Tag: sexual health

My Boyfriend Didn’t Believe I Had an STI

by Rachel Meghanin Sex

I got the call from my gynecologist while in a van with four of my friends.

I was sitting in the front seat when I got a call from an unknown number. Obviously I don’t usually pick up when there isn’t a caller ID, but for some reason that was the day I decided to do so. I picked up the phone to hear my gyno’s voice.

“I just wanted to let you know that the results of your Pap smear are in. You’ve tested positive for HPV.” He didn’t sugar coat it.

Hanging up the phone in shock, my friends started to ask me what was wrong. I’m really bad at hiding my feelings, so I told them. They encouraged me to call my ex-boyfriend and let him know. So when we pulled over for gas, I got out of the car and called him.

This was not a good time in my life for me. My ex was extremely abusive to the point where I had a breakdown and temporarily moved across the country to get away from him. But even then, he was still torturing me from a distance. He would call me and tell me how much he missed me, but would insert backhanded compliments and straight digs about me at a time where I was extremely vulnerable. I was only 20 then, and he was my first love, so I had no idea how to fully rid myself of him.

He picked up the phone, surprised to hear from me in the middle of the day. His voice was sweet, but I knew it was just a disguise for how menacing he could truly be. I timidly told him the news.

“So my gyno called.”

“…..and?”

“And….he said I tested positive for HPV.”

My ex was silent on the other line for a moment. I didn’t know what he would say. I was hoping for some sort of support. Instead, I got questioned.

“Are you sure you got it from me?”

“Yes. You’re the only person I’ve had sex with in the past year.”

“What about the guy you lost your virginity to?”

The guy I lost my virginity to was someone I had sex with when I was 18 to get my first time “out of the way”. He was also a virgin at the time, and ended up coming out of the closet two months later. I got tested immediately after having sex with him, and everything was completely healthy. So there’s no way it could have been him.

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The Real Love Drug

by Virginia Jonesin Sex

“Oh oh catch that buzz

Love is the drug I’m thinking of

Oh oh can’t you see

Love is the drug for me”

– Roxy Music (Brian Eno/Andy Mackay)

Head and Brain Gears in Progress.think about loveWe’ve known for a long time that people who have just fallen in love feel like they’re on drugs – their systems flood with the feel-good hormone oxytocin, they don’t feel as great a need for food or sleep, and they can feel like they’re floating on air.  In cartoons, their hearts beat out of their chest and they hear Klaxon horns when they look at the object of their affection.  Sometimes their eyes bulge out until they fall out of their heads and are revealed to be light bulbs, which would be challenging to most people, but it doesn’t seem to bother them at all.

We also know that sometimes, people take drugs like MDMA or ecstasy to feel like they’re in love – which floods their brains with serotonin so that they develop deep emotional connections with strangers in a sand-filled tent at Burning Man.

This week, researchers at the Imperial College London may have discovered a real love drug that stimulates not just sexual but romantic feeling – Kisspeptin.

This hormone has a couple of important functions related to sex and reproduction– it triggers puberty, but it also turns a young man’s fancy to thoughts of love and romance, based on a study of 29 young men and their fancies.  Men were shown sexual images, nonsexual couple-bonding images, and neutral images, and their brains were scanned to determine their stimulation – those who were injected with kisspeptin did not just experience increased physical arousal, they also saw increased desires for couple-bonding and affection.  Their brains lit up in the areas associated with love and sex.  They also found neutral-to-negative images to be less negative when they were on the hormone, just as a person in love finds their mood elevated.

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The Scent of Your Rose…Top Influences

by zfortadminin Sex

Maybe you’ve wondered, “Does my vagina smell normal?” 

I don’t care how comfortable you are with your own body, we all have those moments where we think about how we smell down there. Maybe it’s at the doctor’s office before a pelvic exam, or it might be as your partner is making their way to your vagina for some up-close and personal fun. You wonder, “Do I smell normal? And what is normal anyway? What is a vagina supposed to smell like?”

Healthy vaginas often do have smells! Most of the time, these vagina scents aren’t awful—they just smell like a vagina; like the way you sometimes smell sweaty or how your feet stink in certain shoes. We smell like humans, and the smell of our vaginas depend on certain factors. If you just took a shower and washed your lady-bits, there probably isn’t any smell. But if you just had a marathon sex session, your vagina will have an odor.

Every vagina has its own unique scent, which is a combination of the normal bacteria that reside in your vagina, your diet, if you wear natural fabrics or synthetics, your level of hygiene, your bathroom habits, and what your glands secrete.

It’s important not to forget that your vagina also secretes pheromones that are supposed to trigger sexual interest and excitement.

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Sexless? Here are Remedies for a Reboot

by zfortadminin Sex

Stuck in a sexless marriage? You’re not alone.

According to data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, the top-searched marriage complaint on Google is “sexless marriage.” (What’s more, searches for “sexless marriage” are three and a half times more common than “unhappy marriage” and eight times more common than “loveless marriage.”)

Many of those searching for answers are women struggling to understand why their spouses aren’t reciprocating their desire for sex. We reached out to marriage therapists and sex experts to share the advice they give women stuck in sexually unsatisfying marriages. Read what they had to say below.

“Many women are the ones with a higher sex drive in their marriages but women commonly don’t discuss this dynamic openly with friends. Also, the media portrayal of relationships makes women think that males have a constant high level of sexual desire. On the contrary, many women struggle in sexless marriages. Outside of therapy, I’d say that finding a support system can be invaluable. There are forums online where women share their experiences, such as the Dead Bedrooms forum on Reddit.” — Samantha Rodman, psychologist and couples’ counselor 

“It may not be you, so stop beating yourself up. It is no indicator of how sexy you are as a woman if he is initiating or not. Many times men stop initiating sex because they are stressed or they are experiencing some kind of erectile dysfunction and they’re too afraid to tell you. Men define their sexuality by their ability to perform and if they cannot achieve an erection upon demand they may withdraw. Keep being affectionate and let him know there is no pressure to get to the ‘finish line.’ Let him know you still want to cuddle and be close and then if you still want a ‘happy ending,’ well, frankly, you can take care of it yourself. If he wants to participate, he might find himself more turned on than he thought himself capable. Don’t wait for him to take charge. It is OK as the woman to be the driving force of your sex life.” — Tammy Nelson, certified sexologist and sex therapist and the author of Getting the Sex You Want 

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16 Women On The One Thing They Appreciate Most From A Man In Bed

by Becca Martinin Sex, SEX TIPS

Your sex life might be good, but here’s how you’ll make it better for her.

Last night I was sitting at a bar with a friend getting drinks. I saw a hot guy across the bar drinking a Coors Banquet, eating chips and salsa, watching the game on TV. He looked completely uninterested in everything going on around him, as he sat there alone, never looking away from what was right in front of him.

“The man in the baseball hat across from us is so hot,” I said to my friend.

“Yeah, he really is. Just by the looks of him though, I bet he wouldn’t go down on a girl in bed, he’d just expect you to do all the work,” she said.

She probably wasn’t wrong, but we’ll never know if the man at the bar drinking a Coors Banquet could please a woman the way she wants to be pleased.

The conversation inspired me to ask 16 women from my life and the Internet what they appreciate most from a man in bed, here are their answers:

1.  “I appreciate a guy that tends to my needs first before he *expects* me to put his dick in my mouth. It shows he cares a little more for me than just the sex and that he also cares about making me feel good in bed.” – Jess, 24

2.  “When the guy actually wants me to orgasm and is turned on by it rather than just focusing on himself getting off. That is not enjoyable and it doesn’t make me want to continue to have sex with him when he’s only focused on himself.” – Lacey, 23

3.  “When you can openly say what you like and they actually listen to you, instead just assuming I like what they’re doing, especially when it’s in the moment. It makes the connection better and it’s way more fun for both of us.” – Sara, 28

4.  ‘“I appreciate when a man communicates in bed. Silent sex is boring and awkward. I want to know that your world is being rocked, what you want more or less of, how good it all feels or asking me to ride you harder or who my pussy belongs to. That’s the kind of stuff that turns me on and makes it WAY more enjoyable.” – Catrina, 27

5.  “Open, honest, raw and real communication about wants, needs and desires without judgement.” – Julia, 36

6.  “The warmth that radiates from their body.” – Macy, 26

7.  “His voice when he cherishes me.” – Emily, 30

romantic couple

8.  “I appreciate when a man acknowledges other parts of my body than just my tits and ass. I know he’s enjoying my ass when he’s grabbing it but it would be nice to be reminded that he also thinks I’m beautiful or that he likes my eyes. It makes me feel like less of a just a body for him to fuck and more like he appreciates me.” – Kaitlyn, 33

9.  “FOREPLAY! I get that he can go from 0 to 100 real quick, but like, I don’t. I appreciate when a man is gentle and slow, instead of just trying to do it quickly (unless that is what we’re going for). I want foreplay, it makes everything feel better and makes me so much more into the sex.” – Bella, 26

10.  “I appreciate when a man takes control. I am strong and independent as hell, but the bedroom is the one and only place I want to be dominated by a man. I want him to be rough, to a healthy extent, and take control. That is so hot to me and such a turn on.” – Nicole, 34

11.  “A man who makes sure I also cum! I’m sick of dudes cumming then just flopping down beside me all out of breath. Like that’s awesome he just got a load off, but he better not think he’s done without making sure I’m taken care of. Not how it works, buddy.” – Rachel, 23

12.  “I appreciate a man who is willing to try new things with me in bed. Routine is boring, even in the bedroom. Doing missionary then finishing doggy style gets old REAL quick. I want some excitement and I appreciate a man who is also into switching things up and experimenting in the bedroom.” – Cheryl, 41

13.  “His praise telling me he likes what I’m doing. I enjoy giving him head but only when he communicates to me that he likes what I’m doing. It makes me feel really good and I appreciate his words of affirmation.” – Kylie, 25

14.  “When a man is aggressive with me, but only after we’ve communicated what we’d like to do to each other and are on the same page. It allows me to feel more comfortable with him and myself in bed.” – Michaela, 29

15.  “A guy who takes things slow and makes me feel special, when he kisses down my neck, whispers in my ear, tells me that I’m beautiful. Those things all make me feel so appreciated and confirms that I’m not just someone he wants to fuck but actually cares about. Sometimes it’s so easy to feel worthless in bed and like I don’t matter so when he does little things like that it shows me he really cares.” – Brooke, 24

16.  “When he stays and cuddles after! There is no worse feeling than when a guy comes over, has sex with you and leaves. When he stays and I know he enjoys spending time with me after it makes me feel so loved and cared for.”  – Suzy, 23

May this information empower you to new and exciting adventures!

For more ways to please women, check out: Tongue-Tied During Sex? Here’s the Sexy Talk Women Want to Hear.

Will #MeToo Spur a Sex-Ed Revolution for American Youth?

by Ola Faletiin Sex, SEX TIPS

It’s not just about learning how to use condoms — and it never was.

When I think of my introduction to sex-ed, I think of weekday mornings in a stuffy seventh grade classroom, with diagrams of male and female reproductive anatomy.

Our teacher was a kind, dark-haired woman who entertained the questions our pubescent selves would anonymously drop in a box before each class. Things like “how much pubic hair is too much pubic hair” and “is it ok to be attracted to older men.”

I feel lucky to say that I actually learned a lot from these sessions. We covered the common and lesser known bodily anatomy (think vas deferens) while talking about our changing bodies.

One subject we absolutely did not discuss was consent. I don’t remember a unit on it, or even discussion of rape except maybe a token, brief no means no mention.

We didn’t have a unit on consent in my high school sex ed class, either. Both classes were over ten years ago.

Over the past five years, talk of sexual assault on college campuses has been covered in various news outlets. However,  2017 was the year when floodgates, seemingly, burst open. With each new account and each new accusation of men in power abusing it in the worst ways, more questions surfaced: what are we teaching our men and boys? What kind of society tolerates, even becomes accustomed to, so much sexual violence?

A patriarchal one. #MeToo is a glaring sign that a greater shift needed to happen. Not just hashtags, and protests, but fundamental education too. Sex-ed is a great place for that shift to happen.

Sex-ed in the United States remains contentious because for one, it doesn’t exist everywhere.

Eleven U.S. states don’t require any sex education in schools. The religious right is adamant in believing that any non abstinence-only education will lead to premarital sex. The U.S. education system is in shambles as is. So why even invest the resources in better sex-ed programs?

More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8. If anything, it’s more imperative that they learn the consent talk early.

I have clear memories of pre-school, being chased on a playground by a group of boys, with them catching me and attempting to pull down my skorts. This behavior isn’t uncommon. It isn’t even frowned upon. It’s saying “boys will be boys,” to the detriment of all genders.

Consent is not too complicated for toddlers to understand. They learn to share toys and space with others, why shouldn’t they learn the same with bodies?

Teaching anatomy only isn’t enough.

teaching children sex education

The young generation has unprecedented access to pornography and sexual media. In the information age, these kids are “informed” in many ways that previous generations were not. But pornography doesn’t teach consent. Most TV programs don’t teach consent either. And that’s a problem.

Sex education can only work if its teachings are being enforced by society at large. With an alleged rapist occupying the highest U.S. office, the recent near-election of an accused child rapist, and dozens, thousands, millions of victims whose voices go unheard, sex education in this country will need a stronger support than grassroots organizations.

On the other hand, can there even be a curriculum for teaching consent? While it’s easy to think of it as a black-and-white area, it’s not. Not when consent (or lack thereof) is non-verbal, and not when both parties or intoxicated, or not when one party regrets the sex in the moment but does not communicate that to their partner.

I wish my sex ed classes covered how to say no when you’ve changed your mind about sex, and how to communicate what you’re willing and not willing to do. At the very least, discussed it.

Those are good starting points for teaching young people about consent. My hope for this generation is that it will be the last to be silenced by sexual trauma. I believe a sex-ed revolution is on the rise, but it’s more of a question of whether or not a sex ed revolution is enough.

More like this, A New Way to Help Teens Foster Healthy Dating Habits and Relationships, A Consent Uprising and My Own Sexual Assault, or What You’re Getting Wrong About Sex Positivity

10 Ways to Cultivate Your Sexual Energy and Self-Worth Without Actually Having Sex

by Kate Oczypokin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex

Developing your sexual energy and self-worth without actually doing the deed can be quite the journey.

When asked to write about this subject, I at first found it daunting. Then I began to realize just how many times I felt sexually alive without actually having sex.

Here are 10 ways to cultivate your sexual energy and self-worth without actually having sex.

1. Buy yourself sexy lingerie.

Do a little online shopping or make like the ‘90s kid you were and head to your local mall. Find a gorgeous, lacy, risqué and utterly sexy bra and panties set and purchase it. By having something sexy on that’s just for yourself, you create a fun mystery that only you know about.

2. Experiment with masturbation.

If you’ve never masturbated, I encourage you to give it a try. It took awhile to figure out exactly what I liked. Once you do though, embrace it. Buy a vibrator if you think you’d enjoy one—Amazon sells a ton, believe it or not! By experimenting with what you like, you’ll be better able to direct your partner to do what makes you feel good.

3. Do something spontaneous.

There’s just something innately sexy about doing something spontaneous. If you’re with someone, grab a deck of cards and play strip poker, but stop before things get too intimate. If you’re single at the moment, book a flight to your closest beach for a long weekend with your best girlfriends. Being spontaneous feels so invigorating that one just naturally feels sexy doing something so spur-of-the-moment.

4. Explore how sex is more than just the physical deed.

Yes, sex is a physical act but it is so much more than that. There are deep emotional ties to having sex with someone, and there is also a mental act. Journaling about how you feel when you do have sex may be helpful to figuring out where you are physically, emotionally and psychologically. Sometimes extra stress from work can cause your sexual prowess to take a hit. Perhaps you’re super self-conscious about a part of your body. Writing about what’s bugging you when it comes to sex can ultimately help you get through your issues and come out with better self-worth overall. 

sexy lingerie

5. Educate yourself.

Read up on sex! If you’re trying to grow your sexual energy or realize just how worth it you are, read anything and everything you can when it comes to sex. Sometimes reading about sex can be funny too—one of my favorite evening pasttimes when I’m bored is perusing Urban Dictionary, looking at all the ridiculous names kids have for sex positions these days!

6. Watch a film or read an erotic romance novel.

Watch a sexy film to figure out what turns you on, or if you’re a reader, grab an erotic romance novel. If you haven’t read the 50 Shades of Grey series yet, you could always give it a try. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed the books–both laughing at them and fantasizing a bit as I read the sex scenes. Watching porn or reading romance novels are great ways to continue to explore your sexuality.

7. Take control next date night—without the sex.

Taking control of date night and what happens when it’s over is a great way to channel your sexual energy. If your significant other and you don’t live together, end the night at the goodnight kiss, leaving him or her wanting more. If you are living in the same place, have a super steamy makeout session. If you end that session before sex, you can claim your sexual self-worth—it will serve as a great reminder to your partner that you are indeed worth waiting for.

8. Take a pole-dancing class.

I know it seems cliché, but pole dancing classes have popped up all over the country. Release your inner stripper and sign up for a class near you. If you’re shy and a bit self-conscious, pole dancing is a great way to overcome that. Take a few of your friends and get ready for some serious fun.

pole dancing class

9. Take up yoga.

Yoga ultimately makes you more flexible, which would therefore make for better sex, right? The easier you can move, the easier sex will be. There’s no need to take things to contortionist levels, but the earlier you start a practice like yoga, the easier sex will be as you age into your 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond.

10. Practice self-care.

One of the easiest ways you’ll be able to make sure your sexual energy and self-worth are at the utmost level is to practice self-care. Sex usually makes you feel good. Why not do what else makes you feel good, like getting a blowout at your local salon or reading a good book outdoors on a gorgeous day? By assuring your happiness and mental health, your sexual health should thrive as well.

Want to read more on sex? Check out this piece about natural or holistic ways to increase your libido.