zfortadmin, Author at Love TV - Page 25 of 50

Author: zfortadmin

You’re Asked! How to Say Yes or No to a Marriage Proposal

by zfortadminin LOVE

Answering a marriage proposal can be tricky business. A heartfelt, “Yes!” is the perfect response if that is truly what’s in your heart, but what if you’re not quite sure how to respond?

Don’t be caught off guard. If you’re in a serious relationship and think your partner might be getting ready to pop the question, start thinking now about how you’ll respond.

Ways to Respond to a Marriage Proposal

A marriage proposal is a pivitol moment for any relationship since the futures of two people are set in motion by the answer to the question. Sometimes a woman can see that proposal coming and already knows how she wants to respond. In other cases, her partner might just catch her off guard with a surprise proposal. No matter how that proposal comes, it’s important to think about your reply before you give an answer that is going to change your entire life.

Saying Yes

Naturally, saying yes is always easiest when you’re both on the same page and looking forward to building a life together. A simple, “Yes” is enough to seal the deal, but maybe you want to say a little more to make the moment as special for your partner as you can.

Some reply ideas include:

Happy couple who just got engaged
  • “Yes! I’ve wanted to say that to you for so long.”
  • “Yes, I can’t think of anything I want to do more than spend the rest of my life with you.”
  • “Of course I will. Was there ever any doubt?”
  • “You’re the love of my life, and my answer is yes, yes, yes!”

Saying No

Refusing a proposal is much tougher than saying yes. After all, you’ve probably been in a caring relationship for a while before your partner pops the question, and you don’t want to hurt his feelings even if you aren’t ready for marriage, don’t think marriage is a good idea at this point in the relationship, or don’t plan to marry.

In a situation like this, reply ideas include:

  • “I’m sorry. I care about you so much, but I don’t think we want all the same things in life. I think it would be wise if we didn’t marry, at least not right now.”
  • “I’m flattered that you care for me enough to want to marry me. I’m just not interested in getting married, and I think you should marry someone who can truly give you the love and commitment you deserve.”
  • “I think you’re wonderful, and I wish I could say yes, but I just don’t feel in my heart that we’re right for each other. You may not see that now, but when you do find the right person, you’ll be glad you’re still free to propose to her.”
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7 Intoxicating Sex Positions

by zfortadminin Sex

For those times when you want to get a little bit ~intimate~.

Sometimes all you want is the kind of daring, delightfully dirty sex that would make Christian Grey wonder what the eff he’d gotten himself into. But on other occasions, you may prefer something that feels a little more emotionally raw, like you and your partner have fused into one amazing-sex-having being. Here, seven positions to try when you’re craving the sexual equivalent of the heart-eyed emoji.

1. Spooning

If you’re the big spoon, you get to play the role of the protector. As the little spoon, you feel enveloped in a cocoon of sexiness and security. Another point in this position’s corner: when you’re on the inside, your partner can try manual stimulation, penetration, or both if that’s what you’re into. Double duty is always a winner.

Netflix via shawshankedbylindsey.tumblr.com

2. Wraparound

Change things up from missionary position by wrapping your legs around your partner’s back so you can draw them in deeper. Not knowing where one of you ends and the other begins can translate into sex so good, you’re tempted to walk down the street with a megaphone and broadcast a play-by-play.

3. Sideways

It’s the face-to-face version of spooning, so you have the added benefit of being able to gaze into each other’s eyes, thus getting one step closer to peak sappiness. If you’re feeling inspired enough to turn your session into something sweeter than even the best of desserts, you can caress your partner’s face and whisper all the things that usually feel too intimate to say. Chances are they’ll return the favor.

4. Starfish

Yes, Marnie had a bad experience with a version of this on Girls (remember Booth Jonathan and the sassy doll?), but it can still result in electric sex with the right person. To get there, lie on your back, extending your arms and legs like you know you’re the prettiest starfish in the sea. Beckon your partner over and ask them to lie on top of you, matching each of their limbs up with yours. It’ll feel like you’re touching every inch of each other, and as a bonus, you can do a lot of kissing.

Pixar via mund0-meu.tumblr.com

5. Modified Doggy

This simple variation on doggy style can bring you closer, both literally and figuratively. Lie flat on your stomach and have your partner position themselves between your legs to enter from behind, or reach down with their hand. You’ll get full-body contact, and an easy turn of your head makes it possible to kiss throughout the action.

6. Straddling

Ask your partner to sit with crossed legs, then settle in on top of them, wrapping your legs around their hips. You’ll both benefit from the eye contact, and if you’re having sex with a guy, it’s tough to do regular old in-and-out thrusting. No matter who you’re trying this out with, you can rely on grinding and friction instead. It’s like switching from hyped up hip-hop to smooth R&B, except during sex so it’s way more fun.

7. However you like it!

Maybe you think the above moves are perfectly nice, but what really makes you feel more in love is submitting to someone else during role-play or looking down into their eyes while you do your thing on top. Even more than certain positions, vulnerability is what ups the emotional ante during sex. Something that seems hardcore to one person might translate into major swooning for you, and vice versa. In that case, the only thing you can do to figure it all out is lots of experimenting. Who knew homework could be so much fun?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Millennials and Dating…Hook Up Generation Debrief

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex

Did you hear? Dating is dead.

No, really. It’s been officially declared dead millions of times (according to Google).

And after reading some of these declarations, published in outlets like Vanity Fair and the New York Post, you might be tempted to agree.

People like to blame the demise of “real romance” on this thing called “hook-up culture” — you know, lots of sexy time with no strings attached.

There are just so many possibilities out there for instant hook-up gratification: Tinder, OKCupid, Grindr, Hinge … and probably hundreds of other sites and phone apps.

Seems like everybody’s doin’ it. So New York magazine decided to investigate. They made a video that takes a closer look at the phenomenon.

At first, it seems like it might be true: We’re getting married later, which means many of us are having more lifetime sexual partners than before.

But the folks at NYMag drilled below that trend to get down and dirty with the facts. And guess what they found? Hook-up culture — kind of a myth.

The General Social Survey (GSS) has been used since 1972 to track the experiences and attitudes of Americans every year. And based on their stats, it turns out that…

…millennials are actually less promiscuous than folks used to be.

So if the data shows that technology didn’t make us into a society full of bunny rabbits, why do people keep saying it?
Drumroll, please:

1. We tend to look at the past with rose-colored glasses.

Sort of like how every generation loves to talk about “the good old days.” (You know, when everyone only had deeply emotionally connected sexual encounters. Erm, no.) The official term for this phenomenon is “rosy retrospection.”

2. Young folks assume (incorrectly) that everyone is doing it, probably a lot more than them.

Listen, I’ve been there. Between overhearing all the late-night gossip about who’s hooking up with whom to watching “Undressed” marathons on MTV, I thought college was all sex all the time for everyone who was not me. Buying into this idea creates a vicious cycle where even more people think that everyone is hooking up, and the myth continues.

3. The people who aren’t the norm — like those outliers who have a whole lot of sex — get a lot more attention in the media.

Think about it: How boring would it be to read about Average Annie’s sex life (or lack thereof?). That wouldn’t exactly rake in the clicks. That’s why articles like the one in Vanity Fair spread so quickly: It’s more interesting to read about the Wall Street bro bragging about having four hookups in a night than the single Jersey girl swiping alone on the couch with her bunny.

Yep. Turns out that the phrase “hook-up culture” is probably getting a lot more play than millennials actually are.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Hotel Sex: Better Than Regular Sex?

by zfortadminin Sex

It’s not just you.

There’s something about getting down and dirty in a lavish hotel room, and it’s not that you don’t have to remake the bed. At least that’s not the only reason, according to the best excuse to book your next staycation ASAP.

Ian Kerner, a licensed psychotherapist and sex counselor, and best-selling author of She Comes First and Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man, explains to the Huffington Post that there are chemical reactions that occur in your brain upon screwing between unfamiliar sheets. These reactions don’t occur, at least not necessarily, in your own bedroom.

“The novelty of the hotel room is going to stimulate dopamine transmission in the brain, which pays a big role in arousal and sexual excitement,” Kerner says. The sensory stimulation of well-appointed accommodations also triggers a languorous feeling that can be translated as sexual.

But don’t forget to hang up that Do Not Disturb sign. The absence of distractions is another big factor in really enjoying the moment. And an overly determined cleaner is almost as effective a boner killer as a framed photo of your mother-in-law.

Just another casual reminder to use up your vacation leave before the year’s out.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Are You Paying Attention to Your Sexual Soul?

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex, Wellness

Ignoring this vital source of life has caused a lot of pain and distress for many people. Making peace with it, though, can open you up to deep wells of pleasure.

The human desire for connection runs deep, like a river that winds through an individual’s heart. If this river-like phenomenon can be compared to human sexuality, then it can run through different rhythmic patterns.

Some spots will be filled with passionate torrents; others will be serene and calm. Maneuvering along this river in a boat named “LIFE” is truly one of the human being’s greatest adventures. From a soul perspective, sexuality is a merging of both masculine and feminine energies into one. We all have these special gifts that lie within us.

Yet there can be so much confusion and angst within a person who is lacking this spiritual, sexual intimacy. An artist has found a way to bring these elements to life through their work. When the creative’s connection to intimacy gets stifled, then there is no energy left for creation. What causes this lack of creativity? It might be that the sexual soul has suffered an interruption in its internal program of love and light.

A picture, it is said, is worth a thousand words. One famous picture of art deftly displays the power of mixing masculine and feminine energy, awakening the sexual soul to life. In the artwork, both man and woman are represented as streams of energy merging together. The male’s energy enters the woman, and flows through her body to the crown of her head. The woman’s energy flows out from the crown of her head into the crown of the man’s head, thereby resulting in a never-ending circular stream of energy between both people.

The sexual soul’s purpose is to keep us alive and vibrant. Honestly, though, the struggle to make peace with this sacred part of our humanity gets short shrift. There are men and women who have suffered deep scars and wounds from sexual abuse and degradation in their formative years. Responsible adults took advantage of them, making these precious young souls their sexual playmates. I use the term “playmate” carefully because the harm that comes from this abusive way of life sends the sexual soul reeling for its own true path. People can get caught up in abusing their sexuality through daily use of prostitutes, pornography or even cutting themselves from the shame, guilt and fear that haunt them.

It is clear to me that some people find using prostitutes and pornography in their sexual lives as no big deal. So be it. Moralists definitely have trouble reconciling anything like this concept within them. Sometimes, it is the moralist who finds themselves engaged in these activities under the shadows of the night.

What does healing from this behavior look like? Certainly, there must be a better way than to cut off all sexuality from a person’s life. Look friends, while monks and nuns take vows of celibacy for their religious orders, it is hard to believe they don’t have sexual energy within them. They are living, breathing human beings. Therefore, they must have this vital source of life flowing through them, too. Of course, you can definitely make the case that this is not so and say that I’m reaching for some nebulous idea that makes no sense. That’s fine. Just remember, though, that the same energy that flows through you flows through me. It can be at different levels because of lifestyle, environment, false beliefs, true beliefs, etc. But I cannot deny the fact that I have a sexual soul. You do, too.

Writing about this subject matter for me is quite challenging. I have to dig deep within my own sexual soul to come up with words. There is nothing wrong with the fact that I have a desire for a healthy, loving, intimate, sexual relationship with a woman. Yes, I know there are men and women who will read this and are my LGBT brothers and sisters. I’d want the same thing for you, too. One theory bandied about among people looking for a more intimate path involves developing this type of connection through acts of service. From being involved with causes that matter to you personally or giving time to charitable organizations and groups, among many other types of service, it gets a man or woman out of their own inner struggle (if there is one) and allows a soul to mend. This can bring a lot of fulfillment and gratitude to an individual while he or she seeks nurture and security.

The sexual soul, again, is a vital part of life. It is the life force that helps bring human beings to life. Doesn’t it make a little sense to take time and really grasp what may cause you from enjoying this aspect of life? It would take another column for me to explain all the ups, downs and circles involving my own sexual soul over my lifetime. There have been relatively few healthy sexual experiences. I’ve delved into, for me, some of the darkest areas around sex that no person should be left to explore by themselves. The atypical “dark-room-and-socks” experience has typified my sexuality for far too long.

Thankfully, I’ve been able to move from this place into a spot where I can deeply appreciate my own sexual energy. I don’t waste it on experiences that deplete this source of love and intimacy. My sexual soul is active and vibrant, despite not having a girlfriend in my life right now. Opening myself up to new ways of intimacy is not easy. It’s scary and frightening, yet I’d rather take this path now than continuing on an internal mission of soulful destruction.

As much as my own sexual soul deserves attention, so does yours. I am definitely not the final answer when it comes to human sexuality, and for that you can be grateful. However it looks and whatever form or destination awaits you, I highly recommend giving your own sexual soul the love, attention, nurturing and grace that it so deserves. You will be a better person for doing so, and the world will bow at your feet.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Surprising Definition of LOVE

by zfortadminin LOVE

It feels so good to say and to hear the words “I love you,” but what do they really mean?

In order to talk about what makes a relationship successful, it is crucial to have a working definition of love. This is something you can remind yourself, and each other, of during the inevitable ebb and flow of any long term relationship. Defining love is not an easy task. Poets, philosophers, neuroscientists, therapists and just about everyone else have tirelessly tried to answer this question. Our working definition of love comes from what we have seen work for the couples in our practice as sex and intimacy therapists.

Of all of the couples we see in our practice, the couples who have the most successful relationships know, or learn, that intimacy grows and is sustained not just in moments of connection, but in moments of tension. Moments of connection, such as touching, looking at one another, having an enjoyable shared experience, talking or having sex are all part of the glue that keeps relationships together. Likewise, moments of tension including differing desires, disagreements, misunderstandings, hurt feelings and anger, if done well, can also be part of the glue that holds your relationship together. When you come to conflict with the intention of sharing difficult feelings and deepening empathy and understanding of one another, and you learn to repair breaks in connection, you begin to build a sense of trust for one another that you can make it through challenges. Since every relationship has tension, knowing that you can make it through challenging moments is also part of the glue that holds relationships together. Doing both connection and tension well are essential to sustainable love.

Most relationships start out with a feeling of attraction and then move into two somewhat distinct phases. The first is the experience of falling in love (the “honeymoon period”), and the second is the experience of long-term loving. Not every relationship moves from the first phase into the second, and the ones that do so successfully are able to experience a love that is not narrowly defined. In our upcoming book, Making Love Real, we explore what love means. Articulating what we mean by love helps us to understand why we choose the people we choose to love (even when it does not feel like a choice). In this blog series we will explore why we love who we love and how to sustain it.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Make Your Long Distance Love Work

by zfortadminin LOVE

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.

“Right place, right time,” people always told me about my quest to find love.

I found out recently that’s only partly true; you can also find love at right swipe. Two years ago I met my boyfriend on the dating app, Tinder. We both “swiped right,” which meant we at least shared some superficial physical attraction. After texting for a few weeks, we realized on our first date that a colleague of his had tried to set us up years prior. Yet back then it wasn’t the right time or place for either of us.

After six months of dating in New York, we broke up and I moved to Los Angeles. Shortly thereafter, you guessed it — we got back together — and have been in a long-distance relationship ever since.

Though it hasn’t always been easy, we’ve made it work, and you can, too. The following tips will not only help make your long-distance relationship work, they’ll make it thrive:

1. Don’t listen to naysayers

People will tell you that long-distance relationships are everything from hard to impossible. More often than not, those folks were in long-distance relationships that did not work. Just because it didn’t work for them, doesn’t mean it isn’t going to work for you.

“People who spend too much time together get sick of each other. When you have that chemistry and connection, and something to look forward to, it keeps it alive, fresh, mysterious, it’s all good,” said Siggy Flicker, relationship expert and author of “Write Your Own Fairy Tale”.

Jason and the author, posing for a photo with fashion designer Betsey Johnson in Philadelphia (Photo: Frank Wong)

2. Focus on the mutual interests that bind you

When I’m not reporting the news, I work as a host for fashion events all over the country and Jason is a women’s apparel designer. So, you could say we both have a “passion for fashion.” Throughout the day, we send each other e-mails, texts and social media posts about fashion news.

Traveling is also important to both of us so we spend a lot of time daydreaming up our next adventures. Since I am the technology-savvy one in our relationship, I’ve created a private, shared document where we post pictures, links, and travel tips from friends.

On vacation in Tulum, Mexico at the Be Tulum Hotel. (Photo: Micah Jesse)

3. Use as much modern technology as possible

Do you remember the days when a letter used to take a week to deliver? Probably not. I’ll get to writing love letters later on, but between texts, emails, phone calls, FaceTime, Skype, Snapchat, and Instagram staying in constant contact with your loved one nowadays is a breeze. “Do things ‘together,’ like watching TV or folding laundry. Even if you’re not in the same room, it’ll bring you closer knowing you’re having a shared experience,” says Erika Ettin, JDate dating expert and founder of A Little Nudge.

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Love Yourself Into Feeling Good in Your Skin

by zfortadminin LOVE

Self-judgment is one of the least effective tools we have for changing our bodies (or our lives) and yet it is often the first place our minds go when we realize our current situation is not quite how we’d like it to be.

We start blaming ourselves. The endless list of all the things we think we’ve done wrong starts to run like a ticker tape in our heads. “If only I wasn’t so lazy,” or “if I hadn’t indulged in that birthday cake or drank so much with friends the other night,” or “if I’d just work out more I would be better/thinner/sexier/have more dates.” We let the critical voice run amok, guilting and criticizing us left and right for how clearly we’ve screwed up for not keeping ourselves and our bodies in check.

Oddly enough, we try to use guilt and criticism as a way to motivate ourselves into different behavior, a different body or different habits; only to find a short time later that shame-based motivation has worn out and we are back on the same roller coaster of judgment/guilt/blame. Ever wonder why 98 percent of diets fail? It’s because you can’t change something from a place of not liking it to begin with. Beating yourself up never changes anything in the long run.

In a culture overrun with messages of how to diet, lose weight or change your body from a place of restriction, deprivation and the belief that “something’s wrong with me,” how do you do it differently? How can you begin to love something you’ve been taught to judge your entire life?

Take it on faith if you have to, but you can love yourself into a fitter body or a smaller number on the scale. You can love yourself into feeling good in your skin. Or you can love yourself just as you are and through that love realize that nothing really has to change.

Whatever you want, it begins with accepting yourself as you are now.

Acceptance is about having choice; when we don’t accept something, we don’t have choices, we only have opposition. But when we accept whatever is before us, then the we are fighting against anything and the options are wide open.

Love and acceptance are the only things that ever truly move, inspire or change people in the long run.

Even when most of our cultural messages are full of criticism and ways we should be embarassed of our body, you can take it upon yourself to stop the judgment and begin to use love and acceptance as the primary motivations with your body and life.

Here are five beginning steps you can take to change the conversation from one of judgment to one of love and acceptance.

1. Start by accepting yourself as you are now. All of you — your food choices, your habits, your physical body, your exercise routine, your mindset. This can be challenging when all you hear is the ticker tape of what you’ve done wrong or should be doing different. Accept your current situation. Accept that you made choices in the past that no longer serve you. Remember that everything is always changeable and acceptance is the first step to real choice about who you want to be. Anything else is just reactionary.

2. Take an inventory of where you are and what you’ve got right now.
– Do you exercise regularly?
– Do you drink enough water, spend time in nature, have screen free time as part of everyday?
– Do you listen to your body and make choices based on what will nourish it?
– Do you eat food that brings you pleasure and nourishes you?
– Do you do things to honor and nurture all of you, mind body and spirit?

Remember: This inventory isn’t about judgment, it’s simply taking stock of where you are at. Imagine if a store owner judged themselves and their sales the entire time they took inventory of their store. The point of an inventory is to take stock of what you have to work with. This isn’t a place for judgment or self-criticism, so don’t do it to yourself!

3. Write a desire list. Desire is difficult to feel good about when we keep beating ourselves up and thinking less of ourselves. But getting into a feeling state where you are excited, hopeful and dreaming (i.e desiring) is the best state from which inspired change happens. A few questions you could use to get started:

– How do you want your body to be?
– How do you want to take care of it?
– WHO do you want to show up as in the world?

Desires are our hopes and dreams for ourselves. No judgment or editing here. Whatever lives in your heart, write it down. No one else has to see it, this is just between you and the divine voices that listen to our dreams and desires.

Be specific. The more specific you are, the easier it will be in receiving that desire.

4. Give thanks. Before we can receive more of what we want, we have to digest what we already have. The best tool for digestion is gratitude. Include the simple to the extravagant. “I am grateful for the cool weather and changing leaves” and “I am grateful for the strength in my body and how much it allows me to accomplish everyday.” Do at least 10 gratitudes, daily is best. It’s amazing how it resets and focuses each day.

5. Remember that change takes time. Be patient. Be kind. Talk to yourself the way you would someone you love. Anytime you hear the judgment and critical voice creep in ask “what would I say to my friend if they were feeling this way?” And then say that to yourself.

This list of five steps may seem completely unrelated to what you’ve been told about weight loss or changing your body. This is merely a starting place, no list is ever going to hold all the answers for lasting change, that comes from within.

So go easy on yourself. If the judgment and criticism haven’t brought you want you want, why not try something new?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

The Best Habits of Happy Couples

by zfortadminin LOVE

SHARE A RITUAL

“At night before bed, I started putting wrinkle cream on my husband! At first he would protest and grumble, but now he requests it and closes his eyes and takes in a moment of pampering. And every day, he sends me ‘Songs of the Day,’ which we call SODs. He finds songs on YouTube that express how he feels and sends them as links via email. They always make me smile—I often cry. He started when we were dating, and they have continued. Sometimes I send them back, but his are always better.” –Christina H.

DOLE OUT COMPLIMENTS

“I seriously tell my husband at least once a day how hot and handsome he is. And every time I do, he looks at me and I SWEAR he gets tears in his eyes and says, ‘Thank you for saying that.’ ” –Melissa Chapman, founder of the sex and relationship blog I Married My Sugar Daddy

HOLD ON

“Couples should take five minutes each morning and each night to simply hold each other. This is a wonderful way to start and end your day. Though you may give a hug before leaving for work or hug your partner before falling asleep, this is a focused moment to consciously share with your partner. –Charley Ferrer, PhD, clinical sexologist and author of Sex Unlimited

KISS GOODBYE

“Every morning, I leave for work before my man. And we have the same ritual: When I’m at the door, I holler out, ‘Bye!’ And he says, “Wait!” and runs over to tell me I look pretty and to kiss me goodbye. We never, ever leave the house without kissing each other goodbye.” –Aryn Q.

BRUSH UP

“When we go to bed, whoever goes first always ‘butters’ the other person’s toothbrush so that when the other person comes to bed his or her toothbrush is already ‘pasted’ and waiting! It’s a sweet little gesture, a reminder that we love each other. (And yes there are definitely nights when we are annoyed with one another and the toothbrush accidentally does not get ‘buttered!’) We do this in the a.m., too…whoever gets up first to brush his or her teeth puts toothpaste on the other’s toothbrush.” –Stephanie E.

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Eastern VS. Western Sex

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

Sex beyond with Tantra

Tantra is one of the oldest known arts of sacred sexuality practiced today. Although Tantra has long been practiced in many eastern cultures, it’s just beginning to flourish in the United States. Born in India more than 6,000 years ago, Tantra emerged as a rebellion against organized religion, which held that sexuality should be rejected in order to reach enlightenment. Tantra challenged the acetic beliefs of that time, purporting that sexuality was a doorway to the divine, and that earthly pleasures, such as eating, dancing and creative expression were sacred acts.

The essence of Tantra lies in the ability to transform sexual energy into a spiritual journey into nirvana, bridging the gap between spirituality and sexuality thus awakening to full enlightenment and awareness. Tantra is a “practical” spiritual path and is practiced in sacredness. Since Tantra is practiced as a spiritual ritual, as with all forms of spiritual worship, there is an acknowledging and honoring of a divine presence or being. In the case of Tantra, this is reflected by acknowledging and honoring the divine presence of God in your partner and each other throughout the realm of the senses.

From the beginning, Tantric teachings passed from one generation to the next in the unwritten form of the rituals themselves, then later through writings known simply as “Tantras.” The Tantras were written in Sanskrit (ancient Hindu) and are composed of dialogues between the Hindu god Shiva and the Hindu goddess Shakti. Tantra means to expand, join or weave Yin (female) and Yang (male) energy between lovers. This joining of the polarities of male (represented by the Hindu god, Shiva), and female (embodied by the Hindu goddess, Shakti), incorporates them into a harmonious unit of one in which they reach the essence of their core identity through a variety of rituals in the mental, emotional, spiritual and sexual dimensions of wellness.

The weaving of the Tantric energy is based on the balance of the Chakras (energy wheels). According to Tantric beliefs, there are seven chakras which align the center of the body. When in proper balance, the chakras allow us to understand the relationship between our highest consciousness and physical being. Tantra focuses specifically on using the chakras to direct Kundalini (sexual) energy between Yin & Yang within the six essential elements of Tantra: Breath, Movement, Muscle Lock, Sound, Intention and Attention. When a deep interconnection is established throughout all of the six essential elements, the perceived space between yin and yang becomes filled with the light of Spirit. This spiritual presence activates energy between the two, joining them as one.

Tantric sex versus westernized sex

Tantra is different from western ideas about sex. In the West, we sometimes view sex as a source of recreation rather than a means of transformation. The goal may be to reach orgasm rather than to please our lover or connect with him or her more fully. Another key distinction between westernized views of sex and tantric sex is that the western sexual script has a clear beginning (sexual excitement), middle (penetration), and end (orgasm). Sex is seen as goal oriented, with orgasm being the end result and any adaptation from this script seen as wrong.

Tantric sex is not result or goal oriented, but rather, timeless and unstructured. In Tantric sex the point of sex is not orgasm, rather to experience the sensations and pleasures associated with intimate connection with a partner. There is no clear cut beginning, middle, or end. Most of the exercises related to Tantric sex involve slowing things down, trying not to focus on our external body, or orgasm, or anything outside of our experience in the moment. Without a focus on orgasm, sex becomes more about exchanging pleasures, awakening the senses and allowing couples to communicate on deep physical and emotional levels. During this time, lovers are able to establish an intimate connection that can be maintained and heightened as they transition into the sexual dimension.

Another major difference between the westernized way of sex and Tantric sex is the emphasis of breathing and slowing down sexual behavior compared to the hectic, orgasm-focused westernized approach. In the art of Tantra there are a variety of individual and partnered activities that are designed to focus on breathing and meditation. The activities and exercises help to bring attention, focus and intention into the moment, which allows for greater pleasure and sensation during the experience. In addition, breathing directs energy, frees emotions, and increases stamina and orgasmic intensity, as oxygen is dispersed throughout the muscles and bloodstream.

Tantra can be a very breathtaking journey — literally and figuratively — especially when practiced with a partner who is open to transcending into a spiritual journey while experiencing sexual ecstasy. The benefits of Tantric sex are endless, including the ability to delay orgasm, heal past emotional wounds, deepen connection with a partner, rejuvenate your health, and experience ecstatic sexual states. Practicing Tantra will increase intimacy, energy of attraction, communication, and spirituality, ultimately enhancing the richness of the relationship. Through its rituals, Tantra teaches ways to carry this intense focus of concentration into all areas of life. The rituals make it possible to enjoy not only sex but increase happiness in all other dimensions in our lives.

Tantric sex extends far beyond the bedroom by helping partners open fully to each other in trust and love through all facets of their relationship, creating a space for spiritual growth and personal awareness. As you learn to open to yourself to the path of love, you naturally open up to others around you. You begin to understand that surrender does not mean submission or loss of self, but rather a loving expansion to something that is much greater than you are. The practice of Tantra shows us how to reclaim the sexual intimacy that is our inherent birthright. Through this most ancient art, we discover new joys of the erotic pleasure and expand our moments of sexual ecstasy into a lifetime of happiness and bliss. The real essence of Tantra cannot be captured in oral or in written words. To truly understand Tantra, you have to experience it!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Enjoy Being Single During the Holidays

by zfortadminin LOVE

This year, I decided I would do something a little different over a holiday. For Thanksgiving, my family celebrated the weekend before. Since I didn’t have in-laws or a boyfriend’s family to visit, and had 5 days off from work already, I decided to take a vacation.

And I vacationed all by myself.

Instead of sitting at home over the holiday thinking of places I’d like to visit one day with a spouse, possibly feeling sorry for myself, or shopping for things that I didn’t need, I decided to take a trip.

I put my money towards an experience and memories that would last longer than any Black Friday purchase.

It was my first trip by myself. To say I was anxious about the details would be an understatement, but I bought my tickets, got to my destination, and had a great time!

I went sightseeing, saw some theatre shows, wrote and read in my hotel room with a view of mountains and the downtown lights below, and enjoyed the little luxuries of a really nice hotel. I was mindful about traveling around by myself, checked in with my family daily, and was able to get some great deals with smart planning.

The ability to do what I wanted to do and go where I wanted to go, on my own schedule, was a nice change and made for a great trip!

I gained more confidence in my season of life and myself. And it kept me in tune with God’s constant hand of protection over me.

In the past, I’ve gone through different phases of how I feel about being single during the holidays. The truth is, I’ve been single for the majority of Christmases I’ve celebrated.

Looking at it one way, this gives me freedom to do what I want with my time. It’s a sweet time. A time to have “extra” downtime with my family and friends while others may have more obligations to celebrate with their “other half’s” side.

It can also be a time that highlights the fact of singleness. It’s hard being by yourself without a romantic interest to share in the holiday with. That is why it’s so important to accept the love, covering, and companionship that God brings our way.

It might not be romantic, but it can be even more fulfilling.

So this Christmas, if you find yourself unsure of how to move forward through the holiday, here are some tips for making the best of it in during your “season” of singleness:

1. Love on your family and friends.

Your family, as colorful, small, or big as it may be, is important. God gives us the greatest commandant which is to love the Lord our God and secondly to love our neighbors as ourselves. So love on your family and friends! Enjoy the moments you have with them this Christmas. We aren’t promised to have them with us next year, so make this year count.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35 NIV)

2. Answer the infamous “Are you seeing anyone?” question with grace.

Sure, when you feel like you’re standing in front of a target range with a big flashing arrow pointing down above your head that says “SINGLE” on it, it can feel a bit overwhelming. And yes, sometimes the question can strike a chord. But remember this: The majority of the time people are just asking to ask. It’s not malicious. So check your heart. Make peace with your life as it is this Christmas. Try to answer with grace and a smile and remember the blessings you do have.

3. Do something different. Get out of your comfort zone!

I’m not saying to skip your family time, but if you have a chance to take a trip during your time off and do something you’ve wanted to do, you should go for it! If the idea of going anywhere alone seems sad or depressing, by all means, grab a friend or two and go together!

4. Remember that many people are lonely. Not just you.

It can be easy to live in a bubble during the holidays. To get on Facebook and see picture perfect scenes and think you’re the only one lonely this year. But remember that whether you’re single, married, divorced or widowed, anyone can be stressed, anyone can be lonely, and everyone needs love!

And when it’s all said and done, the main reason for Christmas, the get-togethers, dances, and dinners are rooted in the only important fact: The birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ!

Keeping in mind that Jesus truly is the “reason for the season” can put your own “season of life” in perspective.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

5 Ways to Meet a New Guy During the Holidays

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

During the holiday season, it seems like everyone has a boyfriend — or at least a hot date. If you’re single, don’t despair. You can find a new guy during the holidays; you just need to know where to look.

Gym

Head to the gym

Park your butt on one of the more complicated machines near a cute guy, then ask him to help you use it. Head to the free weights and ask the nearest hottie if he can spot you.

Go to a sports bar

It’s football season. Head to your neighborhood sports bar on Sunday afternoon. Plenty of single guys will be available. Brush up on your football facts to have some material to start up a conversation.

Brave it alone

Next time you are invited to a holiday party or community event, don’t turn down the invitation just because you don’t have a date. Go alone and you are sure to meet a new guy in the same boat.

Attend church functions

Around the holidays, you’ll find plenty of church functions and charity events going on. Make an appearance at as many events as possible. It’s a numbers game, and maybe you’ll meet a nice guy.

Go to the mall

You have to do your Christmas shopping anyway. Scout at the men’s section of department stores and look for single guys. If a hottie catches your eye, ask his opinion on a sweater or shirt for your brother or dad.

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Original Article

7 Ways to Enjoy Your First Christmas as a Couple

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE

Spend your first christmas as a couple with a twist!

Find a real tree and chop it down with an axe.

Find it where there’s snow and sprawl out on the ground to make snow angels. It’s one of the only times you’ll experience something romantic that simultaneously gives you the opportunity to pretend you are a Millennium Falcon passenger during a hyperdrive trip. Thank her for helping you pick the perfect tree, even if it’s not perfect. She’ll know it’s more about getting the tree than a comment on the value of the timber. Show her you can tether it to the roof with adequate knots, even if you’ve never been a sailor or a boy scout. (You need be neither of these — you simply need to be a Google practitioner.) Trim the tree together. Give it a little love.

Shop for your relatives together.

Make a big show of separating for a while so you can find her a gift — even if you don’t find something, it’ll show her you’re putting effort into the process. The magic of gift giving can be slightly diminished if the recipient knows that you at least took the effort to put on clothing and leave the apartment to get it.

Get something nice wrapped in a box that makes it impossible to determine what’s inside.

Let her shake it if she wants. Make something to go with it — a mixtape, a card, a napkin holder, a necklace made of macaroni, or a plastic model of a French horn you paint blue and hang on her wall. If it comes from your hands, she’ll appreciate it. This was true in grade school, and is true now.

Watch Christmas movies together.

Say, “[Girlfriend], you’re such a disease.” Build makeshift booby traps for Santa or burglars. Talk about shooting your eye out. Tell her you’ll give her the moon, so she can swallow it and it’ll dissolve and moonbeams will shoot out of her fingers and her toes and the end of her hair. Ask her if Rusty is still in the Navy. Maybe steal the posterboard move from Love Actually.

Celebrate once with her family.

Hug her Mom. Shake hands firmly with her Dad. Bring wine or liquor, but not both. You don’t want to look like an alcoholic. It’s more about the gesture than quantity or quality. Allow her to instruct you on the alcohol purchasing decision. Wear a tie, because it won’t kill you. Make sure you can maintain eye contact, especially with her Dad, even if he looks like he might want to shoot you. Go to church with them if they want you to, even if your celebrations of the holidays are anything but theistic. You don’t necessarily have to participate, and can just sit/ stand there. Many people go to church only on or around the holidays. It’s a thing.

Celebrate once with your family if you’re both comfortable with her coming home to Mom and Dad.

Make her feel welcome, and thank her for being the reason your Grandfather no longer starts every single one of your telephone conversations with “Meet any live ones yet?” Apologize to her for his inquiries into her entire life story. If you can, convey this with a look while they’re conversing. This may not be possible, however, because we are not all Ryan Atwood. Words work, too. If your family is old fashioned, set her up in your bedroom. Tuck her into your bed and point out some of the stuff from your childhood, if your Mom hasn’t already turned your former digs into a “craft room.” You always take the couch, or guest room. If part of your gift arsenal is a stuffed animal, this is a great time to present it to her.

Listen to the Bright Eyes’ or Elvis version of “Blue Christmas” one time and one time only.

Realize you do not need to listen to depressing holiday music this year. Freak out in a good way.

Just before you go to sleep, alone or with her, feel the happiness that comes with having a significant other at this time of year. Hope holiday season after holiday season is similar to this one. Know that even if they aren’t, you will still have this memory.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why Gay Men Give Great Dating Advice to Straight Women

by zfortadminin LOVE

There’s a unique bond between straight women and gay men, and according to one study, it’s because of the absence of sexual competition. Joao Paulo de Vasconcelos, CC BY-SA 2.0

Guy and woman laughing on bench

The straight woman-gay man pairing has been portrayed in TV shows like Modern Family (Gloria and Cam/Mitchell), Sex and the City (Carrie and Stanford), and Will and Grace (Jack and Karen), among other programs, for years. Over the years, this type of platonic relationship has evolved into one that is not only natural but mutually beneficial as well, especially when it comes to dating. So it’s no surprise a new study, published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, has found straight women trust gay men more with dating advice because of the lack of sexual competition.

Psychologists have speculated the straight woman-gay man relationship has been successful because women experience a greater sense of comfort and trust with gay men than in their friendships with straight individuals. A 2009 study even found women with gay friends felt more sexually attractive and proud of their bodies than women without gay friends — in part because there’s no sexual interest toward the gay man, and therefore no sexual tension. The relationship provides a safe place for both to let their guards down, be themselves, and be honest with each other.

Now, researchers at the University of Texas-Arlington have speculated it’s this lack of sexual interest and subsequent lack of sexual competition that enhances women’s trust in gay men— in part because they can believe the person doesn’t have ulterior motives.

To determine this, the researchers conducted a series of four studies involving nearly 700 straight female students at a major public university in the southwestern United States. In one experiment, a total of 167 women were asked to evaluate mock social media profiles of either straight women, straight men, or gay men. It found women placed greater trust in gay men’s advice about potential mates, but not in their advice about careers, when compared to that of straight people.

In the second experiment involving 272 women, researchers found they were more likely to find gay men as being more sincere when compared to straight men or women. This was especially true in situations where women were told “potentially deceptive” information — which could have led to competition for a mate or a sexual rendezvous.

The third experiment involved 128 women who were asked to read two mock news articles and then complete a series of tasks related to the social media profiles of a gay man and a straight woman. The first article described an increase in women and decrease in men on college campuses around the country, and stressed the competition more women faced when it came to dating. The second article (the control), meanwhile, discussed sex-specific sleep patterns. As you might expect, the first article enhanced women’s trust in gay men, suggesting they found it riskier to trust straight women when competition for straight men was higher.

The final experiment also found women were more comfortable forming friendships with gay men when they saw heightened levels of mating competition. “Unlike other women, gay men do not undermine women when they are seeking out mating partners. Gay men do not compete for the same men as straight women do,” said Vivian Ta, a UTA psychology graduate student, in a press release.

The study’s lead author Eric Russell also completed a similar study in 2014, which found this trusting relationship went both ways — gay men also perceived dating advice from straight women to be more trustworthy than advice from a lesbian or another gay man.

“This line of research provides novel experimental evidence that there is more to the gay male-straight female friendship than just what we see on TV,” Russell said about the current study. “Certain social psychological processes are, indeed, driving these relationships in real life.”

Sources: Russell EM, Ta VP, Lewis DMG et al. Why (and When) Straight Women Trust Gay Men: Ulterior Mating Motives and Female Competition. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 2015.

Bartlett NH, Patterson HM, VanderLaan DP et al. The relation between women’s body esteem and friendships with gay men. Body Image . 2009.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article