The fact that I wasn’t into penetration made me question my entire sexuality. That paired with the overall terrible experience I had with my ex-boyfriend led me to thinking I was asexual. I even took the Kinsey Scale test and was graded with an X rating, meaning I didn’t experience sexual attraction to anyone. This was a label that I stuck with for a while. One thing I’m grateful for regarding society’s current view on sexuality is the number of labels I could attach to myself. So the label became biromantic asexual.

But after a while that didn’t seem to work either. I kept thinking about my sexual attraction to exclusively women. I realized most of the “crushes” I had on men were actually a BPD-related psychological attachment, with very little sexual attraction attached. So I started to think about the fact that I might be gay. I didn’t want to say I was definitely a lesbian, as I wasn’t sure if that label fit. I could still see myself falling in love with a man, but I also knew that if I did I wouldn’t be sexually attracted to him. I decided to forget about specifics and just use the blanket term queer.

I still feel a lack of definitiveness using this term. Labels are important to me, and I want to know specifics. But I’m coming to terms with the fact that I may not get one. Sexuality is fluid for me, and I know if I stuck to one label one day I would just begin to question it the next day. So I’m going to just stick with queer. That is a label I am happy with, and one that can effortlessly say that I am attracted to all genders in a wide variety of ways.