friends Archives

The Happiest Moment of My Life (So Far) Was With Those I’ll Love Forever

March 2, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

No, it’s not what you think. The happiest moment of my life so far was a day I felt unequivocally carefree with friends I love.

The happiest moment of my life so far wasn’t the day my boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend. Sure, that was a very happy time, but the one I’m about to tell you about was a different kind of love.

It wasn’t the day we got my dog Moe either. That too was a wonderful moment I’ll always remember. This day happened on vacation in Europe with my two best friends when I was in my mid-20s.

Here is a snippet of a time in my life I felt truly, utterly happy.

Many would probably expect me to answer this question as the day I met my boyfriend, or the day I got my dog, or perhaps something involving my family. Sure, those days are all joyful ones in my life of course, but there’s one moment in one day that I remember feeling truly and incredibly happy. I’ve always considered myself a happy person but this particular moment stood out for me for the past six years as my happiest.

It was the summer I turned 26 and I was on my first trip across the world, to Munich, Germany, Brussels, Belgium and Paris, France. A self-described hopeless romantic, I was so excited to be in Paris. I was on this trip of a lifetime with my two best friends, both males.

The three of us had become a The Hangover-like trio, even nicknaming ourselves after characters in the movie. We were constantly on all kinds of adventures. I felt safe and secure with the two, and had been in love with both of them (and very briefly dated one) at some point over the eight years previous. I was dating another man at the time and was eager to get away for a bit as I wasn’t sure exactly if I was all that excited about him (we ended up breaking up later that fall).

We gallivanted all around Paris for three glorious days. It was the time before ISIS threatened in the shadows and we could safely walk the streets without any worry. I remember seeing Versailles, Notre Dame and the Moulin Rouge. One evening, the three of us were sitting outside one of the quintessential Parisian cafés, sipping beers while taking a break from sightseeing. We were laughing hysterically at excerpts from my diary, which I had brought along to chronicle my European travels.

After some loud stomach rumbling, we all agreed it was time to find somewhere to eat dinner. We stumbled upon a small and cozy-looking restaurant tucked into a corner of Paris, near the Sainte-Chapelle. From the outside, there’s nothing all that special about L’Auberge Café. Its brown and beige exterior is elegant but not too fancy.

Either way, we were excited about finally getting some food and the menu posted outside looked good. When we sat down, we took in the rustic atmosphere at the quiet restaurant. It was intimate and homey, a completely perfect surprise to us.

The dinner we had that night was for lack of a better term, incredible. There wasn’t anything too fancy about it either but it hands down was one of the most delicious meals I’ve ever had in my almost 33 years.

I had a beef tenderloin, potatoes, peas and onions in a dark, savory sauce. My one friend dined on duck, a signature entrée of the restaurant and the other chose a fish fillet. We sampled fresh prawns, spicy gazpacho and an absolutely to die for molten chocolate dome dessert with the most decadent of melted French dark chocolate inside. With a bottle of the house wine, we made sure to make it a truly incredible night.

I know what you’re thinking—this doesn’t seem like it deserves the title “happiest moment of your life.” The funny thing is, despite how brief that dinner was in the hindsight of things, while I was sitting there I felt truly completely happy. It was a moment of my life I will remember forever. It was young enough not to have to worry too much about the future but old enough to truly appreciate that moment in time.

Now, whenever I am feeling anxious or just need to take a moment to close my eyes and relax, I always recall that dinner with my two best friends in one of my favorite cities in the world—remembering what it feels like to be completely, unapologetically happy.

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What Should You Do If Your Friends Have Dropped Off the Face of the Earth and You’re Worried?

March 16, 2018January 22, 2024 by Clementine Francesin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes your friend doesn’t text you, or says no to all your invites and you decide to stop trying. But, I assure you, your depressed friend who dropped off the face of the earth is not always terrible.

Reach out to them.

Love is a verb. Maintaining relationships can be a challenge because we’re taught to think, “what’s in it for me?” but sometimes kindness for kindness sake even when it doesn’t make sense to others is good enough. Here are some ways you can reach out and help them out.

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1. Help Them Clean Their Room

Sometimes your depressed friend finds leaving the house taxing. They may call it being introverted, they may call it anxiety, they may call it exhausting. If you’re friend denies your request to meet them go to them. Meet them where they are.

If they’re like me, they don’t want anyone to come over because their place is an absolute mess. If they use that as an excuse offer to help clean their place. You can spend the whole day together, talking, but also help them deal with the overwhelming weight of dread they have about the mess, and listen to music, and eat.

Hanging out is not just about where you go, but about being together with someone you care about.

2. Check in on them during tragic incidents

Sadly, there are so many tragic incidents in the world, that Facebook asks people to check in if they are safe. If you’re friend has dropped off the face of the earth, you might not be the only person they are isolated from.

So, if something happens, ask them if they are alright. Believe me, they will feel grateful that someone somewhere remembers they exist, because I’m sure they probably feel forgotten.

3. Ask them what they want to do

If you find yourself telling a depressed friend what you should do, where you should go, try asking them what they want to do.

Having the choice might make them feel more inclined to go. They probably won’t bail because it’s something that they put into motion. Sometimes people say no, because it makes them feel out of control. Let them have the power every once in awhile and they’ll have to keep their word.

4. Invite them over for the holidays

Some of your friends may not enjoy hanging with their family on the holidays, or they may live too far from/can’t afford to/didn’t book the flight soon enough to visit family. So, please, please, if you’re having a big holiday get together, invite your friends. Don’t assume that they have plans. Maybe they won’t ask to join because they don’t want to be a burden or impose themselves, so ask them.

Even if they say no, most people will notice the effort eventually and say yes. Trust me, you don’t understand the brutality of being alone on the holidays if you’ve never been alone, so invite them if you can.

5. Pay for their dinner.

I’ve experienced this kindness that people will just pay for my meal. I can’t tell if it’s because I portray myself as a downtrodden damsel, because they appreciate my invite, or what, but oh, man, it feels good when people buy you a drink, or buy you an appetizer, or buy you a whole meal.

I think it’s best as a surprise when the bill comes but doing it before works too. On occasion I’ll pay for things even if I think I’m a downtrodden damsel because I understand that my friendship is sometimes more important than my need to play that role.

There are tons of other ways to keep friendships alive but I wanted to give you a taste of some things that have made me feel special. Relationships, like gardens, have to be nurtured. Even if the garden will not bear anything you don’t have to let it die.

It’s beautiful existing as is. And your friends are beautiful even if you don’t speak to them or see them everyday. If you can try once a month to reach out to friends who have drifted away but whose company you enjoy. Friends come in many forms so keep the good ones around!

Reaching Out When You’re Feeling Alone and Worried Your Friends Forgot You

April 13, 2018January 22, 2024 by Clementine Francesin Mind, Wellness

If you’re like me you might sometimes feel insecure and fearful everyone is off having fun without you.

But, if you’re like me you’re also laser focused on your career/passions and have tons of commitments which might make you seem unavailable. Even when your friends ask you to be available to meet them on a specific date and time, you are not always available. If they do this repeatedly they might assume you are too busy for them. In reality, you’re just not available at that specific time and date.

In the end, it might seem like people stop reaching out to you, and ultimately you start to realize your friends have grown distant.

Sometimes our isolation is not one sided, unbeknownst to us, and I am here to tell you and me what we need to do to stop disappearing from our social circles.

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1. Choose a specific date and time.

People ask me to meet them and I can’t, but as I am writing this article, I realize that I don’t always ask people out.

I may ask them to accompany to me a show or a movie, but how often does that happen? So, be deliberate. If you can recognize that you are never available when certain people that you actually want in your life ask you to be available, try suggesting a time and date for when you can meet. If they say no, keep trying.

I’ve even feared that if someone didn’t answer my text one day in December they never want to speak with me and I let that relationship die. But, who knows what happened? They were mad at me in December, but it’s March now so maybe they’re less mad and I can try again? The text didn’t go through? Their phone was turned off that day and they didn’t get the message? They forgot?

Anything could have happened and I can be mad at them for not answering that text that one time, but what if they still want to hang out with me? I can try again. At least once in March? Once in April. And if I am ignored still, well, at least I made the effort!

2. Meetup

Meetup.com is a thing. A place where you can join a group for people like you. A MeetUp for left handed people. A MeetUp for introverts. A MeetUp for left handed introverts. A MeetUp for people who who want to dissect Lana Del Rey lyrics. There is a place for you.

If you’re like, “I don’t want to hang out with people” but also feel sad that no one wants to hang out with you reevaluate your thought process. Do your actions match what you want out of life? If you feel isolated, move past your discomfort and join a meetup.

Or a facebook group. There’s even a facebook group for people who have MoviePass so you can literally just go see a movie with a stranger. Not something I recommend if you’re 12, but at least in New York we meet up with random people all the time. Try doing it in public spaces if you’re nervous.

3. Go to that after office hangout.

I know we’re supposed to technically keep our work and personal life separate and that’s all well and good if you have a personal life, but come on. Many of us see our coworkers more than we see anyone else in our lives. If you like any of them, say yes to after office drinks. “I don’t drink.” Ok. And? There are non alcoholic drinks at bars, right? Order a soda. Order a lemonade.

If you don’t like your coworkers find a job where you do? Or spend time at places where you like the people? Church? Temple? Dance class? Book club? Dungeons and Dragons? Take the time to get to know people. “No one’s gonna like me.” Of course, they won’t if they don’t know how awesome you are.

What I am saying is we can’t always blame others for our isolation. Sure, it’s partially their responsibility to keep you in mind, but it’s also your responsibility. The cool thing about taking responsibility is that it gives you power. It equates to self sufficiency. It’s taking charge of your life experiences. You don’t have time? Who is in charge of your life? You. Make the time.

I remember I would see people post, f you ever feel alone you can reach out to me.” I thought those were empty words. But, do it. Reach out to your friends and say, “Hey, I feel incredibly isolated from everyone right now and I wanted to know if we could hang out. Today. Right now?”

They may say, “How about Tuesday?” Great. You have plans for Tuesday. Say yes. Then show up. Then go reach out to another friend and another friend another friend until someone says, “Ok. I’ll meet you in ten minutes.” We don’t have to be alone.

Being social takes a lot of work. Go outside of yourself to live the life you want. It doesn’t have to be Paris. It can be as simple as, “I want to do friend things at least twice a week.” Whatever it takes to get you to feel a part of the world. Just remember to keep it up!

How to Make Friends As an Adult

January 17, 2019January 22, 2024 by Meg Scanlonin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Making friends as an adult can be a challenge, but you can do it. Here’s how.

When you are in high school, college or grad school you are surrounded by people in a similar life stage. But once you are out in the working world or living in a new city, making friends can be more challenging. But don’t fret, it can be done. Here are some great ways to meet new friends.

Work Friends

Work can be a great place to meet new friends. You are spending a lot of time together and already have the common interest of being in the same field. Try spending your lunch break with your coworkers and see who you click with. Go to work happy hours and holiday parties, even if you may be tempted to skip them. Once you find someone you think you have friendship potential with, ask them to meet up outside of work or invite them to a get together you are hosting. If your co-workers are not very social or don’t share your same interests, then no worries, you can meet people in many other ways.

I am very fortunate that I get to meet a lot of new people through work and work related events and it’s been a wonderful way to bring new friends with shared interests and goals into my life.

At A Class

Taking classes can be a natural place to make friends. It could be an academic class to further your career. It could also be exploring a passion that you have like learning a new language, writing or cooking. The other people in the class may be in the same boat as you and are looking to make new friends and widen their social circle You have this shared interest and the willingness to try new things. Suggest getting food or drinks after class to get to know each other better.

I took improv classes and met some funny, awesome friends this way. After my improv classes and shows, we would go out as a group and get food and drinks. We would go see comedy shows together and kept rehearsing together as a group after the class ended. We also started performing some of our own improv shows and had an amazing time together.

Join A Group

You may want to continue hanging out with the fun people from your class after it ends. So forming a group, such as a Spanish practice group or a writer’s group can be a great way to keep the companionship going. You could decide to meet weekly at the same time and place or rotate who hosts the event. Maybe meeting up monthly is more your speed. But it provides a social support that can be really fun and can also help you continue to explore your interests.

I took a children’s book writing class and we decided to keep in touch and form a writer’s group to critique each other’s work. It motivated me to have new work each time we met and to also hang out with the group.

Sports

Many of us played sports when we were younger and may miss the team aspect as adults. It a great way to exercise and a team sport can open your social circle. Many cities offer social sports or more competitive leagues for soccer, flag football, basketball, volleyball or even kickball. Or maybe join a running group to find others to train with for a race or marathon. It can also offer you someone to support and motivate you to achieve your health and exercise goals.

I did flag football with my sister, brother-in-law and some of our friends. We got to meet some fun new people both on our team and the opposing team. It was a fun way to spend a Saturday morning, get some exercise, fresh air and catch up with friends old and new.

Friends of Friends

If you are relocating to a new city or maybe just feel like you need to expand your social group, mention it to your existing friends. They may have a childhood friend or a college friend who they think you would really hit it off with. Often times they are right because they know both of their friends so well. Even though it may feel a little awkward and like a blind date, do it anyway. If you two hit it off, then you are on your way. Family members may also be able to get you in touch with their friends.

My mom introduced me to my great friend and fellow Love TV writer Kate Oczypok. My mom met Kate and told me she thought Kate and I had a lot in common and would get along well. My mom told me that Kate is also a writer, loves music and also has a dog. Kate and I went on a blind friend date to get coffee and immediately hit it off. We have since had playdates with our dogs, Moe and Jack as well. Since we are both writers, we often share job opportunities that we find with each other. We also found out we share the same birthday!

Go To Parties and Get Togethers

If a friend invites you to their holiday party or birthday party, say yes. You can meet their other friends and colleagues and may find similarities with them too. Even if it can be tempting to stay home and veg, getting out and socializing is important. It may be a little overwhelming the first few minutes or so, but once you’ve been introduced to a few people you should feel more at ease. An easy ice breaker can be asking them how they know each other. This may provide a whole new friend group and support system for you. Two of my close friends regularly have get togethers at their home. I have been able to meet their other close friends and not surprisingly get along well with them.

The Awkwardness

Asking a new friend for their contact information or to meet up can feel a little scary. It can feel similar to asking someone out on a date or going on a blind date. But much like dating, you have to put yourself out there and get out of your comfort zone. Acknowledge that you are afraid of rejection and that’s natural. Then pat yourself on the back for doing it anyway. After you meet up once, the hard part is over and then you can plan your next activity together. All of these ways to make new friends can also be great ways to meet a romantic partner. Bringing new people into your life will bring in positive energy and fun opportunities.

How to Focus on Friendships This Holiday Season

December 13, 2019January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

The holidays should be about family and friends.

There is so much to do during the holiday seasons. There’s family to see, presents to buy, work to catch up on, events to go to. Sometimes friends get forgotten when you have so much more going on. You forget to call, tell each other you don’t have time to go out for a coffee or a drink just now, and before you know it, it’s mid-January and you haven’t seen any friends for months.

But maybe your friends don’t have to take a back seat during the holiday season. There are ways to not only include your friends this season, but to make sure they feel like they’re apart of your holiday fun!

How to Focus on Friendships This Holiday Season

There’s so much to do during the holidays: There’s family to visit, gifts to buy, and events to attend.

You might be rushing to clean up the house before family comes over or maybe you’re speeding to pack your bags in preparation to go head home for the holidays. But no matter your plans, this season can get busy.

With so much going on, it’s not uncommon to find friendships taking a back seat in December.

You and your bestie may forget to call each other, you might miss your friend group’s usual coffee date, and before you know it, it’s mid-January before you realize that you haven’t seen any of your friends for a long time.

But maybe you don’t have to forget about your friendships this year. This season, make a point to focus on your friendships with these 4 tips and tricks for a friends-filled holiday.

1. Show them you care, with some gifts!

I know, I know, you already have so many people on your shopping list. You’re probably already panicking about what to get your grandma, what to get your baby cousin, and what on earth to get your boss.

But even if it’s something small and silly, like a funny t-shirt or a scented candle, a gift that says “I’ve been thinking of you” can go a long way for a friend. Of course, you probably don’t even have to work hard on this gift. Picking something out on Amazon or ordering some cookies online is pretty painless. Plus, you can usually find a good deal while online shopping.

Just remember: the more personal you can get with a gift, the better. Your friends probably don’t need anything fancy or expensive from you, but they’d probably love something that reminds them of you, or an inside joke you share.

To help with your shopping, here are some fun (and simple) present ideas that make for wonderful friend gifts:

-A bottle of wine you think they’ll love

-An order of fruit, chocolate covered fruit, or cookies from online retailers like Harry and David or Mrs. Fields

-A hat or scarf in a color they look good in

-Drop off a pie or cheesecake on their doorstep

-A gift card to get a manicure (with a note saying you’ll plan to do your nails next time you’re together)

-A book or movie you loved (that you can talk about next time you hang out)

-A cute planner for 2020

-A holiday puzzle (you can even get a personalized puzzle with a photo of you two on it!)

-Silly socks featuring their favorite animal

2. Set aside time… ahead of time.

Making time for friends shows them that you care about them. It proves that, not only do you like seeing them, but that spending time with them is a priority to you.

But making time for friends in the middle of the holidays can be a tricky business. For me, it’s already difficult to plan hangouts during the non-holiday seasons. Between my work schedule, their work schedule, and miscellaneous commitments to worry about, it’s tough to set aside time. So, when you throw in extra holiday errands and family events? It can be tough.

The best way I’ve found to make time for friends is to set up a hangout date, weeks in advance, at an event that’s extra special and really can’t be moved. Think late-night movie premier or special live holiday show.

If you’re like me, it can be easy to ask a friend for a rain check if you only make loose plans to meet up for something like happy hour “one day this week.” But if you set aside time for a special event, buy the tickets ahead of time, and put it on your calendar weeks (or a month) before, you’ll both probably stick to the plan.

3. Do holiday chores together.

Sometimes, you simply can’t set aside extra time for friends during the holidays. The idea of making time to see a movie? Impossible. Going out to dinner? Nope.

But you don’t necessarily have to carve out exclusive “friend time” in order to see your besties. Instead, team up with your buddies to get your holiday chores done together.

Meet up at the mall to shop together. Chit-chat as you wait in long lines. Help each other figure out what to get your parents or significant others. Try on Christmas sweaters and tell each other, honestly, if they look okay. As a reward, maybe you can sit down together for a drink once the shopping is done.

If you’re not crazy about the idea of shopping together, consider inviting friends over to your place on Christmas Eve to make pies (or appetizers) that you can bring to each of your family’s homes the next day. It takes about the same amount of time to make two or three batches as it does one—but baking together makes it twice as fun.

Or, if baking isn’t your thing, you could just meet up to wrap presents.

One of my besties and I love to meet up before Christmas and wrap presents together. We drink wine and eat cookies as we wrap, and over the years, it’s become one of my favorite holiday activities!

4. Involve friends in your traditions.

Another great way to include friends in the holidays is to make at least one of your traditions friend-friendly.

One option is to can make a tradition especially for your friend group. “Friendsgiving” is such a hit, you might consider organizing something like that (perhaps a little present exchange or ice skate party) in December. Or, if that’s too much work, you could always include friends in your existing family traditions.

You could slide some more chairs up to the table for Christmas brunch—or why not invite some friends over for some spin the dreidel?

Of course, you might be thinking this is probably easier said than done.

You might assume that your friends probably have their own plans with their own families—so why would they want to join in on yours? The truth is, you might be surprised at how many of your friends don’t live near family, or if they do, have low-key family gatherings at holidays. You might even have friends who do their “big” celebrations on different days.

I once went to a friend’s house for “Christmas Eve-Eve” which was a big thing in her family. All the cousins, extended family, and friends would get together for a big potluck. For them, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were small and pretty quiet, but December 23rd was more about neighbors and friends. It was a great tradition.

The holidays are all about spending time with the people you love—and that should mean your family and friends. While your season may be busy, these tips can help you rearrange and refocus to find some extra room for your friends this holiday.

New Year’s Resolutions for Better Friendships in 2020

January 7, 2020January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I love New Year’s resolutions. They’re an excuse to challenge myself and set new goals for the year ahead. I’m pretty serious about sticking to them, too. I like to write my goals for the year on a piece of paper and tape it to the fridge so that I always remember my plans, and can cross them out as I accomplish them.

Usually, I make goals for my career, exercise goals, and plans for how many books I want to read that year. But this year my goals are a little different.

After a big move this year, I realized that friendships are really important to me. Not only do I miss my friends back home, but I had to make all new friends in my new city. I learned how important friendships are to me, so this year I’m making resolutions to be a better friend and have better friendships.

Here are my resolutions for better friendships in 2020.

1. Set aside time for friendships

To have better friendships, you have to be a better friend. And part of that is making friendships a priority.

Being in a relationship for so long, I’ve found that I often put friendships on the backburner, preferring to spend time with my husband rather than make plans with friends.

But I realize that I need to maintain friendships in order to keep them. When you don’t make time for a friend, they can start to fade out of your life. You both forget to call, don’t think to invite each other over, one of you moves, and suddenly you don’t know each other anymore. It’s the worst.

Of course, there are exceptions to this. I have some friends who I can not see for years and when we do finally get together, it’s like no time has passed. But especially with new friends, if you don’t spend time developing a friendship, the relationship can crumble.

One of my biggest resolutions this year is to make more time for friends. For me, making time to go out to dinner with just one friend, one time a week, is a great improvement. But maybe you’re more flexible and can make more time for friends.

Maybe your resolution could be calling 5 different friends a week. Or maybe you want to go to lunch with someone new from your office every day until you’ve met everyone. It’s easy to cater this resolution to your friend goals and no matter how you do it, you’re sure to have lots of fun.

2. Remember birthdays

One way to show your friends you care is to remember their birthdays. And I’m not just talking about about posting on their Facebook wall.

It means so much to people when you remember their birthday. It shows that you care and that you want to celebrate them. When my friends have reached out to me before my birthday, asking if I wanted to go out for a drink for my special day, it has meant so much to me. Even when friends follow through and show up for birthday celebrations means a lot.

That’s why one goal I’m making this year is to remember my friends’ birthdays. I’m looking up everyone’s birthdays and writing them down in my calendar. I’ll try to make sure we make time to celebrate but even if I just end up sending a card or even a text to friends for their birthdays, I know that it will probably mean a lot.

3. Planning activities your friends will like

I love planning hang outs with friends. But I especially love planning hang outs at places I love.

I’m always asking friends if they want to go to the local wine bar or go and see a comedy show. But somehow I never seem to be free when friends ask me to do things they like to do. I almost always turn down requests to go to restaurants I don’t like and for activities I don’t particularly enjoy. Funny how that works.

But this year, I’m changing that.

I’m making a goal to try to do more things that my friends like. When I know I’m going to see my craft-loving friend, I’ll offer to go to a knitting class and when I’m planning to see my outdoorsie friend, I’ll ask her to go on a hike.

It’s a great way to show that I value our friendship (and my friend’s interests), plus, it’s a good way to expand my own interests.

4. Double date

Hanging out with friends is a great way to bond. But going out on a double date? That’s a whole new level. It’s one thing to talk to your friend, but a whole other thing to get to know their partner (whether they be short term partners or long term relationships), and let your friends get to know who you’re with.

It can be a great way to get to know each other better, and if your partners get along too, it could be a great way to expand your friendship to include “couple activities.”

5. Be a great conversationalist

It’s so fun to talk to friends, except when it’s not. I’ve definitely had friends who were not always super fun to talk to. I know a few people who always seem to be complaining about work or complaining about other friends. I also know a few people who practically zone out when I’m talking. They’re the kind of people who wait to talk, instead of listen.

And don’t get me wrong, I can complain about stupid stuff and I can also sound like a broken record when talking about work. But it’s nice to talk to friends about interesting things, intellectually stimulating things, and to have fun when we’re talking.

So, this year I’m determined to be a better conversationalist. I’ll keep myself updated on interesting news stories, but I’ll also try to be more engaging and be a better listener.

If you’re looking to make better friendships in 2020, sometimes you have to be a better friend. These tips will help you to improve your friendships skills and friendships in the new year!