Why Messy Sex is Okay

Over the last few years most public conversations about women and sex have focused on either the “He’s a stud; she’s a slut” double standard or, well, rape.

There’s no question as to whether these discussions should be taking place—they are essential to dismantling a culture overrun with sexual violence—but we lose something when negativity becomes the main lens through which we view female sexuality. We start seeing sex as an activity ripe for shame and harm, both physical and emotional. We also stop thinking about the joy.

Thankfully, there are some women out there committed to exploring the possibilities that lie ahead of us. These women are writing books and television shows that project a vision of sexuality that is truly for us, by us. Theirs is an eroticism that is stripped of that centuries-old sexism baggage—not to mention the female instinct to compare and contrast every detail of our intimate lives—and is just about us feeling good.

Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of the new book Come As You Are—yeah, that come—says that we’ve spent far too long talking about what kind of sex we are having, and how often we are having it, when we really need to be considering is what we actually like. “The thing we are not talking about enough is whether we are enjoying the sex we have,” she tells ELLE.com over the phone. “Not all sex feels good. Pleasure is not obvious. The more we focus on whether or not something feels good, the more we can transition to a more positive sexual experience for women.”

Nagoski says that one of the most important things for women to remember is that a satisfying sex life for one person does not necessarily a satisfying sex life for another make. We are all, hormonally, physiologically, and anatomically quite different, and we also evolve over time. Some women don’t experience spontaneous arousal, but end up getting really into it once things get going, while others have rich sexual fantasies and the urge to act on them. Both ways—and a myriad of others—can lead to fulfilling sex lives for women.

Hot young couple kissing outside on the stairs.

The one main mood killer getting in the way for women? Body hang-ups. And when we’re focused on how we look, we can’t let go and feel. “Your sexual response doesn’t just have a gas pedal, it also has a brake,” Nagoski says. When we start seeing ourselves from the outside, instead of feeling ourselves from the inside, the good feelings screech to a halt.

For Rachel Hills, author of the forthcoming book The Sex Myth, a better sexual future for women will only occur once we stop being labeled by our particular brand of sexuality. This means no more virgins, no more whores, and no more worrying about if we are too much of one or the other. “If this happens, it will open up possibilities for all of us,” she via phone. “We can have it or not have it, be kinky or totally vanilla. Overall, we can feel free to experiment because if this is not how people are [judging women], our sexual lives won’t be such a threat to our sense of self or how society views us.”

Indeed, efforts like the one to reclaim the word “slut,” well intentioned as they may be, still rely on the idea that sexuality is central to our identities. There are also limitations to our ability to redeem the phrase. For her new book, I Am Not a Slut, Leora Tanenbaum spoke to 55 young women and found that those who tried to take back “slut” ultimately had it backfire on them by way of social stigma. She argues that “in a culture where females are hypersexualized, embracing the word ‘slut’ does not seem like a radical protest. It seems like a capitulation.” (So much for SlutWalks, Rock the Slut Vote and Riot Grrl Kathleen Hanna’s famous cri de coeur by way of scrawling the word “slut” across her belly in lipstick, right?)


But maybe this slut idea is tired anyway. Like Nagoski and Hills explain, sexual liberation can’t just be about making it okay for women to have tons of intercourse. Instead, it should be about making it okay for women to have all sorts of sex in all sorts of quantities with all sorts of partners. Really, what does a being a slut even mean? We can do better than buying into either side of the slut mystique. And this is where I will endorse my contribution to a vision of a female sexuality we should be striving for: messy.

Hear me out.

Sexual messiness—the freedom to be neither prude nor slut, try things out, and not have one experience come to define you—is something women have been long denied. Messy means that we can love monogamy, except for that one time when we couldn’t help ourselves. Or, maybe, we are disciples of hook-up culture until that fine day when we meet Mr. or Mrs. right and never look away. Kinky? Corny? Idealist? So be it.

Messy means accepting that sex is often clumsy, that vaginas usually aren’t symmetrical, and that a roll on our bellies or some cellulite on our thighs will probably show up when we’re having a good time. Messy accepts that with good sex comes risk, emotional and physical, and that we can’t know until we try it. Messy makes room for the unpredictable, and allows for the eros of spontaneity to enter our bedrooms and bring us into the moment. It also makes room for uncertainty, mistakes, and occasional regrets—all parts of a healthy sex life and, when taking place in a non-violent atmosphere, a way for us to figure out what we like.

And, if you look for it, messy sex is kind of having a moment: On Girls, Hannah’s sex life is all about privileging exploration over perfection or relentless self-critique. On The Mindy Project, Dr. Lahiri has no problem speaking out about what she wants and doesn’t want between the sheets. The best example of this messiness, however, is Broad City, which, among its many other qualities, is a eulogy of sorts for the whole stupid Samantha/Charlotte, promiscuous/prude divide. Sure, Ilana is the show’s resident “Samantha,” except for the fact that she, despite her willingness to admit it, is involved in a pretty cute, and sexually fulfilling, monogamous relationship with Lincoln. Meanwhile, Abbi, the more conservative one, just pegged a dude on their first date.

It’s totally messy, completely f**ked up, and 100% right.

Curated by Karinna

Original Article


This Kiss Proves Love Has No Boundries

Have you ever joked that someone is acting “like a girl”? Or that they “look like a lesbian”? Or avoided making eye contact with someone you think is disabled? A new movement called “Love Has No Labels” explores the snap judgments we make in a beautiful PSA, which they launched Tuesday.

In the video, the audience sees skeletons kissing, hugging, and dancing with each other. The first couple seems totally in love; you assume one of the figures is a guy, because of his height difference, with his girlfriend. But when the couple emerges from behind the X-ray screen, they’re both women, and the crowd nervously laughs at its preconceived notions.

The “Love Has No Labels” website explains that while most Americans agree everyone should be treated in a respectful and fair manner, many of us report sometimes feeling discriminated against and accidentally discriminating ourselves. The “Love Has No Labels” project hopes to reduce unintentional discrimination, or implicit bias, by calling attention to the subconscious judgments we make every day.

“To end bias, we need to become aware of it,” the project states. “And then we need to do everything within our power to stop it. In ourselves, others, and institutions. The world will be a better place for it.”

Curated by Lesley

Original Article


Top 5 Foods That Make Sex Better

What if we told you the secret to better sex started with what you eat? Try these 5 foods to get more pleasure out of your intimacy!

1. Eggs

Eat them however you like -fried, boiled or poached. Eggs are high in protein and low in calories, which helps build up stamina.

2. Butterfruits/Avocado

They are high in vitamin E & monounsaturated fats that are good for your heart and blood ciruculation. Both of which are important for a healthy sex life, especially for guys. Avocado also helps avoid erectile dysfunction.


They are packed with important vitamins and minerals, specifically zinc that is great for male sex hormones and helps boost libido.

4. Watermelon

This fruit contains a certain compound that helps relax blood vessels leading to better circulation and lubrication during sex. Also, they are a great source of water.

5. Celery

It is a pheromone precursor. Pheromones are chemical signals that are released through sweat glands.They subconsciously affect the behaviour and attraction of the opposite sex. So heighten the attraction to the opposite sex with some celery.

Curated by Erbe


Reasons to Have More Sex

Ok, you don’t really need reasons, but we’ve got a few anyway! Sex isn’t just pleasurable, there are numerous physical and mental health benefits that come with it. So what are you waiting for? Follow these instructions and get busy!

The Way You Understand Your Sex Drive Is Wrong

Most people fundamentally misunderstand sexual desire, Emily Nagoski writes in her new book, Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, mistakenly thinking that spontaneous desire — an urge for sex that comes seemingly out of nowhere — is the default mode of arousal.

But for many people, and perhaps especially (though not exclusively!) for women, it just doesn’t work that way.

Nagoski elaborated in a recent interview with New Scientist:

If sex is a drive then desire should be spontaneous, like a hunger. When you see a sexy person or have a stray sexy thought, it activates an internal craving or urge for sex. That’s called “spontaneous desire”. It feels like it comes out of the blue. But there is another way of experiencing desire which is also healthy and normal, called “responsive desire”, where your interest only emerges in response to arousal. So, your partner comes over and starts kissing your neck and you’re like, “oh, right, sex, that’s a good idea”.

Nagoski further explains, “A drive is a motivational system to deal with life-or-death issues, like hunger or being too cold. You’re not going to die if you don’t have sex.”

And the distinction is important, Nagoski said, because those who don’t often experience spontaneous desire may secretly worry that something is wrong with them, a mode of thinking that does not exactly help to put one in the mood. “Spontaneous desire is totally fun,” Nagoski said to New Scientist. “But you’re not broken just because you’re not experiencing it.” 

Curated by Michael

Original Article

5 Minute Sex Therapy for the Busy Woman

We’ve all, at some point, gone through a rough patch in our sex lives.

You may have confessed your struggles to your girlfriends over brunch (à la “Sex and the City”), or you may have kept this to yourself. Even if you were brave enough to ask your friends for advice, they are not licensed professionals in this area.

I sat down with Dr. Teesha Morgan, Vancouver-based Sex Therapist and Couples Counselor, armed with questions from the busy women that I connect with throughSecondhand Therapy. I was determined to nab some insights that would help everybody out.

What is the most common issue in sex therapy for couples that are in long-term relationships?

Dr. Teesha revealed that the number one struggle for couples who come to her with intimacy issues is that one person has a higher libido that the other. Couples come to her wanting to know that there is hope down the road for resolving this.

At the beginning of the relationship, Dr. Teesha explains, there is a honeymoon stage. It can feel devastating to couples when they have moved past this initial stage, but Dr. Teesha helps them to see that there are many other stages of intimacy that they will go through within their relationship. Some couples require a professional to help guide them through the next stages of physical intimacy.

How do you start to address differences in sex drive?

“Intimacy is a broad spectrum,” Dr. Teesha stated. This spectrum extends both inside and outside of the bedroom.

Having goals and expectations for ourselves in the bedroom can set us up for failure. Approaching physical intimacy with the mindset of, “What can we create today?” has been liberating for many couples that she works with.

She also explains that women tend to need foreplay before they start to feel desire or drive. Masters & Johnson created the linear framework of the Sexual Response Cycle, but it was a model based mainly on the male sex drive. It turns out that for most women, desire/drive comes AFTER foreplay (based on research by Rosemary Basson). This means that most women need our partner to initiate foreplay in order for the desire to have sex kicks in. It is therefore crucial to communicate with our partners what we consider foreplay.

If couples are really struggling to re-connect, she will walk them through a series ofsensate focus exercises, which encourage couples to focus on various sensations. These exercises progress through G-rated to the R-rated sense-based experiences. Couples pause to re-evaluate their feelings and reactions at each stage.


How do you get past seeing sex as one more obligation that you have to fulfill?

Dr. Teesha tackled this question from a few different angles.

First, she referred to Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, and explained that if our “love tank” is empty, sex can start to feel like an obligation. This requires that our partner understands our primary love language: acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, physical affection or quality time.

Second, women tend to “view sex as something that they are doing for someone else.” If we are able to shift our mindset to view sex (or physical intimacy) as something pleasurable we are doing for ourselves, this can shift the power dynamic for couples. Sex becomes less about the giving and more about experiencing pleasure for ourselves.

Why are vibrators for women and porn for men such a big deal for so many straight, monogamous couples?

There can be a lot of shame attached, according to Dr. Teesha, especially stemming from family, culture and religion. Once we work past the shame, there are some considerations about the impact on the relationship.

Dr. Teesha encourages couples to consider if they are using it as a substitute. If so, why and what is the intention? Has this become a problem in the relationship?

If there is a major dissonance between what we are using to get turned on in private and what is happening in the bedroom, there is opportunity for a wedge to be created within the relationship.

Is there one major indicator that determines if a couple will make it?

I wasn’t sure if Dr. Teesha would point to a sex-related indicator, but I figured she would have a lot of insight after working with so many couples.

It turns out that she would want to see the couple fight. She explains, it’s not if we are fighting, it’s how we fight that determines the success of the relationship.

She refers to the book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Nan Silver, and their concept of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. Gottman and Silver teach that if an argument is escalated using one of the four horseman (criticism, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling), this can introduce a toxicity to a relationship that will make it difficult for it to survive long-term.

What if we have tried everything and are still struggling?

Some couples get caught in a cycle and need professional intervention to move past an issue. A licensed professional can help to mediate and also help to determine if this is something to be worked through individually or as a couple. According to Dr. Teesha, 25% of the couples that come in to see her, a red flag comes up during their initial interview and she ends of doing a series of one-on-one sessions with an individual.

A sex therapist has specific and tangible tools to deal with certain things that a regular family counsellor would not necessarily have. For example, most family therapists would not be trained in specific techniques to deal with something like premature ejaculation.

A call to action!

If any of this information has challenged your perspective or assumptions, make sure you discuss this with your significant other. If you are having trouble communicating, consider working with a licensed professional to help you navigate these delicate conversations.

Curated by Erbe

Original Article


How Sex Can Help You Live Longer

Sex feels fabulous at any age. But what’s not as well known is that a regular roll in the hay can also add up to eight years to your life expectancy. Yes! You heard right. By burning some calories in the bedroom, you can add some more years to live.

Studies show that having sexual intercourse regularly improves hormone levels, heart health and brain power and revs up your immune system, so you can hold on to your youth while you enjoy yourself. Research shows that the more orgasms you have, the longer you can expect to live. Being bad was never so good, right?

Aim for orgasm

It’s not just the amount of sex you’re having that counts when it comes to adding years to your life – it is the quality, too. A study discovered that a powerful orgasm is equivalent to a shot of Valium, a drug that relieves bodily stress, and works as a good relaxant. Added to that, it can also increase the body’s infection-fighting cells by up to 20%

Several studies have shown that happily married couples are likely to live longer than singles or those who are in negative relationships. Even more impressive is the fact that having regular orgasms make men twice as likely to live into old age as those who don’t have sex, and women to live up to eight years longer.

Also women who have two orgasms a week are up to 30% less likely to develop heart diseases.

So, make the most of it and boost your orgasm potential by investing in a good sexual intercourse.

Years added +08

intimate young couple during foreplay in bed

Time to cuddle up

Cuddling up to your partner isn’t just an enjoyable aspect of good sex – it also helps to release the ‘bonding hormone’ Oxytocin, which has been linked to life expectancy.

Research has found that Oxytocin can dramatically boost longevity. So, people who are in good relationships are less vulnerable to chronic diseases and even depression.

So, make the most of it by cuddling up with your lover after sex. This will also add intimacy to your relationship. A sensual massage, lots of stroking and intimate touches will help you go a long way in keeping your relationship alive. Also, studies show that Oxytocin is produced in greater quantities with a familiar partner.

Years added +07

Eating Some Fruit

Cook up a storm

To enjoy good sex, it helps if you’re in the mood — which is why brain chemicals are so important. A lack of desire is the result of a reduction in one of the four brain chemicals – Dopamine, Acetylcholine, GABA and Serotonin. To get them up to speed again, certain herbs and spices can also help.

For Dopamine, which enhances mood and confidence, try basil, black pepper, chillies, cumin, garlic, ginger and turmeric. Acetylcholine helps improve alertness and focus so try all-spice, basil, peppermint, sage and thyme. GABA, a natural anti-depressant, is found in alcohol, so just one or two glasses of red wine will do the trick. Serotonin boosts happiness and relaxation, so try turkey, bananas and chocolate.

So, make the most of it by cooking up a light vegetable curry served with saffron rice to get you in the mood.

Years added +10


Work up a sweat

Exercise helps keep you fit. It also improves circulation and muscle tone and staves off the ageing process. Good news is that sex provides almost all the same benefits as regular exercise, without having to hit the treadmill. It increases circulation and metabolism and burns about 30 calories for 20 minutes of reasonably active sex. That means in an hour you’ve burnt off a glass of wine or a couple of biscuits.

Middle-aged women who have weekly sex have been found to have twice the bone-protecting Oestrogen levels of those who don’t.

So, make the most of it by keeping sex fun by trying new positions. If you always do it in missionary, speed up your heart rate by going on top for a change.

Years added +10

More, more, more!

It really is a case of use it or lose it. And having sex at least once a week will keep your hormones, heart and brain in top condition. And the more you have, the better the benefits. Men who have sex three or more times a week reduce their risk of heart attack or stroke by 50%. It’s largely a myth that sex can trigger heart attacks, but if you’re worried, don’t overdo the aerobics and you’ll still get the benefit of powerful relaxation hormones. Regular sex releases ‘feel good’ Endorphins at any age, as well as easing stress.

Years added +2


    How Your Lover Can Enhance Your Orgasm

    Need help achieving an orgasm with your lover?

    These six tips increase your likelihood of happy endings.

    1. Don’t expect orgasm to take place during intercourse. 3/4 of women need direct stimulation of the clitoris to achieve an orgasm.
    2. You must be touched all over, not just those places! Think of sex as a whole body massage.
    3. Foreplay helps women have orgasms. When making love, do everything at half speed. Incorporate 30 minutes of kissing, cuddling, and whole-body sensual caressing.
    4. Use a Lubricant. Lube makes women’s genitals more erotically sensitive.
    5. Break out of routines. Try something different. Ever notice that sex in hotels feels more arousing?
    6. Take a vibrator to bed. Some women need the intense stimulation that only vibrators can provide.


    Curated by Erbe
    Original Source

    NSFW – The Great Wall of Vaginas

    Every woman is beautiful and unique!

    Warning: As the title suggests, this post is full of vaginal renderings. If you do not want to see a wall of labia, do not continue reading. We repeat, do not continue reading.

    UK-based sculptor Jamie McCartney has spent the better half of a decade creating hundreds of renderings of female genitalia. In a project titled “The Great Wall of Vagina,” the artist demonstrates not only his ability to craft effective word play, but also his knack for capturing the physical diversity of labia in a 30-foot polyptych.


    McCartney recruited around 400 women for the series of 10 panels, casting the vulvae of women aged 18 to 76. During the five-year process, he encountered identical twins, transgender individuals, pre- and postnatal women and pre- and post-labiaplasty patients, all of whom were willing to submit their genitalia to plaster in the name of art.

    “This is about grabbing the attention, using humour and spectacle, and then educating people about what normal women really look like,” “The Great Wall of Vagina” site states. There McCartney makes sure to point out that the work of sculpture is not erotic art, nor is it pornography — it’s actually closer to “the Vagina Monologues of sculpture.


    “For many women their genital appearance is a source of anxiety,” McCartney adds on the site, “and I was in a unique position to do something about that.”

    As with any vagina-centric artwork, online responses to the sculptural feat have ranged from creepy to insightful over the years. The Frisk went as far as to call the wall the eighth wonder of the world.

    View photos of the artistic process on the next page…

    11 Struggles Of Being A Highly Sexual Woman

    We believe you should be true and happy with your own desires!

    When you’re a woman who absolutely loves sex, you’re a minority among your female counterparts. You’re a bit like a unicorn, a woman whom men have heard of but have never seen.

    To many, you are a myth. In fact, women being sexual creatures in any sense are a myth to most.

    The thing is, we definitely are sexual beings despite the conflicting rhetoric society likes to project. We all love a great sexual encounter of the sweaty, steamy variety.

    Yet, just like most things, some of us are much more sexual than others.

    A highly sexual woman is just like any other woman. We’ve embraced our sexuality, and we own it. We want sex just as much, if not more than men do.

    We’re lustful and fantasize just as much as the male population. We refuse to find shame in our desires, no matter who tries to ostracize us.

    We’re sexually insatiable, and while the guys we date may think that’s just fantastic, it ends up being more of a struggle.

    Suddenly, you’re the one trying to jump your boyfriend at every turn. Suddenly, you’re the one coming on to HIM all the time.

    Not to mention, the good people of society would delightedly go on a witch hunt if they knew about your less-than-kosher sexual desires.

    We’re told to embrace our sexuality by liberal media and yet, told to hide it by everyone else. What’s with this double standard?

    Why should a guy get to romp around from bed to bed and face no social consequences, and a girl can’t even have a little fun? What is a gal to do?

    These are 11 struggles every highly sexual woman faces on a regular basis:

    1. When your boyfriend turns you down for sex, it hurts that much more

    You’ve always been told a woman is the one who is pursued for intercourse in a relationship. This has never been the case for you.

    You often find your boyfriend just cannot physically keep up with you. If you had your way, you’d be getting it on three times a day.

    All of this “three times a week is the average” bullsh*t makes no sense to you. Therefore, when your boyfriend tells you he doesn’t want sex, you can’t help but feel really hurt and offended.

    Why would a guy not want to have sex with you? It makes you feel like you’re not sexy, especially in such a vulnerable position

    2. You have more vibrators than Babeland

    Your vibrators come in all shapes and sizes, colors and intensity levels. You know how each of them works in its own special way, and you love each individually.

    None of your friends understand why you could possibly need such an extensive collection, but you know better.

    They all have a specific, different purpose. You’re looking for more than just your average stimulation and a halfhearted orgasm.

    On top of all of this complicated tomfoolery, you constantly run out of AA batteries and end up spending more money to replace them than you do on shoes.

    3. Society will judge and shame you

    You deal with the stigma of being called a slut and a whore on the regular. You feel like the world is breathing down your neck, constantly attempting to stamp a scarlet A on your chest.

    You’re in a constant battle between wanting to be proud of your sexual fearlessness and the labels society has historically tarnished sexual women with.

    4. Men really don’t know what to make of you

    They don’t know whether they’ve hit the ultimate jackpot or gotten in way over their heads. You’re always down for the freaky stuff, which is awesome, but your sexual insatiability can be intimidating.

    You don’t care enough to worry if you’re emasculating a man with your high drive.

    He can just get over it or get out. Guys want sex, but once they meet you, it’s a head-trip. You’re putting out constantly. What does he have to complain about?

    5. People will call you a sex addict

    Both your friends and your boyfriends have referred to you as a “sex addict.” You inform them that a sex addict is someone who goes out and f*cks everything he or she sees, often unsafely.

    You are simply a woman who loves to have sex. That doesn’t make you an addict. It makes you a human being.


    6. All of your friends come to you for sex advice

    This is one of the nicest parts about being so sexual. Your friends feel like they can live vicariously through your many sexual endeavors.

    They also trust you enough to come to you with all of their questions about sex. You always have the answers because there are very few things you haven’t given a try.

    Anything the girls need to know, they know you’re the person to see.

    7. You make everything a sexual innuendo

    You sexuality spills into every facet of your life, especially your humor. You can’t help but make every joke sexual. Everything from pencils, cucumbers and forearms can be metaphors for dicks.

    You manage to make even the most innocent of exchanges dirty. But hey, you don’t have a dirty mind — just a sexy imagination.

    8. You can separate sex and love

    Unlike most of your female counterparts, you have no problem taking your emotions out of the act of sex. You can have sex just like a man.

    To you, sex is a fun, pleasurable activity. It doesn’t need to be fraught with feelings. You’re a busy woman who doesn’t have time to deal with drama. You just want to get off and get back to your lengthy to-do list.

    9. Pretty much anything is a turn on

    Even the most mundane things can be a turn on. Whether it is a cute guy eating an ice cream cone or an expected breeze whipping up your skirt, you find it takes very little to get you hot and bothered.

    You often find yourself at home with your boyfriend (either robotic or human) getting it on before dinnertime. When you’re at work or out with friends, you consciously remind yourself to keep your mind off sex.

    10. Sex is your therapy

    F*ck yoga. Nothing in this world could relax you the way sex does. Sure, you enjoy the catharsis of a bottle of wine and Netflix on occasion, but you’d much rather be indulging in a hump sesh than a romcom.

    It also serves as your main source of exercise. Any cardio that comes with an orgasm is all right by you.

    11. You stopped counting your number of sexual partners

    You’re always safe, but a number is just a number. You’re not ashamed, and you shouldn’t have to be.

    As long as you’re careful with your sexual health, you will continue to enjoy yourself and let your freak flag fly.

    You go, girl. You go.


    Curated by Tatiana
    Original Article

    The 9 Best Times to Have Sex

    Have better orgasms, make love for longer and more with some smart scheduling

    Your Sensual Schedule

    Timing is important for, say, landing a dream job or catching a sale. But here’s some intimate info: It’s also crucial when it comes to sex! You’ve probably heard that the ideal time of the month to get pregnant is when you’re ovulating (usually in the middle of your menstrual cycle,between day 11 and 21, depending on the person), but you may not realize that certain times of the day, month and year are best for other sexual goals. For a more satisfying sex life, here’s when to get busy if you…

    1. …want an amazing orgasm.

    This may sound counterintuitive, but the day you’re most likely to experience a mind-bending orgasm is actually the day before you get your period, according to Laurie Watson, a sex therapist and couples counselor in Raleigh, NC, and author of Wanting Sex Again. “When blood accumulation makes your uterus heavy, contractions are more perceptible during orgasm, and your labial and clitoral tissue tends to be more sensitive when you retain fluids,” says Watson. “Convince yourself to give sex a shot, even if you’re feeling grouchy and uncomfortable, because it may cheer you right up,” she suggests.

    2. …want sex to last longer.

    The top time is between Christmas and New Year’s Day, when you and your husband are likely out of the office. “When you have no work pressures and are spending many hours with your mate, it’s easier to have luxurious, unhurried sex that lasts and lasts,” says Terence Watts, a psychotherapist based in the U.K. who specializes in psychosexual problems. “A slow build-up is key. Flirt with your husband in the morning by whispering in his ear, and then make lots of eye contact with him during meals.”

    3. …want to drive your guy wild.

    As you’ve likely noticed, men often wake up with erections, says Amy Levine, a sexologist based in New York City and the founder of IgniteYourPleasure.com. So instead of making him wait all day, set your alarm for 10 minutes earlier on a work day and have a quickie first thing in the morning. You might enjoy it more, too. “As women age, they tend to get more tired at night, so evening sex is less desirable,” says Watson. In other words, you have more energy for a crack-of-dawn romp than a late-night one.

    4. …want to relieve pain.

    If you can get past the ick factor, making love while you’re on your period can actually reduce uncomfortable cramps, says Levine. “It may be because an orgasm causes uterine contractions, which ease pain, and your body releases the hormone oxytocin and the neurotransmitter dopamine, which make you feel happy and relaxed.” If you can expect sex when Aunt Flo shows, you just may look forward to your time of month!

    Sexy Couple

    5. …want to feel confident in bed.

    Get it on after you’ve broken a sweat. A study from the University of Florida found that people who exercise without losing fat or gaining strength or endurance feel just as much body confidence as those who get fitter. So even if you don’t look different from your workout, you think you do, according to the research. That improved self-esteemcould make you freer between the sheets. Maybe you’ll even leave the lights on!

    6. …want to have crazy, no-holds-barred sex.

    Plan an unforgettable evening during a steamy time of year, like July or August in most parts of the country, because you’ll have more opportunities to get it on discreetly outside, like in your yard or on your roof, says Levine. Being outdoors means you’ve already left your comfort zone, so you may be more likely to think outside the box. “Plus, sunshine boosts serotonin in the brain, which improves your mood, so you may enjoy yourself more,” says Tammy Nelson, PhD, a sex and relationship expert in New Haven, CT, and author of Getting the Sex You Want.

    7. …are too busy.

    Schedule a weekend date night when you don’t have a work commitment and are less exhausted. You don’t even have to leave the house! Put on some mellow music, order in and take a breather together from the hectic week to enjoy each other’s company. Consider asking a friend or relative to take the kids out—the more romantic and relaxed the environment, the more you set the stage for amazing sex. “Focus on quality over quantity,” recommends Watts.

    8. …want to get out of a sexual rut.

    The longer you’ve been with your partner, the harder it is to be creative in the bedroom. And missionary style every Saturday night can get a little boring. To mix things up, set an alarm for 3 A.M. and straddle your spouse in the middle of the night, recommends Levine. We’re pretty sure he won’t mind being woken up.

    9. …want to survive wedding season.

    Summertime means party time—especially with weddings. These six-hour affairs are romantic and fun, but also draining. “By the time a wedding’s over, couples come home feeling too full, too drunk or too tired, and those factors can sabotage sex,” says Watson. If your calendar’s chock full of nuptials, it may be tough to get action. Why wait until midnight? Fool around before you leave for the event, and you’ll be glowing on the dance floor all night.


    Curated by Erbe
    Original Article

    Ways to Spark Your Sex Life

    When love is new, everything is exciting, including making love. It’s partly why that first few months of married bliss is called the “honeymoon stage”—everything is great, wonderful, and thrilling. However, over time and throughout the years, you may feel a little less energetic about getting intimate with your better half. Here’s how to boost sexual energy.

    Curated by Erbe
    Original SOurce

    I Want to Masturbate in a Circle of Women

    I adore the ritual of masturbating. I live for every single sultry part of it. I get ecstatic when I feel the first tingle of arousal in my underpants, which typically appears while I’m watching a smooching scene in a movie and/or thinking about a man I’m crushing on hard and/or literally out of nowhere for no reason while I am at work in the middle of an important meeting. Do conversations about fiscal periods turn me on? Only my libido knows.

    One of my most beloved thoughts to get lost in is the thought of beautiful vibrators, and in particular my beautiful vibrators. Yes, I have plural and I am proud of it. I love stimulants that aid my hormones in achieving their goal. I revel in finding sexy videos on the internet that excites my clit without offending my brain (trickier than it sounds) and/or digging deep in my imagination for the face/sweat/penis/butt/knees/hip bones of a dude I’m into and/or staring into a mirror and satisfying my hot self to my hot self.

    And then of course I am a fan of the actual act. Searching for the right buttons. Figuring out what I want that day, that hour, that minute. Building the orgasm within me. Climaxing and feeling my whole body uncontrollably contract and twitch and release. It’s a transcendent experience that I attempt to repeat as often as I can, specifically in the mornings, and in the afternoons, and in the evenings… okay, I do it a lot and have since I was 13-years-old.

    Something I haven’t ever done in the masturbation department though is get my own bod off while surrounded by important ladies doing the same to their bods. I hear dudes talking about circle jerks constantly but it’s rare for women to share tales of collective genital bliss. And why is that, I ask you? I mean, females often gather in groups to chat about life and drink wine and make plans to dominate the world. I wonder then how my ladies nights have never morphed into an epic, gorgeous, highly empowering jilling off session. Is there something I’m doing wrong? Do I need to provide MORE chips and dip? Is chocolate the answer? Should I start offering oysters and dildos with dinner? What is the SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM?


    I suppose it’s not really a problem but I honestly believe that if a group of ten women, all orgasmic simultaneously in a circle as if we were a coven of pleasure seekers it could better society. We could eliminate the wage gap with one unified moan. Our voices would ripple through the globe like a tidal wave of squirting. The 4th wave of feminism would rise and if it’s that time of the month the wave would be crimson! The energy we would release would be magnetic and contagious and legislation changing. Abortion access would suddenly exist for all! Maternity leave wouldn’t affect career growth! Slut shaming would be a thing of the past! Hillary Clinton would instantly be elected president and all men would make her a sandwich!

    …. okay, I might be exaggerating a tad bit here. But, you cannot deny that the image of a dozen vibrators doing god’s (Gloria Steinem’s) work is rather powerful and hella inspiring and majorly instagram-worthy. I have become much more sex positive over the last two years and with that has come a growth in confidence, a decrease in body shame, and an understanding of how to expertly “walk my poodle” (yes, I refer to my vagina as my poodle). So why not take this sex positive attitude a step further? I say, let’s get real positive and bask in the glow that is women’s recently orgasmic faces. I’m interested in experimentation and my favorite hobby is being in and/or around crowds of labia lips. So why not combine the two?!

    Plus, it would be so relaxing and non-threatening and FUN! We could do yoga afterwards and get brunch and check out a dog park. I would have to 100% make a day of it. if I’m going to gather my best friends together so we can all masturbate as a unit you better believe we’re going vintage shopping post-climax and eating gelato. We’ll be in top notch moods and totally at ease and ready to get real about our emotions in regards to women being censored on Facebook (which is one of my number one topics to get real about).

    Also, we can give each other tips! If a lady is having a hard time locating that spot, another lady can saunter over and give her a helping finger. This could dip into a mutual masturbation zone and if it did I would be beyond thrilled. It’s killing two birds with one ejaculation! Or if one woman’s vibrator isn’t doing the trick, she could switch with another woman who wants to try something new. Like a game of musical chairs! And you know how sometimes it’s difficult to see what’s going on down there? When you’re attempting to pleasure yourself and it begins to feel like parallel parking? Sometimes you just need someone to say “an inch to the right, one centimeter up, and turn it at a 180 degree angle” in order to pinpoint that clit and that’s OKAY!

    And another thing, I went to a nudist retreat once and what I loved most about it was seeing how unique each woman’s body is, specifically their crotch areas! It was a breathtaking sight that I would definitely like to repeat. Although I am straight, I have an obsession with the female anatomy and, like the process of masturbation every single part of it fascinates me, especially the sexy parts. If I could orgasm while several other vulvas are in my periphery, I could die happy. I want nothing more than to be satisfied as I hear other women being satisfied, metaphorically and non-metaphorically. That would be my ultimate wet dream.

    3 Ways to Prevent a Sex-Starved Marriage

    Is the key to your sexual success in your marriage center around communication? Do you and your spouse actively act out your needs and desires? We take a look at underlying issues that can help you communicate your wildest desires to get the passionate sex life you and your partner crave.


    Do (or did) you and your spouse have significantly different levels of desire for sex? If so, you are not alone. Did you know that 1 in 3 couples has a sexual desire gap? But just because you aren’t alone, it doesn’t mean you should be complacent about a ho-hum sexual relationship. You shouldn’t. It can lead to a miserably angry spouse, infidelity and divorce. If you don’t believe me, watch this TEDx talk on The Sex-Starved Marriage

    And although solutions to this sexual divide abound in magazines, self-help books and other pop psychology outlets, there is a little talked about fact underlying the problems associated with this sexual void.

    The No’s have veto power.

    Here’s the scoop. The spouse with lower sexual drive controls the frequency of sex — if she or he doesn’t want it, it generally doesn’t happen. This is not due to maliciousness or a desire for power and control, it’s just seems unimaginable to be sexual if one is not in the mood.

    Furthermore, there is an unspoken and often unconscious expectation that the higher desire spouse must accept the no-sex verdict, not complain about it and remain monogamous. After decades of working with couples, I can attest that this is an unfair and unworkable arrangement.

    This is not to say that infidelity is a viable solution to disparate sexual interests. It isn’t. As with all relationship conflicts, being willing to find middle ground is the best way to insure love’s longevity.