How Millennials View Sex

August 31, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

Willing to reject labels altogether?

We live in a new era and new ways of discovering ourselves and our world around sex.
Do you feel comfortable with this or do you feel like a fish learning how to swim in new waters.

Here is a perspective of how millennials view sex.

Bisexual, pansexual, demiromantic, aromantic — the sexual identities with which people label themselves continue to become more diverse and more mainstream. But think back to the days long, long ago, when conversations about sexuality were typically limited to gay or straight and maybe, once in a while, bisexual. (Yawn, am I right?)

So what is it about millennials, who are both open to sexual fluidity and willing to reject labels altogether?

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

The Married Millennial – Are We Too Young?

March 2, 2016January 22, 2024 by RJ Newellin LOVE

A mistake is only a failure if you don’t learn from it. Marriage and divorce shouldn’t be any different.

I got married at 21. By today’s standards, that makes me a unicorn.

When I show up with a new tattoo, nobody bats an eye. But the second I say I’m married? I might as well have joined a cult.

“How old are you, again?” my yoga teacher asked.

I answered honestly. “I’m 21.”

Her face must have gone through fifty shades of pity. “Are you sure?”

In our early twenties, we are expected to make adult decisions. Finishing college, choosing our careers, voting in elections – these are not tasks for children. As an adult, I’m allowed to make choices for myself. I’m allowed to make mistakes.

If we can smoke cigarettes in our twenties (risking cancer), own a credit card (and a lifetime of student loan debt), or joining the military (at 18, mind you) – why is marriage such a scary concept to us?

Traditional marriage goes against what many of us have come to know.

“How long have you been together? Because when I was in my twenties…”

This is a trick question. It doesn’t matter how long we have been together – her mind is made up that I am too young. Her conclusion is probably drawn from her own experiences at 21 – and that’s not a bad thing.

A year before, I would have agreed with her. I’ve had every reason to not believe in marriage. My experiences with long-term relationships began much younger than most, and nearly all of them ended in heartbreak. I know what it’s like to think you’ll spend forever with someone, only to leave – or be left. My own parents divorced. My friends’ parents divorced. I’ve been to more divorce dinners than actual weddings…and that’s because I don’t like weddings.

Before my husband came along, I swore off the possibility of long-term relationships completely. Monogamy was a lie. Marriage was an outdated system. Why would a strong, career-minded feminist like myself willingly give herself legally to another person?

I argued this point whenever marriage was mentioned. I questioning my friends’ life choices and cut my own relationships short when things got too serious. I was content to spend the rest of my life as a happily single woman. Now, here I am, with a ring on my finger.

Is it scary? Yes. Do I question my decision? No.

A mistake is only a failure if you don’t learn from it. Marriage and divorce shouldn’t be any different. I can’t predict the next ten, twenty, thirty years. But no matter how my life turns out, I will be grateful for having shared it with him.

Nobody can predict the future, and that’s what makes marriage so huge.

I know a couple that dated for ten years before getting married. They divorced after one year. I also know a couple that got married six months after they met. They’ve been married for thirty years, and counting.

There is no guarantee that any relationship will survive. Our generation has been raised to value reward over risk. We want results, now. To many of us, marriage just sounds like a really expensive mistake. It’s easier to live together and have children together, without the hassle of expensive paperwork.

“Why invest in a marriage when you can have all the perks without it?” asked basically everyone.

As soon as our engagement announcement went live on social media, my inbox overflowed with congratulations…and concern.

“Have you been with him long enough to be sure?”

“Does this mean you giving up your career?”

“Are you pregnant?”

“I know it’s not my business, but…”

Sixty years ago, getting married in your twenties was totally normal. But then again, more of us had stable jobs in those days. People weren’t as afraid of the future then as we are now.

Nobody knows where – or who – we’ll be in five, ten, or twenty years. For many, this is why being “tied down” to any one person is terrifying. But for some, this is all the more reason to commit to something – or someone.

We’ve now been married for one year. So far, so good. We know that marriage is hard work. And it’s more than likely that we won’t be the same people in ten years. That’s not a bad thing. It means we’re growing – and hopefully, we’ll grow together.

Maybe you are also in your twenties, and you were hoping this article might help you decide whether to get married or not. My question for you, is – why?

Do your life choices reflect what you want, or what other people want? This applies to everything, not just marriage. Self-sabotage occurs by comparing ourselves to others and waiting for outer validation.

When my lover got down on one knee, he didn’t say, “Hey, friends and family, should she marry me?”

And I didn’t say, “Hold on a second,” and then get out my phone to Google national divorce statistics.

He simply asked, “Will you marry me?”

And I said, “Yes.”

Marriage is a choice between two people, to be made every day for the rest of life. I feel ready, but that doesn’t mean you have to. Love is all that matters. Embrace the way it lives for you.

Are we TOO young?

Why Millennial Sex Drive Could Be Shrinking

August 11, 2016January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

Why more millennials are avoiding sex.

I spent most of yesterday morning mulling over Tara Bahrampour’s article in the Washington Post headlined “‘There isn’t really anything magical about it’: Why more millennials are avoiding sex.” The crux of her argument relates to a new study in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior that finds younger millennials (i.e. those born in the 1990s) more than twice as likely to be sexually inactive in their early 20s as Gen Xers were. Compared with baby boomers, millennials’ low sex drive makes them look like nuns and priests.

The proffered reasons for millennial abstinence? A culture of overwork and an obsession with career status, a fear of becoming emotionally involved and losing control, an online-dating milieu that privileges physical appearance above all, anxieties surrounding consent, and an uptick in the use of libido-busting antidepressants.

I generally jump to the defense of millennials, not just because I am one, but because I even know some. It too often feels as though we’re reported on as an alien species: “I saw this strange person at the supermarket buying organic milk. He was ungrateful, stupid and has never worked a day in his life, if my personal inference from watching him hold the carton may be used as a categorical analysis of an entire generation, as it will be throughout this piece, and then again in the comments section.”

But if (and this is a big “if”) this is indeed how many millennials think about sex, relationships and other people — as productivity inhibitors — we’re screwed, in all ways but the fun one.

“Research-based trend pieces are useful in the same way polemics are useful — to the extent they provoke further discussion.”

OK, a couple of disclaimers before you pillory the argument: I’m not a “younger millennial.” If millennials are defined as those who are 19 to 35 years old in 2016, then at 29 I clock in on the “What are the young people up to these days?” end of the millennial spectrum. So, younger young people, weigh in in the comments please and tell me what I’m missing; I’m all ears.

Second disclaimer: I believe that everyone should have exactly as much sex as they do or don’t want to have, with whomever they do or don’t want to have it, in whatever fashion they do or don’t want to have it. So long as consent is present in any resultant exchange, one need not justify their choices. Some are not physically able to have sexual relationships, some have religious or cultural reservations about premarital sex, others do not desire sex; none are less human, none are more correct. I also don’t suggest that my choices are particularly enlightened; indeed, several sources familiar with the matter can confirm they’ve often not been. My interest in this rise in abstention has to do with motivation and meaning rather than the (lack of) action itself.

Final disclaimer: Many trend pieces are hot garbage. See: the New York Times article on“the explosion” of women who dye their armpit hair. The trend piece is a form that’s plagued by the “To a hammer, everything looks like a nail” problem. If you begin with any premise and set out to prove it, you can generally find a handful of folks in this world of 7.4 billion to confirm your suspicion.

That said, research-based trend pieces are useful in the same way polemics are useful — to the extent they provoke further discussion. And this research is based on a nationally representative sample of more than 25,000 American adults. So here are my thoughts in brief on points made in the Washington Post article (edited here for clarity). You’ll have others.

“It’s a highly motivated, ambitious generation,” says Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University and chief scientific adviser to the dating site Match.com. “A lot of them are afraid that they’ll get into something they can’t get out of and they won’t be able to get back to their desk and keep studying.”

As Michael Cunningham wrote, “You cannot find peace by avoiding life.” Sure, any attempt to have a life outside of work will keep you away from your desk. And it’s true that we live in fraught times, with massive student loan debt and decreased job security. But overwork, with all else perceived as a distraction, is no tool to cultivate joy.

The sense of caution sometimes manifests itself as a heightened awareness of emotional pitfalls. For example, many young people speak disparagingly of the messy emotional state love and lust can engender, referring to it as “catching feelings.”

Humans have feelings. Fairly unavoidable. See: brain chemistry.

Noah Patterson, 18, has never had sex. “I’d rather be watching YouTube videos and making money.” Sex, he said, is “not going to be something people ask you for on your résumé.”

Lots of miserable people with cool resumes out there.

Online life “ends up putting a lot of importance on physical appearance, and that, I think, is leaving out a large section of the population,” said Twenge, who teaches psychology at San Diego State University. Unlike in face-to-face meetings where “you can seduce someone with your charm,” she said, dating apps are “leaving some people with fewer choices and they might be more reluctant to search for partners at all.”

What’s even sexier than an avatar? A flesh-and-blood human with flaws and personality.

That is Patterson’s takeaway. “Third-wave feminists seem to be crazy, saying that all men are participating in this rape culture.” He opts for porn instead. “It’s quicker. It’s more accessible. What you see is what you get.”

Flesh-and-blood humans carry traumas born of their experiences on a complicated and oft-cruel planet. Some of these traumas are sexual. Rather than pathologizing humans who’ve survived sexual trauma, perhaps you could recognize that they did not create the environment that harmed them, and work to be a source of understanding and support.

Abstinence may not be such a considered choice for everyone, though; there can also be environmental factors. For example, the use of antidepressants, which doubled between 1999 and 2012, can reduce sex drive.

This is real. Those who take antidepressants: Good on you for getting the help you need. Those who don’t: Find a way to understand and support flesh-and-blood humans dealing with depression.

“The decision to indefinitely avoid sexual relationships from a place of fear is deeply understandable.”

Why is sex a necessary or good thing, given all these concerns?

It isn’t an absolute good. It’s only good if it’s a thing you want to do, if it’s an act that brings you fun or connection or pleasure. The problem isn’t that millennials are having less sex, but that many of their reasons reveal warped values and a fear-based approach to existence. Here’s a generation swearing off a life-affirming and life-creating act in record numbers, simply because they don’t know what to do with it.

Most people are rational actors, in so far as their fears are connected to their experiences. There are many anecdotal and quantitative indications that sex among millennials is a real landmine for hurt and misunderstanding. In some ways, this hurt is heightened by the advent of distancing technologies like Tinder and texting. But the challenge of navigating closeness with and care for others has always been a central human story.

Rather than forgoing sex, we can be strive to be more creative and generous in our interpersonal relationships, whether they be sexual or otherwise. That starts by thinking deeply about what we want so that we can articulate it to another person. It continues by finding a receptive and respectful person or people to have sex with. It continues by being a receptive and respectful person. It ends never.

The emotional work that sex asks us to do is the same emotional work a life of growth requires. The decision to indefinitely avoid sexual relationships from a place of fear is deeply understandable. But it is also a decision to constrict the edges of one’s experience; it is a decision to disengage from that which induces greater vulnerability, and greater tenderness.

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

Sexual Sharing… When and Where to Do It

April 14, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

I’m a millennial and I can’t stop oversharing about my sex life. And, while I hate to point the finger, I blame social media.

I first realised I was a sexual oversharer during a pretty uncomfortable moment with a new housemate — someone I barely knew, but was trying to get to know. As I sipped my first coffee of the day, I leant across and told my new housemate something I’d told other friends just days previous. I described, in graphic detail, a sexual escapade. “Rachel,” my new housemate said without a hint of a smile. “That is too much information for me. Seriously.”

She wasn’t being coy, or faux-polite. The look on her face told me she really didn’t want to hear about the graphic intricacies of any of my sexual experiences. I don’t blame her. I had assumed that someone I barely knew would want to know about my sex life, and — without even testing the water — I had imposed it upon her. My face flushed red with shame and I felt guilty and angry at myself.

Why did I think it would be OK to share something so intimate and private with someone I barely knew? This wasn’t the first time this had happened and it became abundantly clear that any previous barrier I’d felt about talking about my sex life with strangers was now completely gone. Upon reflection, the dropping of that barrier began precisely when I joined social media.

Over the past decade, social media has had a huge impact on how we understand privacy, says sociologist Dr David Beer of the University of York. In the past and, crucially, before social media, there was a much clearer line between public spaces and our private lives. But, social media has created an environment in which we have to make choices about where to draw the line as to what we keep private and what we choose to turn into content.

I am constantly assessing what I should and shouldn’t share on social media. Whether it’s a funny comment my mum made in the privacy of her own home, or a hilarious Tinder message I’ve received. The question I ask myself now is always: should I share that? And, if so, where? But, by sharing personal information with hundreds of people I don’t know — or scarcely know — I’ve set a dangerous precedent for turning my private life into content to be consumed by complete strangers.

Facebook’s mission statement expresses its desire to “give people the power to share and make the world more open and connected.” According to Dr Deborah Chambers — from Newcastle University — Facebook’s emphasis on openness suggests that “connectedness is more powerful by being disclosing.” So, am I attempting to strengthen my interpersonal relationships by disclosing intimate details?

The confessional society

Some sociologists feel that social media has created a confessional culture that’s filtered into the way we interact in IRL. “It has been argued that we live in a society where we feel obliged to confess our lives for others to consume,” says Dr David Beer. Indeed, sociologist Zygmunt Bauman argued that social media brings with it a pressure to join in and to confess and a resulting fear that if we don’t join in with the confession, we’ll be left out of things.

According to Bauman, young people with “portable electronic confessionals” are being trained in “the art of living in a confessional society,” where it’s a public virtue and obligation to publicly expose the private.

I’m in no hurry to stop talking about my sex life. I believe that honest and open conversation about sex is healthy and fun. But, when it comes to sharing intimate details about my own sex life, I want to be more judicious about the people I have those conversations with.

I have bought into social media’s sharing economy. But, this culture has turned my social life into an economy, where intensely private stories are the most valued currency. Trading the salacious details of my sex life, however, isn’t how I want to earn people’s friendship. Is it time I ceased trading?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Marriage 101: Expectations Vs. Reality

May 24, 2017January 22, 2024 by RJ Newellin LOVE

Once upon a time, two newlywed lovers rode off into the sunset.

It was a perfect end to a perfect day: The Bride (wearing an off-beat vintage dress that totally said “I’m not like other brides”) took a celebratory swig from a flask in the passenger seat. Her Groom squinted like a sultry James Dean, driving toward the horizon with wind in his hair. The sexy beats of Arctic Monkeys accompanied them as they drove; they thought of the red-hot road trips they took when they had first been dating. This new beginning was just a continuation of a love that was already good.

The couple held hands and agreed: this was perfect, they were perfect, and the future was going to be perfect.

Being married wouldn’t change a thing, they swore. This was the happy ending they’d always wanted. Two lifetimes of buildup and anticipation, all those years of searching…everything led up to this moment.

Soooo…what now? Neither one knew for sure.

The Bride kept drinking her whiskey and the Groom kept playing the same songs on repeat and they tried to do the same things they did before the ceremony, before the proposal, before moving in.

It worked, for a while. But the sunset had to end sometime. What would they do in the morning?

Clouds moved in to cover the stars. The Bride and Groom were now Wife and Husband, and they tried their best not to mess things up.

“What do married people do?” they asked themselves. Both came up with their own answer, based on what they’d seen their parents, friends and TV couples do.

Wife made a nice dinner and set the table for Husband, because she heard she should prioritize quality time. Meanwhile, Husband picked up an extra evening shift at his job, because he heard he should save to buy nice things for Wife.

All it took was a phone call to disappoint them both. Gone were the days of long drives and free flying and throwing bouquets out the window. Now, he was a husband who worked long hours and she was a wife who ate pot roast alone.

“Why does he make me so sad?” She sighed. “This doesn’t seem like us.”

“Why does she make me so angry?” He groaned. “I thought that we would be different.”

She expected a date night; he chose a night with the boys. He expected they’d spend their day off at the beach; she preferred couples’ counseling. On and on and on it went.

One year later, this perfect pairing was dissatisfied in every way. Why?

Things weren’t really that bad, were they? He didn’t cheat, she didn’t lie, and neither one spent all their money. Plus, they were trying so hard! It didn’t make sense that they’d be so unhappy. Was marriage itself to blame?

True story: When my husband and I were married, we were convinced we’d never be like “other” couples. We felt like two single people who just happened to be getting married. “Nothing would change!” we vowed.

In five years, we imagined that of course we’d have romantic evenings of punk records and bourbon on the rocks. And in ten years, naturally we’d have the same careers and wear the same styles of clothing. And in twenty years, obviously we’d be the coolest parents/best friends/partners on Earth. Everyone would envy how non-traditional and happy and open we were. “Traditional” marriage was for the birds, we said!

These weren’t bad intentions at all. But eventually, our unconscious expectations of what should be threatened our conscious dreams of what could be. It took a great deal of listening on both sides to dissect the reasons why we expected the things that we did. And it was hard to admit that people weren’t lying when they warned us that marriage would change things.

Here’s where we went wrong: My expectations and his expectations did not match our collaborative goals. And the higher our expectations, the greater our potential for disappointment.

As much as we denied it, that piece of paper became more than ‘just a piece of paper’ the second we went beyond “I do” and claimed our “supposed tos” and “should.” And it’s okay. I believe that most couples go through this, at some point.

The first few years of committed cohabitation are specifically primed for chaos. The people you both were when you met will have changed by the time you walk down the aisle. And it’s often not until the glow wears off that you notice that anything’s changed. When that happens, it’s not necessarily bad. Just hang on. It takes love, patience and a sense of adventure to navigate what happens next.

I’d thought marriage would be just like dating, just with both of our names on a contract. I imagined we’d be the same people, forever. But that’s like saying “if I win millions in the lottery, I’ll still act like I do making $20,000 a year!” How silly.

When an event or person changes your life, your identity must be affected somehow. If this didn’t happen, no one would grow or evolve. We’d all still be raging toddlers, learning nothing and accomplishing nothing. But while change is a good thing, it’s stressful.

Sometimes opportunity feels like a crisis. Even something as wonderful as finding your soul mate can spark a personal breakdown. But the difference between a breakdown and breakthrough is the way you go about handling it. Change works in your favor, if you let it.

Expansion requires letting go of old limits, and this includes unrealistic expectations. And it’s not as scary as you might think. You can lower your expectations without compromising your standards.

It’s common for couples to articulate the same vision for their marriage, but display conflicting expectations through their actions down the road.

Nobody’s immune to unrealistic expectations, even the most non-traditional of couples. Overcoming this pattern is a challenge that can only make you better, together.

I’m grateful for all of it, now. Good and bad. We’ve been through a lot, and we’re stronger for it. We’re clear on what our relationship is and have chosen to accept and love it for what it is now, not what it “could” or “should” be down the road. At first, I thought letting go would mean accepting failure. But the results proved me wrong in the best way.

Now that we’ve stopped judging ourselves by old rules that don’t work, we’re free to meet the ideals we’d envisioned at the start! Our worst fears were never realized, once we learned to let go of them.

Love is not a perpetual ride into the sunset. Sometimes it’s two flat tires in a blizzard. And that’s fine! At least it’s not boring.

When that sunset ride ends and you run out of gas, get out of the car and push. Hold on to each other through the next morning, the next sunset, the next disaster and dream come true. Have faith in your future beginnings, because there will always be more.

P.S…Laugh, if you can. It helps.

10 Reasons Why Dating Is So Complicated Now

June 20, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

When we were younger, romantic relationships seemed so much simpler. If we liked someone, we told them — and if they felt the same, we got together. These days, things are endlessly more complicated and frustrating, and dating as a millennial is seriously f*cked up.

1. We ghost as a way to end things.

If we’re no longer interested in someone, we don’t need to tell them — we simply stop responding. If someone did this to us in real life, it would be completely psychotic, but because it’s over text or an instant message, we’ve somehow resigned ourselves to thinking it’s OK. Newsflash: it’s totally not. Even in the golden ages, the “Dear John” letter was left on the table in the foyer, but now, we’re lucky if you even get a typed string of characters saying “I’m sorry, it’s not working.”

2. We’re hyper-focused on sex.

Sex is scarily available — we can have it simply with the swipe of a finger. There’s zero effort made into getting to know someone for who they truly are unless we’re willing to undress and show the most sacred parts of ourselves first. And most of the time, sex doesn’t lead to a relationship — it leads to heartache, confusion and another one-night stand with the next person.

3. We’re in a competition of who can care the least.

Showing actual emotions is heavily frowned upon. If we show our cards and act like we’re interested, it leaves the person we’re affectionate about turned off and running in the opposite direction instead of being flattered that we actually give a sh*t about them. There’s little gratitude for honest and happy emotions.

4. We’re too strategic about our responses.

Responding right away comes across as desperate and too available. It’s amazing how millennials view the luxury of having instant access to communication as something we need to treat as if we’re still using carrier pigeons. Instant messaging is just that — it’s f*cking instant — but we still withhold our response times to try and show just how busy, important, and unattached we are. What backward and bullsh*t logic.

5. We expect a perfection that doesn’t exist.

Social media and thousands of dating profiles shoved in our faces lead us to believe we’re entitled a fairy tale life that doesn’t truly exist. We write people off for a minor detail and quickly look for the next best thing that we’ll somehow also find flaws in. Nothing is ever good enough for millennials. We fail to realize that relationships are a balanced bond and that with the amazing things come imperfections as well.

6. We’re overloaded with options.

We don’t believe we need to settle on anything because there’s always someone better looking with a better family life, better hobbies or someone with a better bank account. We move from person to person and even if we land on someone that makes us feel great and we could totally devote ourselves to in a relationship, we’re never quite willing to give up the search. The never-ending journey becomes more exhilarating than the actual prize itself.

7. We’ve become content with being alone.

While we’ve been navigating the journey to find love, we’ve consequently committed our lives to ourselves and made them into something that’s happy and rewarding without someone to love, which means it’s that much harder to invite a relationship into our lives. We’re fine on our own, so we won’t leave our comfort zones for anyone. Sometimes we even find minor and trivial reasons not to because we’re secretly happy with things just the way they are.

8. We’re always stuck in a grey area.

Almost relationships and no strings attached sex are the millennial versions of commitment. We’re left constantly wondering where relationships are headed, if anywhere, and plague ourselves with wondering if we’re wasting our time. No one is clear about their intentions, some lie about their intentions entirely just to have their ego’s stroked for a while, and basically no one has any clue what the f*ck is going on.

9. We don’t feel accountable for the pain we inflict on to others.

When we’ve hurt someone’s feelings, we don’t feel even the slightest bit inclined to apologize or to make good on our wrongs. It’s not our problem — it’s theirs. A person’s emotions, even if caused by something we did or said, is up to them to resolve. We feel entitled to walk around acting like complete d*cks with the expectation that the way it’s received is a reflection of the person we dump our sh*t on and nothing to do with the fact that we were the cruel ones.

**10. We’re all jaded as f*ck.**

Trust is severely lacking in our dating culture. We’re in the thick of a hookup culture that values sex more than love, temporary fulfillment instead of life-long commitment and lazy ass communication that often gets lost in translation. We’re all so confused by our own pasts, and with heaps of more sh*t constantly being added to the pile, we’re all becoming more and more jaded than ever before. We don’t even trust that love exists anymore because all we’re constantly met with disappointment. Dating as a millennial is like being in an apocalypse of love — and it’s pretty f*cked up.

Curated by Peggy
Original Article

Did Millennials Kill The Sexual Revolution?

October 21, 2017January 22, 2024 by Virginia Jonesin Sex, SEX TIPS

Millennials aren’t as sexually active as we’re led to believe. Why is that — and what does it mean?

So, everyone knows that millennials are the most sexually active generation, right?

They’re all about hooking up and moving on, without thoughts of relationships or emotional attachment. They’re just out all day on their hoverboards, snapchatting, eating black ice cream, and designing apps for people who want their dogs to meet.

We’ve seen it on Girls and Broad City, we’ve read articles about it, some of us have even written about it. This generation just can’t get enough of strings-free hookups!

Actually, no.

According to a recent study, millennials are having LESS sex than the rest of us.

According to a report published by the Archives of Sexual Behavior, 15 percent of 20- to 24-year-olds have not had sex since turning 18, up from 6 percent in the early 1990s.

It goes on to say that younger millennials (those born in the early 1990s) are 41 percent more likely to be sexually inactive than their peers born in the 1980s and more than twice as likely to be sexually inactive in their early 20s than Generation X.

So, despite what you’ve heard, millennials are losing their virginity later, leaving sex as a lower priority, marrying later, and in general, are having less sex than any other group in the last 60 years.

How did we get it so wrong? In a word, media.

The percentage of millennials that is pursuing lots of casual sex is more visible and sexier to gossip about. And moreover, many chaste young adults may portray more of a sexy dating life online as part of their “brand” than what they’re pursuing privately.

Is this a blip on the radar, or does this reflect a change of attitude about sex?

The American sex life used to begin at marriage, or right before, which meant that in 1950, most people got married by 22. It was not socially acceptable to have children outside of wedlock, and so sex was considered dangerous and a potentially life-changing activity.

In 1960, the birth control pill became available in the United States. As the danger of accidental pregnancy dropped dramatically, people began questioning whether they needed to get married at all. By 1975, 35 percent of people thought of marriage as an “outdated concept,” and we rejected a lot of ideas about the dangers of premarital sex as old-fashioned. American society has become more secular and our morals have changed to reflect a more humanist society. Since we no longer need to get married to have sex or children, average marriage age has increased to an “elderly” 28 in 2010 and keeps going up.

But what if the sexual revolution of the ‘60s was the abnormality, and this generation is normalizing the behavior humans had for hundreds of years, limiting their number of partners and having sex later?

What’s causing this sexual abstinence in young people? Let’s explore what might be getting in the way.

They’re broke.

With tuitions going up, rents in cities rising, and job requirements also increasing, money’s tight. For the first time in more than 130 years, adults aged 18 to 34 are more likely to live with their folks than with a partner, which puts a damper on sexual activity — a factor also cooling off ardor in Tokyo. The last generation that had this level of sexual inactivity in their youth was during the Great Depression, which was another era where young people had less free time and disposable income.

They’re overworked.

For kids who do get their first jobs in high-pressure environments, they may be expected to be hyper-vigilant and perpetually available to their higher-ups via their phones, put in long hours and struggle for success. This doesn’t leave them with a lot of energy or time for meeting other people or pursuing them seriously.

They’re scared of intimacy.

A recurring theme in music and films is the danger of “catching feelings”, or, worse, of not catching them and of disappointing another person romantically. They speak of love like a disease that can happen if you’re not careful, and many would rather set that aside for now.

They feel unattractive.

The very apps we credit with every kid we know hooking up might only serve the 20 percent best looking of the population. The biggest visible effect of picture-based swiping apps is the death of the “mixed-attractiveness” couple, where one person is less attractive but may be smart, charming, or fun to be with — but only in person, not online. In their increasingly demanding world of snapchat and Instagram, average-looking kids may not even bother with dating apps.

Their meds don’t help.

As you might guess, this broke, stressed, and overworked generation struggles with anxiety and depression — and taking medication for it. Many are probably experiencing side effects that limit their interest in sexual activity.

Porn is everywhere.

Like the sexless generation in Japan, young American men are meeting many of their sexual urges with pornography, which is 100 percent dedicated to being exactly what you want it to be, without the entanglements or dangers of intimacy with other people. They are also the first generation that had pornography available to them as soon as they thought they might want to see some, with the availability of the internet on every computer, tablet, or phone they’ve ever had.

So it might not be about a change in attitude, but just some really specific circumstances that are keeping millennials from having sex.

I would guess that this group’s sexual disinterest is only temporary, and in general in keeping with their interest in delaying adulthood. As this generation finds its way in our great big beautiful world, they’re going to want to have sex with it. The revolution need not be Tinder-ized.