Relationships Archives - Page 3 of 11

10 Lessons About Marriage You Can Learn From Divorce

April 2, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin RELATIONSHIPS

Unfortunately, I know a thing or two about divorce. My parents divorced when I was in my twenties, and my first marriage ended in divorce after 13 years. Even my closest friends all have parents who are divorced.

So when my marriage ended, I thought that having a successful marriage wasn’t in the cards for me. But as luck would have it, I ended up meeting and marrying a man who is not just an amazing person, but a top-notch husband. My second marriage has been my version of Happily Ever After.

What I’ve learned from my experiences of divorce and remarriage, and from observing other couples, is that every couple has the ability to have a successful marriage. Marital success has nothing to do with education, economics or social status. In fact, if ever there was an even playing field, it is in this area.

Having a successful marriage is all about the choices we make every minute of every day. Marriages fail when spouses make poor choices as to how they are going to treat each other. It isn’t more complicated than that. So here are some of my insights about marriage (some learned the hard way) and how you can make good choices and have your own happily ever after…

Lesson #1: Remember that it isn’t your job to make your spouse happy. Your job is to help create an environment in which your spouse can be happy. That means get your act together and be a dependable partner. That means don’t create unnecessary stress or conflict in your marriage. That means genuinely love and encourage your spouse. After that, whether or not they are happy is up to them.

Lesson #2: It helps immensely if you and your spouse have a spiritual practice. Your choice of religion doesn’t really matter. Simply following any spiritual teaching that reinforces the importance of love, compassion and forgiveness, will inspire both of you to treat each other far better than you would otherwise.

Lesson #3: If you are married, that fact should be part of your public persona. Wear your wedding ring. Talk about your spouse in glowing terms to your colleagues and friends. Being married should be part of who you are.

Lesson #4: You can always find someone smarter, more attractive or more successful than your spouse. Remember: your spouse can do the same. “Affair proof” your marriage by telling your spouse regularly how highly you think of them. A daily dose of positive reinforcement goes a long way.

Lesson #5: Frequent physical intimacy is necessary for a happy marriage. Don’t make it complicated. You don’t need outfits, pornography, role playing, threesomes, spouse swapping, BDSM or anything else. You only need to give your spouse your undivided attention, caring and acceptance. It requires nothing more and nothing less.

Lesson #6: If your daily communications with your spouse are limited to the Costco list and your children’s soccer practice schedules, then you both are going to be looking elsewhere for a romantic charge. Flirt with your spouse, not your co-workers or the Starbucks barista.

Lesson #7: Dating does not end on your wedding day. When you go out with your spouse, act like it is your first date. Put on a great outfit, hold hands and make interesting conversation. Don’t save your best self for others. Give your best self to your spouse.

Lesson #8: If you are married, you have an obligation to take care of your appearance. You are the person who is most closely associated with your spouse, and you shouldn’t be an embarrassment to them. You don’t have to look like Kate Upton or Will Smith. You just have to look your best.

Lesson #9: There is no glory in remaining in a bad marriage. No one is going to give you a gold sticker or saint you. Worse yet, your kids ultimately may not thank you for it. So choose how and with whom you spend your time on this earth wisely.

Lesson #10: People stay in marriages for many reasons. For their children. For money. For convenience. For ambition, political or otherwise. But you will find no greater joy than being married solely for love.

Over the years, I’ve learned that marriage is not for the faint of heart. It requires a level of maturity and selflessness that most people don’t possess when they first say, “I do.” However, if you are patient and work hard at it, the rewards of a happy marriage are immeasurable.

Curated By Timothy

Original Article

Lubing Up Your Relationship: 5 Steps For Better Communication

April 6, 2015January 22, 2024 by Frankie Symmsin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex

We’ve all been there–unexpected friction, dryness, and chafing, preventing us and our significant other from reaching completion. We can try to push through, hoping that mere effort will win the day. We can give up, hoping that the same problem won’t plague us on our next attempt. Or we can take action by applying a restorative balm and rescuing ourselves from discomfort and failure.

While the above could certainly refer to the physical act of lovemaking, it also applies to the less salacious aspects of a relationship as well. Communication is the non-sexual lubricant that every romantic partnership needs to flourish.

Naturally, not all communication is created equal. Just like sticky drugstore lube is no match for a designer water-based brand, some communication will set your relationship back rather than helping you and your partner to grow and flourish together.

Here are some tips to keep your communication–and your relationship–silky smooth.

Keep Communication Smooth

In our hyper-connected world, sometimes it can be tough to make sure you’re making time for high-quality, in-person communication with your partner. If your communication has dwindled to a few pleasantries over breakfast, an occasional flurry of daytime texts, and a couple of exhausted attempts to chat before bed, it may be time to reconsider your approach. Set aside a special “date night” every week and pledge not to look at your phone—you’ll be surprised how much you still have to talk about! Alternatively, set up a short weekly “check-in” with your partner to make sure you’re communicating about household issues, personal growth and work goals, and see how that impacts the amount of communication you have with each other throughout the day. If time is an issue, look for activities you can do together to maximize your opportunity to chat—exercise, cook a meal, take a class.

Honesty Lubrication

Whether you’re discussing pop culture, division of household duties, or finances, it’s always a good idea to be truthful. This establishes a baseline of trust and accountability between partners, and in addition, eliminates potential sources for conflict before they arise. If you and your other half have different communication styles, acknowledge this openly, and figure out ways you can both feel heard, but still comfortable.

Glide into kindness

When you and your partner first started dating, it’s likely that you both let compliments fly fast and furious. However, it’s easy to forget how good it feels to give and receive compliments once the initial rush of a new relationship has worn off and both partners get caught up in the grind of daily life. A simple “hey, handsome” or comment about an attractive outfit can go a long way to injecting some fun back into the relationship, and praise for a job well-done, whether it’s mopping the floor or closing a deal at work, is always a boost.

Keep Language Smooth

What you may think of as a playful joke may come across to your partner as a thoughtless comment or worse, a harsh criticism. Keep an eye out for unexpected reactions and be proactive in asking whether or not you’ve said something to upset your partner. This is a two way street—if you’re on the receiving end of not-so-nice behavior, make sure your partner knows how you feel so you can work toward interactions that make everyone happy.

Soothing the Rough Edges

All couples experience disagreements, arguments, and fights, but the couples who stay together approach these difficult times as opportunities for growth rather than a death knell for the relationship. If emotions are running high, don’t be afraid to ask for a temporary “cease fire” so everyone can calm down and think more rationally about how to solve the problem. Find ways to balance negative feedback with positive and enter into any discussion willing to accept constructive criticism as well as dishing it out. If you can’t get on the same page as your partner on an important issue, consider seeking counseling—sometimes a neutral, third party can ease the way to a resolution.

When in doubt, just remind yourself: the couple that talks together stays together!

10 Ways to Get More Intimate With Your Partner

April 7, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin SEX TIPS

Honesty and communication make up the foundation for a healthy relationship. But, what exactly does it take to achieve these things? According to certified Sexologist Jaiya Hanauer, there are 10 important ways to build intimacy and make a deeper connection with your partner.

1. MAKING EYE CONTACT

The eyes are the doorways to a connected sex life. Although it may feel a little funny at first, making eye contact during sex tells your partner that all your attention is on him. It builds trust, which ultimately leads to a stronger sexual and emotional bond.

2. TOUCHING

Touching each other throughout the day builds longing for each other. Massaging, stroking, and caressing all produces oxytocin, which is the bonding chemical. To build a deeper connection, try touching each other without having sex. Build up the tension for a few days to make your next intimate an explosive encounter.

3. BREATHING

We do it automatically everyday but most of us don’t realize that breathing is a way to heighten pleasure and arousal. When you breathe deeper, you bring more oxygen into the body, which allows you to be aroused at greater heights. Alternating your breath as you breathe into each other’s mouths is an intimate exercise that has been used in ancient traditions as a way to share the soul.

4. EXPLICIT TALK

The simple act of sending a sweet text message or complimenting your lover can send blood rushing into the genitals. Not only does it build anticipation, but will also keep your partner thinking about you all day.

5. SETTING THE SCENE

Nothing breaks the mood like cell phones blaring and clutter all over your bedroom. Set the scene for intimacy with sensual music, candles, clean sheets and a shift in environment. Don’t limit intimacy to the bedroom only, you can also create a stage for an encore performance in the living room or kitchen. Think of sex as a theatrical piece—you need the right lighting, right mood and sets. Stimulating your creativity as you prepare actually stimulates the sexual drive.

6. DOING SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY

Taking the time out to do things for your lover that shows that you care and respect his feelings is very important. Plan to go to his favorite restaurant, run a simple errand for him or cook him an exquisite meal. Doing something for him out of the blue will surely increase the love he has for you.

7. TRYING SOMETHING NEW

Many couples get into patterns when it comes to sex. To break free of the bedroom doldrums, do something adventurous. Take a class together at a sex boutique, go skydiving or do something else that you have never done in bed before, but have always wanted to try.

8. SENSUAL FEATS

Creating a romantic dinner together with specific foods can actually form deeper bonds. Chocolate, for example, contains the chemical Phenethylamine (PEA) which is responsible for the feeling of being in love. Avocados boost both the male and female libido.

9. ROLE PLAYING

Using your imagination always gives a great boost to your sex life. If you consciously take on a fantasy role in the bedroom, the level of intimacy is heightened when you come back to your more traditional roles in the relationship. Try role-playing as an erotic masseuse and client or as a captor and captive.

10. ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE VULNERABLE

In today’s world, women are becoming stronger than ever and it takes a lot to let down our guards, especially if we’ve been hurt before. But, letting the walls around you melt and allowing your partner to penetrate you emotionally and physically are some of the best things you can do in a relationship. Share your deepest feelings with him and allow him to get to know all the different facets of your personality.

Curated by Erbe

Original Article

Everyday Secrets of Happy Couples

April 7, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin LOVE

Relationships take work…but also crazy fun. These secrets to maintaining a happy relationship will not only strengthen the bond between you and your partner, but you’ll have a little bit of fun to go with it!

The Scientifically Proven Best Way To Kiss

April 8, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin Watch

I think we can all agree that when it comes to love and romance, it definitely takes two to tango. Sometimes, from the moment you lock eyes with that guy you’ve been crushing on, it can be hard to think about anything else except when you’ll have the perfect fairytale. But according to Buzzfeed’s video, a staggering 59% of students “have said their initial attraction ended after the first kiss.”:

Even though it sounds crazy (and a bit ridiculous, to be honest) that a kiss was the be-all end-all for some, it sort of makes sense. No matter how head over heels we are for someone, having anot so satisfactory kiss would put a damper on things. But if you’ve been wondering what tips and tricks will send sparks everytime, learning how to kiss the right way (according to science!) is the first step.

Girls, not only is eye contact a major difference between a dud and a success, employing tactics that’ll make it last will work in your favor. After all, “Your lips have one of the largest concentration of nerves than anywhere else on the body. These nerves send millions of signals to both you and your partners brains, releasing a rush of feel good hormones…This hormonal and chemical exchange will help you and your partner decide to pursue something more.”

So get ready to pucker up and put your skills to the test.

Original Article

How Much Sex is Healthy?

April 8, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin Sex

Dancing the Horizontal Mambo

As a sexual addiction and intimacy disorders specialist, I am often asked about the frequency of sex. Couples want to know what is “healthy.” Usually, they’re afraid they’re either having way too much sex or not nearly enough. Either way, it’s a legitimate concern that can easily lead to stress, anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues and even the end of an otherwise successful relationship. A quick online search will bring up a huge volume of statistics — most of them not scientifically generated — regarding the frequency of sex among long-term, committed couples. The numbers presented in these “studies” vary widely, depending on the source and what the author is trying to promote. So in this instance, Google, Yahoo, Bing and similar search engines are somewhat useless.

Probably the best source for scientifically reliable data on this topic comes fromGeneral Social Survey, which has tracked American sexual behaviors since the 1970s. According to the GSS, married couples have sex an average of 58 times per year. However, this number lumps 25-year-old newlyweds into the same pool as senior citizens who’ve celebrated their golden anniversary, and it does not include unmarried long-term couples. There may or may not be much difference in the sexual behaviors of married and unmarried committed couples, but there is almost certainly a difference between young newlyweds and their grandparents, which means the 58 times per year number is not overly-meaningful. Recent GSS surveys support this assertion, showing that couples in their 20s have sex 111 times per year on average, with frequency dropping steadily, about 20 percent per decade, as couples age. In other words, young couples have sex slightly more than twice per week on average, with the number declining steadily over time.

OMG! My Numbers Are Off!

If you just read the statistics provided above and thought, “Uh-oh, there is something wrong with me/us,” you’re not alone. Maybe you and your partner have done it 10 times this week and it’s only Tuesday, or maybe you’ve not been physically intimate since your neighbor’s last Fourth of July party. Either way, there is no need to freak out. You’re not necessarily hyper-sexed if you’re well above the norm, nor are you automatically under-sexed if you’re far below the norm. Human sexual arousal patterns cut a very wide swath in terms of what people like to do and how often they like to do it. And frequency of sexual arousal and behavior can be influenced by any number of factors, including:
• Age
• Life circumstances
• Physical and emotional health
• Medications
• Having children at home
• Hormonal imbalance
• Recent losses and grief
• Substance use and abuse
• Workload and stress
• Relationship status
• A history of previous trauma or abuse
• Diminished physical attraction and a corresponding lack of intimacy
• Secrets and lack of relationship trust

The simple truth is that everyone is different and there is not a “norm” for sexual behavior. Some people are heterosexual; others are homosexual or bisexual. Some people are into a fetish or kink; others are relatively “vanilla.” Some people like to get it on a lot; others can take it or leave it. That’s the way it is, that’s who we are and there is nothing inherently right or wrong with any of it. As long as your sexual behavior (or lack of it) isn’t illegal, affecting your self-esteem, troubling to your relationship or leading to negative life consequences, why worry?

Sexless and Happy? Really? Sure. Maybe.

People who are having a lot of sex are usually pretty OK with that. Typically, they only worry about things if they are sexually addicted and their carnal compulsivity is causing problems. Frankly, most couples who worry about frequency of sex tend to fear their frequency is significantly below the curve, so to speak. This is especially true for couples who qualify as “sexless.”

Generally speaking, a sexless marriage is one in which a committed couple has sex less than 10 times per year. About 15 to 20 percent of long-term couples fall into this category. This may or may not be an issue, depending on the couple. Some couples, especially older pairs who’ve been together a long time, are perfectly fine with once or twice a year or even not at all, thank you very much. Not having sex doesn’t mean these couples aren’t deeply in love, monogamously committed and happy together. It just means that sex isn’t as high a priority for them as it is for some of their friends, neighbors or people they see on TV and in the movies.

That said, many couples do find infrequent sex to be an issue. In fact, numerousstudies have shown that lack of sex corresponds directly with marital instability and thoughts of leaving a relationship. Sometimes one person’s sex drive just doesn’t match his or her partner’s sex drive. This issue often arises in couples counseling. Sometimes both partners want to be sexual, but one (or both) is not interested in sex with his or her spouse. This can be caused by any number of factors, including lingering resentments, lack of emotional intimacy, diminished physical attraction, differing sexual interests, etc. Lack of sexual interest may also be the result of an underlying psychological condition such as depression, anxiety, drug or alcohol addiction, a behavioral addiction, low self-esteem, unresolved childhood trauma, an attachment deficit disorder, etc. And there is always the possibility that one partner may be having an affair. Let’s face it: If a person is getting his or her sexual needs met on the side (with regular porn use or in-vivo), he or she is likely to be less interested in sex at home.

Should You Be Worried?

Happily, less sex does not automatically equate to less love, happiness and fulfillment. For most couples, especially those who’ve been together for a number of years, companionship, reliability and a sense of mutual trust are far more meaningful than a lot of hot, sweaty sex. Sure, there are couples out there who’ve been married for 30 years who’re still hot for each other, and good for them. For the rest of us, our libidos tend to droop in tandem with our aging body parts. Diminishing hormone levels, the aging process
and the distractions of life tend to lower our sex drives (and our ability to perform), and there’s not a whole lot we can do about it.

Of course, if you and your partner have gone several weeks or even months without sex and the lack of activity is troubling you, you may want to consider some changes. Usually a little bit of effort is enough to revive a flagging sex life, especially if the emotional connection between you and your partner remains strong. Often in such cases the real issue is that things have gone a little stale. If you find that to be the case in your relationship, try one or more of the following tips:

• Schedule it. Sure, this sounds horribly unromantic, but really it’s quite the opposite. Setting aside and committing to a time to be emotionally and physically intimate gives you and your partner something to look forward to. Plan a relaxing shower and mutual massage as part of foreplay. After all, who doesn’t look forward to a massage? Couples who search together for the right scent of massage oil are off to a great start.
• Mix it up. Perhaps you’ve always had that special secret fantasy, but you’ve never mentioned it or acted on it. Now is the time to talk about it with your partner. Who knows, maybe he or she is willing to try it. And be sure to ask about his or her secret fantasy. It might be a turn-on for you, too. Just make sure that if you both say yes, you really mean to say yes. No regrets, please.
• Go away. If you’ve always done it in the bedroom, try the kitchen, or a hotel, or a cruise ship, or a cabin in the woods. It’s amazing what a little change of venue can do for a stale sex life. Many couples take frequent weekends or holidays just for this purpose.
• Be romantic. Give your partner a gift “just because.” Write a list of things you love about your partner and give it to him or her. Plan a surprise date that involves an activity you know your partner enjoys (even if it’s not your favorite thing to do). Take your art-lover wife to a museum, your sports-junkie husband to a pro football game.

It is also important to recognize that you and your partner can be physically intimate without actually having sex. Holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes, cuddling, spooning, massage and just taking the time to listen to your loved one’s feelings can all serve to build emotional closeness. Plus, all of the above are terrific forms of sexual foreplay should you wish to go all the way.

Still Striking Out?

If you’ve tried the above tips and things still aren’t happening, you may want to seek the assistance of a medical doctor and/or a couple’s counselor. It is wise to rule out any potential physical or medical problems before considering relationship-based or psychological issues. If the problem is physical- – erectile dysfunction, for instance — medication may help. If it turns out the problem is not medical/physical, trained sex therapists can talk you through the emotional and psychological issues that may be holding you back. These caring professionals can be found via websites likewww.aasect.org.

The most important thing to remember here is that sex is not the be-all, end-all in relationships. Yes, it is a healthy way for couples to bond emotionally. As such, a regular sex life can be an important contributor to overall health and happiness. That said, non-genital touch, massage, hugs, holding, talking and emotional intimacy are every bit as effective as sex in terms of developing closeness and relationship trust. They just come without any fireworks at the end. As long as both partners in a relationship are open about their feelings and physical needs and both are satisfied with the frequency and quality of their sexuality, the couple can not only survive, but thrive.

Curated by Erbe

Original Article

Reasons to Have More Sex

April 9, 2015January 22, 2024 by Michael Warshauerin Sex

Ok, you don’t really need reasons, but we’ve got a few anyway! Sex isn’t just pleasurable, there are numerous physical and mental health benefits that come with it. So what are you waiting for? Follow these instructions and get busy!

9 Wordless Ways Someone Says, “I Love You”

April 13, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin LOVE

Longing to hear, “I love you” from someone special? Try watching his or her body language instead. Some 60 to 90 percent of the meaning of our communication is delivered nonverbally — and in romantic situations, this jumps to 99 percent, says anthropologist David Givens, director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington, and author of Love Signals.

“When it comes to emotions, our bodies do the talking more than words,” Givens says.

Here are nine surprising (and wordless) ways the body telegraphs, “I love you.”

Love sign #1: Shoulder rolls or shrugs

Who knew the shoulders were one of the more expressive parts of the body? Thanks to their rounded shape, smooth skin, and ability to move — shrugging, lifting, rolling — the shoulders are able to convey emotional nuances remarkably well, Givens says. Rolling a shoulder, in particular, reads as a gesture of affection or flirtatiousness.

Unlike some other large muscles, the upper trapezius has special “gut reactive” visceral nerves that are sensitive to your emotions. (Think about how your shoulders sag in defeat and shake when you cry.) The biceps, as a contrasting example, rely on somatic nerves, which help those muscles do intentional tasks, like lift weights. “The biceps aren’t very emotionally expressive,” Givens notes.

(Ladies, try a sleeveless top on that big date to help your shoulders do the talking.)

Love sign #2: Mirroring your actions

You splay your right fingers around your coffee cup; so does he. You take a sip; he takes a sip. Anthropologists call this synchrony of actions “isopraxism” (iso being Greek for “same” andpraxism meaning “behavior”). Couples tend to do this unconsciously as they fall in love; their bodies can’t help themselves.

Mirroring behaviors are a strong element in the courtship rituals of all animals that use courtship, Givens says. A female mallard hen, for example, swims close to her male target and bobs her heads in the water until he copies her, and they do this back and forth until they mate. The behavior demonstrates that neither is threatening to the other, allowing them to get closer.

“The more alike you are, the more you like each other,” Givens says. “It strengthens your bond.”

Love sign #3: Locked eyes

If an object of attraction gazes deep into your eyes, your heart just may skip a beat. Eye contact is a potent emotional link — in ordinary circumstances, both parties feel a strong urge to break a gaze after three seconds. (People make less eye contact when they dislike each other, feel intimidated, or disagree.)

But if you like someone, you tend to hold the gaze for an extra few beats without even being aware of it. This says, “I’m really, really interested in you.”

Like most of the nonverbal communications that express love to other adults, the tendency to gaze long and hard at a beloved is rooted in the caring ways that parents treat children, Givens says. Mothers tend to gaze longer at babies than adults because they’re so interested in them and need to be attentive to them; in this way we grow up associating a long gaze with love.

Love sign #4: Sitting close by

Does your loved one move in close to you — maybe your hips touch when you sit side by side, or your knees knock into his or hers when you sit across from each other?

“Reducing the distance between you and the other person is a strong way our bodies send a message of love,” says Jamie Comstock, a professor of communication at Butler University in Indianapolis.

Someone in love almost can’t help the urge to be physically near his or her object of affection. When you’re drawn to someone, it’s almost literal: Often the body knows the attraction before any words of love have been exchanged, Comstock says.

Love sign #5: Head tilts

When you’re talking, watch your listener. Does he or she cock his or her head, either to the left or right? In a friendship, a tilted head fosters rapport. In courtship, it reads as flirtatiousness.

Leaning the head toward the shoulder connotes harmlessness and submissiveness, the Center for Nonverbal Studies’ David Givens says, which makes the relationship “softer.” As with the shoulder muscles, the muscles involved in tilting the head are controlled by visceral nerves, which are equipped to reflect emotion. A tilted head is a gesture that adds warmth and immediacy to the dialogue between you. Subtle? Yes. But like many aspects of body language, these cues speak volumes about the relationship.

Love sign #6: A fingertip caress

Being lightly, casually touched — on your shoulder, your forearm, the back of your neck, a little side hug — instantly registers in the brain as warmth and reassurance.

The emotional centers of the brain register touch more quickly than messages that come through the language center, Givens says. The touch doesn’t have to be long to register as warm and reassuring. (This kind of touch is different from having breasts or genitals touched in a nonsexual situation, which sends a confusing message rather than a simple “I love you.”)

“The presence of touch is a sign of affection because it sends a message of inclusion: I want to be closer to you,” says Butler University’s Jamie Comstock. “You can say, ‘I love you’ 30 times a day, but if you only touch the person minimally — rarely hug, kiss, or show appropriate physical affection — that ‘I love you’ will ring pretty hollow to him or her,” she says.

Best of all, touching is a shared message: “The fingertips are extremely sensitive to touch, so you get a good message right back,” Givens says.

Love sign #7: Rapid eye blinking

Is she batting her eyelashes at you? Does he look especially vulnerable and cute — because he’s blinking? The normal rate of eye blinking in humans is 20 times a minute. Faster blinking indicates emotional stress — such as when the person is attracted.

“We blink faster when excited because eyelid movements reflect bodily arousal levels established by the brain stem’s reticular activating system (RAS),” Givens says. The result: a chain reaction. Emotions from the limbic system stimulate the RAS to act on the brain to release the chemical dopamine in a part of the midbrain connected to the eyes.

A warning about reading the right message into this signal, though: A faster blink rate is also triggered when the speaker is lying.

Love sign #8: A warm smile

Smiles warm our hearts — but not any old smile is a sign of affection. What to look for: a genuine smile (called a “zygomatic smile”), the kind that can’t easily be faked because it’s produced not on demand but by pure emotion. In heartfelt smiles, the zygomaticus muscles are strongly contracted, so that corners of the mouth curve upward and the outer corners of the eyes wrinkle into crow’s feet. Pay attention to the eyes: In a genuine smile, they tend to be crinkled more tightly.

The face is more expressive than any other part of the body because all facial muscles are controlled by visceral nerves, which are connected to emotions. Some people say they can see their dog or cat smile, but these animals have little facial flexibility compared with our evolutionary kin the primates, who developed this ability in order to communicate. Reptiles, in comparison, can’t move their features at all, save to open their mouths.

Love sign #9: A higher-pitched and softer voice than usual

Notice how a parent talks to a child: The voice takes on a slightly higher, warmer tone — not loud, no edge to it. This same love-infused relationship is the model for the tone that people in love use. It’s a softer pitch than usual. “It’s innately friendly,” Given says, “and suggests a nonaggressive, nonhostile pose.”

That doesn’t mean that if your crush isn’t speaking to you in baby talk or falsetto, he or she doesn’t love you. The tone of a voice in love isn’t that exaggerated. It’s simply more loving.

The tone of voice is so important — and so revealing — because we “hear” the way words are delivered separately from how we process the words themselves. Tone of voice carries both emotion (love, hate, anger) and social information (sarcasm, superiority).

In fact, humans are so good at reading voices that you should probably trust what you hear in the tone more than the words themselves — especially when that “I love you” rolls off the tongue of the object of your affection. Comstock says, “When there’s a discrepancy between the words and the tone” — whether it’s detached, monotonal, defensive, sarcastic — “people believe the nonverbal.”

Curated by Erbe

Original Article

6 Benefits of Cuddling With Your Partner

April 15, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

Making time to cuddle with your spouse before and after great sex can do wonders for your marriage.

Did you know that your skin is the largest organ on your body? Well it is and because it is you should be using it to benefit your marriage.

When your skin is in contact with your spouse’s skin through cuddling you will connect at a deeper level. This could be emotionally, spiritually, or physically.

Cuddling releases the hormone oxytocin, “the feel-good hormone”, which can lead to overall happiness.

It also releases endorphins, which are the same hormones that are released during a good workout.

Get ready because it’s time to enjoy cuddling with your spouse.

6 Benefits of Cuddling With Your Spouse

Improve Communication

Non-verbal communication makes up 93% of how you and your spouse interact with each other. By cuddling together there’s talk without the words.

Reduces Blood Pressure & Stress

The act of cuddling increase oxytocin “the feel-good” hormone”, which in turn reduces the risk of heart disease and stress levels. This can lower the chance of headaches and other ailments.

Sleep Better

Making time to cuddle with your spouse will help you sleep better. Recent studies have shown that cuddling may lower levels of Cortisol, which is released in response to stress. Less Cortisol in your body means better sleep for you.

Heightened Foreplay

To often you may go for the gusto when it comes to foreplay. Instead strip down and enjoy that skin on skin contact before moving forward. Allow yourself to physically be present in the moment as you bond, build trust, and companionship.

No Distractions

Take back your bedroom! Remember what your bed is intend for. Leave the book, TV, phone, tablet, and other items out of your bedroom. Cuddling helps to focus in on the two of you and not all the other stuff.

Improved Satisfaction

When couples engage in non-sexual touches regularly they are more satisfied in their marriage than those who don’t. (2006 Study by the Berman Center for Women’s Health in Chicago)

It’s now time for you to Cuddle Up in your marriage.

You have a deep desire to feel loved, to be connected at a deeper level.

It’s time to start doing the little things that make up that big thing called LOVE. Best of all cuddling is free!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Relationship Bliss in 10

April 21, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

1. They go to bed at the same time.
Remember when you first started dating and you couldn’t wait to cuddle and sleep next to each other? Well, don’t forget that! Going to sleep at the same time is a necessity. When you go to bed together, you’re promoting healthy relationship patterns.

2. They find common interests.
It’s important to really enjoy spending time together. He doesn’t need to share your love of reality TV, and you obviously don’t need to understand his adoration for ESPN, but you should have activities that the two of you look forward to doing as a couple. Whether it’s picking a new recipe to try every weekend, going for a run, or simply watching The Blacklist, find something fun to do consistently together.

3. They touch.
Small gestures like holding hands or putting your arm around each other increases closeness, which is always a factor in the lives of happy couples. When you hold hands, you’re subconsciously reminding yourself that you care about each other.

4. They don’t pointlessly nag.
Happy couples emphasize the positive things that their partner does. This means that if something is bothering you, you have a real conversation about it. Nitpicking, nagging, or criticizing are not the way to someone’s heart.

5. They embrace affection, continuing to kiss each other hello and say “I love you.”
Before you leave for work in the morning, give your partner a really great goodbye kiss and say I love you. When you come home from a long day, do it again. Your morning and evening greeting should be something that you look forward to. Once you start kissing and sharing your feelings often, you’ll appreciate each other more. People forget that the small things make a difference. When you begin your day with a loving gesture, you’re starting on a great note.

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Overseas Lovers & Secondary Adolescence

April 21, 2015January 22, 2024 by Alexandra Norrisin LOVE2 Comments

Moving overseas has a tendency to feel like a second adolescence. You wipe the slate and have a chance to try on different versions of yourself. It can be quite daunting navigating what feels like being an adult teenager. It is a cycle of losing and finding yourself until you find the right fit. If you choose to return to your nest from battle, you may find you are comforted by familiarity and perspective. Then, should you decide to return to where you did all your growing and shifting, you get to double down on new perspectives.

Here is my story on my second adolescence and some of the relationships I experienced.

I had a thing for Bens* around the time I moved to Australia. My first Ben came to me when I found my first apartment in Melbourne. My friends brought him along I was a little tipsy and I liked the way his beard felt, so I invited him to stay and promptly passed out. He was a perfect gentleman. We dated for four months (a good beard can get you places, apparently). He took me out for food, we wore sweatpants a lot, smoked marijuana, he taught me to play some music and we jammed together and we watched the TV show Weeds and had pretty fantastic sex. I met his family for passover and they were fantastic. After a while some cracks started to show. One day I felt homesick and I cried. His overwhelming sympathy consisted of a trip to his local pub and an invitation to stay behind if I felt like it. Another day, I found out my cat had died on my way to a football game with him, and I cried. He repeated the drill by walking a full meter in front of me while I wept and then we went to the game.

At a certain point, I realized I had never really felt fully connected to Ben #1, but I felt comfortable in those sweatpants, and was ever so far from home. I needed it.

My second Ben came after I left to do some travelling and working around the country. I came back to Melbourne a little shell shocked from some deep spiritual digging. I ended up at a party, and was chatted up by one of the coolest-looking Bens I’ve ever met. He was laid back, wore a winter hat even though it was warm. He worked at a cool bar and liked the same cool music I was into. He also made me feel very cool. He sent me a text before the night was over and took me out for dinner later in the week. He saw a photo of me with my mother in my wallet and told me I looked hot as though I should know it, which was not a feeling I was accustomed to, but it was very nice. We made out and he was the best kisser I had ever met until that point. I felt high when he pressed his lips against mine. He swept me off my feet about as swiftly as he ditched me for being “too intense.” Fair enough (a phrase he would exhaust even in the short time we knew one another). Everything felt more intense so far from home. Adolescence has a tendency to be a bit intense and I was on my second round of it.

It was at this point that I found a local hot yoga studio and discovered that they were offering a special discount for people insane enough to do it every day for a month, they even let me keep going for two months. I threw myself into hot breathing and stretching on the daily, and also discovered in Melbourne you can see a relationship counsellor on a weekly basis and payment is on a sliding scale. So if you were broke, like I had been, it was free. I recommend this for everyone who takes up a new life overseas. I started to feel functional as a human again and unpacked all of my baggage while not having to burden my friends with my anxious thought.

My counsellor reached out to me after I left Australia for home and told me she had moved on to another facility and told me that her own experiences mirrored some of my own. It was touching to learn that even the people meant to fix you can have their own version of the experiences that have felt so impactful.

A year outside of your comfort zone, meeting your own Bens and having some uncomfortable growing pains can provide cathartic benefits. Taking healthy risks affects our emotional intelligence in a way that is as unique and wonderful as it is terrifying. Go find your Bens and come back and tell me about it. I’ve moved on to other names but would love to hear about yours.

*Names have been changed.

10 Reasons Why You’ll Fall For The Funny Guy Every Time

April 24, 2015January 22, 2024 by Tatiana EL-Khouriin DATING ADVICE

Why is it when girls are asked what qualities they look for in a guy, most say a sense of humor?

There’s just something about a guy who makes you giggle like a little schoolgirl, and there’s a reason Seth Rogen never fails to steal our hearts in every movie.

Funny guys have a charm and electricity about them that is hard to deny. Below are the real reasons why the silly man will always have you hooked:

1. He never fails to entertain you.

Dating a guy with a good sense of humor never gets boring. He is spontaneous and will pull almost any stunt for a laugh. It makes things exciting because you have to be quick to keep up with him.

2. To be funny, a guy must be witty and creative: plus and plus!

If you ask any writer what the most difficult genre to write for is, he or she will most likely say comedy. Sure, anyone can tell a good ol’ fashion fart joke, but it takes a certain type of a genius to nail a punchline that will make you laugh until your belly hurts.

To be on his game, he must be quick on his feet and original. If your guy is truly funny, he probably has a vast knowledge of peculiar facts and an arsenal of voices to share them in.

3. He knows how to handle social situations.

Nothing eases up an awkward moment better than a good-hearted joke. He has made enough inappropriate wisecracks to know when the time is right to tease and when it is better to keep his mouth shut.

You no longer have to cringe about leaving your guy in a room alone with others. Part of being funny is knowing where everyone else is coming from. Building off others, he can find something in common that they can all chat or even chuckle about.

4. He is naturally very observant.

How is he going to poke fun at your “Hunger Games” poster unless he’s taken a moment to observe your room?

The reason comedians are so good at what they do is attributed to their keen sense of what’s going on around them and ability to find the absurdness in it. A good way to one-up his witty remarks is to thank him for noticing.

5. He makes you a better person.

You stressed out too much before he entered the picture; now he teaches you to laugh at life and yourself.

Your safety wall melts away when he is around, and when he makes a fool out of himself, you feel more comfortable to do the same. What is a sweeter love when you can both truly be yourself around each other?

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Dating Rules for the 21st Century

April 28, 2015January 22, 2024 by Lorraine Rockin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Does anybody actually date any more? It seems that dating rules may be an outmoded concept, but perhaps they shouldn’t be. Even if the way people meet in the electronic era may be quite different from 50 years ago, people still do meet, hang out and eventually pair up.

In 2012 a national survey published by a CDC affiliate concluded that though “people are marrying for the first time at older ages, and many adults co-habit with a partner”. In 2006–2010, the probability of first marriage by age 25 was still 44% for women ( a decrease of 25% from 1995) and by age 35 the probability of first marriage was 78% , by age 40 there was no significant change.

It would seem obvious that people are still finding love, and most of them still date, hang out or hook-up first.

Since it would seem that more people live together before marriage, and eventually marry (not necessarily the person they lived with, according to the data), does this mean that people are more sophisticated in their dating habits, or just more choosy? The third option is that people are just taking longer to grow up and take on adult responsibilities.

Updating the guidelines for how to meet a partner – and let’s face it, that’s what we are doing, however long it may last – probably has more to do with how we meet that when.

In the recent past, probably still in your parents’ generation, most people met through work, friends or family. Someone actually knew the person you met. (Of course there have always been casual hook-ups in bars or at parties, but these encounters were less likely to produce an actual date!). In the electronic age people have a much wider menu of options, in addition to the traditional ones, all of these options still need some navigating, and a road map (or GPS) is always useful.

Many cautionary tales have been written already on being careful how we meet through electronic media, and I won’t re-state them here. In fact, these rules fall into some logical groups:

Always find out who you are really speaking to;
Meet first in a public place;
Be yourself, but be sparing with personal information.

These guidelines actually make logical sense no matter how you meet!

Now that we’ve met, how do we present ourselves? What are the guidelines for behaviour in the modern era? Dating rules for previous generations had people putting on their very best selves, and presenting a persona that probably did not exist at all. I would suggest that this is actually a recipe for failure. As the song lyric goes “be yourself”, not every date turns into a romance, but could be the possibility of a new friendship.

Trying to find out how compatible you are, without sounding like you are interviewing for a mate, can be tricky. Using a tactic from the business world may help here. Active listening, as opposed to just hearing, means paying attention to what the person is saying, and giving gentle prompts, to keep them talking. I am a natural blabbermouth, so I know how hard this can be for some of us. Sure the other party wants to know about you, but dole it out in small doses, they don’t need to know everything on the first date.

It has been said that charismatic personalities have a knack of making the other person feel fascinating, as though they are the only person in the room. They do this largely through making eye contact (not staring, that just creepy!) and paying attention, i.e. Active Listening!

This also means that you learn a lot more about the other person, and they will probably find you fascinating too. Hopefully they will also listen when its your turn, but if they don’t that will give you some valuable insights into their personality as well.

Our parents had rules about how far to “go” on dates. Though this may seem old-fashioned it had it’s merits. Getting to know someone before falling into bed with them has been shown to lead to a better relationship. Introducing sex into the equation too soon may lead to the intimacy taking over. Its not about prudery, but caution. If the sex is mind-blowing, then that’s probably all you will do! ( Many couples have found that when good sex wanes there isn’t anything else.) If the encounter is less than stellar it will probably lead to a quick end to any kind of relationship, and you may lose the opportunity to make a new friend.

Making a new friend may sound like a boring goal for dating, but it has been shown that having friends, of both genders, leads to a happier and more fulfilling life. Keeping the initial dates light and friendly takes the “shopping for a mate” aspect out of the way, and may actually lead to a better experience.

Continuing with that theme, what do you do on a first date? Experts suggest that you meet for coffee, or at best lunch. This places fewer expectations on both parties, and limits the amount of time you spend together. Most people find that you know almost immediately if there is a reason to meet again. Trust your instincts, this is the theory on which Speed-Dating is based. In the business world it is said that you make a decision about a candidate in the first six seconds! That may be extreme, not everyone is a star right out of the gate.

So who pays? Accoring to old-fashioned etiquette, s/he who made the invitation should pay. Of course if you are just meeting for coffee or lunch it probably isn’t a big question. After the first date I would suggest you do what you would do with a friend of the same gender, split the check, or offer to pay – and “you can get it next time”.

As far as continuing the relationship, how about deciding if there is going to be a next time, at the time? I may be naive, but honesty really is the best policy. If you just didn’t hit it off, don’t agree to meet again, and guys, please, drop the “I’ll call you” line if you don’t mean it! A simple , “it was a pleasure to meet you, see you around” should get the message across.

References:

His Past Didn’t Destroy a Chance at Love

May 4, 2015January 22, 2024 by Dan Madoniain LOVE

My name is Dan Madonia and I am in an adult relationship. Which if you don’t know me is an incredible feat. Before my girlfriend, there were things I would do for a sandwich that I wouldn’t do for someone of the fairer sex. I wasn’t exactly sensitive to those around me, a girl once broke up with me and I didn’t even know we were dating (which is the ultimate situation of not knowing what you got until its gone.)

My parents weren’t the best of examples either, my father is a touring professional comedian who my mother only had sex with ONCE and didn’t let me know he was the father until I was twelve years old. I wouldn’t say that I have daddy issues though; the presence of my mother screwed me up way more than the absence of my father. My mother is a retired adult entertainer with more credits than I can list. Which is a hard nut for a lot of people to swallow. Most people have trouble coming to grips with the fact that their parents had even had sex once, I had to come grips with that’s how my toys were paid for. That will make you think twice before asking for stuff for Christmas. I wasn’t completely left without a father figure though, my mom did hook up with her acid dealer when I was two years old and they embarked on what can only be explained as a twenty-year case of Stockholm syndrome. Who the actual hostage was though, is still up for interpretation.

With that tremendous backing cast. you are ultimately going to end up a little screwed up and come up with a few twisted theories on what love and relationships are like. I grew up believing that relationships were like driving in the carpool lane.

1.) You can’t do it alone,

2.) There are heavy fines for getting in and out at the wrong time and

3.) Once you are in it you are sitting there watching everyone else go by, thinking “What the hell? This was supposed to be better.”

Thinking like this is not the best way to end up running down the aisle. But here I am, in an adult relationship with everything that comes complete in the adult relationship do-it-yourself kit like a dog, decorative soap and re-runs of Everybody Loves Raymond. How does that happen?

Get over it.

It is the answer for everything. Get over it. Its not easy and I know this but in order for any relationship to succeed both people are going to have things to get over. For my girlfriend and me it was my past thoughts but for you it might be someone’s sleep apnea machine, someone’s technology obsession, someone’s mean Doberman or someone’s Doberman-like mother. Of course you aren’t going to be able to get over everything instantly but that is what a relationship is about, bringing two perspectives together and making each of yourselves better. There are going to be fights and bumps in the road but if you truly love one another you will be able to see from your partner’s eyes and get through your problems. For example, earlier this week my girlfriend was mad at me because I am immature, but all at the same time I was mad at her because she isn’t a power ranger…In the end we both had to get over it.

10 Things Women Don’t Know About Their Bodies

May 4, 2015January 22, 2024 by zfortadminin Sex

How well do you know your body?

Bras fit differently depending on the stage of their Menstrual Cycle.
Consuming a lot of sugar can make you more prone to Yeast Infections.
Women permanently have full breasts, other mammals only have full breasts when they are breastfeeding.
Stay well hydrated can help keep your vagina lubricated it might help your vagina have a milder smell and taste.
Cranberries might be beneficial to your bladder. They can keep bacteria from sticking to the walls of your bladder.
Some women can feel when they are ovulating. It’s a pain felt only on one side in the abdominal area.
Wearing high heels might cause bunions. Bone growth develops on the base joint of the large toe, causing the big toe to angle in.
Women are born with 1 million immature eggs in their ovaries but only 300 – 500 of them will mature between the first period and menopause.

Curated by Erbe
Original Video