zfortadmin, Author at Love TV - Page 39 of 50

Author: zfortadmin

How an Apple a Day Keeps Sex in Play

by zfortadminin Sex

According to the study, “daily apple use is associated with higher FSFI scores in sexually active female patients

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but a new study reveals it also boosts sexual pleasure in women. Italian researchers, who published their findings in the journal of Archives of Gynecology and Obstetrics, have found apples have the ability to sexually stimulate arousal in women.

Researchers evaluated the apple to sex appetite of 731 healthy Italian women from 18 to 43 years old. After splitting them up into two different groups, one that ate apples more than once a day, and another group who ate less than one a day, they were asked to fill out a Female Sexual Function Index (FSFI).

The FSFI survey asked them to answer 19 questions about their sexual activeness from the frequency of their sexual engagements to the overall satisfaction. Those who ate more apples had increased lubrication and sexual function. According to the study, “daily apple use is associated with higher FSFI scores in sexually active female patients, thus increasing their lubrication and overall sexual function.”

The researchers think the reason behind the sexually stimulating apple consumption may be because apples contain phloridzin, a key compound that mimics the female sex hormone estradiol, which plays a huge role in vaginal lubrication and female sexuality.

In addition, apples may improve sexual function because of all the polyphenols and antioxidants they contain, which help stimulate blood flow to the genitalia and vagina, making it easier to climax. Guess what else contains sexually stimulating polyphenols and antioxidants? Red wine and chocolate have also been known to help women become aroused, and also have heart healthy benefits in previous studies thanks to the resveratrol compound found in both.

“This study suggests a potential relationship between regular daily apple consumption and better sexuality in our young women population,” the researchers conclude.

Aside from the sexual stimulation, you can reap plenty of other benefits from apples. The bountiful benefits, for example, can be attributed to apple’s high-fiber content to protect against Parkinson’s disease. Eating one also helps achieve a whiter smile by producing more saliva to reduce teeth decay. It can detox your liver by clearing toxins with fruits, and one study found women who ate an apple a day decreased their risk of diabetes by 28 percent.

Source: Bartoletti R, Malossini G, Cai T, et al. Apple consumption is related to better sexual quality of life in young women. Archives of Gynecology and Obstetrics. 2014.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Here’s How a Happy Marriage Can Be Simpler Than You Think

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

According to a new study published in the journal Personal Relationships, the key to improving a marriage is to show a little gratitude.

It seems like every other day, another study comes out promising to give us the key to a successful marriage. Why not? After all, those of us who want to be married want to stay married. In fact, a 2011 Pew Research survey found that 36 percent of adults believe that having a successful marriage is “one of the most important things” in life. While I don’t really believe that relationship success is dependent on one major “key,” and that it’s more of the right combination of the little things, a new study shows saying two small words can actually strengthen your marriage. Ready for them?

“Thank you.”

According to a new study published in the journal Personal Relationships, the key to improving a marriage is to show a little gratitude. Researchers from the University of Georgia conducted a telephone survey of 468 married individuals and asked them questions about their finances, their communication tactics, and how they express gratitude to their spouses. As the study found, expressions of spousal gratitude were a significant predictor of marital quality.

“It goes to show the power of ‘thank you,’” said Allen Barton, a postdoctoral research associate at UGA’s Center for Family Research and lead author of the study. “Even if a couple is experiencing distress and difficulty in other areas, gratitude in the relationship can help promote positive marital outcomes.”

The study also found that couples who showed higher levels of spousal gratitude were less prone to seek divorce. When couples express gratitude or show appreciation for each other, it can counteract or buffer the negative effects of conflicts. According to researchers, feeling appreciated and believing that your partner values you have a great impact on how you feel about your marriage and your commitment to making it last.

“All couples have disagreements and argue,” the study’s co-author Ted Futris said. “What distinguishes the marriages that last from those that don’t is not how often they argue, but how they argue and how they treat each other on a daily basis.”

In short, it’s the little things that matter.

Saying those two small words can do your relationship a bunch of good. But sometimes, expressing gratitude can go beyond a simple “Thank you.” Because of that, I talked to Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist, on how you can express gratitude to your partner each and every day.

1. Reach Out

Set aside time each day to reach out to your partner and listen to them talk about their day. As Dr. Ramani tells Bustle, “They may not be able to respond, but it becomes a touchstone, and lets them feel heard.”

2. Take Initiative

“Do something for them that they do not like to do without asking,” Dr. Ramani says. “But do it without making lots of noise about it. For example, take the car in for an oil change, clean the toilets, or weed the garden.”

3. Surprise Them

“This does not need to be big. It can be dinner on the table, making the plans and just whisking them away to something you know they like. Even try giving them a small gift that shows up in a briefcase at work,” Dr. Ramani says.

4. Compliment Them

“I know it seems small, and likely should be happening every day. But we often forget that those little words about your partner’s work, a new dress, or their smile put a swing in our step when we get them from strangers,” Dr. Ramani says. “But they can be profoundly impactful from our partners.”

5. Ask About Stuff

Don’t just listen, but engage in conversation. If your partner tells you something that happened at work, ask a follow up question the next day (i.e. “Whatever happened with that guy at work you told me about yesterday?”).

As Dr. Ramani says, “It shows not only that you were listening initially but that it is sustained. Few of us are heard any more in such a distracted world. To hear someone listening to us is a fantastic way to show gratitude.”

6. Again, The Little Things Count

Don’t be afraid to say “Thank you” or “I’m grateful” or “I noticed what you did.” According to Dr. Ramani, while those words are simple enough, they show that we notice the effort that our partner puts into the relationship and that we’re grateful for them.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why it’s Not OK to Snoop Through Your Partner’s Phone

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Girls, girls, girls. Trust me – snooping through your BF’s text messages is not okay!

A while ago, I wrote a post about why you shouldn’t look through your boyfriend’s phone based on my own snooping experiences (something I’m still embarrassed about). It’s been over a year since that post went up, but it still gets tons of comments from girls who say that looking through your boyfriend’s phone is totally okay – in fact, they encourage it.

Girls, girls, girls. Trust me – snooping through your BF’s text messages is not okay! Honestly, I don’t care what kind of explanations you give me, there is really no excuse for going through a phone that isn’t yours. Please, please, cut this behavior out and read the reasons why it’s a terrible idea. I think, eventually, you’ll realize that you need to stop doing it for good… and your relationships will only improve after that.

It Totally Betrays His Trust

Probably the biggest reason to not snoop through your BF’s phone is that it totally and completely betrays his trust. If your boyfriend leaves his phone around you when he’s not in the room, he obviously trusts you to be near his phone without getting sneaky. Trust is one of the most important qualities to have in a relationship. Going through his phone is rude and disrespectful. Which brings me to my next point…

You Wouldn’t Like It If He Did It To You

How would you feel if you found out your boyfriend was secretly looking through your phone, reading all of your private text messages and checking up on your phone history? You’d probably feel pretty violated, annoyed and hurt. I once had an ex look through my texts when we first started dating. When he told me he did, I was so hurt by his accusations that I was doing something I shouldn’t that I almost ended things. Treat others how you want to be treated, you know?

It’s Way Too Easy To Misinterpret Things

Text messages can be really hard to interpret because you’re just looking at words – you’re not seeing the person’s expression or hearing their voice. What you read could mean something totally different than it sounds. Also, you don’t know the context of every conversation because it’s not YOUR conversation. You don’t know if something is an inside joke or about something completely different than what you think. It’s way too easy to misinterpret things and freak out for no reason at all.

Pages: 1 2 3

Women Share How Their Intuition About Cheating Turned Out

by zfortadminin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

In a technology-filled world, the temptation to read your man’s Facebook messages or snoop through his texts his overwhelming. But are you in the right to do so?

When Emily Gold* logged onto her husband’s email with dread pooling in stomach, she was hoping for the best. Instead, she was met with a rude awakening: clear cut evidence of her husband’s affair scattered throughout his emails. Love notes, song lyrics, photos of the two of them together, but that wasn’t all. The worst was a pro/con list, written by her husband, on whether or not he should leave her. “It was the worst thing I have ever seen with my eyes,” Gold said.

She’s not alone: according to a 2011 study, 41-percent of women have snooped through their man’s phone or emails. Modern technology offers a whole new variety of ways to spy on your partner. Looking through drawers and checking for lipstick on the collar is a thing of the past. According to a January 2013 poll by the Daily Mail, going through your partner’s cell phone is now the top reason why cheating and affairs are exposed.

But why do we snoop? When Hannah Rolf’s* boyfriend left his cell phone at her house, the temptation was too much to resist. “Of course what girl would not wanna look at everything that was on there?” she told MC. Of course, giving into temptation can have some drastic consequences. When Rolf was reading through his phone one night while they were in bed, she saw that he had been texting quite a few other girls, which led her to end the relationship. All this sneaking around raises a big question: Is it wrong to read your man’s texts or emails if you end up learning he’s been hiding things from you, or does snooping bring you down to his level?

Snooping may be a breach of trust, but it can also expose some untrustworthy behavior. The most common of this is evidence of cheating. Steamy emails, declarations of love, notifications from dating sites, and worse. Jessica Lee* found naked photos of other women when reading through her boyfriend’s text messages.

Sometimes, you just have a sixth sense, a feeling that something is up. When your senses are tingling and a phone is ready for snatching, controlling the urge to snoop isn’t easy. Such was the case for Allison Brady*, who became wary of her boyfriend’s relationship with his ex. After hearing him refuse to say her name and bitterly reminisce about their time together, she knew he wasn’t quite over her yet. When he started mentioning her more-and-more, warning signs went off. Brady’s snooping started innocently enough: looking through his Facebook to see if he had added her again. As her lurking continued, she discovered that they had been talking again and were planning on meeting up for coffee. She broke up with him soon after.

While her snooping was instrumental in the demise of her relationship, Brady feels that snooping is sometimes necessary to find out the information you deserve. “I would snoop again only if I felt something was off,” she said. “Otherwise, I understand boundaries. I’m not that interested in what my boyfriend talks about with his friends.”

It’s not always infidelity that women catch when they snoop around. Sometimes, you learn that they’ve been doing the same thing to you. When Lindsay Young’s* boyfriend gave her his email password, she started reading his emails. The snooping didn’t end there: When he borrowed her laptop and forgot to logout, she was able to search through his Facebook, as well. She discovered that he had subscribed to her check-ins in order to receive notifications about her whereabouts. Young stressed the fact that if you’re going to snoop, you need to prepare yourself for what you may find. “I guess when you’re looking for something, you’ll find it,” Young said.

When women find incriminating information through snooping, as you might expect, they oftentimes won’t stand for it, and they act out. Such was the case for Donna Crane*. Crane had a bad feeling about the man she had been seeing. One night after he had fallen asleep, she grabbed his phone and quickly scrolled through his text messages. Turns out her intuition had been right—there were texts from three different women in his inbox.

Instead of confronting him, she quickly wrote back to the other women in his phone, telling them that he was ending it with them, and he was getting serious with another girl. She then proceeded to delete all of his contacts—her own number included. Maybe it’s true what they say—hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

But perhaps the best way to satisfy your curiosity is simply to ask. Men with nothing to hide may be more willing to share the contents of their phone or email with you. “The easiest way to find out if your boyfriend is hiding something is to simply ask him if you can look through his phone and if he says no, well then there’s your answer,” Rolf said.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Is Sharing Secret Passwords a Sign of Trust?

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

The New York Times reports today on the naughtiest thing that teenagers in love are doing behind closed doors: swapping passwords for their Facebook and email accounts.

It has become fashionable for young people to express their affection for each other by sharing their passwords to e-mail, Facebook and other accounts. Boyfriends and girlfriends sometimes even create identical passwords, and let each other read their private e-mails and texts.

They say they know such digital entanglements are risky, because a souring relationship can lead to people using online secrets against each other. But that, they say, is part of what makes the symbolism of the shared password so powerful.

“It’s a sign of trust,” Tiffany Carandang, a high school senior in San Francisco, said of the decision she and her boyfriend made several months ago to share passwords for e-mail and Facebook. “I have nothing to hide from him, and he has nothing to hide from me.”

In a recent study, Pew found that 1 in 3 teens surveyed share passwords with a friend, boyfriend or girlfriend. The Times explores some of the obvious downsides to this, including obsessive scouring of a significant other’s account for signs of infidelity and using the access for sabotage when a relationship goes sour. One expert they talked to compared the pressure to exchange passwords to the pressure to have sex. Have fun with the latter, kids, but I urge you to consider digital abstinence. Here’s why…

There is something pure and romantic about the idea of sharing everything, and having no secrets from one another. But it’s romantic the same way that Romeo and Juliet is romantic, in a tragic, horrible, everyone-is-miserable-and-dies-at-the-end kind of way.

Email is one of the few private spaces left in this hyper-sharing age. Sam Biddle at Gizmodo says, “This isn’t about having something to hide—it’s about keeping meaningful boundaries in an era when there are verrrrry few. We all need whatever scraps of privacy we have left, and your email is just that.”

Pages: 1 2 3

Is He Only Interested in One Thing? Here is How to Tell.

by zfortadminin Sex

Women, forgive us. When we men are horny, we have a tendency to behave like dogs— pawing, panting, and begging like you’re wagging a bone in front of our faces.

But we’re not always horny. So for the other 98 percent of the time, you have every right to expect us to act like adult humans. Unless you and your guy have decided to stay in the booty-call zone, if you’re sleeping with him, he should at some point show interest in something other than getting you naked. So, worried that you’re with a guy who’s only after a good hookup? Here’s what to look for:

He skimps on foreplay.

You’ve gone down on this guy how many times? And he never repays the favor? Well—it sounds like he’s getting screwed, and you’re getting screwed over.

He doesn’t introduce you to his friends.

If he really wanted to integrate you into his life, he’d start with the dudes he hangs with.

He never asks about your friends. Or your family. Or your job.

Same logic—if a guy’s just looking for a f— buddy, he’ll avoid all the messy stuff. But as soon as he’s ready for a relationship, your personal life won’t seem messy to him.

He’s a little too busy to make plans.

You: “We should do something this weekend.”
Him: “Yeah, we’ll see.”
You: “No seriously! We should go to a movie or something.”
Him: “Well, maybe. I get kind of restless in movies.”
You: “What about dinner? You have to eat, right?”
Him: “Of course, but I might have to do this other thing anyway.”
He’s blowing you off. And even if you haven’t tried to initiate a non-sexual hangout, he should. At some point, he should just sit across from you and talk. No lingerie, no groping, just conversation.

He texts you when he’s out, but he just wants you to meet him back at his place.

A booty call is fine if you’re comfortable with it. But a booty call is not a date. Don’t convince yourself otherwise.

Pages: 1 2

Men Share These Inner Considerations on What Makes an Ideal Girlfriend

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

“What makes a gal girlfriend material?”

When it comes to getting a man to settle down with you, we’ve all heard advice like “hold out on sex” or “be unavailable.” But if that worked, nuns, Olympic athletes, and frigid work-a-holics would be like dude catnip. So, clearly, we need to go straight to the source to find out what makes a man wanna call you his girl. We asked a bunch of guys this: “What makes a gal girlfriend material?” Turns out, it isn’t a big ol’ juicy bandokandok. Their real answers might surprise you …

“A keeper is someone you feel at home around. Sex is good and all, but it’s nice when you can feel yourself around them without trying to impress them. Someone who makes me laugh is always a plus, or that we can laugh at the same stuff. Also, it’s nice to feel like I’m not the only thing that’s of interest to her, I like someone who is driven creatively and has their own thing going on. Otherwise, a lady is in danger of smothering and that’s no fun for anyone. A good lady should inspire you to be a better person, and vice versa.” – Robert, 30

“I know she’s girlfriend material when no matter what’s going on, you feel better seeing a text from her, or when she walks into the room.” – Brad, 28

“Hard to say. I think it’s personality and the way she handles herself in different situations. Someone who is high-maintenance, or can’t hang out with my friends is a no-no. So, I guess that would be it — she has to be able to hang out with my friends, but also keep her feminine side intact while doing so. And loyalty is a big thing too. Usually, when she’s hanging out with my friends, I can tell where that loyalty resides.” – Josh, 31

Pages: 1 2

How to Move On from Your Ex in Social Media and Elsewhere

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

So how do you start getting over the break-up (and him)?

We totally get it: break-ups are tough. When it comes to bad break-ups, we collegiettes have all been there–curled up on the couch with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, moping about our (now ex-) boyfriend and browsing though the newly posted pictures of him and his new girlfriend on Facebook. Getting over a break-up with your boyfriend is hard enough, but figuring out how to stop obsessing over him can be even harder. Maybe you constantly find yourself reaching for your cell phone to text him or you can’t seem to go anywhere without hearing Adele’s “Someone Like You” on the radio, but either way, you can’t get over him.

Regardless of what caused the split between you and your boyfriend, it’s understandable when you start to have hurt feelings and a sense of loss. Sometimes, you can fall into the trap of obsessing over the break-up, or even worse–reaching back out to him. But no matter what happened between you and your ex, it’s time to move on. So how do you start getting over the break-up (and him)? We consulted founder of Pink Kisses and expert on break-ups, Ellie Scarborough, to bring you the HC-approved guide to stop obsessing over your ex.

Unsubscribe to him on Facebook… or un-friend him altogether.

We social media-savvy collegiettes like to keep connected, checking sites like Twitter and Facebook multiple times a day. But there’s nothing that’s more of a downer than seeing your ex (in a picture with his new girlfriend) pop up in your newsfeed. While stalking your ex on his Facebook wall can be tempting, this only lets you desperately obsess over him. That’s why you should block or, at the very least, unsubscribe from your ex-boyfriend on Facebook.

Annie Pei from UChicago says that for her friend, breaking up with an ex online was an important first step to moving on with her life post-break-up. “A friend of mine unsubscribed to her ex’s updates on Facebook so he wouldn’t appear in her newsfeed,” Annie says. “This basically took away a lot of the incentive to look at his profile. She still did so once in a while, but the fact that he didn’t appear on her newsfeed took away most of the temptation.”

Evelyn, a collegiette from Amherst College, says that although it can take a lot of self-discipline, going on a digital hiatus for a while can be a great way to get over him. “When my ex and I broke up, I made a pact with myself that I’m not allowed to Facebook stalk him until I can be 100 percent sure that I won’t care if I see pictures of him with another girl (which will probably be in like another 5 years),” Evelyn says. “I still haven’t gone on his profile once!”

Pages: 1 2 3

Craving Intimacy or is it Sex?

by zfortadminin Sex

Hi,

After coming off a long-term relationship (think nearly a decade) I need to stay single for a while and rediscover myself. That said, good sex is something that I very much enjoy and am looking for. While I am looking for casual sex or friends with benefits right now, advertising this seems to degrade conversations to focus on just sex and I tend to be more attracted to personalities. So either I meet people who are just looking to get laid and the sex is mediocre because the emotional connection isn’t there or have a great connection and break hearts when I no longer want to hook up. I have also been in a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman in this time but I was struggling to find the space I needed for myself. And despite how good everything else was, I needed the space to find myself more.

Ultimately, I’m just frustrated. I’m learning a lot about myself and what I want. I have tried to be as upfront with everyone as possible about where I am and what I am looking for, but I only seem to disappoint and hurt people. Maybe I can stop caring so much about the people I meet and their feelings toward me, but everyone I have met so far has been wonderful and worthy of some respect.

Thanks,

Frustrated

Hey Frustrated,

A long time ago I had a voice coach who I saw once a week. This guy was incredible. He had a big wide grin and a gap between his front teeth and a voice that could hit notes I didn’t even know existed. He also had a rare ability to make me believe in myself. More than that even — he could make me believe in my voice. And while all this coaching and singing was going on, there was also sometimes a little chatting. I’d tell him about what was going on in my life and he’d give me some advice. The thing about his advice was that it was better than advice I’d ever gotten from anyone else, and to be fair, better than most advice I’ve gotten since.

Anyway, one time we were talking sex and dating. Now, this guy was cool as hell. So it struck me when he said, “One of the problems with having sex super early in a relationship is that it can create a false sense of intimacy between two people getting to know one another. Like, sex is a form of intimacy but it’s a kind of intimacy that, when you don’t really know each other, can serve as shorthand or escape when the emotional intimacy rears its head.” He interlaced his fingers and touched the tips of his thumbs together, and he held up his hands so I could see the hole in the center. “That physical intimacy connects you, and it’s a pretty strong glue. That glue can keep you together even when you shouldn’t be together, even if you don’t fill in the center with something solid that keeps your connection from slowly collapsing over time.”

I’ve been thinking about that advice for a very long time. Somehow it never quite stuck, as much as I wanted it to, and as much as I wanted to wait and get to know people. I ended up stuck to at least one person for a long time because the sex was so good, and I ended up feeling connected to plenty more based on what amounted to very little closeness.

PHYSICAL INTIMACY CAN KEEP YOU TOGETHER — EVEN WHEN YOU SHOULDN’T BE.

When I read your letter I feel the same sort of tension my coach was talking about, even though what you’re experiencing is from another angle. You feel like leading with your interest in “just sex” means you can’t find someone you have good sex with. Right, that makes sense! I mean, yes, sex with a total stranger can be great. Some people prefer to have sex with people with whom they don’t have an emotional attachment or don’t even know. Maybe, like you, they don’t want the entanglement. Some people think the emotional aspect can make sex too heavy or less hot or comfortable in the boring way. Some people find a lot of pleasure in the purely physical, or at least the physical as heavily privileged over the emotional.

Similarly, I bet you’ve met some strangers with good personalities and still had mediocre sex with them. But what I think you’re experiencing is that “leading with sex” doesn’t “degrade” the conversation so much as it allows sex to stand in for intimacy in general. You prefer to connect with people emotionally as well as physically. And that’s okay! Being close to and comfortable with someone brings in trust and allows you to relax in very special ways. You can perform a lot less, be a lot more honest, and (hopefully) learn how to please one another. It’s partly why sometimes (but not always) the first with a new person are fumbly and awkward, because you’re nervous and unsure and still learning each other’s bodies, desires, languages.

IT’S OKAY IF YOU PREFER TO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE EMOTIONALLY AS WELL AS PHYSICALLY

And hey, I’ve had what I thought were strong cerebral and / or emotional connections that resulted in some of the worst sex of my life! In those cases what I found was that selfishness plays a big role, and in fact, a role that I hadn’t previously considered. It’s okay if both (or all, depending how many folks you’ve got) people are equally selfish in sex — and maybe this is why a lot of stranger sex can be hot, because that desire to please the self is pretty strong on both sides. But maybe this is why it’s frustrating for many, because a lot of people want sex to be a thing both people enjoy. Also many people (especially heterosexual women) don’t know how to be selfish during sex, or are unsure how to communicate what they want and stop what they don’t enjoy. (Note: here I mean consensual sex, as stopping non-consensual sex is a different topic.)

So yeah, there’s a lot of tangling and disentangling, a lot of being unsure of how to mesh those fingers without either side getting stuck. But there’s another tension I hear in your letter, and I’m wondering if you hear it, too, now that it’s been a little while since you wrote it.

You’re a person who likes emotional connection. I think you are trying to be honest with your partners, but I also think part of the problem is that you’re not being entirely honest with yourself. It’s not simply personalities that turn you on, it’s personalities in people with whom you are able to feel comfortable and intimate and close. But that’s scary because that’s relationship territory. You want to be out there discovering who you are as a non-relationshipped person — which I totally encourage. But you still want to be close to people, to be intimate and caring.

What I think is happening is your partners are picking up on this desire. You’re saying “I don’t want anything serious!” but you’re investing in them emotionally and allowing them to invest in return, because that intimacy makes sex wonderful for you and them. Maybe you’re not going the full “we’re in a relationship” distance with your intimacy, but you might be going farther than you realize. So a partner hears “I don’t want anything serious” and then isn’t sure how to interpret your emotional intimacy as something other than “more than casual.” It can be confusing. Compounding that is the fact that people — all of us! — have a bad habit of ignoring when someone says, “Hey this is who I am and where I am.” Instead we focus on the cues and behaviors that play into what we want.

WE CAN NEVER FULLY AVOID HURTING PEOPLE WITH WHOM WE ARE INTIMATE, NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRY

Look, I can’t think of anyone who actively wants to have bad sex, although there’s a fetish for everything so who I am to say. And most of us don’t want to have mediocre sex either. I guess some people would be okay with mediocre or bad sex rather than no sex, but I am not one of them. You don’t seem to be either! I also get that you don’t want to be celibate either while you’re out finding who you are as a person not defined by that last relationship. But I think what you need to be is honest and up front with yourself as much as with your partners. You like emotional intimacy. You like closeness. Maybe you really like being in a relationship, even if you don’t feel ready. It’s okay to be nervous or scared because of a recent breakup, or because you don’t want to rush back into something and not give yourself time to breathe. I applaud everyone and anyone who doesn’t hop from relationship to relationship because they are scared to be single. But I also want to encourage you to think about what it is you’re really telling people when you’re with them, not with your words but with your actions and behaviors. I want to encourage you to think about what you’re possibly afraid of, and what it is you might want — besides a lot of hot sex. I want you to explore what kinds of honest relationships you can have besides “friends with benefits” vs. “monogamous, long-term relationship.”

We can never fully avoid hurting people with whom we are intimate, no matter how hard we try. But I believe we can mitigate the hurt a little bit by moving through the world with a stronger, deeper self-awareness, especially in terms of how our actions and behaviors affect and impact those around us. Other people are going to interpret what we say and do in ways we can’t anticipate or control. So get honest with yourself. Observe yourself. Listen to your own voice. Get a better sense of what you ask for and what you give, and of what deeper desires are really driving you. That will help guide you. I think it might even help guide you to relationships with people who want the kinds of intimacy you want right now, with the boundaries and constraints that allow you to explore who you are while exploring who they are, too.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

These Sex Health Benefits Are Just What the Doctor Ordered

by zfortadminin Sex

Sex has no barrier. No matter the differences between the partners involved, race, colour, age, or class, sex dissolves them instantly.

It needs no interpreter as sex speaks a universal language and aims to achieve same goal anywhere in the world. And no matter what name we want to call it, or our psychological disposition towards it, the fact is, sex is a beautiful and natural part of adult relationships which science and research has continued to reveal its benefits and importance to the human race.

If you are one of those with a negative attitude to sex, I have listed a couple of reasons you must drop them right away and improve your sex life.

And if you are already enjoying the fun of it, now it is time to explore sex for the great benefits you can derive from it because a good sexual health can improve your physical and psychological health, putting you in a positive frame of mind. One thing must be noted however, if you are not doing sex right, you are not likely to enjoy these benefits.

Sex promotes healthier sexual organs

Studies have shown that men who have five or more ejaculations per week while in their 20s cut their risk of prostate cancer by a third. Also, 21 or more ejaculations per month are linked to a lower risk of this cancer in older men, compared to men who have only four to seven ejaculations per month.

Sexual activity increases the flow of blood to male and female genitalia, causing it to function better and maintain a healthier condition. Women’s vaginal muscles also stretch and contract during sex, which makes them stronger. For the women, getting down could actually help our reproductive health. The more sex we have, the more we produce hormones that help to increase sexual desire, thus wanting more sex.

More sex increases the level of Estrogen in women which helps protect against osteoporosis, alzheimer’s, prevent endometriosis, regulates menstrual cycles and even helps to trigger the onset of labour and speed up delivery in pregnant women. Sex can help reduce the risk of breast cancer for women who have never given birth. A study showed that if a female increases the frequency of sex, she decreases the risks of breast cancer. Also, lovemaking strengthens the pelvic floor muscles that control the flow of urine, improving bladder control.

A study published by The Journal of Sexual Medicine reported that women who have sex less than twice a month fell sick more often than those who have regular orgasm. Another report by researchers from the Women’s Health Program at Monash University in Australia found that women who had more orgasm had higher level of energy, fewer illnesses and a better psychological outlook to life.

In a related research work, A psychologist at the University of Albany, Gordon Gallup, has discovered that semen consumption helps prevent morning sickness in pregnant women. Gordon affirmed that morning sickness is a reaction of the body to a foreign substance, and that regular consumption of semen will build the body’s tolerance, diminishing the effects of morning sickness.

Pages: 1 2 3

How to Tell if It’s Time to Get Help for Your Sex Life

by zfortadminin Sex

Relationships have sexual ups and downs — and that’s normal. Factors, from stress to busy schedules to hormones, can get in the way of intimacy and make our sex lives feel less exciting than they likely did at the beginning of a relationship.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your bedroom problems, it may be time to consider calling in some professional backup and seeing a sex therapist. “There are always one-offs here and there, such as stress, lifestyle, and hormones,” says sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, PhD, “but the real indicator that you need someone to address your issues it is to look for a pattern.”

Sex therapist Vanessa Marin agrees, pointing out that waiting to solve an issue can be unhealthy for your relationship. “Too many couples put off sex therapy and the problem snowballs,” she says. “If you’re in crisis mode by the time you land in a therapist’s office, you’re going to have to spend more time trying to address your anger and resentment than you will addressing the original issue.”

Here are seven signs you might benefit from sex therapy from Drs. Kat and Marin.

You’re Constantly Fighting With Your Partner

If you find that you and your S.O. are bickering more than usual, don’t get too alarmed. “What you have to do is make sure the fighting is constructive,” Dr. Kat says. If you feel like your arguments are getting unproductive and repetitive, a therapist can help you walk through exercises to turn your fighting from nasty to constructive. Dr. Kat, for example, works with couples “on getting them aware of what their triggers are, what the signs are in their bodies [when they’re reaching to triggers], and what their negative self-talk is.”

Once patients are aware of why they’re feeling what they’re feeling during a disagreement with their partner, Dr. Kat helps them with tools for managing their emotions and getting out of “fight or flight” mode, which encourages people to get defensive or abandon a discussion altogether.

“This can involve breath work, verbalizations, eye-gazing, advocating for two-minute breaks to regroup, counting to 10, or even reaching out for body-to-body contact in order to switch up the energy of the interaction,” she explains. “Also, having established ‘fair fighting rules’ can be helpful. What works can be different for every couple.”

You Can’t Orgasm

Let’s say you’ve been having sex with your partner for a while, but you haven’t orgasmed from it yet. While orgasm isn’t the be-all and end-all of your sex life, it can be a great part of it and you deserve to figure out what’s going on. Take a look at what’s happening in your life and your relationship: Have you been feeling more stressed than usual? Have you been communicating your desires to your partner? If it’s been a while and you still don’t know why you haven’t been able to come with your partner (and that’s an experience you’d like to have), it’s time to think about sex therapy.

And what if you’ve never had an orgasm — like, ever? Seeing a sex therapist is a great step. “The main issue is that women are made to feel guilty for not knowing how to orgasm, but they’re never given the opportunity to learnhow to orgasm,” Marin says. “They feel really lost about what they need to get there, and it’s hard to find accurate information.”

Sex therapists can be like detectives, working with you to pinpoint what’s holding you back from maximum pleasure and giving you action items, such as masturbation techniques, to help you get there.

Pages: 1 2 3

Relationship Resolutions — Why They Are So Important to Your Happiness

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

…more people regard maintaining healthy relationships as the most important factor to their wellbeing.

Whether your circle of friends grows every weekend or has shrunk down to a handful trusted confidantes, it is undeniable that we are all social creatures who seek the comfort and support of others from time to time.

But as with many aspects of life, from diet to exercise, we don’t always pay enough attention to what we know will help our wellbeing – and relationships are no different. The neglect our social lives suffer is highlighted by new research released by the Mental Health Foundation to mark Mental Health Awareness Week. It shows that more people regard maintaining healthy relationships as the most important factor to their wellbeing than those who cited healthily, exercising or avoiding negative habits including smoking combined.

Nevertheless, 46 per cent of the 2,000 adults in the UK who took part in the survey also admitted that they regret not investing more time in their relationships – a figure which hits 50 per cent among men. And despite the fact that most people claim to value their social lives above their physical health, only 11 per cent of people surveyed made it the focus of their New Year’s resolutions.

In response to the findings, the Mental Health Foundation is encouraging people to make a relationship resolution. Those who sign up on their website will receive a text on New Year’s Eve to check their progress, and prompt them to continue their efforts into 2017. “What we hear time and again from our supporters is how important friends and family are on the road to recovery from severe mental illness,” says Nia Charpentier, a spokeswoman from the charity Rethink Mental Illness.

“Having people in your life who are understanding and supportive, be they a full-time carer or just someone to share a cup of tea and a chat with, can make a big difference,” she says, adding that peer support groups are also a vital tool for many people.

As the taboos surrounding mental health have been gradually stripped away in recent years, the physical and mental impact of loneliness was thrust into the public consciousness by John Lewis‘s 2015 Man on the Moon Christmas advert, which depicted a young girl attempting to contact an elderly man enduring a solitary existence in space.

According to the Campaign to End Loneliness, social interaction can cut the risk of mortality and developing certain diseases, and help individuals to recover more quickly from illness. However, socialising can be a daunting prospect for those struggling with their mental health. But it is important that people do not become withdrawn, explains Stephen Buckley, head of information at the charity Mind.

Pages: 1 2 3

Don’t Assume Your Issue Is Resolved… Several Rules on Make Up Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

The best part of arguing, some might say, is what comes after: make up sex so good it could heal all wounds.

Make-up sex is a way to maintain your intimacy and bond together despite the disagreement. But before you jump into bed after a bickering match, experts say, there are a few rules you must follow.

1. Never have make-up sex out of spite

You can’t carry your anger into the bedroom, our experts warn. It can backfire. Instead, learn to channel your anger and frustration into passion. It’s all just energy. Make-up sex can be healing if you allow it to be. Allow your vulnerability to shine through.

And while you can’t go to bed still bickering, Greer believes make-up sex can be more passionate than your normal between-the-sheets action. It’s okay if this sex is a little more intense or aggressive, or not necessarily your usual style. Both parties are coming at it with heated feelings that may still be bubbling up from your disagreement. It’s okay to release that in your lovemaking.

2. Don’t assume just because you are having sex that the issue is resolved

Tabling your serious talk for dirty talk doesn’t mean you’ve magically healed your heated argument. Do not think make-up sex is a substitute for problem solving the underlying issue. It’s a bridge to help you get to where you’re going, but it’s not the destination.

Instead, think of make-up sex as a magic pause button that will help you bond before you get back to the real issue. Sometimes make-up sex can be a pause from your argument so that you can come to a resolution. You don’t have to agree about what you were fighting about to have make-up sex. It may allow you to agree to disagree.

3. Make-up sex shouldn’t be the only kind of sex you are having

You need a regular repertoire of sex that includes making up, but is not defined by it. Some couples notice that they develop a dysfunctional pattern of needing to fight before sex in order to have any passion. If this is your default type of sex, you may want to look at the relationship as a whole.

You should also never pressure your partner into make-up sex if he or she isn’t feeling this healing experience. If they don’t want it, respect their feelings and needs. Perhaps they need to maintain their space by not being physical.

4. Make-up sex can be a tool to help you forgive

It’s important to use sex as a tool to heal your hurt in the same way you do using open and honest communication. Not only can an orgasm relieve the tension you’re likely feeling post-fight, “make-up sex can allow you to connect with your partner’s vulnerability and remind you what you love about them.

Getting physically intimate can actually calm your central nervous system and help you derail hurtful dialogue by doing something more positive.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Would You Let Your Partner Sleep With Someone Else? These Women Share Why They Did.

by zfortadminin Sex

Loose Women’s Saira Khan caused a storm after revealing live on TV that she would let her hubby Steven Hyde sleep with other women.

The 46-year-old mom-of-two told viewers she had lost her sex drive.

She said: “I still love my husband, we cuddle and it’s lovely. But I’m not interested [in sex]. I said to him, ‘I’m just not in that place. You can go with someone else if you want’.”

Steven, 51, has since denied he has ever strayed.

Her bold confession shocked women nationwide and drew gasps from the TV audience – as Sun columnist and Saira’s fellow panellist Jane Moore reveals below.

But not everyone was surprised.

Here, three women tell us why they send their partners into the beds of other women.

“I know he loves me. The women are just one-night stands to him”

Lauren Lockwood, 20, lost her libido after pregnancy.

She distanced herself from a sex life with partner of three years John McFadyen, 23, after feeling uncomfortable making love while expecting.

With their non-existent sex life, Lauren decided to let her man satisfy his sexual urges with other women.

The full-time mom to nine-month-old Samuel from Blackburn, Lancs says: “We’ve always had a great sex life and made love three times a week.

Men need to make love regularly, so I decided I would rather give him my blessing to go out and have fun with other women, otherwise I think he would leave me.

“But when we had been together for 18 months I got pregnant and was not in the mood for sex any more.

“At first, it was the repulsion of having sex while carrying a child that put me off, but it spiralled from there into a psychological feeling of being completely off intimacy.

“I totally get what Siara Khan means when she said she feels like running away when her husband wants sex — that’s how I felt.

“At five months pregnant, I went off it completely and it has now been over a year.

“Men need to make love regularly, so I decided I would rather give him my blessing to go out and have fun with other women, otherwise I think he would leave me.

“Many women may think this sounds like a crazy decision, but I know he loves me. It is me he comes home to, so I am completely fine with him having sex with other women.

“When we are together it’s our time, and he spends 90 per cent of his time with me so that’s good enough.

“I have some rules, John cannot have a rendezvous with anyone I know, or from where we live.

“Also I don’t want to know details and he must use protection.

“I believe he meets the girls in bars, but I have no idea of the number of girls he has seduced — that is too much information for me.

“I’m sure I will get my mojo back in the near future as I’m only a young women, but I am happy with my decision until then.

“These women are just a one night stand to him, and mean nothing.

“My friend think I’m insane and would never let their partners do the same, but it is my life and I am very open minded.”

Care worker John McFadyen, 23, says: “I love Lauren, she is my world, and I’m very lucky to have such a cool partner that lets me have sex with other women to satisfy my needs.

“My friends think I’m the luckiest bloke on earth and that my missus is a legend.”

“He told me from the start he’d no intention of being faithful”

Maria-Louise Warne lets her partner of eight years bed others after he told her he would leave her if she made him become faithful.

Teacher Maria-Louise, 59, admits she was horrified when Tim Roch, 58, first suggested it. But Tim, a general practice doctor, views sex as just an act.

She said: “To him, sleeping with another woman is as natural as eating or sleeping. It’s a physical desire every human has.”

He reckons sex is just like going to a supermarket – sometimes you fancy bacon and on other occasions you hanker after steak. For me, sex is an act of love.

Twice-wed Maria-Louise, from Guildford, Surrey, says fidelity had always been non-negotiable – until Tim.

She adds: “We became a couple in 2008 and he informed me from the start he has never been faithful and had no intention of starting now. That’s why I’ve agreed to him having a long leash.

“He reckons sex is just like going to a supermarket – sometimes you fancy bacon and on other occasions you hanker after steak. For me, sex is an act of love. I’ve laid down ground rules. I’ve told him to lie to me if he’s going out to see his latest fling. He’s also banned from relationships with women from our town, I refuse to be publicly humiliated.

“Our bed and home are off limits to his extra-curricular activities too. He insists he uses condoms. But how can I really know?

“Friends think I’m nuts for putting up with his sexual shenanigans.

“Although it makes me sad sometimes, I put up and shut up.”

Tim says: “I love Maria and I absolutely see us growing old together. But as I’ve always said to her, ‘If you love me, you’ll accept me as I am’.

“Maria can also come and go as she pleases. The fact she chooses not to is her choice – not mine.”

“I never feel jealous. It’s just sex and I totally trust him”

Angharad Jefferies lets her partner sleep with other women as she feels it helps them create a healthy relationship.

Full-time mom-of-two Angharad says it means she and baker Tian Reece, 34, have no secrets.

Angharad, 26, said: “I’d rather Tian sleep with other women and I know about it than him do it behind my back. I never feel jealous as I know it’s just sex and I totally trust him.

“To me, it’s just like sending him off to see a friend then coming back and telling me about it.”

The couple, from Llanelli, Carmarthenshire, met on a night out in April 2013 and clicked. Tian was engaged to another woman. The pair began an affair and eventually he left his partner for Angharad.

I completely understand he feels the need to not just sleep with me. It doesn’t mean he loves me any less

But they feared their relationship could fall into a rut.

Angharad says: “We both agreed we could sleep with other people, as long as we told each other.”

But after a year, Angharad decided she didn’t need to sleep with other men.

She says: “Tian was fine with it, but I knew he still wanted to. I was happy for him to still sleep with other women if it made him happy.

“He has to tell me everything about it, and he always does.

“I completely understand he feels the need to not just sleep with me. It doesn’t mean he loves me any less. We have a healthy sex life so it doesn’t affect that either.

“A lot of people tell us they do the same.”

Tian says: “It is very nice that she lets me sleep with other women, it means there are no lies or doing things behind her back.

“It makes me respect her a lot more. For me it’s just sex.

“It’s happening all over the country – the difference is we are very open about it.”

Stress and exhaustion are the enemies of a regular sex life

It takes a very brave woman to go on live television and say she can’t remember the last time she and her husband had sex.

After all, admitting that your sex drive has stalled is one of the ultimate taboos.

But Saira Khan has faced Sir Alan Sugar in The Apprentice boardroom, so it’s fair to say little fazes her.

Just as well, because her comments on ITV’s Loose Women provoked a massive response from those who were either appalled at her frankness or applauded her for it.

I was sitting next to her at the time and am very much in the latter camp.

In fact, it’s very much what Loose Women is all about – a show presented by women who talk about their own life experiences that reflects many of the daily issues faced by its legion of loyal viewers.

Each morning there’s a pre-show meeting, in which that day’s panelists chat through possible discussion points. But often a confession is swiftly followed up with the caveat: “I can’t possibly say this on the show, my husband/boyfriend/mother/kids would kill me.”

So when the usually forthright Saira quietly admitted she had gone off sex with her husband, I fully expected it to be something she wasn’t prepared to actually discuss on air. But to her credit, she went right ahead and came out with it.

“We used to have fantastic sex life. I still love my husband, we cuddle and it’s lovely. But I’m not interested [in sex].”

She then made the remark that she had told him he could “go with someone else if you want” – an offer that she meant as a throwaway remark and he didn’t act on.

But there was an audible gasp from the audience as she said it and almost immediately the show’s social media sites exploded with viewer reaction.

During the next ad break, she leaned across to me and whispered: “Oh God, do you think I’ve gone too far? Steve is going to kill me. I just think it’s important to be honest about these things because if someone watching feels the same way as me, then it might help them come through it. My worry is that maybe I’m the only one who feels like this.”

Any misgivings Saira had about her honesty must surely have vanished after reading the online response. She had struck a chord with hundreds of women who have lost their sex drive while juggling the exhausting demands of, among other things, young children and work.

“Women are so many things to so many people . . . one minute you’re at work, the next you’re cleaning, then next you’re Mummy or looking after your parents . . . it’s hard to get in the sex zone and switch off,” said one.

Another commented: “I look at my husband every day and think how gorgeous he is. He’s loving, hard-working, 100 per cent loyal, an amazing dad . . . yet the whole SEX thing doesn’t happen.”

A 23-year-old said she had been with her boyfriend for five years but always found herself making excuses not to have sex.

There were hundreds of similar responses and they can perhaps all be summed up by the viewer who told Saira: “What a great woman you are. You will be talking for many who have stayed silent for years. Me included.”

The experts say that stress and exhaustion are the enemies of a regular sex life and who could be more worn out than someone with a demanding work schedule and energetic young children?

Going off sex at such a time is a reality in all too many relationships and finding a way through it is the challenge – something I know Saira and Steve will manage.

On today’s show Steve will join Saira and have his say on the matter – which I’m sure will resonate with the thousands of men who have seen their wives’ sex drive plummet off a cliff and think it’s because they don’t fancy them any more.

It isn’t, and it will pass.

And the more that people like Saira bring such issues out in to the open, the greater the chance that more marriages will pull through the sex wilderness years.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Keeping Things From Your Ex. Good or Not?

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

The relationship ended. You never imagined that you would be here. You stand in your place full of memories, looking at all the little reminders of the person with whom you thought you had a promising future. What do you do with the mementos, the gifts, the personal things that are left behind?

At Relationup, an app that provides 24/7 live relationship advice from professionals via chat, we were curious about how people handled the keepsakes they accumulated during their relationships after they had fizzled. We conducted a survey and discovered that 56% of people (70% women; 33% men) kept mementos from a past relationship(s).

Our data also revealed that there were 5 common ways people dealt with their keepsakes in the aftermath of their relationship.

They held onto a few unique gifts they loved. This group described keeping unique items (e.g. jewelry, vintage jazz shirt, sweatshirts, teddy bear) because they loved them and didn’t want to part with them—regardless of who gave it to them or the circumstances surrounding the ending of the relationship. One man commented, “I loved that t-shirt so much that there was no way that I was going to throw it out”.

They kept things about which they were sentimental. This group hung onto items (e.g. plush dog, ticket stubs, airline boarding pass, mementos from travel) because they represented meaningful and significant experiences. Some kept things that represented the relationship (“my first love,” “the first time time my heart was broken,” “the first time that I felt that someone was really paying attention to me”), while others kept things that related to an event/experience (“the first time I went to Europe,” “my first concert,” “being at Coachella”).

They kept everything and boxed it up. This group liked to avoid facing their feelings by packing up everything to deal with later. In the majority of scenarios, this was motivated by painful endings and people wanted to wait until they felt emotionally ready to do a post-mortem on the relationship. One woman commented, “I just couldn’t look at anything to do with him for months.”

Pages: 1 2