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Sharing Milk

by Amy Albertin RELATIONSHIPS

Breast milk is amazing, it’s full of antibodies, and helps babies develop, and there have even been studies recently that show breastmilk can help cure some kinds of cancer.

Recently on the website LittleThings an Australian mom named Meg Nagle posted a picture on Facebook of her breast feeding her nephew while her sister was away at work, and the baby was very hungry. Meg had the milk, and didn’t think twice about it. It should also be mentioned that Meg is a lactation consultant who happens to know a thing or two about the subject, and also got permission from her sister beforehand. Oddly (please note the sarcasm here) people lost their minds over it, and it caused a firestorm of Internet remarks, some that were supportive, and many others that were not.

So why do people have such strong opinions about this? Wet nursing as a concept has been around for hundreds of years, and women donating their milk to infants in orphanages, or simply to other mothers who for whatever reason can’t breast feed, or produce enough of their own milk. Breast milk is amazing, it’s full of antibodies, and helps babies develop, and there have even been studies recently that show breastmilk can help cure some kinds of cancer. So why does the idea of a woman who is not the baby’s mother breastfeeding them freak us out so much?

Maybe it’s because in America boobs are sacred, sexual, hidden images for the most part, and viewing them as a source of food for a newly born human isn’t sexy. Americans LOVE our sexy, but not if it’s served with a side of breast milk. A friend of mine just the other day asked me after I remarked on how sad my breasts will be after I’m done nursing my baby in a few months said, “well, yeah, but you don’t really care about that, right? I mean, their real purpose is to feed your child, and you did that!” She’s right, I did do that. I fed my daughter from my breasts just as I was supposed to. Good job boobs! But if I’m being honest with myself, I still don’t want my once perky, small nippled, perfectly sized C’s to look bad! My husband is a big fan of my boobs, and I worry he won’t be attracted to me after they stop producing milk and I wake up with what can only be described at “porn star D’s”. Will my breasts resemble a hastily discarded sock puppet, thrown to the side by a child who has no interest in playing with is anymore? Is that even a thing? Even the thought of that makes me have panic sweat. Oh great, so I’ll have pancake boobs on top of my flop sweat. Not sexy.

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7 Steps for Loving Someone With a Mental Illness

by RJ Newellin LOVE

Are you constantly worried about your partner’s mental illness? Are you afraid that things will never get better?

The National Alliance on Mental Illness states that 1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental illness this year. 1 in 17 people continue to live with chronic mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or major depression. The chances are pretty high that you will fall in love with someone who suffers from a mental illness or mood disorder. It’s also extremely likely that you’ll both find unexpected obstacles on the road to happy endings. No love story is complete without a few bumps in the road, but mental illnesses can throw a lot of unexpected hurdles into the mix.

That said, I’m here to deliver good news.

Your relationship is not doomed. The very fact that you’re reading this article is a sign that you care deeply about your partner, and that is immensely valuable. You are taking time to do your research. That’s important. The more you know about mental illness, the better off you’ll be in overcoming it together.

More good news:

If your partner suffers from a mood disorder or mental illness, this does not make them weak. Behind every “I’m fine” lives a special kind of strength that’s not common for the average person. That said, If your partner is not aware of their own mental illness, or you feel they are endangering you or themselves, stop reading and help them find professional help immediately. If your partner is emotionally, mentally or physically abusive toward you, get as far away as possible.

This article is not meant to diagnose or treat mental illness. It’s about loving someone in active recovery. I’m going to assume, for the sake of this article, that your partner loves you and wants to make you happy. Your partner wants to overcome their illness. And they’re trying.

I’m trying.

The morning after a difficult night, my brain sounds a little like this: I feel so ashamed of my [meltdown/episode/panic attack/etc]. I wish he didn’t have to see that. I want to be better. I want to make my partner as happy as he makes me. I would love to go the rest of my life without this happening again…but what if it does? What if I never get better?

And then my partner wakes up and says he loves me. And I find strength. My mind discards my toxic thoughts and decides: I will keep fighting – for both of us. Opening my heart to my partner and committing to making him happy was the biggest decision I ever made. I worried my issues would make me unlovable, that it would become too much for him. I still deal with those fears. But time and time again, my partner proves me wrong. He reminds me that he’s in this, with me.

Mental illness has not made us weaker than the average couple. I think it’s made us stronger.

Now, you may be wondering –If your partner struggles being happy, how can you be happy together? If your lover is afraid to leave the house, how will you go on adventures? If they suffer panic attacks when you feel everything is going well, what’s going to happen when life throws in new challenges? 

It’s a learning process. My partner didn’t always know how to cope, and in many ways we’re still learning. But in spite of the struggles we’ve faced, our relationship has been overwhelmingly happy.

Many people confuse need with neediness. Know the difference: If a person has an asthma attack, you give them an inhaler. If a person has a panic attack, the antidote is equally important. This may be my battle, but I’m not the only one fighting. And that has made all the difference.

As the partner of a person with a mental illness, you are also at war. Here are your weapons.

Step 1: Know your enemy.

Understand your partner’s illness – causes, symptoms, and recommended treatments. Most mental illnesses can be overcome. Your partner most likely isn’t “crazy” – they’re a regular person who needs help overcoming trauma or negative childhood programming. Understanding this can be the difference between alienating your partner and growing closer with them. If they go to therapy, show your support by encouraging them. Talk with them about what they’re going through. And if you both go to therapy, that’s even better. For your partner, knowing that you’ve got their back is a huge deal. And the more you know about the monster, the better equipped you’ll be to fight it. This means becoming familiar with your partners emotional triggers, coping strategies, and what they need in moments of crisis.

Step 2: Don’t leave your partner in the battlefield – but make some distance if you need to.

If you’ve graduated Step 1, you know what they’re dealing with. You understand the monumental effort it takes for them to cope with their pain, and you know that support from you is critical for their recovery. So if (or when) the battle gets too intense and you’re suddenly unable to cope, make it clear that you love them and that you’re not leaving. Then step away. Why? Read step 3.

Step 3: Take care of you.

To play on a team, all players need to develop their strength individually in order to work well as a unit. This is ultimately their battle. They know this. On airplanes, when the oxygen masks come down, you’re told to put yours on before helping anyone else. Here’s why: you can’t help anyone if you’re suffocating. Once you’re able to breathe again, you’re strong enough to assist your partner.

Step 4: Reassure them. A lot.

With anxiety and trauma-induced disorders especially, we worry. A lot. If you told your partner you loved them this morning, by the afternoon and they might be falling into a spiral of doubt. They may believe you when you say you love them, but certain mental illnesses can make it difficult to retain the feeling. It might feel ridiculous to reassure them so much, but it’s better to say ‘I love you’ too much than too little. Think of your relationship as an hourglass. Flip it over with reminders every once in a while, so the love keeps flowing.

Step 5: Don’t beat yourself up. It’s okay to give them space.

It’s important to separate yourself from their illness. If they’re unhappy because of you, you’ll know. But if they’re dealing with the symptoms of their mental illness, it’s not your job to feel responsible for it. I love my partner, but when I’m unhappy as a result of my illness, it actually makes it worse if he blames himself. Guilt and fear go hand in hand – one exacerbates the other. Your only job is to be supportive and understanding. Relationships are a two-way street, and you can’t do all the work, all the time. Just like drinkers at the pub like to say: know your limit, play within it. It’s not always your fault. Sometimes they need space to recover, just like you do. If you’re struggling with guilt, go back to Step 3 and repeat.

Step 6: Let your partner love you.

Your partner is not helpless. They can take care of you, too. Let them! Spend quality time together and see each other for what you are – two people in love. Mental illness is like having a physical ailment – if you spend every waking moment worrying about it, you miss out on life.

Step 7: L-I-V-E.

Mental illness thrives on fear. It eats fear for breakfast, it drinks fear at night. Lucky for us…Love is stronger than fear. In my favorite film, Harold and Maude, Maude says: “Reach out. Take a chance. Get hurt even. But play as well as you can. Go team, go!” All you can do is your best. Do that, and let love take care of the rest.

*Source: National Alliance on Mental Illness

Up Level Your Relationship – Here’s How

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

“It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.” ~John Bulwer

If there’s one thing we all want, it’s to feel loved.

We want to feel deeply connected to other people, fully seen and appreciated by them, and secure in those relationships.

We can have a million and one acquaintances online, but if none of our connections feel intimate and meaningful, we will ultimately feel alone.

There’s actually some interesting research that shows we tend to value physical possessions less when we feel loved and accepted by others, because relationships can provide a sense of comfort, insurance, and protection. They truly are the most valuable things in our lives.

I remember when I completed my last promotional tour. It’s something I used to do for work—travel around the country promoting products at sporting events, concerts, and retail locations. I chose this career partly because it seemed adventurous, and partly because it allowed me to distract myself with constant change and motion.

Although there were more than 20 people on the tour, I frequently stayed in separate hotels because my responsibility was to care for the tour dog, and the group often stayed in places that didn’t allow pets.

I’d just decided to leave NYC shortly before this job, after slowly climbing out of years of self-loathing, depression, and isolation. I wanted nothing more than to make real friendships, but I simply didn’t know how.

I saw it happening all around me. I saw women forming bonds that I knew would last for years, while I frequently felt awkward and insecure. I saw romantic relationships blossoming, while I had a superficial fling with someone I hardly knew, who hardly knew me back.

Though I was trying to open up to people and create space for them to open up as well, I still felt alone, love-deprived, and terrified that these feelings would endure. As a consequence, I frequently sabotaged myself and potential connections.

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Movie Romance — Lessons I Have Learned About Love from Films

by Virginia Jonesin LOVE

So, you get to a point in life where you think, hey, I’ve been dating awhile and I just keep dating awful people who are bad for me, I wonder why? Then you start thinking about your favorite movies from childhood and the messages you’ve internalized!  It’s amazing what a little emotional distance can do!

Starting with:

Beauty and the Beast- a beautiful village girl enters a monster’s castle to plead with him to release her father, and submits to her own incarceration, putting up with his temper tantrums and violence as he tries to force his way into her room, and then breaks up his own furniture.  She eventually falls victim to Stockholm Syndrome and falls in love with her captor.   Once she proves her love is true, he is revealed to be a prince!  This teaches us that if you have patience and love a bad person enough, he will become a good person. This could also be why women still feel hopeful about corresponding with online dating profiles with no pictures.  Perhaps he’s a prince or a celebrity!  If he doesn’t have a picture up, the truth is that he’s either married, ugly, or both.  What are some lessons we can take from this?

  1. Don’t trust people who wear too much velvet.
  2. Don’t date guys who have kidnapped any member of your family. No, not even a cousin.
  3. Rich doesn’t mean nice. Some might argue that it never does.

Grease- Two young attractive people meet over Summer break, fall in love, and then when they get back to school they’re worried that if they date, their friends won’t think they’re cool anymore because she is a “soc” and he is a “greaser”.  They spend the WHOLE SCHOOL YEAR pining for each other, and at the end they put on different outfits in order to meet the expectations of the other person, and then they appear to die, as they get into a convertible and their car drives into the clouds.  Lessons:

  1. Date who you want.  It doesn’t matter if your friends don’t like their jacket.
  2. You don’t have to change to be loved.
  3. Don’t have unprotected sex with Kenickie, or anyone really.

Breakfast Club- Some really weird pairings here.  Athletic, motivated Emilio Estevez falls for emotional basketcase Ally Sheedy because she wears her Holly Hobby underwear on the outside and ties a sock in her hair.  She’s a compulsive thief and liar and he has daddy issues, and the greatest thing they have in common is their twin suicidal ideation.  Molly Ringwald’s character falls in love with Judd Nelson’s even though during the eight hours they’ve known each other, it’s clear that he’s an addict, he’s a pre-abuser (he’s been abused, he reacts with violence), he sexually assaults her under a library desk, and he’s a compulsive cheater (showing her photographs of women he doesn’t think are worth being faithful to).   At the end of the movie, Anthony Michael Hall is not partnered with anyone because he is a clean-cut nerd with the best prospects for college and a good life.  Lessons:

  1. Don’t respond to negging! Judd spends the whole movie either calling Molly a slut or shaming her for having rich parents or telling her she’s a jerk for putting her lipstick on without using her hands, and she just can’t keep from attacking him in a broom closet.
  1. If someone can’t get through an eight hour detention without getting high, maybe don’t date them. That’s someone who’s gonna drink the rubbing alcohol in your parent’s bathroom to get through Thanksgiving.

Some Kind Of Wonderful- In this film, Eric Stoltz plans a dream date for a woman he has barely spoken to and only loves for her appearance, and when at the end of the date, she turns down his gift of extremely expensive earrings, he feels that she is being a real a-hole.  In retrospect, if a man with whom you had exchanged few words offered you a gift he bought with his college fund, you’d also wonder what he thought he was giving to, or getting, from you.  It’s a super weird gift.

  1. If a guy has a best friend who’s a girl and they hang out all the time, that girl is already probably in love with him, even if she dresses like a demolition derby driver.
  2. If someone plans an elaborate first date to try to win your love, and isn’t happy just to meet and talk over coffee, it’s probably a desperate attempt to paper over their own insecurities and trap you into something!

Pretty Woman- ok, it’s a cute retelling of Pygmalion/My Fair Lady, in which a street prostitute becomes a trophy wife, which is the same thing but in longer pants.  She gets an emotionally distant workaholic with no family ties, and becomes a kept woman- that’ll be fun in marriage counseling!  “Hey, I think our power dynamic is screwed up.” “Why is that, I wonder?”

  1. When a man buys a woman, it’s like buying a car- he’ll trade her in eventually.

Just remember that romantic movies are a fun fantasy, but many of the relationships depicted in them are a real nightmare!

Relationship Types You Can Find Yourself In

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Before you find “the one,” you’ll date a bunch of other ones. Only the truly lucky find a great relationship—built on compatibility, mutual respect, and sexual attraction—early on.

Most of us have to have all the other types of relationships, to understand what a functional relationship should look like.

Here are 14 types of relationships you will almost certainly have before you find long-term happiness.

CODEPENDENT

In this relationship, you or your partner (or both of you) cannot function without the other person. You feel anxiety and depression when you’re not around one another. Other areas of your life suffer. You’ll often do out of the ordinary things to keep this person’s love—like cancel a trip you planned years ago with friends, to stay with this person, or give up a great job to have more time with your partner.

INDEPENDENT

You’re a “power couple.” Or at least, you think you are. What you really are is this: two people who do not know how or are not willing to compromise and sacrifice for the relationship. You always put yourself ahead of your partner, and visa versa. You’re both highly focused on your careers, or your own separate social lives. You essentially just meet up when it’s convenient for both of you. But love is not a priority.

DOMINATING

At one point, unfortunately, you’ll date someone who controls you. He will set all the rules for the relationship, and you will follow them. Something about this person makes you spineless. You don’t even see how ridiculous his rules are, such as a rule that you not go out with friends without him, or that you stop talking to your male friends, or that all holidays are spent with his family instead of yours. You’ll be under a spell that will be clear to your friends, but for some reason not to you. And you’ll feel great anxiety around ever speaking your mind or demanding something from this person.

REBOUND

You, and possibly the other person involved in this relationship, have just gone through breakups and need love to cover up the pain. This relationship almost never works out because it is built on the fear of facing the reality of your recent breakup, rather than focusing on this new person and whether or not they are compatible for you. So it is fragile.

OPEN

We all get a little new age at some point and give this relationship a try. In this relationship, the two individuals are emotionally committed to one another, but are both free to sleep with other people. This type of relationship mostly only works when both parties aren’t that emotionally invested in one another. And for this reason, it usually ends anyways.

WORKING HARD

You really want love, you meet someone who really wants love, and so you’re willing to make a lot of changes for it. You change the way you talk, dress, think and socialize for him. He does the same for you. You actually have zero interest in one another’s passions and hobbies, but you attend all related event and feign interest. You look happy to the outside world, but it’s actually the most exhausting relationship you’ve ever been in.

TOXIC

Okay, the previous relationship is the second most exhausting relationship you’ll ever be in. This is the one that will leave you feeling emotionally, mentally and physically immobile. The toxic relationship is one in which you and your partner have an extreme attraction to one another, but have such drastically different morals, opinions, or integrity that all you do is fight. You bring out the worst in each other. But you can’t stay away from each other. You’re always on edge in this relationship. It’s like being on a drug: the highs are very high, but the lows leave you incapacitated.

TEMPORARY

It’s fun for now, but you wouldn’t make plans for the future. You couldn’t claim anything is wrong with the guy. You enjoy having sex with him and spending time with him. But that real umph isn’t there—that can’t live without him sensation. But it’s easy, and it’s a good distraction for a while.

BASICALLY FRIENDS

Everything is great except one thing: you and him do not feel like having sex with one another. It feels like kissing your cousin. You can have a fun day, connect on many levels, but when it comes to the bedroom, your blood runs cold.

PURELY SEXUAL

You’ll also have the opposite to the basically friends relationship: the purely sexual one. When you call or text one another, it’s almost always to spend time immediately. You’re mostly in the bedroom together. You have great sexual chemistry, and for some reason never feel compelled to explore your chemistry in other areas.

PRIZE POSSESSION

At one point you will date a rich or insanely handsome man, because you’re just intrigued by what life is like with that guy on your arm. You’ve seen gold diggers who seem happy with filthy rich gentlemen, or your giddy friend who is always with a model. So you give it a go. If you’re an emotionally sound person, you typically can’t carry this one on for long. You crave a real connection.

GOOD ON PAPER

You’ll date one guy because you should. Everybody—your friends, your family, complete strangers—think this guy is perfect. He’s handsome, he has a great job, he has a good sense of humor, he is kind, he is totally marriage and father material and he treats you like a queen. But again, the umph factor is missing. He doesn’t excite you. You can have great conversations, but a certain inexplicable connection just isn’t happening.

LONG DISTANCE

During one of your romantic phases, you’ll try out a long distance relationship. You’ll tell yourself yours will be the one to work out. And you’ll love going to visit him—it will feel like a vacation every time. But eventually, you’ll realize you don’t want to move to him, he doesn’t want to move to you, flights are getting expensive and you’re tired of missing out on what’s going on with your friends back at home.

EMOTIONAL AFFAIR

You probably will not realize it the first time you get into one of these, so we’ll give you a freebee. But at one point, you will develop an intimate, emotional connection with a man who is already in a committed relationship, or when you yourself are in a committed relationship. Nothing physical ever happens, but you share secrets with this person, you get anxious when you’re going to see him, and if you think about it, your or his partner wouldn’t really approve of it.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Attract the Right Person for You

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE

If I told you that I had the secret for finding your soul mate, your dream guy, your Ryan Gosling, would you give it a try?

Using crystals is a way to place good vibes out into the universe and attract the type of partner you find attractive. You can keep them in your purse, on your bedside table, or on your desk so their magnetic energy is always on hand.

Here are some crystal cocktails to enchant different types of guys. They have potent attraction energy behind them, so be careful what you wish for, crystal lovers…

The Creative

Want an über-inspired, creatively charged crystal to hook, line, and sinker yourself a creative soul mate? Then you need one or all of these:

Carnelian helps you connect to your creative side by revitalizing your body, mind, and soul and heightening your joyful energy and motivation. You’ll feel inspired, and he’ll be inspired to spend more time around you.

Labradorite is a stone that supports your visions, dreams, and goals, helping you visualize your future creative partner.

Crystal cocktail poured, shaken, and served for one creative!

The Romantic

Hopelessly addicted to all things The Notebook and Dirty Dancing? Well, your Prince Charming is out there, and he’s probably looking for you right now. Help him connect with your romantic vibrations by keeping these Cupid crystals on hand:

Consider rose quartz the mack daddy of romantic crystals—it connects with all things heart.

Amber stones bring a sense of calm, purity, and romance.

Aventurine—the ladies’ luck rock—is just what you need to manifest some good fortune in the love department.

The Yogi

Seeking an asana soul brother? If you haven’t come across any boyfriend material at your local yoga studio yet, here’s a yogi-inspired crystal cocktail to connect to your chakras…and his:

Malachite will help you connect to his love of transformation, energy, and balance.

Celestite is a calming, gentle, positive stone that promotes harmony, alignment, and connection to the angelic realm.

Clear quartz helps to clean up your energy and aura so your newfound yogi can have an unobstructed view of your positive soul.

Namaste, brother!

The Hipster

You seek a stylish guy who loves all things beards, man buns, and plaids. Crystals that energetically vibe with the hipster guy include:

Moonstone taps into his sensitive, intuitive, New Agey side.

The perfect crystal for daydreamers, fluorite opens up your energy to clear unbiased reasoning and help focus the mind.

The Jock

Want a bro? A simple, sporty, straight-up man? Here are some crystal recipe options to find him:

Agate is connected with all things strength and bravery.

Tiger’s-eye is the crystal of confidence, courage, and protection.

High-five, bro!

The Businessman

Attracted to the successful, driven, passionate, hardworking type? These crystals can help you catch the busy businessman’s attention:

Selenite can inspire clarity of mind and concentration, and it can promote stimulating conversation while supporting your nerves.

Jade is the stone of good luck, good fortune, and abundance.

Citrine is all about focus and discipline. Heck, it’s even nicknamed the successful stone.

The Prankster

Have a soft spot for the class clown? Is a solid sense of humor one of your prerequisites for a soul mate? You don’t have to set up a crystal trail between the local comedy club and your front door. Instead, just keep these lighthearted crystals with you to help your heart connect to someone playful:

As the sunstone‘s name suggests, it’s full of good vibes and will leave you feeling uplifted and positive, ready to tackle a prankster’s wit.

Rose quartz is packed with joyous, fun-loving vibes.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Is it Love or Something Else?

by zfortadminin LOVE

Ever wondered if you were truly in love, or truly in lust?

Did you know that falling in love actually happens over time, and the journey from initial attraction to deep romantic love is a predictable course that depends on many different factors?

Love is an intense feeling of affection toward another person. It’s a profound and caring attraction that forms emotional attachment.

On the flip side, lust is a strong desire of a sexual nature that is based on physical attraction. Lust can transform into deep romantic love, but it usually takes time.

Two individuals will transform their lust into love when they get to see the whole individual (their strengths and weaknesses) and get past the “fantasy level.

Dr. Helen Fisher, a well-known researcher on the topic of romantic love, has identified three stages to falling in love in her excellent book Why Him? Why Her?: How to Find and Keep Lasting Love and I’ve been inspired by her research in writing this post.

Which stage are you at?

Stage 1: Lust

Lust is the first stage of falling in love. It’s driven by desire. The sex hormones play an important role in this stage. According to experts, this stage may begin immediately and can last up to two years.

Signs that you’re in lust:

  • You’re focused on the physical appearance of the object of your desire.
  • There is a strong desire to have sex, but not deep emotional conversations.
  • You’d rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
  • You are lovers, but not necessarily friends.

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the “love-struck” phase. When you spend hours daydreaming about your lover; when you lose sleep or your appetite, you know you’re in this phase. The neurohormones that play an important role in the attraction or infatuation phase are dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin. These are the hormones that send our heart racing, and might actually make us feel like we are going insane.

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He Takes Care of You When You’re Sick – How to Tell He Thinks You Are the One

by zfortadminin LOVE

Look at these signs if your man is really “the one”.

He loves me …

He loves me not.

He loves me …

He loves me not.

Hey, throw out the flower petals! Forget that weird advice from your sister and that old saying that says “Whoever truly loves you will blah blah blah.” That’s old school and nonsense, and you need some cold, hard facts when you want to know if you’re really his queen. You want evidence that you’re The One.

So! If your man truly sees you as his one any only, these 10 signs are the way to know it.

  1. You make him the teensiest bit nervous.

Ever seen a guy’s hands shake just a little on a first date? He’s nervous! That means he likes you. But even when you’ve been dating for a while, a kernel of that nervousness will still be there if he truly adores you.

Of course, we’re not talking full-blown panic attack here (and not all guys shake nor will they continue to do so after time goes by). But being excited and giddy around the one you love is positive. If you sometimes sense that little tinge of nerves on his part, that’s a good sign!

  1. He knows and remembers everything about you.

You might here things like this from him:

  • At the pizza shop: “Do you have thin crust, my girlfriend doesn’t like the thick stuff.”
  • When choosing a movie to watch: “Oh this movie’s got that shaky camera work you don’t like, so maybe we shouldn’t see it.”
  • At the airport check-in counter: “Can she get a window seat?”
  • When you’re talking about friends: “Sarah’s your old friend from summer camp, right?”

Little things. He logs them away in a little file in his head labeled You. And it’s adorable. Also, he’s not afraid to bust it out. Sometimes, you realize he may know more about you than you know about yourself!

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Approaching Dating as a Scientific Experiment

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

If you think about it, relationships are just like scientific experiments: sometimes, no matter the outcomes of dates, the end results can be unpredictable.

A friend of mine was recently having relationship issues and I had to spend some time consoling and counseling her (Don’t worry, I’ve received permission to discuss this!). As she railed against fate, she moaned something about her predicament that really struck me—the need to communicate without assumptions and to not be inclined to think that something is obvious.

At this point, I tried to lighten the mood by pointing out that as a scientist, she should never have made such judgments. After all, what is obvious to one person is often not clear to another and people are rarely quickly convinced in the lab even when the evidence is there. By the same token, how many times are you going to test the hypotheses before you accept you are right or wrong? Also, you can’t go back and read other people’s minds the way you can a lab book (depending on how well the lab book is kept).

This thankfully brought a smile to her face and like a good collaborator, she threw some challenges towards my argument—are relationships then just a series of hypothesis tests?

ARE THEY EVER!!! Just think about it—dating can be considered a series of experiments with different subjects!

Relationships: the ultimate experiment

It even fits the classical written scientific report format with defined sections on the introduction, materials and methods, results, and discussion. My friend was skeptical. All I could do was show her the evidence (like a good scientist), and hope she came to the same conclusions.

1. Introduction

Well, this section is pretty obvious as this is probably when you meet—introduction, get it?!?! Hahaha! Okay I’ll slink back into my cave now. But really, this is when you also assess the relevant history and concepts so that everyone can understand the current situation. And like a scientific report, this is when you’re supposed to engage the subject of your experiment … I mean, date. *Cough*.

In the way that a good introduction to a paper is meant to be selective, not exhaustive, it’s the same for your date. They don’t need to know (yet) all the nitty-gritty of your history until they decide to become an expert in the field, i.e. you.

And remember to figure out the aims and hypothesis—to find out whether this person is the one! You don’t want to get to the end and realize your study has been for naught.

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T&A In Bed with Three Day Rule Matchmakers

by T A Talk Sexin Sex

T&A

Completely romantic, sweet, and inspiring ideas from Adelle and Karen of the dating site, Three Day Rule, in this speed round of relationship questions. Find your ideal mate with the team at www.threedayrule.com

You can hear our full podcast episode where these girls explain the rules of dating, how to find your true love, and common mistakes people make hurting their chances – here: http://bit.ly/ThreeDayRuleTATalkSex

It’s Not Your Looks…These Things Are Really Sexy About You

by zfortadminin Sex

There is no denying that looks are what usually first attracts us to a woman, but most guys who have been around the block also know that how hot a woman appears to be on the surface has very little to do will how good the sex will actually be.

However, there is a lot that we can tell about how sexy a woman really is, if we pay attention to certain things. Here are 9 examples:

1. YOUR WALK

Oh man. A brisk, confident, heel-clicking strut? A slow, hip-swinging mosey? Would it be creepy if I just walked behind you for awhile? (I know. It would. That’s the definition of creepy.)

2. YOUR VOICE

Whether it’s smokey/scratchy, airy or, I’ll say it, slightly lisp-y, the way you talk can be a major turn-on.

3. YOUR SHARP WIT

Just watch any classic screwball comedy — verbal sparring is the ultimate foreplay.

4. THE WAY YOU DANCE

This one’s pretty obvious right? The way you move is the way you move.

5. YOUR ADVENTUROUS SPIRIT

And being up for anything kind of implies that you might be up for anything. On the other hand…

6. YOUR SHYNESS

If the bedroom is the only place that you really let yourself go crazy, it’s kind of twice as hot.

7. YOUR LAUGH

I think the laugh was the first thing I ever found sexy. Before I knew what sexy was, I remember hearing Kathleen Turner’s laugh (I was probably 7) and feeling something… different.

8. THE WAY YOU SMELL

I’m not talking about what perfume you wear. I’m talking about the way you smell. I’m talking about burying my face between your neck and shoulder, inhaling and losing all capacity for rational thought.

9. YOUR ABILITY TO COMMUNICATE

Nobody’s going to believe me on this one, but it’s one hundred percent true. Even the hottest, easiest sexual relationship is eventually going to run into a snag somewhere. A woman who can express complex feelings clearly and confidently is a woman who’s going to be able to keep the sex interesting and fulfilling when the initial shine wears off.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Falling for Men with Narcissistic Tendencies

by zfortadminin LOVE

Most women claim to want the guy who is sensitive, emotionally fluent and intimate. Yet, when it comes down to it, women consistently chase after the “bad boy,” the guy who is narcissistic, self-absorbed and avoids all forms of intimacy as if they were infectious diseases.

A woman’s dating preference is the ultimate paradox.

The thing is, while we’re constantly on the lookout for that super sweet, caring guy who will make a great companion, we’re actually attracted to the guy who ignites passion within us.

Nice guys are just boring.

It’s a giant catch-22, isn’t it? We want to have serious relationships with good, sweet guys, but we want to make babies with aggressive assh*les.

There’s just something so satisfying about taking the jerk home from the bar who’s spent most of the night intellectually challenging you in a heated verbal debate.

He needs to be brought down a notch. He’s absolutely infuriating! And isn’t that so f*cking sexy?

What it all comes down to is biology. We are literally, scientifically geared to want assh*les.

While women claim to want “the nice guy,” we’re genetically hard-wired to want to procreate with the alpha male because he has stronger sperm.

There is an actual “Nice Guy Paradox”

In two studies highlighted in “Sex Roles, A Journal of Research,” the “nice guy paradox” is explored.

This nice guy stereotype contends that women often claim they want a nice guy, a man who is sweet, kind and sensitive, and yet, when it comes down to it, she rejects this man for one with “other salient characteristics” like a hot body or an ultra strong personality.

Both studies found that “nice” qualities were more desirable for long-term relationships while physical attractiveness prevailed in terms of sexual relationships:

Niceness appeared to be the most salient factor when it came to desirability for more serious relationships, whereas physical attractiveness appeared more important in terms of desirability for more casual, sexual relationships.

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Keeping Things From Your Ex. Good or Not?

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

The relationship ended. You never imagined that you would be here. You stand in your place full of memories, looking at all the little reminders of the person with whom you thought you had a promising future. What do you do with the mementos, the gifts, the personal things that are left behind?

At Relationup, an app that provides 24/7 live relationship advice from professionals via chat, we were curious about how people handled the keepsakes they accumulated during their relationships after they had fizzled. We conducted a survey and discovered that 56% of people (70% women; 33% men) kept mementos from a past relationship(s).

Our data also revealed that there were 5 common ways people dealt with their keepsakes in the aftermath of their relationship.

They held onto a few unique gifts they loved. This group described keeping unique items (e.g. jewelry, vintage jazz shirt, sweatshirts, teddy bear) because they loved them and didn’t want to part with them—regardless of who gave it to them or the circumstances surrounding the ending of the relationship. One man commented, “I loved that t-shirt so much that there was no way that I was going to throw it out”.

They kept things about which they were sentimental. This group hung onto items (e.g. plush dog, ticket stubs, airline boarding pass, mementos from travel) because they represented meaningful and significant experiences. Some kept things that represented the relationship (“my first love,” “the first time time my heart was broken,” “the first time that I felt that someone was really paying attention to me”), while others kept things that related to an event/experience (“the first time I went to Europe,” “my first concert,” “being at Coachella”).

They kept everything and boxed it up. This group liked to avoid facing their feelings by packing up everything to deal with later. In the majority of scenarios, this was motivated by painful endings and people wanted to wait until they felt emotionally ready to do a post-mortem on the relationship. One woman commented, “I just couldn’t look at anything to do with him for months.”

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Would You Let Your Partner Sleep With Someone Else? These Women Share Why They Did.

by zfortadminin Sex

Loose Women’s Saira Khan caused a storm after revealing live on TV that she would let her hubby Steven Hyde sleep with other women.

The 46-year-old mom-of-two told viewers she had lost her sex drive.

She said: “I still love my husband, we cuddle and it’s lovely. But I’m not interested [in sex]. I said to him, ‘I’m just not in that place. You can go with someone else if you want’.”

Steven, 51, has since denied he has ever strayed.

Her bold confession shocked women nationwide and drew gasps from the TV audience – as Sun columnist and Saira’s fellow panellist Jane Moore reveals below.

But not everyone was surprised.

Here, three women tell us why they send their partners into the beds of other women.

“I know he loves me. The women are just one-night stands to him”

Lauren Lockwood, 20, lost her libido after pregnancy.

She distanced herself from a sex life with partner of three years John McFadyen, 23, after feeling uncomfortable making love while expecting.

With their non-existent sex life, Lauren decided to let her man satisfy his sexual urges with other women.

The full-time mom to nine-month-old Samuel from Blackburn, Lancs says: “We’ve always had a great sex life and made love three times a week.

Men need to make love regularly, so I decided I would rather give him my blessing to go out and have fun with other women, otherwise I think he would leave me.

“But when we had been together for 18 months I got pregnant and was not in the mood for sex any more.

“At first, it was the repulsion of having sex while carrying a child that put me off, but it spiralled from there into a psychological feeling of being completely off intimacy.

“I totally get what Siara Khan means when she said she feels like running away when her husband wants sex — that’s how I felt.

“At five months pregnant, I went off it completely and it has now been over a year.

“Men need to make love regularly, so I decided I would rather give him my blessing to go out and have fun with other women, otherwise I think he would leave me.

“Many women may think this sounds like a crazy decision, but I know he loves me. It is me he comes home to, so I am completely fine with him having sex with other women.

“When we are together it’s our time, and he spends 90 per cent of his time with me so that’s good enough.

“I have some rules, John cannot have a rendezvous with anyone I know, or from where we live.

“Also I don’t want to know details and he must use protection.

“I believe he meets the girls in bars, but I have no idea of the number of girls he has seduced — that is too much information for me.

“I’m sure I will get my mojo back in the near future as I’m only a young women, but I am happy with my decision until then.

“These women are just a one night stand to him, and mean nothing.

“My friend think I’m insane and would never let their partners do the same, but it is my life and I am very open minded.”

Care worker John McFadyen, 23, says: “I love Lauren, she is my world, and I’m very lucky to have such a cool partner that lets me have sex with other women to satisfy my needs.

“My friends think I’m the luckiest bloke on earth and that my missus is a legend.”

“He told me from the start he’d no intention of being faithful”

Maria-Louise Warne lets her partner of eight years bed others after he told her he would leave her if she made him become faithful.

Teacher Maria-Louise, 59, admits she was horrified when Tim Roch, 58, first suggested it. But Tim, a general practice doctor, views sex as just an act.

She said: “To him, sleeping with another woman is as natural as eating or sleeping. It’s a physical desire every human has.”

He reckons sex is just like going to a supermarket – sometimes you fancy bacon and on other occasions you hanker after steak. For me, sex is an act of love.

Twice-wed Maria-Louise, from Guildford, Surrey, says fidelity had always been non-negotiable – until Tim.

She adds: “We became a couple in 2008 and he informed me from the start he has never been faithful and had no intention of starting now. That’s why I’ve agreed to him having a long leash.

“He reckons sex is just like going to a supermarket – sometimes you fancy bacon and on other occasions you hanker after steak. For me, sex is an act of love. I’ve laid down ground rules. I’ve told him to lie to me if he’s going out to see his latest fling. He’s also banned from relationships with women from our town, I refuse to be publicly humiliated.

“Our bed and home are off limits to his extra-curricular activities too. He insists he uses condoms. But how can I really know?

“Friends think I’m nuts for putting up with his sexual shenanigans.

“Although it makes me sad sometimes, I put up and shut up.”

Tim says: “I love Maria and I absolutely see us growing old together. But as I’ve always said to her, ‘If you love me, you’ll accept me as I am’.

“Maria can also come and go as she pleases. The fact she chooses not to is her choice – not mine.”

“I never feel jealous. It’s just sex and I totally trust him”

Angharad Jefferies lets her partner sleep with other women as she feels it helps them create a healthy relationship.

Full-time mom-of-two Angharad says it means she and baker Tian Reece, 34, have no secrets.

Angharad, 26, said: “I’d rather Tian sleep with other women and I know about it than him do it behind my back. I never feel jealous as I know it’s just sex and I totally trust him.

“To me, it’s just like sending him off to see a friend then coming back and telling me about it.”

The couple, from Llanelli, Carmarthenshire, met on a night out in April 2013 and clicked. Tian was engaged to another woman. The pair began an affair and eventually he left his partner for Angharad.

I completely understand he feels the need to not just sleep with me. It doesn’t mean he loves me any less

But they feared their relationship could fall into a rut.

Angharad says: “We both agreed we could sleep with other people, as long as we told each other.”

But after a year, Angharad decided she didn’t need to sleep with other men.

She says: “Tian was fine with it, but I knew he still wanted to. I was happy for him to still sleep with other women if it made him happy.

“He has to tell me everything about it, and he always does.

“I completely understand he feels the need to not just sleep with me. It doesn’t mean he loves me any less. We have a healthy sex life so it doesn’t affect that either.

“A lot of people tell us they do the same.”

Tian says: “It is very nice that she lets me sleep with other women, it means there are no lies or doing things behind her back.

“It makes me respect her a lot more. For me it’s just sex.

“It’s happening all over the country – the difference is we are very open about it.”

Stress and exhaustion are the enemies of a regular sex life

It takes a very brave woman to go on live television and say she can’t remember the last time she and her husband had sex.

After all, admitting that your sex drive has stalled is one of the ultimate taboos.

But Saira Khan has faced Sir Alan Sugar in The Apprentice boardroom, so it’s fair to say little fazes her.

Just as well, because her comments on ITV’s Loose Women provoked a massive response from those who were either appalled at her frankness or applauded her for it.

I was sitting next to her at the time and am very much in the latter camp.

In fact, it’s very much what Loose Women is all about – a show presented by women who talk about their own life experiences that reflects many of the daily issues faced by its legion of loyal viewers.

Each morning there’s a pre-show meeting, in which that day’s panelists chat through possible discussion points. But often a confession is swiftly followed up with the caveat: “I can’t possibly say this on the show, my husband/boyfriend/mother/kids would kill me.”

So when the usually forthright Saira quietly admitted she had gone off sex with her husband, I fully expected it to be something she wasn’t prepared to actually discuss on air. But to her credit, she went right ahead and came out with it.

“We used to have fantastic sex life. I still love my husband, we cuddle and it’s lovely. But I’m not interested [in sex].”

She then made the remark that she had told him he could “go with someone else if you want” – an offer that she meant as a throwaway remark and he didn’t act on.

But there was an audible gasp from the audience as she said it and almost immediately the show’s social media sites exploded with viewer reaction.

During the next ad break, she leaned across to me and whispered: “Oh God, do you think I’ve gone too far? Steve is going to kill me. I just think it’s important to be honest about these things because if someone watching feels the same way as me, then it might help them come through it. My worry is that maybe I’m the only one who feels like this.”

Any misgivings Saira had about her honesty must surely have vanished after reading the online response. She had struck a chord with hundreds of women who have lost their sex drive while juggling the exhausting demands of, among other things, young children and work.

“Women are so many things to so many people . . . one minute you’re at work, the next you’re cleaning, then next you’re Mummy or looking after your parents . . . it’s hard to get in the sex zone and switch off,” said one.

Another commented: “I look at my husband every day and think how gorgeous he is. He’s loving, hard-working, 100 per cent loyal, an amazing dad . . . yet the whole SEX thing doesn’t happen.”

A 23-year-old said she had been with her boyfriend for five years but always found herself making excuses not to have sex.

There were hundreds of similar responses and they can perhaps all be summed up by the viewer who told Saira: “What a great woman you are. You will be talking for many who have stayed silent for years. Me included.”

The experts say that stress and exhaustion are the enemies of a regular sex life and who could be more worn out than someone with a demanding work schedule and energetic young children?

Going off sex at such a time is a reality in all too many relationships and finding a way through it is the challenge – something I know Saira and Steve will manage.

On today’s show Steve will join Saira and have his say on the matter – which I’m sure will resonate with the thousands of men who have seen their wives’ sex drive plummet off a cliff and think it’s because they don’t fancy them any more.

It isn’t, and it will pass.

And the more that people like Saira bring such issues out in to the open, the greater the chance that more marriages will pull through the sex wilderness years.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article