being single Archives

How to Enjoy Being Single During the Holidays

December 3, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

This year, I decided I would do something a little different over a holiday. For Thanksgiving, my family celebrated the weekend before. Since I didn’t have in-laws or a boyfriend’s family to visit, and had 5 days off from work already, I decided to take a vacation.

And I vacationed all by myself.

Instead of sitting at home over the holiday thinking of places I’d like to visit one day with a spouse, possibly feeling sorry for myself, or shopping for things that I didn’t need, I decided to take a trip.

I put my money towards an experience and memories that would last longer than any Black Friday purchase.

It was my first trip by myself. To say I was anxious about the details would be an understatement, but I bought my tickets, got to my destination, and had a great time!

I went sightseeing, saw some theatre shows, wrote and read in my hotel room with a view of mountains and the downtown lights below, and enjoyed the little luxuries of a really nice hotel. I was mindful about traveling around by myself, checked in with my family daily, and was able to get some great deals with smart planning.

The ability to do what I wanted to do and go where I wanted to go, on my own schedule, was a nice change and made for a great trip!

I gained more confidence in my season of life and myself. And it kept me in tune with God’s constant hand of protection over me.

In the past, I’ve gone through different phases of how I feel about being single during the holidays. The truth is, I’ve been single for the majority of Christmases I’ve celebrated.

Looking at it one way, this gives me freedom to do what I want with my time. It’s a sweet time. A time to have “extra” downtime with my family and friends while others may have more obligations to celebrate with their “other half’s” side.

It can also be a time that highlights the fact of singleness. It’s hard being by yourself without a romantic interest to share in the holiday with. That is why it’s so important to accept the love, covering, and companionship that God brings our way.

It might not be romantic, but it can be even more fulfilling.

So this Christmas, if you find yourself unsure of how to move forward through the holiday, here are some tips for making the best of it in during your “season” of singleness:

1. Love on your family and friends.

Your family, as colorful, small, or big as it may be, is important. God gives us the greatest commandant which is to love the Lord our God and secondly to love our neighbors as ourselves. So love on your family and friends! Enjoy the moments you have with them this Christmas. We aren’t promised to have them with us next year, so make this year count.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35 NIV)

2. Answer the infamous “Are you seeing anyone?” question with grace.

Sure, when you feel like you’re standing in front of a target range with a big flashing arrow pointing down above your head that says “SINGLE” on it, it can feel a bit overwhelming. And yes, sometimes the question can strike a chord. But remember this: The majority of the time people are just asking to ask. It’s not malicious. So check your heart. Make peace with your life as it is this Christmas. Try to answer with grace and a smile and remember the blessings you do have.

3. Do something different. Get out of your comfort zone!

I’m not saying to skip your family time, but if you have a chance to take a trip during your time off and do something you’ve wanted to do, you should go for it! If the idea of going anywhere alone seems sad or depressing, by all means, grab a friend or two and go together!

4. Remember that many people are lonely. Not just you.

It can be easy to live in a bubble during the holidays. To get on Facebook and see picture perfect scenes and think you’re the only one lonely this year. But remember that whether you’re single, married, divorced or widowed, anyone can be stressed, anyone can be lonely, and everyone needs love!

And when it’s all said and done, the main reason for Christmas, the get-togethers, dances, and dinners are rooted in the only important fact: The birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ!

Keeping in mind that Jesus truly is the “reason for the season” can put your own “season of life” in perspective.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Best New Year’s Resolutions of Single Ladies

December 29, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

Callin’ all the single ladies! It’s that time of year again.

Time to wipe the slate clean and get a fresh start on a new year. So let’s ditch those bad habits… you know the ones… and set your NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS!!!

Happy New Year!

Curated by Erbe
Original Video

Finding Your Ho, Ho, Ho this Holiday, When You’re Single

December 20, 2016January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Happy Holidays, Fellow Single Folks!

Ho, ho, ho …. you’re alone!!! Do you ever feel like the holidays put a great, big, exclamation point on the sad fact that you currently aren’t with anyone? Does all that mistletoe, tinsel, and Christmas cheer make you feel all kinds of lonely? Yeah. Me too. Whether you are divorced, single, nursing a broken heart, or even widowed, like me – the holiday season can really do a number on your ability to feel joy. In fact, it can be downright depressing.

But it doesn’t have to be. Sure, singing Christmas carols and harmonizing by yourself, or making a gingerbread house for one, doesn’t sound like loads of fun – but there are ways that you can turn the holidays from a time of “woe is me” to a time of something special and meaningful. And perhaps even have some fun and do something a bit different in the process. Really. All it takes is thinking a bit outside the box. Here are a few ways to have a purposeful, meaningful, joyful holiday – while being single:

Get Outside:

Maybe in past years, you have done the same tired thing, over and over and over again. Perhaps its time to change it up, do something new. If you’re single, guess what? You don’t have to answer to anyone, so if you feel like spending Christmas week in a casino, seeing a Broadway show, or on a beach in Florida, who says you can’t? Sure, you’ll still be alone and single, but suddenly that doesn’t seem so awful with a coconut rum drink in your hand while floating along in a pool. Also, when you do something completely different and new with your holiday, think of all the stories you’ll have for the rest of your friends and family. They might even end up being jealous, and that’s always fun.

Start New Traditions:

So you watch “A Christmas Story” on a loop, every Christmas Eve, every single year, for your entire life. That doesn’t mean you have to keep doing that until the end of time. If you want to do that, then great. But sometimes all it takes to feel new joy is a little bit of change. If you normally have hot cocoa with marshmallows, be a rebel and switch to whipped cream! Perhaps you could even gather together with other single friends, and together, create a lovely holiday dinner or evening, complete with your own brand new traditions. The good thing about new traditions, is that they feel very personal, because YOU created them. And now, you already have something to look forward to next year!

Help Out:

It is very easy to get caught up in all the ways that your own life kind of sucks during the holidays. One good way to help take the focus off of that for awhile, is to find ways to give to other people whose lives probably suck a lot more than yours does.The Thanksgiving after my husband’s death, I volunteered at a women’s shelter serving food for the holiday. The people there were so nice and so appreciative of everything, it took my mind off my own stuff for awhile, and it also helped me to engage in something that was far outside my own life circle. I actually had fun, and ended up doing more things like that going forward.

Be a Kid, Play with Kids:

Just because you’re officially an adult, that doesn’t mean you have to be serious all the time. Children love the holidays, because they get to be kids and just have fun! Who says you can’t do the same? If you have kids in your family, play with them. Build a snowman together. Build a fort. Make Christmas cookies. Make silly videos on Instagram and make each other laugh. If there are no kids in your life (I have a niece and nephew, so it’s always fun to be silly with them), bring back the kid in YOU, and have some fun this time of year. Go sledding, or snowmobiling. If you’re in a warm climate place, take a swim or a stroll.

Whatever you decide to do this holiday season, being single isn’t the end of the world. Yes, it can be sad and it can certainly be frustrating when everyone around you seems to be part of a couple. But, if you can focus on the celebration of love in all it’s forms – the holidays will start to become much more enjoyable.

So Happy Holidays, Fellow Single Folks! Here’s a toast to you, in all your awesomeness!

5 Surprising Benefits of “Friends with Benefits”

June 1, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin Sex

If you’re not laughing and having fun together, then you’re not doing it right.

Summer time is just about here, and I have kicked up my dating activity a few notches or so. For the past year, I have been on a couple of dating sites, with mixed results. A lot of endless conversations that go nowhere, a LOT of first dates that don’t turn into second ones, a lot of guys who ‘just want something casual” (i.e., to sleep with me once, and then ignore me forever – no thank you), 2 short-lived relationships, and a couple of dates that turned into friendships. So, while ultimately, I am looking for the real thing – love – I am quickly finding out that this dating thing is a numbers game. It might take a long time for me to find “the one” who is out there for me. I used to be very impatient about that. Now, I am still a bit impatient, but I am trying to change my perspective and take this opportunity to meet a whole bunch of interesting (and sometimes not) new people. There has also been a lot of kissing, which I have no complaints about. So in the meantime of love coming along, I am taking a positive outlook, and just having fun.

One of these ways to “have fun” in this dating world, is to start a ‘friends with benefits” situation. Now, I’m pretty sure that everyone below age 90 knows what friends with benefits, or “FWB” is, but just in case you have been living under a rock for the past few decades, and there’s no Wi-Fi under that rock so you don’t have any internet access – “Friends With Benefits’ is the term for when two people who are friends, decide to start sleeping together. Now, hopefully you have figured out by now, that the “benefits”, is the wonderful sex that takes place between the two agreed upon parties. Now, I will not pretend that finding the perfect person to have a “FWB” situation with is easy. It’s not. It’s complicated. It is very easy to screw this up. A lot of factors have to be there, in order for this to work. First, you have to both be friends with one another, and also be attracted to each other. Also, you both have to be single at the same time. Most importantly, neither party can have stronger feelings for the other, because once sex gets involved, there is always the danger of falling in love with this person. So you have to be pretty confident that this person is someone you love as a friend, and respect, but that you won’t find yourself confusing intimacy with actual love. So, if all of these parameters are in place, and both parties agree that this is something they would like to do, it can be pretty damn enjoyable. And very satisfying.

My First Friends With Benefits Tryst

Recently, I was texting with a guy I had met a couple of months back on one of the dating sites. We had gone out on 2 or 3 dates together, and although there was definitely chemistry and attraction there, for reasons too boring to get into here, we ultimately decided that a long-term relationship probably wasn’t in the cards for us. So we decided to stay good friends, because we do like each other. And then one night, we started texting back and forth about our turn-ons, and just sort of being lightly flirty with each other. And then he said: “You know, it would probably be really good if we ever slept together.” And then I found myself saying: “I could go for that.” To which HE said excitedly: “Really???” To which I said: “Hell, yeah. Friends with benefits. I’m single right now. You’re single right now. Why not?’ And our FWB was born. A few days ago, we had our first ‘tryst’, when he picked me up and invited me to spend the afternoon at his home. We had a really great time, and plan on doing it again fairly soon. So, if you can find the right person for this, and it is tricky to do that, it can truly be a blissful thing. Here are 5 reasons why:

1-SAFETY AND MUTUAL RESPECT

Sure, one night stands can be hot, in theory. In reality though, having sex with a total stranger that you just met and don’t really know at all, is actually potential for something quite dangerous. You could be dealing with a stalker or a creep, or someone who might force you to do things you aren’t into doing, or just someone who doesn’t share the same turn-ons as you do. This is one of the great benefits of FWB. When you are friends with the person you are about to sleep with, you actually care, really care, about what turns them on, and what doesn’t. My friend and I spent the couple of weeks before our tryst, texting and calling each other to find out more about what the other likes. He flat out asked me: “Okay. So tell me everything that turns you off, so that I don’t do anything you don’t want to do.” We told each other: “This is what I like. This is what I don’t like.” (We found out that we both hate feet, which was humorous.) We started to build up the foreplay for weeks, sharing sexy images with each other through texts. It was lovely, and very arousing. So when it came time to get to the fun part, it was wonderful. Having sex with a friend is a great feeling, because the entire tone is always filled with respect, and you know and trust each other, and when you know this person would never bring harm to you, then you are willing to open up even more, and be more adventurous in bed. Which, for me, is something I could never do with a total stranger.

2- NO STRESSFUL RELATIONSHIP EXPECTATIONS

This might be my favorite part of the FWB thing. Yes, being in a committed relationship is a wonderful, beautiful, and lovely thing. But there is something to be said for just having some intimacy, simply because it feels good and feels nice. And not having to feel guilty about that. It is pretty cool when you are comfortable enough with each other to get vulnerable and get naked, but you don’t have to think about ‘where your relationship is going” with this person, or how you can’t stand their mother and that will never change, or whatever else. FWB takes all the stressful parts that sometimes happen as a result of sleeping together, out of the equation. It’s a truly beautiful thing.

3-YOU ALREADY KNOW EACH OTHER’S “STUFF”

Friends have most likely, at some point, had long talks about each other’s pasts and insecurities and whatever else. In this case, my friend knows that it had been 7 months since I had slept with someone. He also knew that I am not in good shape and overweight, and that I feel extremely self-conscious about him (or anyone) seeing me naked. He also knows that I have been through a sexual trauma, and so there are certain things in the intimacy department, that are ‘triggers” for me, and bring me right back to that night. So he knew to stay away from those things, because it would not be a fun experience for me. Because we are friends, we had discussed all of this leading up to our afternoon delight, and it made a huge difference. I also knew things about him, which I won’t say here in order to protect his privacy. By knowing these important things about one another, it made the sex so much more carefree and open. We were both able to fully relax into it, and into the knowledge that we had each other’s backs.

4- You Can Discuss PRE-GAME

When getting ready to have sex with someone you don’t know well, (one night stand situation or just casual sex with a date) you are probably much too nervous and anxious to include laughter as part of the equation. And when you are being intimate with someone you are in love with and in a relationship with, sometimes that can turn into a lot of intensity that makes the sex feel very heavy and serious. And that is great. But there is something to be said for sex that is just really FUN. The kind of sex where you are turned on and being silly, at the same time. Where you can laugh easily, and just generally be at ease throughout the event. Our tryst this past weekend, and everything leading up to it, was very much this way. A few days before our intimacy, I started to get really nervous. So I decided to just tell him that. I sent a text saying: “I’m really nervous.” He asked me why, and I said “because its been awhile, and also I don’t feel comfortable naked. I don’t feel sexy or attractive right now.” He assured me that he would do whatever it took to make me feel wanted and sexy, and that he would do whatever I needed to help me relax. So that morning, I sent him a text, which was basically a list of what I required in order to feel relaxed and less self-conscious. First, I didn’t want to be naked and show all my fat and stomach rolls, so he suggested that I go in his bathroom once we get to his house, and change into whatever makes me comfortable. I decided on a long thin button down black sweater, and undies. Next, I told him to please put the air-conditioner on in his bedroom, because I didn’t want to be sweating profusely while being intimate. That is NOT sexy. Then, I asked him to please pull down the shades and make the room as dark as he could. Lastly, I wanted a shot or two of whiskey before we began. Our text exchanges when coming up with all of this, was beyond hilarious. He adhered to all of my demands, while also making funny as hell comments in the process. “I have a liquor cabinet, and I’ll make you whatever drink you like, but I have to say no woman has ever required downing shots before bedding me.” When we walked into his bedroom, he shivered and said: “Jesus, it’s freezing in here!” Then he made comments asking me if it was dark enough for me, and that if he made it any darker, we wouldn’t be able to see what the hell we are doing. I couldn’t stop laughing, and this set the tone for the afternoon, which was equal parts very hot, and also extremely fun. And because he was kind enough and patient enough to put up with my weird requests, which I thanked him for multiple times, I WAS very relaxed, and I had such a great time. I joked with him about how hilarious it is, the things a man will do, in the pursuit of getting laid. “You ain’t kidding’, he laughed back. Personally, I think sex should be a ton of fun. If you’re not laughing and having fun together, then you’re not doing it right.

5- AFTERWARDS, A DINNER DATE

So after being in bed all afternoon, and having multiple orgasms, courtesy of my awesome friend, he turned to me and said: “I’m starving. I’m taking you out for dinner.” Who is a fat girl to argue with a nice dinner? So, he chose a really nice steakhouse, and off we went. He ordered prime rib, and I had one of the best Rib-eye steaks I have ever eaten in my life. Salads, dessert, wine, champagne, and wonderful, post-bliss conversation. I got to enjoy myself for an entire day, with someone I respect and truly like, and I didn’t have to feel like I had sacrificed any integrity or self-respect to do it. In fact, it felt good. It felt well-deserved. It felt great. We were proud of ourselves, and we were happy. The best part of great sex with a great friend, is this: We held our glasses in the air, and we made a toast. “Cheers. To us. To feeling awesome. And to a successful afternoon. We had a good day.”

I can’t wait to do it again.

Next time, I might even let him keep the lights on.

And I’m definitely ordering lobster.

Being Alone Doesn’t Have To Be A Prison Sentence

August 29, 2017January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Love is a many-splendored (and multifaceted) thing. But unrealistic definitions of it are really to blame if you’re single and sad.

I’m a card-carrying member of the singles club. The combined time I’ve spent in a relationship is about a year. I’m only 25 so it’s not a massive deal, but it is real. In my lonelier months, it sucks to be in “Couplesville,” which can seem to be any and everywhere. Like many millennials, I am an avid googler, and occasionally “I’m single and sad” will be a frequent search result.

I’m not alone; more people are living the single life than ever. The US Census Bureau reported 107 million single adults in 2015, about 45 percent of the US adult population. That’s a sharp jump from 1950, when married adults outnumbered single folks by nearly double.

There are a number of possibilities to explain why this is. We live in a less conservative America now. Women have more economic and professional autonomy. But could it also be that our ideas on love are changing?

The kind of love we often see in media is simply not real.

However, less Americans getting married doesn’t mean that our deep-seeded, cultural ideas about love disappear overnight. Giants like Disney sell us the song-and-dance of romance, skimming around the fact that romantic love as we sell it isn’t accessible for everybody. And cultural norms often make it much tougher for anyone seen as not conventionally attractive (which includes but is not limited to people who have physical disabilities, are overweight, subvert gender binaries, aren’t light-skinned or thin) in their quest for a life partner.

But love is hardly impossible, especially if we broaden its definition.

Deep friendships can be just as rewarding.

Women like Diane Keaton, Condoleezza Rice, and Shonda Rhimes are proof of a robust life sans partner. They have their various reasons for singledom of course, but I’m positive they’ve reaped the benefits of platonic love. We all have.

The first love we ever experience is within the family. Then after the family, within friendships. Do you remember your first friend? Back when the only expectations you had were to see each other semi-regularly and share toys? As feminist scholar bell hooks says her book, in All About Love, “…friendship is the place in which a great majority of us have our first glimpse of redemptive love and caring community. Learning to love in friendships empowers us in ways that enable us to bring this love to other interactions with family or with romantic bonds.”

Friendship love is long-lasting and more flexible than typical romance. You’d be hard-pressed to love someone halfway across the world, who you only contact via email and Skype, and maybe see 2-5 times a year and make it work romantically. On the other hand, I have several friendships that ascribe to the above factors.

It doesn’t mean children are out of the equation.

Platonic love has that extra give, where jealousy, anger and expectations are tempered. No wonder “platonic parenting” is gaining popularity, where two or more people are raising a child together without a romantic relationship between the parents.

Of course, raising children outside of a two-parent, heteronormative relationship is nothing new or even particularly unique. In medieval Europe communal living was the norm; households often included widows, orphans, widows and friends in addition to parents with children. In an Israeli kibbutz, multiple families live communally, and children are raised together by a female caretaker. While not the norm among Israelis, kibbutzim has nonetheless existed for over a century.

This year, I visited a good friend of mine in New Mexico. They were part of a tight-knit and loving queer community, one where a pregnant woman could leave her partner and still know that her child would be cared for by a tribe of people. And now, that child is well-cared for by many members of that chosen family.

Love is love… even when it isn’t romantic.

Our meatiest feelings shouldn’t just be reserved for the romantic loves of our lives. It should be reserved for the people who make us feel most loved and most whole. Our friends, our blood family, our pets, and whoever else falls into that category.

For another look into an alternative view on love, check out this story about taking a “relationship hiatus.”

15 Exciting Holiday Adventures For Single People

December 11, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Single this season but still looking to have some fun? Here are some unique ways to enjoy yourself this holiday.

Isn’t the holiday season the best? Single or attached, I’ve always loved celebrating all the magic of this time of year. When I was single, I got a little more creative to assure I had a blast in December.

Here are just some ideas on how to have a wonderful time as a single woman this season.

1. Throw your own party.

I adore entertaining and have hosted a holiday party every year since I left college. When I was single, I adored getting to see all of my friends in one place. It was fun to catch up over cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. Pinterest has tons of party ideas to make sure your holiday party is the can’t miss féte of the season.

2. Take a staycation.

Chances are, where you’re currently living has plenty to offer. Take advantage of special holiday adventure hotel deals, spa treatments and more and book a staycation. Consider taking yourself out to dinner too. It may feel over indulgent or awkward at first but by simply taking a deep breath and relishing in the moment, you’ll begin to feel it.

What is “it” you may ask? Consider this, as a single woman you won’t have to worry about finding the perfect gift for your significant other or going through the stress of meeting his parents over the holidays.

3. Let loose at a holiday party.

You’re unattached, why not have some fun? Don’t feel bashful about going to a holiday party you’re invited to solo. Who knows, you may find the perfect person to steal a kiss under the mistletoe.

4. Start a new tradition.

Being unattached means you get to do what you want. Now is a great time to start your own traditions. Whether it’s grabbing a peppermint mocha and taking a walk to check out the Christmas lights, or ordering in Chinese and watching Christmas Vacation, embrace the chance to create memories all your own.

5. Reconnect with old friends.

When you’re home for the holidays, you don’t have to worry about entertaining a significant other. Instead, use the time to reconnect with old friends you’ve lost touch with. Not only will you be making personal connections again, there are also multiple opportunities for networking.

6. Volunteer.

Use the holiday downtime to consider volunteering at a local organization near you. If you’re feeling lonely or unfulfilled during this season, getting involved with a place you’re passionate about could work wonders.

7. Get to know your neighbors.

Apartment life can get lonely sometimes. Knock on your neighbor’s door this season and invite them to coffee or lunch. I mean, it did wonders for Leonard and Penny in The Big Bang Theory.

8. Get to know your city.

While everyone else is frantically figuring out what to wear for the ultimate holiday date night, you can have the opportunity to really get to know your city. Try that new restaurant or bar around the corner, or visit the museum you’ve always wanted to check out. Some holiday romance may be just outside your door.

9. Embrace hygge.

Hygge, pronounced “hygge,” is a Danish term that refers to a general sense of coziness and charm, whether alone or with friends, in your home or out. By embracing this philosophy, your solo holiday season may become just a bit brighter.

10. Take a holiday-themed class.

Look for classes on ornament making, wreath designing or cooking a holiday dish. Before you know it you just may turn into the next Martha Stewart!

11. Take your little nieces and nephews to visit Santa.

Relive your childhood with a trip to the mall to see Santa. Get nostalgic and jump in for a photo yourself!

12. Buy yourself a sexy new outfit.

You’ve given so many gifts this season, it’s time you treat yourself. Head to your favorite boutique or clothing store and pick out a sexy new holiday outfit for all the parties you’ll head to. Buy some lingerie to match too for some extra oomph.

13. Organize a holiday-themed girls’ night.

Get all your best girlfriends together and see a holiday movie (may I recommend Bad Mom’s Christmas?) and go out for drinks after. No boys allowed!

14. Visit your local ice-skating rink.

Unleash your inner Tara Lipinski and head to your local ice-skating rink with your best friends. Enjoy an evening under the stars, laughing as you glide over the ice and fall down a few times too. End the day with some spiked hot chocolate back at your place.

15. Host a tree-trimming party.

Visit your local Christmas tree stand and buy a tree to put up in your home. Invite all your friends over for a fun evening decorating your tree.

Stay positive as a single person this season with these fun holiday experiences.

Being single during the holiday season isn’t a sentence for six weeks of loneliness. The truth is, being single over the most festive time of the year is a great time to enjoy yourself, have fun and explore new opportunities and experiences. These ideas don’t require lots of time and money, just an open mind and lots of optimism during this sparkly season.

If you’re still feeling lonely, check out these tips on how to cope with the blues this season.

Here Are 15 Essential Tips for Dating in Your 30s

April 20, 2018January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Your 30s are an interesting decade and if you are single, we put together some tips on dating.

Whether you’re just getting out of a long-term relationship, divorcing, or seem to be perpetually single, dating in your 30s can often be tough yet eye-opening. So, we put together a guide for those who might need some extra dating help.

Don’t forget, we can help break through the noise of the dating world and streamline your success. Join LOVE TV today!

Here are 15 tips on dating in your 30s.

1. Don’t settle!

This is the number one piece of advice for women not only in their 30s, but any age. Your 30s in particular though are the in-between, often confusing decade. You are no longer a teen or 20-something but not quite an experienced 40-something. It’s important to remember that you never, ever have to settle. Everyone has been single at some point—you were a strong and independent woman then, why not now?

2. Don’t get too giddy about each new date.

I’m all for getting excited and optimistic about things (you should see me at Christmastime). However, with dating it’s important to stay calm and focused and remember to really think about whether or not you’re truly compatible with the person. Sure, there’s physical attraction, but know that will eventually fade. You’ll need to think about whether or not you can be best friends with that person.

3. Don’t get too hung up on your age.

If you’re 35, so what? Even if you’re approaching 40, who cares? Age is really just a number. I’m not saying date the first 18-year-old you meet, but remember that if you’re compatible with someone significantly younger or much older than you, it’s okay to go for it. You never know where the relationship will go.

4. Do use apps.

This one is for those getting out of long-term relationships. Chances are, your ex-husband or boyfriend was not met over one of the numerous dating apps out there. Now that you’re newly single, check out the options. I have known many, many people who have met over online dating apps and ended up married or in a wonderful, loving relationship.

5. Take advantage of work events.

Work is probably where you spend most of your time, right? Those happy hours or networking events are great places to meet people. Even if you’re not into anyone from work or don’t believe in dating someone you work with, you could meet a friend of a friend. That friend of a friend could be perfect for you!

6. You’re not as young as you were.

This may sound harsh, but it’s essential to remember that you might not want to meet someone at a bar. In your 30s, you may find the love of your life at the gym, in the grocery store or even waiting in line at the post office. Never lose the optimistic romantic views you once had in your 20s, but keep an open mind as to where you could meet someone.

7. It’s okay to be confused or on the fence about someone.

You may read about people feeling so confident or knowing exactly what they want in their 30s, but it is totally and completely fine to not feel that way. Not freaking out about your confusion is important. Just take things one step at a time.

8. Know what is make-or-break for you and stick to it.

If things like faith and family are important to you, stick to your guns. Same with any sort of values, be it political, drugs, alcohol, or just plain being kind to others. If someone you meet does something that is just not okay, don’t stick around just for the sex, or just to be in a relationship. It’s not fair to you or to them either.

9. Kids can complicate things.

This one is especially for those who’ve been previously married. If you ended up with kids and are now finding yourself single, just remember that dating can be hard. Many men can be scared that you already have kids or just plain don’t want them. It’s important to weed out those types of men and find one that you and your children especially adore and love.

10. Issues get heavier and darker.

As sad as this one is, be aware that the older you get, the more life happens to you. You could meet someone dealing with a sick parent or a parent that has passed away. Others can be dealing with health issues themselves, including things as serious as fertility problems to more everyday concerns like changes in diet.

11. Don’t be so set in your ways that you aren’t open to new experiences.

You swore you’d never date a Republican. You said your whole life you would never ever be in a relationship with someone who was a fan of your most hated sports team. Things like that are better off abandoned in your 20s. In your 30s, it’s crucial to be able to keep your mind open to new experiences and not become a curmudgeonly old biddy decades too early.

12. Nobody, and I mean nobody, is perfect.

Absolutely nobody is perfect and it’s so critical to remember this, especially in your 30s. You will never find a flawless man. After all, isn’t that what love is about—knowing and accepting a partner’s quirks and differences?

13. Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, but it’s okay to be vulnerable.

This may seem like contradictory advice. However, it is true. Don’t open yourself up to just anyone. As I previously mentioned, you may have more baggage in your 30s. Not being completely trustworthy of someone right off the bat is okay. At the same time, even if you’ve been hurt in the past, it’s okay to open yourself up to that vulnerability. It will be scary at first, but I promise it’ll be worth it.

14. Be aware you may be intimidating to younger men.

You may not have officially reached cougar status yet, but being aware that you may be a little on the terrifying side to young ones is an aspect of your age to remember. Embrace your age and use it to your advantage. Feeling sexier, more confident and beautiful is a great asset to being in your more experienced 30s.

15. Have fun!

Last but not least, life is short. Have fun dating. If anything, you will have some wonderful, hilarious stories to share with friends and loved ones.

Looking for ways to meet people besides dating apps? Check out this piece.

I’m Not Dreaming Of A Summer Fling This Year (And I’m OK With That)

June 20, 2018January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS, Sex

The joys of summer extend beyond romance.

It’s hard not to romanticize summer. I hail from Chicago, where the winters last six months, and the first 90 degree days of the season have everyone wistful. We’re eager to break out a cold beer on a stoop, and excited to indulge in hormonal urges.

Some of us, newly single, decide we’re going to be adventurous this summer. The rest of us, long single, dust off our dating profiles on the quest for a summer fling.

I fell into the latter camp. Summer always seemed to bring out a new resolve: I’m going to have amazing sex. This body is too young, soft and supple to not be appreciated by someone else.

Two summers ago I discovered a new-found freedom in going on dates, meeting new people, and enjoying the physical experience before moving on. I didn’t want that summer to end. I’m sure I did other notable things that summer, but when all was said and done I thought, “Yes! Flings are what summer is about. I’m taking full advantage of my youth!”

Last summer, I did no such thing. The summer began with a tryst with a longtime friend, followed by lots of weird sexual tension. And, being 1000% honest with myself, I’d hoped it would become more than a one-time thing.

I entertained the thought of a summer-long friends-with-benefits type of deal. Instead I got lots of broken expectations, mixed signals, and poor communication. Things only worsened when this “friend” left me very drunk at a concert, so intoxicated I woke up in a hospital the next day.

Summer love isn’t a unique phenomenon. There are films, books, songs, beers, 60s counterculture movements and New York Times articles devoted to the topic. I wonder why nothing captivates public attention like the promise of a summer romance.

It could be that the weather puts everyone in a better mood. People are leaving their homes more, people are bearing more skin. Maybe we are more gung-ho about meeting new people and going on new adventures.

There’s nothing wrong with being excited for summer flings. They can be fun, exhilarating, and offer a new perspective. It’s only a problem when you build a summer fling to be the pinnacle of your summer.

For me, last summer’s “fling gone awry” is what I remember the most. Not the other amazing things that happened – like the fact that I received a significant promotion at my job, or that I was starting to get freelance assignments for the first time. I was even published in a book!

It was learning that someone I considered a good friend, at some point, is actually not the best person. The goals I achieved that summer were dwarfed by my cocktail of negative emotions surrounding that situation. It’s silly to give someone else the power of “messing up your summer,” so I’m not going to do that this year. This year will be amazing!

I’m not discouraging anyone from being excited about hookup or romance potential, but I am encouraging everyone to be excited about other opportunities for personal growth. Make some exciting travel plans. Take a new class, learn more about your professional industry. Embark on a personal project for fun. Read more books. Make goals for yourself and earnestly work toward them.

These are things you can control. Love and romance — not so much. That’s what makes love and romance exciting, but that’s also what can make it stressful.

There are many things I am looking forward too this summer. Such as: creating a business plan for the first time, going to some street festivals, taking full advantage of my new apartment’s proximity to the beach, working on long-abandoned essays, traveling to see childhood friends, and overall, making the best of my last three months of being 25.

If a fling happens, it happens. But there’s no way I’ll let my summer fulfillment depend on who I’m with or not with between the sheets.

Happy summer everyone! Don’t forget, LOVE TV is here to help with advice on all of your summer romances and help you find love for the summer and forevermore. Join LOVE TV today!

10 Everyday Places to Meet People

February 14, 2019January 22, 2024 by Kate Oczypokin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

When you’re single, it doesn’t have to be so hard to meet people.

At one point when I was single, I was always trying to figure out ways to meet people. I always wished I had ideas about easy, everyday places to meet. Often, I tried too hard at events that were meant to put people together romantically—speed dating, blind dates and more. I wanted a meet-cute like you saw in romantic comedies.

Here are 10 everyday places to meet people.

1. The grocery store

Next time you’re hurriedly rushing through the store, look up as you’re reaching for that piece of produce. You never know who may be grabbing an apple across the aisle who may be your future boyfriend or girlfriend. If you’re short, it’s fun to scope out a cute man or woman taller than you to coyly ask to grab an item on the top shelf.

2. A friend’s birthday party

I’ll be honest, sometimes in your 30s you are just too tired to be social on weekends. I know I find myself occasionally saying no to invitations just because I’d rather stay home and be cozy. Next time a friend invites you out to another friend’s birthday party go for it! You’ll never know who you’ll end up meeting.

3. At the gym

I know there’s always someone or something happening at the gym. When I was single, I never had the nerve to speak to anyone to commiserate about it! I often will text a friend about ridiculousness like a woman walking on the treadmill barefoot. Next time, joke around with the guy or girl at the wipes station.

4. At the dog park

If you always bring a book or are constantly looking at your phone while letting Fido run around, put down the phone. Wander over to that cute guy leaning against a tree laughing at his dog tumbling after a tennis ball. Bonding over pets is a great way to get to know someone.

5. Get to know your neighbors

How often do you smile and say a polite hello to your neighbors but never actually engage in conversation? One of my favorite things to do is get to know those who live on my floor. If you’re single, it’s a great way to get to know their friends and widen your social circle even more.

6. Host a party

One of my favorite things to do is entertain. My boyfriend and I love to tell people they are welcome to invite a guest. That way any friends who are single and looking have the opportunity to meet new people.

7. Work at your local coffeehouse

If you have a flexible job and can work remotely once or twice a week, head to your neighborhood coffeehouse for work. When I worked in an office, I used to leave my cube during some afternoons to work at the Starbucks down the block. While I did meet a lot of people, unfortunately no one resulted in a date. However, you never know who you may meet with your same taste in lattes that could turn into something more.

8. Eat dinner out alone

I get it, it can be super intimidating to go to a restaurant alone. I’ve done it a couple times in my life and it was one of the most freeing feelings I ever experienced. Striking up a conversation with your waiter or waitress or the person next to you at the bar could lead to deeper relationships.

9. Take a class

If you’ve ever wanted to learn a new skill, sign up for a class in your neighborhood. The year I turned 26, I vowed to learn some skills I always wanted to try—and finally get my driver’s license. I tried tennis, golf and driving lessons and quickly figured out I was terrible at all three. I did end up getting my license by 27 and meeting lots of new people in the process, so I still consider it a win-win situation.

10. Volunteer

If you’re passionate about a political candidate, get on their website and learn how to get involved. Meeting other like-minded people gives you a good chance of a successful relationship if things were to end up steamy later on, especially if your candidate wins their election.

Single and trying to meet someone new? Here are 10 everyday places to get inspired to make that connection.