Emotional Archives

20 First Kisses (You’ll Feel The Emotions)

December 16, 2014January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Mind

It’s almost magical how in this moment, we can think of nothing else—we become so intensely focused on our partner (and ourselves). Our senses are on high alert for what’s to come: how it will feel, taste, smell…

Some people worry, “How’s my hair?”, “I’ll look like a fool afterwards wearing her shade of lipstick!”, and “Do I need a mint???”.

The first kiss. Sometimes we just close our eyes, hold our breath and dive in deep. Sometimes we wonder about it’s meaning and where it will lead. Will it be good, be the last, the first step in a journey of everlasting love, a good time tonight, or nothing at all? Either way we’re committed. We’re here, and we’re going for it. And the funny thing is that no matter what comes of it, we’re likely to remember it – sometimes even every last glorious or grueling detail about it!

If you’re dating you may be experiencing a cycle of first kisses…pay attention, a first kiss can be a great litmus test for whether you have the spark together or not.

If you are in a relationship, you may be wondering how to activate the magic and excitement of the first kiss you shared with your partner. Look at each other, like the first time you wanted to kiss each other. Draw on your memory to remember how it felt. Use your imagination! Recreate the first time all over again – kiss!

XOXOXO

Why Orgasms are Good For Your Brain

March 17, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

As if orgasms couldn’t get any better, did you know they’re actually really good for your brain? When you orgasm, dopamine is released into your brain, bringing waves of happiness with it. When it’s over, your brain releases oxytocin, the cuddling and attachment hormone that draws you closer to your partner. Need more proof? Just watch the video above!

Curated by Sara

Original Article

This is What Happens to Your Body During Sex

March 18, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWWl6L1QeO8

When the urge hits you and your partner, it’s likely that nothing will stop you. You both feel a rush as you reach for one another, your minds racing and yet blank at the same time. Adrenaline flows, your hearts pound. Everything intensifies. And that’s just the first stage!

There are four stages to the sexual response cycle: Excitement, Plateau, Orgasm, and Resolution. During each one, your body goes through a number of changes, many of which may not be noticeable, especially in the heat of the moment. Watch the video above to find out what happens to you during each one!

Curated by Erbe

Original Video

Tantra is Not P*rn

March 18, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Mind, Sex

What if studying tantra could heal our addiction to Porn? What if tapping into our natural abilities to experience ecstasy changes everything?

I was really nervous when I first realized that I wanted to teach Tantra. What would people think? Would they be offended? Talking about sex is such a no-no. I live in a very small conservative community, how was this going to work?

But then a good friend said to me, “Do you realize what you’re offering people? Tantra is essentially the OPPOSITE of porn.” Once I realized this, I never looked back!

Porn is a funny thing. Despite some opinions, I believe that it isn’t inherently evil. Lots of people truly enjoy watching porn, including many couples who use it together to have a new experience. Yet it is seemingly undeniable that there are some real dark sides to porn.

Besides the obvious violence and anything involving children, there are much more insidious issues:

1) What We Look Like Is Everything

Porn focuses on being stimulated through the body. And so we are subconsciously told that sexuality depends on what your body looks like. You must be young, fit, have perky breasts and a large penis, otherwise you can’t be a good lover. And ironically this sets up a huge self-worth issue in everyone, particularly those who don’t see themselves as young, fit and perky. And for the ones that do, they still quite often don’t see themselves as perky or big enough. Ultimately, no one leaves happy with themselves.

2) It’s All About Successfully Pleasuring The Other

Porn focuses on pleasing the other. Now obviously there is some part of us deep down that knows that the desire to please our partner is actually a wonderful thing. But that isn’t usually how it comes across in porn. It comes across as the only thing that is important. That bringing the other person to orgasm is the only goal. And what’s wrong with that you ask? Well it is the message that our unconscious receives, that this is the only goal of lovemaking. That if you can’t bring your partner to orgasm, then there is no point making love. We end up with things like performance anxiety on both the giver and the receiver side.

3) Connection & Intimacy Aren’t Important

Porn has nothing to do with connection. It is simply a series of physical events that two people do together. There is no connection or intimacy. And this isn’t always bad, sometimes a round of rockin’ porn sex can be fun, but again it sends programming to our subconscious that this is what sex is about. That the connection doesn’t matter and it’s just about getting off.

4) This Is All We Are Capable Of

The worst part of it is that porn makes us believe that this is all that there is. We think that we know what sex is all about and that porn just plays the edge of it, which is what is so titillating. But it isn’t true.

THE TRUTH IS that we as humans are using maybe 5% of our sexual abilities. It’s like having a piano where we think that there are only 10 keys. So we get really good at playing chopsticks. But the truth is that there are 88 keys and we can actually play phenomenal mind-blowing music. But we just didn’t know.

Porn deepens the belief that chopsticks is all that there is. So we just play it edgier and edgier so that hearing it still interests us. But we are missing the boat.

So how does Tantra change all this?

It shows us the other 78 keys on the piano, and then teaches us how to play.

1) We Are So Much More Than Our Physical Bodies

The sexiest part of us isn’t our physicality. A truly sensual person has a presence about them that is absolutely captivating and enthralling. They can look at you and gently touch you in a way that will leave you spellbound. They will bring you into their inner quiet where you will breathe and touch each other sending chills and orgasms throughout your bodies. What their body looks like is quite irrelevant.

2) Pleasuring Is Greater When It Is Mutual

We are energetic beings as well as physical. When we are touching our partner, if we are really present and enjoying the feel of our partner’s skin, they will sense this. Your touch will be different than if you are just doing it in order to please them. When you are truly in the moment, there is an electricity that comes out your fingers (or other sexy parts) that permeates your partner’s entire body. As your partner’s body responds to this, this pleasure cycles back to you, and the giver and the receiver roles start to become blurred. There is just simply pleasure being shared regardless of who is doing what.

3) Connection Is Everything

We are DESIGNED to connect with each other on a very deep level. Human beings do not do well without feeling deep connection. We call it “neediness” and “being desperate” when someone is feeling disconnected. But it’s really just because deep down we know that we are capable of phenomenal connection. And when we feel this amazing connection, things in our lives just get better. Depression lifts. We don’t feel as anxious. We notice the joys in life. We appreciate each other. We feel a level of content and happiness that we just don’t experience when we are all alone.

In tantra, this connection comes first. This is the foundation of all the sexual play. It’s like you first have to “plug in” to each other before the energy can flow. And so there is real intention to drop our guards and allow each other inside to truly connect and experience each other.

4) Sex Is Meant To Be A Multi-Dimensional Experience

When we actually bring in everything that we truly are into our intimate experiences, we go from having simply physical sex to having an experience involving our minds, emotions, feelings, intuition, passion, presence, plus a pile of dimensions that you can’t even explain, they just happen.

And the most amazing thing is that it doesn’t take any tricks. It doesn’t take a pile of methods or fancy sexual abilities. It is actually incredibly natural and programmed into us, we just haven’t accessed it.

So Will Tantra Rid The World Of Porn?

I don’t think so. We love sex. Our sexual desire makes us feel alive. And truthfully, watching other people have sex can be very titillating.

Tantra heals our REAL relationships with REAL people. Learning how to actually be intimate with others allows us to have incredibly satisfying relationships with the people around us. We feel deeper connections and our intimate experiences actually heal us and make us feel wonderful about ourselves!

So porn won’t go away, but for many, the addiction can fade, because once you start experiencing the opposite side, your true potential, true intimacy and the sexual experiences that we are designed to have, the porn can’t own you. It just doesn’t come close to comparing to the experiences you’ve had.

I mean, once you’ve driven a Mazerati, driving a child’s push car just doesn’t compare.

Curated by Karinna

Original Article

This Kiss Proves Love Has No Boundries

March 20, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Watch

Have you ever joked that someone is acting “like a girl”? Or that they “look like a lesbian”? Or avoided making eye contact with someone you think is disabled? A new movement called “Love Has No Labels” explores the snap judgments we make in a beautiful PSA, which they launched Tuesday.

In the video, the audience sees skeletons kissing, hugging, and dancing with each other. The first couple seems totally in love; you assume one of the figures is a guy, because of his height difference, with his girlfriend. But when the couple emerges from behind the X-ray screen, they’re both women, and the crowd nervously laughs at its preconceived notions.

The “Love Has No Labels” website explains that while most Americans agree everyone should be treated in a respectful and fair manner, many of us report sometimes feeling discriminated against and accidentally discriminating ourselves. The “Love Has No Labels” project hopes to reduce unintentional discrimination, or implicit bias, by calling attention to the subconscious judgments we make every day.

“To end bias, we need to become aware of it,” the project states. “And then we need to do everything within our power to stop it. In ourselves, others, and institutions. The world will be a better place for it.”

Curated by Lesley

Original Article

12 Special Qualities A Woman Has That Mean You Should Never Let Her Go

March 23, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Every once in a while – on very rare occasions – we meet the woman of our dreams. It’s always unexpected and almost never at a convenient point in our lives, but she appears nonetheless and changes your life forever.

The dynamics between man and woman have been gradually changing for the past few decades, but the essence of the partnership basically remains the same.

We are designed by nature in a way that allows two such opposites to join and make a whole. Finding your other half is a journey of its own – usually a grueling one at that.

If you are lucky enough to find that woman, that rare sunflower growing on a barren desert, then do right by yourself and hold on to her as tightly as you can – never, ever let her go.

Not all of us were so wise when we met the loves of our lives… and believe me when I say that we’re regretting it. If she has any combination of these 12 qualities then you should never let her go:

1. She’s smarter than you.

Every man needs a smarter woman to help him get through life in one piece. They say that behind every great man is a greater woman – they aren’t lying. Without woman, man is little more than an ego-trip.

Enter a smarter woman into his life and suddenly that ego has a purpose, a direction, and the wisdom not to screw everything up.

2. She’s beautiful.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder – as long as you find her to be incredibly beautiful, according to your definition, then she is worth holding on to.

I feel that these days we have those that put too much emphasis on beauty and then those that are rebelling against the concept and giving little to no importance to beauty.

Beauty is something that has been reveled upon since humans had eyes; it’s not something that we should be ashamed of, but rather something we should learn to appreciate properly.

3. She’s kind and nurturing.

Good people are kind people. If she isn’t kind then she isn’t worthy of taking up a part of your life. Being a woman, being nurturing is very important as well. Some people may not want children.

In some relationships the man may be more nurturing than the woman. Nevertheless, women are born with/develop maternal instincts with age. If you wish to one day start a family then you want to be sure you found a woman who wants to be, and is suited to become, a mother.

4. She’s vivacious.

Life gets difficult from time to time. It can get boring and monotonous just as well.

Women weren’t created to entertain men – if anything, it’s probably the other way around – but having a woman who is lively, energetic and hungry for adventure will add a dynamic to our life that will only make you happier.

5. She loves you with all her heart.

This is, by far, the most important quality any woman can have. When a woman loves you she loves you with her entire soul. It’s not the same sort of love that men experience – men always were and always will be more egocentric than women.

Women, on the other hand, have the uncanny ability to devote themselves entirely to the person(s) they love. If you find a woman that truly loves you then you found the greatest gift in the universe.

6. She’s willing to make compromises.

People are stubborn – both male and female alike. We like things the way that we like them and aren’t especially open to making changes we don’t deem necessary to make. However, relationships require making compromises.

It’s just the way things have to work if you want them to work. Finding a woman who will make compromises is only half the battle, however. You’re going to have to make them just as well.

7. She feels like home.

Being in love, deeply in love, is like finding your place in the world, your home, for the first time in your life. It’s knowing that you are exactly where you ought to be and that there is nowhere in the world you’d rather be.

If you look into her eyes and see your soul reflected in them, then you’re home. Don’t ever leave.

8. She is more than happy to tell you when you’re wrong.

Every man – and I mean every man – needs a woman who will call him out on his sh*t. Guys have an uncanny ability to make poor decisions and do stupid things.

Finding a woman who will keep you on track and tell you when you’re wrong can very well make or break your life.

9. She is strong, but feminine.

All people have a slightly different taste for the women they are attracted to – but they are all a combination of strength and femininity. A strong woman is a partner every man needs.

A feminine woman is… well, a woman. The two aren’t opposites. In fact, they are often one and the same – when found in a woman that knows how to hold her ground and be proud of who she is.

10. She’s passionate.

A life filled with passion is a life worth living. But living a life of passion alone is basically impossible. Passion exists between two living things – usually, in some way or another, between two individuals.

The beauty of passion is that it’s rather contagious. It’s the world’s most revered pathogen.

11. She’s driven.

I understand that some men want women to be stay-at-home wives. I also understand that there are plenty of women who want the very same. This sort of woman isn’t for me, but clearly some people are looking for just this.

Nevertheless, you still want a woman that is driven. If she wants to stay at home, cook, clean, and take care of the children, then make sure she’s the kind of woman that wants to be the best stay-at-home mom she could possibly be. Without drive, there is no purpose.

12. She means the world to you.

Sometimes we love a person beyond imagination and we aren’t sure why. To be truthful, you don’t really need a reason. If you love her and can’t imagine your life without her, then don’t allow yourself to lose her.

If she means that much to you, then understand that she means that much to you. Too often people don’t realize what the other person means to them until they lose them. We always think that there will be another chance, that it’s possible that the two of you will one day reconnect.

Maybe. But the opposite is also true. You may have lost her forever. You may suffer for years and years because you let go of the most important thing in your life. Don’t take the risk.

Curated by Karinna

Original Article

Domestic Relief

April 2, 2015January 22, 2024 by Jules Thompsonin RELATIONSHIPS

On the eve of Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend sent me a message containing those magical words that every woman longs to hear: ‘don’t worry love, I’ve already got the milk.’

Simple words. Romantic words. Words akin to: ‘you just stay in bed’ and ‘but I love putting the seat down’ and ‘here’s an idea, why don’t I do both our tax returns’. (I’ve never had to do a tax return, but can imagine that someone offering to do it for me would feel like the most solicitous of marriage proposals.)

When I got this text I was driving home through London traffic having just completed a gruelling 12-hour shift. The thought of stopping to buy milk had been tormenting me ever since I noticed we were out first thing this morning. In the intervening hours I had decided that my boyfriend never bought milk, or bread, or did anything around the house for that matter, and that I might as well just end it (and him) (and me while I was at it) right now, because what future could we possibly have together? In fact, he’d already got the milk. And so our relationship was saved.

We didn’t have any plans for Valentine’s Day, but as good fortune would have it, the boy chose this of all days to clean the bathroom (N.B. it was definitely his turn). I found him kneeling over the bathtub wearing nothing but marigolds and a pair of long johns, and was overcome with desire. Refreshed after a solid night’s sleep, I interrupted him mid-scrub and lured him back to bed, where we spent a lazy morning making each other feel 100% loved. Happy February 14!

Combined, these experiences made me feel as though I’d had the most romantic Valentine’s Day of my life. From this, you might infer that I have unusually low standards. Not so. In the past, I’ve been whisked off to Barcelona, punted down the River Cam (not a euphemism), and given the entire Sex and the City Box Set, a romantic gift if only for the personal sacrifice it represented. But to this tired midwife, my boyfriend’s lightening of the domestic load constituted the greatest gift of all.

I discussed this with my big sister who knows everything and is always right. She agreed it’s good to have a partner who is handy around the house. ‘But,’ she added, ‘if there are things they can’t do, you can always remove the issue altogether’. Here, she was talking about washing up; specifically, her husband’s inability to do it. Throughout the early, impoverished years of their relationship, his bad washing up was an endless sticking point. Then, they hit the big time (i.e. qualified as teachers) and could afford a dishwasher. Today, thanks to this common household appliance, happiness reigns: while terrible at washing up, the husband is a mean stacker. Vive la domestic revolution!

For the busy grown up, it is undoubtedly a treat to have one less thing to do. But, as far as those squishy love feelings go, it’s about so much more than that. In my experience, the nurturing love that – if we’re lucky – we receive from our parents comes along rarely in a romantic form. It is a great thing to be with someone who can put your needs before their own; it is joyous thing to be with someone who actually seems to enjoy doing it.

My boyfriend is far from perfect (he has an uncanny knack of getting rubber gloves wet on the inside), and he is more than capable of looking out for himself. But on a good day, through a multitude of gestures, he makes me feel infinitely cared for. This makes me want to care for him in return. In this way, we waste little energy on resentment.

In my 20s, love was an ego-fuelled rollercoaster ride of fulfilled then thwarted wants. In my 30s, it is a coffee pressed into my hand made with milk that I didn’t have to buy. And I’m fine with that.

Written by Midwife X

10 Lessons About Marriage You Can Learn From Divorce

April 2, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin RELATIONSHIPS

Unfortunately, I know a thing or two about divorce. My parents divorced when I was in my twenties, and my first marriage ended in divorce after 13 years. Even my closest friends all have parents who are divorced.

So when my marriage ended, I thought that having a successful marriage wasn’t in the cards for me. But as luck would have it, I ended up meeting and marrying a man who is not just an amazing person, but a top-notch husband. My second marriage has been my version of Happily Ever After.

What I’ve learned from my experiences of divorce and remarriage, and from observing other couples, is that every couple has the ability to have a successful marriage. Marital success has nothing to do with education, economics or social status. In fact, if ever there was an even playing field, it is in this area.

Having a successful marriage is all about the choices we make every minute of every day. Marriages fail when spouses make poor choices as to how they are going to treat each other. It isn’t more complicated than that. So here are some of my insights about marriage (some learned the hard way) and how you can make good choices and have your own happily ever after…

Lesson #1: Remember that it isn’t your job to make your spouse happy. Your job is to help create an environment in which your spouse can be happy. That means get your act together and be a dependable partner. That means don’t create unnecessary stress or conflict in your marriage. That means genuinely love and encourage your spouse. After that, whether or not they are happy is up to them.

Lesson #2: It helps immensely if you and your spouse have a spiritual practice. Your choice of religion doesn’t really matter. Simply following any spiritual teaching that reinforces the importance of love, compassion and forgiveness, will inspire both of you to treat each other far better than you would otherwise.

Lesson #3: If you are married, that fact should be part of your public persona. Wear your wedding ring. Talk about your spouse in glowing terms to your colleagues and friends. Being married should be part of who you are.

Lesson #4: You can always find someone smarter, more attractive or more successful than your spouse. Remember: your spouse can do the same. “Affair proof” your marriage by telling your spouse regularly how highly you think of them. A daily dose of positive reinforcement goes a long way.

Lesson #5: Frequent physical intimacy is necessary for a happy marriage. Don’t make it complicated. You don’t need outfits, pornography, role playing, threesomes, spouse swapping, BDSM or anything else. You only need to give your spouse your undivided attention, caring and acceptance. It requires nothing more and nothing less.

Lesson #6: If your daily communications with your spouse are limited to the Costco list and your children’s soccer practice schedules, then you both are going to be looking elsewhere for a romantic charge. Flirt with your spouse, not your co-workers or the Starbucks barista.

Lesson #7: Dating does not end on your wedding day. When you go out with your spouse, act like it is your first date. Put on a great outfit, hold hands and make interesting conversation. Don’t save your best self for others. Give your best self to your spouse.

Lesson #8: If you are married, you have an obligation to take care of your appearance. You are the person who is most closely associated with your spouse, and you shouldn’t be an embarrassment to them. You don’t have to look like Kate Upton or Will Smith. You just have to look your best.

Lesson #9: There is no glory in remaining in a bad marriage. No one is going to give you a gold sticker or saint you. Worse yet, your kids ultimately may not thank you for it. So choose how and with whom you spend your time on this earth wisely.

Lesson #10: People stay in marriages for many reasons. For their children. For money. For convenience. For ambition, political or otherwise. But you will find no greater joy than being married solely for love.

Over the years, I’ve learned that marriage is not for the faint of heart. It requires a level of maturity and selflessness that most people don’t possess when they first say, “I do.” However, if you are patient and work hard at it, the rewards of a happy marriage are immeasurable.

Curated By Timothy

Original Article

8 Ways Hugging is Great For You

April 6, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin Sex

Hugs make you feel good for a reason and it’s not just the loving embrace that gives us that warm feeling in our hearts. It’s much more. It affects the entire body to such an extent that many scientists claim it is equivalent to the effect of many different drugs operating on the body simultaneously. Even seemingly trivial instances of interpersonal touch can help people deal with their emotions with clarity and more effectively.

1. REDUCE WORRY OF MORTALITY
In a study on fears and self-esteem, research published in the journal Psychological Science revealed that hugs and touch significantly reduce worry of mortality. The studies found that hugging — even if it was just an inanimate object like a teddy bear — helps soothe individuals’ existential fears. “Interpersonal touch is such a powerful mechanism that even objects that simulate touch by another person may help to instill in people a sense of existential significance,” lead researcher Sander Koole wrote in the study.

2. STIMULATES OXYTOCIN
Oxytocin is a neurotransmitter that acts on the limbic system, the brain’s emotional centre, promoting feelings of contentment, reducing anxiety and stress, and even making mammals monogamous. It is the hormone responsible for us all being here today. You see this little gem is released during childbirth, making our mothers forget about all of the excruciating pain they endured expelling us from their bodies and making them want to still love and spend time with us. New research from the University of California suggests that it has a similarly civilizing effect on human males, making them more affectionate and better at forming relationships and social bonding. And it dramatically increased the libido and sexual performance of test subjects. More frequent partner hugs and higher oxytocin levels are linked to lower blood pressure and heart rate. The chemical has also been linked tosocial bonding. “Oxytocin is a neuropeptide, which basically promotes feelings of devotion, trust and bonding,” DePauw University psychologist Matt Hertenstein told NPR. “It really lays the biological foundation and structure for connecting to other people.” When we hug someone, oxytocin is released into our bodies by our pituitary gland, lowering both our heart rates and our cortisol levels. Cortisol is the hormone responsible for stress, high blood pressure, and heart disease.

3. LOWERS HEART RATE
Embracing someone may warm your heart, but according to one study a hug can be good medicine for it too: In an experiment at the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill , participants who didn’t have any contact with their partners developed a quickened heart rate of 10 beats per minute compared to the five beats per minute among those who got to hug their partners during the experiment.
4. STIMULATES DOPAMINE
Everything everyone does involves protecting and triggering dopamine flow. Many drugs of abuse act through this system. Problems with the system can lead to serious depression and other mental illness. Low dopamine levels also play a role in the neurodegenerative disease Parkinson’s as well as mood disorders such as depression. Procrastination, self-doubt, and lack of enthusiasm are linked with low levels of dopamine and hugs are said to adjust those levels. Dopamine is responsible for giving us that feel-good feeling, and it’s also responsible for motivation! Hugs stimulate brains to release dopamine, the pleasure hormone. MRI and PET scans reveal that when you hugs people or listen to music that excites you, your brain releases dopamine and even in anticipation of those moments. Dopamine sensors are the areas that many stimulating drugs such as cocaine and methamphetamine target. The presence of a certain kinds of dopamine receptors are also associated with sensation-seeking.

5. STIMULATES SEROTONIN
Serotonin flows when you feel significant or important. Loneliness and depression appears when serotonin is absent. It’s perhaps one reason why people fall into gang and criminal activity — the culture brings experiences that facilitate serotonin release. Reaching out and hugging releases endorphins and serotonin into the blood vessels and the released endorphins and serotonin cause pleasure and negate pain and sadness and decrease the chances of getting heart problems, helps fight excess weight and prolongs life. Even the cuddling of pets has a soothing effect that reduces the stress levels. Hugging for an extended time lifts one’s serotonin levels, elevating mood and creating happiness.

6. WELL-HUGGED BABIES ARE LESS STRESSED AS ADULTS
Want to do something for future generations? Hug them when they’re still little. An Emory University study in rats found a link between touch and relieving stress, particularly in the early stages of life. The research concluded that the same can be said of humans, citing that babies’ development — including how they cope with stress as adults — depends on a combination of nature andnurture.

7. PARASYMPATHETIC BALANCE
Hugs balance out the nervous system. The skin contains a network of tiny, egg-shaped pressure centres called Pacinian corpuscles that can sense touch and which are in contact with the brain through the vagus nerve. The galvanic skin response of someone receiving and giving a hug shows a change in skin conductance. The effect in moisture and electricity in the skin suggests a more balanced state in the nervous system – parasympathetic.

8. ENHANCE IMMUNE SYSTEM
Research shows that the hug hormones above are immuno-regulatory. All of this has an even deeper meaning on the way our systems work with each other, including our immune system. his also parallels with the way that hugs promote the relaxation response — they help to change the way your body handles both physical and social stresses, thus boosting your immune system naturally, to do the job it was designed to do!

Curated by Erbe

Original Article

10 Ways to Get More Intimate With Your Partner

April 7, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin SEX TIPS

Honesty and communication make up the foundation for a healthy relationship. But, what exactly does it take to achieve these things? According to certified Sexologist Jaiya Hanauer, there are 10 important ways to build intimacy and make a deeper connection with your partner.

1. MAKING EYE CONTACT

The eyes are the doorways to a connected sex life. Although it may feel a little funny at first, making eye contact during sex tells your partner that all your attention is on him. It builds trust, which ultimately leads to a stronger sexual and emotional bond.

2. TOUCHING

Touching each other throughout the day builds longing for each other. Massaging, stroking, and caressing all produces oxytocin, which is the bonding chemical. To build a deeper connection, try touching each other without having sex. Build up the tension for a few days to make your next intimate an explosive encounter.

3. BREATHING

We do it automatically everyday but most of us don’t realize that breathing is a way to heighten pleasure and arousal. When you breathe deeper, you bring more oxygen into the body, which allows you to be aroused at greater heights. Alternating your breath as you breathe into each other’s mouths is an intimate exercise that has been used in ancient traditions as a way to share the soul.

4. EXPLICIT TALK

The simple act of sending a sweet text message or complimenting your lover can send blood rushing into the genitals. Not only does it build anticipation, but will also keep your partner thinking about you all day.

5. SETTING THE SCENE

Nothing breaks the mood like cell phones blaring and clutter all over your bedroom. Set the scene for intimacy with sensual music, candles, clean sheets and a shift in environment. Don’t limit intimacy to the bedroom only, you can also create a stage for an encore performance in the living room or kitchen. Think of sex as a theatrical piece—you need the right lighting, right mood and sets. Stimulating your creativity as you prepare actually stimulates the sexual drive.

6. DOING SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY

Taking the time out to do things for your lover that shows that you care and respect his feelings is very important. Plan to go to his favorite restaurant, run a simple errand for him or cook him an exquisite meal. Doing something for him out of the blue will surely increase the love he has for you.

7. TRYING SOMETHING NEW

Many couples get into patterns when it comes to sex. To break free of the bedroom doldrums, do something adventurous. Take a class together at a sex boutique, go skydiving or do something else that you have never done in bed before, but have always wanted to try.

8. SENSUAL FEATS

Creating a romantic dinner together with specific foods can actually form deeper bonds. Chocolate, for example, contains the chemical Phenethylamine (PEA) which is responsible for the feeling of being in love. Avocados boost both the male and female libido.

9. ROLE PLAYING

Using your imagination always gives a great boost to your sex life. If you consciously take on a fantasy role in the bedroom, the level of intimacy is heightened when you come back to your more traditional roles in the relationship. Try role-playing as an erotic masseuse and client or as a captor and captive.

10. ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE VULNERABLE

In today’s world, women are becoming stronger than ever and it takes a lot to let down our guards, especially if we’ve been hurt before. But, letting the walls around you melt and allowing your partner to penetrate you emotionally and physically are some of the best things you can do in a relationship. Share your deepest feelings with him and allow him to get to know all the different facets of your personality.

Curated by Erbe

Original Article

9 Wordless Ways Someone Says, “I Love You”

April 13, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

Longing to hear, “I love you” from someone special? Try watching his or her body language instead. Some 60 to 90 percent of the meaning of our communication is delivered nonverbally — and in romantic situations, this jumps to 99 percent, says anthropologist David Givens, director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington, and author of Love Signals.

“When it comes to emotions, our bodies do the talking more than words,” Givens says.

Here are nine surprising (and wordless) ways the body telegraphs, “I love you.”

Love sign #1: Shoulder rolls or shrugs

Who knew the shoulders were one of the more expressive parts of the body? Thanks to their rounded shape, smooth skin, and ability to move — shrugging, lifting, rolling — the shoulders are able to convey emotional nuances remarkably well, Givens says. Rolling a shoulder, in particular, reads as a gesture of affection or flirtatiousness.

Unlike some other large muscles, the upper trapezius has special “gut reactive” visceral nerves that are sensitive to your emotions. (Think about how your shoulders sag in defeat and shake when you cry.) The biceps, as a contrasting example, rely on somatic nerves, which help those muscles do intentional tasks, like lift weights. “The biceps aren’t very emotionally expressive,” Givens notes.

(Ladies, try a sleeveless top on that big date to help your shoulders do the talking.)

Love sign #2: Mirroring your actions

You splay your right fingers around your coffee cup; so does he. You take a sip; he takes a sip. Anthropologists call this synchrony of actions “isopraxism” (iso being Greek for “same” andpraxism meaning “behavior”). Couples tend to do this unconsciously as they fall in love; their bodies can’t help themselves.

Mirroring behaviors are a strong element in the courtship rituals of all animals that use courtship, Givens says. A female mallard hen, for example, swims close to her male target and bobs her heads in the water until he copies her, and they do this back and forth until they mate. The behavior demonstrates that neither is threatening to the other, allowing them to get closer.

“The more alike you are, the more you like each other,” Givens says. “It strengthens your bond.”

Love sign #3: Locked eyes

If an object of attraction gazes deep into your eyes, your heart just may skip a beat. Eye contact is a potent emotional link — in ordinary circumstances, both parties feel a strong urge to break a gaze after three seconds. (People make less eye contact when they dislike each other, feel intimidated, or disagree.)

But if you like someone, you tend to hold the gaze for an extra few beats without even being aware of it. This says, “I’m really, really interested in you.”

Like most of the nonverbal communications that express love to other adults, the tendency to gaze long and hard at a beloved is rooted in the caring ways that parents treat children, Givens says. Mothers tend to gaze longer at babies than adults because they’re so interested in them and need to be attentive to them; in this way we grow up associating a long gaze with love.

Love sign #4: Sitting close by

Does your loved one move in close to you — maybe your hips touch when you sit side by side, or your knees knock into his or hers when you sit across from each other?

“Reducing the distance between you and the other person is a strong way our bodies send a message of love,” says Jamie Comstock, a professor of communication at Butler University in Indianapolis.

Someone in love almost can’t help the urge to be physically near his or her object of affection. When you’re drawn to someone, it’s almost literal: Often the body knows the attraction before any words of love have been exchanged, Comstock says.

Love sign #5: Head tilts

When you’re talking, watch your listener. Does he or she cock his or her head, either to the left or right? In a friendship, a tilted head fosters rapport. In courtship, it reads as flirtatiousness.

Leaning the head toward the shoulder connotes harmlessness and submissiveness, the Center for Nonverbal Studies’ David Givens says, which makes the relationship “softer.” As with the shoulder muscles, the muscles involved in tilting the head are controlled by visceral nerves, which are equipped to reflect emotion. A tilted head is a gesture that adds warmth and immediacy to the dialogue between you. Subtle? Yes. But like many aspects of body language, these cues speak volumes about the relationship.

Love sign #6: A fingertip caress

Being lightly, casually touched — on your shoulder, your forearm, the back of your neck, a little side hug — instantly registers in the brain as warmth and reassurance.

The emotional centers of the brain register touch more quickly than messages that come through the language center, Givens says. The touch doesn’t have to be long to register as warm and reassuring. (This kind of touch is different from having breasts or genitals touched in a nonsexual situation, which sends a confusing message rather than a simple “I love you.”)

“The presence of touch is a sign of affection because it sends a message of inclusion: I want to be closer to you,” says Butler University’s Jamie Comstock. “You can say, ‘I love you’ 30 times a day, but if you only touch the person minimally — rarely hug, kiss, or show appropriate physical affection — that ‘I love you’ will ring pretty hollow to him or her,” she says.

Best of all, touching is a shared message: “The fingertips are extremely sensitive to touch, so you get a good message right back,” Givens says.

Love sign #7: Rapid eye blinking

Is she batting her eyelashes at you? Does he look especially vulnerable and cute — because he’s blinking? The normal rate of eye blinking in humans is 20 times a minute. Faster blinking indicates emotional stress — such as when the person is attracted.

“We blink faster when excited because eyelid movements reflect bodily arousal levels established by the brain stem’s reticular activating system (RAS),” Givens says. The result: a chain reaction. Emotions from the limbic system stimulate the RAS to act on the brain to release the chemical dopamine in a part of the midbrain connected to the eyes.

A warning about reading the right message into this signal, though: A faster blink rate is also triggered when the speaker is lying.

Love sign #8: A warm smile

Smiles warm our hearts — but not any old smile is a sign of affection. What to look for: a genuine smile (called a “zygomatic smile”), the kind that can’t easily be faked because it’s produced not on demand but by pure emotion. In heartfelt smiles, the zygomaticus muscles are strongly contracted, so that corners of the mouth curve upward and the outer corners of the eyes wrinkle into crow’s feet. Pay attention to the eyes: In a genuine smile, they tend to be crinkled more tightly.

The face is more expressive than any other part of the body because all facial muscles are controlled by visceral nerves, which are connected to emotions. Some people say they can see their dog or cat smile, but these animals have little facial flexibility compared with our evolutionary kin the primates, who developed this ability in order to communicate. Reptiles, in comparison, can’t move their features at all, save to open their mouths.

Love sign #9: A higher-pitched and softer voice than usual

Notice how a parent talks to a child: The voice takes on a slightly higher, warmer tone — not loud, no edge to it. This same love-infused relationship is the model for the tone that people in love use. It’s a softer pitch than usual. “It’s innately friendly,” Given says, “and suggests a nonaggressive, nonhostile pose.”

That doesn’t mean that if your crush isn’t speaking to you in baby talk or falsetto, he or she doesn’t love you. The tone of a voice in love isn’t that exaggerated. It’s simply more loving.

The tone of voice is so important — and so revealing — because we “hear” the way words are delivered separately from how we process the words themselves. Tone of voice carries both emotion (love, hate, anger) and social information (sarcasm, superiority).

In fact, humans are so good at reading voices that you should probably trust what you hear in the tone more than the words themselves — especially when that “I love you” rolls off the tongue of the object of your affection. Comstock says, “When there’s a discrepancy between the words and the tone” — whether it’s detached, monotonal, defensive, sarcastic — “people believe the nonverbal.”

Curated by Erbe

Original Article

What You Really Choose When You Don’t Choose Love

April 16, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

Energy from the perspective of your soul is very different than energy from the perspective of your five senses. Spiritual growth requires understanding the differences between these two perspectives.

From the perspective of the five senses, energy is the ability to do work, to get things done. The more energy you have, the more things you can accomplish. The important questions from this perspective are: How much energy do you have? Are you getting enough sleep? Worrying too much? Do you need more vitamins? Are your mitochondria healthy? People who worry about these things go to physicians, nutritionists and psychologists to get more energy. They don’t want to be sleepy or tired. The problem is physical or psychological. The cure is medicine or psychotherapy.

From the perspective of your soul, the important question is not how much energy you have, but what kind of energy you have. There are only two kinds of energy. Of course, anger, jealousy, resentment, stress, cravings, addictions and compulsions feellike different energies. Each creates its own kind of physical sensations in your body (they hurt) and acting on each creates a particular kind of consequence (destructive and painful). They appear to be different energies, but they are actually different experiences of one kind of energy: fear.

The other kind of energy is love. Different experiences of love can also feel like different energies, for example, appreciation, gratitude, patience, awe of Life and contentment. Each of these also comes with its own physical sensations in your body (they feel good) and acting on each creates a particular kind of consequence (health and joyfulness). So, even though these experiences feel like different energies, they are actually different experiences of one kind of energy: love.

Now the story becomes even more interesting. Some experiences of fear can appear to be experiences of love. For example, romantic love. You long for someone (painful), try to influence this person (painful) and, at last, attract him or her into your life (feels wonderful), but intense pain follows immediately when he or she leaves, dies or falls in love with someone else. The entire drama is created by fear appearing to you as love. This drama is painful and destructive because none of it is love. Love cannot produce pain or destruction.

There are many examples of fear appearing as love. Chaplains, clergy, hospice workers, medical-care professionals and numerous others may appear to be loving, and yet not act consistently from love. Some may act in order to feel better about themselves — to create a desirable self-image, for example, as a caring, patient, philanthropic or altruistic person. When their efforts are not appreciated or are rejected, they feel disappointed (pain), unappreciated (pain) or abused (pain), then resentment (pain) grows until it becomes anger (pain).

When the bottom-line, bedrock, can’t-go-any-deeper reason for an action is to benefit another, the energy beneath your action is love. When the bottom-line, bedrock, can’t-go-any-deeper reason for action is to benefit yourself, the energy beneath your action is fear. Only you can know your real intention, and you may not know it unless you have the courage and commitment to look for it and find it.

There is more energy in love than in fear. You might say it is the highest-octane fuel available. (Not love for this person or that person—love for everyone; love for Life; love for the Earth school and everything in it.) Ram Dass once told me, smiling happily, “I love you. I love her. I love this table. I love the floor. I am in an ocean of love.” Most of us, on the other hand, live in an ocean of fear.

Love is tireless, healing and inexhaustible. It brings people together. It is powerful beyond measure. It is the Great Compassion that Buddhists speak about. It is the “love that surpasses all understanding” that Christians talk about.

Have you thought about energy this way? Have you ever looked at the things you do and say and asked yourself, “Am I doing this from love, or am I doing this from fear?” This is the most important question you can ask yourself because it brings you to the most important choice you can make: the choice between love an fear. Not only is this choice possible, it is the choice you were born to make each moment. Choosing to act with love no matter what is happening inside you (such as painful experiences of fear) and around you (such as a national or international crisis) is creating authentic power. Creating authentic power depends on your choice. Choosing fear almost always happens unconsciously. Choosing love always happens consciously.

Gary Zukav is the author of The Seat of the Soul and you can find more about his work here.

Curated by Erbe

Original Article

Relationship Bliss in 10

April 21, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

1. They go to bed at the same time.
Remember when you first started dating and you couldn’t wait to cuddle and sleep next to each other? Well, don’t forget that! Going to sleep at the same time is a necessity. When you go to bed together, you’re promoting healthy relationship patterns.

2. They find common interests.
It’s important to really enjoy spending time together. He doesn’t need to share your love of reality TV, and you obviously don’t need to understand his adoration for ESPN, but you should have activities that the two of you look forward to doing as a couple. Whether it’s picking a new recipe to try every weekend, going for a run, or simply watching The Blacklist, find something fun to do consistently together.

3. They touch.
Small gestures like holding hands or putting your arm around each other increases closeness, which is always a factor in the lives of happy couples. When you hold hands, you’re subconsciously reminding yourself that you care about each other.

4. They don’t pointlessly nag.
Happy couples emphasize the positive things that their partner does. This means that if something is bothering you, you have a real conversation about it. Nitpicking, nagging, or criticizing are not the way to someone’s heart.

5. They embrace affection, continuing to kiss each other hello and say “I love you.”
Before you leave for work in the morning, give your partner a really great goodbye kiss and say I love you. When you come home from a long day, do it again. Your morning and evening greeting should be something that you look forward to. Once you start kissing and sharing your feelings often, you’ll appreciate each other more. People forget that the small things make a difference. When you begin your day with a loving gesture, you’re starting on a great note.

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Overseas Lovers & Secondary Adolescence

April 21, 2015January 22, 2024 by Alexandra Norrisin LOVE2 Comments

Moving overseas has a tendency to feel like a second adolescence. You wipe the slate and have a chance to try on different versions of yourself. It can be quite daunting navigating what feels like being an adult teenager. It is a cycle of losing and finding yourself until you find the right fit. If you choose to return to your nest from battle, you may find you are comforted by familiarity and perspective. Then, should you decide to return to where you did all your growing and shifting, you get to double down on new perspectives.

Here is my story on my second adolescence and some of the relationships I experienced.

I had a thing for Bens* around the time I moved to Australia. My first Ben came to me when I found my first apartment in Melbourne. My friends brought him along I was a little tipsy and I liked the way his beard felt, so I invited him to stay and promptly passed out. He was a perfect gentleman. We dated for four months (a good beard can get you places, apparently). He took me out for food, we wore sweatpants a lot, smoked marijuana, he taught me to play some music and we jammed together and we watched the TV show Weeds and had pretty fantastic sex. I met his family for passover and they were fantastic. After a while some cracks started to show. One day I felt homesick and I cried. His overwhelming sympathy consisted of a trip to his local pub and an invitation to stay behind if I felt like it. Another day, I found out my cat had died on my way to a football game with him, and I cried. He repeated the drill by walking a full meter in front of me while I wept and then we went to the game.

At a certain point, I realized I had never really felt fully connected to Ben #1, but I felt comfortable in those sweatpants, and was ever so far from home. I needed it.

My second Ben came after I left to do some travelling and working around the country. I came back to Melbourne a little shell shocked from some deep spiritual digging. I ended up at a party, and was chatted up by one of the coolest-looking Bens I’ve ever met. He was laid back, wore a winter hat even though it was warm. He worked at a cool bar and liked the same cool music I was into. He also made me feel very cool. He sent me a text before the night was over and took me out for dinner later in the week. He saw a photo of me with my mother in my wallet and told me I looked hot as though I should know it, which was not a feeling I was accustomed to, but it was very nice. We made out and he was the best kisser I had ever met until that point. I felt high when he pressed his lips against mine. He swept me off my feet about as swiftly as he ditched me for being “too intense.” Fair enough (a phrase he would exhaust even in the short time we knew one another). Everything felt more intense so far from home. Adolescence has a tendency to be a bit intense and I was on my second round of it.

It was at this point that I found a local hot yoga studio and discovered that they were offering a special discount for people insane enough to do it every day for a month, they even let me keep going for two months. I threw myself into hot breathing and stretching on the daily, and also discovered in Melbourne you can see a relationship counsellor on a weekly basis and payment is on a sliding scale. So if you were broke, like I had been, it was free. I recommend this for everyone who takes up a new life overseas. I started to feel functional as a human again and unpacked all of my baggage while not having to burden my friends with my anxious thought.

My counsellor reached out to me after I left Australia for home and told me she had moved on to another facility and told me that her own experiences mirrored some of my own. It was touching to learn that even the people meant to fix you can have their own version of the experiences that have felt so impactful.

A year outside of your comfort zone, meeting your own Bens and having some uncomfortable growing pains can provide cathartic benefits. Taking healthy risks affects our emotional intelligence in a way that is as unique and wonderful as it is terrifying. Go find your Bens and come back and tell me about it. I’ve moved on to other names but would love to hear about yours.

*Names have been changed.

11 Struggles Of Being A Highly Sexual Woman

April 28, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

We believe you should be true and happy with your own desires!

When you’re a woman who absolutely loves sex, you’re a minority among your female counterparts. You’re a bit like a unicorn, a woman whom men have heard of but have never seen.

To many, you are a myth. In fact, women being sexual creatures in any sense are a myth to most.

The thing is, we definitely are sexual beings despite the conflicting rhetoric society likes to project. We all love a great sexual encounter of the sweaty, steamy variety.

Yet, just like most things, some of us are much more sexual than others.

A highly sexual woman is just like any other woman. We’ve embraced our sexuality, and we own it. We want sex just as much, if not more than men do.

We’re lustful and fantasize just as much as the male population. We refuse to find shame in our desires, no matter who tries to ostracize us.

We’re sexually insatiable, and while the guys we date may think that’s just fantastic, it ends up being more of a struggle.

Suddenly, you’re the one trying to jump your boyfriend at every turn. Suddenly, you’re the one coming on to HIM all the time.

Not to mention, the good people of society would delightedly go on a witch hunt if they knew about your less-than-kosher sexual desires.

We’re told to embrace our sexuality by liberal media and yet, told to hide it by everyone else. What’s with this double standard?

Why should a guy get to romp around from bed to bed and face no social consequences, and a girl can’t even have a little fun? What is a gal to do?

These are 11 struggles every highly sexual woman faces on a regular basis:

1. When your boyfriend turns you down for sex, it hurts that much more

You’ve always been told a woman is the one who is pursued for intercourse in a relationship. This has never been the case for you.

You often find your boyfriend just cannot physically keep up with you. If you had your way, you’d be getting it on three times a day.

All of this “three times a week is the average” bullsh*t makes no sense to you. Therefore, when your boyfriend tells you he doesn’t want sex, you can’t help but feel really hurt and offended.

Why would a guy not want to have sex with you? It makes you feel like you’re not sexy, especially in such a vulnerable position

2. You have more vibrators than Babeland

Your vibrators come in all shapes and sizes, colors and intensity levels. You know how each of them works in its own special way, and you love each individually.

None of your friends understand why you could possibly need such an extensive collection, but you know better.

They all have a specific, different purpose. You’re looking for more than just your average stimulation and a halfhearted orgasm.

On top of all of this complicated tomfoolery, you constantly run out of AA batteries and end up spending more money to replace them than you do on shoes.

3. Society will judge and shame you

You deal with the stigma of being called a slut and a whore on the regular. You feel like the world is breathing down your neck, constantly attempting to stamp a scarlet A on your chest.

You’re in a constant battle between wanting to be proud of your sexual fearlessness and the labels society has historically tarnished sexual women with.

4. Men really don’t know what to make of you

They don’t know whether they’ve hit the ultimate jackpot or gotten in way over their heads. You’re always down for the freaky stuff, which is awesome, but your sexual insatiability can be intimidating.

You don’t care enough to worry if you’re emasculating a man with your high drive.

He can just get over it or get out. Guys want sex, but once they meet you, it’s a head-trip. You’re putting out constantly. What does he have to complain about?

5. People will call you a sex addict

Both your friends and your boyfriends have referred to you as a “sex addict.” You inform them that a sex addict is someone who goes out and f*cks everything he or she sees, often unsafely.

You are simply a woman who loves to have sex. That doesn’t make you an addict. It makes you a human being.

6. All of your friends come to you for sex advice

This is one of the nicest parts about being so sexual. Your friends feel like they can live vicariously through your many sexual endeavors.

They also trust you enough to come to you with all of their questions about sex. You always have the answers because there are very few things you haven’t given a try.

Anything the girls need to know, they know you’re the person to see.

7. You make everything a sexual innuendo

You sexuality spills into every facet of your life, especially your humor. You can’t help but make every joke sexual. Everything from pencils, cucumbers and forearms can be metaphors for dicks.

You manage to make even the most innocent of exchanges dirty. But hey, you don’t have a dirty mind — just a sexy imagination.

8. You can separate sex and love

Unlike most of your female counterparts, you have no problem taking your emotions out of the act of sex. You can have sex just like a man.

To you, sex is a fun, pleasurable activity. It doesn’t need to be fraught with feelings. You’re a busy woman who doesn’t have time to deal with drama. You just want to get off and get back to your lengthy to-do list.

9. Pretty much anything is a turn on

Even the most mundane things can be a turn on. Whether it is a cute guy eating an ice cream cone or an expected breeze whipping up your skirt, you find it takes very little to get you hot and bothered.

You often find yourself at home with your boyfriend (either robotic or human) getting it on before dinnertime. When you’re at work or out with friends, you consciously remind yourself to keep your mind off sex.

10. Sex is your therapy

F*ck yoga. Nothing in this world could relax you the way sex does. Sure, you enjoy the catharsis of a bottle of wine and Netflix on occasion, but you’d much rather be indulging in a hump sesh than a romcom.

It also serves as your main source of exercise. Any cardio that comes with an orgasm is all right by you.

11. You stopped counting your number of sexual partners

You’re always safe, but a number is just a number. You’re not ashamed, and you shouldn’t have to be.

As long as you’re careful with your sexual health, you will continue to enjoy yourself and let your freak flag fly.

You go, girl. You go.

Curated by Tatiana
Original Article