LOVE Archives - Page 29 of 36

Why I am Loving the First Date

June 11, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

So while I’m waiting on love to come my way, I have come to really appreciate the truly special gifts, that come from a first date.

It was not my plan to be single again. It was not my plan to be suddenly widowed after only have 4 years of marriage with my beautiful husband, or to try to navigate through modern-day dating and dating sites. No, none of these things were my plan.

So, about a year and a half ago, when I was finally ready to actively go out into the dating world again with my full suit of armor, I was on the defense. I was hesitant, scared, and downright suspicious of all these “new men” I was meeting. What were their intentions? Were they out to hurt me? Would I ever find true love again, or would I be forced to keep going on these endless dates, until eternity?

I still don’t know the answers, but lately, I have begun to enjoy the process of figuring out the questions. Lately, I have told myself to stop over-analyzing everything, and start to be in the moment of each date. Stop being overly-suspicious, and instead, be openly-cautious and aware. Stop making judgments about men too early on, assuming that they aren’t right for me, or that this one can’t possibly understand where I’m coming from in life. I have tried to dial back my instinct to be impatient, and turn up the volume on enjoying the new-ness of a first date. Sure, things have certainly changed a whole lot in the world of dating these days, but the special-ness of that very first date is still there, if you want it to be. I should know. I have been on a LOT of first dates over the past couple years, an I have collected a lot of special memories and moments. There is something about a first date, that has a sense of magic. Here are 5 reasons why:

THAT NERVOUS FEELING:

It is 2 hours before the big date, and you are getting ready in your bedroom. You have put on nail polish and even toenail polish, for the first time in ages. You keep changing your mind between the white blouse and flattering jeans, or the bright blue more casual but fun shirt, with leggings. How casual is too casual? What If I’m overdressed? Do these shoes look okay? Do guys even look at shoes? I hope not, because I haven’t bought new ones in ages. You give your eye makeup that extra something to make your lashes stand out. You re-apply your lipstick, and your peppermint body spritzer. You anxiously drive yourself to the restaurant or pub or coffee shop or meeting location, getting there nice and early so you can control getting that first glance at him in person, before he sees you. These kind of nerves are probably even more intense these days, if you are on the dating sites, like I am.

In the old days, before the internet, you would most likely meet someone through friends or at school or work. If you were a man, you would maybe see a girl you liked, and ask her out in person. In today’s world, the online dating scene takes place in steps. For me, when a guy sends me that first message of interest, I go take a look at his online profile page to determine if I might be interested. If I am, I reply, and the conversation exchange begins. This usually goes on for a few days on the site, and then we exchange numbers. Then the texting begins. Then the phone calls, to hear each other’s voices. By the time my new guy and I meet in person, usually its at least a couple weeks or longer that we have been communicating. There is a lot of build-up. Will he look like his pictures? Will there be chemistry in person? How will I know if it’s going well? Will he kiss me? Will I want him to? These are all things you get nervous about, and those nerves give you adrenaline in the hours and minutes leading up to the date.

Your palms are sweating. Your heart is racing. That nervous feeling is everywhere inside you, and its a good thing. It makes you feel alive.

THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE:

First dates are an adventure. You never quite know what to expect. Now, this is not always a positive thing. Sometimes these surprises can be not what you had hoped or planned on. Such as: “Surprise! I look nothing at all like my pictures, and I’m clearly at least 20 years older than I said I was!” Or “Surprise! Hope you brought your wallet, because Im not paying for your dinner today!” Or “Surprise! Remember how I told you I was divorced? Yeah, well, not so much. More like seperated. But not officially. Yet. So basically I’m married. You cool with that?”

In the beginning, these types of surprises used to anger me and upset me greatly. Over time, however, I have learned not to take things like this personally, and I’ve also learned how to spot men like this much earlier than the first date, so as to avoid this from happening completely. Also, these types of surprises are definitely not the norm for my first dates. Sure, these things have happened, but only a small handful of times.

The element of surprise that I’m talking about on a first date, lies in the very fact that you don’t know this person, and they don’t know you. Yet. You are getting to know each other, and doing that flirty thing, and figuring them out, a little bit at a time. And that can be quite fun, especially once you let go of expectations about someone, and just stay in the moment of whats happening. One date I had surprised me by taking me to a gorgeous park with an outdoor ampi-theatre that sat on a lake. He took my hand and led me down the woods trail, and sat us in the pavilion, where we shared kisses and cuddling time. Another first date and I went for ice-cream, followed by stopping by an arcade to play video games, which was a total blast. I have been surprised also from many of my dates, by their life background, and some of their past jobs and experiences. One guy told me of his days working as a bouncer in a strip club. Another had a great story of meeting a stripper (unbeknownst to him) on a dating site. (lots of these stories involve strippers apparently.) I was surprised to find out that another one of my dates lived at home with his mother, but not for the reasons you might think. It was his home, and he took his elderly mother in, because his dad had died years ago, and she had Alzheimers. He didn’t want to see her living alone, and he didn’t want to put her in a nursing home, so he takes care of her. Another date used to be involved in the mafia/mob world, although he made it a point to tell me that “we don’t call it that.” The element of surprise is fun on a date with a new person, because you don’t really know whats going to happen. And that can be really exciting.

GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE NEW:

When I first starting dating, I was annoyed that I had to keep getting to know new people, over and over again. I was annoyed at having to explain my own story, to multiple new people. It felt repetitive and robotic. Lately though, something in me has shifted, and I have started to enjoy hearing about other people’s lives. I have started to enjoy the process of getting to know someone, little by little. How does he listen? What are his interests? His little quirks? What does he like to eat? What are his views on politics and religion? How does he treat people? I like to sort of sit back and watch it all unfold. It used to irritate me that I had already done that with my late husband – I already told him all my stuff, and I didn’t feel like doing that all over again with someone new. But now I focus more on their stuff, and getting to know them, and their world. And its fascinating (not always – theres lots of boring people out there) finding out things about someone. When you open your mind to someone’s world, they will open their world to you. And getting lost in that, can be loads of fun.

CHIVALRY IS NOT DEAD (REALLY!):

My late husband was a gentleman. He always opened the car door for me, paid for everything when we would go out, and generally always made me feel like I was 100% safe while in his presence. He was always protecting me from any harm, while still being fully aware and proud that I am a modern, smart, independent woman. So, when I entered the dating world, this was something that I very much wanted in a new relationship. A man who knows how to treat a lady like a lady, but who also recognizes her independence and doesn’t see himself as superior to her in any way. Now, one of the great things about modern dating is that, on the dating sites, you can lay out everything you want and desire in a person, right there on your profile page. It doesn’t mean you are going to GET all of those things, but it does up the chances that a man who reads your profile and then contacts you with interest, will most likely BE some of the things you are seeking after. So, in my case, I have met quite a few men that have proven themselves to be true gentlemen, some being more “old school” than others. One man I met and knew for awhile, not only held the car door open for me, but also came around from the drivers side to walk over, and help me out of the car by offering his hand. And not only would he NEVER allow a lady to pay the bill, I couldn’t even SEE the bill. He wouldn’t let me look at it, because that is how he was raised by his dad. Another first date showed up with one single red rose, and led me around the neighborhood for the afternoon, putting his hand out anytime there was a curb or pothole in the street for me to watch out for. Two first dates came to my house to pick me up, came inside, and met my parents. One man took me for dinner at a really nice restaurant, and expressed his annoyance at a younger man sitting at a nearby table, wearing his baseball hat while inside the restaurant. “That’s so disrespectful”, he said, and it really bothered him. When I used the restroom, I found him standing just outside of it, holding my jacket out, to help me into it before we left. Another first date showed up at my home with a potted plant of Easter lilies, and addressed my parents as Ma’am and Sir. On my most recent first date, we met at a local bakery, and when I arrived, he was already at the table. When I entered the restaurant, he stood for me, pulled out my chair, and got me seated. On the table, he had pre-set a potted plant/flowers, and a cupcake box with my favorite vanilla cupcake, written in icing “Hello. Now, that is classy. Now, I have met MANY guys in my time of dating, that were not gentleman, and did not act this way. But, I will say, I have been surprised, in the best of ways, at how many men out there ARE chivalrous and gentlemanly. I think its a really wonderful thing that there are parents out there, that have raised their boys to respect and honor women, and to treat them both like ladies, and like equals.

THAT FIRST KISS:

For me, the best part of a first date, is that first kiss. I used to say that I can’t wait to have my last, first kiss – because that will mean I have found love again. And while that is still true, over time, I have come to appreciate and even look forward to, experiencing first kisses with a whole LOT of first dates. Now, everyone is different, but I am not the kind of girl that will go very far physically on a first date. However, I AM the kind of girl who, if the chemistry is there and it feels right, will do a good amount of kissing on a first date. I love kissing, and over this past year and a half or so, I have kissed quite a few guys. There are a lot of great kissers out there. Some are good, some are great, and others are off-the-charts, weak in the knees amazing. One first date I had recently, I found him arrogant and cocky and a bit self-absorbed, but he was probably one of the best kissers I’ve ever experienced, ever. We must have sat in his car for an hour, just kissing each other. Sometimes they get that first kiss out of the way upfront. Other times, its more unexpected, while standing outside of his truck, and he tells you straight up: “I really want to kiss you. Close your eyes.” Other times, you find yourself asking bravely out of nowhere: “So, are you gonna kiss me or what?” That first kiss is filled with so much intensity, passion, and anxiousness. It just feels so wonderful and perfect, feeling someone else’s lips touching yours, and lingering there. And people have such different kissing techniques. I think I might keep going on first dates, just so I can keep kissing different guys. There is so much possibility in that first kiss.

So while I’m waiting on love to come my way, I have come to really appreciate the truly special gifts, that come from a first date. Love is a beautiful thing, and I want that more than ever. But, I’m not sure if I’m ready to give up on all of the unique things that can only happen, on a first date. There is only one first date with the same person, but there are MANY first dates, on the road to finding that person. Right now, I’m enjoying that ride.

10 Reasons Why Dating Is So Complicated Now

June 20, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

When we were younger, romantic relationships seemed so much simpler. If we liked someone, we told them — and if they felt the same, we got together. These days, things are endlessly more complicated and frustrating, and dating as a millennial is seriously f*cked up.

1. We ghost as a way to end things.

If we’re no longer interested in someone, we don’t need to tell them — we simply stop responding. If someone did this to us in real life, it would be completely psychotic, but because it’s over text or an instant message, we’ve somehow resigned ourselves to thinking it’s OK. Newsflash: it’s totally not. Even in the golden ages, the “Dear John” letter was left on the table in the foyer, but now, we’re lucky if you even get a typed string of characters saying “I’m sorry, it’s not working.”

2. We’re hyper-focused on sex.

Sex is scarily available — we can have it simply with the swipe of a finger. There’s zero effort made into getting to know someone for who they truly are unless we’re willing to undress and show the most sacred parts of ourselves first. And most of the time, sex doesn’t lead to a relationship — it leads to heartache, confusion and another one-night stand with the next person.

3. We’re in a competition of who can care the least.

Showing actual emotions is heavily frowned upon. If we show our cards and act like we’re interested, it leaves the person we’re affectionate about turned off and running in the opposite direction instead of being flattered that we actually give a sh*t about them. There’s little gratitude for honest and happy emotions.

4. We’re too strategic about our responses.

Responding right away comes across as desperate and too available. It’s amazing how millennials view the luxury of having instant access to communication as something we need to treat as if we’re still using carrier pigeons. Instant messaging is just that — it’s f*cking instant — but we still withhold our response times to try and show just how busy, important, and unattached we are. What backward and bullsh*t logic.

5. We expect a perfection that doesn’t exist.

Social media and thousands of dating profiles shoved in our faces lead us to believe we’re entitled a fairy tale life that doesn’t truly exist. We write people off for a minor detail and quickly look for the next best thing that we’ll somehow also find flaws in. Nothing is ever good enough for millennials. We fail to realize that relationships are a balanced bond and that with the amazing things come imperfections as well.

6. We’re overloaded with options.

We don’t believe we need to settle on anything because there’s always someone better looking with a better family life, better hobbies or someone with a better bank account. We move from person to person and even if we land on someone that makes us feel great and we could totally devote ourselves to in a relationship, we’re never quite willing to give up the search. The never-ending journey becomes more exhilarating than the actual prize itself.

7. We’ve become content with being alone.

While we’ve been navigating the journey to find love, we’ve consequently committed our lives to ourselves and made them into something that’s happy and rewarding without someone to love, which means it’s that much harder to invite a relationship into our lives. We’re fine on our own, so we won’t leave our comfort zones for anyone. Sometimes we even find minor and trivial reasons not to because we’re secretly happy with things just the way they are.

8. We’re always stuck in a grey area.

Almost relationships and no strings attached sex are the millennial versions of commitment. We’re left constantly wondering where relationships are headed, if anywhere, and plague ourselves with wondering if we’re wasting our time. No one is clear about their intentions, some lie about their intentions entirely just to have their ego’s stroked for a while, and basically no one has any clue what the f*ck is going on.

9. We don’t feel accountable for the pain we inflict on to others.

When we’ve hurt someone’s feelings, we don’t feel even the slightest bit inclined to apologize or to make good on our wrongs. It’s not our problem — it’s theirs. A person’s emotions, even if caused by something we did or said, is up to them to resolve. We feel entitled to walk around acting like complete d*cks with the expectation that the way it’s received is a reflection of the person we dump our sh*t on and nothing to do with the fact that we were the cruel ones.

**10. We’re all jaded as f*ck.**

Trust is severely lacking in our dating culture. We’re in the thick of a hookup culture that values sex more than love, temporary fulfillment instead of life-long commitment and lazy ass communication that often gets lost in translation. We’re all so confused by our own pasts, and with heaps of more sh*t constantly being added to the pile, we’re all becoming more and more jaded than ever before. We don’t even trust that love exists anymore because all we’re constantly met with disappointment. Dating as a millennial is like being in an apocalypse of love — and it’s pretty f*cked up.

Curated by Peggy
Original Article

Can Cat People and Dog People Live Happily Ever After? An Investigation.

June 23, 2017January 22, 2024 by Kelley Lynnin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Interviews with dozens of animal lovers reveal three things you should know.

You’ve heard it before. People saying things like: “I’m not a dog person”, or “I’m really more of a cat person,” or even: “I’m allergic to both, and I don’t like pets. They are too much work.”

You’ve also heard things like: “My dog is my baby. I bring her everywhere!”, or “if he doesn’t like my kitty Muffles, there’s no way we will get along!”

While the complications of having a partner who has an opposing political or religious view is often talked about at length, the subject of “pet opposites” rarely gets discussed. So I set out to dig deeper into the feelings of “I hate cats” people and the “I’m terrified of dogs” people, and even the “I like turtles and bugs” people, to see if cats and dogs, and the people who love them, truly can live in peace together.

In short, what my investigation revealed was this: there are a few key elements and themes to keep in mind when trying to cohabitate with a partner who is your pet-opposite.

Know Your Limits

While in an ideal world, compromise is bliss, sometimes there are situations that just aren’t going to work.

Sarah found this out when she dated a man who seemed to put his beloved pet German Shepherd, ahead of her needs, time and time again.

“I understand that having a dog is time-consuming, and I even get it that for most dog people, their dog is a part of the family. That’s fine. But when my boyfriend kept cancelling dates on me because his dog Betsy needed another walk, or one time because ‘she looks so comfortable in my lap and I cant move her’, I had to draw the line. But the last straw was when I was in the hospital after a car accident, and he didn’t come visit me, because the dog just threw up. I was in the hospital! So, at that point, I realized where I fit on his list of priorities.

“It had nothing to do with the dog. The dog wasn’t the issue for me. The issue was my boyfriend’s lack of caring skills for his very human girlfriend.”

While this may seem extreme to some, it’s not. Lots of pet lovers will do almost anything for their pets, even if it means sacrificing a relationship.

Its up to each individual to decide what they can and cannot handle, and to make sure that you and your partner share the same priorities.

Oftentimes, it’s the pet that makes the decisions on who should be in the pet owner’s life. Bobette said plainly: “I had a cat several years ago. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache if I had simply ditched any man that my cat hissed at.”

Conversion Can Happen

It’s funny what true love will do. There are many couples who start out as total pet-opposites, but over time, the non-pet-lover turns into the biggest pet lover of all, and nobody saw it coming.

Jenny dated a man who said he hated cats with a passion. While they were together, he had no choice but to spend lots of time with her three cats. The couple broke up and remained friends, and now, the cat-hater has had nine cats of his own over the years.

Paula tells the lovely story of being in a current relationship with a cat lover, while she herself is allergic to cats. Being a dog person herself, her dog Pepsi was a huge part of her life. Pepsi was often jealous and possessive when the couple would kiss each other. But over time, Pepsi won Paula’s non-dog-loving partner over. When Paula was away, her man would take care of the dog, and would also sneak him treats when he was feeling playful. Paula says her man went with her when she had to put her sweet Pepsi down.

And according to her, he cried just as much as she did.

Jill shares that her man’s total conversion happened over time. “When we first started dating, he hated cats and I had an orange tabby. A lot later on, I brought a kitten home, and my man didn’t want me to. Fast-forward six months later, both my cats regularly climb off my lap, just to go over and snuggle with him. And he seems to like it.”

Lisa says that her husband was a dog person. One day, while at work, someone brought in some kittens “and he refused to hold the one I was petting, until I shoved it into his arms. The cat snuggled against him and he fell in love, and agreed with me that we had to take it home. I still think he did it because he was in love with me.”

It’s About Compromise

In the end, just like with anything, it’s not really about the cat or dog or turtle or parrot. It’s about compromise, and sacrifice, and communication.

If you are with the right person, and you are willing to put effort into those things, then a pet-opposite relationship can definitely work and be very successful.

Linda and Kevin are the perfect example. When they got engaged, Linda moved into Kevin’s home, along with her three parrots. Kevin was not used to having loud birds, never mind three of them, but he loves Linda more than he hates her birds, and so he compromised.

The couple uses their home office as their bird room. The door stays shut and the room is adjacent to their patio, so the birds also get a sense of being outdoors. The noise level is controlled by a noise machine kept in the room, to minimize all the yapping parrot chatter.

Although Kevin has not developed a love for the birds, he has come to understand his now-wife a lot more, and loves her empathy and big heart for animals. In return, she appreciates the space he created for her pets, and the fact that she was never asked to give them up.

Jason and his partner Eric have two dogs, and though they both love them dearly, they have different opinions about whether or not the large dogs should be allowed in the bed. While Jason loves snuggling with the dogs and letting them sleep there with them, Eric finds it distracting.

“It’s one thing when your partner is stealing all the blankets, or taking up more than half the bed — but I draw the line when my dog is kicking me out of my own bed because he won’t move!”

Since Jason gets up three hours later than Eric for work on a typical day, their solution is as follows: They keep their bedroom door closed to the dogs through the night. At 5 a.m., Eric gets up for work, takes the dogs for an early short walk, and then leaves the bedroom door open for them to have the option of snuggling up with Jason for that three hour period. Since he is up and getting ready for work and then leaving, he doesn’t have to put up with the dogs in his bed, and Jason gets to have a few hours of cuddly time with his beloved pets.

My favorite compromise story comes from Michael and Susan, who met at the office they both work at, and it was love at first sight… Until Susan went over to Michael’s place for the first time so he could make her dinner. She had to leave after 20 minutes, because she couldn’t breathe.

Michael had a cat, and Susan’s allergies were beyond extreme, even with inhalers and meds. Susan could not be in the same home where cat dander had been. Her eyes were puffy and she could barely see, and her throat began to close up.

After a few months of dating Susan, Michael decided he wanted to marry her. He told Susan that he loved her so much, he figured out a way to keep his kitty in his life, but out of his home. He made plans with his twin brother to have the cat live with him, about six miles down the road. Michael’s brother would act as main caretaker of the cat, but Michael would keep a key and stop by daily on his way home from the office, to bond with his cat for a half hour and give her dinner. After a top to bottom cleaning of Michael’s home, Susan was able to move in after they got married, and they lived happily ever after.

In the end, love wins.

Want more ways to find compromise in your relationship? LoveTV have a lot more to offer to its members. Click HERE!

True Love Lessons from Sierra: Be Yourself

July 3, 2017January 22, 2024 by Sierra Mercierin LOVE

Do you believe true love exist? I do.

I’m Sierra. My Husband Andre and I were the first couple to win Knot Dream Wedding.

Follow me as I share how I attracted true love into my life. I’ll share tips and stories that help open your heart to all love’s possibilities.

We’re going to share lots of love stories.

Episode 5. Be Yourself.

Hola from Costa Rica!

The right person for you is going to fall in love with you for who you are just as you are. We know that when we first start seeing someone, we all put on our best face and for good reason.

You want to show that person your best self. That’s all good. But if you continue to be anyone than yourself, you may end up attracting the wrong person. Me personally, I’m kind of a goofball. In past failed relationships, I often tried to be what I thought that person wanted me to be. Which wasn’t myself.

Or, I’d try to be myself, and it’d turned that person off. With Andre however, we were living as roommates so I had no choice but just be myself right from the beginning. I really think that’s what allowed him to fall in love with me just as I am. Not me pretending to be who I thought he wanted me to be. But just silly me!

Tune in next time for more True Love Lessons with Sierra.

From around the world!

5 Love Lessons I Learned While Driving for Lyft

July 13, 2017January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Buckle in for some magical ride oversharing.

Like a lot of LA denizens, I write and act and also drive passengers for Lyft rideshare. I meet all kinds of people with all kinds of love lives, which many times they tell me about. Here’s a selection of lessons I have learned from my passengers.

The Ride With The Puppy

Dude gets in the car holding a pink box and a puppy, but looking sad.

Me: Oh wow! A box of donuts and a puppy! Are you gonna make someone’s morning or what?
Sad dude: well, I wanted to, but she threw the donuts back in my face.
Me: oh.
Sad dude: and the puppy. She also threw the puppy in my face.
Me: I’m sorry, man.
Puppy whines slightly.

Lesson: Sometimes even donuts and a puppy won’t save you. If that’s the case, either it’s too far gone or you’re just not a good match. You’ve tried the nuclear option and it’s time to move on, but do raise that puppy.

The Ride With Nicole

Picked up a drunk couple from a bar, they were on a Lyft Line so I headed to pick up the next person.

Girl: You’re going the wrong way.
Me: Oh, we’re gonna go pick up Nicole real quick!
Girl: Who is Nicole?
Guy: Oh, honey, I did Lyft Line.
Girl: What’s Lyft Line?
Guy: It’s like Uber Pool.
Me: Save a couple bucks, reduce traffic!
Girl: You cheap F**K.
Guy: Hon, are you really mad? We’re not in a hurry…

A few moments pass, she seems to forget about it, we talk about other stuff.
Girl: Why are you going east?
Me: We’re…gonna pick up Nicole real quick?
Girl: Who the f**k is Nicole?
Me: She’s… The next rider on the Lyft line?
Girl: What’s Lyft Line? She sounds, sorry to say this, like a c*nt.
Guy: Um… don’t say c*nt?
Girl: And you can ignore him. He’s never even been in a three-way. I’ve been in like 30.
Me: That sounds like a real calling!
Girl: Plus, he’s the only dude I’ve dated who hasn’t wanted to move in after six months! What the f**k is that?
Guy: Uh.
Me: (Trying to lighten the mood) Well, I’ve dated guys for six months before I put their names in my phone!
Girl: WHAT are you SAYING I want to GET OUT.
Me: Oh, here’s Nicole!
Girl: Hi Nicole, where are you going?
Nicole: To No Vacancy!
Girl: Oh cool that’s a cool place to go to get f**ked by a 27-year-old white guy with no job
Nicole: OK?
Me: Ok, you guys are almost to your destination!
Girl: I don’t wanna go to his house. Can you drop me at my house (gives address)
Me: Well… I can’t actually change destination on Lyft line, because, you know, we have to head near where Nicole is going.
Girl: You cheap f**k!
Me: (Last attempt at humor)No fighting in the cab!
Girl: I don’t want to go to his house EVER AGAIN!
Guy: (whispering) are you serious right now?
Girl: AND NICOLE THERE’S BAR LUBITSCH IT’S A GREAT PLACE TO GET F**KED BY A RUSSIAN DUDE.
Nicole: I don’t think I’m looking for that.
Me: (silence)
Me: (screeching brakes) OK here you are! Thanks so much!
(They get out, fighting because she wants to break up with him)
Nicole: What was that
Me: Sorry, I know!

Lesson: If you’re a nice guy and she walks all over you, she’s not worth being with. If she loves you, she’s gotta love your spend thrift ways!

The Ride With The Lyft Valentine

My first ride of the day was a lady who grumbled a little when I told her happy Valentine’s day.

Lady: Sheesh. Not for me. I just broke up with my dude of three years.
Me: That sucks, man. I’m sorry.
Lady: Yeah, my girlfriend banged him, so they both suck.
Me: They do, they suck. That sucks.
Lady: And the incredible thing is, this is her second time pulling this shit! Like, there are so many dudes, why can’t she stop screwing my dudes?
Me: You still kept being her friend after the first time?
Lady: Yeah, well, she said she was sorry and that she wouldn’t do it again.

Lesson: If your girlfriend bangs your boyfriend once, it could be an accident. Twice, it’s a hobby.

The Ride With The Late Night Romancers

I picked up a cute, fairly drunk guy at 2 a.m. in downtown Pasadena, and he gave me an address. We picked up a cute, fairly drunk girl and the magic began.

Guy: Let’s go to [name of bar].
Me: Uh, I think they’re closed, it’s 2 a.m.
Guy: I think it’s open?
Girl: I just think I’m a… real easy going person.
Guy: I know, I know. I try to live in the moment.
Girl: You just… have to.
Me: Guys, this bar is closed.
Guy: (to me) Oh! Let’s go to [restaurant]. Have you ever had a conversation this amazing happen in your cab before?
Me: (dryly) Sure.
Girl: You just came up to me and asked me to dance, and I couldn’t turn you down!
Me: OK, I’m sorry to say this restaurant is also closed.
Girl: I don’t even need to eat. I’m good.
Guy: OK, we’ll just go to In-N-Out and get a shake.
Girl: It’s like, you just… you took down all my roadblocks.
Guy: I know, I know. You told me.
Girl: All my defenses, just gone.

We get to In-N-Out. It is also closed.
Girl: OK, I guess… Take me back to my place?
Me: OK.
Guy: Naw, we can get out here.
Girl: Oh… OK?
Guy: My house is right over there. We can hang for a little while and get another car later.
Me: OK, here we are then.
Guy: Isn’t she just so cute?
Me: Yup. Here we are!
Girl: I just can’t believe how strong we vibe on each other.

(Moments pass. They’re just sitting in my car talking)
Me: You guys… Can you go fall in love in someone else’s Lyft?
(I find this hilarious. Nobody thinks it’s as funny as I do.)

Lesson: If dude was in love with you, why is he hitting you up after the bars close? You’re a late night hook up, girl.

The Ride With The Family Man

I pick up a dude who is holding a Starbucks coffee and a phone and looks shell-shocked. He gets into my car and says, “man, you’re gonna hear a conversation that’s kind of intense but I have to have it right now.”

Me: No problem!

Dude: (on phone) Hey, baby, it’s me! You’re pregnant?! I’m so stoked! I mean it, I want to have a baby with you! You didn’t want to tell me? Come on, I’m your man! I’m your DUDE, I’m WITH you! Do you wanna get married, I mean, what’s your mama gonna say? Are you excited? Are you scared? Baby, I love you. I want to get married. I want to have a baby with you. I mean, I’m 40, what the fuck else am I gonna do? I mean it. I love you. I’m coming over. Yeah, I’m in a Lyft. Yeah, my driver is getting an earful. Yeah, it’s magic and it’s real and I can’t wait! I’ll see you soon!

Me: Wow, congratulations man!

Dude: God, I can’t believe it, but man, we were just at my friend’s house and he has this two year old girl and she’s so perfect and we were saying, man, he’s doing it, we can do this, and then she finds out she’s pregnant a week later, I mean, it’s magic time, man!

Me: How long have you guys been dating?

Dude: Six months, but I know, I KNOW this is my lady. But she’s a passionate lady, and we were together this afternoon but she flipped out on me and left, and now I know it’s because she was scared to have this talk. She just found out this morning.

Me: And when did you find out?

Dude: (Crying) She texted me that she was pregnant, and then I called you. I found out literally a minute before you got there.

Me: You can do this, man. This is sometimes how babies come. You can do it. (Also crying)

Dude: Yeah, I mean, I always wanted to be a dad and now we’re gonna do it! I’m scared shitless but I know we’re gonna be great!

Me: Good luck. Be good. Here’s some tissues.

Dude: Five starrrrrs!

Lesson: Sometimes amazing things happen by accident. If you’re with the right person, look in your heart and see if you’re ready to roll with it.

Ready for a real path to dating success? Explore our expert-driven Love Essentials classes.

I Met My Boyfriend First But All My Friends Got Married Before Us

August 4, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE

What I learned while waiting to get married until it felt right.

A woman at work just got engaged, and so did I. We were chatting about wedding plans, comparing rings, and eventually started talking about how we met our fiancés. She said she met hers this past November, and it was love at first sight. They were in a relationship by December and talking about marriage by February. I told her I started dating my fiancée nine years ago.

“Nine years?” She said, shocked. “That’s a really long time.”

And it is. It’s definitely not the norm to be together that long and still not be married. We were always happy, we were always in love, we just weren’t married.

And it drove me nuts.

It’s easy to give yourself a complex

Over the years I’ve seen so many friends tie the knot, and boy, was I jealous. I’d suffered through a million Facebook engagement announcements and had to drag myself to countless bridal showers.

At weddings I’d count on my fingers how many more years my boyfriend and I had been together than the bride and groom. And judge them accordingly.

At every wedding my boyfriend and I attended together (and there were a lot), I’d wonder why it wasn’t him and me up there in the fancy white dress and suit. Maybe, I thought, there was something wrong with us. Were we not as happy as I thought? Were we just compatible enough to want to be together, but not to make a big commitment?

It would have been different if we actively didn’t want to get married, or didn’t see ourselves together in the long-term. It would have been different if we weren’t right for each other.

But that wasn’t it.

We knew couples that got married with way more problems than we did. (One couple we knew got divorced within the year.) So then, I wondered, what was the holdup with us?

It’s hard to wait until the time is right

Sure, we were young. We met in high school, so by the time we’d been together three years (a reasonable time to get married) we were only twenty, and still busy with school. By the time we graduated from college, we were, well, just out of college. We’d both moved back in with our parents and were struggling to find jobs. Planning a wedding just wasn’t realistic.

It wasn’t like we hadn’t talked about it. We had, and usually decided we wanted to save money to have a bigger wedding (and honeymoon) later, or that we wanted to wait until I was done with grad school.

I knew it was reasonable to wait it out, let the right time come. But reason didn’t stop me from un-friending co-workers when they posted engagement pictures online. I mean, how dare they?

I’d spend my time at sorority sisters’ weddings perched by the bar, drinking too many flutes of champagne, unabashedly wrinkling my bridesmaid’s dress.

It’s easy to second guess yourself

Of course, the feminist in me struggles with this.

It’s embarrassing to look back on drunk-crying over cake, complaining that it should have been us on that cake topper, but the truth is, it was difficult for me. Even knowing my relationship was healthy and happy, I wanted what my friends had.

I felt like I was missing out on something that I deserved more than others, and it was a struggle to keep my friends.

Maybe some of the stress came from peer pressure. Everyone and their mother had been asking me when we’d be getting married since our second anniversary. And it was getting old.

Any time a good-natured friend would elbow me and say “you’re next” I’d force a smile and hope they couldn’t tell I was mentally punching them in the nose. But the more they pressed, the more my inner voice asked why we were waiting.

The question poked at my brain until eventually I realized: we simply weren’t ready.

The wait is hard, but worth it

Maybe that was hard to grasp when I watched my best friend try on wedding dresses, and maybe it didn’t make sense when I caught five bouquets in a row, but the truth is, it just wasn’t the right time yet.

We’re a pretty conservative couple, and it’s not our style to rush into things. We only spend the money we have, and we’re careful. We won’t even try a new restaurant before scrolling through all the reviews on Yelp. It’s not wild or whirlwind-romantic, but it’s us.

It wasn’t that we had a problem, I’d just managed to find the right guy about five years early.

And, when I think about that, it makes me feel really lucky. Now that we’re finally engaged, at 26, we’ve already spent almost a third of our lives together.

We know everything about each other, we have countless memories and thousands of pictures, which, I think, is a great start to the rest of our lives.

Loved this story? Read more about unconventional committed relationships on Love TV.

What Losing 14 Pounds In 8 Weeks Taught Me About Self-Love

August 5, 2017January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin LOVE

I didn’t have a problem with food, I had a problem with myself.

A few months ago I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw.

I tugged and pulled at my skin. I found new stretch marks emerging in new places. I cried a lot and more than anything because I started hating myself. I started hating my body, hating who I became, hating everything in my life. I became miserable and I let it completely consume and destroy me.

I had gained 14 pounds in under a year. In that year I stopped exercising and I stopped caring about what I was eating, and that lead me to stop caring about most things in general.

I became the unhappiest I’ve ever been and I knew I couldn’t keep living like this. I decided it was time to drastically change my life.

It became an obsession.

I signed up for an eight-week challenge and I started spending an hour and a half to two hours in the gym each day. I started turning down foods and going to eat with my friends.

I started getting excited every time I saw the number on the scale drop and I started standing on that scale several times each day. It became an obsession. In eight weeks I lost all the weight I gained and was back down to where I usually was.

Then I quit.

I wasn’t me.

I quit because I still wasn’t happy. I was saying no to things I wanted to say yes to. I was cranky and miserable. I didn’t go out with my friends, I’d turn down going to eat because I didn’t want to be faced with temptations.

I started weighing my chicken and drinking protein shakes religiously. I started counting calories like it was no one’s business.

I wasn’t me.

I wasn’t happy, even when those 14 pounds were gone.

I went from one extreme to the other. I went from eating everything to eating restrictively. I went from miserable to a new form of miserable.

And that’s when it hit me. I spent all that time hating myself and for what?

Losing those 14 pounds didn’t make me happier.

Sure, I felt good every time I stepped on the scale, but I felt bad every time I mentally fought with myself over what to eat for dinner because nothing sounded good.

It felt good when I saw my rolls shrink, but it didn’t feel good when all my friends went out and I stayed home because I didn’t want to risk consuming extra calories.

I can’t hate myself into someone I love.

At the end of those eight weeks plus or minus those 14 pounds the same people still loved me.

No one loved me any more or less because the weight I gained or lost. They loved me and enjoyed me no matter how much the number on the scale reads.

They love me for who I am beneath my skin, my fat and my muscle.

It was important for me to realize that the only love I could change with my habits was my love for my own body.

I couldn’t hate myself into someone I loved – it doesn’t work that way.

I am still the same person I always have been. I am still me, and weight gain and loss doesn’t change that.

But finding a happy medium changes that. I stopped counting calories and started living. I stay active but not restrictive and now I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.

Life is all about balance and that balance is key to help you live your best life, whatever that means for you.

If you liked this piece, we think you’ll also enjoy this story about loving yourself after extreme weight loss.

I Took a Relationship Hiatus for 18 Months

August 10, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jessica Gablein LOVE

What abstaining from romantic love taught me about myself.

A while ago, I ended an unhealthy relationship and decided to give dating a wide berth for the foreseeable future. That turned out to be 18 months. I made the decision not out of bitterness or because I didn’t want to love again, and not even because my heart had received a sucker punch. It definitely had (multiple times).

But I realized that after my last relationship, I didn’t recognize myself. I felt so far removed from the person I wanted to be. I knew I needed to get to know myself, not a man.

Women spend so much time learning who we’re supposed to be that we forget to pay attention to who we actually are. The fear of being alone drives us towards men with whom we are ultimately (and sometimes glaringly) incompatible.

And one day it occurred to me that I was unfit to be anyone’s partner until I could stand to be myself.

Step 1: Face down my own emotions

I took some time to feel what I hadn’t let myself feel: all of the pain, abandonment, insecurity, etc. that had accumulated throughout my adult life. It socked me in the jaw. But I faced it down and began dealing with it. At first, I was terrified. I felt the suffocating loneliness of dating withdrawals. I panicked when, with no one else around, I stood face to face with my own demons.

But here’s the incredible thing: it didn’t last forever. After a few months, I learned new, healthier ways to deal with loneliness. The negative voices gradually softened. Like exercising a new muscle, my confidence and sense of self-worth strengthened.

Step 2: Date myself

It started with simply learning to be with myself. I took long walks and I thought. I took time to do exactly what I wanted to do. I wrote a novel. I read my favorite authors and watched my favorite films. I realized that while I love company, I don’t necessarily need it to be happy. Everything I need is already contained within me. Self-soothing is a wonderful skill we somehow acquire as babies and promptly forget once we reach adulthood. I’m proud to say I rediscovered it.

Step 3: Rekindle platonic love

Then I focused on my platonic relationships. I received so much more love than I could ever have anticipated. My friend recently told me I’m much easier to be around now than I was a year and a half ago. Taking this time to clear my own head opened up myriad possibilities — I cultivated friendships and relationships with family that I had neglected, began a new career path that I had dreamed of but never had the courage to pursue, and above all, in committing my love to those dear to me, I learned how to love myself.

Step 4: Set new #relationshipgoals

Affirming my choice not to date was liberating. I know now that if and when I do enter into a new relationship, I will do so as a more capable and compassionate partner. I also learned that I’m fine being alone. I faced my demons and came out alive.

There were times when I miss being kissed. I miss holding a man’s hand or the back-and-forth repartee that accompanies a first date. But I also recognize that it’s worth waiting for. I refuse to accept anything less than exactly what I want.

If it’s not out there, so be it. I’ll be ok. I have friends and family who love and support me. I have a new career that constantly challenges and rewards me. I’m enough.

Loved this? Discover more stories about finding yourself while single on Love TV.

True Love Lessons from Sierra: Honesty Is the Best Policy

August 12, 2017January 22, 2024 by Sierra Mercierin LOVE

Secrets are like weeds. They might seem small and harmless, but over time they grow.

I’m Sierra. My husband Andre and I were the first couple to win The Knot’s Dream Wedding. Follow me as I share how I attracted true love into my life. I’ll share tips and stories that help open your heart to all love’s possibilities. Please watch or read the full transcript of my video below.

We’re going to share lots of love stories.

Ola! Mi Amigos! From Peru! “Honesty Is the Best Policy.” “The Truth Will Set You Free.” These might be oldies but they’re goodies.

This subject can be hard to accept sometimes but deep down, in my heart of hearts, I know it to be true. In order to have the fullest, most loving, successful relationship you need to be completely honest about everything.

Once you’re in a long term, committed relationship there’s no keeping secrets.

Secrets are like weeds. At first they might seem small and harmless, but over time those weeds grow and get bigger. The longer time goes by, the harder it is to yank the roots out. So it’s best just to be honest from the start.

I learned this the hard way.

Once upon a time, I kept something from Andre because I thought it would upset him. Over time it began to fester and pain me. It was difficult to come out and be truthful but once I did I felt so much better and it made me never want to keep anything from him again.

Having an honest relationship has allowed for trust to build and a relationship built on trust is powerful!

Love this video? Watch all of Sierra’s True Love Lessons on LOVE TV.

How to Take Wedding Photos That Slay

August 16, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE

5 tips for insta-worthy engagement and wedding photos.

Recently, the internet has been enthralled with a newly-married couple’s wedding photos. These pictures are intimate, full of happy-tears and close-up shots of true love. Perfection!

I’m engaged and I keep thinking about how badly I want my wedding pictures to turn out this nice.

So, I’ve compiled all my best tips from my own engagement shoot, other photo sessions, and even advice from my favorite photographers to make sure you (and I) can have viral-worthy couple photos.

Guess you could re-wear this 😍 dress as a Cinderella costume… 😘👑📷: @3photographytoronto

A post shared by A Practical Wedding (@apracticalwedding) on Oct 29, 2016 at 5:39pm PDT

Check out photos from the same venue

A great way to prepare for your session is to look up past photos from the location you’ll be taking pictures. Whether it’s your wedding or an engagement shoot, you’re probably not the first one to take pictures there.

Look up photos online, find what looks best to you, and share them with your photographer. You might get some good lighting ideas or find some great backdrops.

If you’re still picking out a venue, this is a great way to narrow down locations. Maybe a couple took “okay” pictures in the garden at one place but another couple took super cute pictures on a swing set at different locations.

It will help give you ideas and narrow your choices.

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on Nov 16, 2014 at 7:27pm PST

Come prepared with poses

An engagement shoot might be you and your beau’s first time taking professional photos together and it can be a little awkward to have someone take pics of you being cuddly.

If you have some poses in your back pocket, you might feel more comfortable.

With that being said, of course, your photographer will have pose ideas, but you still want to come to your session well-educated. You don’t want to miss out on an opportunity for a great shot.

Look on Pinterest for some good ideas for poses. While you’re there you might get ideas for themes or even props you’ll want in the picture. A sign with your wedding date? Great! A picnic basket and blanket? Perfect!

And beyond the ideas online, you’ll want to pick something all your own. If he always kisses you on the forehead, tell your photographer you really want to get some shots of that. It’ll be personal and special to you later, and it will feel natural.

During my engagement shoot on the beach, the photographer asked if there were any poses we wanted to do. We ended up leaning against a large rock— only because it felt natural to us. Those ended up being some of our cutest photos because (as silly as it sounds) it was so “us.”

We never look the way we do in most of the pictures (of course—the pics make us look better) but it was nice to have a few photos of us “in our natural state.”

Trying on wedding dresses for the first time 👰🏼 #weddingdress #weddingdressshopping #clips #bridetobe #weddinginspo

A post shared by Jo Edser (@jo_edser) on Aug 7, 2017 at 11:03am PDT

Take pictures in the outfit beforehand

You already know you shouldn’t wear large brands or bold patterns (or anything that takes away from you.) But even if you think you’ve found the perfect engagement session outfit, you’ll want to take it for a test run.

I’ve worn dresses that I thought looked great, only to find they looked horrible in pictures. A dry run is important because photos will pick out details you might not catch— you would hate it if your bra strap were showing through the back of your shirt the whole time, or if your skirt billowed out too much.

Take pictures in a few outfits before your session. And if you can, take those pics at the location you picked. Move around, take candids, try to do everything you will do on the shoot day.

This is helpful if you’re choosing between outfits, too. You can see what colors look good with the background, and narrow down your choices.

While you might not want to take your wedding dress to the location to take pictures, it’s smart to take photos from every angle in the dress you want. Even when you’re picking a dress, have someone take candids of you, so you can see how it looks on camera.

Very soon I will give away a fantastic loveshoot… Where? Wherever you want to celebrate your love ❤️!!! Stay tuned if you want to win this!! #loveshoot #engagementphotos #engaged💍 #engaged #engaged2017 #gettingmarried #giveaway

A post shared by Ralf Czogallik (@ralfczogallik) on Aug 8, 2017 at 8:44am PDT

Tell your photographer how you want to look

Your photographer isn’t a mind reader, but she does want you to be happy. Any feedback you can give will make both of your experiences better. Showing her photos of couples beforehand is great, but remember to use your words during the shoot too.

If the photographer keeps telling you to pose a way you don’t like, tell her that. Maybe you don’t like that angle, or you aren’t crazy about lifting poses. Also, if you want the shoot to be more funny than romantic, say that. If you are aiming for soft looks and poses, with a lot of close ups, let her know.

Also, if you’re comfortable with it, tell the photographer you want to do candid shots. It’s fun to take some time to walk around and talk to your significant other and let the photographer click away. Get comfortable and act the way you would normally. Those are the best shots.

Sorry in advance but y’all are going to be seeing a lot of photos of these two because 😍

A post shared by Alexandra Davie Photography (@alexandradavie.photography) on May 26, 2017 at 1:15pm PDT

Check yourself

Ask if it’s possible to see a couple of shots on the camera screen during the shoot, just to make sure you look the way you want.

I hate this one curl in my hair that always pops out, so before I take pictures, I bobby-pin that sucker down. But outside, in the middle of a shoot, my hair might move, and I would hate to have that one curl sticking out in all my pictures. Sure, things can be changed with Photoshop, but it’s important to feel confidant during the shoot too.

You should also bring a bag with a mirror, some tissues, and maybe a little bit of make up. If you’re a crier, you always want to be prepared. And if you do see a problem, you’ll want to fix it ASAP.

Planning a wedding? Love TV’s got your back in sickness and in health. Read more about planning for love that lasts a lifetime.

How to Learn to Love Yourself While Loving Someone Else

August 28, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

I made all the selfish decisions — I went to the school I wanted to go to and got jobs that took over our together time — but here’s why it made us stronger than ever.

It’s very rare for a couple to stay together through high school, college, and beyond, but my fiancé and I are doing it. After nine years we’re just as strong and happy as ever, planning our wedding in between marathons of Netflix and visits to Chipotle.

Friends will sometimes ask how we managed to stay together. I’ll wink and gesture to my “hot bod” complete with old sweatpants and cheese-stained shirt (when did I even eat cheese?) and I’ll tell them that it’s simple: my fiancé and I have a lot of chemistry, we listen to each other, and we talk often.

But if you, dear reader, really want to know the truth— my special secret, the one magical tactic that has helped me in my relationship, is this: sometimes, I act selfishly.

I know, you’re rolling your eyes and thinking: wow, what great relationship advice. I’m sure all my dates would love to hear that.

But hold on — I’ve been in a relationship for just about nine years, and did the statistically (almost) impossible thing of staying with my high school sweetheart. So I’m practically an expert. (Okay I’m not an expert, but I do have some good advice.) Here’s what I’ve learned.

Growing together while you’re still growing is tough.

Throughout your late teens and twenties, you’ll have to make a lot of big choices. And couples that would otherwise be happy together find themselves going to schools across the country and taking jobs in different states.

It’s unfortunate that the age in which people start to get it together, and start to get real opportunities, is about the same time a lot of people start getting serious with their significant other. And sometimes they have to choose between prioritizing an opportunity, or a relationship.

I’m here to tell you that during this time in your life, you should prioritize “you” over the relationship, because in the long run, it just might keep you two together.

Let me explain with our story. It may sound familiar.

My fiancé and I absolutely could have gone to the same college after high school. I applied to a bunch of schools in the area and got into all of them. (I know, I’m kind of a big deal.) Meanwhile, my future-fiancé had only applied to a couple schools and had just happened to decide to go to the one university we’d both got accepted to. I could have gone to that school to be with him, but I didn’t.

There was another school I absolutely loved. I felt at home at the other college and knew it was the place for me, even if it was an hour away from my boyfriend. It wasn’t exactly across the country, but an hour is a long way away for two eighteen-year-olds.

It was stressful at first, wondering if we could make the relationship work. I was busy with classes, the cheer team, and mock trial Monday through Friday, so we saw each other every weekend. And it made our two days a week together extra special. It was hard, but worked out great.

And then I got offered a job at Disneyland.

He knew it was my dream job and that I really wanted to do it, but I knew that working weekends would mean less time with my boyfriend. Still, I took the job. It was tough, I only saw my boyfriend after or before work on the weekends. But we made it work. I loved working at Disney, and I even continued working there after college.

Those were two of the biggest decisions I had to make that I knew would affect my relationship, not to mention other decisions like going on trips with friends and taking extra classes in the summer, sacrificing time with my boyfriend to better myself and improve my friendships.

And it all ended up great. Here’s why.

When you learn to love yourself, you prioritize your development, not just you.

First of all, by putting myself first I became a better, smarter, happier person. It’s the old “help yourself to help others” mentality that encouraged me to go to the school where I knew I’d have the most opportunities to grow. And by taking the job at Disneyland, I improved my résumé; I made new friends and learned new skills.

These choices made me a more well-rounded person and a better partner, something my fiancé deserves.

But it also helped us in another way. If I had chosen to spend more time with him, rather than pursue new jobs and schools, I think I would have eventually become resentful. Maybe not soon, but when I got older and started looking back, I might have wished I’d spent more time in my early twenties to find out what I was good at, to make friends, and try new activities.

It’s also a way to practice compromise, fairness, and encouragement — all crucial parts of a relationship.

At the time, it was really hard to make decisions that I knew would take time away from seeing my boyfriend, decisions I knew could cause the relationship to fizzle out. But I forced myself to do things, knowing that if we did stay together, I didn’t want to blame him for missing out on something. I wanted to be able to look back and be proud of my accomplishments as well as our relationship.

And finally, my commitments and busy schedule gave my fiancé an opportunity to show how supportive he could be. He moved things around and accommodated me so that I could pursue my dreams, and it showed me what a great partner he would be in the long run.

Every time he encouraged me to try out for a school play or told me to have fun going out to dinner with friends instead of staying in with him, it made me realize how lucky I was to have someone who genuinely cared about my growth and interests.

The couple that grows together, stays together.

Sure, maybe we missed out on opportunities to spend some time together during college, but we made some amazing memories in the time we did have. And maybe I could have passed on some opportunities, but I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the things I’ve done, and what I’ve learned. And the same is true for my fiancé. In the end, I’m so happy we made time for ourselves when we needed it most, and now we’ll have the rest of our lives to be with each other.

Every relationship is different, but what I learned is that if you focus on improving yourself and doing things that make you happy, you’re sure to make a better partner. And in the end, you might just get a stronger relationship out of it.

If you’re looking for other articles about creating a lasting relationship, check out this story about waiting to get married or this one about communicating about sex.

Being Alone Doesn’t Have To Be A Prison Sentence

August 29, 2017January 22, 2024 by Ola Faletiin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Love is a many-splendored (and multifaceted) thing. But unrealistic definitions of it are really to blame if you’re single and sad.

I’m a card-carrying member of the singles club. The combined time I’ve spent in a relationship is about a year. I’m only 25 so it’s not a massive deal, but it is real. In my lonelier months, it sucks to be in “Couplesville,” which can seem to be any and everywhere. Like many millennials, I am an avid googler, and occasionally “I’m single and sad” will be a frequent search result.

I’m not alone; more people are living the single life than ever. The US Census Bureau reported 107 million single adults in 2015, about 45 percent of the US adult population. That’s a sharp jump from 1950, when married adults outnumbered single folks by nearly double.

There are a number of possibilities to explain why this is. We live in a less conservative America now. Women have more economic and professional autonomy. But could it also be that our ideas on love are changing?

The kind of love we often see in media is simply not real.

However, less Americans getting married doesn’t mean that our deep-seeded, cultural ideas about love disappear overnight. Giants like Disney sell us the song-and-dance of romance, skimming around the fact that romantic love as we sell it isn’t accessible for everybody. And cultural norms often make it much tougher for anyone seen as not conventionally attractive (which includes but is not limited to people who have physical disabilities, are overweight, subvert gender binaries, aren’t light-skinned or thin) in their quest for a life partner.

But love is hardly impossible, especially if we broaden its definition.

Deep friendships can be just as rewarding.

Women like Diane Keaton, Condoleezza Rice, and Shonda Rhimes are proof of a robust life sans partner. They have their various reasons for singledom of course, but I’m positive they’ve reaped the benefits of platonic love. We all have.

The first love we ever experience is within the family. Then after the family, within friendships. Do you remember your first friend? Back when the only expectations you had were to see each other semi-regularly and share toys? As feminist scholar bell hooks says her book, in All About Love, “…friendship is the place in which a great majority of us have our first glimpse of redemptive love and caring community. Learning to love in friendships empowers us in ways that enable us to bring this love to other interactions with family or with romantic bonds.”

Friendship love is long-lasting and more flexible than typical romance. You’d be hard-pressed to love someone halfway across the world, who you only contact via email and Skype, and maybe see 2-5 times a year and make it work romantically. On the other hand, I have several friendships that ascribe to the above factors.

It doesn’t mean children are out of the equation.

Platonic love has that extra give, where jealousy, anger and expectations are tempered. No wonder “platonic parenting” is gaining popularity, where two or more people are raising a child together without a romantic relationship between the parents.

Of course, raising children outside of a two-parent, heteronormative relationship is nothing new or even particularly unique. In medieval Europe communal living was the norm; households often included widows, orphans, widows and friends in addition to parents with children. In an Israeli kibbutz, multiple families live communally, and children are raised together by a female caretaker. While not the norm among Israelis, kibbutzim has nonetheless existed for over a century.

This year, I visited a good friend of mine in New Mexico. They were part of a tight-knit and loving queer community, one where a pregnant woman could leave her partner and still know that her child would be cared for by a tribe of people. And now, that child is well-cared for by many members of that chosen family.

Love is love… even when it isn’t romantic.

Our meatiest feelings shouldn’t just be reserved for the romantic loves of our lives. It should be reserved for the people who make us feel most loved and most whole. Our friends, our blood family, our pets, and whoever else falls into that category.

For another look into an alternative view on love, check out this story about taking a “relationship hiatus.”

How to Pick and Choose the Wedding Advice That Works For You

September 1, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

5 tips on how to find good wedding advice — and when to stick your fingers in your ears.

When you get engaged, everyone wants to give you all kinds of advice. Some of them will even straight-up tell you what to do. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard “you can’t wear a tea length dress” or “you need to get married in Spring” or “I know exactly how you need to do your hair.”

It made me want to scream.

And unfortunately, the stuff you don’t want to listen to can drown out the actual, good wedding advice that you might be lucky enough to get. Here are some things I’ve learned about the dreaded “two cents” and what to do with it.

First, do not punch your friends in the face.

Lol…but really. After the 30th “great flower guy” recommended to you, you’ll never want to hear about roses again. I guarantee it. But remember that you’re going to be really stressed out about planning a wedding, and if it weren’t for this stressful time, you might not be so upset when your friend says something you’ve heard before. Remember that you actually like these people in real life. You don’t want to risk losing a friend or starting a fight over something that is probably coming from a good place.

Instead, no matter how ridiculous the suggestion, just thank them and tell them you’ll consider it. Every. Damn. Time. Most of your family and friends will feel happy with this answer. And they’ll feel satisfied in thinking you’re listening to them.

It’ll be hard, at first, to get into the habit, but you can practice in your mirror until it’s second nature. Practice it on your dog, the friend you haven’t seen since college, even the guy at the car repair shop. They say, “You should probably change your oil once in awhile.” You say, “Thank you so much for your help, we’ll take that into consideration.” Good job!

Write it down anyway.

When Cousin Suzy gives you the name of her roommate, who (apparently) is an amazing photographer, you might want to toss it. Hiring her might sound like the bad idea and, besides, you might already have your photographer set up.

But, when someone gives you a card or makes a suggestion, keep a list. You never know — a list of “back ups” might come in handy. What if the venue has a fire a month before the wedding or the perfect bakery goes under? Last minute, you could have a list of people to call, which is especially handy if it’s full of people like your cousin’s roommate, because maybe they’ll pull last minute strings for a friend of a friend.

Plus, a list of recommended vendors could be good just in case you change your mind. Maybe you were dead set against serving cupcakes until your fiancé pulls one of those last-minute, “wouldn’t it be great if we had cupcakes?” Don’t panic, because you have the number of a great cupcake bakery you got from Aunt Carol!

Don’t trust anyone with old information.

Be careful not to get too excited about a seemingly perfect recommendation. I’ve gotten heart-set-on-it, gotta-have-it, excited over venues that had been closed for ten years, and dress shops that are now banks. If the people you’re talking to have old information, you’re bound to get disappointed.

This is especially true when they start pulling out prices. You might think you found a gem when you hear about some cake shop that sells a three-layer cake for double digits, but if that bakery is still open, prepare to find that it’s been hit with inflation, just like everywhere else.

A good rule of thumb is four years: any wedding advice older than that and you’ll want to start Google-ing first.

Think about the messenger and not just the message.

If the suggestion is from your mom, and she thinks it’s really, REALLY important to have yellow flower centerpieces instead of blue, you might actually want to take it into consideration. Even if that’s not what you were thinking, throwing your parents (or whoever is important to you) one or two things will make them feel special, and it will mean a lot to them later.

On the other hand, feel free to brush off the ideas your weird cousin Alan offers. Don’t bend over backwards to please people if you don’t care what they think.

Remember, a good wedding is a wedding of your choosing.

You and your future spouse are in charge. It’s a whole day just for the two of you, and you’ll want it to come from your hearts. When you’re choosing between venues, or flower arrangements, or menus, try to think of what best represents you. If you’re a laid-back couple, don’t be afraid to serve nachos and burritos in your backyard. If you two are bold and adventurous, don’t hesitate to make it a destination wedding. Good wedding advice may just come from within yourselves.

At the end of the day, you’ll want something that you both love, and something that represents you as a couple. And following the above tips may help guide you — or someone you love — on how to handle it through the planning of your special day.

For more interesting perspectives on modern marriage, check out this comparison of the expectations vs. the reality of marriage, how to determine whether you’re in a real partnership, or this story about a couple who waited longer than their friends to get hitched.

11 Relationship Problems That Might Be Sabotaging Your Love Life

September 9, 2017January 22, 2024 by Becca Martinin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

Here are 11 common relationship problems and how you can improve them.

Relationships go through rough patches — it’s inevitable. But if you feel like your relationships almost always end in dismay or you’re constantly fighting over the same thing, one of the following issues may be the cause.

Here are some common relationship problems that might be at the root of your issues, as well as tips on how to solve them taken from my own personal experiences, friends experiences, and lots of editing I’ve done for expert relationship coaches and therapists.

1. You’re more focused on being right than being in love.

Relationships aren’t about egos, they’re the place where you can be completely yourself. I once had to listen to my friend and her boyfriend fight over a right and left turn. She was right about the turn and he was wrong, but she wouldn’t let it go causing him to get angry. This made it a miserable ride for everyone.

You shouldn’t get so caught up in being right that you won’t let things go. It’s more important to be happy than right, and it’s important to acknowledge that everyone gets things wrong from time to time.

Next time you find yourself in a situation like this take a step back and think about what’s more important. Your ego screaming “I’m right!” or just letting it slide (as long as it’s not a HUGE issue) and being happy. Remember: don’t sweat the small stuff, because it’s only small stuff.

2.You pick apart every little thing your partner does.

Everyone has pet peeves but you have to realize you can’t change someone. You fell in love with who they are, not who you want them to be. Constantly picking and nagging at everything they do will just lead them to be angry or feel worthless.

If you don’t like something they’re doing, try sitting them down and having an in-depth conversation about how you’re feeling. Approach the issue together instead of attacking.

3. You’re not prioritizing your partner’s needs.

Your needs are important but when you’re in a relationship your partner’s needs are just as important. You have to make sure you’re making them feel heard and paying attention to their needs. After all, you want them to do the same for you!

4. You’re focusing on the negatives, or what you don’t have.

No relationship is perfect – not even the #relationshipgoals couples on Instagram. Everyone struggles, fights and has their own problems to work through. It’s so important to focus on all that you do have instead of all you don’t have.

I wanted nothing more than to go on a trip with a guy I dated in the past — but I had the money and he didn’t. I couldn’t change his financial situation and I couldn’t afford to pay for us both to go. So instead, we went on a day trip together and it ended up being a lot cheaper and less stressful.

5. You’re making everything about you and taking things to heart.

We’re all human, it’s very easy to feel attacked or feel defensive. Instead of taking everything to heart, talk it out. Tell your partner what they said or did that hurt you, and how it made you feel.

One of my good friends hates that her boyfriend goes out all the time because she says when he gets drunk he gets mean. She would bottle up her emotions and pretend everything was okay, while he kept doing it over and over again. But when she finally told him that it was really upsetting her, he started changing his habit.

It’s better to have a calm conversation than to just blow up or become guarded. No one can read minds. If something is bothering you, it’s wise to just talk about it.

6. You’re not allowing each other the time to speak honestly.

Honesty is key in a relationship. You have to create a space where you can openly talk to each other about your problems, concerns, and emotions. You shouldn’t feel intimidated when confronting your partner about something that’s bothering you, and they shouldn’t feel that way either.

My guy friend had this problem with his girlfriend. He felt like she wasn’t appreciating him enough and that his attention wasn’t doing it for her. He was scared that she might leave. When he finally put his heart out there and expressed his concerns, it turned out that she didn’t even realize she was hurting him this way. They made a safe space for communication and worked through all the kinks.

7. You’re not growing together.

Things might not be working out anymore because you’ve grown separately and one may feel as if the other person is holding them back or dragging them down. Everyone grows at a different pace and in different ways. The things you were interested in a year ago might be different than what you’re interested in now.

My best friend and her ex bought a house together, but as time went on they realized they were turning into two completely different people. She wanted to go out to experience life while he was content with staying home on the computer. It ended up driving them apart. It wasn’t anything either of them did — they just started growing in their own ways.

Neither of you are at fault for the way you change, but it’s important to realize that you can outgrow people.

8. You’re constantly jealous or aggravated when your partner does something without you.

If you enjoy spending time with your partner, you’re likely in a great relationship. But if you’re feeling possessive about your partner’s time, take a pause. You have to allow each other time to spend with friends and other people you care about.

I have a lot of friends who do not trust their boyfriends to go out without them. They stay up worrying where they are and who they’re with and what they’re doing. They hate when their significant other goes out without them and that makes their entire relationship rocky.

Consider how a little bit of space keeps relationships healthy. Be careful not to begrudge your partner or yourself of that time, because it can only make you resentful.

9. You have unrealistic expectations.

Having expectations and standards are fine. In fact, they’re encouraged! But they have to be realistic. Our lives are not like the movies — things don’t always play out in a romantic, happy ending.

There probably won’t be someone throwing rocks at your window if you get in a fight. Don’t compare yourself and your relationship to everything you see on social media or in movies. Often times, people only show the good stuff; it’s rare that people show the bad.

Don’t put too much pressure and expectations on your partner, especially when you know they can’t reach those expectations. Don’t expect them to buy you an expensive bag or book a trip to Europe when you know they have a lot of other expenses to pay. Don’t get so wrapped up in material items that you overlook the little things they do for you, like open the door or tell you that you look beautiful. Sometimes the simple things are the best things.

10. You try to control every situation.

Things won’t always go as planned. Maybe you booked a trip somewhere together and the traffic sucks or you missed your flight and now have a long layover. Don’t get so worked up about missing the flight that you can’t see the next one.

One time, I was supposed to have a great dinner with a guy I was seeing, but he had a bad day at work (something out of his control). Instead of letting it go, he carried that anger with him into our date. It ended up putting me in a bad mood and made me want nothing more than to go home, alone. He took his frustration out on me and it ruined the night for both of us.

It’s good to remember that sometimes there’s nothing in your power to change bad things from happening and let it go. It’s not your partner’s fault that things didn’t go as planned, so don’t allow yourself to take your frustration out on them.

11. You let past trauma affect your current relationship.

Everyone has gone through trauma in their lives in some way. No one is exempt from struggle or pain but at some point you have to let that go.

Maybe you grew up in a broken household but your current partner is trying to show you how much they want to be there. You have to trust them and let them at some point instead of continuously trying to push them away or find something wrong with them. Believing that “everyone leaves” is almost too easy. It will make you guarded instead of opening your heart and allowing yourself to feel and be vulnerable.

Hurt people hurt people — and you don’t want to be that person. No relationship is the same and the way your last relationship hurt you isn’t a prediction for your current relationship. Don’t let your previous trauma keep hurting you because what’s in the past is in the past.

These common relationship problems are just that — common.

Love, relationships and dating can be confusing and challenging but everyone goes through them. These tips can help you put things into perspective next time you start to feel aggravated with love.

Looking for more tips? Read on to find out why dating is so particularly complicated right now, as well as how to tap into your intuition when searching for love.

Why The Video Of A Little Girl Meeting Gal Gadot Is Everything

September 13, 2017January 22, 2024 by Jillian Pretzelin LOVE, RELATIONSHIPS

When this young fan met Gal Gadot (a.k.a. Wonder Woman), she reminded all of us how we need strong feminist role models.

In case you’ve missed it — there is a video of the fabulous Gal Gadot meeting a young Wonder Woman fan, and I have only watched it 4,845 times.

Okay, okay, maybe not THAT many times, but I have hit the repeat button a lot. It’s so heartwarming that I see myself coming home from long, hard days and watching this video to make me feel better. Move over Lil Bub the cat, I’ve found my new feel-good, cure-all Youtube video.

Check it out, and then continue reading below:

I can’t help but grab at my heart when the little girl cries and the actress comforts her, saying in a strong, but gentle, tone that she doesn’t need to cry, because “here we are together.” No Youtube video featuring a kitten, baby, or sloth even competes with how I feel when I watch this one. It’s absolutely precious.

But it’s funny that I should feel so connected to this video as, truthfully, I see interactions like this all the time.

I live in Southern California, smack dab between theme parks where kids can meet their cartoon heros, and Los Angeles, where fans often catch glimpses of their favorite actors, athletes, or musicians.

I used to work at a news station where we had guest celebrities every morning. News writers and interns would stand in the hallway outside the studio, nervously waiting to get a picture with their favorite Boy Meets World or Sex and the City star, and try to act cool when they told their favorite celebrity how much they loved their last movie.

At Disneyland, I’ve also seen kids get similarly excited to see characters like Sleeping Beauty or other Disney princesses. Little girls’ faces light up so bright you’d think the fireworks were early when they get to give Cinderella a hug. It’s absolutely magical.

But somehow, it’s not the same as this little girl meeting Gal Gadot.

Maybe that little girl in the video has the same response, or same amount of joy, as some of the girls meeting Cinderella. Kids are going to get excited when they meet someone they’ve seen in a movie or on TV.

But this interaction affects me differently. It just so happens that this movie star represents so much to me.

When I was growing up, girls were often shown mostly princess movies. Sure, there are some amazing, strong, female cartoon characters. I loved Pocahontas and Anastasia — both featuring headstrong, title-character women. But a lot of the movies I saw and shows I watched after school were about girls or women dreaming of getting married or having a boyfriend, what they were going to wear or what their hair looked like.

The amount of movies we had that featured strong, independent women, or films that even passed the Bechdel test, used to be infrequent. Now, that’s changing.

I’m not sure if Wonder Woman’s massive success was exactly the turning point for everyone — the point where you realize that women can really do anything, that the world is wide open. But I do think that the success of the film acted as a validation of women’s abilities that many people were craving, and it came just when we needed it.

Sure, we’ve had a lot of great films with strong female characters recently: Ghostbusters, the new Star Wars films, Moana, and others. But with Wonder Woman, we got a woman-directed film about a powerful, kind, selfless female superhero with a gross profit that was not only on par with, but often beating, the male-equivalent big-budget superhero films. This was huge.

But it’s so much more than profits and comparisons.

Wonder Woman gave us a female hero that we could associate with strength, kindness, and power.

And if that wasn’t enough, it provided a role model for our kids that they can watch on DVD every day if they want to. I love the idea that kids these days can grow up seeing more movies with women fighting for justice than fighting over a boyfriend.

I’ve seen the eyes of little girls light up when they met their favorite princess. I’ve seen teen girls beg for autographs from their favorite models or glamorous movie stars. But I hardly ever get to see little girls get excited to meet a hero who’s also my idol. A hero that we, as women, and as people, can all look up to.

For more reading on independent women, check out this interesting article that explores what independent women are saying “no” to, or this article about how to be autonomous while in love.