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How to Turn Her On With a Sensual Massage

You know that feeling you get at the end of a long week where your whole body is just exhausted? What if we told you there was a way to fix that AND get intimate with your partner? Sensual massage is a great idea for couples looking to unwind while also getting a little sexy. In these 7 easy steps, you’ll get rid of her knots while getting her in the mood for love!

Step 1: Set the scene
Set the scene for her full body sensual massage by finding just the right spot and putting sexy music on the sound system.

Step 2: Warm things up
Light some candles and warm a bottle of massage oil in a bowl of hot water. Make sure your hands are warm, too!

Step 3: Begin the massage
Invite her to lie face down. Straddle her, rub a few drops of oil between your hands, and begin massaging her shoulders. Use the flat of your hand, fingers pressed together, to give even strokes.

Tip
If her shoulders are tight, loosen them by rubbing them with one of your elbows.

Step 4: Move back down
Move down to her feet, giving each one a good rub before working back up her legs to her thighs.

Tip
Lightly trace a triangle on each inner thigh, from a few inches below her pubic bone to the inside of her knee. This is an erogenous zone.

Step 5: Stroke her bottom
Stroke her butt, using your thumb to gently massage the sacrum, the area just above the crease of her buttocks — a spot that will really turn her on.

Step 6: Turn her over
Turn her over, pour a few drops of oil on her stomach, and gently stroke her belly, moving up toward her breasts.

Step 7: Give her a happy ending
Now that you’ve turned her on, give her a happy ending. With any luck, she’ll return the favor.

Did You Know?
Massage soothes people by lowering levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

How to Date Today: A Guide for Every Generation

My mother is a baby boomer.  She’s from a different generation of ideas about love and dating- she was a virgin when she married my Dad, and in dating, she expects to be courted, with flowers and formal plans. Recently, she had a long-term boyfriend that my sisters and I talked her out of marrying, because although she didn’t really want to, that’s what she thought she was supposed to do.   

Mom: “But I’ve been seeing him for months, and everyone in town can see when his truck is parked outside my house!”

Sisters: “WHO CARES?  You don’t have to get married unless you really want to!”

Mom: “But I go to church!”

My middle sister and I are Gen-X.  We can remember dating in personal ads, when you would try to find someone with the same taste in movies and food and never see their face until the first date.  My sister was in an eight year relationship where she wore nothing but flannels and ironic baby tees.  We don’t have my mother’s reservations about living in sin- our generation has been known to live together for several presidential terms before considering marriage.

My baby sister is a Millennial.  Her generation has never dated without the internet.    All of their jobs involve social networking.  They do not seem to know how to have a relationship, even if they want one.  They only know how to hook up.  They don’t plan ahead for dates, when they have a free hour they see who’s around.  They say that they’ll fall in love with the perfect person, but they’re not sure who that is.  They are not allowed to have body hair.  And their dating style is ruining it for the rest of us. 

The single serving date phenomenon has become a big part of the dating experience, at least in big cities.  Once you’ve had one date, that person is suddenly in competition with everyone else in a twenty mile radius.  As it turns out, even LA is not as big as people think it is- every rock show I attend is full of one-date men I have to avoid eye contact with.   People are simply not being born or imported fast enough to be rejected by us!  The most popular breakup method is the “fade-away”, where after two or ten dates you slow, then eliminate contact.  It’s not just people in their twenties and thirties- I went on a couple dates with a fifty year old man whose longest relationship was shorter than his Audi lease, and he felt that this was extremely normal.

Young Couple Kissing In Restaurant

So far, I have had 50 first dates on OK Cupid and have had three relationships.  Some people were looking for relationships and some were not, and those aren’t terrible numbers, but now that my Mom is in the game, she calls me to crow about her account. 

“I have three dates this week, and your sisters don’t have any!”  I told her I was very proud that she was the hot piece of action in our family.

6 Ways to Awaken the Tantric Lover Within You

We are all born Tantric lovers, because we are all born as divine, loving pure presence.

When most people think of Tantra, they think of the Kama Sutra and a host of awkward sex positions that seem unattainable even to the well-practiced yogi. Many think Tantra is all about sex.

Yes sexuality is a part of Tantra, because Tantra is Love; Tantra is Life. So sexuality obviously falls under this broad category.

Tantra is love. Tantra is connection, presence and conscious relating to one’s self and to another. Tantra combines spirituality and sexuality as a platform to deepen into self-understanding and empowerment, and is a sacred path walked by many.

Living a Tantric life unveils gateways to balancing and integrating our masculine and feminine energies, in order to feel whole again. To feel connected to our truth and infused with copious amounts of love and acceptance. A Tantric life allows one to see the divine and sacred in every living being and experience.

Exploring Tantra also creates space to shine light and heal shame, guilt and suppression — embedded in our society around our sexuality, where the seat of our personal power and creative gifts lie.

So how does one become a Tantric lover?

Bringing Tantra into your life means inviting in more love and presence. And yes, this includes your sex life as well.

Below are six tips on how to infuse the sacred in the bedroom and awaken the Tantric Lover within:

1. Think of love making as a sacred ritual.

Shift your perception from “having sex” to “making love and co-creating with the divine.” Set up your bedroom as a sacred space; a temple. Create an altar in your bedroom with things that are special to you both; things that support the growth of each other and the highest good of all. Add special photos of the two of you, sacred books or other objects for manifestation purposes. Light candles and burn incense. Create a beautiful, nurturing and sensual space.

2. Meditate and set intentions before love making.

Before engaging in love making, take time to sit in meditation together while facing each other. Call forth your highest selves and offer your bodies up to a higher power. Imagine energy forming around the two of you individually, as well as around the both of you. Envision a third co-creative field being created.

Set intentions for the journey together and ask yourselves what you want to offer up to the divine through this act of love making between your bodies. Set clear intentions — individually and collectively — for the relationship.

3. Commit to presence.

By committing to being 100% present with each another creates space for true feelings, vulnerability and honesty to unfold. This in turn, will allow you both to go deeper into your highest self and to your partner. Do not be afraid to be honest, with how you are exactly feeling.

Check in with your body, constantly asking what it wants and where it is at. For women: If your yoni is not yet wet, it is an indicator that your body is not ready to receive. Do not lie to yourself and go against the natural signals from your body. Continue to dive deeper into yourself to look for any blockages, barriers and resistances; for these will only allow you to open more.

Relaxing With Massage

4. Practice Tantric massage on your partner.

Take time to massage and worship each other’s body with full presence and awareness. Do not rush into the act. Use deep, slow and mindful massage. You may also practice a Tantric technique of yoni and lingham worship, by worshipping each other’s genitals.

5. Men: Learn how to hold your seed.

All ancient Tantric traditions encourage men to retain their seed. Spiritually, this allows the energy to flow back into the body upon orgasm and raise up the body through the chakras. This leaves the man feeling energized as opposed to drained after sex, for his energy is being retained and used for higher spiritual purposes. Men become more focused, clear and present as a result. Plus they can continue to make love for hours and hours…

6. Ditch any expectations and agenda.

The golden rule is to never have an end goal in mind. Goal-oriented sex; to reach a peak in orgasm, will leave you both disappointed and disconnected from one another in the present moment. Much like in life, when you have expectations you often miss what is actually in front of you and REAL.

Commit to the authentic deepening of your bond, rather than reaching a climax. And then once you make this mental shift, the climax will occur naturally, unexpectedly and even more intense.

Young adult nude couple. High contrast black and white

8 Ways to Increase Your Self Love

We spend so much time doing our best work on the outside — working on our bodies, careers, relationships, cooking skills and goals.

It’s just as important to spend time doing work on the inside — developing deep and lasting self-love, acceptance and compassion. The more we can make ourselves feel whole and worthy as individuals, the more we have to give to the world.

With this in mind, here are eight beautiful and effective ways to increase your self-love.

1. Practice self-care.

Get enough sleep to feel revitalized; attend a yoga class or go for a run; fill your fridge with healthy whole foods; drink plenty of water; and schedule in time for fun, adventure or relaxation. Value yourself enough to make self-care practices a regular part of your routine.Serene Young Woman Relaxation In Spa Salon

2. Use Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).

This is a healing tool where you tap on specific parts of your body while repeating a mantra or affirmation. If you’re feeling anxious or self-critical about a particular issue or problem, you can use EFT to release your negative emotional energy and re-establish inner calm and peace.

Use the mantra, “Even though I (insert your problem), I deeply and completely love and accept myself”.

The 12 Greatest Sex Symbols of the 20th Century

Everyone needs role models — people we can look up to and emulate such as world leaders, brain surgeons, architectural geniuses, mathematical wizards, artists, rocket scientists, writers … sex symbols.

Keeping up with Kim Kardashian’s naked body seems to be on everyone’s to-do list. (Why else would she pose in her birthday suit every other week if we didn’t LOOK?) Sex symbols are adorable. We have our favorites including Jessica Simpson, Kate Upton, Jennifer Lopez, Penelope Cruz and Gisele Bundchen, just to name a few.

For the record, we’re not just now discovering sex symbols. They’ve been around for centuries (most likely since 50 BC; think Cleopatra) so let’s take a look at some women who blazed the modern trail back in the 1950s, 60s and 70s when breasts became a national obsession and Playboy magazine was every man’s dirty little secret. Women have come a long way baby. BUT, men are still apparently driven by bosoms. So here are 12 original sex symbols we can thank for setting those booby traps (with one exception in the mix).

Marilyn Monroe
marilyn monroe sex symbol
Marilyn Monroe is an erotic-sex-symbol legend for good reason. Besides being featured in the inaugural issue of “Playboy” magazine, becoming their first “Sweetheart of the Month,” (changed to “Playmate of the Month thereafter) in the 1953 December issue of the (then) controversial magazine, the “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” actress became the first serious “dumb blonde.” Monroe’s beauty and sensual persona created quite the stir when she sang “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” to President John F. Kennedy at a celebration for his 45th birthday. Check it out here. Shockingly, the “Some Like It Hot” actress died on Aug. 5, 1962 at the age of 36.

Jayne Mansfield
jayne mansfield
Jayne Mansfield, who became one of Hollywood’s original blonde bombshells, also played up the “dumb blonde” image and became known in some circles as the “working man’s Monroe.” The popular 1950s/1960s sex symbol enjoyed success on the Broadway stage (“Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter?”) as well as in Hollywood movies (“The Girl Can’t Help It”). Fun trivia: “Mansfield claimed a 41-inch bust line and a 22-inch waist when she made her Broadway debut in 1955… She was known as the Cleavage Queen.” Married three times with five children (actress Mariska Hargitay is her forth child), Mansfield sadly was killed in a car accident on June 29, 1967 at the age of 34.

Raquel Welch
raquel welch
Raquel Welch was among the most iconic sex symbols of the 60s and 70s, which put her on the top of some pretty sexy lists: According to Wikipedia “Welch was chosen byEmpire Magazine as one of the 100 Sexiest Stars in Film History. Playboy Magazine named Welch no. 3 on their 100 Sexiest Stars of the Twentieth Century list. In 2011,Men’s Health Magazine ranked her no. 2 in its Hottest Women of All Time list.” The 74-year-old actress still struts her stuff on red carpets, serving notice that women in their 70s still rock!

Brigitte Bardot
brigitte bardot
It’s hard to believe that Brigitte Bardot, the former “sex kitten,” is 80! The sensual French model, actress, singer and animal rights activist became a high-profile sex symbol in the 50s and 60s largely due to her first husband, director Roger Vadim (who would later marry Jane Fonda), who showcased her in the 1956 movie “And God Created Woman.” Although the marriage didn’t last, her career did for many years,until her retirement from the entertainment industry in 1973. Some actresses are immediately recognized by their first names. Bardot was known by her two initials: BB.

Lana Turner
lana turner
Actress Lana Turner’s sweaters should have had their own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. The “Imitation of Life” actress was one of the first well-known beauties who made a fashion statement by wearing a tight sweater to showcase her bust line, thus earning the nickname “the sweater girl” (a nickname she reportedly detested).Turner capitalized on her curvy figure throughout her career. She was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Actress for her role in the 1957 film, “Peyton Place.”

Gina Lollobrigida
gina lollobrigida
This Italian actress, who was one of the highest profile European actresses of the 50s and 60s, wasn’t afraid to show off her full figure when a film called for a voluptuous actress. The 87-year-old actress appeared in films with the likes of Yul Brenner, Frank Sinatra, Rock Hudson, Anthony Quinn and Burt Lancaster. Humphrey Bogart once said: “Gina makes Marilyn Monroe look like Shirley Temple.” Momma Mia!

Ann-Margret
actress ann margaret
Ann-Margret has been described as both the “girl next door” and “sex kitten.” The 73-year-old actress, singer and dancer is best known for her roles in “Bye Bye Birdie,” “Viva Las Vegas” (where she and Elvis tore up the screen with sex appeal!), “The Cincinnati Kid,” and for one of her most voluptuous roles, in “Carnal Knowledge.” So, how sexy was she? She was once described as the “female version of Elvis Presley.” The red-head from Valsjöbyn, Sweden always spoke with a soft, sexy, demur tone that defined her massive sex appeal. Check it out here.

Elizabeth Taylor
elizabeth taylor
Elizabeth Taylor became one of the most famous film actresses of all time and was considered one of the most beautiful women to ever grace the big screen. Her sex appeal didn’t go unnoticed in movies like “Cat On A Hot Tin Roof,” and “Cleopatra.” Taylor was somehow able to pull off a combination of the strong woman image mixed with her vivacious on-screen sex appeal.

Sophia Loren
sophia loren
Was there a man in this universe who didn’t drool at the sight of this Italian sex symbol in the 50s, 60s and beyond? Her soft Italian accent just fueled the sensual sparks she emitted on screen and off. Her hourglass figure didn’t hurt her image either, and her acting talent made her sexy persona even more enticing. Loren earned an Academy Award for Best Actress in 1962 for the film “Two Women.” The sexy octogenarian is 80 and single. Gentlemen, start your engines!

Jacqueline Bisset
jacqueline bisset
Wet t-shirt Alert. Just in case you’ve forgotten who started the wet t-shirt craze, look no further. After wooing audiences in the late 60s/early 70s with various film roles, Bisset decided it was time to grab some serious attention from American audiences by swimming underwater wearing only a t-shirt for a top in “The Deep,” helping to make the film a box office success. Producer Peter Guber reportedly said, “That t-shirt made me a rich man.” That little stunt led many to credit her with popularizing the wet t-shirt contest.”

Ursula Andress
ursula andress
Honey. Honey Ryder. 1962 was her year. The “Dr. No” actress became the first “Bond Girl” and made her wet bikini screen entrance a sight to behold in what “became aniconic moment in cinematic and fashion history when she rose out of the Caribbean Sea in a white bikini sporting a large diving knife on her hip.” The bikini never had a better introduction, and we’re betting the 78-year-old actress could still make waves.

Farrah Fawcett
farrah fawcett
Finally. It was all about the hair! No one in the history of entertainment was more famous for a head of hair than Farrah Fawcett. The “Charlie’s Angels” actress became a household name in 1976 after taking on the role of Jill Monroe in the hit ABC TV series. And then there was The Poster! Pro Arts Inc. pitched the idea of a FF poster to the star’s agent, and you know the rest of the story. That poster went on to become the best selling poster of its time, selling over 20 million copies. Now that’s one sexy angel.


Curated by Timothy

Original Article

 

5 Ways Sex is Good For Your Health

There’s no denying that a good romp between the sheets feels great, but the good parts of sex extend beyond pleasure. Having regular sex has a number of health advantages, including lowering your risk of heart attack and easing away stress. So next time you and your significant other get the itch, just remember, it’s for your health!

1. Sex Helps Keep the Immune System Highly Active

Research has shown that People who have sex have higher levels of what defends your body against viruses, germs and other intruders. Researchers at university in Pennsylvania found that college students who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of the a certain antibody compared to students who had sex less often.

2. Sex Lowers Your Blood Pressure

There are mountains of data emerged in studies that say that there is a link between sex and blood pressure. One landmark study found that sexual intercourse specifically lowered systolic blood pressure. reduces Heart

Lovers

3. Sex Reduces Your Risk of a Heart Attack

Having an active sex life is beneficial for your heart. It not only raises your heart rate in a good way, but it also sex helps keep your oestrogen and testosterone levels in balance. When either one of those is low you begin to get problems, like osteoporosis and even heart disease. During one study, men who had sex at least twice a week were half as likely to die of heart disease as men who had sex rarely.

4. Sex Improves Women’s Bladder Control

Doctors say that a strong pelvic floor is important for avoiding incontinence, a condition that is will affect 30% of women at some point in their lives. Good sex is more like a workout for your pelvic floor muscles. Having an orgasm causes contractions in those muscles, which strengthens them.

5. Sex Eases Stress

Touching and hugging can release the body’s natural feel-good hormone. Sexual arousal releases a brain chemical that revs up your brain’s pleasure and reward system. Also, sex and intimacy can boost your self-esteem and happiness. Another important factor is that being close to your partner can soothe stress and anxiety.


Curated by Erbe

Original Article 

7 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Sexy

We’ll say it: After you’ve been with your S.O. for a fair amount of time, the glow wears off just a bit. You no longer feel like jumping him wherever there’s a flat surface and your sex life isn’t always super-steamy.

If you’re not careful, the word “monogamy” will eventually become synonymous with “ho-hum.” But, that doesn’t have to happen! There are totally ways to keep the fire o’ love burning for a very long while. The fine people at Men’s Health and Women’s Health have a few fabulous tips to make lust last in their “Big Book of Sex.” Here, we let you in on some of our favorites.

1. Rent a chick flick. Fun fact: Movies that are heavy on the romance raise levels of oxytocin, otherwise known as “the snuggle hormone.” A good rom-com will set the mood for a cozy, love-filled evening. Oh, and research from Kansas University shows that men love a good, sappy film, as well—not just the ladies. So, by all means, pop in “The Notebook!”

2. Don’t just say, “I love you.” It’s important to verbalize your feelings in other ways, too. A quick “Love you” as he’s headed out the door, or even before you hang up the phone, makes the phrase become a bit insignificant. Instead, show him your affection by using other words. Terms of endearment like “Honey” or “Sweetie” have the same connotation of affection. Also, let him know how much his gestures mean to you: “Thanks so much for filling up my gas tank yesterday. I really appreciated it.”

3. Change locations for making love. Mix it up. There is no designated area for getting it on, so why restrict yourself to the bedroom? Use the mirrors while getting hot and heavy in the bathroom, or even have a little outdoor sex—a whopping four out of five people surveyed said they’ve always wanted to try it. Um, what are y’all waiting for?

passionate young african couple kissing

4. Make out. Keep it simple and sweet, like you did when you were but a young teen. Restrict yourselves to 10 minutes of kissing only—with clothes on. Then, feel free to act more adult-like after you’ve set the mood. A hot make-out session will lead to even hotter sex.

5. Schedule sex. We’ve all been trained that you have to “be in the mood” to turn up the heat. That’s actually not true. Fooling around will get you in the mood, so feel free to set aside a place in your schedule just for you and your man. Everyone is busy, so it’s essential to create time for your sex life. It will keep you both happy and fulfilled.

6. Be open about your desires. A committed relationship is the one place you should be able to share your deepest secrets without fear of judgment or embarrassment. Have open conversations with your guy about any hot fantasies, let him do the same, then work together on making them happen. That way, you’ll both be satisfied between the sheets.

7. Have maintenance sex. It may sound less than appealing to get busy after a long day at work while the TV screams in the background, but frequent, run-of-the-mill sex is still that—sex. And it’s an important element for keeping the love alive. As Dr. Gina Ogden said: “This is the kind of sex that connects you and reaffirms your bond as a couple.” And that’s what you have to do, every day, to remain in love and in lust.


Curated by Erbe

Original Article

 

12 Special Qualities A Woman Has That Mean You Should Never Let Her Go

Every once in a while – on very rare occasions – we meet the woman of our dreams. It’s always unexpected and almost never at a convenient point in our lives, but she appears nonetheless and changes your life forever.

The dynamics between man and woman have been gradually changing for the past few decades, but the essence of the partnership basically remains the same.

We are designed by nature in a way that allows two such opposites to join and make a whole. Finding your other half is a journey of its own – usually a grueling one at that.

If you are lucky enough to find that woman, that rare sunflower growing on a barren desert, then do right by yourself and hold on to her as tightly as you can – never, ever let her go.

Not all of us were so wise when we met the loves of our lives… and believe me when I say that we’re regretting it. If she has any combination of these 12 qualities then you should never let her go:

1. She’s smarter than you.

Every man needs a smarter woman to help him get through life in one piece. They say that behind every great man is a greater woman – they aren’t lying. Without woman, man is little more than an ego-trip.

Enter a smarter woman into his life and suddenly that ego has a purpose, a direction, and the wisdom not to screw everything up.


2. She’s beautiful.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder – as long as you find her to be incredibly beautiful, according to your definition, then she is worth holding on to.

I feel that these days we have those that put too much emphasis on beauty and then those that are rebelling against the concept and giving little to no importance to beauty.

Beauty is something that has been reveled upon since humans had eyes; it’s not something that we should be ashamed of, but rather something we should learn to appreciate properly.


3. She’s kind and nurturing.

Good people are kind people. If she isn’t kind then she isn’t worthy of taking up a part of your life. Being a woman, being nurturing is very important as well. Some people may not want children.

In some relationships the man may be more nurturing than the woman. Nevertheless, women are born with/develop maternal instincts with age. If you wish to one day start a family then you want to be sure you found a woman who wants to be, and is suited to become, a mother.

Winter couple hugging


4. She’s vivacious.

Life gets difficult from time to time. It can get boring and monotonous just as well.

Women weren’t created to entertain men – if anything, it’s probably the other way around – but having a woman who is lively, energetic and hungry for adventure will add a dynamic to our life that will only make you happier.


5. She loves you with all her heart.

This is, by far, the most important quality any woman can have. When a woman loves you she loves you with her entire soul. It’s not the same sort of love that men experience – men always were and always will be more egocentric than women.

Women, on the other hand, have the uncanny ability to devote themselves entirely to the person(s) they love. If you find a woman that truly loves you then you found the greatest gift in the universe.


6. She’s willing to make compromises.

People are stubborn – both male and female alike. We like things the way that we like them and aren’t especially open to making changes we don’t deem necessary to make. However, relationships require making compromises.

It’s just the way things have to work if you want them to work. Finding a woman who will make compromises is only half the battle, however. You’re going to have to make them just as well.


7. She feels like home.

Being in love, deeply in love, is like finding your place in the world, your home, for the first time in your life. It’s knowing that you are exactly where you ought to be and that there is nowhere in the world you’d rather be.

If you look into her eyes and see your soul reflected in them, then you’re home. Don’t ever leave.


8. She is more than happy to tell you when you’re wrong.

Every man – and I mean every man – needs a woman who will call him out on his sh*t. Guys have an uncanny ability to make poor decisions and do stupid things.

Finding a woman who will keep you on track and tell you when you’re wrong can very well make or break your life.


9. She is strong, but feminine.

All people have a slightly different taste for the women they are attracted to – but they are all a combination of strength and femininity. A strong woman is a partner every man needs.

A feminine woman is… well, a woman. The two aren’t opposites. In fact, they are often one and the same – when found in a woman that knows how to hold her ground and be proud of who she is.

Summer couple holding hands at sunset on beach. Romantic young c


10. She’s passionate.

A life filled with passion is a life worth living. But living a life of passion alone is basically impossible. Passion exists between two living things – usually, in some way or another, between two individuals.

The beauty of passion is that it’s rather contagious. It’s the world’s most revered pathogen.


11. She’s driven.

I understand that some men want women to be stay-at-home wives. I also understand that there are plenty of women who want the very same. This sort of woman isn’t for me, but clearly some people are looking for just this.

Nevertheless, you still want a woman that is driven. If she wants to stay at home, cook, clean, and take care of the children, then make sure she’s the kind of woman that wants to be the best stay-at-home mom she could possibly be. Without drive, there is no purpose.


12. She means the world to you.

Sometimes we love a person beyond imagination and we aren’t sure why. To be truthful, you don’t really need a reason. If you love her and can’t imagine your life without her, then don’t allow yourself to lose her.

If she means that much to you, then understand that she means that much to you. Too often people don’t realize what the other person means to them until they lose them. We always think that there will be another chance, that it’s possible that the two of you will one day reconnect.

Maybe. But the opposite is also true. You may have lost her forever. You may suffer for years and years because you let go of the most important thing in your life. Don’t take the risk.


Curated by Karinna

Original Article

 

Prince Charming is Fired

Once upon a time there was a little girl who grew up surrounded by amazing female role models, was treated equally along side her brothers, had little to no ‘daddy issues’, excelled at school and was encouraged to follow her dreams. She grew up to be a strong, smart, confident woman who didn’t seem to have any problems with men. She seemed to be on track for a fairy tale kinda life.

In her 20s, things were going swimmingly. She was in a loving committed long-term relationship with a good man. She was doing what she loved and seeing the world whilst doing it. Boom!

Well, if she was honest with herself – as honest as one who has decided to write in the third person can be – it hadn’t been all roses.

In the tenth year of this relationship she looked about and realized she wasn’t really happy. She felt stuck. Trapped in her ‘castle’, if you will. She’d started to think things like ‘that’s what relationships are: hard work and compromise’. She wondered if she was even capable of being on her own. But the bottom line was she stopped seeing a future with this very good man. She had no idea when or how this happened, but it was her truth. She sat with it for a long time because you don’t just throw away ten good years on a whim.

In the end, she had to end it. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. It plunged her into a darkness that lasted a year or so. But deep in her heart she felt would find love again.

Slowly, she crawled out of the woods but ended up stumbling around in the relationship wilderness for what seemed like an eternity. There were numerous beginnings – each different and magical and full of potential – but nothing stuck. Each time she gave herself readily, eager for love and companionship, and each time – fizzle…

Being a reasonably self-aware sorta gal with a fondness for math analogies, she had to admit to herself that she was the common denominator here.  She was attracted to men who ultimately weren’t looking to be in a relationship.  But she continued to rule over The Kingdom of Singlehood because while she was aware of what she was doing, she seemed unable to cease.

Further insights came to her during her seven-year reign – ones to be shared in forthcoming tales – and she took solace in the fact that she was learning much about herself. But then came the kicker…

She can’t recall exactly how it came to her. She would love to mythologize the moment by saying it was during a particularly enlightened morning meditation but it was more likely birthed in the mundane action of scrubbing the bathtub, Cinderella style.

So here it is – the proverbial kiss to wake her from her slumber.

All this time, despite her being brought up to believe she could have, do and be anything a man could have, do and be, she had been waiting to be saved. She had been waiting for her knight in shining armor to swoop in and rescue her from her boring life. Waiting for someone to take her on adventures to other lands and make her their queen. Sure it looked like she was busy doing stuff – exciting stuff, even – but she would drop that in an instant to be swept up into someone else’s fabulous life.

It was an embarrassing truth to have uncovered. There was a torrent of tears and a tsunami of shame.  She, of all people, should know better than that. She who feared the damaging legacy fairy tales might have if told to her imaginary daughters. How could she let herself and all of womanhood down like that?

Whence the fog of self pity cleared, she had the clarity to say ‘Screw that! What exactly do I need saving from??’. The fact of the matter was her life was pretty darn good. She had lived in Sydney, London, Melbourne and now Los Angeles. She was still actively pursuing her youthful dreams. She had the most supportive, incredible  family and friends a girl could know. No more fantasy. No more living in wait.

Well, almost. She, of course, ran one last time into the arms of a jester who had been wooing her intermittently from afar with his words.  Someone with whom she had never lived in the same city but when they were visiting the same town – woah! But this was different ‘cos he had a soft spot for her adopted hometown and really, really wanted to live there too, so it was a possibility, right?

Needless to say, as the jester was from her murky past of picking unavailable men, she left their week-long dalliance devastated. Finally she saw what was actually in front of her. A complete fabrication. Once again, someone whom she had hoped would pluck her out of her life. She had a 14 hour flight to mentally compose the best ever ‘this is over’ email which she made real and pressed send upon her arrival home.

Twenty-four hours later, she met the man with whom she wants to spend the rest of her days. She is not naïve. She knows there will be ups and downs. The first few months of adjusting to sharing her kingdom was hella tough. (We’ll save that for another day.) And she also knows that so many other factors play into a fulfilling long-term relationship (again, other tales to share), not just deciding that holding out for a Prince, charming or otherwise, is a waste of a life.

But she is in love with a good man who is passionate, kind, supportive of her hopes and dreams and with whom she can be a goofball.

To Be Continued…

This Kiss Proves Love Has No Boundries

Have you ever joked that someone is acting “like a girl”? Or that they “look like a lesbian”? Or avoided making eye contact with someone you think is disabled? A new movement called “Love Has No Labels” explores the snap judgments we make in a beautiful PSA, which they launched Tuesday.

In the video, the audience sees skeletons kissing, hugging, and dancing with each other. The first couple seems totally in love; you assume one of the figures is a guy, because of his height difference, with his girlfriend. But when the couple emerges from behind the X-ray screen, they’re both women, and the crowd nervously laughs at its preconceived notions.

The “Love Has No Labels” website explains that while most Americans agree everyone should be treated in a respectful and fair manner, many of us report sometimes feeling discriminated against and accidentally discriminating ourselves. The “Love Has No Labels” project hopes to reduce unintentional discrimination, or implicit bias, by calling attention to the subconscious judgments we make every day.

“To end bias, we need to become aware of it,” the project states. “And then we need to do everything within our power to stop it. In ourselves, others, and institutions. The world will be a better place for it.”


Curated by Lesley

Original Article

 

Why Messy Sex is Okay

Over the last few years most public conversations about women and sex have focused on either the “He’s a stud; she’s a slut” double standard or, well, rape.

There’s no question as to whether these discussions should be taking place—they are essential to dismantling a culture overrun with sexual violence—but we lose something when negativity becomes the main lens through which we view female sexuality. We start seeing sex as an activity ripe for shame and harm, both physical and emotional. We also stop thinking about the joy.

Thankfully, there are some women out there committed to exploring the possibilities that lie ahead of us. These women are writing books and television shows that project a vision of sexuality that is truly for us, by us. Theirs is an eroticism that is stripped of that centuries-old sexism baggage—not to mention the female instinct to compare and contrast every detail of our intimate lives—and is just about us feeling good.

Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of the new book Come As You Are—yeah, that come—says that we’ve spent far too long talking about what kind of sex we are having, and how often we are having it, when we really need to be considering is what we actually like. “The thing we are not talking about enough is whether we are enjoying the sex we have,” she tells ELLE.com over the phone. “Not all sex feels good. Pleasure is not obvious. The more we focus on whether or not something feels good, the more we can transition to a more positive sexual experience for women.”

Nagoski says that one of the most important things for women to remember is that a satisfying sex life for one person does not necessarily a satisfying sex life for another make. We are all, hormonally, physiologically, and anatomically quite different, and we also evolve over time. Some women don’t experience spontaneous arousal, but end up getting really into it once things get going, while others have rich sexual fantasies and the urge to act on them. Both ways—and a myriad of others—can lead to fulfilling sex lives for women.

Hot young couple kissing outside on the stairs.

The one main mood killer getting in the way for women? Body hang-ups. And when we’re focused on how we look, we can’t let go and feel. “Your sexual response doesn’t just have a gas pedal, it also has a brake,” Nagoski says. When we start seeing ourselves from the outside, instead of feeling ourselves from the inside, the good feelings screech to a halt.

For Rachel Hills, author of the forthcoming book The Sex Myth, a better sexual future for women will only occur once we stop being labeled by our particular brand of sexuality. This means no more virgins, no more whores, and no more worrying about if we are too much of one or the other. “If this happens, it will open up possibilities for all of us,” she via phone. “We can have it or not have it, be kinky or totally vanilla. Overall, we can feel free to experiment because if this is not how people are [judging women], our sexual lives won’t be such a threat to our sense of self or how society views us.”

Indeed, efforts like the one to reclaim the word “slut,” well intentioned as they may be, still rely on the idea that sexuality is central to our identities. There are also limitations to our ability to redeem the phrase. For her new book, I Am Not a Slut, Leora Tanenbaum spoke to 55 young women and found that those who tried to take back “slut” ultimately had it backfire on them by way of social stigma. She argues that “in a culture where females are hypersexualized, embracing the word ‘slut’ does not seem like a radical protest. It seems like a capitulation.” (So much for SlutWalks, Rock the Slut Vote and Riot Grrl Kathleen Hanna’s famous cri de coeur by way of scrawling the word “slut” across her belly in lipstick, right?)

“MAYBE THIS SLUT IDEA IS TIRED ANYWAY.”

But maybe this slut idea is tired anyway. Like Nagoski and Hills explain, sexual liberation can’t just be about making it okay for women to have tons of intercourse. Instead, it should be about making it okay for women to have all sorts of sex in all sorts of quantities with all sorts of partners. Really, what does a being a slut even mean? We can do better than buying into either side of the slut mystique. And this is where I will endorse my contribution to a vision of a female sexuality we should be striving for: messy.

Hear me out.

Sexual messiness—the freedom to be neither prude nor slut, try things out, and not have one experience come to define you—is something women have been long denied. Messy means that we can love monogamy, except for that one time when we couldn’t help ourselves. Or, maybe, we are disciples of hook-up culture until that fine day when we meet Mr. or Mrs. right and never look away. Kinky? Corny? Idealist? So be it.

Messy means accepting that sex is often clumsy, that vaginas usually aren’t symmetrical, and that a roll on our bellies or some cellulite on our thighs will probably show up when we’re having a good time. Messy accepts that with good sex comes risk, emotional and physical, and that we can’t know until we try it. Messy makes room for the unpredictable, and allows for the eros of spontaneity to enter our bedrooms and bring us into the moment. It also makes room for uncertainty, mistakes, and occasional regrets—all parts of a healthy sex life and, when taking place in a non-violent atmosphere, a way for us to figure out what we like.

And, if you look for it, messy sex is kind of having a moment: On Girls, Hannah’s sex life is all about privileging exploration over perfection or relentless self-critique. On The Mindy Project, Dr. Lahiri has no problem speaking out about what she wants and doesn’t want between the sheets. The best example of this messiness, however, is Broad City, which, among its many other qualities, is a eulogy of sorts for the whole stupid Samantha/Charlotte, promiscuous/prude divide. Sure, Ilana is the show’s resident “Samantha,” except for the fact that she, despite her willingness to admit it, is involved in a pretty cute, and sexually fulfilling, monogamous relationship with Lincoln. Meanwhile, Abbi, the more conservative one, just pegged a dude on their first date.

It’s totally messy, completely f**ked up, and 100% right.


Curated by Karinna

Original Article

 

Are Smartphones Ruining Our Sex Lives?

The cause of our dissatisfying sex lives has been in our pockets all along, or so new research from Durham University suggests. People are more likely to be seduced by gadgets than by their partners.

According to the study commissioned by condom-maker Durex, smartphones are destroying sex lives.

The survey involved detailed interviews with 15 couples around the UK, 40 percent of whom confessed to delaying sex to use their smartphones or tablets.

Others revealed they had “raced through sex” in order to check their social media notifications or respond to messages.

One third of participants admitted to interrupting sex to answer incoming calls.

The study however revealed over a quarter of the couples had used their gadgets during sexual intercourse to film their encounters, while 40 percent had taken sexual pictures.

Dr. Mark McCormack, the researcher who carried out the interviews, claims taking gadgets into the bedroom has “potentially serious costs to relationships.”

Durex launched an online campaign on Wednesday, urging couples to avoid technology when with each other in the bedroom. Couples keen to know how their smartphones could make their sex lives more exciting were surprised to learn the answer is the ‘off’ button.

Businessman Ignores Sexy Woman Behind Him

I feel like my priorities are not in the right place,” one survey volunteer said.

You’re kind of cheating on me with Twitter,” one partner joked.

I’m guilty, I think I’m addicted to it and I wish I wasn’t,” another volunteer admitted.

Speaking to RT, sex and relationships blogger Emily Yates said “Being online can be quite dangerous when it comes to balancing relaxation and relationships.

“Technology is great for keeping us connected, but it encourages a disconnection with others,” she added.

Yates claims it is essential to find a balance between virtual life and relationships, adding “smartphones and laptops must be switched off to engage with those around us.”

She suggests it is “more than possible” to be cyber smart and have a great sex life.

“Technology is destroying intimacy in our relationships,” adding the tech invasion is becoming “the new normal, but it shouldn’t,” Paul Levy, senior researcher at the University of Brighton, told the Mail Online.

As the quality of physical connections dilute over time, “we adjust, expecting less,” Levy says. “We forget what real romance is.”

Researchers at the University of Missouri interviewed hundreds of Facebook addicts, aged 18 to 82, whose partners claim the social network has increased conflict in their relationship.

The study revealed a rise in jealously in tandem with increased usage, leading to break-ups, divorce and cheating.

An Oxford University study of 24,000 married European couples discovered a strong link between the uses of smartphones and social media, and marital dissatisfaction.

It found the more couples read about others’ exciting lives via their smartphones on social media, the more likely they would feel disappointment about their own.

True chemistry comes from intimacy,” suggesting technology can never replace human interaction, according the Siren dating app’ Susie Lee to the Mail Online.

We really need to learn how to focus on each other in the bedroom, rather than on our smartphones or tablets,” she added.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O925jNVmpOQ#action=share


Curated by Erbe

Original Article

 

Tantra is Not P*rn

What if studying tantra could heal our addiction to Porn? What if tapping into our natural abilities to experience ecstasy changes everything?

I was really nervous when I first realized that I wanted to teach Tantra. What would people think? Would they be offended? Talking about sex is such a no-no. I live in a very small conservative community, how was this going to work?

But then a good friend said to me, “Do you realize what you’re offering people? Tantra is essentially the OPPOSITE of porn.” Once I realized this, I never looked back!

Porn is a funny thing. Despite some opinions, I believe that it isn’t inherently evil. Lots of people truly enjoy watching porn, including many couples who use it together to have a new experience. Yet it is seemingly undeniable that there are some real dark sides to porn.

Besides the obvious violence and anything involving children, there are much more insidious issues:

1) What We Look Like Is Everything

Porn focuses on being stimulated through the body. And so we are subconsciously told that sexuality depends on what your body looks like. You must be young, fit, have perky breasts and a large penis, otherwise you can’t be a good lover. And ironically this sets up a huge self-worth issue in everyone, particularly those who don’t see themselves as young, fit and perky. And for the ones that do, they still quite often don’t see themselves as perky or big enough. Ultimately, no one leaves happy with themselves.

2) It’s All About Successfully Pleasuring The Other

Porn focuses on pleasing the other. Now obviously there is some part of us deep down that knows that the desire to please our partner is actually a wonderful thing. But that isn’t usually how it comes across in porn. It comes across as the only thing that is important. That bringing the other person to orgasm is the only goal. And what’s wrong with that you ask? Well it is the message that our unconscious receives, that this is the only goal of lovemaking. That if you can’t bring your partner to orgasm, then there is no point making love. We end up with things like performance anxiety on both the giver and the receiver side.

Shot of nude female telekinetic posing with stones

3) Connection & Intimacy Aren’t Important

Porn has nothing to do with connection. It is simply a series of physical events that two people do together. There is no connection or intimacy. And this isn’t always bad, sometimes a round of rockin’ porn sex can be fun, but again it sends programming to our subconscious that this is what sex is about. That the connection doesn’t matter and it’s just about getting off.

4) This Is All We Are Capable Of

The worst part of it is that porn makes us believe that this is all that there is. We think that we know what sex is all about and that porn just plays the edge of it, which is what is so titillating. But it isn’t true.

THE TRUTH IS that we as humans are using maybe 5% of our sexual abilities. It’s like having a piano where we think that there are only 10 keys. So we get really good at playing chopsticks. But the truth is that there are 88 keys and we can actually play phenomenal mind-blowing music. But we just didn’t know.

Porn deepens the belief that chopsticks is all that there is. So we just play it edgier and edgier so that hearing it still interests us. But we are missing the boat.

So how does Tantra change all this?

It shows us the other 78 keys on the piano, and then teaches us how to play.

1) We Are So Much More Than Our Physical Bodies

The sexiest part of us isn’t our physicality. A truly sensual person has a presence about them that is absolutely captivating and enthralling. They can look at you and gently touch you in a way that will leave you spellbound. They will bring you into their inner quiet where you will breathe and touch each other sending chills and orgasms throughout your bodies. What their body looks like is quite irrelevant.

2) Pleasuring Is Greater When It Is Mutual

We are energetic beings as well as physical. When we are touching our partner, if we are really present and enjoying the feel of our partner’s skin, they will sense this. Your touch will be different than if you are just doing it in order to please them. When you are truly in the moment, there is an electricity that comes out your fingers (or other sexy parts) that permeates your partner’s entire body. As your partner’s body responds to this, this pleasure cycles back to you, and the giver and the receiver roles start to become blurred. There is just simply pleasure being shared regardless of who is doing what.

3) Connection Is Everything

We are DESIGNED to connect with each other on a very deep level. Human beings do not do well without feeling deep connection. We call it “neediness” and “being desperate” when someone is feeling disconnected. But it’s really just because deep down we know that we are capable of phenomenal connection. And when we feel this amazing connection, things in our lives just get better. Depression lifts. We don’t feel as anxious. We notice the joys in life. We appreciate each other. We feel a level of content and happiness that we just don’t experience when we are all alone.

In tantra, this connection comes first. This is the foundation of all the sexual play. It’s like you first have to “plug in” to each other before the energy can flow. And so there is real intention to drop our guards and allow each other inside to truly connect and experience each other.

4) Sex Is Meant To Be A Multi-Dimensional Experience

When we actually bring in everything that we truly are into our intimate experiences, we go from having simply physical sex to having an experience involving our minds, emotions, feelings, intuition, passion, presence, plus a pile of dimensions that you can’t even explain, they just happen.

And the most amazing thing is that it doesn’t take any tricks. It doesn’t take a pile of methods or fancy sexual abilities. It is actually incredibly natural and programmed into us, we just haven’t accessed it.

Spiritual nude woman telekinetically moving stone

So Will Tantra Rid The World Of Porn?

I don’t think so. We love sex. Our sexual desire makes us feel alive. And truthfully, watching other people have sex can be very titillating.

Tantra heals our REAL relationships with REAL people. Learning how to actually be intimate with others allows us to have incredibly satisfying relationships with the people around us. We feel deeper connections and our intimate experiences actually heal us and make us feel wonderful about ourselves!

So porn won’t go away, but for many, the addiction can fade, because once you start experiencing the opposite side, your true potential, true intimacy and the sexual experiences that we are designed to have, the porn can’t own you. It just doesn’t come close to comparing to the experiences you’ve had.

I mean, once you’ve driven a Mazerati, driving a child’s push car just doesn’t compare.


Curated by Karinna

Original Article

 

This is What Happens to Your Body During Sex

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWWl6L1QeO8

When the urge hits you and your partner, it’s likely that nothing will stop you. You both feel a rush as you reach for one another, your minds racing and yet blank at the same time. Adrenaline flows, your hearts pound. Everything intensifies. And that’s just the first stage!

There are four stages to the sexual response cycle: Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, and Resolution. During each one, your body goes through a number of changes, many of which may not be noticeable, especially in the heat of the moment. Watch the video above to find out what happens to you during each one!


 

Curated by Erbe

Original Video

How Much Sex Happily Married Women Have Vs. Unhappily Married Women

There’s nothing less sexy than putting a number on how many times a month you and your partner should be having sex.

But in the Business Insider video above, psychotherapist and author M. Gary Neuman suggests that carving out time for sex may be the key difference between happily married couples and unhappily married ones.

While working on his “Creating Your Best Marriage” video series, Neuman and his team polled more than 400 women and found that unhappily married women had sex three to four times a month while happily married women had sex 11 times a month.

“Believe it or not, it was not about the satisfaction of the sex, it was about the frequency versus infrequency,” he says of his 2009 research in the clip above.

So what’s Neuman’s best advice for fostering the kind of intimacy that leads to a little action between the sheets? First, you need to emotionally connect with your spouse.

“Sexuality in marriage is connected to the emotional connectedness of the spouses but sometimes that time needs to be planned out,” Neuman told The Huffington Post. “Go out on a weekly date night and talk about anything except the three subjects you always discuss: money, work, and kids. Those conversations aren’t what made you fall in love with each other and they won’t sustain your love either.”


Curated by Amber J.

Original Article