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Crave This in Your Relationship?

by zfortadminin Sex

What’s Your Perfect First Sequence – Sex or Intimacy?

Men and Sex

Women feel intimacy and closeness when they talk, touch, and share their thoughts and feelings with a loved one. They are usually more interested in intimacy than in sex of and for itself.

A feeling of intimate closeness takes time to develop. Therefore, women want to take their time with a relationship. They want to go through the stages of getting to know the man, becoming friends, touching, kissing, hugging and showing affection. Eventually they get around to sex when they feel closeness and believe they are in love.

If women typically require closeness and intimacy before they experience “good sex,” does that mean they can’t and won’t have sex before they feel intimate? No, it means that sex is often not satisfying, even when orgasm takes place, without that close feeling.

When some women feel pressure to have sex before they are ready, they think, “This man doesn’t love me for me. He only loves me for what he can get.”

They might even develop resentments toward men in general.

Men, Sex and Feelings

Women are probably even more of a puzzle to men than men are to women. Even though women are important to men, they live in this mysterious other world of menses and babies and rampant emotions and even tears that men can’t or don’t want to understand.

This man who is notoriously poor at figuring out his own feelings is even worse at figuring out the feelings of a woman. Just deciding what a woman wants from him in general is fraught with danger.

Many men see sex, though, as a way to get close to women, and possibly, even a way to please them. The fact that they are usually wrong, of course, doesn’t stop a man from thinking sex can make everything right with his woman. A cure-all of great proportions… “All she needs is a good f___ ,” is a common solution to male – female problems for many men.

Very seldom is that what she needs but that is another story…

“Don’t Push Me So Hard For Sex” Women Want Time Before Sex

One young woman told me that she has to have time before sex to get to know and trust a man. She has to see him in different situations, with different people, and talk to him for hours before she will “allow” herself to even consider sex.

She continued, “One guy I dated pushed so hard for sex, that I gave in before I was ready. But that made sex basically unsatisfying. Even though chemistry was there at first, I lost interest sexually. Once I decided he wasn’t a good lover, I was ready to move on. We never gave real love a chance.”

Another women agreed that time is necessary to feel a real desire for sex. She said, “If a man pushes me to sex too quickly, the relationship rarely gets much further than a few trips to bed. Then they (men) are hurt and can’t understand why I don’t stay in love with them. They don’t get it-I never was in love with them.”

Most women agree that men who push for sex before the woman is ready had better be really good in bed. Unfortunately, this is unlikely to happen.

For whatever reason, women are a diverse group in terms of what produces pleasurable sex. It is a rare man that can be a good lover to a woman without a certain amount of experience with that particular woman.

Women can forgive fumbling, partial or non-existent erections, and premature ejaculations when they are in love. They can even call up a certain acting ability in the name of love. But when love has not been given the time it takes to grow for the woman, she often labels the man a poor lover and the relationship is stillborn in the bedroom.

Some women learn to look at sexual-timing incompatibilities with humor. One lady said, “I used to resent being pushed for sex. Now I get amused at all these guys and their gropings. Most of them end up providing me with a few funny stories to tell my girlfriends. I certainly don’t fall in love with them, but I don’t get mad at them anymore either.”

And still others avoid sex. These women feel if they put themselves in the position to get what they want: affection, touching, and cuddling, they will have to do battle not to have sex.

So some women do without desired affection, particularly in the beginning of a relationship, to avoid pressure to have sex.

Why Women and Men Have Different Sex Timeframes

How can women and men have such different timeframes for the beginning of sex in a relationship? Two reasons stand out:

  1. Our society teaches females that “nice girls don’t.” When society has taught this lesson for years, it is hard to suddenly feel sexual, even when hormones start raging in adolescence.
  2. And, probably because of the lessons of their youth, women reach their sexual peak in their mid-to-late thirties or even later, rather than when teen-age hormones first kick-in.

Age is a leveler

As men and women get older, women usually become more interested in sex for the sake of sex, and most men learn to curb some of their sexual impatience, giving closeness and love a chance to flourish. So, for many single men and women, it can be true: love and sex are both more wonderful the second time around.

Without a doubt, the sexual revolution changed the sex scene for women. Fewer virgins at marriage; more women with multiple sex partners; more women having affairs; more women having sex openly, more women opting for sex only rather than marriage, etc.

Some women felt this was a change for the better. Others saw it as unfavorable.

The Changing Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors of Women

Working outside the home also changed women’s attitudes toward sex.

The Janus Report on Sexual Behavior by Samuel Janus, Ph.D. and Cynthia Janus, M.D., copyright 1993, had some eye-opening observations along this line. They wrote, “Our study has documented many levels of sexual and social changes for both women and men in the early 1990s, but we acknowledge that women’s, not men’s, sexual attitudes and behavior have drastically changed within the past two decades.

“The enormous and ongoing change in women’s social and sex lives has separated women into entirely different groups.”

The Janus’ write, “Work-life and a workplace outside the home have given a new focus to many women’s lifestyles. The innovations transcend income earned or the nature of the work performed; more significantly, they involve a personal sense of identity that sets these women apart.”

They continued, “In the women-C (career women) and the women-H (homemaker women) groups, we found that we had two distinctly different populations, regarding sex life and life-style in general.

“Women who work part-time outside the home offered responses that were almost always between those of the women-C and women-H groups.”

Interesting!

But more interesting still was another observation of The Janus Report, “One of the most striking indications of our data involves the unprecedented levels of agreement between men and women-C (those who work full-time outside of the home), as compared to women-H, who do not work outside of the home at all. New levels of sexual affinity and relatedness can also be observed, in sharp contrast to the stereotypical sexual roles men and women have had assigned to them in the past.”

They concluded, “No longer does the man alone decide the mode of sexual gratification; most often, the couple decides together.”

The sexual revolution was followed by the reality of Herpes and AIDS and the need for safe sex. Many experts predicted a slow down for sex in general and certainly a slow down for those out in the less-safe singles’ world.

Dr. and Dr. Janus found the experts were wrong.

They reported, “Approximately one-quarter of the men (24%) and one-fifth of the women (20%) had much more sex activity. When we combined sex activity.”

They continued, “Perhaps not too surprisingly, the homemakers increased their sexual activity more than the career women did (43% versus 37%). We felt justified in assuming that more homemakers than career women were in ongoing monogamous relationships.”

Certainly a major sexual change has taken place in American society. Assertiveness regarding the “when, where, and why” of sex rather than passive acquiescence to sex is now a prerogative exercised by many American women.

If the Janus’ observations are accurate, much of this sexual change was brought about by women taking jobs outside the home and acquiring a heightened sense of personal identity.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Pros-Cons: Is Having Sex With Your Roommate Okay?

by zfortadminin Sex

One word. Don’t. Don’t even think of it. Do yourself a favor.

Sex with your housemate alters the comfortable, familiar, even familial relationship you had before. Really. Sex is like that. There is a reason it is called making love. In reality, there are only two long-term scenarios going forward. One— you live happily ever after as a couple that might as well be married. Two—one of you loses your home.

The first scenario does happen. The second is much more common. Yahoo! Answers are full of young women agonizing about how to handle her feelings for the guy after a night…well, you know… They were watching a movie and he starts massaging and well, you know, one thing lead to another. Or they became very close when they both had relationships break up and, well, you know.. . Or they went out drinking, and, well, you know… Its easy to get caught up in the passion of the moment and to tell yourself, “its just sex.” Better to be wise, put on the brakes and ask yourself, “Is this worth it?”

The problem for housemates who have sex is that the relationship changes. Having carnal knowledge of each other, they are no longer just housemates. They might become a couple. They might even be a happy couple, for how long? How do they manage it if one person wants to break up? You see? Someone moves out.. But probably not before pain and hurt.

More common is that the relationship between the two who slept together goes wonky pretty quickly. One person’s fling is another person’s crush. Emotions are stirred, expectations created, the relationship is no longer easy and comfortable.

There is a loss of independence and privacy. What happens when one makes plans that doesn’t include the other? When you are upset and angry because you are hurt and you encounter each other in the kitchen? What happens when one goes out on a date? Or worse, brings home a different partner? In other words, someone – maybe both people – get hurt. Eventually, one of the housemates moves out but probably not without some stormy and painful experiences.

So if you want to keep your home a comfortable place to be, do not get sexually involved with a housemate.

For housemates to live together comfortably, it is good to impose a complete and utter taboo on sex with each other. I call it The Incest Taboo and it is my fourth principle for living with housemates successfully.

Yes, of course, there are exceptions to this rule. It might happen that two people who get to know each other in the daily rhythms of life find themselves falling in love. I heartily suggest a long conversation about what this means to you and how you will manage it before falling into bed. And if you can’t have a heart-to-heart real conversation about life and love, then you don’t have the communication to manage the changed relationship. If you are going to have a love affair, one of you should move out first, then see if the relationship works. I heard of a couple that did this. They met in a group home and started really liking each other. She moved out so that they could date. They are married now.

Do yourself a favor, have an incest taboo. With a firm taboo in place, a housemate relationship can be wonderful—kind of like having a brother or a sister.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Women Want Sex, Too

by zfortadminin Sex

Although we have come pretty far as a society in understanding that women are just as sexual as men, the cliché still exists that when it comes to desires men have more of them and more often, too.

But, of course, that’s far from true and any woman who’s embraced her sexuality can confirm that wholeheartedly. But because stereotypes surrounding women and sex still exist, Kindara, a fertility awareness app, set out to see what stereotypes could be confirmed and what could be finally thrown out.

The survey by Kindara researched the sex lives of 500 women between the ages of 18 and 65. They examined sexual desire, orgasm frequency, and just how important women feel sex is to their relationship. Overwhelmingly, although not surprisingly, Kindara found that women do put some heavy importance on sex with the majority of them wanting it more than they’re getting it. Apparently once a week just won’t cut it for the majority of ladies out there.

What the results of the survey reveal, among other things, is that women are equal to men when it comes to sexual desires and to assume otherwise is wrong. Thinking that women are somehow less interested in sex is simply a decades-old thinking that needs to cease. Here are six facts about women’s sexuality that Kindara uncovered in their survey.

1. The Majority Of Women Think Sex Is Very Important To A Relationship

According to the survey, 89.2 percent of women think that sex is “very” or “somewhat” important to their overall relationship satisfaction, which makes perfect sex. Happy relationships are the ones where sex and intimacy reign supreme.

2. Over Half Of Women Want More Sex

Although we’re supposed to believe that it’s women who are holding out in the bedroom while men want more sexy times, Kindara found out something else: It’s the ladies who want more. Of those surveyed, 53.2 percent of women want more sex than they’re currently getting from their partner. In fact, less than half, at 46.8 percent, felt satisfied in having their sexual desires fulfilled.

3. Over 60 Percent Of Women Want Sex Three To Five Times A Week

In findings that really blew archaic stereotypes out the window, 60.8 percent of women desire sex three to five times a week. But for some women even that’s not enough! According to the survey, 10.2 percent of women want sex six to eight times a week ― who has enough time in the week for such a thing?!

4. Majority Of Women Put Emotional Connection Above All Else When It Comes To Sex

We hear a lot about how women love foreplay ― and we do! ― but as Kindara found what we like even more than foreplay is having an emotional connection. Of those surveyed, 53.2 percent felt that an emotional was essential for great sex, 23.6 percent believed foreplay was a deciding factor in awesome sex, and 10.4 percent rated communication as most important.

5. Most Women Orgasm At Least Once During Sex

Although women reaching orgasm still remains a struggle for many, the good news is that the amount of women who are able to orgasm at least once during sex is at 72.6 percent. Within that range, 38.6 percent had an orgasm once, 10.2 percent had multiple orgasms, and 23.8 percent could report that they had an orgasm “often.”

6. Stress Is The One Thing That Can Mess With A Woman’s Sex Drive

For 39.2 percent of women, stress is the top factor that can negatively affect their sex life. The other top culprits that can make a woman not want to get it on are being out of sync with their partners at 28.2 percent, not being in the mood at 20.2 percent, and struggling with their self-image at 20 percent. For 18 percent of women, there are no factors, like none at all, that stand in the way of them having sex.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Slow Sex or Hot Sex: What is More Fulfilling?

by zfortadminin Sex

Slow sex or Hot sex?

Couples often tell me they like their hot sex life and wonder why my partner, Tim and I are so enchanted by slow sex. The answer is simple. We both liked our hot sex life too but we were aware – as Tim had been reading spiritual teacher Barry Long’s books like – Making Love: Sexual Love the Divine Way – that there was another kind of making love available which meant we could rise to new levels of connection with each other in a soul/spiritual way.

Over the years, we have gradually learnt to be with each other in a different way, in a more present way, in a more heart-open way, in a way where we profoundly relax into each other because orgasm is not the goal, we find that another more soulful sexual energy arises.

Sometimes, I describe our sex life before as like paddling in a stream, whereas now we are swimming freely in the wide-open ocean. It’s a time we decide to spend together consciously where we might be gazing at one another while Tim’s penis is inside me, or he might be holding my breasts, or I might be holding his penis. Or simply lying together naked gently caressing each other. This and much more is all slow sex.

There is a misnomer with regards to slow sex, it does not mean being still all the time. Slow sex refers to the idea that you become more conscious and aware of what you are doing and how you are doing it, it means to take time to become present in your own body so that you can truly be present with each other. That’s the most significant guideline and it does take time and practice.

The other day I was talking to a male friend and he said that he and his ex-partner of 8 years, never gazed at each other when they were making love. He sounded sad when he said it. Often because it requires a level of vulnerability, couples find it difficult to connect intimately while having sex. Over the years, this is what we have discovered and why we’re so keen to support other couples find this new level with each other.

However there are no rules involved. Slow sex may include a lot of movement, and it may not. It’s very much about the freedom to be real with each other and to inhabit that moment as fully as possible. And it’s not about taking hours to do it. Sometimes, we spend as little as 20 or 30 minutes connecting in this way, and it’s enough to ground us in loving relationship which helps us feel bonded with ourselves and with each other for the rest of the day.

I recommend slow sex on other levels as well. For instance, it enhances my sense of well-being, my inner peace and increases my levels of loving generosity too, which in turn affects my other relationships and interactions in the world. It also has an effect on my creativity. I have some of my best ideas while hanging out making love.

In her book Slow Sex: The Path to Fulfilling and Sustainable Sex, Diana Richardson describes slow sex as a revolutionary practice for couples to enhance sexuality and reach a higher state of consciousness. She also talks about how slow sex is a way to increase sensitivity and that is certainly what has happened to Tim and I. Sex that focuses on orgasm as a goal means you are constantly looking ahead, not really present, while slow sex enables you both to simply focus on the myriad of subtle delightful feelings all along the way.

5 Keys to Slow Sex

1) Slow sex turns sex into a conscious decision rather than an accidental encounter.

2) Focusing on eye contact, subtle sensations and deep breathing, slow sex awakens the body’s innate mechanism for ecstasy.

3) Slow sex transforms sex into a meditative, loving union of complementary equal and opposite forces and energies.

4) With the emphasis on coolness rather than heat, this practice provides couples with a way to achieve higher consciousness.

5) The practice of slow sex includes deep penetration as well as soft penetration and offers a style that can be enjoyed well into old age.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Intimate Cuddling Positions For Bonding With Your Man

by zfortadminin Sex

One of the best ways to bond with your man is snuggling. It releases the hormone oxytocin, your body’s love signal.

Physical contact is also a fun way to spend time together, and gives you lots of opportunity for pillow talk. The best cuddling positions are dependent on your mood and situation, but here are ten great options for day or night.

1. GETTING SPOONED

This cuddling position is one of the absolute best ways to spend super-close, super-snuggly time together. Spooning involves lying on your side in the same direction as your guy, and cuddling up with your rear up against his front just like in the picture above. Plus, most women are smaller than men, which means they fit perfectly into the contours of their favorite guy’s body.

This is an all-purpose position that doesn’t require a soft bed or couch, since you’re lying on your side, so it works well for picnics in the park, camping, and other outdoorsy moments.

2. SPOONING YOUR MAN

Of course, you can also reverse this cuddling position. Men like to feel cared for and protected too, so give your guy those feelings he craves by wrapping your arms around him and cuddling up to his back. This is a perfect way to incorporate a backrub too, which is sure to up your guy’s love for you. Or reach around and grab his hands for total entwinement.

3. LYING ON HIS STOMACH

We tend to think of cuddling as an after-sex activity, but some cozy snuggles can also get things going, and lying on your guy’s stomach is one of the best cuddling positions for this. When he’s on his back, turn over and lay partially on him, with your head on his chest and your torso on his torso.

This is a perfect arrangement for lying and talking for hours or slowly moving toward something sexier. For extra steaminess, start in this cuddling position with your clothes on and slowly take them off, piece by piece.

4. LYING ON TOP OF HIM

This position for cuddling requires some serious commitment, because you have to climb all the way on top of your man. Therefore it probably isn’t the best bet if you guys aren’t lying on something comfortable, but either way, it’s bound to be cozy for you! Have him spread his legs a bit so you can fit one of yours between his for extra closeness. It’s also the perfect position to start the Man Missionary position from.

5. SITTING IN HIS LAP

This position for cuddling is excellent for watching a movie, eating snacks, chilling out or watching the sun set. Because it’s far more appropriate than most of the lying-down positions, you don’t need to worry about keeping it ‘clean’ for your grandmother or little brothers. That makes it a good way to stay close even on a busy day or when there are lots of people around, which is good, because on these days you both often need an extra hit of love and TLC.

It’s also perfect for moving into something like the Back Seat Driver sex position.

6. LYING UNDERNEATH HIM

Of course, this is another of those cuddling positions that bears a large resemblance to sexy times, but it doesn’t have to result in amorous activities like the good old fashioned Missionary position. Lying underneath your guy is a great way to feel close to one another and to lay face to face, or can offer great opportunities for a little low-stakes making out that goes nowhere…perfect for a quiet evening in.

7. SNUGGLING FACE TO FACE

One of the coziest cuddling positions for talking, snuggling face to face offers you lots of opportunity to gaze lovingly at your man. Simply turn toward each other in the bed or even on a couch, holding hands or putting your arms around each other like in the Lotus position. If you like, you can even curl your legs up into a fetal position and he can bend his body around you for even more closeness.

What’s not to like?

But keep in mind that during the day, this position offers lots of opportunity for your guy to notice your hair and face, so it may not be the best approach after a late night or when your mascara needs washing off.

8. HOLDING HANDS WHILE LYING ON YOUR STOMACHS

This cuddling position gives you both a little more freedom of movement. Simply lie down on your tummies and reach into the shared space (which some of us think of as “the neutral zone”) to hold hands. This is perfect for slowly falling asleep with some contact, or for talking till dawn. More of a back sleeper? No problem … this works equally well for those that prefer to lay on their bums, and can even be adapted so that one member of the couple lies one way and one lies the other.

9. INTERTWINING YOUR LEGS

If you enjoy snuggled up legs, you might like a cuddling position that leaves your torsos and arms free to do what they like and entwines your legs together. This position can work with you facing each other, with one of you spooning the other, or with both of you on your stomachs or backs. Simply entangle your legs, wrapping yours around his and playing footsie if you get the opportunity!

10. CUDDLING BACK TO BACK

A great cuddling position for falling asleep, snuggling up back to back allows you to feel your guy’s warmth and appreciate his proximity without having to do much. It’s best for cozying up under warm blankets as you drift off and gaze out the window or enjoy a little late-night pillow talk. You can even reach behind you and grab a hand.

Working on your relationship can take many forms, but one of the easiest and most enjoyable ways to do it is simply to snuggle up. Take every opportunity you can to get close to your man in the living room, out in public, and especially in the bedroom. You’ll be glad you did!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Best Reasons to Hold Out (for Sex)

by zfortadminin Sex

The discussion about whether holding out is going to make a guy more interested in a serious relationship than he would be if you guys do the deed early–I’ll say that I agree with my guy friends.

My sense is that it doesn’t matter how long you wait to have sex.

Regardless, I recently decided I’m not going to have sex with any new guy until I’ve been dating him at least two months.

Why?

Well, I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum. I’ve waited too long to have sex–and I’ve done it too soon. Neither is so great.

As I think I’ve mentioned, I didn’t lose my virginity till I was TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD–which is an example of waiting a little too long. I was waiting to find the one true love of my life, so I told myself. That kind of thing might work out well in certain Amish, Hasidic or Muslim communities, but I run with a crowd that is, dare I say, a little more hip than that. And if I had to do it all over again, I’d have gotten the whole virginity thing out of the way A LOT SOONER. Waiting for marriage does not seem terribly worth doing, to me.

After becoming de-virginized, I have waited different amounts of time to have sex, depending on the guy. For instance, I knew my pal Jake Stein for more than a year before we even started dating. On the other hand, I slept with another guy on our second date–not usually the way I roll. But it felt so right–and he was so willing to wait, and so sweet about doing whatever I wanted to do–that I didn’t question it at all. He and I agreed that night to stop seeing other people, and we went on to date for four months, which is close to a record amount of time for me.

However, very recently, I had a bad experience after having sex too early on–after dating a very mature 25-year-old guy for less than a month. Before we met, he’d made it perfectly clear that he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship; and after we met, he told me he’s planning on leaving New York once he finishes up grad school next year … whereas I have no plans to leave anytime soon. Regardless, I thought I could handle having a short-term thing with him (perhaps in part because I was so intoxicated by his ridiculously sexy body). So eventually, I decided, eh, what the hell, I’d give in to his demands! I’d go for it. So we did the deed a few times. But shortly thereafter, saying he wanted to save both of us the pain of getting more deeply involved in an affair that would have to end before long (huh?), he called it off. It felt very abrupt, and it was very painful for me.

So yes, I’ve decided to wait for two months. Here are all the arguments in favor of my decision:

1) Women (esp. me) have much stronger emotional reactions to sex than men do.

Studies have shown that the bonding hormone, oxytocin, gets released in both men and women when they’re touching, holding hands, kissing or snuggling. But oxytocin INCREASES in women after sex, while DECREASING in men, post-ejaculation. Interesting, right?Now, I’m the type of person who feels connected to my check-out guy at Trader Joe’s after a two-minute conversation about almond butter. And after having sex with someone–apparently due in part to all the oxytocin that is released–I feel amuch bigger connection to him. (Uh, no, I’ve never had sex with the Trader Joe’s dude.) By holding off while getting to know someone, I’ll save myself from additional pain if things don’t work out.

2) Holding out helps you protect your feelings.

I used to think I’d cut out all the “self-destructive” behavior in my life: After all, I quit using drugs, quit smoking and quit drinking (for the most part). I exercise all the time, eat as healthfully as I can, and am very careful about getting enough sleep. But after the experience with 25-year-old Mr. Heartthrob described above, I realize I can still be rather emotionally self-destructive. In the Heartthrob case, I hurled myself head first into a difficult situation, telling myself it will be worth it for the opportunity to get to know an interesting and very smart person who shares many of my interests–poetry, experimental music, fiction, theater, classic movies. (And for the opportunity to have hot hot sex with him!) I was thinking of only the pleasures. I wasn’t thinking of the pain, and the havoc the situation might wreck on my emotional stability.

3) Deciding on an a priori time frame helps you control your libido.

If I’d told myself I was going to hold off a full two months before getting horizontal with Mr. Heartthrob, it would’ve been easier to resist him. Instead, because I didn’t have a rule in mind, I let my sexual urges override my common sense.

4) Deciding on a priori time frame makes you feel (and seem) more in control of the situation.

That’s always nice, right?

5) Holding off can give you more clarity on the situation.

See points #2 and #4 above. When I start having sex with someone, a lot of what makes me crazy for him is simply the sex. I become a junkie! And that can make me lose sight of everything else.

6) Casual sex isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Sometimes I think I should be living it up more–and thereby having more casual sex, in this post-Carrie Bradshaw era. But as I know from my experience with Mr. Heartthrob, the intoxicating nights of fun aren’t worth the subsequent psychological hangover. Ouch.

7) You have a very healthy relationship with your vibrator, don’t you? (You should.)

My battery-operated device gives me all the sexual pleasure I need … and then some. So it’s not like I’m in desperate need of an orgasmic fix. What’s more, most men don’t leave me feeling anywhere near as satisfied as my vibe does. (Although, of course, being with a human being–as opposed to a piece of plastic–has its own rewards.)

8) Is one more short-term relationship going to help you find a long-term relationship?

I think I’ve had my fill of short-term relationship experience. Now, I’m ready to wait till something more serious comes along.

9)When you do have sex with someone you’ve known for two months, it’ll probably be more awesome than it would’ve been otherwise.

Right?

So … that’s where I’m at.

Go ahead: tell me what you think. Call me crazy. Tell me I’m finally wising up. Lay it on me. Just don’t get laid on me before you’ve been dating two months–unless you know you’re all right with it.

xxx

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Sex with Robots?

by zfortadminin Sex

Will humans soon enjoy the option of having sex with robots? We discuss the technology behind this progressive idea, along with legal, moral and ethical implications. How will this humanlike-bot alter reality? Will relationships suffer as a result?

sex_robots

Originally aired on October 6, 2015

Guests:

Emma Yann Zhang @yannc2021 (London, United Kingdom)
PhD Student, City University London

Neil McArthur @morallust (Winnipeg, Canada)
Associate Director, Centre for Professional and Applied Ethics, University of Manitoba

Kathleen Richardson (Cambridge, United Kingdom)
Director, Campaign Against Sex Robots; Senior Research Fellow in Ethics of Robotics, De Montfort University; Anthropologist

Matt McMullen @AbyssCreations (San Diego, CA)
Creator, RealDoll

Host:

Caitlyn Becker
@caitlynbecker

Featured image credit: Huffington Post

Curated by Timothy
Originally appeared in Huffington Post

Shower Sex Positions

by zfortadminin Sex

Let’s face it. Shower sex is as easy as fitting a king sized bed in a New York City apartment. Unless your shower is the size of a walk in closet, your options are limited. 

Here are four positions that can make shower sex more fun.

1. Manos en la Pared (Hands on the Wall)

Stand up straight with your hands against the wall and legs spread slightly. Your man will enter you from behind. Tip: Be sure to aim your shower head as downward as possible so the water isn’t hitting you guys directly in the face. That can be distracting and things will get really wet — not in a good way.

2. Afeitado? (Shaving?)

Know how you lift your leg up and set it at the edge of the tub to shave? That’s an awesome sex position (tried and true, just saying)! Just make sure you have something to grip on. You don’t want to fall out and get a head injury or something.

3. La Silla (The Seat)

This one always works and you don’t risk busting your ass in a slippery bath tub. Have him sit down with his legs stretched out or slightly bent at the knee if he’s tall. Straddle him and go to town. The water hitting your back lightly will feel extra good.

4. Hacia Arriba (Straight Up)

Stand up straight with your back against the wall, lift one leg up and wrap it around his lower back. Tip: It will be easier for him to have full control if he presses his hands against the wall you’re leaning on.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Does This Smell Good to You? Hawaiian Mushroom That Makes Women Orgasm

by zfortadminin Sex

I have good news and bad news. Let’s start with the good news:

Scientists have discovered an orange mushroom in recent Hawaiian lava flows that can induce instantaneous orgasms in women just from the odor it gives off. That’s right, fellas. You can get your girl to bust nuts all over the place just by having her sniff this thing.

This orgasm triggered by fungus, or “fungasm,” is due in part from hormones in the mushroom that are close in similarity to the same ones picked up by our own neurotransmitters. Basically, the smell of this shroom makes the female body think it’s having sex. Imagine walking into a sorority house with your pockets filled with these mushrooms.

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Take your time, I’ll wait. Really let your mind paint that picture, and enjoy it while you can. Because here comes the bad news:

The orange mushroom smells orgasmic to women and literally caused nearly half of the volunteers for the study to climax. Unfortunately, it smells like week old horse shit to men. In the International Journal of Medicinal Mushrooms, the discoverers of the orange fungus, John C. Holliday and Noah Soule, concluded that all the male test subjects were repulsed by the fetid smell.

So if you’re bad in bed and need a little bit of help, go find these mushrooms and hide a bunch of them under your bed. Then grab a clothes pin for yourself. Thank me later.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article
Photo Credit: Deviant Art

When You Haven’t Had Sex with Your Partner in a Long Time

by zfortadminin Sex

I’m attracted to him, but I haven’t been able to get closer.

My husband and I have not had sex in a year and a half. We’ve had sex maybe 10 times in the last five years. I am a sexual trauma survivor. These two things are directly related, but it’s taken me years to make the connection.

Our sex life wasn’t always like this. For the first six months of our relationship, we had sex all the time. Passionate, mind-blowing sex, in fact. Knock-your-socks off sex. So you can imagine my husband’s confusion when I suddenly seemed to lose interest.

It was around the time we moved in together, and I didn’t know what was wrong. We thought it was hormonal, and I switched birth control. We thought it was related to some major life changes, so we waited it out. We thought it was a difference in libido, so we tried things like taking sex off the table for a month. We tried hooking up but not having intercourse. I started going to therapy. The problem only got worse.

My husband began to feel like I wasn’t attracted to him anymore. He stopped trying to initiate things. He grew resentful. We talked about options like opening our marriage. We had a lot of conversations about the fact that this wasn’t fair or what he wanted in a relationship. Since I have also been interested in women, he questioned whether I was attracted to men at all.

Meanwhile, I felt despondent. I felt detached and numb. I knew I was attracted to my husband, because I felt it. But I didn’t want to have sex. I wanted to kiss and cuddle without it leading to anything else. Sometimes I’d give into some form of sexual activity, but I always felt empty and used afterwards. There was always an elephant in the room. It felt like it was between us when we got into bed at night.

What’s funny is that I’m a certified rape crisis counselor. I can talk about the effects of sexual trauma on sex until I’m blue in the face. But I couldn’t internalize it and apply it to my own life. I was sure that there was a different problem. I swore that my trauma hadn’t affected me to that level. And for years, I used sex as a coping mechanism.

In the years leading up to meeting my husband, I found myself joining the “sex positive” movement. I wore it like a badge of liberation. I was determined to take back my body. I found BDSM and kink, and I jumped in with abandon. I thought I was free. It’s only now, with clear vision, that I can look back and see that I was not in an emotionally healthy place to be making these kinds of decisions. At the time, I viewed a lot of these activities as consensual but I recognize now that I was not emotionally healthy enough to be consenting. It is absolutely possible to participate in fully consensual BDSM. But for me, at that time, I wasn’t capable of it and I didn’t realize it. And the result of this is that it traumatized me more.

That all came to a head for me when my husband and I moved in. What I know now, that I didn’t know then, is that all of this is normal. What I know now, that I couldn’t internalize then, is that I was coping in the best way I knew how. And it’s because of the safety that I finally felt with my husband and in our relationship that the symptoms of my trauma finally shone through. And now I’m left undoing not only the harm that other people have done to me, but the harm I caused myself under the guise of sexual liberation.

Today, my husband and I are seeing a wonderful counselor. What we’ve learned, together, is that it’s normal for sex to be great at the beginning and to taper off when the survivor begins to feel “safe.” My dissociation and numbness around sex are also normal. It was hard for him to understand at first, because dissociation doesn’t look traumatic to someone witnessing it; it just looks like lack of enthusiasm. Which is why, for so long, my husband thought I just wasn’t into sex with him. As we, and I, start to work through this stuff, I get triggered. It gets hard. It gets uncomfortable. But I choose to think of it as progress, as a sign that I’m beginning to move through the numbing phase and onto the healing phase.

We both know that we have a long road ahead of us. We know that we won’t go back to having wonderful, consistent sex tomorrow, or even next week. But now that we’re both on the same page and the problem is clear, we feel a freedom and a closeness that we haven’t felt in a long time. The fact that we’re tackling this together brings us an intimacy that we lost when we stopped having sex. And while having regular date nights and finding activities to do together doesn’t bring quite the same intimacy that sex does, we’re taking steps in the direction of healing and we both finally feel hopeful that one day, we’ll have sex again.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

More Into P*rn than You–What Do You Do?

by zfortadminin Mind

Passionate Living Coach Abiola Abrams gives love, dating and self-esteem advice on the CW’s Bill Cunningham Show and all over the web through her hit web series AbiolaTV. Now she wants to help you keep things spicy and fresh between the sheets. Are you in need of an intimacy intervention? Just ask Abiola!

Dear Abiola,

Is it normal for my husband to be more into porn than into me?

I got married 4 years ago. From the beginning I have had a feeling that my husband is not emotionally attached to me. Now we talk very little. He is always busy internet surfing or playing games. I feel so lonely.

He is not interested in sex any more. It has been 2 months since we had sex. I have caught him masturbating so many times while watching porn. But whenever I try to join in or do sexy stuff with him, he refuses or remains quiet.

This all hurt too much. I love him and want to be with him. All I want is to be loved and to have his time. I tried to talk to him but he refuses or says it’s not a problem or gets angry.

I feel like porn has come between my relationship and I am blaming myself. Pornography is evil. What should I do to be loved by him!

Signed,

Broken Woman

Dearest Sacred Bombshell,

First of all, you are not broken. You are a whole and complete woman no matter what is happening to you in your relationship, bedroom, or life.

You have nothing to blame yourself for. A man — or woman — cannot be driven to porn by anything his or her partner does. Read that sentence again. Your husband is an adult. He is the only one responsible for his choices. Your husband should absolutely not be choosing porn over you. That is beyond problematic.

Your question, “What can I do to be loved by him?” is also extremely troubling. That set off all of my alarms; not only as Life Coach but also as a woman. There is no right thing that you can do to be loved by the wrong person. Someone either loves and accepts who you are or they don’t.

You say that your husband has not been emotionally into you. Is it possible that your husband may be depressed and not have the emotional ability to express his sadness? Did something transformative happen personally or professionally around the time that his behavior changed?

If someone wants to numb and avoid their real lives, they can become addicted to anything. Porn is your husband’s drug of choice. It is not the adult films that are evil. The issue is that you are sad and lonely in a non-communicative marriage with no emotional or sexual intimacy. If your husband is addicted to pornography, you cannot have a healthy relationship. You can’t have a healthy relationship with an addict.

Ask your husband to join you in therapy ASAP. Show him this post. Tell him that this is a 911 situation. Let him know that you have been feeling sad and lonely in your relationship. Meanwhile, you may both find support in a 12-step group. Please note that this is not intended to treat or diagnose any illness or condition. Your husband needs to take responsibility for his own well-being.

Be Broken Ministries is a group for men struggling with porn addiction. FightTheNewDrug.org is an online recovery program and Sexaholics Anonymous at SA.org can be a great place for you both to find support.

I called you a Sacred Bombshell because I have reclaimed the word “bombshell” to mean a woman who loves, honors, and cherishes herself in mind, body, and spirit. This is what I want for you. You deserve to feel love and connection in your relationship. You deserve your man’s love and his time. Whether your husband acknowledges the issues or chooses remains in denial, I urge you to get support for yourself immediately.

Passionately yours,

Abiola

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

His Reactions Mystify You

by zfortadminin SEX TIPS

Many ballsy women are afraid to say ‘Please do this’ or ‘Don’t do that’ in bed. Here’s what some women are really thinking.

Our sexist culture unleashes many forms of toxic socialization on its inhabitants, but few lessons seem to take as well as teaching girls from the cradle to coddle the male ego, not just with flattery but with a deep unwillingness to speak truths that could cause men to feel uncomfortable or imperfect. And nowhere is this less true than in the sack. Many a woman who feels herself a ballsy broad in her daily life finds herself in bed, afraid to say “Please do this” or “Don’t do that” for fear of confronting a man looking shocked, upset, or disappointed—which can push a button installed in us as little girls labeled Failure As A Woman.

We know we should get over it already. We know we should speak up and take our lumps and men who can’t handle it are bad lovers we should be dumping anyway. It’s not like we’re not trying. The female half of the human race spends an ungodly amount of time and money trying to unlearn passivity and replace it with a dose of speaking up for themselves.

In the meantime, however, there’s a number of things women are thinking about sex that tend to go unsaid, but you men should probably know them anyway.

1. We can tell when you’re doing something because you saw it in a porno.

Most sex in porn is about what’s good for the camera, not what’s good for the participants in it, especially the women. In fact, many things that look good in porn can keep us from having fun in real-life sex. For instance, in porn the only parts of their bodies the actors often touch are their genitals, so that the camera can get a full view of the action. But in real life, sex is more of a whole-body experience, and the genital-only thing can feel cold and masturbatory.

Of course, we know that men know this, and most would deny that they’re doing stuff because it looked good in a porn and not because it felt good in the moment. So we’d rather not bring it up when you do stuff that looks better in porn than it feels in life. We don’t want to argue over whether or not that’s what you’re doing. But when you do something you picked up in a porn that doesn’t add to the real-life pleasure, we take notice and we’re often hoping you get it out of your system so we can move on to activities that are actually fun.

2. Endurance is overrated.

It’s not that cultural jokes about two-pump chumps are completely baseless. Women do like having sex, and most of us can point to at least one or two experiences where a man orgasmed as soon as he touched you, and then rolled over and fell asleep while you wondered if that was all you’re going to get. But just because women would prefer intercourse to last more than 60 seconds doesn’t mean that longer is always better. If you consider a point of pride that you can thrust away for an hour without coming, there’s a high chance your partner is lying under you wondering how on earth she can say she’d have liked to wrap it up 40 minutes ago, but is afraid to say anything because she doesn’t want to stomp all over your accomplishments. The vagina’s ability to continue lubricating itself is limited, which can make marathon sex feel more like a duty than a joy.

3. We actually do know what will get us to orgasm.

Are you trying this and then trying that and finding nothing works to get her there? There’s a strong possibility she actually knows exactly what needs to happen, because she’s had practice masturbating, but is afraid to say so because her path to orgasm has been perceived by other men or the culture at large as bitchy or emasculating. She might feel that bringing a vibrator in bed will make you feel like less than a man, or she might worry that having you eat her out at length is boring for you. So she won’t ask. If you suspect this might be the case, it’s well worth bringing up. But don’t do it during sex, when fear of judgment is that much higher. While you’re sitting on the couch watching American Idol will lower the stakes of this discussion tremendously.

4. “Getting there” is more trouble than it’s worth.

This is only true for a minority of women, but when I put the call out on Twitter for women to tell me what they don’t tell men, the women who said this were the most passionate respondents. For women who have trouble orgasming, sex could be fun, but it isn’t not because of their lack of orgasm so much as their fear they’ll disappoint their partners. They find themselves avoiding sex because they don’t want to have to endure endless attempts to bring forth an orgasm that will never come, but they still like to masturbate, even if they usually can’t reach orgasm. So, when you’re having that talk explaining that you’re not going to freak out if she starts speaking up about her needs, be clear that you’re not going to judge her if she’s feeling like orgasms don’t have to be the star of the show every time she has sex.

Many women don’t fake orgasms. But pretty much all women turn the volume up on the ones they do have, because they know you like it. This isn’t lying, but embellishment, and it would be nice if men returned the favor. Sex is no time for masculine stoicism. A little verbal appreciation in the form of moaning and groaning makes a nice two-way street.

5. Our bodies are very sensitive when aroused, so err on the gentle side.

When I put the call out for suggestions for this article, this was probably the No. 1 category, with comments like, “That’s a clitoris, not an elevator button.” Nipple-twisting was also denounced, and one woman noted that not every woman is a fan of finger-banging, which can feel rough and sort of pointless. Men who dive at your genitals with their mouths were appreciated for their enthusiasm, but not so much for their technique. Overall, the feeling was that more pressure can be added as needed, but the shock to the system of having someone overdo it can be a major turnoff.

Obviously, every woman is different, and even with these most general of guidelines, you’ll find dissenters. Communication between partners is the ideal. But have some sympathy on women who haven’t read enough self-help books or seen enough therapists to overcome their fear of speaking up. You might find that having patience and understanding will make it easier to draw them out over the long run. To encourage more communication, don’t make faces or act like your ego is hurt when women do push themselves to speak up. It likely took a lot of courage to do so in the first place.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

8 Lovemaking Techniques to Create a Deeper Connection With Your Partner

by zfortadminin Sex

Here’s how to improve your connection with your partner.

Mindfulness is being in the present moment with total awareness. But the one area where we can be the least present is in our relationships, and that includes our most intimate ones.

Mindful love-making is a whole new approach to being intimate with awareness, which means having sex not only for the sheer pleasure of it, but with our mind, body, and spirit combined, and as thoughtfully engaged as possible. Loving your partner mindfully will enhance the quality of your sex, and increase the closeness you experience together significantly. Not only will it become the type of love-making you crave, but it will be the only type of love-making you desire to give your partner.

Here are several ways to connect with your partner mindfully, and be as fully present as you can in the bedroom:

The best lovemaking is when two people are 100 percent present with each other, which means they are completely aware and sensitive of one another’s needs.

A good way to make that happen is to set aside a special time for you and your partner to have sex. That way, you know that you’re bringing your complete attention to them, and that they are getting all of you in the experience, which is a turn-on.

Mindful lovemaking can happen when both people are fully present without distraction.

Put your gadgets away. That means no phones nearby, or anything electronic that could go off and distract you. Being fully present with your partner means that you need nothing other than them to satisfy you.

Making love mindfully means being fully attuned to someone else’s body and needs.

Communicate to your partner either verbally or through touch how much you want to satisfy them. Giving them all of your attention increases stimulation and satisfaction.

Think of what would make your partner happy or satisfy them.

Showing your partner that you’ve taken the time to figure out what would excite them sexually lets them know that you care about them, and that they are very important to you.

Try surprising your partner by doing something you know they would love.

Have a bath ready with candles around it, or cover the bed with rose petals.  Have their favorite music playing, or aromatherapy oil wafting from a diffuser. Think of creative ways to set the mood for optimum lovemaking.

Ask your partner if they would like to be massaged before you hurry into lovemaking.

Make sure not to rush, and to take it slow. By being fully in the present, your senses are much more alive, which makes everything you’re touching and everything you’re feeling much more enhanced.

Make sure to put your partner’s pleasure before your own.

Show them how much you want to please them, and let them know how much you love being with them intimately. Make them feel that they are the most desirable person in the world to you. Your passion for them ignites their own even more.

After lovemaking, hold your partner.

Allow yourself to fall asleep in each other’s arms.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

What You Never Tell Him About Sex But He Needs to Know

by zfortadminin Sex

Women are mysterious creatures. While they’re great at displaying emotions, often they’ll hide their hidden desires. And this is especially true when it comes to what they like in the bedroom.

The truth is women have many secrets about what they like AND what they don’t like from guys during sex. Probably right at this moment, your woman really wants you do things during sex which you not be aware of. If you can discover her hidden desires, then you’ll rock her world.

To get an idea of what I’m talking about, here 5 of the most common sex secrets she probably will never reveal to you, which again given the brilliance of our girls are not wanted all the time…

Secret #1- She doesn’t want you to go for hours

Many guys think the key to pleasing a woman is to have the sexual stamina of a marathon runner and go for hours. The problem is women get tired (and sore) during a long sex session. Secretly your woman wants you to please her without subjecting her to a lengthy sex session. If you can please her in a half an hour, then she really won’t care if you can go for hours.

Secret #2- She sometimes wants sex, not romance

While all women profess a love for romantic lovemaking filled with candles and soft music, sometimes they want sex to be a little dirty… and well sometimes downright primal. Even though romance is an important part of the sexual experience, there are often moments when you can score some serious points simply by acting in a VERY non-romantic manner. For instance, she’ll sometimes wants you to simply rip her clothes off and have a quickie.

Secret # – She wants YOU to be in control

It’s a simple truth. Women want to be with men who act like MEN. This means you should never behave in a lower status man and act like you don’t know what you’re doing in the bedroom. Simply put, you have to act like a man when you’re having sex.

Being a man is about knowing the specific things which pleases your woman and then DOING them. So when you’re in the bedroom, don’t act timid or shy. Instead give off the aura that you’re completely confident during sex and you’re in complete control of her pleasure.

Secret #4- She wants to try new things

There are a lot of different sexual experiences your woman secretly wants. Whether it’s a bit of roleplaying, threesomes or even the “big A”, she’s probably privately fantasizing about stuff you can with her (or to her). The important thing to remember is everybody has fantasies. Your job is to coax them out of her and then work hard to fulfill them.

Secret #5- She wants it in the morning

Guys are known for the ability to be ready for sex in 3.5 seconds. Women on the other hand profess a desire for extensive foreplay. That’s the reason why many guys think women don’t want a “quickie” in the morning. However the truth is a lot of women secretly want a bit of sex in the morning before they start the day. Simply try to initiate things in the morning and you’ll be surprised at her response

Women have lots of secrets they keep from men. But if you can reveal her secret desires in the bedroom then you’ll quickly become her perfect lover.

So look for the warning signs of the 5 secrets I discussed in this article, and you’ll be on your way towards sexually pleasing her.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article