20 First Kisses (You’ll Feel The Emotions)

It’s almost magical how in this moment, we can think of nothing else—we become so intensely focused on our partner (and ourselves). Our senses are on high alert for what’s to come: how it will feel, taste, smell…

Some people worry, “How’s my hair?”, “I’ll look like a fool afterwards wearing her shade of lipstick!”, and “Do I need a mint???”.

The first kiss. Sometimes we just close our eyes, hold our breath and dive in deep. Sometimes we wonder about it’s meaning and where it will lead. Will it be good, be the last, the first step in a journey of everlasting love, a good time tonight, or nothing at all? Either way we’re committed. We’re here, and we’re going for it. And the funny thing is that no matter what comes of it, we’re likely to remember it – sometimes even every last glorious or grueling detail about it!

If you’re dating you may be experiencing a cycle of first kisses…pay attention, a first kiss can be a great litmus test for whether you have the spark together or not.

If you are in a relationship, you may be wondering how to activate the magic and excitement of the first kiss you shared with your partner. Look at each other, like the first time you wanted to kiss each other. Draw on your memory to remember how it felt. Use your imagination! Recreate the first time all over again – kiss!


How to Feel True Intimacy When Making Love

There is a difference between sex and intimacy, and sometimes in a relationship, those two things can get separated. Once you reclaim that intimacy, you can find your relationship stronger than ever.

What is intimacy to you?

Chances are you picture hugs, and long talks staring deeply into each other’s eyes, and holding hands, and even enjoying the silence together. We love feeling totally emotionally connected to another human being–especially our husbands.

Yet most husbands’ definition of intimacy would likely involve far less clothing and far more action. To them, intimacy tends to be sexual. When we open ourselves up sexually, they feel invigorated, accepted, and needed.

Because we both view intimacy differently, though, it’s easy to withdraw when we don’t feel like our needs are being met. When he doesn’t listen to our hearts or show affection, we can easily feel hurt and unappreciated. That makes  us clam up. Then he starts feeling unloved and unappreciated because we aren’t making love, and he withdraws.

Have you ever been part of that domino effect, where everything just starts collapsing?

It’s exhausting.

That was me for the first few years of our marriage. I felt like the more he wanted sex, the less he must love me, because it meant that he loved me for what I could do for him, not just for who I was. His love felt conditional. But he felt the same thing about me!

So there we both were, both feeling like we were being loving, yet both feeling very unloved.

There’s a neat thing about the domino effect, though. When those dominoes start dropping, you can stop the disaster by getting ahead of it. Just do something differently!

With Christmas coming, many of us are eagerly looking for the perfect Christmas gift for our husbands, so that they’ll feel cherished and loved and respected. Perhaps the best gift we can give him is to make an attitude change ourselves, and decide that this year, we’re going to stop that domino effect. We’re going to start figuring out how to look forward to sex–and how to feel true intimacy when we do make love, too.

  1. Get Some Sleep

Seriously. Sleep is a real marriage issue. One of the main reasons that women don’t want to have sex, and have their libidos plummet, is that we’re just too tired. Getting rid of things off of your plate, going to bed at a decent hour, and carving out time for yourself during the day isn’t selfish at all. It’s putting a priority on your marriage!

Added Benefit: Sex helps you sleep better! You fall asleep faster, and you sleep more deeply. So now when I’m super tired, I don’t tell my husband “no”. I say, “come put me to sleep, baby!”

  1. Initiate More

Your husband doesn’t want to be placated. He wants to be wanted. Saying “yes” to him while you lie there and don’t move very much isn’t going to make him feel ten feet tall; he’ll feel like a heel. If you are the one who starts, though, you show him that you do want this.

Added Benefit: If you initiate, you tend to be more active, which has the added advantage that you do things that feel good to you. Instead of him setting the stage, you can set the stage and steer things into a direction that feels great to you!

  1. Be Mentally Present!

Have you ever been making love to your husband when the thought suddenly occurs to you, “is there milk in the fridge for breakfast?” As soon as the thought’s in there, you start adding to it. “What else do I have to pick up at the grocery store tomorrow?” And before you know it your mind is gone.

We women are multi-taskers, but this is one area where that’s a very bad idea. If your head isn’t in the game, your body won’t follow. So when you are making love, make it a practice, even if it’s difficult, of not letting your mind go anywhere else. He’ll likely notice the difference immediately, since that will likely make you more active all at once.

Added Benefit: When we concentrate on what’s going on, we also feel more intimate ourselves, and we feel more loved, because it becomes more emotional and less clinical.

  1. Make Great Sex Your Research Project of 2014

Finally, maybe one of the reasons it’s hard for you to jump on the bandwagon is because making love has never felt that stupendous. The earth has never moved and you start to wonder what all the fuss is about.

That’s normal. When I wrote The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, I found out that it took on average about sixteen years of marriage for things to begin to work like clockwork. It isn’t automatic. And that’s perfectly okay.

As you get better at communicating, as you trust more, as you become more vulnerable, sex will improve. But sometimes you also need a little bit of help! Get a book that can help you learn how to make your body feel good. Find a book to work through together (like my 31 Days to Great Sex). Even put the book in his stocking, with a letter, saying that you want 2014 to be the year that you both really connect.

Added Benefit: You’ll start to feel those fireworks, too! And the more your body starts to respond, the easier it gets to respond, so that it snowballs.

The best gift you can give your husband is to start valuing the things that he values, and that includes the way that he sees love. And as you do this, you’ll learn a special secret: sex is actually pretty great, and it isn’t just for him! So this Christmas, give him all of yourself. You may just find that you enjoy the present just as much.

Curated by Michael

Original Article

Tantra is Not P*rn

What if studying tantra could heal our addiction to Porn? What if tapping into our natural abilities to experience ecstasy changes everything?

I was really nervous when I first realized that I wanted to teach Tantra. What would people think? Would they be offended? Talking about sex is such a no-no. I live in a very small conservative community, how was this going to work?

But then a good friend said to me, “Do you realize what you’re offering people? Tantra is essentially the OPPOSITE of porn.” Once I realized this, I never looked back!

Porn is a funny thing. Despite some opinions, I believe that it isn’t inherently evil. Lots of people truly enjoy watching porn, including many couples who use it together to have a new experience. Yet it is seemingly undeniable that there are some real dark sides to porn.

Besides the obvious violence and anything involving children, there are much more insidious issues:

1) What We Look Like Is Everything

Porn focuses on being stimulated through the body. And so we are subconsciously told that sexuality depends on what your body looks like. You must be young, fit, have perky breasts and a large penis, otherwise you can’t be a good lover. And ironically this sets up a huge self-worth issue in everyone, particularly those who don’t see themselves as young, fit and perky. And for the ones that do, they still quite often don’t see themselves as perky or big enough. Ultimately, no one leaves happy with themselves.

2) It’s All About Successfully Pleasuring The Other

Porn focuses on pleasing the other. Now obviously there is some part of us deep down that knows that the desire to please our partner is actually a wonderful thing. But that isn’t usually how it comes across in porn. It comes across as the only thing that is important. That bringing the other person to orgasm is the only goal. And what’s wrong with that you ask? Well it is the message that our unconscious receives, that this is the only goal of lovemaking. That if you can’t bring your partner to orgasm, then there is no point making love. We end up with things like performance anxiety on both the giver and the receiver side.

Shot of nude female telekinetic posing with stones

3) Connection & Intimacy Aren’t Important

Porn has nothing to do with connection. It is simply a series of physical events that two people do together. There is no connection or intimacy. And this isn’t always bad, sometimes a round of rockin’ porn sex can be fun, but again it sends programming to our subconscious that this is what sex is about. That the connection doesn’t matter and it’s just about getting off.

4) This Is All We Are Capable Of

The worst part of it is that porn makes us believe that this is all that there is. We think that we know what sex is all about and that porn just plays the edge of it, which is what is so titillating. But it isn’t true.

THE TRUTH IS that we as humans are using maybe 5% of our sexual abilities. It’s like having a piano where we think that there are only 10 keys. So we get really good at playing chopsticks. But the truth is that there are 88 keys and we can actually play phenomenal mind-blowing music. But we just didn’t know.

Porn deepens the belief that chopsticks is all that there is. So we just play it edgier and edgier so that hearing it still interests us. But we are missing the boat.

So how does Tantra change all this?

It shows us the other 78 keys on the piano, and then teaches us how to play.

1) We Are So Much More Than Our Physical Bodies

The sexiest part of us isn’t our physicality. A truly sensual person has a presence about them that is absolutely captivating and enthralling. They can look at you and gently touch you in a way that will leave you spellbound. They will bring you into their inner quiet where you will breathe and touch each other sending chills and orgasms throughout your bodies. What their body looks like is quite irrelevant.

2) Pleasuring Is Greater When It Is Mutual

We are energetic beings as well as physical. When we are touching our partner, if we are really present and enjoying the feel of our partner’s skin, they will sense this. Your touch will be different than if you are just doing it in order to please them. When you are truly in the moment, there is an electricity that comes out your fingers (or other sexy parts) that permeates your partner’s entire body. As your partner’s body responds to this, this pleasure cycles back to you, and the giver and the receiver roles start to become blurred. There is just simply pleasure being shared regardless of who is doing what.

3) Connection Is Everything

We are DESIGNED to connect with each other on a very deep level. Human beings do not do well without feeling deep connection. We call it “neediness” and “being desperate” when someone is feeling disconnected. But it’s really just because deep down we know that we are capable of phenomenal connection. And when we feel this amazing connection, things in our lives just get better. Depression lifts. We don’t feel as anxious. We notice the joys in life. We appreciate each other. We feel a level of content and happiness that we just don’t experience when we are all alone.

In tantra, this connection comes first. This is the foundation of all the sexual play. It’s like you first have to “plug in” to each other before the energy can flow. And so there is real intention to drop our guards and allow each other inside to truly connect and experience each other.

4) Sex Is Meant To Be A Multi-Dimensional Experience

When we actually bring in everything that we truly are into our intimate experiences, we go from having simply physical sex to having an experience involving our minds, emotions, feelings, intuition, passion, presence, plus a pile of dimensions that you can’t even explain, they just happen.

And the most amazing thing is that it doesn’t take any tricks. It doesn’t take a pile of methods or fancy sexual abilities. It is actually incredibly natural and programmed into us, we just haven’t accessed it.

Spiritual nude woman telekinetically moving stone

So Will Tantra Rid The World Of Porn?

I don’t think so. We love sex. Our sexual desire makes us feel alive. And truthfully, watching other people have sex can be very titillating.

Tantra heals our REAL relationships with REAL people. Learning how to actually be intimate with others allows us to have incredibly satisfying relationships with the people around us. We feel deeper connections and our intimate experiences actually heal us and make us feel wonderful about ourselves!

So porn won’t go away, but for many, the addiction can fade, because once you start experiencing the opposite side, your true potential, true intimacy and the sexual experiences that we are designed to have, the porn can’t own you. It just doesn’t come close to comparing to the experiences you’ve had.

I mean, once you’ve driven a Mazerati, driving a child’s push car just doesn’t compare.

Curated by Karinna

Original Article


6 Ways to Awaken the Tantric Lover Within You

We are all born Tantric lovers, because we are all born as divine, loving pure presence.

When most people think of Tantra, they think of the Kama Sutra and a host of awkward sex positions that seem unattainable even to the well-practiced yogi. Many think Tantra is all about sex.

Yes sexuality is a part of Tantra, because Tantra is Love; Tantra is Life. So sexuality obviously falls under this broad category.

Tantra is love. Tantra is connection, presence and conscious relating to one’s self and to another. Tantra combines spirituality and sexuality as a platform to deepen into self-understanding and empowerment, and is a sacred path walked by many.

Living a Tantric life unveils gateways to balancing and integrating our masculine and feminine energies, in order to feel whole again. To feel connected to our truth and infused with copious amounts of love and acceptance. A Tantric life allows one to see the divine and sacred in every living being and experience.

Exploring Tantra also creates space to shine light and heal shame, guilt and suppression — embedded in our society around our sexuality, where the seat of our personal power and creative gifts lie.

So how does one become a Tantric lover?

Bringing Tantra into your life means inviting in more love and presence. And yes, this includes your sex life as well.

Below are six tips on how to infuse the sacred in the bedroom and awaken the Tantric Lover within:

1. Think of love making as a sacred ritual.

Shift your perception from “having sex” to “making love and co-creating with the divine.” Set up your bedroom as a sacred space; a temple. Create an altar in your bedroom with things that are special to you both; things that support the growth of each other and the highest good of all. Add special photos of the two of you, sacred books or other objects for manifestation purposes. Light candles and burn incense. Create a beautiful, nurturing and sensual space.

2. Meditate and set intentions before love making.

Before engaging in love making, take time to sit in meditation together while facing each other. Call forth your highest selves and offer your bodies up to a higher power. Imagine energy forming around the two of you individually, as well as around the both of you. Envision a third co-creative field being created.

Set intentions for the journey together and ask yourselves what you want to offer up to the divine through this act of love making between your bodies. Set clear intentions — individually and collectively — for the relationship.

3. Commit to presence.

By committing to being 100% present with each another creates space for true feelings, vulnerability and honesty to unfold. This in turn, will allow you both to go deeper into your highest self and to your partner. Do not be afraid to be honest, with how you are exactly feeling.

Check in with your body, constantly asking what it wants and where it is at. For women: If your yoni is not yet wet, it is an indicator that your body is not ready to receive. Do not lie to yourself and go against the natural signals from your body. Continue to dive deeper into yourself to look for any blockages, barriers and resistances; for these will only allow you to open more.

Relaxing With Massage

4. Practice Tantric massage on your partner.

Take time to massage and worship each other’s body with full presence and awareness. Do not rush into the act. Use deep, slow and mindful massage. You may also practice a Tantric technique of yoni and lingham worship, by worshipping each other’s genitals.

5. Men: Learn how to hold your seed.

All ancient Tantric traditions encourage men to retain their seed. Spiritually, this allows the energy to flow back into the body upon orgasm and raise up the body through the chakras. This leaves the man feeling energized as opposed to drained after sex, for his energy is being retained and used for higher spiritual purposes. Men become more focused, clear and present as a result. Plus they can continue to make love for hours and hours…

6. Ditch any expectations and agenda.

The golden rule is to never have an end goal in mind. Goal-oriented sex; to reach a peak in orgasm, will leave you both disappointed and disconnected from one another in the present moment. Much like in life, when you have expectations you often miss what is actually in front of you and REAL.

Commit to the authentic deepening of your bond, rather than reaching a climax. And then once you make this mental shift, the climax will occur naturally, unexpectedly and even more intense.

Young adult nude couple. High contrast black and white

6 Practices to Awaken Your Inner Tantric Lover

We are all born Tantric lovers, because we are all born as divine, loving pure presence.

When most people think of Tantra, they think of the Kama Sutra and a host of awkward sex positions that seem unattainable even to the well-practiced yogi. Many think Tantra is all about sex.

Yes sexuality is a part of Tantra, because Tantra is Love; Tantra is Life. So sexuality obviously falls under this broad category.

Tantra is love. Tantra is connection, presence and conscious relating to one’s self and to another. Tantra combines spirituality and sexuality as a platform to deepen into self-understanding and empowerment, and is a sacred path walked by many.

Living a Tantric life unveils gateways to balancing and integrating our masculine and feminine energies, in order to feel whole again. To feel connected to our truth and infused with copious amounts of love and acceptance. A Tantric life allows one to see the divine and sacred in every living being and experience.

Exploring Tantra also creates space to shine light and heal shame, guilt and suppression — embedded in our society around our sexuality, where the seat of our personal power and creative gifts lie.

So how does one become a Tantric lover?

Bringing Tantra into your life means inviting in more love and presence. And yes, this includes your sex life as well.

Below are six tips on how to infuse the sacred in the bedroom and awaken the Tantric Lover within:

1. Think of love making as a sacred ritual.

Shift your perception from “having sex” to “making love and co-creating with the divine.” Set up your bedroom as a sacred space; a temple. Create an altar in your bedroom with things that are special to you both; things that support the growth of each other and the highest good of all. Add special photos of the two of you, sacred books or other objects for manifestation purposes. Light candles and burn incense. Create a beautiful, nurturing and sensual space.

2. Meditate and set intentions before love making.

Before engaging in love making, take time to sit in meditation together while facing each other. Call forth your highest selves and offer your bodies up to a higher power. Imagine energy forming around the two of you individually, as well as around the both of you. Envision a third co-creative field being created.

Set intentions for the journey together and ask yourselves what you want to offer up to the divine through this act of love making between your bodies. Set clear intentions — individually and collectively — for the relationship.

How to Become a Tantrika

By extending and expanding the body’s capacity for pleasure, we celebrate the sacred in others and ourselves. Erotic feeling is a vehicle for exploring ecstatic states and deepening intimacy. Tantra invites us to transform sexual experience by seeing ourselves and our partners differently – releasing cynicism and judgment, and honouring the spirit within.


Curated by Erbe
Original Source

Why My Mother Tells My Boyfriend She Loves Him

I’m in a relationship, please don’t hate me!

I’m in a loving committed relationship with an awesome man. We have a beautiful home together in sunny Los Angeles and because he came with a dog, I now have one, too. Overall, it’s pretty great. So great, I’m tempted to put a mini white picket fence around the patio of our ground floor apartment. But considering I’m such a klutz, I’ll probably end up impaling myself on it somehow.

As a girlfriend of mine recently pointed out, ‘this is a MAJOR turn in events’ for me having spent the last 7 years single. Yup. That’s right: seven years.  If you gasped in horror, I forgive you. I find that to be the most common reaction to my revelation. (For some of the reasons why, read this)

So when things changed, boy, did they change. I can’t tell you how relieved my mother is. Our Skype calls now end with her telling my significant other she loves him, whether he’s in the room or not.  I’m pretty sure my Dad’s relieved, too. He rarely asks me anymore if I’m ‘eating enough’, which in my family seems to be code for ‘are you happy?’. Which I am. He can see it in my eyes. And my cheeks. I even unintentionally became the Patron Saint for Late Love to my younger female cousin, who wrote to me to ask – and I quote – “How did you manage to trust someone after being single for so long and after meeting so many sh*theads?”

Continue Reading on Next Page

Was it Sexual Healing?

Closing in on my first year living overseas, I had taken the opportunity to check out the countryside as part of an exchange. The program allowed young internationals looking to extend our working holiday another year in Australia by doing farm work.

As you might imagine, while scenic and beautiful, it was not a juggernaut of cool fun and excitement. The farmers treated us mostly like trained animals they didn’t like much. To pass time, I began listening to a podcast on how to understand and let go of your ego and live in the present moment. Fully aware of the irony, I would use these talks to set my mind free of the boring and painful work strewn across the breathtaking landscape. In short, I wore thai fisherman’s pants, got into the best shape of my life, stunk of minty muscle cream and each day rinsed away the sweat, mud and degradation for six minutes (due to the water restrictions imposed by a drought) of heavenly shower time.

During a slow patch of work, I found a flyer in a shop near my hostel. It was advertising a weekend retreat with a name like TOGETHERNESS that claimed to celebrate the masculine and feminine in us all. It was three days of seminars, yoga and dancing around bonfires on a lake and it was right near where I was staying. Perfect.

At 23, I was promptly crowned “the youngest woman,” and was accordingly coaxed to dance around bonfire number one during the opening ceremony along with the youngest man, a 21 year old who was the son of the retreat’s creator, and whose hubris was through the roof.

While ordinarily I would have had my red flags firing on all cylinders, indicating that this was an express train to dreadlocked armpit hair and the Law of Attraction; I felt safe enough to roll with some gentle brainwashing. Perhaps what has gotten me into the most trouble in my life so far, has been encountering an absurd situation and leaning into it out of sheer bewilderment of it’s very existence, coupled with an adolescent sort of curiosity.

The intense introspection of a few months of fieldwork combined with being in my early twenties left me feeling very open to the world. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what was going on, but I felt utterly blissful the more I surrendered to the experience.

One of the workshops the retreat had offered was something called a “Cuddle Party.” Curious and encouraged by the glowing feedback of the woman next to me examining the daily schedule, I hiked up my fisherman’s pants and shuffled off my birkenstocks into the “puddle” made of pillows.

A burly and round man in his late 30s identifying himself as a “Sexual Healer” explained the exercise where we weren’t allowed to touch one another, unless there was an explicit “Yes.” Our directive was to talk to each other and ask permission to touch each other in various areas that might lead to cuddling, but we were told could not lead to anything sexual unless we wanted to “take it elsewhere”. If we felt like responding with even so much as a “maybe,” we were instructed to default to “No.”

Later that evening, the sexual healer approached me and we started talking. It’s a bit of a blur of patchouli and moonlight, but he proceeded to charm me into his tent like a snake in a basket, and I spent the remainder of the retreat enchanted under his spell. Rather than return to harsh life of cold bunk beds and mean farmers, I enveloped myself in the afterglow of the retreat and floated into the nearest city where most of my new friends, and the Aussie Marvin Gaye incarnate lived.

The first few days were spent in a whirlwind of new thoughts and ideas. He showed me videos about his therapy and how he helped women with chronic pain in their vulvas (known as Vulvodynia, or a depressed vagina, as a friend who had struggled with the affliction would describe it), shared books on open relationships and often casually remarked on how he’d like to one day have a harem.

I absorbed as much information as I could on how his practice helped women and couples. It seemed that I was meeting a lot of young ingenues and very friendly sex workers; a phrase, I was told, which extended from writing erotica for a living to working in a brothel or, providing what I learned was called “full release” massage in your high rise condo to exclusive clientele; and everything in between.

Some of the women who floated in and out of the home were sweet and open. I remember one of my new sex working friends inviting me to her home, showing me her “massage” space, eating a lot of prunes and ordering pizza. She got very sick (probably from the prunes, she ate about 50 of them), and I somehow awoke next to her with her freaking out over seeing my eyes without glasses. She wanted to go and get colonics together. Those plans somehow never materialized.

One of the other women, a young mother of two, stared daggers at me. I later pieced together that she was sort of the Matriarch and it seemed I had unwittingly moved in on her turf. I could never figure out what I had done to upset her, but she had a way of introducing me to the concept of passive aggression in a way I had never experienced.

Marvin (as I’ll refer to him for the remainder of this story) continued my education in his work by showing me a movie about a married couple whose relationship was marred by her inability to climax after experiencing a traumatic sexual event in her past. The sexual healer in the movie “treated” the wife by having sex with her and helping her find her orgasm. The healer saved their marriage and this was the apparent impetus for Marvin’s work. Though Marvin claimed to never have sexual intercourse with his clients, he would “massage” them and provide counsel. He also introduced me to a duo who deftly circumvented anti-prostitution laws in America by dividing the labour and having one woman massage the vulva (or, yoni, as Marvin insisted on referring to it) with instruments (rather than hands or body parts), and the other knelt by her head and talked her through the experience. It was fascinating and confusing. He introduced me to his library of books on open relationships and showed me his “Treatment” room, which was essentially a living/dining room with a massage table and throw pillows. Marvin felt strongly that this area and his bedroom remain separate and expressed that he strived to keep the two sides of his life from blending. He talked to me about the importance of clear communication in all relationships, especially open ones. He created a book comparing photos of yonis next to corresponding flowers. I cautiously ate it up with a spoon and waited for more.

Early on, Marvin tied me up with some very sexy satin ropes, and skilfully continued with his seduction. I sought to understand his work while enraptured with the idea of being a muse. After the first few days, however, I noticed we were spending a lot of time cuddling and walking around naked like we were in a nature documentary; but, strangely, having sex together ground to a startling halt without any real explanation. He would insist that he just wasn’t feeling very sexual. Not one to take a hint, I stuck around.

One evening, while Marvin was conducting a women’s talking circle that I did not qualify for, I had an accident. Not one to interrupt the sanctity of the circle, the loud “BOUUFFFF” sound of an exploding natural heating pad in his kitchen went ignored, until one of the women insisted he check on me. He promptly hid me in his room with an ice pack and returned to the circle.

On the advice of a nurse’s hotline, I took myself and my 56 new blisters to the ER. I made some new friends, cracked some jokes, and relaxed until the shock wore off. Eventually, once his talking circle was finished, Marvin came to collect me. Wrapped in bandages and high on morphine, I suggested we lighten the mood and go out for ice cream. Marvin quietly escorted me to a convenience store, where he waited as I picked up my own pint. Either I wasn’t very good at setting location notes and ambiance preferences for post-traumatic cheer-me-up dates, or it was starting to appear that my position on his pedestal was now really coming apart at the screws. It was not long (but not before falling asleep waiting on his front lawn, while he presumably hooked up with the Matriarch across town) before I packed up my fisherman’s pants and headed south.

My memory paints this story as one of an older man manipulating an impressionable (and possibly clueless) young woman during a vulnerable time in her life, then casting her aside. Someone so eager to help what seemed to be every other woman and encourage open communication and free sexuality, drew me in, adored me and then, when he wasn’t proselytising, swiftly ignored me. It felt like a classic bait and switch. The ole “C’mere, Go Aways” as my best friend used to call it. The more I reached out to understand everything and figure out what I was missing, the more deeply he would withdraw, and his attention and his affection would wane. It took more time than I’m proud of to figure out I had played my part and then hung around a little too long after the curtain call.

Today, I am in a healthy and calm long term relationship. I am kinder to myself, I have learned about this weird concept called “boundaries.” I threw away my fisherman’s pants. I got a tattoo on my arm to cover the physical scars and I saw a counsellor to try and run interference on the emotional ones. It took me years to wrap my head fully around my experience, my true errors in judgement, rather than perceived flaws in my character, as well as my actual flaws in character and how to deal with them. I’m no longer bitter, confused or resentful (most of the time), but I am weary of protecting my emotional soft spots, and immediately suspicious of older men offering cuddles and lectures on female empowerment.

And I will never listen to a Marvin Gaye album with a straight face again.

Tantric Yoga for Lovers

These moves look sensual and grow intimacy! 

Improve the quality of your relationship and loving, increase the flow of sexual energy, and share a gentle yoga routine with your partner. Develop a regular practice for toning your bodies, and balance body mind and spirit – in and out of the bedroom.

Tantric Yoga for Lovers
Simple yoga moves can connect you deeper with your partner and make your lovemaking stronger.

Curated by Erbe
Original Source

How to be Physically Intimate without Having Sex

We love rethinking foreplay and building intimacy!

It is understood that sex between two people is the most intimate activity there is. This is because sex is an event where the reproductive parts of the persons involved meet and experience very ecstatic feelings and emotions. They cannot be translated into words or expressed in any way, shape, or form other than saying that they are sexual pleasures. All men and women from the beginning of their teenage years start having these urges to explore their sexuality in a lot ways.

Sex happens to be the most extreme and the most pleasurable one for everyone. As such doing it brings a lot of satisfaction and enjoyment to people. However sex is also very overrated and there are a lot many perfectly happy couple in the world without having had sex at all. It can be hard to understand this is if you have never been in a relationship without sex; however it is very true.

When it comes to physical intimacy, people get very confused because for most, sex is intimate. Yes, this is true, and while sex is intimate, people must also know and remember that there are a lot of levels of physical intimacy in a relationship. The most basic one being holding hands. This is also an act of physical intimacy, and while some may regard it as futile, silly, and childish, it is in fact frowned upon in a lot of cultures around the world.

Anyhow, one need not have sex to achieve physical intimacy in a relationship. Sex is a quite a big deal for people, especially girls and if they are not ready then forcing them into it is a very shameful act on your part. As such respect their decisions and choices. In turn, explore and find other ways to be physically intimate with your partners. There are four

Experiencing First Base

If it is your first date, then it is time for observing the color of her eyes and perhaps the way she smiles. It is not the time for picturing her body naked. As for the girl, it is important to notice how the guy behaves generally and not if he is demanding in bed. If you two cannot find a level of compatibility with each other right at the beginning then it is futile wondering anything else. As such the first base is when you meet and hug each other for the first time.

Or even if you are meeting after a two-month vacation, and you have missed each other so much that you just keep on hugging for 5 minutes. This is intimacy at its best. This is the moment where you simply love the presence of each other in your lives and not sex. This is how you can avoid sex, by understanding the value of the other person in your life.

In addition to that kissing is the main part of the first base. It is when you two kiss so passionately that nothing else seems to matter. Your kisses are just so passionate that you feel like wanting to hold time still in order to be able to preserve this moment as it is. Hugging, holding hands, and kissing each other are the main parts of first base.

You Can’t Calculate Intimacy with a Quota

How much weight do you place on sex frequency and your happiness?


I’m 32 years old and my sex life with my girlfriend is brilliant, but friends in much longer-term relationships have warned me it will deplete over time, and become less exciting. Is it possible to stop this decline happening?

Habit is, as you recognise, a problematic aspect of any long-term sexual relationship, but long-term companionship offers such enormous physical, emotional and social benefits that most people figure the trade off is worth it.

However, as long as a relationship remains meaningful, familiarity does not translate into boredom. When you are single you are able to have lots of relationships with different people.

When you are part of a couple you have lots of different relationships with one person. You fall in and out of love with each other all the time. You have novel sex. You have dull sex. You have make-up sex.

Sexual relationships are not static and boredom is not a passive response to over- familiarity.

It is something one or both partners actively allows to happen to a sexual relationship that is almost certainly under- performing on multiple levels.

Several surveys have shown relationship duration is positively correlated with a decline in sexual desire, sexual satisfaction, and sexual frequency, however it is not necessarily a linear, or even an inevitable, progression.

Sexual frequency can increase, or, in response to an array of mental, physical, relational, social, even financial changes.

Think about it. When you get ill, chances are you don’t feel like having sex. And if, for example, you and your girlfriend ever decide to have a baby, chances are, your sexual frequency will go through the roof.

Since none of us can predict the future, there is not much point in worrying about occasional fluctuations in sexual activity, unless of course, they correlate with a worrying decline in relationship satisfaction.

Sexual and relational satisfaction are intrinsically linked, which is why sexual difficulties are such a useful gauge of the health of a relationship. Stable relationships, in which both partners consider themselves happy and satisfied, are more likely to report higher rates of sexual activity than relationships characterised by friction and strain.

It makes intuitive sense that couples who like each other are more likely to touch each other, and because this association is bi-directional, the recipe for a good sex life is pretty much the same as the recipe for having a good relationship.

How you Can Change your Marriage in 6 hours

Only a few minutes extra a week can greatly improve your relationship!

When John Gottman talks, I listen.

Actually, I’ve never heard him talk, but when he writes, I read.

So when a newly revised edition of his best-selling “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” (Harmony Books) hit my desk, I cracked it open immediately.

Gottman is a psychology professor at the University of Washington and the founder/director of the Gottman Institute, a marital research and counseling center in Seattle.

Maybe you’ve read about his theory on “master couples” versus “disaster couples.”

Co-authored with Nan Silver, “Seven Principles,” which has sold a million-plus copies, was first released in 1999 — before Tinder, before Facebook — heck, before some of us even had cell phones.

The updated version offers tips for dealing with digital distractions, including Gottman’s suggestion to agree on rules of tech etiquette: How much are you comfortable with your partner sharing on social media? When is texting/posting off-limits (mealtimes, date nights)? Do you create cyber-free zones in your home?

Most compelling of all, though, is Gottman’s “magic six hours” theory, based on interviews with couples who attended marital workshops at the Gottman Institute.

“We wondered what would distinguish those couples whose marriages continued to improve from those whose marriages did not,” Gottman writes. “To our surprise, we discovered that they were devoting only an extra six hours a week to their marriage.”

If your first thought is, “Only? Where am I going to find an extra six hours in my week?” — I hear you.

If that was not your first thought, forget I said anything.

Anyway, back to the winning formula.

Couples who saw their relationships improve devoted extra time each week to six categories.

First up: Partings

“Make sure that before you say good-bye in the morning and you’ve learned about one thing that is happening in your spouse’s life that day,” Gottman writes. “From lunch with the boss to a doctor’s appointment to a scheduled phone call with an old friend.”Couple Cuddling Affectionate On The Beach

(Two minutes per day for five days, for a grand total of 10 minutes per week.)

Gottman recommends greeting your partner each day with a hug and kiss that last at least 6 seconds and ending each workday with stress-reducing conversation that lasts at least 20 minutes. (About 1 hour and 40 minutes per week.)

4 ways to Navigate Your Feelings for Someone

It can feel like absolute turmoil if you don’t have the tools to know how to manage your emotions when you develop feelings for someone, from agonizing despair, to intense euphoria, and everything in between.  These are likely signs of love addiction, which can be a result of an overly romanticized social view of “romantic love” as the greatest virtue one can achieve.

If you’re one of the rare people in the world who knows exactly what to say and how to act when you develop feelings for someone, consider yourself lucky.  For the rest of us, it takes conscious effort to figure out what to do and what not to do in these situations.

Through many years of missteps and mistakes, I figured out the healthiest ways to manage the development of feelings for someone, and most of the work is internal.

Here are the steps that have worked for me:

1.  Figure out how to be happy when you’re by yourself.

If you’re able to find happiness from within, life becomes easier, but achieving this level of independence takes hard work.  I read several self-help books and made a deliberate effort to treat myself like my own best friend.

We tend to use the word “alone” when we describe being by ourselves, but using the word “alone” implies that you are not a person.  The fact is, you’re technically never alone because you’re always with yourself.  You’re the only person that you’re around all the time, so you have to figure out how to start seeing yourself as a person and learn how to love that person.  It’s an everyday struggle, but once you feel like you deserve to be treated well by yourself, a whole world of opportunities will open up for you.

In addition to that, you become more attractive to others because there isn’t as much pressure for other people to make you happy.  The foundation of most–if not all–healthy relationships begins with people that can be happy by themselves so that when they find someone they’d like to spend their time with, they do so because the other person is a complement to their lives, and not a necessity.

2.  Lower the stakes.

There’s a tendency to live inside our heads when we begin developing feelings for someone.  Maybe you begin fantasizing what your lives would be like together, or how happy this person will make you.  But once you start going down that road, you begin idealizing a person that you don’t know that well.  You haven’t lived with this person.  You don’t see this person everyday.  You haven’t witnessed this person’s undesirable qualities or bad moods.

You’ve created a person who is perfect, a standard that no human can live up to.  You’ve cast this person as a life-preserver instead of an actual flawed human being like everybody else.  This person is not a magic pill for eternal happiness.

Also, contrary to what most television shows, movies, and books will have you believe, relationships actually take hard work with years of compromise and communication.  It’s not some finish line to happiness.  Once you’ve lowered the stakes, it’ll help you gain some perspective and realize that while it would be nice to spend time with this person, it won’t be catastrophic if you don’t, because you won’t be missing out on a perfect relationship that doesn’t exist.

Embrace Yoga for a Super Sex Life

Yoga can benefit your body and your sex life!

While the first International Yoga Day has rightfully positioned the nearly 5,000-year old Indian system of physical and mental rejuvenation on to the global mat, little do people know that there are some postures that, if done under proper guidance, can ramp up their sex life too.

For sound love-making, the whole idea is to make the mind tranquil so that the process of cerebral tissue oxygenation can take place in deepest of human tissues, micro-nutrients reach the tiniest parts of our brain and the genitalia get good blood supply, explain yoga and health experts.

Yoga exercises, under the supervision of a trained professional, gets you right on the top in an efficient manner.

“Daily stress, smoking, alcohol and excess sugar intake – all hamper sexual performance in both men and women to a great extent. Yoga calms the mind and helps increase blood flow to the private parts,” one of the nation’s top sexologists, Prakash Kothari, told IANS.

To his patients, he generally advises two yoga postures – Shavasana (corpse) and Vajrasana (kneeling).

While Shavasana leaves you in a state of rejuvenation, reducing blood pressure, anxiety and insomnia, Vajrasana makes the body exceptionally strong and healthy.

“Vajrasana also helps in digestion which is key to good health and increases the flow of blood to the whole body,” said Kothari, founder-adviser of the World Association of Sexual Health (WAS).

New Delhi-based yoga expert Deepak Jha advised more yoga postures to enhance sexual pleasure.Indian Love

“Postures like Paschimottanasana (seated forward bending), Halasana (plow) and Bhujangasana (cobra) help release sex hormone testosterone faster in men and also strengthen the genitalia,” Jha told IANS.

As a holistic practice, yoga can increase physical stamina and, in turn, prolong the pleasure associated with sex.

In fact, according to an abstract published recently in the journal Wiley, yoga practices can be invaluable in prolonging sexual stamina and pleasure.

“Yoga can help one relieve stress and get physically fit. A healthy body leads to a healthy mind, which eventually brings everything on place in life,” Manish Jain, senior consultant (Psychiatry) at the BLK Super Speciality Hospital here, told IANS.

Yoga also teaches you to control your physical energy, meaning you can make sex more intense and make the “big moments” last longer.

Understanding Your Sexual Energy and Sexuality

Sexuality is a nature in us, as beings of life-energy, and, like every aspect in us, this nature also requires conscious balancing to ensure that we experience, and express, sexuality in a manner that’s aligned with wisdom along with enjoyment/appreciation of the same. As I’ve mentioned in the previous posts, there are 6 natures, or dimensions of thinking, in life-energy – Love, Joy, Hatred, Fear, Boredom and Sexuality. As a being, you cannot do away with any of these natures and finding an inner balance requires you to bring an aware understanding towards each of these natures, in you, and from this understanding let go of any imbalanced resistance/suppression, or over-identification, towards them, thus allowing for a balanced expression to become the norm.

The journey towards finding conscious balance is a very “personal” journey, and every “body” brings a unique challenge, or opportunity, towards finding this balance. It doesn’t matter how mature/enlightened you are as a soul (possibly having the experience of several lifetimes) you can still find it challenging to work with a human body, in conditions of physical living with other humans, especially when the body comes with its own imbalances (acquired from a gene pool) or when it comes with some specific physical make-up that makes it challenging to function within the “fixated” views of the society.

I get several emails and comments concerning the aspect of sexuality and sexual energy, and I would like to address some common themes here; this post would be mostly focused on gaining a balanced perspective/understanding of the various nuances of sexuality and the deal of finding inner freedom, and thus finding inner balance, towards sexual expression. Finding inner freedom is the foundation towards finding inner balance – without freedom you cannot align with wisdom, and without wisdom you cannot find a balance. When you are in a “bondage”, either out of fear-based suppression or over-indulgent identification, there is no space for wisdom and you are purely motivated, and pulled around, but your “imprisonment” – it doesn’t matter what excuses you make to justify it to yourself. And, this is true for all the 6 dimensions/natures in life-energy – you can be a prisoner to love, to hatred, to fear, to sex, to boredom or to joy. Finding inner freedom from all the 6 dimensions is the pre-requisite to finding an inner balance (and thus connecting with a balanced expression/experience of these dimensions/natures).

It’s very important to understand that inner freedom is just the “foundation”, it’s not supposed to be the “end-point” – a lot of spiritual teachings confuse people into believing that finding inner freedom is the end-point of some sort, and hence propagate some ambiguous pointers on “detachment” as some ultimate goal. Inner freedom is simply a foundation towards balanced living, it gives you the required “ground” to start enjoying the expression of your nature in a balanced manner.

The subject of sexuality usually entails the following aspects of discussion – sexual orientation/preferences, sexuality combined with relationships (expressions like monogamy, polygamy, polyamory and open-relationships in general), masturbation or self-pleasure, celibacy, kinks/fetishes, spiritual sex and sexual hang-ups.

Understanding sexual orientation

There is very common tendency to mis-understand sexual preferences with “relationship orientation”. For example, being gay/homosexual is not just a sexual preference it’s a relationship-orientation in a human. It’s very common for people to mis-understand homo-sexuality with bi-sexuality mostly because both the terms contain the word “sexuality” it’s assumed that both have to do purely with sexual preference, which is not really the case. Being gay is not just about sex, it’s also about emotions, it involves your “heart” – a gay person has the make-up to fall in “love” with another person of the same sex wanting expressions like emotional bonding, marriage, family, etc, just like regular couples (“Lesbian” in the true sense is a woman who is gay). A gay man/woman would feel the same tingling emotions of love, in his/her heart, towards a person of the same-sex, just as a straight man/woman would feel towards a person of opposite sex. Bi-sexuality, on the other hand, is simply an expression of sexual exploration based on curiosity, or need for an adventure or entertainment, as a preference. Just because you have a bi-sexual encounter doesn’t make you gay.