Single Women Are the World’s True Romantics

Are single women the World’s true romantics?

Beautiful woman in a summer garden blossoming roses.

I am sitting with my sister-in-law, a contented wife and mother of four, in the garden of her summer house on a balmy afternoon. We are discussing the recent remarriage of a friend of hers, an older man who might have been expected to marry a different sort of woman—less arm-candyish and more compelling—than the shiny young blond he ended up choosing. My sister-in-law goes on to observe how none of her single older female friends, whether divorced or widowed, are dating. She says it matter-of-factly, but the obvious implication is that this is an unfortunate situation, something to be clucked over. Looking across her dock at the seagulls companionably weaving in and out of the water, I find myself thinking that I am just like these women, uncoupled and dating no one. The truth of the matter, however, is that far from seeing this as something to be pitied, a large part of me sees it as a condition of inadvertent freedom to be devoutly held on to.

Lest you think this claim is no more than some form of adroitly rationalized sour grapes, let me hasten to add that I have arrived at this point of view only lately. Like most other heterosexual women, I have spent much of my adult life in relationships with men, as either a girlfriend or once, briefly, as a bona fide wife. After I got divorced in my late thirties, I pretty much expected to marry again and, within the next decade, came close to doing so twice. On both occasions—one contender was an immigration lawyer with an acute case of separation anxiety, the other a compulsively womanizing psychiatrist—I pulled back, unwilling to take the next step. I was afraid of the claustrophobic feeling I associated with being a couple—the way it closes off other romantic options, for one thing (certainly if you’re monogamously inclined, as I am), and, for another, dictates that you go through life two by two, like the animals entering Noah’s ark.

Sometimes it seems to me that the prospect of waking up every morning to the same face seems like too much of a muchness, a condition primed to induce restlessness in all but the most emotionally sedentary of us. Getting tired of one’s partner isn’t all that different, when you think about it, from wearying of one’s own too-familiar self. To be quite candid about it, being identifed as a couple has always made me feel a bit entrapped, like finding yourself inside a room with the door locked from the outside. I understood implicitly what Michael D., one of the patients in Stephen Grosz’s book,The Examined Life, was getting at when he explained that “when I’m in a couple, I feel I’m disappearing, dying—losing my mind.” It may be an exaggeration of my own sentiments, but not by much.

And, indeed, who among us hasn’t experienced on occasion the smug, airless “we”-ness of couples, the enforced common ground of their thinking: “We love Verdi,” or “We’ve never gone for Indian food”? Of course, you could argue that this commitment to an unchanging dual identity is a small price to pay for feeling less alone in the world. No matter that it takes a certain degree of clear- eyed, bottom-line calculating to become a couple in the frst place, a cumulative (albeit largely unconscious) assessment that there is no one better for you out there. Or that if there is, the chances are small that you will discover each other— and now is an improvement over never.

7 Ways to Empower Your Incredible Single Friends During the Holidays

The holidays can be challenging for single friends or friends who just moved to a new city. Here’s how you can help.

For those worried about single friends over the holidays, now is the time to step in and show them they’re not alone and they’re loved.

Think about what works best with your friend; whether you should be funny, light-hearted or affectionate. Everyone is different and has their own unique needs.

There are several benefits to being single, however. Suddenly, you’re not being pulled in a million directions for where to spend the holidays. Presents certainly can fill credit cards up quickly. There’s the freedom of not needing to impress your significant other’s family or stress about what to get their mother.

While finding the right thing to say might vary, here are seven things you can do with your friends that show them the holidays are about your friend-family too.

1.Take your single friend to a fun holiday party.

single friends party

Whether through work, charities or friend parties, there are always gatherings around the holidays to share in food and fun. Find one that gets your single pal out for a night to enjoy the season and your friendship.

2. Ask your friend to donate their old flame’s belongings to your favorite charity.

single friends donation

While there is nothing more cathartic than seeing your ex’s stuff go up in the smoke from a bonfire, there are so many families that are in need. For parents who struggle every day to make ends meet, gently used clothes, games, action figures, books and more can be the perfect donation to a local charity. Your friend can burn the toothbrush, though.

3.  Sit down in front of a fire and help your friend write a Santa Wish List for love.

single friends sit down in front of fire

December is a great time to think about what the next year will bring. While we always set goals and New Year’s resolutions, this can be a perfect opportunity for your friend to make a new relationship plan.

Take stock in that last relationship and talk about what worked and what didn’t work. What did your friend learn about themselves? How did the ex make your friend a better or wiser person?

Then make a Santa list for what’s next. What are the things your friend now realizes they need in a relationship? What kind of lover or lovers are they seeking to bring into their love life? Let your friend dream about their next amazing lover! What qualities does that person have? The possibilities are endless and it helps your friend look love forward and not dwell in the love past.

4. Give your friend a “sexy stocking” to get them in the mood again.

single friends sexy stockings

Breakups can be a hit to the heart and libido, especially if you’re not over someone and having a hard time getting back out there and meeting people. Don’t let your friend go without. Spice up their stocking with some secret treats to encourage your friend to move forward. What a perfect way to bring sexy back into your friends life this season.

5.  Surprise your friend with a LoveTV membership to speed up their success for love in 2018.

single friends LOVE TV membership

If your friend is ready for a new love story better than they have had historically, but tired of wasting time and feeling drained by facing the same dating challenges over and over, LOVE TV can help. LOVE TV’s membership puts the ease and fun back into their dating and relationship building experience. Your friend deserves to create a positive love life future. At LOVE TV, we can jump start that process.

6. Introduce your friend to someone in your social network whose status is “single.”

single friends social network

Who do you know on Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram or other social media sites that might also be single right now? Take a look through your contacts and think about who could be a good person for your friend.

7.  Let your friend know just how loveable they are.

loveable single friends

When you are single during the holidays you need your friends more than ever. Once can default into self-doubt, anxiety, and sadness over their relationship life. Do your part in helping your friend go down the love and life affirming road this holiday season.

Find ways to let your friend know why they’re a special person in your life. Express how grateful you are for what they have brought to your friendship.  Help remind them what a catch they are for that special person. Most importantly, help them remember that loving themselves and especially during the holidays is an amazing opportunity to attract lots of love into their life.

Remember that we’re always here at LOVE TV to help you and your friend begin their next adventure in love. We are an empowering resource and guide for moving forward and finding new ways to love again.

karinna karsten