If science can help determine how the universe was created, surely it can also help you have mind-blowing sex! If you’re looking for ways to spice it up in the bedroom, these scientifically proven methods will do the trick. Now this is research we’ll gladly conduct!
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Sex education isn’t usually a high priority in most schools. Some barely teach it, and the ones that do often have to tiptoe around certain subjects to appease prudish parents who would prefer their children remain oblivious. A new book, Too Hot To Handle: A Global History Of Sex Education `by Jonathan Zimmerman reveals the historical struggle to teach sexual education in schools around the world and the accompanying opposition. A recent study found that less than 46 percent of males and 33 percent of females receive formal instruction on contraception methods before their first time having sex. This makes sense, since, according to Zimmerman, what kids do learn (at least in America) is “a smattering of information about their reproductive organs and a set of stern warnings about putting them to use.”
So what would the ideal sex education class look like? It of course depends who you’re talking to, but in my opinion, the most important things are those things that they’re usually not teaching — the social and psychological sides to sex, the truth about STDs, and a full spectrum of LGBTQ issues. Granted, I’m not a licensed sexologist, but from my own experiences with life and sex in the decade since high school, these are six things I think they should definitely be teaching in high school sex ed.
Oxytocin (also called the “love hormone”) is one neurochemical released in your brain during sex, intimate physical contact, and a whole host of other activities. A lot of pop science articles suggest that oxytocin is what causes women to become more attached than men are to women after sex. If you look carefully into these claims, you’ll find that the studies they cite are often promoted by conservative and/or religious organizationswith very particular agendas, or are merely based on half-truths or dubious inferences. There is a lot more at work socially, psychologically, and physically when you have sex than just oxytocin, so girls shouldn’t be taught that sex with some guy is going to make her fall in love while he remains cool and collected.
If kids learned that they could still get STD’s even if they did practice safe sex, it might make them abstinent for life, so it kinda makes sense that sex positive sex ed wouldn’t want to share the real truth about HPV or herpes. However, it’s important to know that both of these viruses can be transmitted through skin to skin contact, even if there’s a condom between you. The good news is that (at least for guys) there’s this weird latex contraption for ultra safe coverage! Seriously though, all sex is like Russian roulette in a way, but that shouldn’t keep you from engaging in it safely.
This is another bummer lesson that girls should learn. Even if you and your partner have been tested, you’re still not home free during that time of the month. Depending on your individual cycle, you can still get pregnant during your period, particularly if you have irregular ovulation. So proceed with caution, kids.
Why is this still a thing? Penetrative sex with a human penis does not define a “deflowering” — which is also a horrible, sexist term. (What do you become after you lose your “flower” anyways — a dead husk of a plant or a pile of mulch?) Virginity is not defined by a flap of skin, it’s individual from person to person, and losing it definitely does not require a penis.
Along with all the misinformation about oxytocin is this idea that casual sex is designed for men and disastrous for women. From my experience, many a dude’s heart has been torn asunder from the slings and arrows of casual sex, too. As a recent NYU study suggested, casual sex affects each individual based on their own socialized views of casual sex — not on their gender.
Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t. A lot of times it just happens, and that was that. Your first time defines you only if you want it to. Despite what most religions on earth will tell you, your virginity status does not make you better or worse than anybody else. And when it comes to women, losing your virginity does not make you a “slut” or less-worthy of respect.
I get the assumption that if you tell teens that sex is supposed to be an awesome party they’ll somehow all have unplanned pregnancies or incurable STD’s, but, there is still too much fear and danger piled onto discussions of human sexuality. Sex ed can still provide all the scientific facts about human reproduction and the possible social and psychological ramifications of sex with a positive spin on it all. Living in fear of sexual intimacy is about the worst thing you can teach someone. The jury is out on how the 21st century will fare in the sex ed department — I hope it’s better than the last thousand years.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article
We’ve all, at some point, gone through a rough patch in our sex lives.
You may have confessed your struggles to your girlfriends over brunch (à la “Sex and the City”), or you may have kept this to yourself. Even if you were brave enough to ask your friends for advice, they are not licensed professionals in this area.
I sat down with Dr. Teesha Morgan, Vancouver-based Sex Therapist and Couples Counselor, armed with questions from the busy women that I connect with throughSecondhand Therapy. I was determined to nab some insights that would help everybody out.
What is the most common issue in sex therapy for couples that are in long-term relationships?
Dr. Teesha revealed that the number one struggle for couples who come to her with intimacy issues is that one person has a higher libido that the other. Couples come to her wanting to know that there is hope down the road for resolving this.
At the beginning of the relationship, Dr. Teesha explains, there is a honeymoon stage. It can feel devastating to couples when they have moved past this initial stage, but Dr. Teesha helps them to see that there are many other stages of intimacy that they will go through within their relationship. Some couples require a professional to help guide them through the next stages of physical intimacy.
How do you start to address differences in sex drive?
“Intimacy is a broad spectrum,” Dr. Teesha stated. This spectrum extends both inside and outside of the bedroom.
Having goals and expectations for ourselves in the bedroom can set us up for failure. Approaching physical intimacy with the mindset of, “What can we create today?” has been liberating for many couples that she works with.
She also explains that women tend to need foreplay before they start to feel desire or drive. Masters & Johnson created the linear framework of the Sexual Response Cycle, but it was a model based mainly on the male sex drive. It turns out that for most women, desire/drive comes AFTER foreplay (based on research by Rosemary Basson). This means that most women need our partner to initiate foreplay in order for the desire to have sex kicks in. It is therefore crucial to communicate with our partners what we consider foreplay.
If couples are really struggling to re-connect, she will walk them through a series ofsensate focus exercises, which encourage couples to focus on various sensations. These exercises progress through G-rated to the R-rated sense-based experiences. Couples pause to re-evaluate their feelings and reactions at each stage.
How do you get past seeing sex as one more obligation that you have to fulfill?
Dr. Teesha tackled this question from a few different angles.
First, she referred to Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, and explained that if our “love tank” is empty, sex can start to feel like an obligation. This requires that our partner understands our primary love language: acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, physical affection or quality time.
Second, women tend to “view sex as something that they are doing for someone else.” If we are able to shift our mindset to view sex (or physical intimacy) as something pleasurable we are doing for ourselves, this can shift the power dynamic for couples. Sex becomes less about the giving and more about experiencing pleasure for ourselves.
Why are vibrators for women and porn for men such a big deal for so many straight, monogamous couples?
There can be a lot of shame attached, according to Dr. Teesha, especially stemming from family, culture and religion. Once we work past the shame, there are some considerations about the impact on the relationship.
Dr. Teesha encourages couples to consider if they are using it as a substitute. If so, why and what is the intention? Has this become a problem in the relationship?
If there is a major dissonance between what we are using to get turned on in private and what is happening in the bedroom, there is opportunity for a wedge to be created within the relationship.
Is there one major indicator that determines if a couple will make it?
I wasn’t sure if Dr. Teesha would point to a sex-related indicator, but I figured she would have a lot of insight after working with so many couples.
It turns out that she would want to see the couple fight. She explains, it’s not if we are fighting, it’s how we fight that determines the success of the relationship.
She refers to the book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Nan Silver, and their concept of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. Gottman and Silver teach that if an argument is escalated using one of the four horseman (criticism, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling), this can introduce a toxicity to a relationship that will make it difficult for it to survive long-term.
What if we have tried everything and are still struggling?
Some couples get caught in a cycle and need professional intervention to move past an issue. A licensed professional can help to mediate and also help to determine if this is something to be worked through individually or as a couple. According to Dr. Teesha, 25% of the couples that come in to see her, a red flag comes up during their initial interview and she ends of doing a series of one-on-one sessions with an individual.
A sex therapist has specific and tangible tools to deal with certain things that a regular family counsellor would not necessarily have. For example, most family therapists would not be trained in specific techniques to deal with something like premature ejaculation.
A call to action!
If any of this information has challenged your perspective or assumptions, make sure you discuss this with your significant other. If you are having trouble communicating, consider working with a licensed professional to help you navigate these delicate conversations.
Curated by Erbe
Positions that feel great and ease back pain? Let’s go!
When it comes to sex, positioning is key — and the more sex positions you have in your arsenal, the better.
Of course, your sexual positions have to ensure that your girl enjoys herself, so comfort is key, especially if she suffers from regular back pain. Besides, who wants to get a cramp or feel like their kneecap’s breaking all in the name of an orgasm?
A recent study (the first of its kind) carried out at Waterloo University focused on how the spine moves during sex and tried to find the best positions that will please your partner and ease her back pain.
Basically, if your lady experiences pain after sitting for a long time, she’s flexion-intolerant, and side-by-side or doggy-style are the way to go. If, on the other hand, she feels pain when she arches her back or is down on her stomach, she’s extension-intolerant, and missionary is what you’ll want to play around with.
That said, it’s time to check out five awesome sex positions that encourage slow rhythm and a highly penetrative tempo!
This is a female superior position AKA the kind of position most guys like best.
Get into it: Whether it’s a coffee table or a lounge chair, find a place where you can lie down and let your legs hang off the edge, while your girl gets to place her legs on either side, and stand on her feet to maneuver on top of you. Place your hands on her hips while she moves up and down, side to side, or even in a figure-eight swivel.
This is a male superior position that you’re guaranteed to enjoy immensely.
Get into it: While you kneel, rest your woman’s heels against your shoulders. This position allows you to enjoy different levels of penetration. For an added bonus, place a pillow under her butt and give her an orgasm that’ll make her knees weak. Luckily, she’s lying down.
Continue to the Bamboo Split, the Puppet Master and, of course, the Lock and Pose…
Every woman is beautiful and unique!
Warning: As the title suggests, this post is full of vaginal renderings. If you do not want to see a wall of labia, do not continue reading. We repeat, do not continue reading.
UK-based sculptor Jamie McCartney has spent the better half of a decade creating hundreds of renderings of female genitalia. In a project titled “The Great Wall of Vagina,” the artist demonstrates not only his ability to craft effective word play, but also his knack for capturing the physical diversity of labia in a 30-foot polyptych.
McCartney recruited around 400 women for the series of 10 panels, casting the vulvae of women aged 18 to 76. During the five-year process, he encountered identical twins, transgender individuals, pre- and postnatal women and pre- and post-labiaplasty patients, all of whom were willing to submit their genitalia to plaster in the name of art.
“This is about grabbing the attention, using humour and spectacle, and then educating people about what normal women really look like,” “The Great Wall of Vagina” site states. There McCartney makes sure to point out that the work of sculpture is not erotic art, nor is it pornography — it’s actually closer to “the Vagina Monologues of sculpture.”
“For many women their genital appearance is a source of anxiety,” McCartney adds on the site, “and I was in a unique position to do something about that.”
As with any vagina-centric artwork, online responses to the sculptural feat have ranged from creepy to insightful over the years. The Frisk went as far as to call the wall the eighth wonder of the world.
View photos of the artistic process on the next page…
I adore the ritual of masturbating. I live for every single sultry part of it. I get ecstatic when I feel the first tingle of arousal in my underpants, which typically appears while I’m watching a smooching scene in a movie and/or thinking about a man I’m crushing on hard and/or literally out of nowhere for no reason while I am at work in the middle of an important meeting. Do conversations about fiscal periods turn me on? Only my libido knows.
One of my most beloved thoughts to get lost in is the thought of beautiful vibrators, and in particular my beautiful vibrators. Yes, I have plural and I am proud of it. I love stimulants that aid my hormones in achieving their goal. I revel in finding sexy videos on the internet that excites my clit without offending my brain (trickier than it sounds) and/or digging deep in my imagination for the face/sweat/penis/butt/knees/hip bones of a dude I’m into and/or staring into a mirror and satisfying my hot self to my hot self.
And then of course I am a fan of the actual act. Searching for the right buttons. Figuring out what I want that day, that hour, that minute. Building the orgasm within me. Climaxing and feeling my whole body uncontrollably contract and twitch and release. It’s a transcendent experience that I attempt to repeat as often as I can, specifically in the mornings, and in the afternoons, and in the evenings… okay, I do it a lot and have since I was 13-years-old.
Something I haven’t ever done in the masturbation department though is get my own bod off while surrounded by important ladies doing the same to their bods. I hear dudes talking about circle jerks constantly but it’s rare for women to share tales of collective genital bliss. And why is that, I ask you? I mean, females often gather in groups to chat about life and drink wine and make plans to dominate the world. I wonder then how my ladies nights have never morphed into an epic, gorgeous, highly empowering jilling off session. Is there something I’m doing wrong? Do I need to provide MORE chips and dip? Is chocolate the answer? Should I start offering oysters and dildos with dinner? What is the SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM?
I suppose it’s not really a problem but I honestly believe that if a group of ten women, all orgasmic simultaneously in a circle as if we were a coven of pleasure seekers it could better society. We could eliminate the wage gap with one unified moan. Our voices would ripple through the globe like a tidal wave of squirting. The 4th wave of feminism would rise and if it’s that time of the month the wave would be crimson! The energy we would release would be magnetic and contagious and legislation changing. Abortion access would suddenly exist for all! Maternity leave wouldn’t affect career growth! Slut shaming would be a thing of the past! Hillary Clinton would instantly be elected president and all men would make her a sandwich!
…. okay, I might be exaggerating a tad bit here. But, you cannot deny that the image of a dozen vibrators doing god’s (Gloria Steinem’s) work is rather powerful and hella inspiring and majorly instagram-worthy. I have become much more sex positive over the last two years and with that has come a growth in confidence, a decrease in body shame, and an understanding of how to expertly “walk my poodle” (yes, I refer to my vagina as my poodle). So why not take this sex positive attitude a step further? I say, let’s get real positive and bask in the glow that is women’s recently orgasmic faces. I’m interested in experimentation and my favorite hobby is being in and/or around crowds of labia lips. So why not combine the two?!
Plus, it would be so relaxing and non-threatening and FUN! We could do yoga afterwards and get brunch and check out a dog park. I would have to 100% make a day of it. if I’m going to gather my best friends together so we can all masturbate as a unit you better believe we’re going vintage shopping post-climax and eating gelato. We’ll be in top notch moods and totally at ease and ready to get real about our emotions in regards to women being censored on Facebook (which is one of my number one topics to get real about).
Also, we can give each other tips! If a lady is having a hard time locating that spot, another lady can saunter over and give her a helping finger. This could dip into a mutual masturbation zone and if it did I would be beyond thrilled. It’s killing two birds with one ejaculation! Or if one woman’s vibrator isn’t doing the trick, she could switch with another woman who wants to try something new. Like a game of musical chairs! And you know how sometimes it’s difficult to see what’s going on down there? When you’re attempting to pleasure yourself and it begins to feel like parallel parking? Sometimes you just need someone to say “an inch to the right, one centimeter up, and turn it at a 180 degree angle” in order to pinpoint that clit and that’s OKAY!
And another thing, I went to a nudist retreat once and what I loved most about it was seeing how unique each woman’s body is, specifically their crotch areas! It was a breathtaking sight that I would definitely like to repeat. Although I am straight, I have an obsession with the female anatomy and, like the process of masturbation every single part of it fascinates me, especially the sexy parts. If I could orgasm while several other vulvas are in my periphery, I could die happy. I want nothing more than to be satisfied as I hear other women being satisfied, metaphorically and non-metaphorically. That would be my ultimate wet dream.
My sister and I were brought up up almost entirely by my Mom, until we were pre-teens. My Mom was a lovely affectionate woman, but she was so perfect that neither of us felt that we could talk to her about things that bothered us.
Sex did not exist in our household. We sometimes wondered how we came to be!
My Dad was a career Naval Officer, he was a vet who had enlisted at 16, and was rarely home, even in peacetime. He left the Navy after 25 years service, and my parents promptly discovered that they couldn’t live together. My sister and I were sent off to a private (all-girl) Boarding school, and my Dad shipped out to a contract overseas.
I had been a real Daddy’s girl, and was devastated by what I felt was his abandonment. I had grown up without brothers, but I identified strongly with my Dad and had been a tomboy, so most of my friends were boys. My Dad had told me that there wasn’t anything a boy could do that I couldn’t, except pee standing up, and I even tried to do that!
Our Boarding School was quite religious and was very rigid, sex-ed class was very clinical, just about Biology, nothing about sexuality. We were not allowed out alone, and our only visitors were our parents. The only boys we saw were at church, or at choir practice, so when I started to think about boys, I felt as though it was a “bad’ thing to do. Any good feelings I had from boys, when I could get near any of the choir boys, were repressed.
My sister, who was 2 years older, did not have boy-friends. I thought it was weird to like boys, only the sluts at school were into boys. As I grew up in this atmosphere, boys became a totally unknown quantity. I forgot how easy it had been before around my Dad, and became shy and somewhat afraid of them.
After six years in this stifling atmosphere I graduated at 17, and went back to live with my mother and sister. I went to College, and also worked part-time for my Mom. She was the manager and book-keeper of a private club, and I went to work as the DJ. Because I was underage I couldn’t drink, or interact with anyone so I just spun the records and I started to re-discover my ease with the opposite sex.
At the club, as a really naive 17 year old, I was at first unaware of the waiters flirting with me, until one called me a “Baby” and dared me to go to a movie with him. He was about 24, and quite cute (he was Spanish, with beautiful brown eyes and a shy smile, and just the right kind of charm). I picked up the challenge, and met him on a day off. He was waiting for me with a long-stemmed red rose, I was smitten.
The date went great until he asked me back to his place, which was a one-room apartment. The only place to sit was on the bed, and after a couple of glasses of “Orange juice” (spiked with vodka)I was dizzy, and curious, and we were making out. Without going into detail, let’s just say that the inevitable happened, and I ended up a pregnant teenager.
Lack of knowledge, lack of street-smarts, call it whatever you like. I call it lack of preparedness for the real world, caused me great emotional and physical harm. I was almost schizoid about it, planning to go to Canada, and throw myself on my Dad’s mercy. I couldn’t tell Mom, I thought she would disown me! Outwardly nothing changed, I continued to go to College as though nothing was going on.
One Friday afternoon in class, I started to miscarry. My friend Gina told me that I was going very pale then flushing, and looked like I was going to pass out. At 12 weeks, I went into a type of labor and miscarried, alone, in a toilet.
I travelled home on the underground, wearing a ton of pads, and, after making excuses to my family, had a long hot bath and went to bed. I didn’t go to a doctor, I didn’t even know that I should. I was so ashamed of myself that I told no-one. The next day, being a strong healthy 17 year old I went out with Gina, and vowed to forget all about it.
I grew up too fast after that. I became one of the “bad” girls, got on the pill, and for a few years became the kind of girl my old self abhorred.
When my sister became pregnant., I was 21, and moved out. I could not stand to be around as my Mom became the perfect understanding grandmother-to-be, and took care of my sister.
When I eventually did tell her, my mother was horrified that I had not told her at the time, and that I had never had proper medical care. She told me she would have taken care of me, after she had dragged the Spanish waiter off to the cops! She had often wondered why he kept asking her about me.
I was lucky, I had no lasting physical damage and though I had the kind of problems that most girls with absent fathers have, attracted to older men, and continuing to have relationship problems through my 20’s. I did marry in my 30’s and had two wonderful children, who know all about me, and have always been able to ask me ANYTHING!
One thing I discovered was that it is rarely “bad” girls who land up with unintentional pregnancies, they are far too savvy for that. It is the innocent and naive who become victims of sexual predators. Knowledge is armor, without it young girls are essentially defenseless.
If you plan on becoming a parent please remember that it is your duty to equip your children for life, knowledge about sex and sexuality is as essential for survival, as a good education, good food, and a warm safe home.
An intensive program showing female college students how to recognize and resist sexual aggression reduced their chances of being raped over a year period by nearly half, according to new research.
The study, published Wednesday in the New England Journal of Medicine, compared the effects of attending a four-session course in resisting sexual assault to a more typical university approach of providing brochures on sexual assault.
The program is one of the first to demonstrate success in a controlled trial — and among the first to be published by the medical journal, best-known as a forum for clinical drug trials.
The study comes just weeks before colleges and universities across the country are required to detail how they will deal with sexual assault. Those reports, due to the U.S. Department of Education on July 1, are mandated by the 2013 Campus Sexual Violence Elimination Act.
At least 1 in 5 women has been a victim of sexual assault that occurred while she was attending college. By far, most of the attempted or completed sexual assaults on college campuses are perpetrated by classmates, dates or acquaintances of the victim.
Freshman and sophomore women are thought to be at the greatest risk of sexual assault.
Experts say the ubiquity of alcohol, freedom from parental monitoring, and an atmosphere that celebrates macho and athletic bravado are all factors that foster sexual assaults.
Canadian psychologist Charlene Y. Senn, lead author of the study, said that the socialization of young women often prevents many would-be victims from acknowledging and responding to a sexual predator in ways that will thwart an assault.
Young women arriving at college have widely been socialized to be friendly and likable, which can blind them to the aggressive advances they might encounter at a party, she added.
In 2005, Senn devised a curriculum to help young women overcome the emotional barriers that delay or prevent their recognition of sexual aggression and respond to it.
Over four three-hour sessions, the course worked on skills to assess, acknowledge and, if necessary, rebuff unwanted sexual advances.
Those sessions included instruction in recognizing sexual coercion and the circumstances in which it can take place. Participants also had two hours of self-defense training based on the martial art Wen-Do.
Experts caution that reducing sexual violence by focusing on a victim’s will or ability to resist has fallen out of favor in recent years.
In their place are programs that address the motives of potential perpetrators and energize bystanders to intervene. Such approaches place the blame for sexual assault squarely on the perpetrator.
By focusing on a potential victim’s power to thwart her attackers, some experts warned that such a program might contribute to blaming victims.
In an editorial accompanying the study, Kathleen C. Basile, an epidemiologist with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, wrote that the study’s “primary weakness is that it places the onus for prevention on potential victims, possibly obscuring the responsibility of perpetrators and others.”
But teaching women how to identify and resist are still important strategies, Senn says.
Between September 2011 and February 2013, 893 freshman women at the Universities of Calgary, Windsor and Guelph in Canada took part in the study.
Holding three-hour sessions on weeknights and marathon sessions on weekends, Senn and her coauthors put 451 women through a series of lectures, problem-solving exercises, discussions and self-defense classes aimed at helping them define their own sexual desires and boundaries, recognize and discourage sexual aggression and resist an assault.
The remaining 442 women were assigned to a control group, in which they attended a 15-minute session and were provided brochures on sexual assault.
About a year after the sessions ended, Senn and her colleagues surveyed the participants, asking detailed questions about their sexual contacts in the preceding year.
Among women offered the brochures on sexual assault, 9.8% reported they had been raped and 9.3% reported they had been the intended victims of attempted rapes.
Some 40% reported other nonconsensual sexual contact, in which they experienced unwanted sexual touching or fondling.
An additional 14% said they had been subject to coercive sex in which a perpetrator pressured or manipulated them into compliance.
Among women who got the resistance training, 5.2% said they had been raped and 3.4% reported attempted rapes — reductions of 46.3% and 63.2% respectively.
Rates of nonconsensual sexual contact reported by this group were 34% lower than those in the control group, and reports of sexual coercion were roughly 24% less common.
Sarah Yang, a 2014 graduate of UC Davis who was president of that campus’ Women’s Health Initiative, said publication of the study in a medical journal boosts the profile of the issue.
“It validates campus sexual assault as a public health issue — and that’s huge,” said Yang, an aspiring physician. “It’s national now. It’s international.”
Senn emphasized that training only women to avert sexual assailants addresses just part of the solution.
“There’s no quick fixes,” she said. “We have to make stopping sexual violence everyone’s problem — everyone’s business — to hold men accountable, to support victims. But we also need to give women the tools they need to fight back.”
Curated by Timothy
Original Article
Great tips and a fun quiz!
Feel like you’re playing orgasm Russian roulette every time you get busy? Yeah, you’re not alone. Those sneaky O’s can come easily on some days, take sooo freaking long on others, and just not show up at all when they feel like it. So what the hell is up with that?
One of the biggest reasons why women aren’t climaxing every single time is because they don’t realize they need clitoral stimulation before and even during sex to reach an orgasm, says Mary Jane Minkin, ob-gyn, M.D., clinical professor at the Yale School of Medicine.
We scoped out other factors that are blocking your big O on the regular to help your assess your risk, switch up your sex game plan, and reach sweet, sweet victory.
Read through the risk factors below, and tally up how many you frequently deal with. Then, see what your no-orgasm risk is.
1. You don’t spend enough time with foreplay. If you think that penetration and G-spot action are all it takes to get to the finish line, you’re sadly mistaken, says Minkin. Since the clitoris has more nerve endings than the vagina, stimulation there is more likely to result in an O, she says. Here’s how to prolong your foreplay and have the best sex ever.
2. You’re not speaking up when something feels off. Many women aren’t vocal about what feels good to them, says Minkin. And if he’s not doing it for you, you’re not going to reach the end zone—or it could take forever, she says. Find out how you can tell him what gives you the goose bumps.
3. You’re not wearing socks during sexy time. Seriously, getting cold feet might be keeping you from feeling warm and fuzzy all over, according to a Dutch study. Apparently, only 50 percent of women were able to have an orgasm at the beginning of the trials, but when the women wore socks, 80 percent had an orgasm.
4. You don’t pee before sex. “If a woman is thinking about how she might have to go to the bathroom, she’s more focused on controlling that function than enjoying the sensation,” says Minkin. “It’s a distraction.” So go pee before the action heats up.
5. You’re not in a relationship. Sadly, an exciting one-night stand doesn’t always end in the fireworks you imagined when you first made eye contact with that random hot guy. Research shows that you’re less likely to orgasm when hooking up with someone you’ve just met than when you’re with someone you’re dating. Womp. But giving one of these positions a shot might up your chances.
6. You worry about having an orgasm during sex. When you’re anxious about not having an orgasm fast enough—or anything else going on in your life—it can make reaching orgasm more challenging, says Minkin. But don’t let a little thing like stress keep you from getting busy.
7. You’re not masturbating. “If you know how you like to be aroused, you can guide your partner when you’re having sex,” says Minkin. Learnhow to make getting busy with yourself so much better.
8. You’re not using sex toys. “I always encourage people to use toys together because it can make foreplay more fun and make it more likely that you’ll orgasm,” says Minkin. Check out these crazy, sexy, cool gadgets for couples.
9. You usually have sex after several cocktails. “Having one glass of wine or cocktail to relax is fine,” says Minkin, “but if you have two or three, it starts to dull your senses and makes it harder for you to really feel the stimulation.”
Three or fewer issues: Orgasm over-acheiver
You know how to go from zero to a mind-blowing O in no time, and you should be proud of that! Keep up the crazy-good habits; you’ve got this under control, girl.
Four to seven issues: C O-face student
So maybe you’re not hitting the high notes every. Single. Time. But you could get there with just a few simple tweaks to your routine—now that you know where to start. Once you’ve got those down, you’ll be on your way to O-town on a more regular basis. Enjoy the ride. Wink.
Seven to nine issues: Bliss beginner
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Okay, so maybe your lack of orgasms isn’t quite that serious, but bliss is still important, right? Use the helpful hints above to knock out the random things that could be ruining your roll in the hay. May the odds be ever in your favor.
When I think of my introduction to sex-ed, I think of weekday mornings in a stuffy seventh grade classroom, with diagrams of male and female reproductive anatomy.
Our teacher was a kind, dark-haired woman who entertained the questions our pubescent selves would anonymously drop in a box before each class. Things like “how much pubic hair is too much pubic hair” and “is it ok to be attracted to older men.”
I feel lucky to say that I actually learned a lot from these sessions. We covered the common and lesser known bodily anatomy (think vas deferens) while talking about our changing bodies.
One subject we absolutely did not discuss was consent. I don’t remember a unit on it, or even discussion of rape except maybe a token, brief no means no mention.
We didn’t have a unit on consent in my high school sex ed class, either. Both classes were over ten years ago.
Over the past five years, talk of sexual assault on college campuses has been covered in various news outlets. However, 2017 was the year when floodgates, seemingly, burst open. With each new account and each new accusation of men in power abusing it in the worst ways, more questions surfaced: what are we teaching our men and boys? What kind of society tolerates, even becomes accustomed to, so much sexual violence?
A patriarchal one. #MeToo is a glaring sign that a greater shift needed to happen. Not just hashtags, and protests, but fundamental education too. Sex-ed is a great place for that shift to happen.
Eleven U.S. states don’t require any sex education in schools. The religious right is adamant in believing that any non abstinence-only education will lead to premarital sex. The U.S. education system is in shambles as is. So why even invest the resources in better sex-ed programs?
More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8. If anything, it’s more imperative that they learn the consent talk early.
I have clear memories of pre-school, being chased on a playground by a group of boys, with them catching me and attempting to pull down my skorts. This behavior isn’t uncommon. It isn’t even frowned upon. It’s saying “boys will be boys,” to the detriment of all genders.
Consent is not too complicated for toddlers to understand. They learn to share toys and space with others, why shouldn’t they learn the same with bodies?
The young generation has unprecedented access to pornography and sexual media. In the information age, these kids are “informed” in many ways that previous generations were not. But pornography doesn’t teach consent. Most TV programs don’t teach consent either. And that’s a problem.
Sex education can only work if its teachings are being enforced by society at large. With an alleged rapist occupying the highest U.S. office, the recent near-election of an accused child rapist, and dozens, thousands, millions of victims whose voices go unheard, sex education in this country will need a stronger support than grassroots organizations.
On the other hand, can there even be a curriculum for teaching consent? While it’s easy to think of it as a black-and-white area, it’s not. Not when consent (or lack thereof) is non-verbal, and not when both parties or intoxicated, or not when one party regrets the sex in the moment but does not communicate that to their partner.
I wish my sex ed classes covered how to say no when you’ve changed your mind about sex, and how to communicate what you’re willing and not willing to do. At the very least, discussed it.
Those are good starting points for teaching young people about consent. My hope for this generation is that it will be the last to be silenced by sexual trauma. I believe a sex-ed revolution is on the rise, but it’s more of a question of whether or not a sex ed revolution is enough.
More like this, A New Way to Help Teens Foster Healthy Dating Habits and Relationships, A Consent Uprising and My Own Sexual Assault, or What You’re Getting Wrong About Sex Positivity
