepsake than a store bought card.
  • Sexy Gifts – Tis the season for some sex toys. There are rarely gift-giving occasions where toys or lingerie are appropriate. But Valentine’s is that day. You may not be married but you can still invest in marital aids. Sex is a very important part of any relationship. But, these should be gifts that your partner wants not something that you’ve been dying to try. Either way, Valentine’s is a great time to invest in that special toy or outfit you’ve had your eyes on. We all strive for sex to happen on Valentine’s Day. A little spice can go a long way.
  • Plan an Outing – It’s easy to get sucked into the con of spending twice as much on a prix fix menu to eat at a restaurant you wouldn’t choose otherwise. Why not try a trip to a museum, a well-planned hike turned picnic, or even a weekend away. Hotel prices may be at their peak but a well-timed surprise weekend can be transformative both for your relationship and day-to-day life.  My friend won major points a couple of Valentine’s ago by surprising his lady with a trip to San Francisco. It was a pretty major coup for him in their relationship.
  • Collaborate – A surprise can be a really great part of any gift. But this holiday is about celebrating your relationship. Why not show your couple pride by collaborating? Talk to your partner and get a feel for what they want. Talk about ideas and plan your special day together. After all there are two parts to any couple and both should get to enjoy the day. It may be the luxury of being queer but I find that it’s best when my guy and I discuss our plans for the holiday. It’s not fair to put all your expectations on the holiday on one person, regardless of their gender. A relationship is rarely one-sided so why should a holiday about relationships be?

Valentine’s Day is a simple holiday but when you’re in a relationship it does take on a whole new meaning. I know I’ve spent many of them alone so I know my partner may need a little extra special attention. But there are also some people who are super low maintenance and may not want to make a big fuss. The trick to making the most of the holiday is to show your partner you really care. Buck the system of expectations and an overreliance on pink hearts and remind yourself to celebrate your partner. The most important tip to surviving Valentine’s Day is to show you know your partner and honor their feelings. Have a very Happy Valentine’s Day!

A Valentine’s Day Rebirth

by Laura Manninoin LOVE

It turned out Valentine’s Day ended up being pretty special and terrifying.

I like Valentine’s Day. There. I said it. It doesn’t bother me. I get why it bugs other people. It’s a marketing scheme invented by Hallmark that either puts pressure on people to buy overpriced cards, dinner, jewelry, and stuffed animals, (for those who buy other adults stuffed animals), or it makes you feel bad that you don’t have anyone to buy you all that stuff.  Like One Direction and Anne Hathaway, I don’t mind that Valentine’s Day exists and it has its place in the marketplace.  I know that’s a very easy position to take when you have someone to celebrate Valentine’s Day with, but even if I didn’t, I would like to think I’d use it as a great excuse to eat too much chocolate, get drunk with my friends and hate-watch that Anne Hathaway movie. Also, what else are you going to do in February? The holidays are over. That Super Bowl commercial that everyone tweeted about has lost its luster and is now just another commercial in heavy rotation. The weather sucks and it’s only going to get worse in March. What else do you have to look forward to? A President’s Day mattress sale?  Just order off the pre-fixe menu and rest assure you’re going to get laid.

My husband, Alex and I have been together for a really long time. When I tell a twenty-something how long we’ve been together, I can see her do math in her head and search for a nice way to tell me that I look great for a corpse. Our first Valentine’s Day was February 2001 during our senior year in college. THE TOWERS WERE STILL UP FOR SEVEN MORE MONTHS! That’s how long we’ve been together.

So for fourteen straight Valentine’s Days during this century, Alex and I would mark the occasion somehow with some combination of dinner, gifts, something that involved planning, primping and thinking of each other.  And then we had a baby last year. Cue screeching car brake sound effect. We spent last Valentine’s Day the same way we spent everyday those previous two weeks: sitting in a hospital NICU tending to our baby son, Harrison, who decided to join us six weeks earlier than expected.

For the first time in our relationship, we forgot about Valentine’s Day. It’s a thing other people living in the outside world get to do. Valentine’s Day no longer applied to us. We were completely unaware of anything that wasn’t about our son’s current bilirubin levels and weight.  We would have no idea that ISIS invaded Los Angeles as long as the route between our house and the hospital remained terror-free.  It turned out Valentine’s Day ended up being pretty special and terrifying. We found out that day would be our son’s last in the NICU and that night would be our first with him in a room at the hospital. It hit us that we will now be for reals parents, totally on our own without a team of nurses and doctors, no backsies. “Okay. So what do we do in the meantime? Wanna get food? It’s Valentine’s Day. I guess.”  

We found ourselves sitting at the only restaurant that’s walking distance from the hospital, the Pacific Dining Car.  The Pacific Dining Car is a historic Los Angeles institution that time forgot. If you’re not familiar with it, you may recognize it from that scene from “Training Day” when Denzel meets up with three corrupt higher-ups smoking cigars and being mean and stern about stuff. Soooo romantic. It’s the old man joint of old man joints: leather banquettes, dark wood, and a menu full of 70’s wedding banquet fare including surf and turf, prime rib, shrimp cocktail, a lot of versions of the baked potato, and something called a “Baseball Steak.”  There was no rose on the table, no special Valentine’s menu; actually there was no reference that it was Valentine’s Day.  The other patrons didn’t seem romantically involved or to even like each other.  Everyone there seemed to be negotiating a hit for hire.  It was the restaurant manifestation of our mindset: Valentine’s Day is a thing that happens to other people somewhere else.  We’re dealing with more important things.

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Perfect Bedroom Tips for Valentine’s

by zfortadminin Sex

Is your bedroom Valentine’s Day ready?

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and we’ve already given you plenty of ideas for gifts for your sweetheart, ways to decorate your home and adorable cards to send to your loved-ones in the mail. But let’s get down to business. Is your bedroom Valentine’s Day ready?

We spoke with a renowned sex coach, Amy Levine of Ignite Your Pleasure to get sexy bedroom ideas and tips to make a few simple changes so this space is a scene for red hot romance.

Amy Levine: Often the bedroom can be a catch-all of clutter, rather than a sensual haven. Look around your room and take note of the sights that cause you to be stressed out, overwhelmed or anxious, and remove them.

Levine also listed the 5 common culprits that turn out to be sources of “sexual sabotage.”

Clothing – This includes both dirty and clean laundry. Put clean clothes away in your closet and dirty clothes in the hamper as soon as you take them off (except the items you strip off in the heat of the moment as you’re getting it on).

Papers and Books – Move any bills that need to be paid, other paperwork, and books that you haven’t had time to read to another room. They don’t belong in your bedroom as they serve as reminders of to-dos, and can prevent you from getting in the mood.

Technology – A computer, TV, cell phone or tablet charging on your nightstand are all distractions.

Photos – Do you really want to look at a photo of family members when you’re having sex? Probably not. Instead, angle these photos away from the bed, or move them to the living room.

Children’s Toys – While your kids may play in your room at times, move their things to their own bedroom or playroom.

Basically, if an item is not in sync with making you feel sexy or allowing you to have a great night’s sleep, then get it out of your bedroom!

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The Origins of Valentine’s Day Are Not What You Think

by zfortadminin LOVE

Digging in to the Roots of Love on Wings, Beloved of the Day, and the original Roman festival 

In the Western world, Valentine’s Day was observed as long ago as during the Roman occupation of the British Isles. According to the American Book Days, the original connection between Saint Valentine and a lovers festival was quite likely accidental. Saint Valentine was martyred on February 14 in A.D. 270, and his name became associated with the Roman spring festival of Lupercalia, which was held on February 15. This festival, with its theme of fertility, apparently involved putting the names of young women into an urn, to be drawn out by men for “beloved of the year” pairing. Frank Staff, in The Valentine and Its Origins, notes the significance of a popular medieval belief that mid-February was the time birds paired for mating and that the associated idea of love-on-wings became connected to Saint Valentine and human lovers during that period.

Whatever its true origin, by the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, Valentine’s Day had become a popular holiday, especially in Great Britain. It was a topic for poems and song lyrics, many written expressly for the occasion, such as John 14’ly’s “Apelles Song” 1584 in which Cupid and Alexander’s true love, Campaspe, play cards for kisses. Cupid unsuccessfully stakes his mother’s doves and sparrows on the game: a clear reference to the medieval association I have already noted. In addition, exchanging gifts-many times expensive ones-had become the custom on this date in the homes of the wealthy.

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How to Annoy People in Love on Valentine’s Day: Top 10 List

by Kelley Lynnin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Inspired by “I left the grocery store a few days before Valentine’s Day, in tears.”

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, life can be rough. Sometimes a routine trip to the grocery store can feel like an attack on every emotion. Aisles filled with red and pink everything. Plastic, tacky heart decorations and large teddy bears holding cheap chocolates permeating the shelves. Love and Hallmark wafting in the air:  Rows of cards with messages like:  “Marriage Means Growing Old Together.”, “I Want to Grow Old With You.” The final straw is: “We Will Be Together Forever.”

A couple years ago, I left the grocery store a few days before Valentine’s Day, in tears. When I got to the register, there was a couple in their 70’s or 80’s in front of me paying for their things. The husband was lightly teasing the wife; they were bantering and joking around. It was very sweet, and I was so jealous of them and their time together. As he put all the heavy items onto the counter for her, she looked at me lovingly and said: “My husband is so good at that! He always makes sure I don’t have to use my muscles.” She laughed warmly, meaning no harm. I smiled with my lips, and cried my way right out of the store and back into my car. She looked at me with confusion as they left the store, leaning on one another, literally.

That night, I remember going home and just crying for a really long time. After awhile, you kind of grow tired of crying, and you want to start taking action. So, this year, as we come up on about a week and a half before Valentine’s Day, I have decided to make a wish list of all the things I would LOVE to do on that day, but cannot, because I would surely be arrested.

Here are my Top 10 Ways to Annoy Those in Love on Valentine’s Day: (this is just for fun, and no people in love were harmed in the making of this Top 10 list. Thank you.

  1. Candy-Policing: 

Go into Walgreen’s, CVS, and other drugstores that sell cheap, stale candy like “Whitmann’s Sampler” – and wait for men to pick it up to purchase. Each time a guy picks up a box, look at him and say: “Really? This is what you’re going with? Seriously? If I were you, I wouldn’t even bother with the red tacky heart shaped balloon on a stick. Now you’re just being insulting.”

  1. Call Out the Cheapskates: 

Stand at a bus terminal, or the grocery store, or gas station, where men go to buy last-minute flowers. Stand in front of the display and yell out in a sales-pitchy voice: “Get your discounted, non-personal, I don’t give a shit about you at all, flower arrangements right here! These flowers are guaranteed to live for your entire car ride home – up to 10 miles. Tell your girl to ignore the weird, musty smell coming from inside the bouquet. We don’t know what it is either. Please don’t ask. She can water these, but it won’t help. These flowers WILL die, suddenly and without warning. Just like my husband!”

  1. Party of One: 

Go to a restaurant, put name on reservations list with the last name “Widow”, so they have to call out: “Widow – Party of One. Widow – Party of One???” Get a table in the center, alone, and wait for all the couples to show up together, celebrating Valentine’s Day. Once the place is filled with happy couples; start loudly talking and giggling to yourself, as if there is another person there with you. Act extra giddy. Laugh loudly, pull out a rose from under the table, present it to yourself, and say: “Oh baby! You SHOULDN’T have! For meeeee?” Bat eyelashes. Unbutton  top two buttons on blouse, look across the table and say: “Oooh! Here? Right now? You naughty, naughty boy!” Then get up, holding hands with imaginary lover, and exit, leaving them all completely confused and stunned.

  1. Depressing Hearts:

Start your own line of ” Anti – Valentines Day Conversation Hearts”, and replace all the normal ones in stores with them. They would have messages like:  “Everyone Will Die”, “Love Ends When One of You Dies”, “I Am Completely Alone”, “This Heart Was Made With Real Tears”, “Happy Valentine’s Day! I’m Dead!”, “Will You Be My Valentine … Cat?”, “Be Mine – Until I Die Unexpectedly”, “All We Are Is Dust In the Wind”, “You Might Choke on this Candy Heart and Die”, “There’s a Good Chance One of Us Will Get Sick Someday”, “Nobody is Promised Tomorrow” “Text Me! No Wait – Never Mind. My phone Is Disconnected Cuz I’m Dead.” Okay, most of these most likely wouldn’t fit onto a tiny little candy heart, but this is a fantasy, so let’s just pretend it does.

  1. Romantic-Tragedy:

Get a hold of every romantic comedy ever made in the history of time, go through and at the very beginning, add a shot of yourself saying into the camera: “SPOILER ALERT! None of this matters! Everybody Dies!” This way, each rom-com will now end the same exact way. With death.

  1. Hallmark Moment: 

Go through every card aisle of every Hallmark store on earth with magic marker, and put sad faces and giant penis drawings on all of the Valentine’s Day cards. Hide behind display and laugh.

  1. Chocolate-Covered Poop:

Pre-chew all of the Valentine’s Day chocolates, then put them back into their little wrappers. Replace identification signs like “Vanilla Cream” and “Rasberry Filling” with signs that say things like: “This tastes like Ass”, or, “Unidentifiable Orange Disaster”, or, “Smells of Poop.” Laugh loudly at the thought of candy victim eating this nasty chocolate later on.

  1. I Love You, Mommy:

Be the person in charge of the messages that get attached to all of the flower deliveries. Mix them all up so they go to inappropriate people. Send a dozen roses with the message: “I can’t wait to be alone with you tonight. You make me so hot!” to some dude’s mom, from her son. Creepy.

  1. Wedding Crasher:

Crash a wedding. Wait for the priest to say: “If anyone here does not approve of this marriage, speak now or forever hold your piece…” (Okay. Nobody actually says that in weddings. Ever. I have never once heard it in my entire life and I’ve been to a lot of weddings. But again … this is a fantasy, so let’s pretend.) When he says that, yell from the back of the church:  “I DO NOT CONDONE THIS UNION!!!” Then drop your pants and blast the Benny Hill theme song over the loudspeakers. When it ends, leave slowly and awkwardly; sans pants.

  1. Widow Card: 

Bring spouse’s death certificate all over the place, and keep presenting it at stores as if it’s a gift card or discount card for items purchased. “Excuse me, do you offer a Widow Discount? I have this death certificate …. ” “Yes, it’s Valentine’s Day, and my husband died. I’d like to buy myself some flowers and chocolates. What is your policy on Widow Discounts? Here is the death certificate … ” “Can I just get HALF of a banana split? I have nobody to split it with, since my husband is dead and all. Please give me the Widow Price. Here’s the certificate…” Watch store clerks and others go insane with bafflement.

As much joy as all of these fun examples would bring to my life, I will mot likely not have the courage to do such silly things, and perhaps instead, sit home and stare longingly at the wall. I will remember years past and try to re-capture what it felt like, to be loved by the best man I ever knew. I will think about the future, and about the feelings I now have for someone else, and how those feelings will hopefully be reciprocated in the way that I want them to be soon. I will think about how my husband would want me to find some joy in life, and also how he would find this Top Ten List pretty hilarious. I will think about how incredibly lucky I was, that he chose me, and that I know what that kind of love feels like, and then I will try really hard to not be too sad, and to know that love grows more love, and that there will be more love in my life, because I loved and still love him, forever.

Anyone wanna get a nice widow girl some flowers?

Who Knew this LOVE Potion Actually Had Science to Back it Up

by zfortadminin LOVE

The box of chocolates used to be a first-date staple but has fallen out of fashion of late. Sarah Knapton, the Telegraph’s Science Editor explains why the tradition should be revived.

Turning up with a box of chocolates on a first date is about as naff as brandishing a bouquet of Tesco ‘seven-day fresh’ carnations.

Although the Milk Tray man charmed a generation of women into believing that stealthily depositing confectionary on a pillow was endearing (rather than criminally alarming), today’s calorie-counting singletons no longer want suitors proffering a tray of temptation.

Thus the chocolate box tradition seemed irrevocably consigned to the dustbin of history.

But wait! New research suggests that there could be something in it after all.

American academics at Purdue University found that tasting something sweet can increase the level of attraction you feel for a prospective partner.

Researchers tested the effect of sweet drinks and biscuits on a group of 180 volunteers and asked them to rate how alluring they viewed a potential date.

Intriguingly those who had the sugary treats were more interested in going out with the date than those who had stuck to water or crisps.

Scientists think that the same brain systems underlie sweet taste and feelings of love. Both trigger production of the pleasure chemical dopamine which may explain why we naturally crave both. They claim that activating one area, ‘may facilitate activation of the other.’

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It’s Not the Climax Date on the Calendar That Matters

by Lisa Lauretain RELATIONSHIPS

This plan couldn’t be beat…until it was.

I’ve never cared much about Christmas, or Thanksgiving. I don’t go “home for the holidays.” I haven’t given Valentine’s Day a second thought since I was a teenager.

Precious Days

I’m not completely devoid of sentiment. I do have a couple of special days a year that I celebrate “religiously.” Halloween and New Year’s Eve have always had great significance to me. Halloween because it’s when everyone acts the way they wish they could the rest of the year, and New Year’s Eve because it’s symbolic of a new beginning, a wiping of the slate, a celebration of accomplishments from the year before and an acknowledgement of goals and dreams about what’s to come. Those are precious days to me and as such, I try to spend them doing special things with people who I find invaluable to my life.

This year, I spent Halloween with a friend rather than my partner, because my partner was out of town for a couple of months. When he’d announced his plans to be gone over my favorite holiday, I was slightly heartbroken, but understood. It was for the trip of a lifetime and I wasn’t going to let a one-day, city-wide costume party get in the way of that for him. It just meant to both of us that New Year’s Eve would be even more special.

Unforgettable Date with Mom

His mom was in town on over the holiday weeks, so on New Year’s Eve Day we went to a small island off the coast of Southern California and did some cave kayaking. It was amazing. I saw wild foxes, seals, dolphins and some whales; truly an unforgettable day. That night, however, was for us and his mom understood that, so she said we should take it for ourselves and do something special.

Epic Climax Date Plans

When he had asked me what I wanted to do, being the overly amorous gal that I am, I told him my only real goal for the night was for us to be climaxing during the countdown, and for a full release at “Happy New Year!” He agreed that would be an epic New Year’s plan. All that was left was location.

We’d originally intended to go camping, somewhere not too far, like Joshua Tree. However, the weather had other plans, deciding that torrential downpours followed by sub-zero temperatures would be a better way to spend New Years. So J Tree was out, however, there were closer places we could go. We explored all of our options, and as wet and cold as it was going to be, it seemed like the best plan would be to just stick to a hike somewhere close. We would get to the top of a mountain, screw each other’s brains out until the countdown was over, and then head home.

Dehydration…a Kicker

This plan couldn’t be beat…until it was. My partner, who avoided drinking water during our all-day kayaking trip because he didn’t want to pee in his wet suit, was extremely dehydrated. We took in a bunch of fluids and made some macaroni and cheese. Did I mention he’s lactose intolerant? Just a little bit, but apparently something like that is greatly exacerbated by a weakened system due to dehydration. Needless to say, he started to not feel very well.

Should I Stay or Should I Go

We took a quick nap before our hike and I woke up ready to go! He woke up…slightly less excited. I couldn’t tell at that point whether he just didn’t feel like going out or he was really ill. So I said I could go on my own. This was in no way meant out of spite or passive aggression, and he knew that. I simply wanted to be outside at midnight and I don’t like dragging people along when they don’t want to be there. He insisted on coming with me. He just kept saying, “I wanna be with you.”

What I should have said was, “okay, let’s stay here then.” But I still didn’t fully realize just how bad it was, until we got to the mountain. We got out of the car with our backpack filled with Trader Joe’s fireworks chocolate, sparkling apple cider, and a blanket. He wasn’t looking great, so I asked him if we should go back. “NO! I want it to be special.” Just minutes into the hike it became apparent to me just how ill he was. We were stopping every few minutes for him to collect himself. This was certainly going to be a special night. But not the type of special either of us had intended.

The Mountain at Midnight

We made it up to the mountain and during the midnight count down he was off in the bushes taking care of some nasty business while I toasted myself for my achievement of keeping cool and not being too grossed out. We headed back down the mountain and I drove us home. By this time more than ever I felt terrible for making him come with me and being so insistent on this being a special night.

Best Laid Plans Became a Care Package

I took care of him the rest of the night and the entire next day. While I nursed him back to health I realized something. I don’t know if it’s because I’m older now and don’t party anymore, or if it’s because I’ve finally found someone who I’m calm and comfortable with, but it didn’t matter to me that it wasn’t ideal. This night was actually the opposite of ideal. It was kind of the worst. I watched disgusting things happen to the person I was supposed to be doing altogether other kinds of disgusting things with. But despite this, I was glad to have spent the night with him. I was happy to have been able to take care of him and I was glad he was around. This leads me to ask the ever important question: what happened to me?!

Another Day for a “Special” Date

We made a deal to do a countdown later on this year, which we’ve set a date for. We’ll recreate New Year’s Eve well past its actual date, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that we’ll be together, and that we were together.

So this Valentine’s day, I urge you, dear reader, to treat it like any other day: special. Special not because it’s February 14, but because of the company you’re with and the moments you share. Even if those moments turn out gross.

I’m Taking Valentine’s Back: A Curable Romantic

by Virginia Jonesin LOVE

I have had an awful superstition about Valentine’s day. You?

Growing up, I loved Valentine’s day.  I really did.  I loved writing little cards for my friends, doling out the extra big cards to the kids I REALLY was nuts about, making little candy bags, decorating a shoebox mailbox to within an inch of its life.

I loved it as an adult, getting dressed up and going out with someone special.  I would make handmade cards for my friends at work and was generally a Valentine’s weirdo.  I loved Valentine’s day for both platonic and romantic love.  I loved having an excuse for telling people I cared about them.

One year, I got up at five in the morning and drove to a white-tiled tunnel in Portland.  It would get grimy from car exhaust and you could write in it.  I wrote KENNY BE MINE with a yellow sponge mop, knowing that the same Kenny would drive past it on the way to work and wonder if it was for him.  As it turns out, most of his office knew and teased him mercilessly.  But I loved doing it.

A few years later, I got asked out on a first date on Valentine’s day.  It was such a preposterously bad idea I agreed to it, like wearing a jumpsuit to a wedding.  We went out for drinks and I said, I heard you were still married, and he said yeah, but she doesn’t live here anymore.  At the time, I gave this a pass, but today I’d say if you ask a person if they’re married and they say yes, you shouldn’t continue to see them.

We got serious very quickly and were married a year later.

Ten years later, he asked me for a divorce on Valentine’s day, because he was seeing a friend of mine and he wanted her to live in the house where I lived and he thought it might get crowded.  I felt really blindsided.  I knew we weren’t the best marriage ever, but I thought we were functional.  I had hoped it would improve, but now it wouldn’t.

So, I moved out to Los Angeles, and got a stupid haircut, and did all the stuff divorced women are supposed to do.  Dated people who were too young for me.  Lived in a fancy apartment full of other divorced ladies.  Got many pedicures, bought myself flowers.  A year later on Valentine’s day, I was in Bangkok, Thailand, and my friend wrote me an email and said, hey, how you doin’, and I said, not that bad, and she said, are your text messages turned off, and I said yeah, it’s too expensive here, and she said Oh!  Well, we’ll talk when you get home.  So, when I landed at LAX, I finally turned on my text messages and my phone started going off like a slot machine bring barrring barrring barrring and for a second I thought, am I famous for something? So, I have all these messages because everyone wants to tell me that my husband got married on Valentine’s day, to the girl he left me for, on the radio, so that pretty much everyone I knew heard it.  True to form, he had married her in about a year.  Just likes being married, I guess.

This is his third marriage, and I wish the third wife the best of luck, because, you know, he cheated on the first two!  But probably they don’t need luck, because according to his facebook posts, their love is special.

One of the first things I learned when I got divorced, is that they’re all sad.  Even your friend who bitched about her husband constantly is sad when he’s not her husband anymore, because it’s a wish that didn’t come true, and a promise they couldn’t keep- so, when someone tells you they’re getting a divorce, please keep in mind that the correct response is never- that’s great!

Another of the gifts of being divorced is that it makes everything else seem not so bad.  It’s like bombing onstage in comedy, once you’ve truly tried to share your worldview with a roomful of people who want no part of it, once you’ve been talking onstage to just sheer, thick, unadulterated silence, and you survive that, you know you can survive a lot of things.  So, every traffic ticket or lost credit card I’ve had since then, I have real perspective on, like, well, I didn’t just get unceremoniously dumped!  It could absolutely be worse.  It always can.

For several years, I have had an awful superstition about Valentine’s day, and have panicked and ended relationships around then, and have regarded with suspicion it like you might give a wary eye to the corner where you had a bad car accident- it doesn’t mean it will happen again, but now you know that it could.

It’s been six years now, and my Valentine’s day breakup doesn’t strike me as tragic anymore, it’s just annoying, more like a papercut or a stubbed toe rather than a stabbing feeling in one’s chest.  It’s not Valentine’s day’s fault.  It’s just a dumb little holiday that the Romans started when they noticed that the weather was a little warmer and all the animals around them were doing it.  I can still love my friends.  I can still share feelings with a partner.  So, this is the year I’m taking it back.  I’m going to make dumb little cards and make romantic plans.  But I’m not going out to dinner.  That’s for suckers.

My Complex Life and Lessons Around Valentine’s Day

by Kelley Lynnin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I wish you were more romantic. I wanted to feel special today, and you forgot.

On Superbowl Sunday in the year 2005, my then “boyfriend”, soon to be fiance and then husband, drove a Penske moving truck with his cat in his lap and his life in boxes, from Florida to New Jersey, to begin a new life with me. We had been through a 7-year long-distance relationship together, and after saving lots of money and doing lots of planning, the love of my life decided to finally make his move and leave his friends, family, and job as an EMT in Florida.

Ten days later, it was Valentine’s Day. Our first one as a couple, living together. Don was still unpacking his 50,000 boxes and thousands of various random items, life was chaotic, and we were both still getting used to the idea of being each other’s new “roommates.”

When Valentine’s Day came, the hopeless-romantic girl part of me took over, and I guess I expected my man to do something epic. I was picturing beautiful hand-written poetry or cards, gorgeous floral bouquets, a romantic gourmet dinner made by him (even though the man couldn’t boil water, literally), spontaneous slow-dancing in our living room, chocolate-covered strawberries (my favorite) being fed to me as we gazed into each other’s eyes; the works. I don’t know why, really. Maybe all the years of this Hallmark, commercial holiday had finally gotten to me. Maybe the pressures of society and seeing endless girls getting roses at the office and none for me, played on my heart. Maybe I was so depressed and sad in past Valentine’s Days, because I pretty much never had a Valentine, that I was convinced THIS was my year to finally reap the rewards of true love and romance.

I don’t know what made me expect and picture those things, but those things were not what I got. The spontaneous dancing never happened, and the flowers never came. Instead, my guy parked himself down on the worn-out couch, let out a big sigh, and exclaimed: “Damn. I’m exhausted.” I proceeded to run into the bathroom and cry.

“How could you forget Valentine’s Day?’,I selfishly wailed to him through the door. “I wish you were more romantic. I wanted to feel special today, and you forgot.” I continued to cry for way longer than was necessary, and then I made him feel really bad and really guilty for forgetting, on our first Valentine’s Day together. Now, looking back on this moment that I am NOT proud of, this would have been the perfect opportunity for my beloved, to grab his 500 million boxes and his cat, and run screaming away from me as fast as he possibly could, and into the arms of a normal woman, who is sane. It also would have been the perfect time for him to call me out on being a total whiny bitch about nothing. But he didn’t. That is not who he was. Ever. Instead, this dear man said very sincerely and genuinely and with a bit of a smirk: “Oh boy. I think I’m in trouble here. I’m sorry, sweetie. I just moved in and I was so tired from the move, it just slipped my mind. I promise I’ll do better next year. I won’t forget. I’m sorry.”

Later that year, we got engaged, and in 2006, we got married. Him forgetting Valentine’s Day became an ongoing joke with us throughout our almost 5 years together, and each year from then on, he would get me 2 cards instead of one, 2 bags of candy instead of one, and 2 bouquets of roses instead of one – all to make up for the “one” he forgot the first time around. When we laughed about it, which was often, I would ask him why he didn’t pack up his shit and leave me right then and there, to save himself from a life of living with an unappreciative girly-bitch. He laughed it off and said: “I will admit to getting a bit peeved when you said I’m not romantic. All I could think was: ‘Not romantic? I just packed up my entire LIFE and moved to freakin’ NEW JERSEY, for you!!! Who moves to New Jersey? This place sucks! You don’t get more romantic than THAT, woman!” This theme became such an inside joke for us in our time together, that he repeated that question as part of his self-written wedding vows to me. “My love for you sometimes defies all logic. After all, who moves to New Jersey? On purpose?” Our friends and family roared with laughter.

Now, today, five and a half years after my husband’s sudden death, it is Valentine’s. I can’t help but think about all the many ways in which I have changed since losing him, and all the many things I wish like hell I could tell him I’m sorry for. Before I knew my husband, I spent way too many years being upset and sad that I didn’t have anyone on Valentine’s Day. And then I DID have someone on Valentine’s Day, FINALLY! Not only did I have someone, I had someone who changed his life for me, changed where he was living for me, took a risk on love for me. And I didn’t appreciate it. Not that first year. I was too focused on my perception of what Valentine’s Day meant, and what I should be “getting” as a result of it. The whole time, the greatest gift of my life, was sitting right there on my couch, exhausted from just moving his entire life – for me. For us. From that day forward, the entire idea of Valentine’s Day, and love itself, changed for me. I started caring less about why he didn’t spontaneously get me flowers, and started seeing all the incredible things this man did for me every single day – things that matter. Now, I’m not going to bullshit anyone here. I am STILL a hopeless romantic. I love flowers, I love spontaneous dancing in the living room, and I’m still waiting for my gourmet romantic dinner – made with love from a person who cares about me. I still get giddy and silly-happy from all of those things.

But now, I appreciate those things with a fire I can’t quite explain. When the person I have feelings for sent me roses on my birthday this past fall, I couldn’t stop smiling. I also must have thanked him 17 times, minimum. It just never feels like enough times to say thank you or show my appreciation, because I can’t ever thank my husband again for all he did for me, and that breaks my heart.

I believe, truly, that one of the ways in which the people we love who have died, stay with us, is when we take on some of their best character traits. My husband was kind, big-hearted, and appreciative and aware of doing the small things that were actually big things. I have now become this way, and I am truly thankful whenever someone does something nice for me, especially when it is unexpected. He gave that gift to me, and that piece of him has stayed inside me, literally. My husband was not “romantic” in the way that most people would define that word. He was not the type of guy that would pick up flowers for no reason, or make me dinner. (Again, he was the worst cook in the universe, and he would often joke that if anything ever happened to him on the job and he didn’t come home, he promised he would send me my own personal chef.) But looking back now, the things that my husband did on a daily basis, were absolutely beyond incredible. Everyday that I’m alive, I wish I could thank him for doing these things. I wish I could tell him how much I appreciated all of it. I am honestly not sure if I told him that enough. It feels like I didn’t, and I hate that. All I can do now, is see what’s in front of me going forward, and recognize the kinds of things someone does for you, when you are their priority. When your happiness, is their priority.

This Valentine’s Day, I would love it so much if I were to get some flowers, and I would once again appreciate them on a whole new level. I would love some chocolate-covered strawberries or a thoughtful little card, letting me know I am being thought of by someone important to me. But even more than that, I will be looking for those little things that are actually the big things – and I will feel lucky to know love like that, and to have had love like that. I miss my husband every single day of my life, and this time of year it feels more raw, because we were jut starting our life together, and now that is a life that cannot be. I cannot ever tell him that I saw and I felt all the little, big things he did for me. But I can tell you. On this upcoming Valentine’s Day, I would like to list just a few of those unromantic, romantic things, that my beautiful husband did for me, every single day.

Maybe if I tell you all, he will somehow know, that he has forever changed my definition of romance, love, and Valentine’s Day, and that I am grateful for it. Thank you.

1. Always handed me the keys to his car with a full tank of gas, and the oil checked, so that Id be safe.
2. Often left himself with NO money in his wallet before work, so that he could give his last $10 to me.
3. Reminded me that I was beautiful, often, and meant it.
4. Helped me to the bathroom, and waited on me hand and foot for a whole week, when I threw out my back.
5. Held my hair and washed my face off with a washcloth when I was puking my guts out from a bad reaction to Percacet.
6. The way he looked at me when I was performing or speaking onstage, like he was in awe of me.
7. He asked for my dad’s permission to marry me.
8. The way he would do things he didn’t want to do (like taking 8 weeks of ballroom dancing lessons so we could do a Foxtrot at our wedding reception), just to make me happy.
9. The way he made me feel safe from everything scary in the world.
10. Holding my hand and explaining things in a calm voice to me, when I would freak out on airplanes.
11. I trusted him with my life. He would have taken a bullet for me, or given his life for me. No doubt.
12. Held my hand until I was asleep, and then longer.
13. He moved his life from Florida to New Jersey, one week before Valentine’s Day, because that’s what it was going to take to be with me.

I love you, sweet husband. Thank you for changing the way I see everything.

17 Ways to Spice Up Your Valentine’s Day if You’re Tired of Flowers and Candy

by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Tired of the same old flowers and candy? Here are 17 ways to make your V-Day memorable.

Many have a love-hate relationship with Valentine’s Day. Sometimes, the same old roses and chocolates routine year after year can get boring.

Personally, I love doing something different every Valentine’s Day, even if it’s just a simple movie and making dinner at home. My favorite romantic meal to make is steak, veggies and popovers, but the options are limitless.

For couples who want to spice up their Valentine’s Day, here are 17 ways to make it a great one.

1. Book a boudoir photography session.

This will take a bit of planning before the big day. Find a local photographer and book a sexy boudoir session with them. Sometimes there are even Groupons.

Boudoirs are reminiscent of pin-up girls and are often intimate and romantic. Be sure to pose in your significant other’s favorite lingerie of yours for an erotic touch. Gift the photos to your partner on Valentine’s Day to get them in the mood. Then get ready for a night of bedroom fun.

2. Start the day off with some shower sex.

Even if you don’t have any plans, given that Valentine’s Day is on a Wednesday, start your work day off right and surprise your loved one with some good old-fashioned shower sex. Chances are, it will leave them wanting more post-work fun.

3. Consider adding some edible accessories to the mix.

If you’ve always wanted to try adding some flavor to sex, consider the ever ubiquitous whipped cream or some flavored lube. Some flavors are actually really tasty! You could even buy a few different flavors an do a taste test.

4. Volunteer together.

Valentine’s Day is all about love, right? Show some love to others and change up your Valentine’s routine with a volunteer session. VolunteerMatch.org pairs you with the best option for you.

5. 50 Shades it.

Get seriously sexy and take a page from the popular 50 Shades of Grey books and movies. There’s nothing like a little BDSM to spice up the most romantic day of the year. You don’t have to be a billionaire to tie your partner up and most floggers are available for under $50.

6. Get home from work before your partner and transform your place.

Leave work early on Valentine’s Day and transform your home into a romantic wonderland. Light candles, turn on a playlist of your favorite love-making music and lock the door so you have to answer it wearing just a little babydoll chemise.

loving married couple

7. Go hands free.

Post dinner when things get sexy, instead of touching each other with your hands, use every other part of your body—breasts, thighs, hair, tongue—the possibilities are endless.

You have incredibly soft parts of your body you don’t even think about. You might be surprised how great it feels to have a soft nose tracing up your neck or little sucking kisses on different places like the back of your knees or inside of your elbow.

8. Play middle school games.

It might sound silly, but there’s something fun and cute about remembering when you were first learning about falling in love or dating.

Make some cocktails then play a game of Truth or Dare (the sexier dares the better!). Later, you can even make some room in your closet for a little Seven Minutes in Heaven.

9. Send some naughty flowers.

Send a bouquet to your partner’s work. This seems innocent enough right? Make the note extra dirty with a fun message about what you plan to do to them when work’s over. Last year my boyfriend went the sweet route and surprised me with a bouquet of roses. He was traveling over Valentine’s Day and I didn’t expect anything at all!

Romantic young African couple

10. Breakfast in bed.

A simple and sweet gesture like breakfast in bed can be an incredibly romantic way to start your Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend and I started this tradition and every Sunday we have breakfast in bed.

11. Take a couple’s massage class—then try out what you learned on each other.

Research and find a reputable local couple’s massage class. When you’re home and cozy, practice on each other.

The best part about this is that it’s the gift that keeps on giving. It’s great to get a sexy massage on your anniversary or Valentine’s Day, but when my love gives me a relaxing massage it always leads to something else.

12. Get naughty at dinnertime.

If you’re heading out to dinner, get a little naughty under the table in between courses. Use your hands or your feet to make him feel a little extra excited for what comes after dessert.

13. Make dessert—and eat it off each other.

Some of my favorites are whipped cream, sprinkles, a scoop of ice cream, chocolate dipped fruit—the possibilities are endless.

14. Have sex before dinner.

There’s nothing more surprising than initiating a steamy love-making session before you leave for dinner. It’s enough to make you burn with passion over your appetizers and melt your dessert with lust.

15. Role play.

Even Modern Family’s Phil and Claire like to get a little role play going on Valentine’s Day. If you’re clueless on how to even start role playing, start simple—think of everyday scenarios between two people.

You could be teacher and student, doctor and patient, or repairman and homeowner.

blindfolded woman

16. Use a toy in front of your partner.

There’s just something I find utterly arousing about turning myself on while a significant other watches. Right before you finish, have a little romp together.

17. Take a staycation.

Book a hotel room or Airbnb together and enjoy fresh surroundings. Sometimes that’s all you need to rekindle the romance.

There are so many beautiful places that are different or creative. Boutique hotels or a bed and breakfast are all great options. One thing I love to do is find an Airbnb with a hot tub.

Enjoy fun and easy ways to spice up your Valentine’s Day.

Sometimes, this time of year can be downright depressing. Days are shorter and winter can be long and cold. Make your Valentine’s Day memorable this year with these suggestions. Hopefully it will be all you need to kick start your romance during the coldest time of the year.

Single this Valentine’s Day? Check out this guide to owning Valentine’s Day this year.