Dating Rules for the 21st Century

April 28, 2015January 22, 2024 by Lorraine Rockin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Does anybody actually date any more? It seems that dating rules may be an outmoded concept, but perhaps they shouldn’t be. Even if the way people meet in the electronic era may be quite different from 50 years ago, people still do meet, hang out and eventually pair up.

In 2012 a national survey published by a CDC affiliate concluded that though “people are marrying for the first time at older ages, and many adults co-habit with a partner”. In 2006–2010, the probability of first marriage by age 25 was still 44% for women ( a decrease of 25% from 1995) and by age 35 the probability of first marriage was 78% , by age 40 there was no significant change.

It would seem obvious that people are still finding love, and most of them still date, hang out or hook-up first.

Since it would seem that more people live together before marriage, and eventually marry (not necessarily the person they lived with, according to the data), does this mean that people are more sophisticated in their dating habits, or just more choosy? The third option is that people are just taking longer to grow up and take on adult responsibilities.

Updating the guidelines for how to meet a partner – and let’s face it, that’s what we are doing, however long it may last – probably has more to do with how we meet that when.

In the recent past, probably still in your parents’ generation, most people met through work, friends or family. Someone actually knew the person you met. (Of course there have always been casual hook-ups in bars or at parties, but these encounters were less likely to produce an actual date!). In the electronic age people have a much wider menu of options, in addition to the traditional ones, all of these options still need some navigating, and a road map (or GPS) is always useful.

Many cautionary tales have been written already on being careful how we meet through electronic media, and I won’t re-state them here. In fact, these rules fall into some logical groups:

Always find out who you are really speaking to;
Meet first in a public place;
Be yourself, but be sparing with personal information.

These guidelines actually make logical sense no matter how you meet!

Now that we’ve met, how do we present ourselves? What are the guidelines for behaviour in the modern era? Dating rules for previous generations had people putting on their very best selves, and presenting a persona that probably did not exist at all. I would suggest that this is actually a recipe for failure. As the song lyric goes “be yourself”, not every date turns into a romance, but could be the possibility of a new friendship.

Trying to find out how compatible you are, without sounding like you are interviewing for a mate, can be tricky. Using a tactic from the business world may help here. Active listening, as opposed to just hearing, means paying attention to what the person is saying, and giving gentle prompts, to keep them talking. I am a natural blabbermouth, so I know how hard this can be for some of us. Sure the other party wants to know about you, but dole it out in small doses, they don’t need to know everything on the first date.

It has been said that charismatic personalities have a knack of making the other person feel fascinating, as though they are the only person in the room. They do this largely through making eye contact (not staring, that just creepy!) and paying attention, i.e. Active Listening!

This also means that you learn a lot more about the other person, and they will probably find you fascinating too. Hopefully they will also listen when its your turn, but if they don’t that will give you some valuable insights into their personality as well.

Our parents had rules about how far to “go” on dates. Though this may seem old-fashioned it had it’s merits. Getting to know someone before falling into bed with them has been shown to lead to a better relationship. Introducing sex into the equation too soon may lead to the intimacy taking over. Its not about prudery, but caution. If the sex is mind-blowing, then that’s probably all you will do! ( Many couples have found that when good sex wanes there isn’t anything else.) If the encounter is less than stellar it will probably lead to a quick end to any kind of relationship, and you may lose the opportunity to make a new friend.

Making a new friend may sound like a boring goal for dating, but it has been shown that having friends, of both genders, leads to a happier and more fulfilling life. Keeping the initial dates light and friendly takes the “shopping for a mate” aspect out of the way, and may actually lead to a better experience.

Continuing with that theme, what do you do on a first date? Experts suggest that you meet for coffee, or at best lunch. This places fewer expectations on both parties, and limits the amount of time you spend together. Most people find that you know almost immediately if there is a reason to meet again. Trust your instincts, this is the theory on which Speed-Dating is based. In the business world it is said that you make a decision about a candidate in the first six seconds! That may be extreme, not everyone is a star right out of the gate.

So who pays? Accoring to old-fashioned etiquette, s/he who made the invitation should pay. Of course if you are just meeting for coffee or lunch it probably isn’t a big question. After the first date I would suggest you do what you would do with a friend of the same gender, split the check, or offer to pay – and “you can get it next time”.

As far as continuing the relationship, how about deciding if there is going to be a next time, at the time? I may be naive, but honesty really is the best policy. If you just didn’t hit it off, don’t agree to meet again, and guys, please, drop the “I’ll call you” line if you don’t mean it! A simple , “it was a pleasure to meet you, see you around” should get the message across.

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My Sex Education

June 1, 2015January 22, 2024 by Lorraine Rockin Sex

My sister and I were brought up up almost entirely by my Mom, until we were pre-teens. My Mom was a lovely affectionate woman, but she was so perfect that neither of us felt that we could talk to her about things that bothered us.

Sex did not exist in our household. We sometimes wondered how we came to be!

My Dad was a career Naval Officer, he was a vet who had enlisted at 16, and was rarely home, even in peacetime. He left the Navy after 25 years service, and my parents promptly discovered that they couldn’t live together. My sister and I were sent off to a private (all-girl) Boarding school, and my Dad shipped out to a contract overseas.

I had been a real Daddy’s girl, and was devastated by what I felt was his abandonment. I had grown up without brothers, but I identified strongly with my Dad and had been a tomboy, so most of my friends were boys. My Dad had told me that there wasn’t anything a boy could do that I couldn’t, except pee standing up, and I even tried to do that!

Our Boarding School was quite religious and was very rigid, sex-ed class was very clinical, just about Biology, nothing about sexuality. We were not allowed out alone, and our only visitors were our parents. The only boys we saw were at church, or at choir practice, so when I started to think about boys, I felt as though it was a “bad’ thing to do. Any good feelings I had from boys, when I could get near any of the choir boys, were repressed.

My sister, who was 2 years older, did not have boy-friends. I thought it was weird to like boys, only the sluts at school were into boys. As I grew up in this atmosphere, boys became a totally unknown quantity. I forgot how easy it had been before around my Dad, and became shy and somewhat afraid of them.

After six years in this stifling atmosphere I graduated at 17, and went back to live with my mother and sister. I went to College, and also worked part-time for my Mom. She was the manager and book-keeper of a private club, and I went to work as the DJ. Because I was underage I couldn’t drink, or interact with anyone so I just spun the records and I started to re-discover my ease with the opposite sex.

At the club, as a really naive 17 year old, I was at first unaware of the waiters flirting with me, until one called me a “Baby” and dared me to go to a movie with him. He was about 24, and quite cute (he was Spanish, with beautiful brown eyes and a shy smile, and just the right kind of charm). I picked up the challenge, and met him on a day off. He was waiting for me with a long-stemmed red rose, I was smitten.

The date went great until he asked me back to his place, which was a one-room apartment. The only place to sit was on the bed, and after a couple of glasses of “Orange juice” (spiked with vodka)I was dizzy, and curious, and we were making out. Without going into detail, let’s just say that the inevitable happened, and I ended up a pregnant teenager.

Lack of knowledge, lack of street-smarts, call it whatever you like. I call it lack of preparedness for the real world, caused me great emotional and physical harm. I was almost schizoid about it, planning to go to Canada, and throw myself on my Dad’s mercy. I couldn’t tell Mom, I thought she would disown me! Outwardly nothing changed, I continued to go to College as though nothing was going on.

One Friday afternoon in class, I started to miscarry. My friend Gina told me that I was going very pale then flushing, and looked like I was going to pass out. At 12 weeks, I went into a type of labor and miscarried, alone, in a toilet.

I travelled home on the underground, wearing a ton of pads, and, after making excuses to my family, had a long hot bath and went to bed. I didn’t go to a doctor, I didn’t even know that I should. I was so ashamed of myself that I told no-one. The next day, being a strong healthy 17 year old I went out with Gina, and vowed to forget all about it.

I grew up too fast after that. I became one of the “bad” girls, got on the pill, and for a few years became the kind of girl my old self abhorred.

When my sister became pregnant., I was 21, and moved out. I could not stand to be around as my Mom became the perfect understanding grandmother-to-be, and took care of my sister.

When I eventually did tell her, my mother was horrified that I had not told her at the time, and that I had never had proper medical care. She told me she would have taken care of me, after she had dragged the Spanish waiter off to the cops! She had often wondered why he kept asking her about me.

I was lucky, I had no lasting physical damage and though I had the kind of problems that most girls with absent fathers have, attracted to older men, and continuing to have relationship problems through my 20’s. I did marry in my 30’s and had two wonderful children, who know all about me, and have always been able to ask me ANYTHING!

One thing I discovered was that it is rarely “bad” girls who land up with unintentional pregnancies, they are far too savvy for that. It is the innocent and naive who become victims of sexual predators. Knowledge is armor, without it young girls are essentially defenseless.

If you plan on becoming a parent please remember that it is your duty to equip your children for life, knowledge about sex and sexuality is as essential for survival, as a good education, good food, and a warm safe home.

The Reality of Dating a Celebrity

June 22, 2015January 22, 2024 by Lorraine Rockin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

When I was twenty, I moved to Montreal from the UK. I had grown up in London, and was used to a big city. Montreal was relatively small in comparison, and though I loved its cosmopolitan atmosphere, I found it slow-paced. I soon found that my accent and my fashion sense proved to be quite a draw for the opposite sex.

In my first year in North America I dated a lot, and found that boys were quite different on this side of “The Pond.” In some ways they were less sophisticated, less polite and pushier. It was understood by the boys that sex was a part of dating after about the third date. Since it wasn’t understood by me, my relationships tended to be short-lived.

One evening, I went to a club where the cousin of a co-worker was playing. He was a minor celebrity, having appeared on a popular TV program, and was considered a rising star. I had grown up around stage people in London (my mother was a dancer and my grandmother a pianist, so our house was always full of performers.) We were introduced to “The Star” and I reacted as though I was just meeting a regular person, since in my family celebrities are treated as normal people with interesting jobs. The Star – let’s call him Guy – was not used to being treated this way, most girls gushed a bit when they met him. He was good-looking, talented and well-known, so he expected to be treated as someone special. My reaction was unexpected and he was intrigued.

Over the next couple of weeks, we went to see his show quite regularly, and Guy and I started dating. This is when I began my personal chapter of dating a celebrity and learning the many pitfalls.

Pitfall One: Fans

First of all there are the Fans, they interrupt wherever you are, and expect to be greeted as friends. Guy was a flirt, and liked to encourage his fans to keep being friendly, so I learned to expect him to interact with them. In fact he would often pretend that I was just a friend, so he didn’t turn them off. That was the second thing I learned, girlfriends of celebrities have to share.

Pitfall Two: On the Road

Then of course, there is the fact that he is here today, on the road tomorrow; and when he is on the road, he is single. Tours can last for six months, so get used to having a life apart from his. There is a reason why celebrity marriages don’t last; even though I would travel to visit him wherever he was playing, it was a very fragmented relationship.

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What I Discovered with My First Love

June 26, 2015January 22, 2024 by Lorraine Rockin LOVE

I was in my early twenties when I found who I thought was my soul-mate. We were from similar backgrounds, both boarding school kids, classically educated, but under-qualified. He had dropped out of University and I was on a hiatus from community college. We were both the unconventional members of pretty conventional families. Jan was involved in the periphery of Music, and neither of us had a real job. Jan’s family was wealthier than mine, but I had the advantage of an English accent, and excellent table manners, which won over his mother, if not his big brother. His father was an American who had gone back to the US after a messy divorce, and was only fleetingly in his son’s life.

We met when my musician boyfriend was on tour. Jan was a friend of his, had visited him in LA, and brought back a message for me. Jan and I hit it off right away,we became so close in such a short time, that we were like brother and sister. We were both younger siblings, and had each come from a family of divorce.

When Guy, my boyfriend, returned he moved in to my apartment and found work locally. Jan and I would go and see him play, and to my chagrin Guy would often introduce us to “fans” as though WE were the couple! The reunion lasted six weeks, and when the relationship began to flounder, Jan was right there to offer a shoulder. When the BF moved on Jan moved in.

At first it was a fairly typical rebound relationship: Jan wanted me because I was the rock-star’s ex-girlfriend; bohemian enough to interest him, and classy enough to be comfortable in his home world. I wanted him to prove to my ex that I had moved on, that my heart wasn’t broken, and that I was still attractive. We also cared about each other, which really helped!

In most ways that counted we were compatible, sexually, intellectually and in terms of what we wanted out of life. I was the more extroverted of the two of us, but he was also very social, and our apartment was always filled with friends, we were almost never alone. It was a wonderful life, and if I ever missed my ex I pushed it down.

We both went back to school, he trained as a Recording tech, and I as a Medical tech. we found a rhythm, and we became family.

Time went by fast and suddenly it seemed I was 26, and Jan was 27. I was working in a Childrens’ hospital , dealing with life and death every day, while Jan was working in a recording studio, where getting the right microphone for the drums was his most important task. He was working mostly nights, and I worked days.

I had matured, and it seemed he hadn’t. We had been living together for 5 years, Jan wanted things to stay as they were, but I was becoming restless, needing a change.

I felt that was no longer the same person that I once had been, and though I still liked to socialize, I no longer enjoyed the “sex and drugs and rock’n roll” lifestyle that Jan still lived. I was moving towards my thirties, and I realized that I actually wanted marriage and a family. My biological clock was ticking, and his wasn’t.

One of the problems of having a long-term relationship when quite young, is that we all mature at different rates. There is a reason why most couples have a younger woman/older man dynamic. (On average, husbands are two to four years older than their wives.) Young men are reluctant to commit while still enjoying themselves; on average they delay marriage and fatherhood until later.

I had often thought that perhaps we weren’t together for the right reasons, we were friends first, lovers later, which seems ideal, but I sometimes wondered if there was a lack of passion in our gradual growth to being a pair. Had we ever really been “in love”? was that a necessary component? was ours a “marriage of convenience”? It certainly wasn’t the grand passion that my previous relationship had been.

There reached a point in my mind at which we would either break up, or marry. Then I discovered that he had a key to my best friend’s apartment and they were hooking up behind my back. I guess he had already made the decision, and forgotten to include me in it! Diana was a tall blonde model, the complete antithesis of me – short, curvy and redheaded. (As a friend of mine remarked at the time, when your “marriage” hits a rough patch it’s not a good idea to have something that attractive in your life!).

We broke up, and Jan and my friend became engaged. They married within a year of our break up (I was not invited).

I have had many relationships since then, and though I have been married twice I have never achieved the same “soul-mate” status which Jan and I had. I regret losing him in my live even now. Perhaps it wasn’t a grand passion, but in some ways it was something even better. Too bad we were both too young at the time to recognize it. Though I cannot say that we have remained friends, we have been in touch over the I have followed his career, and congratulated him when he was nominated for a Grammy. We both moved on and have done well, our lives enriched for having known each other.

Is this Love or Convenience?

July 15, 2015January 22, 2024 by Lorraine Rockin LOVE

Have you ever run into someone you knew from school when you were in a different city? Even if you barely knew them before, you tend to act like you were best buds. That was what happened to me when I moved to a new city and unexpectedly ran into someone I had known from Montreal.

Antony had been a good friend of my sister’s, and also a friend of an old boyfriend. He had been married when I knew him last, and though we had socialized quite a bit I didn’t know him well. He was attractive and funny, and I liked him a lot.

Running into this old acquaintance when I felt lost and a little bit lonely, resulted in that acquaintance quickly morphing into my new best friend. Suddenly I had an ally, someone to say “…do you remember when…” and all too soon we were dating, and making plans for a mutual future.

Antony’s first marriage had been great, except for one thing, they couldn’t have kids. I don’t know all the details, but it eventually broke them up. He was a good Italian boy, and his Mama wanted grandbabies. I was listening to a ticking clock, and wanted to be a Mom.

I met his parents, they loved me, and soon, way too soon- we were engaged! When the fireworks stopped we realized that we didn’t really know each other. We had very little in common, and very different interests. I was a flower child, he was a rocker.

After six months we drifted apart, we saw each other a couple of times a week, but were finding excuses to be apart. He stopped buying me flowers every payday, and spent more time in his apartment than in mine.

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Why He Smells So Good to You

September 25, 2015January 22, 2024 by Lorraine Rockin LOVE

I once fell in love with a guy because I loved the way he smelled. He wore Eau Savage by Dior, and it made me swoon. It never had that effect on me when worn by anyone else, just Ben. He was a fellow journalist, and we really liked each other in other ways, but it was his smell that really turned me on.

Scientists have said that the sense of smell is overlooked in romantic encounters, mostly because we don’t notice it. Pheromones are ridiculously important in the animal kingdom, but apart from being clean, and putting on deodorant and perfume we humans don’t think of it much.

In fact, if we are too clean, and wear too much perfume, we may be confusing our olfactory (smelling) senses and confusing our romantic brains. It is said that the Emperor Napoleon would send a message to his lady love Josephine, telling her not to bathe, because he was on his way home from War! Now we probably wouldn’t want to go that far, but should we perhaps lay off on the deodorant a bit?

Some research even suggests that we may even pick our “soul mate” by subconsciously reacting to pheromones that transmit their genetic compatibility. A research study which had women smelling a variety of white tee-shirts worn by unknown males discovered that women consistently preferred the odors of tee-shirts that had been worn by strangers who were genetically compatible with them … and were actually turned off by those who were genetically incompatible. What’s more, the odors they preferred reminded them of their boyfriends.

Scientists are discovering that the hypothalamus plays a critical role in receiving pheromones through the vomeronasal organ (VNO) in the nose, and then triggering an emotion or response.

Until recently, the VNO was assumed to be an important organ in animals, but a vestigial organ—leftover from primitive times and no longer needed or functional—in humans. But in 1994, Dr. David Berliner and his colleagues at the University of Utah discovered that their 400 human subjects did indeed have a VNO, which, as in animals, detected pheromones and sent messages to the hypothalamus, which is linked to the limbic system.

The limbic system, your “primitive brain”, drives your more basic, less complicated impulses – emotional connections, your awareness of the environment and how you interact in it, the “fight or flight” response…your sexual behavior.

So should we all stop bathing and using deodorant? Probably not, but perhaps we should be aware that our own clean natural scent is the best thing to “wear” when getting close to the ones we love, Eau Sauvage notwithstanding!

Does Age Really Matter in a Relationship?

October 29, 2015January 22, 2024 by Lorraine Rockin LOVE

Statistically speaking most people form relationships with people close to their own age.

If you look around you, you will most likely find that your friends, neighbours and relatives are in relationships with people between two to 7 years older or younger than they themselves are.

Women have traditionally married men a couple of years older. There are a few rational reasons for this. In the past a woman wanted someone who was a bit more established than she was, and anecdotally men want to wait longer before they have families.

In my own life I have dated men up to 16 years older than I am, and also men up to 9 years younger. The younger I was it seemed, the older my partner was!

When I was 18 I had a 2 year relationship with a man of 34. He was just 10 years younger than my Dad, and was actually friends with him. I benefitted from his maturity, but eventually found the relationship a bit stifling. We were both volunteers for St. John’s Ambulance, and that was the only thing we really had in common.

During the time I was dating the older guy, I met a man of 22, and we had an on-off relationship for a couple of years. In many ways I was the more mature of the two of us, he was a musician and a bit of a skirt-chaser. The advantage of the relationship was that we had so much in common. We both enjoyed the same kind of music, and with that as a background would talk into the wee hours of the morning over endless cups of coffee, with our gang of mutual friends. My first really long term relationship was also with someone virtually my own age. We had similar backgrounds, similar interests, and in most ways were a perfect fit.

When that relationship broke down, I played the field for a few years and dated both younger and older men. Each age group seemed to have some advantages, younger men were mostly energetic, adorable and a tad insecure, awed by your profound knowledge! but had a totally different frame of reference. Older men were more likely to nurture and want to protect little old you, but tended to want to be “in charge”!

I remember telling one of my younger dates (He was 21, I was 30.) that I had gone to see the World’s Fair with friends, he replied that his parents had taken him – he had been 9, I had been 18, literally double his age! His tastes in music were vastly different, and his idea of a good time was dancing the night away at a party, my taste was maturing into an appreciation of Wine and Fine Dining!

My affection for him was almost condescending, and I did not like that he brought that out in me. I also found that men of my own age, despite the natural differences in personality, at least understood the same social and political references, and had seen the same movies that I had seen!

I had noticed that in many May/September romances of any kind, it is the power imbalance that strains the relationship, so if that is evened out in some way, by money, prestige, or even just personality, then relative power is not an issue.

In my opinion, similarity in tastes and experience is more important than age; but you are much more likely to find those similarities in someone fairly close to your own age. As you age, the gap can actually widen a bit. A 50 year old woman and a 40 year old man (or vice versa) probably have much experience in common, and, in North America at least, maturity is a great leveller.

Each relationship is unique, of course, what works for one is not necessarily good for another.

Problems due to different tastes can be worked through if both parties are willing to compromise. There are mature 20 year-olds, and immature 40 year-olds. As with any aspect of a relationship it works if you both really want it to. Just look at Madonna! – or maybe that’s not a good example.

Age may be just a number, and we are all as old as we feel, or as young as we look, Right now I am married to a man who is 6 months my junior, but looks and acts his age, whereas I look and act 10 years younger! The older I get it seems that age becomes just demographic information, and inside my head I can remember being 19, which makes me younger than my children!

Dating When You Have Children–10 Do’s and Don’ts

January 28, 2016January 22, 2024 by Lorraine Rockin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Re-entering the dating pool after a relationship break up is not always easy, we are often emotionally bruised and battered, it is hard to trust again when you have lost faith in someone you once loved.

Nonetheless hope does spring eternal, man is a pair-bonding animal …….. yada, yada, yada! ……..

Doing this with a child or two (or more!) in tow is even more fraught, both emotionally and parentally. I’ve been there – twice! Once with a 3 year-old and a six-year-old, and a second time when they were young teenagers.

After discussing the subject with all sorts of single parents, male and female, I have developed a list of do’s and do nots, from their experiences and my own.

1. Take it slowly, you may be delighted that you can feel something again, and excited to step out and have fun. You are most likely out of practice, try going out with a friend and exposing yourself to the new dating scene. In fact take it slowly all around, many counsellors suggest not dating for a full year after your separation/divorce or death of a spouse.

2. Date away from your own house; do not expose the children, no matter what their age, to a parade of one-night stands. (This should be obvious, but I’ve seen it done!) They will be confused, it sets a bad example, and they will lose respect for you in the process.

3. Make sure that the relationship is a “keeper” before even mentioning the new person to the kids. Either date on nights when they are at the other parent’s house, or get a sitter, and say you are meeting a new friend, which is true!

4. If you are fortunate and find a relationship which starts to develop into something serious, talk to the kids about what is happening, they are probably still hurt and confused, and no matter what needs you may have, theirs come first!

5. Introduce the new person as just a friend, keep it light and casual. Before you get too deep into the relationship watch how your date interacts with your kids. Trust your instincts, if something seems “off”, listen to it, and try to find out what is causing you discomfort. My “research subjects” told me that they had ignored this at their peril. Some said that years down the road they discovered that a seeming insignificant behaviour that they had noticed and discounted, became one of the reasons the relationship eventually failed.

6. When you have decided that this is a relationship you want to maintain, introduce the topic to the child(ren), but test the waters as you go, and keep it fairly casual. Perhaps go on a day-time date away from the house, and do something the younger generation would enjoy. If the other person has kids you might want to take both sets of kids to a museum, or amusement park as a first exposure. Tailor the activity to the kids’ ages, see how everyone interacts, and no PDA’s!

7. Never leave your children with a new date until the relationship is firmly established, and you would trust this person with your most precious possessions. Do not expect this new person in your life to be a baby-sitter, no matter how much they seem to get along with your kids. You are their parent and they are you’re This was mentioned many times by the guys especially, but unless it is an emergency don’t fall into the trap. Apart from the obvious danger of leaving your kid(s) with a relative stranger, it is an imposition unless it’s a mature relationship.

8. As in Rule number one, no sleepovers when the kids are around. This can be a problem, especially if your former spouse has already gone that route. It’s tough, but if you break up, even after months of dating you run the risk of inadvertently falling into rule #1 territory. In addition the kids may have developed some attachment to your new friend, and will be hurt if they suddenly disappear

9. Listen to your children, no matter how young they are. I cannot emphasise this too much. All my subject matter experts were clear. Verbal and non-verbal cues are there if you listen to them. I don’t want to scare anyone, but more than one parent has come to regret not listening to their kids, and having something awful happen.

10. Make sure from the beginning that your new other half understands that you are a package deal. If the relationship become serious this may be your baby’s new Step-parent. Make sure they know that you will probably always put your kid’s needs before the adult’s needs. This is tough for any new romance, but particularly if they have never had kids. You know the old adage, Love me – love my dog? Well this goes triple for kids. If you suspect that your new love (or their child) resents your children – RUN! This is almost always a recipe for disaster. It may be painful at the time, but you will be saving everyone a bucketful of pain down the road.

Of course you may have wonderful luck, and find your new “happily ever after”; you become just like the Brady Bunch, and everyone loves each other. Most people are great human beings, but we all come with baggage, and second marriages have a MUCH higher incidence of divorce than first ones. Our children are precious to us, and even though a parent should not become a recluse, and should expect to have a life of their own, if the kids aren’t happy – NO-ONE is happy!

Date with your kids in mind.

6 Ways to Be Your Own Valentine All Year Round

February 16, 2016January 22, 2024 by Lorraine Rockin LOVE

Empowering Take Aways from Valentine’s for Singles and Couples

So it’s the week after Valentine’s Day weekend – as the server at our dinner table on Friday called it – and many of us are kind of blue. We either had a less than perfect Valentine’s Day, or none at all! No-one treated us special, and some of us are wondering what the whole point is. Why am I alone? Its spring and I should be in love, shouldn’t I!?

Falling into the trap of believing that the retail sales industry has any part at all in what you should or even could be is a dead end. There is no time-table for Love and Romance, and it’s a bad idea to think you are less of a person because you are alone, or don’t fit into some kind of popular view of what life should be.

Many psychologists have proposed that in order to be a good mate, we each have to learn to love ourselves first. Ask yourself what your perfect Valentine would have to have done to make you feel truly loved on Feb 14^th.

6 Empowering Ways to Enjoy Valentine’s through the Year

1-Romance Yourself

Whether you are all into chocolates, self-indulgent spa treatments or a romantic dinner, you don’t need to wait to have someone fulfill that fantasy, if you have the budget you can buy all that “stuff” for yourself, and even invite another single friend (male or female!) to accompany you for a fantasy dinner out. And that works 365 days a year!

2- Galentine’s Day

A practice called “Galentines Day” has popped up in some cities, with single or married friends getting together on February 15^th to celebrate just being here. If it hasn’t reached your area yet, how about starting it off yourself, any day?

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