Author: zfortadmin

Falling for Men with Narcissistic Tendencies

by zfortadminin LOVE

Most women claim to want the guy who is sensitive, emotionally fluent and intimate. Yet, when it comes down to it, women consistently chase after the “bad boy,” the guy who is narcissistic, self-absorbed and avoids all forms of intimacy as if they were infectious diseases.

A woman’s dating preference is the ultimate paradox.

The thing is, while we’re constantly on the lookout for that super sweet, caring guy who will make a great companion, we’re actually attracted to the guy who ignites passion within us.

Nice guys are just boring.

It’s a giant catch-22, isn’t it? We want to have serious relationships with good, sweet guys, but we want to make babies with aggressive assh*les.

There’s just something so satisfying about taking the jerk home from the bar who’s spent most of the night intellectually challenging you in a heated verbal debate.

He needs to be brought down a notch. He’s absolutely infuriating! And isn’t that so f*cking sexy?

What it all comes down to is biology. We are literally, scientifically geared to want assh*les.

While women claim to want “the nice guy,” we’re genetically hard-wired to want to procreate with the alpha male because he has stronger sperm.

There is an actual “Nice Guy Paradox”

In two studies highlighted in “Sex Roles, A Journal of Research,” the “nice guy paradox” is explored.

This nice guy stereotype contends that women often claim they want a nice guy, a man who is sweet, kind and sensitive, and yet, when it comes down to it, she rejects this man for one with “other salient characteristics” like a hot body or an ultra strong personality.

Both studies found that “nice” qualities were more desirable for long-term relationships while physical attractiveness prevailed in terms of sexual relationships:

Niceness appeared to be the most salient factor when it came to desirability for more serious relationships, whereas physical attractiveness appeared more important in terms of desirability for more casual, sexual relationships.

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It’s Not Your Looks…These Things Are Really Sexy About You

by zfortadminin Sex

There is no denying that looks are what usually first attracts us to a woman, but most guys who have been around the block also know that how hot a woman appears to be on the surface has very little to do will how good the sex will actually be.

However, there is a lot that we can tell about how sexy a woman really is, if we pay attention to certain things. Here are 9 examples:

1. YOUR WALK

Oh man. A brisk, confident, heel-clicking strut? A slow, hip-swinging mosey? Would it be creepy if I just walked behind you for awhile? (I know. It would. That’s the definition of creepy.)

2. YOUR VOICE

Whether it’s smokey/scratchy, airy or, I’ll say it, slightly lisp-y, the way you talk can be a major turn-on.

3. YOUR SHARP WIT

Just watch any classic screwball comedy — verbal sparring is the ultimate foreplay.

4. THE WAY YOU DANCE

This one’s pretty obvious right? The way you move is the way you move.

5. YOUR ADVENTUROUS SPIRIT

And being up for anything kind of implies that you might be up for anything. On the other hand…

6. YOUR SHYNESS

If the bedroom is the only place that you really let yourself go crazy, it’s kind of twice as hot.

7. YOUR LAUGH

I think the laugh was the first thing I ever found sexy. Before I knew what sexy was, I remember hearing Kathleen Turner’s laugh (I was probably 7) and feeling something… different.

8. THE WAY YOU SMELL

I’m not talking about what perfume you wear. I’m talking about the way you smell. I’m talking about burying my face between your neck and shoulder, inhaling and losing all capacity for rational thought.

9. YOUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE

Nobody’s going to believe me on this one, but it’s one hundred percent true. Even the hottest, easiest sexual relationship is eventually going to run into a snag somewhere. A woman who can express complex feelings clearly and confidently is a woman who’s going to be able to keep the sex interesting and fulfilling when the initial shine wears off.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Approaching Dating as a Scientific Experiment

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

If you think about it, relationships are just like scientific experiments: sometimes, no matter the outcomes of dates, the end results can be unpredictable.

A friend of mine was recently having relationship issues and I had to spend some time consoling and counseling her (Don’t worry, I’ve received permission to discuss this!). As she railed against fate, she moaned something about her predicament that really struck me—the need to communicate without assumptions and to not be inclined to think that something is obvious.

At this point, I tried to lighten the mood by pointing out that as a scientist, she should never have made such judgments. After all, what is obvious to one person is often not clear to another and people are rarely quickly convinced in the lab even when the evidence is there. By the same token, how many times are you going to test the hypotheses before you accept you are right or wrong? Also, you can’t go back and read other people’s minds the way you can a lab book (depending on how well the lab book is kept).

This thankfully brought a smile to her face and like a good collaborator, she threw some challenges towards my argument—are relationships then just a series of hypothesis tests?

ARE THEY EVER!!! Just think about it—dating can be considered a series of experiments with different subjects!

Relationships: the ultimate experiment

It even fits the classical written scientific report format with defined sections on the introduction, materials and methods, results, and discussion. My friend was skeptical. All I could do was show her the evidence (like a good scientist), and hope she came to the same conclusions.

1. Introduction

Well, this section is pretty obvious as this is probably when you meet—introduction, get it?!?! Hahaha! Okay I’ll slink back into my cave now. But really, this is when you also assess the relevant history and concepts so that everyone can understand the current situation. And like a scientific report, this is when you’re supposed to engage the subject of your experiment … I mean, date. *Cough*.

In the way that a good introduction to a paper is meant to be selective, not exhaustive, it’s the same for your date. They don’t need to know (yet) all the nitty-gritty of your history until they decide to become an expert in the field, i.e. you.

And remember to figure out the aims and hypothesis—to find out whether this person is the one! You don’t want to get to the end and realize your study has been for naught.

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He Takes Care of You When You’re Sick – How to Tell He Thinks You Are the One

by zfortadminin LOVE

Look at these signs if your man is really “the one”.

He loves me …

He loves me not.

He loves me …

He loves me not.

Hey, throw out the flower petals! Forget that weird advice from your sister and that old saying that says “Whoever truly loves you will blah blah blah.” That’s old school and nonsense, and you need some cold, hard facts when you want to know if you’re really his queen. You want evidence that you’re The One.

So! If your man truly sees you as his one any only, these 10 signs are the way to know it.

  1. You make him the teensiest bit nervous.

Ever seen a guy’s hands shake just a little on a first date? He’s nervous! That means he likes you. But even when you’ve been dating for a while, a kernel of that nervousness will still be there if he truly adores you.

Of course, we’re not talking full-blown panic attack here (and not all guys shake nor will they continue to do so after time goes by). But being excited and giddy around the one you love is positive. If you sometimes sense that little tinge of nerves on his part, that’s a good sign!

  1. He knows and remembers everything about you.

You might here things like this from him:

  • At the pizza shop: “Do you have thin crust, my girlfriend doesn’t like the thick stuff.”
  • When choosing a movie to watch: “Oh this movie’s got that shaky camera work you don’t like, so maybe we shouldn’t see it.”
  • At the airport check-in counter: “Can she get a window seat?”
  • When you’re talking about friends: “Sarah’s your old friend from summer camp, right?”

Little things. He logs them away in a little file in his head labeled You. And it’s adorable. Also, he’s not afraid to bust it out. Sometimes, you realize he may know more about you than you know about yourself!

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Is it Love or Something Else?

by zfortadminin LOVE

Ever wondered if you were truly in love, or truly in lust?

Did you know that falling in love actually happens over time, and the journey from initial attraction to deep romantic love is a predictable course that depends on many different factors?

Love is an intense feeling of affection toward another person. It’s a profound and caring attraction that forms emotional attachment.

On the flip side, lust is a strong desire of a sexual nature that is based on physical attraction. Lust can transform into deep romantic love, but it usually takes time.

Two individuals will transform their lust into love when they get to see the whole individual (their strengths and weaknesses) and get past the “fantasy level.

Dr. Helen Fisher, a well-known researcher on the topic of romantic love, has identified three stages to falling in love in her excellent book Why Him? Why Her?: How to Find and Keep Lasting Love and I’ve been inspired by her research in writing this post.

Which stage are you at?

Stage 1: Lust

Lust is the first stage of falling in love. It’s driven by desire. The sex hormones play an important role in this stage. According to experts, this stage may begin immediately and can last up to two years.

Signs that you’re in lust:

  • You’re focused on the physical appearance of the object of your desire.
  • There is a strong desire to have sex, but not deep emotional conversations.
  • You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
  • You are lovers, but not necessarily friends.

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the “love-struck” phase. When you spend hours daydreaming about your lover; when you lose sleep or your appetite, you know you’re in this phase. The neurohormones that play an important role in the attraction or infatuation phase are dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These are the hormones that send our heart racing, and might actually make us feel like we are going insane.

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Attract the Right Person for You

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE

If I told you that I had the secret for finding your soul mate, your dream guy, your Ryan Gosling, would you give it a try?

Using crystals is a way to place good vibes out into the universe and attract the type of partner you find attractive. You can keep them in your purse, on your bedside table, or on your desk so their magnetic energy is always on hand.

Here are some crystal cocktails to enchant different types of guys. They have potent attraction energy behind them, so be careful what you wish for, crystal lovers…

The Creative

Want an über-inspired, creatively charged crystal to hook, line, and sinker yourself a creative soul mate? Then you need one or all of these:

Carnelian helps you connect to your creative side by revitalizing your body, mind, and soul and heightening your joyful energy and motivation. You’ll feel inspired, and he’ll be inspired to spend more time around you.

Labradorite is a stone that supports your visions, dreams, and goals, helping you visualize your future creative partner.

Crystal cocktail poured, shaken, and served for one creative!

The Romantic

Hopelessly addicted to all things The Notebook and Dirty Dancing? Well, your Prince Charming is out there, and he’s probably looking for you right now. Help him connect with your romantic vibrations by keeping these Cupid crystals on hand:

Consider rose quartz the mack daddy of romantic crystals—it connects with all things heart.

Amber stones bring a sense of calm, purity, and romance.

Aventurine—the ladies’ luck rock—is just what you need to manifest some good fortune in the love department.

The Yogi

Seeking an asana soul brother? If you haven’t come across any boyfriend material at your local yoga studio yet, here’s a yogi-inspired crystal cocktail to connect to your chakras…and his:

Malachite will help you connect to his love of transformation, energy, and balance.

Celestite is a calming, gentle, positive stone that promotes harmony, alignment, and connection to the angelic realm.

Clear quartz helps to clean up your energy and aura so your newfound yogi can have an unobstructed view of your positive soul.

Namaste, brother!

The Hipster

You seek a stylish guy who loves all things beards, man buns, and plaids. Crystals that energetically vibe with the hipster guy include:

Moonstone taps into his sensitive, intuitive, New Agey side.

The perfect crystal for daydreamers, fluorite opens up your energy to clear unbiased reasoning and help focus the mind.

The Jock

Want a bro? A simple, sporty, straight-up man? Here are some crystal recipe options to find him:

Agate is connected with all things strength and bravery.

Tiger’s-eye is the crystal of confidence, courage, and protection.

High-five, bro!

The Businessman

Attracted to the successful, driven, passionate, hardworking type? These crystals can help you catch the busy businessman’s attention:

Selenite can inspire clarity of mind and concentration, and it can promote stimulating conversation while supporting your nerves.

Jade is the stone of good luck, good fortune, and abundance.

Citrine is all about focus and discipline. Heck, it’s even nicknamed the successful stone.

The Prankster

Have a soft spot for the class clown? Is a solid sense of humor one of your prerequisites for a soul mate? You don’t have to set up a crystal trail between the local comedy club and your front door. Instead, just keep these lighthearted crystals with you to help your heart connect to someone playful:

As the sunstone‘s name suggests, it’s full of good vibes and will leave you feeling uplifted and positive, ready to tackle a prankster’s wit.

Rose quartz is packed with joyous, fun-loving vibes.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Relationship Types You Can Find Yourself In

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Before you find “the one,” you’ll date a bunch of other ones. Only the truly lucky find a great relationship—built on compatibility, mutual respect, and sexual attraction—early on.

Most of us have to have all the other types of relationships, to understand what a functional relationship should look like.

Here are 14 types of relationships you will almost certainly have before you find long-term happiness.

CODEPENDENT

In this relationship, you or your partner (or both of you) cannot function without the other person. You feel anxiety and depression when you’re not around one another. Other areas of your life suffer. You’ll often do out of the ordinary things to keep this person’s love—like cancel a trip you planned years ago with friends, to stay with this person, or give up a great job to have more time with your partner.

INDEPENDENT

You’re a “power couple.” Or at least, you think you are. What you really are is this: two people who do not know how or are not willing to compromise and sacrifice for the relationship. You always put yourself ahead of your partner, and visa versa. You’re both highly focused on your careers, or your own separate social lives. You essentially just meet up when it’s convenient for both of you. But love is not a priority.

DOMINATING

At one point, unfortunately, you’ll date someone who controls you. He will set all the rules for the relationship, and you will follow them. Something about this person makes you spineless. You don’t even see how ridiculous his rules are, such as a rule that you not go out with friends without him, or that you stop talking to your male friends, or that all holidays are spent with his family instead of yours. You’ll be under a spell that will be clear to your friends, but for some reason not to you. And you’ll feel great anxiety around ever speaking your mind or demanding something from this person.

REBOUND

You, and possibly the other person involved in this relationship, have just gone through breakups and need love to cover up the pain. This relationship almost never works out because it is built on the fear of facing the reality of your recent breakup, rather than focusing on this new person and whether or not they are compatible for you. So it is fragile.

OPEN

We all get a little new age at some point and give this relationship a try. In this relationship, the two individuals are emotionally committed to one another, but are both free to sleep with other people. This type of relationship mostly only works when both parties aren’t that emotionally invested in one another. And for this reason, it usually ends anyways.

WORKING HARD

You really want love, you meet someone who really wants love, and so you’re willing to make a lot of changes for it. You change the way you talk, dress, think and socialize for him. He does the same for you. You actually have zero interest in one another’s passions and hobbies, but you attend all related event and feign interest. You look happy to the outside world, but it’s actually the most exhausting relationship you’ve ever been in.

TOXIC

Okay, the previous relationship is the second most exhausting relationship you’ll ever be in. This is the one that will leave you feeling emotionally, mentally and physically immobile. The toxic relationship is one in which you and your partner have an extreme attraction to one another, but have such drastically different morals, opinions, or integrity that all you do is fight. You bring out the worst in each other. But you can’t stay away from each other. You’re always on edge in this relationship. It’s like being on a drug: the highs are very high, but the lows leave you incapacitated.

TEMPORARY

It’s fun for now, but you wouldn’t make plans for the future. You couldn’t claim anything is wrong with the guy. You enjoy having sex with him and spending time with him. But that real umph isn’t there—that can’t live without him sensation. But it’s easy, and it’s a good distraction for a while.

BASICALLY FRIENDS

Everything is great except one thing: you and him do not feel like having sex with one another. It feels like kissing your cousin. You can have a fun day, connect on many levels, but when it comes to the bedroom, your blood runs cold.

PURELY SEXUAL

You’ll also have the opposite to the basically friends relationship: the purely sexual one. When you call or text one another, it’s almost always to spend time immediately. You’re mostly in the bedroom together. You have great sexual chemistry, and for some reason never feel compelled to explore your chemistry in other areas.

PRIZE POSSESSION

At one point you will date a rich or insanely handsome man, because you’re just intrigued by what life is like with that guy on your arm. You’ve seen gold diggers who seem happy with filthy rich gentlemen, or your giddy friend who is always with a model. So you give it a go. If you’re an emotionally sound person, you typically can’t carry this one on for long. You crave a real connection.

GOOD ON PAPER

You’ll date one guy because you should. Everybody—your friends, your family, complete strangers—think this guy is perfect. He’s handsome, he has a great job, he has a good sense of humor, he is kind, he is totally marriage and father material and he treats you like a queen. But again, the umph factor is missing. He doesn’t excite you. You can have great conversations, but a certain inexplicable connection just isn’t happening.

LONG DISTANCE

During one of your romantic phases, you’ll try out a long distance relationship. You’ll tell yourself yours will be the one to work out. And you’ll love going to visit him—it will feel like a vacation every time. But eventually, you’ll realize you don’t want to move to him, he doesn’t want to move to you, flights are getting expensive and you’re tired of missing out on what’s going on with your friends back at home.

EMOTIONAL AFFAIR

You probably will not realize it the first time you get into one of these, so we’ll give you a freebee. But at one point, you will develop an intimate, emotional connection with a man who is already in a committed relationship, or when you yourself are in a committed relationship. Nothing physical ever happens, but you share secrets with this person, you get anxious when you’re going to see him, and if you think about it, your or his partner wouldn’t really approve of it.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Up Level Your Relationship – Here’s How

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

“It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.” ~John Bulwer

If there’s one thing we all want, it’s to feel loved.

We want to feel deeply connected to other people, fully seen and appreciated by them, and secure in those relationships.

We can have a million and one acquaintances online, but if none of our connections feel intimate and meaningful, we will ultimately feel alone.

There’s actually some interesting research that shows we tend to value physical possessions less when we feel loved and accepted by others, because relationships can provide a sense of comfort, insurance, and protection. They truly are the most valuable things in our lives.

I remember when I completed my last promotional tour. It’s something I used to do for work—travel around the country promoting products at sporting events, concerts, and retail locations. I chose this career partly because it seemed adventurous, and partly because it allowed me to distract myself with constant change and motion.

Although there were more than 20 people on the tour, I frequently stayed in separate hotels because my responsibility was to care for the tour dog, and the group often stayed in places that didn’t allow pets.

I’d just decided to leave NYC shortly before this job, after slowly climbing out of years of self-loathing, depression, and isolation. I wanted nothing more than to make real friendships, but I simply didn’t know how.

I saw it happening all around me. I saw women forming bonds that I knew would last for years, while I frequently felt awkward and insecure. I saw romantic relationships blossoming, while I had a superficial fling with someone I hardly knew, who hardly knew me back.

Though I was trying to open up to people and create space for them to open up as well, I still felt alone, love-deprived, and terrified that these feelings would endure. As a consequence, I frequently sabotaged myself and potential connections.

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The Things You Undervalue About Dating

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Cuddling, sharing, and happiness! These are just some of the things we can enjoy about dating someone.

1. By default, you always have someone to do things with.

2. And you can communicate using special eye-code when other people are around.

3. You get honest (read: invested) fashion advice.

4. And like, you finally have someone to make your choreographed dreams come true.

5. Sofa time is accompanied by hi-tech foot-warming technology.

6. There’s also the sweet, sweet relief of a simple hand-holding sesh.

7. You see a SIGNIFICANT improvement in meals…

And finally someone will appreciate your smooth moves in the kitchen.

8. …and twice the manpower for cleaning up (and other boring chores)!

9. Let’s not forget: Joint. Streaming. Accounts.

Guilty pleasures are best shared!

10. In fact, sharing things in general…

11. …and saving $$$ as a result!

(AKA money left over to do even more things together!)

12. Your knowledge improves from adopting their smarts and interests…

13. …and so does your hygiene.

14. Let’s not forget the comfort of sleeping with your S.O.’s shirt while they’re away.

Bonus points if you have a pet — you get all their attention too!

15. Just having someone special to hug and hold is awesome…

…and best of all, even staycations in your sweatpants can be considered sexy.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

You Are Into Him and He’s Not….How to Say Goodbye

by zfortadminin LOVE

We’ve all heard the saying ‘If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.’

We’ve read this quote in countless magazines or books, or heard it in movies. What we didn’t know then, was how utterly painful it is. Those who have been through it and came out in one piece will tell you they feel they’ve been to a war. Hold on girls, it’s not that morbid, really. I can understand your situation; you love him, he loves you, all is well. Then comes that time when he no longer returns the feelings. That’s got to hurt, but making matters worse is the fact that you can’t seem to stop loving him. Well, here’s some good news, you CAN stop loving him. Just follow our guide, where we’ve laid out the top 12 ways you can get over him-for good especially if you are in a open-relationship.

Fall in love again-with yourself

Remember that person who loved the outdoors, but gave it up for the guy who hated it? Oh, and remember that girl who was the most popular in high school but had to drop out of her social circle to make time for the ‘love’ of her life? Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking about you. When we are with someone, we automatically put our single selves up on a shelf, transforming and molding ourselves into a person who’s easier to date & last but not the least, we try to save the relationship even to impossible extents. Now would be the best time to go back and reach out to all the friends you cut off for your guy. All the stuff that made you happy once when you were single is still out there, waiting for you to come back to it. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, get out there and become the amazing person you used to be. Love yourself first; the rest will fall into place.

Get rid of excess baggage

This one might seem exceptionally hard to do, but once done, you’ll feel like a huge chunk of weight has been lifted off your shoulders. It doesn’t matter how many questions you have asked your boyfriend during the relationship. Delete and get rid of all texts, pictures, emails and anything else that is a constant reminder of him. You’ll question yourself whether you should, but believe me, you’ll thank me later. This doesn’t just apply to your cell phone. Go ahead and delete all your pictures together on Facebook, Instagram or anywhere else you can think of. Believe me, if there’s one thing we girls love doing, its torturing ourselves by going down memory lane, and that is exactly what you’re going to avoid. It was nothing but an abusive emotional relationship.

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Social Butterfly …What to Expect When Dating One

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

The life of the party. A social butterfly. Always on the go. If these expressions describe your partner, then you are dating an extrovert.

Your extrovert partner brings energy and enthusiasm into your life – and the energy can feel invigorating, but it can also be draining. To keep your footing (and your sanity) in the relationship, it can help to have an understanding of how extroverts operate – and what you can expect when you’re paired with one. Here are a few tips:

1. Be prepared for lots of activity and plenty of company.

Extroverts are typically talkative and thrive on being around lots of people. They are gregarious and can be quite engaging.

2. Be attentive to your reactions to your partner’s social nature.

If you are sensitive to rejection, it’s important to keep in mind that their drive to get out and about with others isnot about getting away from you. Extroverts recharge by being with others. And when others are drawn to them, this doesn’t mean that they are being – or will be – unfaithful. So, if their social nature makes you uncomfortable or anxious, make sure to keep the lines of communication open as a way to ease your concerns.

3. You may need to create the opportunity for a deeper connection.

Extroverts can be so busy that they don’t slow down enough to allow for thoughtful communication or mutually savored moments. You may not feel truly heard or have a sense that they are sharing from deep within. So, to deepen your relationship, you might sometimes want to encourage quieter moments – such as a candle-lit dinner – along with discussions that reveal intimate thoughts and feelings.

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Picking Up the Bill on a Date

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

A confession to the men I’ve dated: If I ever insisted on paying my half at the end of a first date when you offered to treat, it may have been because I never wanted to see you again.

My persistence to pay was—at best—code for, “Let’s just be friends.” At worst, “Beat it.”

We all carry assumptions surrounding that first date bill and how it ought to be settled. When those expectations aren’t met, the evening could end awkwardly. She might be offended if he doesn’t let her pay; he might be annoyed if she doesn’t at least offer to chip in.

It’s an early stage financial crossroads that could make or break chances for a second date.

So, when in doubt, how should men and women best handle that first date tab? And was I right to offer to split the bill if I didn’t like the guy?

I tapped relationship experts Marni Battista, founder of DatingWithDignity.com and Bernardo Mendez of Your Great Life TV for some guidelines.

Men: Offer to take the lead.

Battista and Mendez both agree that it’s generally best for men to pay on a first date. Yes, even still in 2014—a time in which, as I myself have written, women often outearn men.

But the fact of the matter is that men typically want to pay: In a poll last year conducted by LearnVest and T.D. Ameritrade, 55% of men said they thought the guy should take the check. As Mendez explains, many men feel fulfilled and accomplished when they see an opportunity to provide, even if it’s in simple ways like paying for a drink.

Perhaps more importantly, paying is a way for him to preen. “Even a guy who doesn’t make much money if he really likes you will try to impress you to the utmost that he can,” says Battista

As for women? “In my experience, 90% will be offended if a guy doesn’t offer to pay,” says Battista.

The data seems to support her claim, at least to some extent. That LearnVest poll found that 63% of women expect the guy to pay. And when researchers at Chapman University recently surveyed more than 17,000 people on the topic of first-date finances, they found that 39% of women who offered to pay said they secretly hoped the men would not let them. Meanwhile, 44% of women said they were annoyed when expected to help pay the bill.

So guys, pick up the check. It’s just a first date dance move that—more often than not—leaves each person happy and satisfied.

The exception: If she asks him out and picks the place, the experts say, she ought be prepared to settle the bill.

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Here is Why Some Couples Never Cheat

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Wondering how and why some couples never tend to cheat on each other? Here is the answer.

Perceptual downgrading of attractive persons who can turn out to be potential threats may help in sustaining relationships from temptation and keep couples from cheating on one another, finds a new study.

The findings showed that to keep up a steady relationship, couples are likely to use an unconscious ‘turn-off’ mechanism where either partner perceptually downgrades individuals who can act as possible threats to their relationships, as less attractive than they really are.

Couples who are highly satisfied with their current partners are more likely to use this mechanism.

“Committed individuals see other potential partners as less attractive than other people see them, especially if they see the attractive person as a threat to their relationship and even more so if they’re happy with their partner”, said lead author Shana Cole, Assistant Professor at Rutgers University in the US.

Both men and women indulge in this protective bias called ‘perceptual downgrading’ and which helps couples’ maintain their commitment to their current partners.

“When people encounter an enticing temptation, one way to reduce its motivational pull is to devalue the temptation”, Cole added in the paper published in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

“This study suggests that there are processes that may occur outside of conscious awareness to make it easier to stay committed to one’s partner”, she noted.

For the study, the team designed two studies. In the first study, the researchers told participants that they would be working with a very attractive person – who is either romantically unavailable or single.

They were shown the imaginary person’s face with its 10 morphed images and asked to pick the image that matched the original. The results shows that they consistently picked images morphed toward unattractiveness.

In the second study, the participants provided more information about their own romantic situations and the team described the imaginary person as single, and therefore, available.

Participants in relationships who thought the person was interested in dating found that person less attractive than individuals who were single.

People who were in relationships and were happy with their partners, perceived the imaginary person as less attractive than any other participant.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Testosterone and Post Coital Conversation

by zfortadminin Sex

Post-coital conversations are driven by emotions, sure, but also a lot of chemicals.

Doris Day and Zayn aside, pillow talk is hard to come by. If sex can be the shortest route between nervousness and comfort, what follows is often the quietest sort of arrival. For humans, this has always been true. Researchers have proven that post-intimacy intimacy is more of a pop-cultural meme than it is a reality for most people. The desire for post-coital conversation is, after all, biological as well as romantic and emotional. And most people aren’t built for it.

Why Harry and Sally from When Harry Met Sally . . . feel differently about how someone should act after sex essentially comes down to difference in their fictional testosterone levels and the fact that Sally is having better sex. These physiological motives were documented in the March 2016 edition of the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships by researchers who found people with high testosterone levels were least likely to want to participate in post-sex communication. This was even more true if they failed to climax.

For the study, the researchers recruited 253 participants ranging in age from 18 to 45 years old from two large university campuses. The group was predominantly straight (five identified as bisexual), slightly over three fourths female, and 97 percent unmarried. Some 70 percent of that last group were in a committed relationship while 30 percent were playing the field.

The researchers told the participants that any “below the belt” activity counted for the study — meaning penile-vaginal intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, or hand stimulation. If participants met that criteria, they were told to go to the laboratory and provide saliva samples which would be frozen, stored for three months, then tested for testosterone. The subjects were also asked to keep track of their sexual activity via an online diary, noting if they had participated in pillow talk. If they did have pillow talk, they were asked to assess the levels of how much they disclosed, how much they said, the importance of what was said, and whether the conversation was positive or negative.

After analysis, the researchers found conclusive evidence of a relationship between testosterone levels, orgasm, and a desire for pillow talk.

Lower testosterone levels are associated with negative benefits of pillow talk.

When it came to testosterone levels, they found that increased levels of the hormone caused people to think that there wasn’t much personal benefit to disclose how they felt post-coitus. These individuals also assessed a high risk to sharing how they felt — while high testosterone levels have previously been associated with risk-taking behavior, that is usually correlated to how someone acts in economic or competitive tasks, not when it comes to personal relationships.

“Self-disclosing private information is a different kind of risk — it is a social risk because it can make people emotionally vulnerable and potentially lead to personal and social rejection,” the researchers wrote. “Even though people with higher T levels may be more likely to take risks in other contexts, in terms of intimate relationships, it could leave them feeling vulnerable and intimately close.”

Conversely, individuals with lower testosterone levels were more likely to want to engage in and enjoy pillow talk. The researchers explain that these individuals enjoyed using this time as a way to express nurturance to their partners and disclose the positive things they felt about them. This was men and women — to refresh, yes women do have testosterone but typically at lower levels than men — and in line with what has previously been studied about testosterone. Lower testosterone levels are typically connected to more social and less dominant behavior.

Testosterone is also thought to suppress the effects of the hormone oxytocin, which facilitates positive feelings and connection between sexual partners. So to the researchers it makes sense that people with higher levels of testosterone disclose less positive feelings to their partners, because they’re not getting the “warm, positive effects” of oxytocin.

The researchers also found a significant connection between testosterone levels and if the participant had an orgasm: People who didn’t orgasm had higher testosterone levels. When biological sex was controlled and the researchers conducted separate analysis for women and men, the researchers consistently found that people who did not orgasm — compared to those who did — had more negative feelings about engaging in pillow talk. People who did orgasm felt they would be happier and their relationships would be better if they disclosed their feelings.

Is it important to have pillow talk instead up firing up Netflix? It is if you’re looking to bond and have a deeper relationship with your partner. It also means that you’re being more intuitive with your relationship. A 2014 study found that women who orgasmed had a heightened perceptual ability that allowed them to see that disclosing their feelings would help achieve a “desired outcome” — building a closer relationship.

“Post sex communication may therefore serve an important role in not only sustaining a satisfying sexual relationship between partners,” writes the researchers of this 2016 study, “but may also contribute to more general feelings of relationship satisfaction and closeness.”

So next time your partner wants to snuggle in and chat, let them. And if they don’t want to, at least you know that you have science to blame.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Lovemaking 4 Moves to a High Quality Experience

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

If these four sex moves are present in your relationship, then you are likely to last long as a couple.

Intimacy is an important part of any relationship. Be it physical or emotional, being intimate with your partner means being open and vulnerable to them

With this, it is understood that how your sex life looks will affect your relationship, either positively or adversely.

If these sex moves are present in your relationship, then you are likely to last long as a couple.

Respect

Respect is a very important component in the bedroom. You should show your partner that you respect their body. You should not do things that will make them feel degraded, used or guilty. You should always realise that this body belongs to an actual human being with feelings, so do not treat each other badly. If your partner says he/she is uninterested in sex, or if they do not want to engage in a particular sex act, you should respect their decisions.

Compliment

Everyone likes to feel good, especially in the bedroom. Your partner is completely naked and at his/her most vulnerable during sex, this is one time they truly need your words of approval. Never assume you have been together too long to give them some compliment on their body and their moves. Tell them how sexy you find them and how much they turn you on. This is the best way to have them bond and open up with you.

Experiment

No matter how long you have been with your partner, if you are still interested in trying something new, then your relationship is stronger than you think. You will only work hard towards coming up with new things with a partner who you still want to impress. This shows your relationship is definitely strong. If you never tire of finding new ways to please and love each other, in the bedroom and out, you are in a pretty good relationship.

Communicate

Does your partner tell you what they like in the bedroom? Do they tell you what turns them on? Do you believe that no sex topic is off limits between you and your partner? If your answer is ‘yes,’ then you are on the right track with your relationship. Every couple knows that having a no-holds-barred sex talk with each other is not usually the most comfortable thing to do, but it is very necessary. You need to talk about each other’s fantasies, pleasure, favourite moves, etc. You ought to keep up with their bedroom needs to keep things hot.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article