zfortadmin, Author at Love TV - Page 27 of 50

Author: zfortadmin

Romantic Relationship Tips for the Holidays

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Getting through the holidays when you are in a relationship is never easy – that’s why there are relationship tips for the holidays that will ensure you still have a relationship after the holidays.

I know that the holidays and all of that family time can cause some strain on a relationship. These relationship tips for the holidays will not only help you survive the holidays with your partner, but they will make sure that you relationship stays strong – even through all of the stress!

1. DON’T OVERBOOK YOURSELVES

One of the most important relationship tips for the holidays that we’re going to start out with is not to overbook yourselves. Honestly girls, you can’t split the holidays and go to two different family homes or do two different Christmas Eves in the same night. That is where the stress can actually start and that is how you can get yourself into a fight. Just schedule down and talk about a plan!

2. DON’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

So your boyfriend hasn’t wrapped the presents or hasn’t sent out the Christmas cards yet – it’s okay! Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s not worth it and it’ll cause way more problems than do good. If you are feeling overwhelmed by the holidays, talk to your boyfriend about your feelings and see what he has to say.

3. SET BOUNDARIES

Always, no matter what, set boundaries for yourself during the holidays. Make sure that your partner can tell when you are getting in a bad mood or even just walk away when you are starting to feel annoyed. This can actually save a lot of pain and a lot of fighting. Remember, it’s the holidays and they shouldn’t completely stress you out.

4. CREATE INTIMACY

Wherever you are, always make sure that you are trying to create some kind of intimacy. This could mean anything from a small date night before the holidays or even just some cuddle time on the couch together. That intimacy can really create a good bond and will help you get over the stress.

5. REMEMBER WHY YOU ARE TOGETHER

During the holidays, it is always good to reflect on why exactly you and your partner are together. Remember the great times, remember the times when #things weren’t super stressful and remember why you started to go out. If you feel like you need a break and that you are being pulled in a million directions, reflect on your relationship, girls!

6. REALIZE THE HOLIDAYS ARE STRESSFUL

The holidays are stressful, girls – you’ve got to #face reality that this time of year is when stress leaks into the simplest of things! Whether you are shopping with your boyfriend or you are planning a holiday dinner, #everything is harder around the holidays. So girls, calm down and remember, don’t sweat the small stuff!

7. DISCUSS GIFTS IN ADVANCE

One of the biggest problems that I have in my #relationship is – how much do I spend on my partner? How much #money is appropriate? Well girls, this is why discussing gifts and even price options in advance is a great idea! This will eliminate the stress of how much or little to buy your #partner!

8. KNOW THE GOOD AND BAD OF YOUR FAMILY

You know your family. You know just how great they can be, but you also know just how stressful they can be. You’ve got to realize that if this is the first time that you’ve ever had a boyfriend during the holidays, he might be scared of your family at first. Just take it all in stride, girls!

9. TAKE A BREATHER

Finally, allow the two of you to have some time alone, to take a breather from everyone. During the holidays this year, when I head back to Michigan, I’ve got plans to make a little getaway for my #girlfriend and I. It’ll make our holidays that much better.

10. REALIZE THE GOOD OF HIS FAMILY

The holidays can be particularly hard for you if you’ve never had a boyfriend during them and aren’t used to a. splitting the holidays or b. spending time with anyone else’s family besides your own. This is the #time you’ve got to realize that his family might have different traditions, might do things differently but it’s okay — and it’ll be worth it for you to learn how his family does things!

11. LEARN NEW TRADITIONS

Yes, your family might be more than willing to open up some Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve, but his family might not. Why not learn some new traditions and even start some of your own with your #boyfriend?

I know that being in a relationship around the holidays is never easy, but remember, keep it simple and don’t stress! It isn’t worth it! So, what other #relationship tips during the holidays do you have to share? Give up some advice!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

4 Tips to Find Your Soul Mate by Christmas

by zfortadminin LOVE

December is freshly pressed into our lives….

with Christmas vision waiting for you just  around the corner. For many it can be not so cheerful reality check. Does the thought of spending them by yourself fill you with dread? Well, fear no more! There are ways that you can turn the holiday preparations to your advantage, so that you can find your soul mate by Christmas.

bosk na snehu

Step 1: Don’t Worry, Be Happy

It’s hard to be happy when you see everyone else in pairs and you’re still single, but happiness is what is needed in order to catch someone’s eye. People like to be around happy people. While misery may get you attention in the short-term, people will soon get tired of your company if all you do is complain about being single, or talking about how unhappy you are that you’re still alone.

LIKE ENERGY ATTRACTS LIKE ENERGY. This isn’t just psychic new-age babble. It’s not just wishful thinking or bright-siding. It is a theory of quantum physics, and it works. Think of it like driving a car; that vehicle is going to go where you point it, right

It’s the same with your thinking. If you focus on being miserable and alone, the more of that same energy is what you’re going to draw into your life. If you focus on what is going well, and creating your own happiness, then more of that energy is what you’re going to draw into your life. Sure, it takes more effort, but the reward is greater, too, don’t you think? Acknowledge the fact that you are unhappy with the way that things are, recognize that you want to change things so that you have someone special in your life, and then set about making the changes, rather than dwelling on the misery.

When you throw yourself into activities that you love, you start to sparkle and shine, and that enthusiasm is both charismatic and contagious.

Step 2: Try Something New

You may look at this as self-improvement time. Maybe you have been thinking about working out at the gym, or taking up a group activity such as hiking or a sport. What better way to meet new people than to start doing new things? You will be sure that you have a common interest with the people you meet, too, for you’re pursuing a common goal or activity.

Consider taking a class, starting a hobby, joining an organization or volunteering somewhere. Make sure it is something that makes you feel passionate. When you throw yourself into activities that you love, you start to sparkle and shine, and that enthusiasm is both charismatic and contagious. In order to find your soul mate, they first have to recognize you, and your charisma will enable them to to that.

Step 3: Believe in Yourself

You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t’ have to put on an act. Just be genuinely who you are. Acknowledge your faults or shortcomings and work on improving them, but don’t do it for someone else. Don’t fall into the trap of ‘if I can only lose weight / finish my degree / pay off my credit card / move to a new town / get a different car / start a new job / etc, then everything will be perfect and I will find true love’ mindset. It really doesn’t work that way.

It may sound over-simplified, but if you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else? When you feel down on yourself it’s very easy to fall into the ‘nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms’ type of mindset, but be brutally honest with yourself; would you want to fall in love with a person who exhibited that type of mindset?

True love will find you when you are being the best you whom you can be. If you want to lose weight, finish your degree, start a new job, or whatever, great—but do it for you, not for someone else. Remember, it is when you are openly and honestly yourself, immersing yourself in the joys of life and celebrating your uniqueness, that you give off the glow that will attract your soul mate to you.

Believe in your soul mate. It is a fact that there is someone out there for you.

Step 4: Believe in Your Soul Mate

In fact, this goes beyond believing in your soul mate. You have to know that he or she is out there. When you hope, there’s an element of doubt. When you believe, you take things on faith. When you know, you trust in fact—and it is a fact that there is someone out there for you. Knowing this, and living your life in this way, can make the difference between success, and failure.

LET’S PLAY PRETEND FOR A MINUTE…

Let’s pretend that you are already with your soul mate, but they are away on a business trip, to a remote place where there is no access to email or cellphone. You still go about your day, but you’re confident, because you know you have someone in your life. You aren’t miserable when you go out with your friends, because you know you are not alone. Chores like shopping for groceries or doing the dishes aren’t a grind, because you know that someone’s waiting for you.

Now, apply that to your life now. Just because you don’t know who this person is, just because they are not in your life yet, doesn’t mean that they’re not real. Have that HAPPY CONFIDENCE, put that spring in your step, and go through your days knowing that you have someone in your life. Like energy attracts like energy, remember?

Step 5: Make Room for Love to Come

Human beings, by nature, are creatures of habit, and sometimes those habits are hard to break. It’s easy to get stuck where we are, and to focus on what we have already experienced, rather than what is yet to come. We’ve already looked at going new places and doing new things, but you also need to make room in your life and your heart if you want your soul mate to enter and take up residence.

Make sure that you are not clinging to your past. If your house is full of MEMORABILIA and photographs of your ex, it’s time to have a clear out. Yes, it may be painful to realize that your love is not coming back, but that’s part of the healing process. This person may not be returning, but that means that someone equally wonderful or even more amazing than your ex is about to enter your life. Make sure that there’s space in your home, and that it reflects the welcome that you’re giving to new romance.

BE STRONG ENOUGH TO LET THAT HURT GO…

Yes, you may be opening yourself up to being vulnerable, and yes, there is a chance that someone else may disappoint you in the future—but what if they don’t? What if by being fully open and embracing your authentic self, you welcome in the love of your soul mate, the love you’ve waited so long to experience?

Last step before….

If you can embrace these five steps, I promise you that you will be well on your way to meeting your soul mate by Christmas. Just remember that you have more than one person who could be your soul mate. You have more than one chance for love—we all do. You move through life and you touch everyone whom you encounter. Some people will be in your life for a reason, to teach you something or to learn something from you.

And most important…enjoy your seasonal time (no matter how you call it) with yourself first!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Spot Your Soulmate this Holiday in a Crowd

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

It is now officially the season of love, light and laughter. This is the best time to be with someone special and snuggle up together.

Many of us are open to finding that special soul mate that will complete us. With the romantic backdrop of glistening Christmas lights and the undeniable power of mistletoe, anything is possible.

Take advantage of all the festivities and parties to maximize your chances of meeting the right person for you. However you could have a close encounter of the soul mate kind at the cheese counter in the Supermarket, anything could happen! If you are open to meeting your soul mate it is more than likely it will happen. If you are serious about meeting your soul mate make sure you take the following action:

  1. Send out a message to the Universe that you are ready for a soul mate experience. Do this by meditating and visualizing how it would feel to be totally in love. Ask Archangel Chamuel to manifest the perfect partner for you.
  2. Make sure that your confidence levels are high and that you feel good about yourself.
  3. Don’t allow preconceived ideas about your perfect partner ruin your chances of meeting them. Be open to all possibilities. Love doesn’t have trivial tick boxes.
  4. Believing is seeing, know that it will happen!

So what is a soul mate and how do we identify them?

A soul mate is someone that has shared previous lives with you. They are from the same soul group. They make your heart sing, challenge your preconceived ideas and allow spiritual growth. Many soul mates meet again because they were not able to fulfill their destiny together in previous lives.

Here is the lowdown on identifying a true soul mate

  • It is an incredible instant attraction that pales any other romantic encounter into insignificance. The instant chemistry between you is magnetic and undeniable.
  • There is instant soul recognition by one or both parties.
  • They feel so familiar, you know that you have been with them before
  • Look into their eyes (preferably when sober) and feel the special connection.
  • The physical chemistry is so much stronger than an every day relationship. When you know them well enough to get intimate, sex takes you to another level, its magic.

Give yourself the best Christmas present ever by asking our psychics when you will meet the love of your life. Have a cracking Christmas!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Become More Intimate Through These Romantic Holiday Traditions from Around the World

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

‘Tis the season!

A New Year’s kiss and a smooch beneath the mistletoe are widely known holiday traditions, but pouring molten tin into a bucket of cold water? Not so much.

In collaboration with Vashi, a UK-based diamond company, illustrator Marie Muravski created heartwarming drawings of some of the most romantic (and festive!) holiday customs enjoyed in countries around the globe. Learn more about them below:

  • Vashi
  • Vashi
  • Vashi
  • Vashi
  • Pages: 1 2

Celebrating Christmas Eve as a Single

by zfortadminin LOVE

It’s that time of year. And we’re *so* glad we’re singletons…

Now, don’t get us wrong. We all know that there can be some amazing perks to being in a relationship.

Romantic mini-breaks, someone to share the hoovering with, comforting cuddles in the sofa and your own personal chef on tap (if you’re lucky).

But at the same time, isn’t there just something truly magical about being a single lady? Especially at Christmas…

Here are 17 reasons why being single at this festive time of year is the best thing ever…

1) You can lie in bed watching Home Alone and Elf with mince pie crumbs in your cleavage ALL day Christmas Eve and nobody will judge you.

2) Haven’t shaved your legs since December 1st? Literally no one cares.

3) You can spend as much money as you want in the Boxing Day without anyone branding you ‘reckless’.

4) You can set your desktop background as Tom Hardy in a Santa hat (and occasionally gaze wistfully at it) without anyone getting jealous.

5) Let’s be honest. M&S two dine in for £10 goes a lot further without a boyfriend. Think of all the extra pigs in blankets you’ll get…

6) You can rock that amazing mesh bodysuit to your work Christmas party without being asked why you’ve chosen to step out in a pair of fishnet tights. Er, because I look AMAZING?

Pages: 1 2 3

Christmas Proposals: Private or Public

by zfortadminin LOVE

Planning a marriage proposal is awesome, especially if it’s on Christmas Eve.

While holidays can be special times to become engaged, Christmas proposals must be carefully orchestrated to avoid hurt feelings and awkward embarrassment no matter what the woman’s answer may be. When planning a Christmas proposal, the first consideration is which day to pop the big question.

Christmas Eve or Christmas Day

Man Presenting Golden Ring In Box Against Decorated Christmas TrFor some families, the majority of the celebration occurs on Christmas Eve with a traditional dinner, gift exchange, church service, or other annual ritual. In other families, the true holiday begins on Christmas morning. If you want a private proposal, the best bet is to opt for the day without the larger celebration, while a public proposal necessitates the day when everyone is gathered. Another consideration is where you will be that day – traditionally, a public proposal should occur with the bride-to-be’s family, and that consideration should take precedence over which day you propose. If your beloved is not close to her family, however, other arrangements are acceptable.

The Proposal: Public or Private?

Christmas celebrations invariably involve family and friends. If you want to propose during the holiday season, specifically near either Christmas Day or Christmas Eve, you must consider whether a public or private proposal would be more suitable.

Public Christmas Proposals

A public proposal is one that involves family members who may or may not be in on the secret. There are several ways to make a public proposal around family members and future in-laws:

  • A holiday toast asking the important question
  • Opening a gift that contains the engagement ring
  • Dressing up as Santa Claus but giving an engagement ring instead of a candy cane
  • Opening an “anonymous” holiday card with the question inside
  • Visiting Santa at the mall together to ask for your Christmas wish

If you do opt for a public proposal, be sure you have carefully judged your sweetheart’s reaction before asking the question. She may prefer a more private, intimate proposal followed by a public revelation. Furthermore, while a new engagement can add more significance and joy to a holiday celebration, a public rejection can awkwardly taint the holidays for everyone present.

Private Christmas Proposals

If you are uncertain of her answer, or if your girlfriend prefers a more intimate setting, a private proposal is the best option, followed by sharing the news with family and friends to add to the celebration. When proposing privately during the holidays, there are many ways to infuse the joy of the season with the romance of the ultimate question:

  • Viewing holiday light displays and asking for her hand amid their twinkling glow
  • Offering a private “special” gift that you want her to open early
  • Hanging the engagement ring on the Christmas tree and pointing it out so that she finds it
  • Arranging a unique seasonal excursion, such as a sleigh ride or ice skating
  • Watching a snowfall and remarking that not all ice is cold as you give her a diamond ring

A private proposal will not likely remain private for long because friends and family are visiting during the holidays. You can quickly spread the news of your engagement and add to the seasonal joy. If, however, the proposal is rejected or she needs time to consider her answer, a private proposal spares both individuals the embarrassment and awkwardness of public pressure.

Telling Friends and Family

Once you have proposed and she has accepted your offer, it is time to spread the news to family and friends with engagement announcements. Of course, a public proposal does this automatically, but you still need to contact the absent relatives via telephone, e-mail, or written note before they find out from other people. If you do choose to spread the word through the mail, never send a formal announcement, particularly to close relatives or friends. Formal wording will seem cold and distant, particularly during the holiday season when they were not privileged to be a part of the event.

After a private proposal, you can inform people of your new engagement through a holiday toast at dinner, or simply by making the announcement at a party. If you are not able to make a group announcement, sending holiday thank you cards is the perfect way to inform everyone of the change in your relationship. Likewise, telephone calls and e-mails are also perfect announcements.

The holiday season is filled with magic, wonder, and joy. Many couples choose to add romance to that special feeling by becoming engaged during the season. Whether you choose a public or private Christmas proposal, the special moment when she says “yes” will always be a treasured holiday memory.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Best Gifts for a Very Special Wife This Christmas

by zfortadminin LOVE

Hey, do you remember that time your husband got you a vacuum for Christmas and then you murdered him?  At least with your expression?  Why not hand your beloved this list before the holidays, because when Mama’s happy, everyone’s happy.

1. A photo book.

You know what gets a little tiresome?  Being the sole documentarian of your family life.  Uploading pictures and printing them into cute collages was fun when you had a newborn, but it’s getting a little old.  What if some magical fairy named [your husband’s name] whisked your phone away in the dead of the night and then a magical photo book appeared under the tree, complete with little captions about your life together?  Can we say romantic?

this is how your photo book present should be artfully displayed for your wife to find in your tulip garden OR DON'T EVEN BOTHER DOING IT YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING
This is how your photo book present should be artfully displayed for your wife to find in your tulip garden OR DON’T EVEN BOTHER DOING IT YOU LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING

2. Good chocolate.

This has to be dark enough so the kids don’t like it and expensive enough that you moderate your desire to eat it all in one sitting.  Chocolate is an aphrodisiac, especially when it’s not leftover Halloween candy.

i'm thinking about how awesome my husband is
I’m thinking about how awesome my husband is, of course

3. New shoes.

Ah, feet. They are the only part of your body that looks the same after childbirth.  Well, you went up a size, but your feet are still recognizable, unlike your abdomen.  You know what you need to celebrate the relative attractiveness of your feet?  Some new shoes.  Since your husband’s taste is, shall we say, unique, this present is best given as a fun shopping trip together during which your mom watches the kids at home.

free pictures on the internet can be weird
her name was lola

5. Lingerie

Just kidding.  Unless it’s lingerie that you like, which means it’s made out of cotton and your body is entirely covered.  This is also known as “a blanket.”

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Is this a lace bodysuit? is the body suit the focus or is it the bracelet?  is that her heel in the bottom left or someone else’s body part? my brain hurts.

6. Trashy TV.

You know what you need to do?  Take a sick day and binge watch all the episodes of Real Housewives while the kids are blessedly back in school.  But how can you do that without the full set of episodes on DVD?  Answer: you can’t, so someone should buy them for you.

imagine watching real housewives in this set up
Anything would be classy in this set up. except real housewives.

7. A new computer.

The one you’re reading this on is so old that it has newborn pictures of your oldest kid on the hard drive, and the wallpaper is a picture of you and your husband before you both had gray hair.  This one is expensive, so only ask for it if you’ve heard your husband talking about upgrading your flat screen TV.   Two can play at this game.

new laptops make women hotter
New laptops make women hotter

8. A cool watch.

This way, when you’re giving your three year old a three minute time out for hitting, it’s really three minutes and not just as long as it takes for you to put in dinner, pull the baby out of the toilet, and figure out what substance is all over your sofa.  Oh sorry, were you in the time out chair for 25 minutes?  Oopsie.

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JORD watch (Sully in Sandalwood and Maple). You guys know I love this company, because they give me watches that are trendier than I am.

9. Some piece of “artwork” with your kid’s handprint on it and a quote about how much she loves you.

You’re only human, after all.  Bonus points if there’s some reference to your selfless nature and endless patience.  (You promise to believe that your preschooler said it if your husband just writes it down.)

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The Red Hand Of Death Cometh

10.   A day off.

During which you do every single chore on your wife’s honey-do(-it-the-F-right-now) list.  With a smile and to her specifications.  (Yes, that’s why I gave you all those other options too.)

a day off! i shall leap from cliff to cliff with abandon, at twilight
A day off! i shall leap from cliff to cliff with abandon, at twilight

Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says:

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A picture is worth a thousand words; this one is worth two thousand, none of them in earthling

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

These Christmas Cookies Increase Sexual Appetite

by zfortadminin Sex

Ever wondered how these Christmas cookies increase your sexual drive?

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA
Christmas cookies have multiple advantages. (Photo: Clara from Austria / Wikimedia Commons)

Not only do they taste good – they also have a special effect on your brain’s reward system. Therefore, this year you can eat as many Christmas cookies you want without feeling guilty.

During Christmas, we eat a lot of good food and gingerbread, sirupsnipper (syrup collars) and spiced cakes are common in Norwegian homes. However, researchers have found that the taste can give you more pleasure than just good coffee bread.

– Because of the spices, the cookies increase your sex drive, says Associate Professor of Pharmacology at the University of Tromsø, Aina W. Ravna to NRK.no.

Affects the Brain

Many of the spices used in traditional Christmas cookies such as cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, cloves and nutmeg contain substances that increases your libido. It also has an affect against depression.

The brain has a reward system where the molecule dopamine plays an important role. When you have a positive experience the level of dopamine increases. This also happens when you eat food containing the typical Christmas spices.

– The spices contain substances that affects the dopamine levels. This means that gingerbread can get you in a better mood and increase your sex drive, Ravna continues.

Moreover, in combination with chocolate the effect is even better.

– Chocolate contains a substance similar to dopamine that makes you feel horny and in love, she smiles.

Cinnamon Is the Winner

Cinnamon contains cinnamaldehyde – a substance with chemical structure similar to the body’s own dopamine where low doses stimulates and high doses makes you sedative. Modern research confirms that cinnamon boosts the sexual appetite.

– Research shows that freshly baked cinnamon buns was the smell that had the most effect on men’s libido, Ravna tells.

Good for Depression and Colds

The Christmas spices are also beneficial for those affected by the dark season, and for people with a cold.

– Mexican hot chocolate is brilliant. It is common cocoa added cinnamon and cardamom among other. It is a very good drink for the season, she concludes.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Self-Love or Narcissism: Am I Being Selfish?

by zfortadminin LOVE

What does it mean to love yourself?

In our fast paced world, it can be easy to neglect the thing that matters most–ourselves. Between family, work, school, bills, appointments, and a million other things, our focus is divided among a lot of stressors. To call attention back to what’s important, I recently wrote an article called The One Nutrient That Is Missing in Nearly Every Diet. That magical nutrient I described in the article was self-love.

As soon as the article was posted, I found my words being disputed by a frenzy of naysayers. A lot of people claimed that good health does not include self-love and others said that there is already too much self-love in our society. Worst of all though, many people believe this supposed abundance of self-love has led society to become narcissistic.

In pursuit of the truth, I decided to explore these concepts more deeply and get the lowdown on the differences between narcissism and self-love, and whether or not self-love is a crucial part of health.

To get some clarification about the psychological development of narcissism, I sought out the professional insight of Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic. Dr. Chamorro-Premuzic is CEO of Hogan Assessment Systems and a Professor of Business Psychology at both University College, London and Columbia University. He defines a narcissist as “someone who is self-obsessed, holds unrealistically high self-views, and craves others’ attention and admiration.” The doctor went on to explain to me how narcissism deprives people of their emotional health. “They typically have a high need for approval and are entitled and self-centered. And while they may seem superficially charming, they are actually very cold and lack empathy.”

In a culture that places so much meaning and value on physical appearance and wealth, it’s easy to mistaken self-love for narcissism. But by definition, narcissism is an excess and that excess leads to an unhealthy self-absorption. It leads people on a never-ending quest for fulfillment which can’t be found through vanity or greed. Rather, fulfillment should come from a place of peace and gratitude. The same place in which self-love comes from.

Loving yourself means appreciating yourself for who you are as a person. It’s the ability to see yourself from an internal place rather than basing your worth on exterior value. Self-love is about knowing the deep depths of yourself, being grateful for exactly who you are and who you aren’t. Self-love is also being able to take criticism constructively and use it to better yourself rather than blame your shortcomings on others. When you love yourself, it is easy to take responsibility for yourself.

Licensed therapist and coach Melody Wilding says that “having a sense of self-esteem is important and critical. It means you honor your own emotional and physical needs and that you take care of yourself, and through doing that develop a capacity to practice an ability to love others. Narcissists, on the other hand, never develop that capability. They may have not had their emotions validated as a child or were emotionally abandoned in some way, so they don’t develop the capacity to sense the emotions of others.”

Narcissism steals a person’s ability to love themselves. Although you might assume that entitled and selfish people love themselves too much, a narcissistic person is an unfulfilled person. A person who feels like they need to take everything for themselves doesn’t have what they actually need. But a person who is full of self-love is satisfied and content. Not greedy. They can give love because they have love.

To get a deeper understanding of how narcissism can affect a person’s daily life, I went to Robert Weiss, senior Vice President of clinical development at Elements Behavioral Health. Mr. Weiss illustrated to me that “a typical narcissist can, and will, spend hours upon hours perfecting and toiling over a work project to get it just right. The narcissist’s ultimate goal is to impress and win admiration from others, meaning that all their hard work isn’t really related to doing a good job and feeling good about it, but more connected to their fantasy of all the kudos they will get when the work ultimately gets turned in. People who practice self-love simply recognize their need to take a break, relax, refuel, maybe exercise or rest and most importantly, to foster the deeper connections in their life. Thus, healthy people automatically self-nurture while also keeping a close eye toward maintaining and fostering important relationships and connections. Narcissists, on the other hand, lack a healthy sense of self-love and will work themselves to the bone for external validation, while actively dismissing anyone and anything that gets in the way of their achieving the desired reward.”

Self-love allows people to more deeply connect with others and the world around them. It fosters emotional, psychological, and physical health. If we cannot appreciate the depths of ourselves through self-love, we certainly cannot appreciate the depth of beauty of in the people or world around us. Self-love, unlike narcissism, is not about vanity. Instead, it’s about vitality. Loving yourself is getting to the internal core of your human existence and finding that sweet spot where you can be yourself and be happy with who you are. Self-love is a constant journey towards fulfillment while narcissism hollows you out.

Just like on an airplane when the attendants say you must put your own oxygen mask on before you help others, it’s kind of the same thing with self-love. The more you embrace self-love and carry the empathy that comes along with it, the more aware you become of both yourself and others. The more comfortable you become within yourself, the less it is about you and more about the good of everyone around you. When we love ourselves, we naturally build an environment of love. When we love ourselves, we build harmony.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Saying ‘No’ to a Date

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

From the up-front “No thanks” to the “long, slow good-bye.”

Dating is hard! Awkward! Weird! But the only thing harder, more awkward, and weirder than dating (which, okay, can also be fun and pleasant and great-ish, occasionally), is actually saying no to a date. The cripplingly cringe-y factor of having to do the “I’m just not that into you” dance is the worst.

Here, nine women share their strategies for how they turn down a date—or just avoid it, depending on the style (and level of cowardice) of each particular lady.

Rachel, 28

“I am very blunt when I’m not interested. I don’t have to do that very often, though, because I’m also very blunt when I don’t want to give someone my number. So if you’re texting me in the first place, I’m probably going to say yes. If it’s any date other than the first one, I will say no and tell them why, in the way that I’d want to be told—I’m not feeling it going anywhere but thanks for your time, etc. The reason I give is true about 70 percent of the time; the only ones I lie to are the really nice ones where there was just no chemistry, because men never believe there was no chemistry if they were attracted to you. To them I say, ‘Hey, so, I really enjoyed getting to meet you, but things have gotten a bit more serious with someone else I was seeing and I’m going to see where that goes. Best of luck,’ and they are always great about it. Most of them are just like, ‘Cool, text me if it doesn’t work out.’ And that one actually works BETTER if you’ve been dodging dates/texts for a week and feeling like a dick about it, because it has a built-in explanation for your flakiness. Highly recommend, though effects on karma remain unknown.”

Sarah, 28

“During my tenure on the NYC dating scene I practiced the “long, slow good-bye” with reckless abandon. If you’re not familiar, a “long, slow good-bye” is a strategically and subtly reduced frequency of contact. (Example: He texts, you respond one day later. He responds, you respond two days later. He texts, you respond four full days later…I usually double the amount of time I wait with each response, but you can use any time frame you deem appropriate for your predisposed texting cadence.) I do realize that this technique is far from unique or unorthodox—in fact, it’s probably the most selfish easiest way to dump someone. Irrespective of my favor toward the “long, slow good-bye” method, I probably wouldn’t recommend it to anyone new to the dumping scene. My reasoning is equally as selfish as the method itself: The “long, slow good-bye” is followed by an ominous feeling of guilt and self-contempt if you have even a morsel of a conscience. Additionally, your formerly blissful nights spent at Dorrian’s and Bounce will be forever marred by hauntingly inevitable run-ins with past dumpees. I can tell you that this is an experience about as pleasant as a root canal and provides an ABRUPT reminder that time does not heal all wounds. The fling you ‘long slow good-bye-d’ when you were 24 will still loathe you when you’re 35.”

Rebecca, 34

“One time on a bus a guy asked me for my number, and instead of being honest I gave him a fake one. Because Murphy’s Law is real, the man dialed it in front of me then proceeded to shame me in front of my fellow passengers. Since then I made two promises to myself: 1. That I would always be kind but honest if asked out—usually a, ‘No thank you’ is enough—and 2. That I would never blame it on having a partner, because I should be allowed to just not like someone and not feel bad about it.”

Gillian, 23

“I don’t like to condone lying, BUT I lie constantly when it comes to dating and/or getting out of dating. I have a really nasty habit (working on it) of bailing on a date hours before it’s supposed to happen, usually with the old, ‘Oh shit, I’m sorry, my boss just told me I have to work late. So mad! Rain check?’ but that is my tamest lie. I’ve pulled the ‘family emergency out of town’ far too many times, and my real low point was when I told a guy that my sister was in the hospital when she is perfectly healthy. To be fair, I usually pull this crap with Tinder dates and I’m much nicer with actual prospects, set-ups, and people I’ve actually met IRL. But yes, I am rude and terrible, and I’m sure my karma is so stacked against me at this point that I will be single for life.”

Lauren, 28

“When a guy asks me on a date over text I pull the awkward, ‘Suuuure, let’s find a dayyyy,’ and then am vague, noncommittal, and generally annoying until we can both agree that life is SO crazy right now and…*FADED* because I’m nonconfrontational and don’t know how to be a real person. I recognize that I’m the worst and it’s so rude—and personally, I’d much rather have someone just be straightforward with me and tell me he just doesn’t want to see me anymore, but….”

Rowena, 28

“If it’s only been two or three dates (I try to give everyone a second chance unless they’re truly terrible), I usually just say I’m really busy and ghost. If it’s been more than that, though, I’ll be honest and say I don’t think it’s the right thing for me.”

Kim, 26

“When someone asks me out and I don’t want to go with them, it’s not that hard to make my scheduling sound so impossible that I can’t ever see them! This happens a lot. And then when they still persist, like asking for coffee or something, I tell them I don’t drink coffee and that’s not even a lie! I’m a huge bitch and that is why I am single.”

Monica, 28

“I am SPINELESS when it comes to turning down guys. To the point where, when one guy asked me out on a second date that I was not interested in going on, I typed out a very nice ‘You’re great, but I don’t think we’re right for each other’ text message to reply with and then proceeded to continually stare at it but not actually send the thing—until finally too much time passed and I had just ghosted on him by default. I’m totally guilty of just fading out/not replying in lieu of saying no. Part of it is wanting to avoid confrontation, for sure, and feeling guilty about being mean, but I also feel like I suck at dating/meeting people and therefore give myself a hard time for wanting to shoot down an interested party, however politely. So instead of saying no, I usually just say nothing.”

Charlize, 30

“When a guy asks me out on a date in person and I want to decline, I usually say that I’m in a relationship. Sometimes this is a lie and sometimes it is true. I just think there’s no constructive aspect to being honest about why you’re saying no in the initial encounter ifthey’ve approached you in the right (respectful) way. That shit takes balls on their part. However, given the gift of the scenario in which some asshole tries to do it, I relish in every opportunity for the public takedown. Then comes the all-too-familiar scenario of meeting someone—whether it’s over the Internet or in person—and being initially attracted enough to exchange numbers, then being turned off for whatever (read: any) reason. When the making IRL plans topic is broached, I initially put it off. ‘I’m going away this weekend, but let’s talk next week’ works 75 percent of the time in getting rid of human people and 100 percent of the time in getting rid of Internet people. Guys will drop anything if it becomes too hard, in New York especially, no matter how attractive it initially was. I usually save the ‘I don’t think this is a match’ for someone suggesting a second date after an unenjoyable first. In rare occasions I’ve given that halfway through a first, but only when it was really painful or offensive.”

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Do You Fall In Love Too Easily?

by zfortadminin LOVE

When you fall in love easily, it’s never just with love. It’s with ideas. And places. And ideas of places. And people, of course, and all the things you think you could amount to.

You imagine the ways these things are meant for you, connect the coincidental dots to prove it. When you fall in love with another person, you wait for them to say they return the sentiment; when you fall in love with so many things, you have to find it for yourself.

You fall in love with all the jobs for which you apply — imagining how you’d situate your cubicle and make friends with coworkers and come home with sparkling stories of the great, important things you’re up to, only slightly imbued with exhaustion — all as you fill out the application.

But you also fall in love with the jobs you never get. The jobs you never interview for.

You fall in love with strangers in restaurants and on public transportation: people you’ll never see again, but who are beautiful and wonderful and undiscovered, as if maybe either of you will build up the courage to say hello, and that’s all there is to it. That will be all it will take, and you’ll look back on that day together and think, we almost might not have been, but thank God we did.

And you fall in love with little everyday things — with idealized photos of the way your apartment could look, with the outfits of people who seem so effortlessly put together and nonplussed about it all, with the life you could have. With your morning routine, with your daydreams during your commute. With the life you only believe you lead in your mind.

It’s so easy to fall in love with things you’ll always fall just short of ever having.

Because it is easier that way, to live in the what if and the could be and the dream world. When you’re the one who falls in love easily, you fall in love with all the things that are easy to fall in love with, the things kept at a distance, the things that will not love you back. Because when they love you back — when that love is real and something to be acted on, it has to be cultivated. And then comes the second part to the idea of love: then comes the work.

But when you don’t have to work, loving is easy. That’s why it’s so easy to fall in love. There’s no obligations, no phone calls, no anniversaries to remember. When you fall in love with jobs you never had, you never have to make deadlines. You’ll never be fired. And when you fall in love with a life you never lived, you don’t ever have to wake up when life falls short of the way you dreamed it.

Because when you fall in love easily, you also set yourself up for the fall. Because when you fall in love easily, you never have to deal with someone else breaking your heart. You’re already doing that yourself.

And when you set yourself up for a hundred little daily heartbreaks, you feel like you’re more accustomed to it. Like you’re better prepared for the day when you DO fall in love, when you DO meet the love of your life and they don’t love you back, or when you DO go on your job interview and still don’t land the role. If you imagine a trillion little what ifs, you can’t be disappointed.

But you also can’t go after what you want if you always keep it at a distance.

Because it is easy to fall in love, because it is easy to keep from living. It is easy to hide, and to say that you are the person who falls in love too easily, and that is, of course true. You fall in love easily. But love is never easy. Love is hard. Really loving, really risking yourself is terrifying and difficult and frightening and confusing and strange.

Love is worth it, though.

And the thing about that love that’s worth it, is that it feels easy when it’s real. Not always, but a lot of the time. It feels easy even though it’s not. Because when things are worth living for, and worth loving for, they may be hard, but they’re also natural.

But you can’t hide who you are just because you fall in love easy. You also have to stay in love. And that takes work. That takes not just loving, but living, too.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

10 Sex Secrets to a Happy Marriage

by zfortadminin Sex

Writer Brian Orme says, “I’m 41 years old, and have been married to the same beautiful woman for almost two decades. Over the years I’ve had to work through some myths and misconceptions about sex.

Many of these misconceptions started early, before I was married, and they’ve taken years to straighten out. If I could send 10 sex and intimacy tips to myself before I was married, this is exactly what I’d say.

Sexual intimacy doesn’t happen like it does on TV or in the movies

Much of what you know about sex comes from advertising, TV and the movies. In other words, sex looks like a spontaneous, flawless connection of love-making filled with romance, music and candles in windowsills. Sexual intimacy does not work like that. Don’t be disappointed — real sexual intimacy is different than the movies, but it’s much better in the long run.

A note on frequency. Brace yourself.

Right now you’re thinking marriage is filled with sex almost every second of the day and thousands of times a week. You should live in this dream world for as long as you can and ride your trusty unicorn into the Skittle-stained sunset where you pet your wild Ewok and cross the Bridge to Terabithia. Stay there. As long as you can. That is all.

Sex is like fine wine — it gets better with age

Sexual intimacy is something you get better and better at. It takes communication, practice and time. Right now you think your sex IQ is at a genius level, but you really don’t know everything.

Sex is not just about getting, but giving

Are you laughing? I’m serious. Sex is something that requires both of you to give. And it’s good to give. Don’t be a taker all the time. Sexual intimacy is a great place to model sacrifice and service. If you get that into your head now, the getting will be even better. There’s great beauty and mystery in the giving. Be generous.

Men and women don’t think about sex the same way

For you, sex is wrapped up in physical attraction and it’s very visual and instantaneous. However, you might want to sit down for this one. Women think about sex in terms of the relationship, their security and how much they feel loved and pursued. For you, sex is like a light switch without a dimmer — you’re totally ready at any moment. For her, sex is like a crockpot that takes a good part of the day to come to a simmer. You will both be frustrated by this. That’s okay; it’s part of God’s wiring to bring you together on a deeper level.

Sex doesn’t complete you

Right now, you are putting a ton of stock in the power, importance and value of sex. Let’s be honest, you think about it constantly. You need to know sexual intimacy is fantastic and satisfying and incredible in so many ways, but it’s not meant to be an idol. You will need to fight this and work to keep sex in proper perspective — as a gift from God to be enjoyed in marriage.

Sex can be fun and funny and playful

There are many angles of sexual intimacy, and some of them you’re totally unaware of right now. You think of sex in one dimension — serious pleasure. However, sexual intimacy done right is a form of vulnerability and authenticity, and when you totally love someone and have nothing to hide — and I mean nothing — you are free to be your truest self.

Be romantic and pursue her

Make sure she knows you want her in more ways than just the physical. Pursue her mind. Pursue her heart. Pursue her in every way possible. Remember, she doesn’t think about sex like you do — you’re all skin and eyeballs, and she’s all heart and soul.

It’s more mysterious than you think

Again, right now your thoughts about sex are pretty simple. You’re stuck in the physical, but God designed sexual intimacy to be way more complex than two bodies finding their way together. It’s hard to explain and I don’t fully understand it, but something magical happens in the act of sex, something cosmic that links you to her in a way that’s soul deep.

Sex in marriage is a form of worship

Most of your thoughts about worship are confined to religious places. So, when I say sex is worship, you probably think I’m nuts. But soon you’ll get a bigger picture. It’s a fun point in our spiritual journey. You can have unashamed, unabashed, unadulterated sex as often as you want with your partner.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Top 20 Turnoffs of Women

by zfortadminin Sex

You Might Not Enjoy Hearing It, But Here’s What Turns Women Off

Women are used to being told what men find attractive, and also what makes their skin crawl. Every second article in most women’s magazines is a list of things to avoid wearing or doing because men don’t find it arousing, repeated so often that most of us can list them off from memory: Don’t wear red lipstick, hats or wedges; don’t be a starfish in the bedroom who never initiates sex; and don’t nag or be too clingy.

Rarely is the reverse true. Sure, there is the occasional article about what women want and what we hate, but it isn’t hammered into men to the same degree, and women are starting to notice the disparity:

So in the interests of fairness, and for the sake of helping men who date women get an idea about where they might be going wrong, I put the question to my Twitter followers, and –– lo and behold! — women began spilling their biggest turnoffs with abandon. Here are the top 20:

1. You Have Long, Dirty Or Unkempt Fingernails

This one comes up so often it’s worth keeping at the front of your mind: Dirty or uncared-for nails are an instant, stomach-turning turn-off for large swaths of women, especially if you’re trying to put those nails near our bodies. Take care of your hands!

2. You’re Rude To Waiters Or Other Service Workers

Rudeness is a turn-off, for both genders, period. It can, however, take a while for people’s true colors to start peeping through, and so women are paying close attention to how you treat people who serve you for clues about how you might treat us further down the line.

3. You Have Bad Shoes

What counts as a bad shoe is clearly subjective, but one thing’s for sure: women are looking at your shoes. If you’ve put effort into the rest of your outfit but none into those things that cover your feet, your prospective love interests are likely to be marking you down.

4. You Tune Out While She’s Speaking

It’s the ultimate sign of disrespect if you can’t be bothered listening to a person when they’re speaking. It’s doubly insulting to get that treatment from a man you’re dating; someone who’s presumably meant to support and care about you. Mark my words, fellas: Men who don’t listen don’t last long.

via GIPHY

5. You Don’t Use Deodorant

This is a personal hygiene matter that women take issue with on a mass scale. It shouldn’t come as a big surprise, but if you are reeking of B.O., women won’t exactly flock to you. Deodorant is a must.

6. You’re Selfish

Whether it’s ignoring our pleasure in the bedroom or turning a blind eye our needs outside of it, selfish men are, without exception, incredibly unappealing to women.

7. You’re Hard To Read During Sex

This is basically the male equivalent of a women who’s a starfish in the bedroom. It’s hard to know if you’re pleasing someone in bed if they give you no visual or verbal feedback, and women consistently report this as a bedroom-based turn-off. Please, guys, show us a little appreciation — or if things aren’t working out, at least tell us where we’re going wrong!

8. You Tell Her She’s “Not Like Other Girls”

We get that this one’s meant to be a compliment, but dude, what the hell?! All this sounds like to us is, “I have a low opinion of women in general, but I’ve decided that you’re a special snowflake. Please enjoy this high praise.” It’s not a compliment to be told we’re not like other girls, because there’s nothing wrong with being a girl, and — surprise! — the vast majority of girls actually like each other.

9. You Constantly Interrupt Her

C’mon, my guy: Can we at least finish our line of thought before you steamroll over us?

10. You Refer To Women As “Females”

This is a popular peeve: We’re human women, not antelopes, and “female” is an adjective, not a noun. It’s a really simple fix –- just call us “women.”

11. You Tell Her To “Lighten Up” When Your Friends Say Bigoted Things

This one comes up aplenty, and the casual use of slurs against people of color, women or LGBTQ people ranks as equally unimpressive. If you’re behaving like a bigot then we don’t need to lighten up; in fact, it’s a hint that you and your friends need to grow up and exercise some restraint.Bonus turnoff points: You don’t call out your friends for their misogyny when they demonstrate it, but try to placate us behind the scenes. Nice try!

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Best New Year’s Resolutions of Single Ladies

by zfortadminin LOVE

Callin’ all the single ladies! It’s that time of year again.

new years resolution of single ladies

Time to wipe the slate clean and get a fresh start on a new year. So let’s ditch those bad habits… you know the ones… and set your NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS!!!

new years resolution of single ladies

Happy New Year!

Curated by Erbe
Original Video