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Tag: Intimacy

Sexual Fantasies You’ll Both Love

by zfortadminin Sex
Because a sex life filled with imagination is a better one.

Whether you’ve been together for two years or sixteen, you know how important passion is in your relationship. But did you know how key fantasies are in having a happy relationship? Being able to communicate your desires to your partner, keep things new and add imagination to sex will do wonders for you—both in the bedroom and outside.

And you’re not alone: About 95 percent of people report that they have sexual fantasies. According to a study conducted at the University of Granada, “women have pleasant romantic fantasies more frequently than men—a few times a month. Men, however, fantasize more frequently about sexcapades involving “being promiscuous”, “being a swinger”,”participating in an orgy.”

But don’t let these preferences hold you back, there are tons of fantasies to try with your significant other. Shares your desires, experiment and discover out what works best for you both as a couple.

You may surprise yourself—and get closer to your partner in the process.

1. Boss & Employee Fantasy
Just a few months ago, we told you that 56 percent of women and 61 percent of men have sexual fantasies about getting it on with coworkers in their office. So why not dress up in your work attire, get behind the desk and re-create the hot new hookup scenario that’s been on your mind? The allure of having sex with a coworker, especially your boss has to do with power—gaining it.

2. Ravishment Fantasy
According to a study from UCLA, 64 percent of women fantasize about this passionate and forceful kind of love. Why? Researchers felt that by imagining the man telling her what to do, the woman is able to give herself “permission to do the raunchy, hot sex stuff she feels a little embarrassed about, but deep down really does want to try.”

Now does the Fifty Shades Of Grey frenzy make more sense to you? YourTango expert Tammy Nelson explains that being ravished makes sense on an anatomical level for women, too. “A woman has to physically let go in order to orgasm.”

3. Storybook Lover Fantasy
This fantasy is more based on love that can be found in romance novels than the kind that takes place in the Victorian era. See how one woman’s sex dream came true when she told her boyfriend about her Clark Kent fantasy.

4. Be An Exhibitionist 
In his study of sexual fantasy, Who’s Been Sleeping in Your Head?, Brett Kahr found 19 percent of people fantasize about being watched during sex — and another 5 percent fantasize about taking it off in public. In for the risk? Put on a show. Get it on near the windows in your home or hotel room.

5. Be Voyeuristic
Does watching the show from the sidelines turn you on? Whether you’re spying on the neighbors or the couple getting it on at the beach, this fantasy is a common one. One easy way to make it happen? Go to nude beach or a sex show with your partner.

6. Watch Each Other Masturbate
Put a twist on your voyeuristic fantasy by watching your partner masturbate — or let them watch you. It will help them understand more of what you desire, and of course, it’s an instant turn on.

7. The Stranger Fantasy
Sharing a fantasy for the very first time? Here’s an easy one both men and women enjoy. There’s something sexy and mysterious about anonymity. In fact, the LELO Global Sex Survey discovered that having sex with a stranger is on the rise this year. Easy way to get in on the trend? Turn yourselves into strangers. For as long as you’ve known your partner, pretend you don’t. Different clothes, new hairstyles, different personalities, different names. Start by meeting at the bar and then take your new friend home — keep in character the entire time.

8. Make A Sex Video
Listen up, fellas, while you may be the more visual sex, women are interested in porn, too. A Stanford University study found that women reach peak arousal after just two minutes into an erotic flick. According to Men’s Health, it’s not just celebrities who want to make sex tapes — 40 percent of women want to made a homemade flick with their partners. In 2012, 28 percent of women made a sex video with their guy and in 2014, that number is expected to climb to 52 percent. So get on it while it’s hot. After you watch it make sure to hide it safely or quickly delete it.

9. Threesome Fantasy
Want to get it on with your partner and a another man or woman? Threesomes are a popular one — and they’re even more trendy this year. The LELO study revealed that this year, 20 percent of women will have had a threesome. Some say they love the rush and added stimuli, where as others worry about jealousy and feeling overwhelmed. See what women had to say about their experiences and talk it over with your partner to see if it’s right for you.

10. Have Sex In Public
According to Men’s Health, 64 percent of women want to step outside the bedroom and get frisky in public. It makes sense, the rush, risk of getting caught — it all adds to your experience. Talk about where you both feel comfortable doing the deed, whether it’s an elevator or bathroom.

11. Have Sex Outside 
Want the thrill of getting it on outside the bedroom but want to decrease your chances of actually getting caught? Embrace the elements and try doing it in a secluded area outside at night. The grass, the sand, the pool, the great outdoors is your sex playground. 

12. Have Sex On An Airplane
Been there, done that with the whole public sex thing? Take it to the next level by joining the mile-high club. According to Men’s Health, 51 percent of women want to get it on up in the air. Take off!

13. Use Sex Toys
What do women really want? Well, studies are leading us to believe it has something to do with blindfolds, handcuffs, vibrators and enhanced orgasms. According to the LELO survey, 76 percent of women want to use their toys with their partner. And ladies, don’t be embarrassed to ask about unleashing the toys. The survey found that 89 percent of men would be happy to use them. And it’s not just for your benefit? Sixty-eight percent of couples both climax during intercourse with sex toys.

14. Visit The Strip Club
Thought the nudie bar was dudes-only? Think again. According to Men’s Health, 47 percent of women want to visit a strip club with their guy. It’s exciting, sexy and you’ll be there together. Not sure if it’s your thing? Find one with a twist, like this Vegan strip club in Portland. Lap dance for two, please.

15. Dominate
Power is a rush, there’s no doubt about it. Many women dream about having a man obey their every wish, so why not unleash your inner dominatrix and try it out in the bedroom? You can do this by simply calling all the shots or make commands with whips, handcuffs, etc. Either way, you’ll be in total control and he’ll be completely devoted. Win, win.

16. Be Dominated
On the reverse, many women fantasize about being submissive and losing control to their partner. Again, think Fifty Shades Of Grey. Why is it so popular aside from Christian Grey’s charming ways? Well, actually it has to do will feeling desired. In 2009 University of Kansas study, it was discovered that “forceful submission fantasies” aren’t about humiliation but are instead “a passionate exchange with a powerful, resource-holding and attentive suitor.”

17. Teacher/Student Fantasy
There’s a reason “Hit Me Baby One More Time” was such a popular music video —and we’re going to guess it wasn’t because of Britney Spears’ vocal chords. The schoolgirl fantasy can involve dominance and spanking, but it doesn’t have to. For some, it’s sexy outfit to rip off.

18. Knight In Shining Armor Fantasy
Romantic? This is the fantasy for you. Whether he’s a fireman saving you from a smoky room, or a life guard carrying you out from the ocean — in this fantasy your guy comes to your rescue and then seduces you.

19. Put On A Strip Show
Guys will surely love this one. But for the ladies, it’s just as enjoyable. You get to put on your sexiest lingerie, take it off and tease him in the process, private lap dance included. The woman will have control and the man will be turned on and begging for more.

20. Bring Food Into The Bedroom
Ice, fruit, whipped cream, you name it, it can all enhance your sexual experience. Seduce your partner with foodplay and hit their erogenous zones in the process.

21. A Man In Uniform Fantasy
Love a man in uniform? For some, it’s the clothes and for others it’s their courage. According to Psychologist and Relationship Expert, Dr. Jeanette Raymond, Ph.D., “The ‘uniform’ may signify that the man is able to manage life’s troubles.” Have your partner dress the part and play the role.

22. Play Doctor
Sick and the only way to fully recover is with an orgasm? Doctor to the rescue.

23. Act Out Your Favorite Sex Scene From A Movie
Get into character and re-create your favorite cinematic sex scene. Whether it’s Basic Instinct or a celebrity sex tape, discuss the scene with your partner and get ready for an Academy Award-winning performance.

24. Give Each Other Sensual Massages
Remember when one woman got a happy ending massage? This year, sales of couples’ massagers increased by 82 percent. Get with it and make your partner melt with an arousing rub down. Need some pointers?

24. Try Erotic Spanking
Why do people love kinky butt-smacking? Aside from the physical pleasure, Pleasure Mechanics explains some “love erotic spanking for the taboo thrill of it.” Here’s how to talk to your partner about whipping you into shape.

25. Personal Trainer Fantasy
Hate working out? Here’s a way to enjoy it. One of you is the personal trainer and the other is the obedient trainee. For Alison Z, it’s her go-to bedroom persona, “When he asks me to get on the ground and give him 20, I’d drop to my knees and give him something else … ”

26. Hot Mechanic Fantasy
For Brianna S, hooking up with the shirtless hottie covered in grease is her bedroom fantasy. “He would take me to the back seat and get to work under the hood of something else. Let’s just say by the time we’re done … the car repairs are on him.”

27. Sex On A Boat
Want to get it on out in the middle of the ocean? Well, I’m guessing you’re a Leonardo DiCaprio fan. But even if you’re not on Titanic-like ship or a Wolf Of Wall Street yacht, there’s still an opportunity to get down and dirty when you set sail. And you’re not the only one with the nautical fantasy. Match.com’s Singles In America survey revealed that 50 percent of singles hope to have sex on boats.

28. Use Feathers
Whether you choose to be tied up or not, have your partner tease you with the light touch of a feather.

29. Try Group Sex
Certainly not everyone’s fantasy but if you enjoy threesomes and are curious about bringing more partners into the bedroom, this might be one a thrilling and liberating ones to explore.

30. Hotel Maid Fantasy
Maybe it’s the allure of being on vacation but hotel sex is exciting and liberating, which may be why the maid fantasy is a hot one. Can’t make it to the hotel? With a sexy maid costume and knock from “housekeeping”, you can re-ignite the spark in no time.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Become a Tantrika

by zfortadminin Mind, Sex, Watch

By extending and expanding the body’s capacity for pleasure, we celebrate the sacred in others and ourselves. Erotic feeling is a vehicle for exploring ecstatic states and deepening intimacy. Tantra invites us to transform sexual experience by seeing ourselves and our partners differently – releasing cynicism and judgment, and honouring the spirit within.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Source

8 Simple, Powerful Ways To Create New, Better Intimacy In A Long-Term Relationship

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

These simple ways can change your relationship!

Being in a committed, long-term relationship is awesome for many reasons: You love someone who loves you back, you have absolute trust in that person, you don’t have to deal with the craziness and anxiety of dating, you have someone great to come home to everyday, you feel completely comfortable with that person—the list goes on and on. But being in an long-term relationship can also be really, really hard. When you’re with someone for the long-haul, it can be all too easy to take that person for granted, to assume that you both know everything about each other, that you both know how the other person is feeling, that your relationship will continue to work as long as it stays the same. People who have been with the same partner for a long time know that this kind of thinking can be a recipe for disaster: When we stop taking the time to nurture our relationships, regardless of how stable they might seem, distance can grow, small resentments can fester, and before we know it, all that intimacy that we used to have has evaporated.

I know from experience that maintaining an LTR is never easy. But I firmly believe that keeping, and increasing, your sense of intimacy with your long-term partner doesn’t have to be complicated. What it really takes is a commitment on both partners’ parts to spend time and effort nurturing the relationship. Read on for eight simple ways to deepen your connection.

1. Go on real dates

When you’re in a long-term relationship or married, it’s important to set aside time to spend together as a couple. The dates you set up with your S.O. or spouse can take whatever form you like—a fancy dinner out, a yummy meal cooked at home, a long walk around the park—but the important thing is that you clearly delineate that time from the rest of your daily life. Setting up real dates, even when they’re very simple, is an important act in itself because it implicitly states that you and your S.O. feel like nurturing your relationship is a priority.

2. Do this 36 Question thing

Back in January, the ­New York Times “Modern Love” column make waves when it ran an article by Mandy Len Catron titled, “To Fall In Love Do This.” The article explores the work of a study by Dr. Arthur Aron, which proposes that two strangers can fall in love by asking each other 36 questions, followed by a long, silent stare into each other’s eyes.

I tried this out with my husband, and it ended up being surprisingly cool. It didn’t necessarily make us fall in love all over again, but it did get us to have a real conversation about our hopes and fears, all while making dinner on a random Tuesday night! The end, when we had to look into each other’s eyes for four minutes, was also unexpectedly powerful. Staring that directly at someone can feel strange and exposing, even with a person with whom you’re very close.

If you’re not down with the 36 Questions (or you’ve already done them) challenge each other to come up with your own questions. Mix them up in a hat, pull them out at random, and talk. Look into each other’s eyes without speaking for four minutes at the end. (Then make out because it’s inevitable.)

3. Make something together

Set aside some time for you and your S.O. to make something together. It doesn’t really matter what: You could set aside a Saturday night to cook something labor intensive together. You could paint together, or do origami together. Seriously, it can be anything: Once my husband and I spent an evening putting together a LEGO set that someone gave us for Christmas, and it was super fun. As you both work on whatever your project is, you’ll find yourself bonding over the shared effort and talking about all sorts of things you might not have expected.

4. Have sex

Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are, of course, not the same. But sex can play an important role in maintaining a long-term couple’s emotional bond, making them feel more connected, more attracted to each other, and generally happier. If you need any more motivation to hit the sheets (but why would you?), sex has also been shown to have all sorts of mental and physical health benefits.

5. Laugh together

Psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein writes in Psychology Today that “Laughter is a potent love medicine. It is an intimacy builder for couples.” Laughter can help to relieve the tension in difficult situations, and it can impart a sense of fun to relationships that are feeling staid. Make an effort to bring more laughter in your relationship: watch comedies together, tell each other jokes, and let yourselves be really, really silly.

6. Discuss the State of the Union

Discussing the state of your relationship might not be the most fun thing to do, but it is necessary. Take time here and there to talk seriously with your S.O. about how you’re both feeling and what you want. These discussions are important even if you feel like your relationship is in good shape; you might discover that, when you press the issue, there are underlying tensions just below the surface. Better to deal with these things now, when they’re small irritations, than later, when they bloom into huge problems.

7. Be uncomfortable together

As a couple, make an effort to try new things together, and to allow yourself to be in uncomfortable situations. These situations could be big events like visiting a country where you don’t speak the language, or small instances, like forcing yourselves to sing a duet at a karaoke bar in front of other people. Dealing with the new and unexpected in these situations as a team will bring you closer together in the other parts of your life.

8. Be physically affectionate

Sex is important, but so is simple, non-sexual touching. Studies have shown that physical affection decreases stress, and it’s been associated with lower blood pressure and increased satisfaction in relationships. Like sex, physical affection causes the body to release Oxytocin, often called the “love hormone.” Oxytocin has a variety of effects; studies have shown that the hormone can make us more likely to be monogamous, more extroverted, and more generous and trustworthy. A study recently published in Natureeven suggests that Oxytocin might be useful in treating mental disorders.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

7 Ways to Make Sure Your Partner Never Loses Interest in You

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE

Do you want to ignite that passionate spark back in your relationship?

Often times you hear of married couple slowly drifting apart , then the senseless arguments arise  and they stop sleeping sleeping together, next on the list will be divorce.

You wonder what happened to these couples who were once so happy together, the good news is that it never has to be this way in your own case.

Holly Riordan of All Women Stalk lists these 7 ways to make sure couples never lose interest in each other:

1. Be Spontaneous: After you’ve been together for a while, you’ll fall into a certain routine. You’ll see each other on certain days, go to certain restaurants, and hang out with certain #people. While there’s nothing wrong with developing a routine, you have to break it every once in a while. Surprise him with reservations for a restaurant in a different town or buy him tickets for a show in the city. Do whatever you can to keep him on his toes.

2. Keep up appearances: You don’t have to wear #makeup every morning and toss out every pair of sweat-pants you own. However, you should occasionally dress nicely just for him. Buy some lingerie or a new dress that he won’t be able to take his #eyes off of. If you’re with the right #man, he’ll return the favor by buying something for himself to wear that you’ll adore.

3. Never stop learning: This one is essential, not only for your #relationship, but for yourself. If you’ve been with your #man for years, then he’ll eventually have nothing left to learn about you–unless you keep trying new things. Join a class or take a trip. That way, you’ll be living a life you enjoy and will constantly have new #things for him to learn about you.

4. Have your own friends: Don’t let your man become your entire life. If he sees that you have plenty of friends that love spending #time with you, he’ll realize how lucky he is to have you and won’t lose interest. That’s why it’s important to organize your time–because you want to have a social life that doesn’t involve your #man.

5. Continue dating: If you act like a boring old married couple, then you’ll start to feel that way. That’s why you need to continue to go out on dates. It’ll give you a #chance to dress up, show each other off in public, and have flirty conversations. If you want your #relationship to stay interesting, you have to act like you’re still in the honeymoon phase, even when you’ve been together for decades.
Hottest Sex Positions for Your Orgasm

6. Give him what he wants: You aren’t his slave, so you don’t have to wait on him hand and foot. However, he won’t lose interest in you if you always surprise him by doing something special. If you know he loves cheesecake, pick him up a slice on the way home from work. If you know he hates taking out the garbage, do it for him after he had a rough day.

7. Never lose interest in him: If you don’t want him to lose interest in you, then you can’t lose interest in him. If you’re both happy to be involved in each other’s lives, then you won’t have a problem. You’ll always be excited to spend #time together.

Curated by Erbe
Original Source

Move away from Friend With Benefits to Thriving Relationship

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Want something more, it might be time to change your dating approach

If you can’t handle the heat, stay out of the bedroom.

The “friends with benefits” (or FWB) relationship is a hot-button issue for many women, so understandably most women hold a preconceived notion of what it is and speak against it.

Many think FWB is just a booty call arrangement and it’s all about sex that doesn’t benefit women in the slightest. Men, on the other hand, are the ones benefit the most out of this arrangement.

Is that so? That very much depends.

Not every woman wants a relationship and not every woman wants a relationship with the guy(s) she sleeps or has slept with, just like not every guy does!

Shocking, isn’t it?

What usually follows are the arguments perpetuated by the “Oxytocin Myth” that women will willy-nilly fall in love or bond with every guy they have sex with because of Oxytocin, the “cuddle” hormone released by men and women during sex and orgasm and physical closeness such as cuddling, kissing and hugging.

Oxytocin indeed bonds women to their partners, but … here’s the catch: that doesn’t mean every woman will act like a psycho and can’t control how deep their feelings are for the guys.

We still have control upon our own emotions. We still have freedom to choose our response. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

To some, this arrangement is a perfect way to prepare themselves for a real relationship when they are ready. It is a great way to practice relationship skills and is healing to those who have just been out of a long-term relationship or marriage.

Perhaps you’re reading this because you are under such predicament… correct? You want to know if you have a chance to turn this arrangement to something more serious and permanent.

My stance is yes … yes … yes!

It’s a limiting belief to think that relationship can only happen a certain way. There is no one form of relationship that is superior to the others. It’s all about what feels right or not right at any given moment.
If you feel you are falling fast for your FWB and want more, here are a few guidelines to follow:

1. You can always change your mind, you know.

If this arrangement doesn’t serve you anymore — the costs really exceed the benefits — you know where the door is, right? Never agree to something you are not comfortable with.

2. Wean yourself off of him. 

Of course it’s not that easy to leave because you are hormonally and emotionally attached to him now, so what you need to do is to start weaning yourself off him by seeing him less and seeing others more.

I don’t recommend talking to him about wanting to be serious if he hasn’t initiated the conversation himself because the likelihood is he hasn’t changed his mind about not wanting a relationship.

A man who knows what he wants will go and get it. If he hasn’t moved the relationship forward, it’s because nothing has changed since your agreement. Getting more focused on youwill get him to notice and do something about it if he’s so inclined.

3. Don’t be more invested than he is. 

Avoid being a one-down, i.e. a party of the “coupledom” who is more invested and more into the other. The more you are ridden with one-down anxiety, the more you feel vulnerable, helpless, hopeless and desperate. That will translate into you vibe and behaviors and it’s a repellent to most guys.

The secret of stability and longevity of every relationship is when no one is ahead of the other. When you “let yourself go” and start pining, you lose your power and simultaneously his attraction for you.

4. Induce some anxiety into him. 

Based on point 3 above, if you can induce some anxiety into him and make him to want to put more efforts into wooing you, the more he will see you as a high-value woman. And since anxiety and uncertainty is an inherent part of romance, the vulnerable feeling he might lose you might trigger him into action.

He needs to yearn for you to fall in love.

5. Work on yourself. 

Work on yourself to become a secure, self-sufficient and independent feminine woman. You are soft on the outside but steely strong in the inside. You are full within yourself and you don’t need a man to complete you. I repeat: you don’t need him.

There is a reason why a lot of women pine for guys who don’t reciprocate their love and who are not in their life: it’s because they need them.

There is a place for vulnerability in relationship, but in general you are far more desirable when you don’t need him or any man. Why? Because when you don’t need anyone to be happy, you don’t put pressure on or have high expectations of anyone to do anything for you. You become a magnet to men because they know you will be fine one way or another and they are not going to be made responsible for your happiness or lack thereof. Who wants to be blamed for anyone’s suffering?

Love yourself more than you love him, he will love you more for that! A secure woman who knows what she wants yet isn’t jaded nor desperate and is extremely attractive and desirable.

Once you become that woman, commitment is a matter of finding the right match as it will happen organically.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Was it Sexual Healing?

by Alexandra Norrisin Mind, Sex

Closing in on my first year living overseas, I had taken the opportunity to check out the countryside as part of an exchange. The program allowed young internationals looking to extend our working holiday another year in Australia by doing farm work.

As you might imagine, while scenic and beautiful, it was not a juggernaut of cool fun and excitement. The farmers treated us mostly like trained animals they didn’t like much. To pass time, I began listening to a podcast on how to understand and let go of your ego and live in the present moment. Fully aware of the irony, I would use these talks to set my mind free of the boring and painful work strewn across the breathtaking landscape. In short, I wore thai fisherman’s pants, got into the best shape of my life, stunk of minty muscle cream and each day rinsed away the sweat, mud and degradation for six minutes (due to the water restrictions imposed by a drought) of heavenly shower time.

During a slow patch of work, I found a flyer in a shop near my hostel. It was advertising a weekend retreat with a name like TOGETHERNESS that claimed to celebrate the masculine and feminine in us all. It was three days of seminars, yoga and dancing around bonfires on a lake and it was right near where I was staying. Perfect.

At 23, I was promptly crowned “the youngest woman,” and was accordingly coaxed to dance around bonfire number one during the opening ceremony along with the youngest man, a 21 year old who was the son of the retreat’s creator, and whose hubris was through the roof.

While ordinarily I would have had my red flags firing on all cylinders, indicating that this was an express train to dreadlocked armpit hair and the Law of Attraction; I felt safe enough to roll with some gentle brainwashing. Perhaps what has gotten me into the most trouble in my life so far, has been encountering an absurd situation and leaning into it out of sheer bewilderment of it’s very existence, coupled with an adolescent sort of curiosity.

The intense introspection of a few months of fieldwork combined with being in my early twenties left me feeling very open to the world. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what was going on, but I felt utterly blissful the more I surrendered to the experience.

One of the workshops the retreat had offered was something called a “Cuddle Party.” Curious and encouraged by the glowing feedback of the woman next to me examining the daily schedule, I hiked up my fisherman’s pants and shuffled off my birkenstocks into the “puddle” made of pillows.

A burly and round man in his late 30s identifying himself as a “Sexual Healer” explained the exercise where we weren’t allowed to touch one another, unless there was an explicit “Yes.” Our directive was to talk to each other and ask permission to touch each other in various areas that might lead to cuddling, but we were told could not lead to anything sexual unless we wanted to “take it elsewhere”. If we felt like responding with even so much as a “maybe,” we were instructed to default to “No.”

Later that evening, the sexual healer approached me and we started talking. It’s a bit of a blur of patchouli and moonlight, but he proceeded to charm me into his tent like a snake in a basket, and I spent the remainder of the retreat enchanted under his spell. Rather than return to harsh life of cold bunk beds and mean farmers, I enveloped myself in the afterglow of the retreat and floated into the nearest city where most of my new friends, and the Aussie Marvin Gaye incarnate lived.

The first few days were spent in a whirlwind of new thoughts and ideas. He showed me videos about his therapy and how he helped women with chronic pain in their vulvas (known as Vulvodynia, or a depressed vagina, as a friend who had struggled with the affliction would describe it), shared books on open relationships and often casually remarked on how he’d like to one day have a harem.

I absorbed as much information as I could on how his practice helped women and couples. It seemed that I was meeting a lot of young ingenues and very friendly sex workers; a phrase, I was told, which extended from writing erotica for a living to working in a brothel or, providing what I learned was called “full release” massage in your high rise condo to exclusive clientele; and everything in between.

Some of the women who floated in and out of the home were sweet and open. I remember one of my new sex working friends inviting me to her home, showing me her “massage” space, eating a lot of prunes and ordering pizza. She got very sick (probably from the prunes, she ate about 50 of them), and I somehow awoke next to her with her freaking out over seeing my eyes without glasses. She wanted to go and get colonics together. Those plans somehow never materialized.

One of the other women, a young mother of two, stared daggers at me. I later pieced together that she was sort of the Matriarch and it seemed I had unwittingly moved in on her turf. I could never figure out what I had done to upset her, but she had a way of introducing me to the concept of passive aggression in a way I had never experienced.

Marvin (as I’ll refer to him for the remainder of this story) continued my education in his work by showing me a movie about a married couple whose relationship was marred by her inability to climax after experiencing a traumatic sexual event in her past. The sexual healer in the movie “treated” the wife by having sex with her and helping her find her orgasm. The healer saved their marriage and this was the apparent impetus for Marvin’s work. Though Marvin claimed to never have sexual intercourse with his clients, he would “massage” them and provide counsel. He also introduced me to a duo who deftly circumvented anti-prostitution laws in America by dividing the labour and having one woman massage the vulva (or, yoni, as Marvin insisted on referring to it) with instruments (rather than hands or body parts), and the other knelt by her head and talked her through the experience. It was fascinating and confusing. He introduced me to his library of books on open relationships and showed me his “Treatment” room, which was essentially a living/dining room with a massage table and throw pillows. Marvin felt strongly that this area and his bedroom remain separate and expressed that he strived to keep the two sides of his life from blending. He talked to me about the importance of clear communication in all relationships, especially open ones. He created a book comparing photos of yonis next to corresponding flowers. I cautiously ate it up with a spoon and waited for more.

Early on, Marvin tied me up with some very sexy satin ropes, and skilfully continued with his seduction. I sought to understand his work while enraptured with the idea of being a muse. After the first few days, however, I noticed we were spending a lot of time cuddling and walking around naked like we were in a nature documentary; but, strangely, having sex together ground to a startling halt without any real explanation. He would insist that he just wasn’t feeling very sexual. Not one to take a hint, I stuck around.

One evening, while Marvin was conducting a women’s talking circle that I did not qualify for, I had an accident. Not one to interrupt the sanctity of the circle, the loud “BOUUFFFF” sound of an exploding natural heating pad in his kitchen went ignored, until one of the women insisted he check on me. He promptly hid me in his room with an ice pack and returned to the circle.

On the advice of a nurse’s hotline, I took myself and my 56 new blisters to the ER. I made some new friends, cracked some jokes, and relaxed until the shock wore off. Eventually, once his talking circle was finished, Marvin came to collect me. Wrapped in bandages and high on morphine, I suggested we lighten the mood and go out for ice cream. Marvin quietly escorted me to a convenience store, where he waited as I picked up my own pint. Either I wasn’t very good at setting location notes and ambiance preferences for post-traumatic cheer-me-up dates, or it was starting to appear that my position on his pedestal was now really coming apart at the screws. It was not long (but not before falling asleep waiting on his front lawn, while he presumably hooked up with the Matriarch across town) before I packed up my fisherman’s pants and headed south.

My memory paints this story as one of an older man manipulating an impressionable (and possibly clueless) young woman during a vulnerable time in her life, then casting her aside. Someone so eager to help what seemed to be every other woman and encourage open communication and free sexuality, drew me in, adored me and then, when he wasn’t proselytising, swiftly ignored me. It felt like a classic bait and switch. The ole “C’mere, Go Aways” as my best friend used to call it. The more I reached out to understand everything and figure out what I was missing, the more deeply he would withdraw, and his attention and his affection would wane. It took more time than I’m proud of to figure out I had played my part and then hung around a little too long after the curtain call.

Today, I am in a healthy and calm long term relationship. I am kinder to myself, I have learned about this weird concept called “boundaries.” I threw away my fisherman’s pants. I got a tattoo on my arm to cover the physical scars and I saw a counsellor to try and run interference on the emotional ones. It took me years to wrap my head fully around my experience, my true errors in judgement, rather than perceived flaws in my character, as well as my actual flaws in character and how to deal with them. I’m no longer bitter, confused or resentful (most of the time), but I am weary of protecting my emotional soft spots, and immediately suspicious of older men offering cuddles and lectures on female empowerment.

And I will never listen to a Marvin Gaye album with a straight face again.

The Brutally Honest Phases Of A Man Falling In Love

by zfortadminin LOVE

Looking for an inner peek in to the mind of the guy you are dating? What phase are you in with your date?

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We all, men and women alike, might feel the same emotions when it comes to love, but the journey to finding love is an experience differentiated by gender. When women fall in love, they are filled with bursts of happiness and other mixed emotions, which a man will never be able to comprehend. Men on the other hand, are a completely different ballgame.

You see, unlike women who experience intense surges of affection as soon as they meet a guy, men experience a phase of emotions when they meet a woman. This article will explain the phases and journey a man undergoes before falling in love with a woman.

Phase 1. The “I Like You” Phase

Unfortunately, men are very shallow creatures. This initial stage is all about instant physical attraction. If you ever thought a guy initially liked you as a person …oh boy, were you wrong!  Some women may fall in love during the first conversation, but sadly, in the beginning stages, men are only attracted to a woman’s physical appearance.  Don’t be fooled by the idea of a ‘physical appearance.’

It does not include the whole package. Every man is different and enjoys different things about a woman. For example, most men are attracted by breasts (may it be small or large) and also by your curvy behind (again, may it be small or large). It’s never about the whole package, but more about a man’s specific appeal in a woman. Sometimes, a guy may not even realize what attracts him most in a woman, but if he has such feelings, he will begin the “I Like You” phase.

Phase 2. The Scouting Phase

Most guys find themselves attracted to a lot of women for many reasons, and as a result, they will “scout” to see which one of them will respond to their advances. Yes, men try to bait as many women as we can, at any given time. It’s only when a girl has passed the “scouting” phase (by accepting our small advances) that a man begins to focus his attention only on her.

These advances are very discreet and are not upfront flirting. A man basically needs that little confirmation that if he does start to chase you, something will happen. Even though he likes a woman, in this stage, he doesn’t really care about the outcome, so if she rejects him or doesn’t respond to his advances, he generally doesn’t feel a thing and moves on to another woman that catches his attention. Sure, there are exceptions, but generally, this is how guys think at this point.

Phase 3. The Chase

If a woman a man likes gives even the slightest positive response to his advances, he will start the chase. Sometimes those signs aren’t even obvious; he just believes in himself that you like him back, and as a result, he starts the chase. The chase is all about winning your attention. In this stage, a man’s aim is to get you to notice him and understand that he’s into you. Once this has become clear, and you have given him a shot (by agreeing to go out with him, etc.), he moves into the next phase.

Phase 4. The “I’m Going To Impress You” Phase

By this time, some women are actually starting to fall in love, but us men are not even close to it. This whole stage is all about making an impression on you. A man will do everything in his power to show you that he is a worthy mate. He plans dates; he floods you with gifts, and generally tries to make you happy whilst hoping to really impress you. It’s in this stage that many women (that have held out, until now) give in to a guy’s advances.

Phase 5. The “I Want You To Love Me” Phase

If a guy is having success so far, he wants to know that you love him. Gaining your love and commitment is his utmost highest achievement. Instead of falling in love with you, in this stage, all he worries about is how to make you fall in love with him. He might even show his relationship skills, thus proving that he is, indeed, a good lifelong partner. You might have already fallen in love by this stage, but this is when he needs to see it.

Phase 6. The Decision Phase

If a man makes it into this stage, it means you’ve clearly expressed your feelings, and he knows that he has managed to gain your love and commitment. Now, unfortunately, for both parties involved, all he did up to this point was prove to you that he is “exactly” what you are looking for in a man.

Because of this, two core problems arise:

-He wasn’t actually being himself 100 percent, so the man you’ve fallen in love with isn’t exactly the man you think he is.

-He never wondered if you’re actually right for him, since his desire to impress you was based purely on his INITIAL physical attraction.

It’s at this phase when a man finally starts to wonder if a real relationship may blossom here. It’s at this point when he starts to actually observe you as a real person (and I know this may sound shallow) and see if he actually likes you in this department. Finally, it’s at this stage when a man decides if you are worth trying a long-term relationship with. We ask ourselves: Do I love her? Do I want to be with her? Will I be happy with her? Is she the woman I want?

It’s easy for a man, even at this stage, to dismiss a girl based on some seemingly pointless reasons, but it’s how we are as a species. We are genetically engineered to “spread thy seed,” so the girl that a man does eventually decide to love and be with has to be perfect from his perspective. It’s also the same for a woman …the only difference is that she probably makes up her mind much earlier in the relationship.

Phase 7. The “I Love You” Phase

If the decision stage was negative, it’s at this stage when the guy will either dump you if you had a short relationship, or start ignoring you if it was just a fling. On the other hand, if he decided he does want to give love a try, he is now ready for it. The next three to four months will be the best stages of any relationship. He will give into his feelings and be overwhelmed with love. You will start to see him taking care of you, acting jealous and all the other great things about love.

It may seem harsh and unrealistic that a guy has to DECIDE whether or not he wants to fall in love, but we don’t always rationalize what we are doing. These things are imbedded into us at an instinctual level, and the fact that we DENY love early in these phases is only because it’s our defense mechanism preventing us from getting hurt.

Important Note: This is how a man falls in love if the woman he is after gives into all of his advances. If you want to turn a guy on his head, don’t give in to ALL OF HIS advances. Don’t say, “I love you” when he wants you to say it. Basically, turn his world upside down, and then, you’ll see a man falling helplessly in love, not being able to control his own emotions.

 

Curated by Tatiana
Original Source

The Secret to Intimacy

by zfortadminin Watch

Love can be broken down into three categories; passion, intimacy and commitment. But what comes first and what leads to what? If you can’t choose to be intimate with someone, how can you make sure it sticks around? This week we meet real couples and investigate the secret behind intimacy.

Getting My Needs Met Under the Covers

by Jules Thompsonin Sex

I write this article knowing it is likely to be my most divisive to date. For it contains the following shocking truth: my boyfriend and I sleep with two single duvets. And we are not yet in our 70s (at which point, apparently, this kind of behavior becomes acceptable). No, we are just two 30-somethings who really like our sleep. So when we realized that we hated – truly hated – sleeping in the same bed, we put our heads together and thought our way out of the box and into our current sleeping arrangement. This process marked a transformative and empowering moment in our relationship. For it was one of the first times that we bothered to fly in the face of convention and find a solution that really worked for us.

Picture this: once upon a time, my partner and I shared a duvet. Throughout the night, we would wake up at least once an hour, sometimes too hot, often too cold. Resentment grew, minor disagreements morphed into physical spats, knees found their way into backs, humans found their way onto floors. It was an intolerable situation that could not go on. And yet, many couples continue like this their whole lives.

You might think I’m exaggerating the significance of our single duvets, but they really do seem to offend some people. A few friends have reacted to the news of them as though we have just revealed we like to take small mammals to bed with us; others see them as deeply unromantic; a sign that we are inherently divided, and probably never touch each other, let alone have sex.

In fact, this change marked an improvement in our sex life. Because, let us be clear on this, tiredness is not sexy. Sleep deprivation has been used throughout history as a method of torture; there is a reason for this.

And not all our friends disapprove of our decision to sleep with separate duvets. For those who have suffered similarly miserable nights at the hands of their loved ones, our sleep solution is akin to the secret of alchemy. When these same friends learn that the Swedes do it (and make it look really rather stylish) they are often officially sold.

These days, however, we generally sleep the whole night through completely oblivious to the other’s presence. It is marvelous. In the morning we wake up after eight hours’ uninterrupted sleep and get to discover each other all over again. One of us will usually slip under the other’s duvet for a toasty morning cuddle. If anything, we now enjoy more physically intimacy, because we like each other the whole night through.

I’m not saying single duvets are for everyone, but this issue reminds us of the importance of making choices in our relationships that are right for us. Marriage is for some people, but not for everyone; children, date nights, swinging likewise. If we want to be happy in love, we need to question our decisions, so that we can be sure they are motivated by what we truly want, and not simply by the fact that ‘everyone else is doing it’. Others will always judge our choices, but this matters not one jot if we are able to wear them with pride.

Are You Falling in Love or Lust?

by zfortadminin LOVE

Are you tripping into infatuation or allowing time for real love to develop? Infatuation involves a projection of own needs, hopes, and dreams. While real love cares about the well being of others and not just their own desires.

How To Remain ‘Sexy’ For Life

by zfortadminin Body, SEX TIPS, Wellness

These simple tips will keep you healthy and feeling flirty!

Don’t let your age keep you from experiencing the pleasures of intimacy. Although libido may lessen as you age, here’s how to feel sexy for a lifetime.

As you grow older, it’s easy to lose that spark in the bedroom. Boredom, loss of adventurousness, physical ailments, and other problems can challenge even the healthiest of relationships over time, causing a loss of libido and creating emotional distance. But keeping intimacy alive can have profound effects on your life.

Research shows that healthy people have better sex lives. Fit people enjoy sex more and have lower instances of sexual dysfunction that can impair their love life. If you’re experiencing a loss of intimacy, there are steps you can take to reclaim it. Here’s how to feel sexy again.

Intimacy Tip No. 1: Stay Healthy

To keep your libido revved for lovemaking you should: Exercise regularly. Your arousal depends in large part on how well blood flows through your body. Regular aerobic exercise helps keep the heart pumping and the blood flowing.

Eat right. Eat a diet low in fats and sugars and high in fiber and good nutrition. Eat lots of fruits and vegetables, plenty of whole grains, and a good daily amount of low-fat dairy products. Protein should come in the form of fish, poultry, and lean meats.

Sleep well. Good, healthy sleep gives your body the chance to refresh and recuperate. Stop bad habits. Alcohol and tobacco can harm sexual function and can negatively affect your overall health.

Relaxing In Luxury Bath.

Communicate

Partners with a satisfying sex life talk to one another; those with an unsatisfying one need to talk to one another.

Voice your concerns. Tell your partner about changes in your body that worry you along with any other issues that bother you about your sex life.

Describe what makes you feel good. Your partner can’t satisfy you if he doesn’t know what you desire. Don’t criticize. Focus on what he’s doing right, rather than pointing out the things he’s doing wrong. Talk at the right time. During lovemaking is the right time for discussing what you like and enjoy. Save your concerns, worries, and more negative issues for outside the bedroom.

Improve Your Own Game

Try these ways to be a better lover: Think about sex. The brain is an important — some say the most important — sexual organ. Get your head in the game by thinking about your fantasies and desires more often. Write down your sexual fantasies and share them with your partner.

Touch. Maintaining physical affection is critical to keeping a love life happy and frisky. Cuddle, hug, kiss, and hold hands often, even if you’re tired or not in the mood for sex. During lovemaking, experiment with touching your partner in ways that please and arouse him.

Educate yourself. There are plenty of self-help books available that will give you tips on improving your sexual technique.

Passion Portrait Of Couple In Love

Intimacy Tip No. 4: Have Fun

Don’t forget that sex is supposed to be an enjoyable experience. Be sure to have fun in the bedroom (and elsewhere) by: Trying out different sexual positions. The tried-and-true missionary position can become stale. Experiment with new positions.

Taking a break from intercourse. Try pleasing each other with oral sex, manual sex, massage, and caressing. Being inventive. Leave love notes. Plan an erotic getaway. Try making love at different times of the day. Read a love poem. Craft a scene that appeals to all five senses. Try having sex in different locations.

Most importantly, have sex and enjoy intimacy on a regular basis with your partner.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Calling in True Love

by zfortadminin LOVE

He will see my heart first – its strength, its resilience, its magnitude, its determination, its power.

He will see my brain, and value the way I think, the logic intertwined with compassion, the depth, the simplicity.

He will see my eyes, dark brown eyes, wide with excitement, creases in the corners from smiling, and a depth that says, “I’ve been there. I understand. I’ve come through it, I’m here for you, and we’re here together now.”

He will see my skin, smooth and tan, and the curves of my body, my legs, my chest, and he will see femininity in every inch; he’ll see a softness he desires to touch and a firmness that signifies strength and health.

He will listen for my voice, the tone, the articulation, the animation and emotion injected into it that will carry him like a wave.

He will take pleasure in causing my laughter because all he wants to do is give me joy, levity, happiness.

He will recognize the rarity of my attributes and how they fit perfectly with his, and because of this, he’ll know I am the only one for him.

He’ll know this with the force of a tidal wave. He’ll know it is God’s will [greater than us, and for great purpose], that we are One, and he’ll claim our union with relentless determination, swiftly, wholly, and completely. There will be no room for interpretation. He’ll know. I’ll know. It will simply be.

By HWK

Why is Confidence so sexy?

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE

Confidence can be the sexiest accessory!

We are naturally drawn to confidence in due to biology. In the animal kingdom, animals choose a leader largely due to confidence portrayed.

 

How can animals that act on instinct decide which one of them should be the leader?

Curated by Erbe
Original Source