4 Tips to Find Your Soul Mate by Christmas

December 18, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

December is freshly pressed into our lives….

with Christmas vision waiting for you just around the corner. For many it can be not so cheerful reality check. Does the thought of spending them by yourself fill you with dread? Well, fear no more! There are ways that you can turn the holiday preparations to your advantage, so that you can find your soul mate by Christmas.

Step 1: Don’t Worry, Be Happy

It’s hard to be happy when you see everyone else in pairs and you’re still single, but happiness is what is needed in order to catch someone’s eye. People like to be around happy people. While misery may get you attention in the short-term, people will soon get tired of your company if all you do is complain about being single, or talking about how unhappy you are that you’re still alone.

LIKE ENERGY ATTRACTS LIKE ENERGY. This isn’t just psychic new-age babble. It’s not just wishful thinking or bright-siding. It is a theory of quantum physics, and it works. Think of it like driving a car; that vehicle is going to go where you point it, right

It’s the same with your thinking. If you focus on being miserable and alone, the more of that same energy is what you’re going to draw into your life. If you focus on what is going well, and creating your own happiness, then more of that energy is what you’re going to draw into your life. Sure, it takes more effort, but the reward is greater, too, don’t you think? Acknowledge the fact that you are unhappy with the way that things are, recognize that you want to change things so that you have someone special in your life, and then set about making the changes, rather than dwelling on the misery.

When you throw yourself into activities that you love, you start to sparkle and shine, and that enthusiasm is both charismatic and contagious.

Step 2: Try Something New

You may look at this as self-improvement time. Maybe you have been thinking about working out at the gym, or taking up a group activity such as hiking or a sport. What better way to meet new people than to start doing new things? You will be sure that you have a common interest with the people you meet, too, for you’re pursuing a common goal or activity.

Consider taking a class, starting a hobby, joining an organization or volunteering somewhere. Make sure it is something that makes you feel passionate. When you throw yourself into activities that you love, you start to sparkle and shine, and that enthusiasm is both charismatic and contagious. In order to find your soul mate, they first have to recognize you, and your charisma will enable them to to that.

Step 3: Believe in Yourself

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t’ have to put on an act. Just be genuinely who you are. Acknowledge your faults or shortcomings and work on improving them, but don’t do it for someone else. Don’t fall into the trap of ‘if I can only lose weight / finish my degree / pay off my credit card / move to a new town / get a different car / start a new job / etc, then everything will be perfect and I will find true love’ mindset. It really doesn’t work that way.

It may sound over-simplified, but if you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else? When you feel down on yourself it’s very easy to fall into the ‘nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms’ type of mindset, but be brutally honest with yourself; would you want to fall in love with a person who exhibited that type of mindset?

True love will find you when you are being the best you whom you can be. If you want to lose weight, finish your degree, start a new job, or whatever, great—but do it for you, not for someone else. Remember, it is when you are openly and honestly yourself, immersing yourself in the joys of life and celebrating your uniqueness, that you give off the glow that will attract your soul mate to you.

Believe in your soul mate. It is a fact that there is someone out there for you.

Step 4: Believe in Your Soul Mate

In fact, this goes beyond believing in your soul mate. You have to know that he or she is out there. When you hope, there’s an element of doubt. When you believe, you take things on faith. When you know, you trust in fact—and it is a fact that there is someone out there for you. Knowing this, and living your life in this way, can make the difference between success, and failure.

LET’S PLAY PRETEND FOR A MINUTE…

Let’s pretend that you are already with your soul mate, but they are away on a business trip, to a remote place where there is no access to email or cellphone. You still go about your day, but you’re confident, because you know you have someone in your life. You aren’t miserable when you go out with your friends, because you know you are not alone. Chores like shopping for groceries or doing the dishes aren’t a grind, because you know that someone’s waiting for you.

Now, apply that to your life now. Just because you don’t know who this person is, just because they are not in your life yet, doesn’t mean that they’re not real. Have that HAPPY CONFIDENCE, put that spring in your step, and go through your days knowing that you have someone in your life. Like energy attracts like energy, remember?

Step 5: Make Room for Love to Come

Human beings, by nature, are creatures of habit, and sometimes those habits are hard to break. It’s easy to get stuck where we are, and to focus on what we have already experienced, rather than what is yet to come. We’ve already looked at going new places and doing new things, but you also need to make room in your life and your heart if you want your soul mate to enter and take up residence.

Make sure that you are not clinging to your past. If your house is full of MEMORABILIA and photographs of your ex, it’s time to have a clear out. Yes, it may be painful to realize that your love is not coming back, but that’s part of the healing process. This person may not be returning, but that means that someone equally wonderful or even more amazing than your ex is about to enter your life. Make sure that there’s space in your home, and that it reflects the welcome that you’re giving to new romance.

BE STRONG ENOUGH TO LET THAT HURT GO…

Yes, you may be opening yourself up to being vulnerable, and yes, there is a chance that someone else may disappoint you in the future—but what if they don’t? What if by being fully open and embracing your authentic self, you welcome in the love of your soul mate, the love you’ve waited so long to experience?

Last step before….

If you can embrace these five steps, I promise you that you will be well on your way to meeting your soul mate by Christmas. Just remember that you have more than one person who could be your soul mate. You have more than one chance for love—we all do. You move through life and you touch everyone whom you encounter. Some people will be in your life for a reason, to teach you something or to learn something from you.

And most important…enjoy your seasonal time (no matter how you call it) with yourself first!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How Do I Find True LOVE?

December 29, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

Often, people think that they have to learn how to master love when they’re already in a relationship.

In reality, who you are before you ever fall in love says much more about how your relationship will work out. You might be surprised to learn that most of the work of creating true love in your life is actually done before you ever meet “the one.”

I have watched my clients and friends (and, not to mention, myself) find true love, and there are a few common themes in what comes beforehand.

Here are eight things you must master before you can invite real love into your life:

1. Don’t focus on finding a partner. Focus on building a great relationship with yourself.

If you want anything in life to work out, you must have a trusting and loving relationship with yourself first. This is the primary focus in my life coaching work, because a positive self-image truly paves to road for any happiness, opportunity, and lasting joy in life.

Check in with yourself: how do you treat yourself? How do you speak to yourself? How do you hold yourself back and why?

2. Replace anxiety with faith.

People who have found real love, didn’t get permanently caught up in anxiety, believing they will never find love. Rather, they remember to trust in divine timing. Negative, fearful thoughts only increase anxiety and an anxious mind never speaks nicely to the self.

Your thoughts create your reality, so by thinking negatively you’re essentially manifesting what you don’t want. Train yourself to think positively, expecting the good.

3. Believe (and really believe) that you deserve to be loved.

This is a frequent underlying (often unconscious) limiting belief that many of my clients carry with them: fear of not being good enough and not being love-worthy. It’s the number one way in which many people sabotage themselves and their quest for love.

If you don’t believe you’re love-worthy, why would anyone else think that you are? You have to shed this limiting belief and stop sabotaging yourself with your thoughts about yourself if you want to find true love.

4. Learn to receive the love that is offered to you.

It’s a bit counter-intuitive, but receiving is a much more vulnerable act of showing yourself to another person than giving. You are basically telling another person, “You make me happy,” which is both a very empowering statement to make and one that makes you feel vulnerable.

The question is: can you show gratitude and pleasure to other people openly and without feeling ashamed or guilty?

5. Let go of your checklist of must-haves for your ideal partner.

While it’s good to know what you like and don’t like, you also don’t want to narrow your worldview and create stubborn tunnel vision. Must-have lists are formulated from a head space, but the head isn’t what falls in love or has compassion during inevitable tough times.

Often, the qualities you will most appreciate and honor in your partner are the ones you didn’t even know you needed. Loosen up and trust that life will send you the love of your life!

6. Give people the benefit of the doubt.

Are you interpreting every ever-so-slightly confusing signal you get from a potential mate as an offense to you and a red flag or a sign that they aren’t trustworthy after all? Or are you able to stop yourself from over-analyzing everything and believe that the person you have met has their heart in the right place?

Believing in the good of another person, even if you have been disappointed, will make your life much more free and joyful. Don’t let past experiences determine your future.

7. Become an effective and honest communicator.

You cannot selectively be a good communicator with some people and a terrible communicator with others. You are either someone who has the integrity and the courage to be heard and speak their mind honestly, or you are hanging on to a tendency to suppress, avoid, or silence communication.

The good news is that communication patterns can be worked on and improved pretty much every second of your waking life. Ask yourself, “Am I honest and sincere with myself? Am I expressing myself in full integrity to what I truly think and feel?”

8. Look for good role models.

Role models matter greatly, because we learn from observing others starting the moment we were born. Even if you parents weren’t in the greatest marriage, you can look to other relationships that you admire and pick out the attributes you like the most.

When observing couples you respect try and identify exactly how the couples supports each other. How do they speak to one another? How do they show each other love? By asking these questions, you are essentially increasing your awareness for the kind of relationships that do work, rather than having a running list of things you don’t want in your own love life.

In the comments I’d love to hear from you: what can you do and improve upon now that will help make your future relationship bloom freely? I’ve seen hundreds of people work on themselves, change their expectations, and learn to embrace who they are. I know you can do this too!

Take the first step today!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Look for the Right Partner Right Now

January 5, 2016January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

Remember that a relationship consists of two people. Both you and your partner should have equal say and should never be afraid to express how you feel.

Nice eyes? A great smile? A quirky sense of humor? There are a lot of different things that might make you attracted to someone. But having a healthy relationship with your partner is about more than attraction; it requires respect, trust and open communication. Whether you’re looking for a relationship or are already in one, make sure you and your partner agree on what makes a relationship healthy. It’s not always easy, but you can build a healthy relationship. Look for someone who:

Treats you with respect.
Doesn’t make fun of things you like or want to do.
Never puts you down.
Doesn’t get angry if you spend time with your friends or family.
Listens to your ideas and compromise sometimes.
Isn’t excessively negative.
Shares some of your interests such as movies, sports, reading, dancing or music.
Isn’t afraid to share their thoughts and feelings.
Is comfortable around your friends and family.
Is proud of your accomplishments and successes.
Respects your boundaries and does not abuse technology.
Doesn’t require you to “check in” or need to know where you are all the time.
Is caring and honest.
Doesn’t pressure you to do things that you don’t want to do.
Doesn’t constantly accuse you of cheating or being unfaithful.
Encourages you to do well in school or at work.
Doesn’t threaten you or make you feel scared.
Understands the importance of healthy relationships.

Remember that a relationship consists of two people. Both you and your partner should have equal say and should never be afraid to express how you feel. It’s not just about speaking up for yourself — you should also listen and seriously consider what your partner says.

Every relationship has arguments and disagreements sometimes — this is normal. How you choose to deal with your disagreements is what really counts. Both people should work hard to communicate effectively.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Women Who Lead in Love Are Finding Out This

April 5, 2016January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

If you’re an “I’ll wait for him to approach me kind of girl,” perhaps you should reconsider your approach to love in 2016—especially if you frequent online dating sites.

According to Yahoo, a recent OkCupid study revealed that women who initiated conversations online were 2.5 times more likely to receive a response in comparison to men who make the first move. Also, female-initiated contact led to more conversations and more dates. Approximately 12 percent of the messages men initiated resulted in dates while 30 percent of initiatory messages from women led to dates. And if that doesn’t motivate you, perhaps this will: The men that the women contacted were considered “more” attractive. Women who simply selected from the pool of men who reached out to them first were more likely to find themselves conversing with “less” attractive men.

To arrive at their findings, researchers pulled information from a random sample of 70,000 users who logged in at least three times within the same month.

“When women are proactive there’s a big win,” Jimena Almendares, OkCupid Chief Product Officer, told ABC News. “This is data that is showing that if they actually speak up, they have so much to gain.”

Of course, putting yourself out there is a lot easier said than done, but writer and relationship expert Demetria Lucas D’Oyley says that making the first move can be as simple as paying him a compliment.

“If you see someone you find attractive, you say ‘Hi,’ you ask him a question or you pay him a compliment,” D’Oyley shared during a “Good Morning America” segment earlier this month. “It can be as beautiful as, ‘I like your tie,’ ‘I like your hair.’”

Don’t get it twisted, though, your role as the aggressor should cease once you have his attention. At that point, you should chill out and allow him to do the pursuing.

“Making the first move doesn’t mean making all of the moves,” Demetria warned. “It means making sure that you’re friendly, you’re approachable; he knows you’re interested and less likely to reject him.”

Do you make an effort to approach guys you like? Why or why not?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Developing Your LOVE Muscles = Quality LOVE

August 10, 2016January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

When it comes to finding long-lasting love, people are looking for someone they can spend the rest of their life with — or at least the foreseeable future.

When two people first meet it’s all about chemistry and passion. You don’t question if they have a savings account or a good relationship with their family — it’s all about initial attraction. However, if you’re looking for a life partner or are in the midst of a long-term relationship, this attraction, while important, may wane in comparison to a person’s bigger qualities and traits. When it comes to finding long-lasting love, people are looking for someone they can spend the rest of their life with — or at least the foreseeable future. With this outlook, a different set of qualities matter. These are some of the qualities and traits that can make you a more desirable partner.

1. You’re quick to move on

This is a big one. Fights will happen and when they do, it’s important to be quick to apologize and quick to forgive. If you always point the finger of blame and never take responsibility for your mistakes, your fights will drag on, leading to an unhappy partner. Likewise, if after every disagreement you spend hours being angry or pouty, even after apologies have been said, you’ll exhaust the relationship and the fight will only grow in size. Make an effort to apologize quickly and forgive easily. These two qualities will do wonders for a relationship.

It can be tempting to throw yourself into a relationship and lose yourself. Unfortunately when you do, you’ll lose the individuality and confidence that may have attracted your partner to you in the first place. Give your significant other plenty of love, but always love yourself first. Nurture your passions — even if your partner has no interest in them — and spend time alone.

3. You’re honest

If trust is the foundation in a relationship then honesty is the trait that builds that trust. Being honest with your partner on all things allows them to be honest and vulnerable with you. Very little is more detrimental to a close relationship than dishonesty and deception. When you enter into a new relationship start with complete honesty and maintain that level of truth throughout your partnership. A commitment to honesty, from both people, will make for a longer-lasting, happier relationship.

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How I Knew I Found Someone Special

August 16, 2016January 22, 2024 by Robin Tranin LOVE

All I cared about is that she made me happy whenever I was around her, and she helps me help myself feel worthy of that love every day.

I’ve always been a bratty, picky introvert, lamenting about my loneliness while putting myself through self-imposed solitude. I can’t quite explain why. I love being alone yet I hate being lonely. It’s this inexplicable balance that I’ve lived with for the vast majority of my life.

I have a high capacity for love, yet a very low tolerance for stimulus. This means that while I appreciate every moment I get to spend with my friends and family, I was never able to see any one person more than twice a week before I started feeling overwhelmed. I would have to take regular breaks from seeing people.

That was, until I met my current girlfriend.

In 2012, I was going through a journey of self-discovery. That was the year I realized that I had never really been happy. I would smile and laugh occasionally, but the feeling of pure joy eluded me. I started figuring out how to love myself using cognitive behavioral therapy and meditation.

It was around this time that I met Cate. When I first got to know her, I didn’t know that she would be the person I’d want to spend my life with. We always got along made each other laugh, but I was still in the process of finding myself. I still held onto my rule of only seeing my friends twice a week. I kept a wall up, perhaps to protect myself from pain.

But one fateful day, after many months of cognitive therapy, I worked up the nerve to take a risk. For a long time, I had “jokingly” asked her on dates, which always gave her the opportunity to laugh off the situation. But not on this day.

I wanted to drop any pretense that I was joking and told her that I was serious, letting her know that I wanted to get to know her better. We finally set up our first date.

I wasn’t sure what I expected when we went out for the first time. All I wanted to do was have a good time, get to know someone new. I always enjoyed her company and our Facebook chats, and she was the smartest person I knew.

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Why We Fail in Today’s Relationships

September 2, 2016January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

Why are relationships so hard today? Why do we fail at love every time, despite trying so hard?

Why have humans suddenly become so inept at making relationships last? Have we forgotten how to love? Or worse, forgotten what love is?

We’re not prepared. We’re not prepared for the sacrifices, for the compromises, for the unconditional love. We’re not ready to invest all that it takes to make a relationship work. We want everything easy. We’re quitters. All it takes is a single hurdle to make us crumble to our feet. We don’t let our love grow, we let go before time.

It’s not love we’re looking for, only excitement and thrill in life. We want someone to watch movies and party with, not someone who understands us even in our deepest silences. We spend time together, we don’t make memories. We don’t want the boring life. We don’t want a partner for life, just someone who can make us feel alive right now, this very instant. When the excitement fades, we discover nobody ever prepared us for the mundane. We don’t believe in the beauty of predictability because we’re too blinded by the thrill of adventure.

We immerse ourselves in the inconsequentials of the city life, leaving no space for love. We don’t have time to love, we don’t have the patience to deal with relationships. We’re busy people chasing materialistic dreams and there’s no scope to love. Relationships are nothing more than convenience.

We look for instant gratification in everything we do – the things we post online, the careers we choose, and the people we fall in love with. We want the maturity in a relationship that comes with time, the emotional connect that develops over years, that sense of belonging when we barely even know the other person. Apparently, nothing’s worth our time and patience – not even love.

We’d rather spend an hour each with a hundred people than spending a day with one. We believe in having ‘options’. We’re ‘social’ people. We believe more in meeting people than getting to know them. We’re greedy. We want to have everything. We get into relationships at the slightest attraction and step out, the moment we find someone better. We don’t want to bring out the best in that one person. We want them to be perfect. We date a lot of people but rarely give any of them a real chance. We’re disappointed in everyone.

Technology has brought us closer, so close that it’s impossible to breathe. Our physical presence has been replaced by texts, voice messages, snapchats and video calls. We don’t feel the need to spend time together anymore. We have too much of each other already. There’s nothing left to talk about.

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You Fail in Relationships: Why?

September 7, 2016January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

Why are relationships so hard today? Why do we fail at love every time, despite trying so hard?

Why have humans suddenly become so inept at making relationships last? Have we forgotten how to love? Or worse, forgotten what love is?

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You Fail in Relationships: Why?

November 7, 2016January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

Why are relationships so hard today? Why do we fail at love every time, despite trying so hard?

Why have humans suddenly become so inept at making relationships last? Have we forgotten how to love? Or worse, forgotten what love is?

We’re a generation of ‘wanderers’ who wouldn’t stay at one place for too long. Everyone is commitment phobic. We believe we’re not meant for relationships. We don’t want to settle down. Even the thought of it is scary. We cannot imagine being with one person for the rest of our lives. We walk away. We despise permanence like it’s some social evil. We like to believe we’re ‘different’ than the rest. We like to believe we don’t conform to social norms.

We’re a generation that calls itself ‘sexually liberated’. We can tell sex apart from love, or so we think. We’re the hook-up-break-up generation. We have sex first and then decide if we want to love someone. Sex comes easy, loyalty doesn’t. Getting laid has become the new getting drunk. You do it not because you love the other person, but because you want to feel good. It’s all the temporary fulfillment we need. Sex outside relationships isn’t a taboo anymore. Relationships aren’t that simple anymore. There are open relationships, friends with benefits, casual flings, one-night stands, no strings attached – we’ve left very little exclusivity for love in our lives.

We’re the practical generation who runs by logic alone. We don’t know how to love madly anymore. We wouldn’t take a flight to a far-off land just to see someone we love. We’d break up because, long distance. We’re too sensible for love. Too sensible for our own good.

We’re a scared generation – scared to fall in love, scared to commit, scared to fall, scared to get hurt, scared to get our hearts broken. We don’t allow anyone in, nor do we step out and love anyone unconditionally. We lurk from behind walls we’ve created ourselves, looking for love and running away the moment we really find it. We suddenly ‘cannot handle it’. We don’t want to be vulnerable. We don’t want to bare our soul to anyone. We’re too guarded.

We don’t even value relationships anymore. We let go of the most wonderful people for ‘the other fishes in the sea.’ We don’t consider them sacred anymore.

There’s nothing we couldn’t conquer in this world, and yet, here we are ham-fisted at the game of love – the most basic of human instincts. Evolution, they call it.

Curated by Jeremy
Original Article

How Size Doesn’t Matter: Take Napoleon for Instance

December 14, 2016January 22, 2024 by Eric Lampaertin Sex

Every French man knows that like all good wines, women mature with age, in both beauty and brains.

There’s a general consensus that women love tall men, or at the very least taller than them. I am not sure what the benefits of being lanky are; my legs hurt in economy, the game limbo where people judge how low I can go is 15% harder and my career as a professional jockey is not where I’d like it to be. And yet, that hasn’t held us gargantuan men back from conquering the hearts of the opposite sex.

Conquering may be an inappropriate word, but it leads me nicely onto one of the most famous short men, Napoleon Bonaparte. Although listed as 5 feet 2 inches, those were the old French units which in the modern equivalent would make him 5’7”. (Same height as Tom Cruise. Coincidence? Yes.)

Napoleon not only wanted to conquer land for Lady Liberty of France, but also needed to conquer the heart of a potential empress to have by his side. Young Napoleon was in charge of older men who loomed over him and the only way he thought he’d have the respect of his men was by marrying a cougar. Meeeow. How’d you get this total babe? Oh you know, just invading multiple countries. No biggie.

Napoleon fell head over heels for Marie-Joseph-Rose de Meauharnais, later renamed Josephine because Napoleon didn’t like her name. We all give our lovers nicknames after all. The only problem with the relationship? She despised Napoleon. He was too much of a nerd.

Every French man knows that like all good wines, women mature with age, in both beauty and brains. (Cheese is also great the more mature it is, but not the best comparison for a lady). Josephine may have been a desirable decanter of Dom Perignon when it came to motherhood, but a Two Buck Chuck chardonnay with a crazy straw when it came to ROMANCE with Napoleon. She had no desire whatsoever to marry Napoleon, but was informed by a friend the only way for her to keep her lavish lifestyle and keep her two children safe was to marry Napoleon, whom was oblivious to her hatred for him.

They married and a few days later, it was a romantic honeymoon to Italy, without her. Alas, he had to go to work, and every day, the besotted general would write his wife love letters, while she was back home in Paris, Netflix and chilling with other men.
She made many excuses as to why she could not join him in Italy, and went as far as telling him she was pregnant and thus could not travel. She was not with child of course, which is surprising considering the amount of Parisian baguette she gobbled. She just wasn’t interested in giving the general a chance to show her he was worthy of her heart.

When the cuckolded Napoleon found out, angered by the betrayal, he decided to come back to France in a mission to cherish her. Napoleon’s attempt to win her heart lasted too briefly when she arrived and told him the reason she was no longer pregnant was due to a miscarriage. This devastated Napoleon. (I bet you didn’t know all this about the tiny man we mock).

After she cheated on him a few more times, he no longer loved her, but in a twist of fate, she now was falling in love with him. The story goes that Josephine was forever in love with Napoleon from the moment he parted ways with her. As she was dying of diphteria, her last word was ‘Napoleon’. He later re-married the Archduchess of Austria Maria-Louisa, later renamed Marie Louise because Napoleon didn’t like her name.

Tall men don’t necessarily make better men. Neither do ‘bad boys’. Ladies, give the not so tall nerds a chance, they might surprise you and go above and beyond to swoon you off your feet. And if they seem to try hard like Napoleon, it might just be because they’re really besotted by you. My wife told me she wasn’t sure about getting with me because I was too weird, but luckily one of her friends convinced her to give me a chance, and now we’re happily married. Give the nerds a chance.

Finding Your Ho, Ho, Ho this Holiday, When You’re Single

December 20, 2016January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Happy Holidays, Fellow Single Folks!

Ho, ho, ho …. you’re alone!!! Do you ever feel like the holidays put a great, big, exclamation point on the sad fact that you currently aren’t with anyone? Does all that mistletoe, tinsel, and Christmas cheer make you feel all kinds of lonely? Yeah. Me too. Whether you are divorced, single, nursing a broken heart, or even widowed, like me – the holiday season can really do a number on your ability to feel joy. In fact, it can be downright depressing.

But it doesn’t have to be. Sure, singing Christmas carols and harmonizing by yourself, or making a gingerbread house for one, doesn’t sound like loads of fun – but there are ways that you can turn the holidays from a time of “woe is me” to a time of something special and meaningful. And perhaps even have some fun and do something a bit different in the process. Really. All it takes is thinking a bit outside the box. Here are a few ways to have a purposeful, meaningful, joyful holiday – while being single:

Get Outside:

Maybe in past years, you have done the same tired thing, over and over and over again. Perhaps its time to change it up, do something new. If you’re single, guess what? You don’t have to answer to anyone, so if you feel like spending Christmas week in a casino, seeing a Broadway show, or on a beach in Florida, who says you can’t? Sure, you’ll still be alone and single, but suddenly that doesn’t seem so awful with a coconut rum drink in your hand while floating along in a pool. Also, when you do something completely different and new with your holiday, think of all the stories you’ll have for the rest of your friends and family. They might even end up being jealous, and that’s always fun.

Start New Traditions:

So you watch “A Christmas Story” on a loop, every Christmas Eve, every single year, for your entire life. That doesn’t mean you have to keep doing that until the end of time. If you want to do that, then great. But sometimes all it takes to feel new joy is a little bit of change. If you normally have hot cocoa with marshmallows, be a rebel and switch to whipped cream! Perhaps you could even gather together with other single friends, and together, create a lovely holiday dinner or evening, complete with your own brand new traditions. The good thing about new traditions, is that they feel very personal, because YOU created them. And now, you already have something to look forward to next year!

Help Out:

It is very easy to get caught up in all the ways that your own life kind of sucks during the holidays. One good way to help take the focus off of that for awhile, is to find ways to give to other people whose lives probably suck a lot more than yours does.The Thanksgiving after my husband’s death, I volunteered at a women’s shelter serving food for the holiday. The people there were so nice and so appreciative of everything, it took my mind off my own stuff for awhile, and it also helped me to engage in something that was far outside my own life circle. I actually had fun, and ended up doing more things like that going forward.

Be a Kid, Play with Kids:

Just because you’re officially an adult, that doesn’t mean you have to be serious all the time. Children love the holidays, because they get to be kids and just have fun! Who says you can’t do the same? If you have kids in your family, play with them. Build a snowman together. Build a fort. Make Christmas cookies. Make silly videos on Instagram and make each other laugh. If there are no kids in your life (I have a niece and nephew, so it’s always fun to be silly with them), bring back the kid in YOU, and have some fun this time of year. Go sledding, or snowmobiling. If you’re in a warm climate place, take a swim or a stroll.

Whatever you decide to do this holiday season, being single isn’t the end of the world. Yes, it can be sad and it can certainly be frustrating when everyone around you seems to be part of a couple. But, if you can focus on the celebration of love in all it’s forms – the holidays will start to become much more enjoyable.

So Happy Holidays, Fellow Single Folks! Here’s a toast to you, in all your awesomeness!

The Secret Code of Hugging

April 3, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Mind

What’s in a man’s hug?

Have you ever wondered what goes through one’s mind when a hug is exchanged? Well, healing takes place magically. Suddenly the world seems better. You start to feel positive about life. Like someone once said, a bear hug after a long day is sometimes all you need to feel better.

It’s a known fact that a hug is the biggest stress buster for human beings. As we humans are bound with feelings, the emotional gestures become crucial for us and hug being one of them. Having said that did you know just as we can know about a person from the way he shakes hands, same way you can know your guy the way he hugs you?

“One day someone will hug you so tight that all your broken pieces will fit back together.”

This hug day FashionLady has come up with an exclusive edition helping you understand the meaning behind his embrace. The way your beau hugs you tells a lot about his feelings for you.

Let’s Look At Different Types Of Hugs

The sneak hug
Hug with a gentle rub
The waist wrap hug
Hug with a pat
Hug with touching his head to yours

Now let’s look at each of the different types of hugs in detail and learn the significance of a hug, actually each of the different hugs.

The Sneak Hug

In this hug, your guy sneaks from your behind and puts his arms around your chest! In this type of a guy hug girl from behind, the feeling can be most amazing as a sneaking and sudden grab and hold will make you feel more wanted and secure. These hugs are amazing specially when given while the girl is busy cooking, doing the dishes, while she is reading a book and so on.

This kind of gesture suggests that the guy is madly in love with you. He wants you to make you realize about the oneness here, as wraps your body with his arms, while keeping your feet intertwined. As per author of Success Signals, Patti Wood, “By covering your back, he’s conveying that he wants to shelter you. He’s also flexing his masculinity — this displays his strength and dominance.”

However be warned that if you husband/boyfriend frequently hugs you from the back. You should realize that he is longing for a closer connection but thinks you’re unavailable. As per Christopher Blazina, PhD, author of The Secret Lives of Men, “He avoids hugging face-to-face because he’s worried you’re not into him.”

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I Don’t Know How to Love Men

April 17, 2017January 22, 2024 by Clementine Francesin LOVE

I don’t know how to love men. There. I said it.

I didn’t grow up with a positive male figure. The constant male presence in my life was toxic. So the only men that looked good to me were in the books and the movies and the songs. Now, that I am an adult, well I’ve been for quite some time, I’m still romantically developmentally arrested. I don’t know what to do with men. I don’t think I trust them. They kind of scare me; the ones with conditioning to be dishonest, to abuse, to entitlement, the disposal of women, but not in like a murder-y way, but in “on to the next one” kind of way. But also murder! Rape!

Feminism is a response to the patriarchy aka oppression.

Look, I don’t want to be used. I’m fragile! I can’t keep breaking. I spend every day trying to build myself up. It’s exhausting.

Am I a Lesbian?

Sometimes I think I have no attraction to men. Maybe I’m a lesbian in denial. But, I can’t say that I really like women either. But that could be denial talking. But, sometimes any man that shows me any kindness I think I could love. I have this exterior of “I love no one.” But, any bit of kindness a male shows me I think could be love. But, since it screws with my, “no love for me, please” narrative I shut it down. I was never taught how to love. I didn’t see it growing up. What I saw was poison and I think I’ve been spending my life avoiding poison.

I really do believe I could live the rest of my life without ever being in any kind of relationship. But, it’s tough because I do find people attractive. For nearly a decade I was incredibly infatuated (read: http://www.lovetv.co/the-safety-of-my-unrequited-love/) with a celebrity. I’ve been head over heels for teachers, for co-workers, but no one’s ever reciprocated. But, in hindsight, I’ve noticed I’ve been my own cock blocker. If a guy shows interest I immediately see his shady or charming ways and it turns me off. Or I make sure we stay “just friends” because I’m not into him and I don’t want to be, but I could probably fall for anyone who shows me any kindness, if they’re persistent enough. And that makes me think I’m weak.

Romance, is it Weakness?

I guess to engage in romance equals weakness to me. Or should I say vulnerability? Vulnerability makes one susceptible to pain and if there’s anything in life I want to avoid it’s pain. I’m always in pain. I live between no emotion and a ball of emotions and that is as a lonely woman alone. Loneliness is easier. But is it? The idea of handing my feelings to someone and giving them power to affect me is so daunting. Sometimes I wish I was the kind of girl who could just go through guys, whatever that means, but I also want to hide.

Work In Progress

Maybe I’m like the boys who assume that any woman who gives them attention must want to bang them. But, also I believe no one is interested in me, and that maybe I’m highly unattractive and maybe I’m too mean. They say you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else which I don’t think anyone actually follows, but I want it to be true for me. But maybe that’s my way of holding off from moving forward. If I stay in the “work in progress” phase I’ll never have to face anything.

I think if someone I was intensely attracted to asked me out I would say yes. But maybe that’s not true. Sometimes, I want love so much that I think I won’t be able to stand not having it at this very moment, but some days I quiet the want, bury it enough so it doesn’t ruin my day.

I could spend two years, twelve years, or twenty years not doing the love thing in order to avoid discomfort. But, it’s comparable to staying on the bench forever because I’m afraid to get in the game.

Are you in the game? I’m ready to get my head in the game.

Fall Is the Best Time to Find Someone

October 19, 2018January 22, 2024 by Terri-Jane Dowin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Is cuffing season backed up by science?

According to Urban Dictionary, “Cuffing Season” is the time of year when people are more likely to look for relationships they can settle down into than looking for casual dating scenarios. As the weather turns cooler, staying cosy with someone is a more attractive option, with the added bonus of having someone to take to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year parties. Running from November until Valentine’s Day (when the cuffing becomes official, or when the weather warms up enough to start venturing out on dates again), we looked at whether this trend had any factual basis, and it turns out that actually… it does. Don’t worry, Cuffing Season doesn’t technically start for a week, so you’ve still got a bit of time to brush up on your science and get some potentials lined up.

Autumnal Aphrodisiacs

We all know that oysters and chocolate act as aphrodisiacs, but we’re well out of oyster season and a way off from Valentine’s Day, so what should we be looking out for in the meantime? Fall means that pumpkins are plentiful, and Jack O’Lantern is an oft overlooked aphrodisiac. Pumpkins are full of antioxidants, and their seeds are packed with zinc and magnesium. Together, those are great for raising testosterone, boosting blood flow, and upping libido. As well as pumpkin carving being a great date idea, the scent of pumpkin pie caused the highest levels of arousal in both male and female participants of a study by Chicago’s Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. Cinnamon also rated pretty highly, so autumnal scents really topped the test. Bring on Pumpkin Spiced everything!

Rare Flesh

With autumn comes the addition of what feels like an extra layer of clothing every day, but humans might actually be programmed to find each other more attractive as we get more covered up. Researchers discovered that a lack of skin on show in winter made women more alluring to men. Responding to stimuli, the male participants of a trial were more turned on in winter than they were in the summer. It may sound surprising, but those results suggest that the gents in question had become overstimulated to seeing bared bodies just three months earlier. The rumour that everyone looks better in a sweater actually has some truth to it, it would seem. We’re also of the opinion that more men grow beards in the cooler months (to keep their faces warm, we assume), and, like a sweater, every man looks better with a beard.

Don’t be SAD

The nights drawing in are one of the worst parts of the changing seasons. With lower light levels through the day, and darker mornings and evenings, levels of Seasonal Affective Disorder are on the rise. SAD symptoms can be alleviated with special light lamps, or a Vitamin D supplement, but research has also found that physical touch can also provide a massive boost to our wellbeing. As infants, touch is the first of our senses to develop, and science suggests that people who are touch-deprived are more likely to suffer with depressive episodes. Skin to skin contact is vital for humans to feel bonded with others, with benefits starting after just twenty seconds so all the more reason to snuggle up with someone.

Happy Hormones

The seasons have a huge impact on our hormone levels, with testosterone levels peaking – in both men and women – in fall. Studies show that testosterone in men can increase by as much as 31% in late fall and early winter, with sperm counts also rising after taking a dip caused by summer heat. In the US, the highest number of babies are born in August and September, as fertility levels for both men and women are at their peak in November and December. We’d suggest making sure your potential baby-mommy or -daddy have passed the Cuffing Season playoffs before testing out this particular scientific theory, though. Science hasn’t yet shown what it is about the changing seasons that triggers this boost in fertility, but it could be a combination of decreasing daylight, evolutionary survival techniques, and overindulging on the festive eggnogs.

2019: The Year You Manifest Your Love Life Into Existence

January 2, 2019January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Don’t leave everything up to fate.

How was your love life in 2018? Mine was, for the most part, quiet. Really quiet. Save for an unexpected vacation fling, I had a lot of solo time. I don’t lament over this – there were a lot of moving parts in my life: management changes at my day job, living alone for the first time, navigating mental health challenges….much of it felt like work I needed to do on my own. With the new year here, I think about the one thing I never plan for – my love life.

The start of the year is a natural time to consider wins and losses from the previous year. So I think about the things that went well for me in 2018:

I got out of my comfort zone. Casual sex interests me a lot less than it used to, so I don’t seek out hookups anymore. When I went to visit an east coast friend over the summer, I met someone. We hit it off really well, exchanged numbers, and saw each other one last time before I went home. I had a spectacular night and morning.. I causally follow my fling on Instagram, but it’s not that serious. And that’s okay. Because now, I’m thinking about all the things that would happen if I made more of an effort to do stuff I typically wouldn’t. I would certainly meet more people, or at least have some good stories.

I’ve been on a self-imposed app hiatus. I still prefer to encounter people IRL, but that doesn’t happen too often. So what’s the harm in getting back on Tinder (gulp) and scheduling a date? I’m not going on there to hook up, which may present some added challenges, but better than my go-to Friday night standard (i.e., wine and celebrity gossip channels. Yes, I’m that boring).

I wouldn’t say that my romantic life was a failure in 2018, simply because I didn’t set any goals.

Life overwhelmed me. If not for my summer fling, 2018 would have been a totally dateless and celibate year – not always a bad thing, mind you. But I know that’s not what I want for 2019. I know I want meet new guys – on dinner dates, dive bar hangouts, movie outings, and other low-key commitments. I don’t believe in setting deadlines on when to find the love of my life. But I do believe in timing. I do believe that things happen when they are meant to happen. I also believe that life only gives you as much as you put in, and I put very little towards my love life in 2018.

So, if you’re like me, thinking about ways to shake up your love life in 2019, I have some ideas:

Figure out your long-term dating goals.

Just because you’ve been single for a while doesn’t mean you don’t want to get married someday. It doesn’t mean you don’t want to build a family with someone. As a woman who’s used to being single, I get stuck in the mindset of “I may be single forever. And that is ok.”

Is it really okay for me? Living alone is great right now, but I don’t want to live alone forever. Buried in layers of practicality lies a soft romantic inside of me. Get real with your inner romantic and get real with your hopes and dreams. Sometimes just writing out the love you want for yourself will make it feel more real.

After that, you can set clear goals for yourself next. They don’t have to be time-sensitive, like “find a boyfriend by June.” Good luck with that. But they can be smaller, more attainable things. Like go on a date a month. Or sign up for a foreign language class. Or fit more sessions at the yoga studio into your calendar. These are all measurable things, and things that will get you to meet more people.

All goals don’t have to involve meeting people. Look inwards too. If you have some personal baggage that’s been holding you back, work on that. Find a therapist online or in-person. Reflect on past relationships and the mistakes you won’t make again. Therapy has forced me to be honest about the love that I want for myself, but don’t feel like I deserve (ouch). Working on personal hang ups will only make you a better person – and romantic partner — in the long run.

The universe listens to us when we’re proactive about what we want. Love is all around us. We just have to prioritize it. One of my favorite self-love affirmations is “I Choose Love.” Remember that in 2019. Choose love more often.