Tag: Sexual Attraction

How to Spot Sexual Attraction in Eyes

by zfortadminin LOVE

Out of all the different non-verbal behaviors, I think that spotting attraction is without a doubt the easiest. We are very emotional creatures and when we’re attracted to somebody, it’s very, very difficult to hide. People think they’re hiding it, but things always slip.

One of the ways they slip are essentially the eyes. There are a lot of different ways you can use the eyes to determine whether or not someone’s attracted to you. The first thing is essentially eye contact. For the most part, usually we make eye contact with people that we’re interested in or people that we’re attracted to. Right? But this is not entirely true. Some people are shy or anxious and they’re not going to make eye contact. So what you’re looking for essentially is a deviation in eye contact.

So one of the ways you can use eye contact and there’s a little trick that’s very, very reliable. So what you’re going to do is if you look at somebody in a bar or restaurant or on the street and they break eye contact vertically, so they look down. So you make eye contact with them and they break eye contact vertically and then within 20-30 seconds they reestablish eye contact, approach them. They like you. It’s a very, very reliable thing.

Essentially what they’re doing. You stare at them. They’re submitting to you and then they take a little second glance to see who you are. It’s very, very, very reliable. The opposite of that would be if you look at somebody and they look at you and they immediately go and break eye contact. Nope, not interested. But what is reliable is they break eye contact and they come back. Break eye contact and then come back. Break eye contact and then come back. It’s very interesting.

And don’t let it wait. If you see that, go right away because the more and more you wait. The more and more eye contact becomes very, very awkward. One of the things that I do in one of my classes is I have people stare each other in the eyes for three minutes without saying anything. They just stare each other in the eyes like this. Try that. Go out and try to stare somebody in the eyes for even 90 seconds. I guarantee you can’t do it. It’s awkward. It’s so awkward because humans are not really at a level intimacy. When you stare somebody in the eyes is so awkward when you’re doing it with a stranger.

Studies will show that if you stare somebody in the eyes for 90 seconds to three minutes, all of a sudden you’re going to like that person a lot better than everybody else in the room because you kind of shared this emotional connection. So eye contact is important in that respect.

The second thing you can look for essentially is blink rate. Now, this is really cool. So blink rate correlate with emotional excitement. When we are emotionally excited, our blink rates tend to increase. Right? Average blink rates tend to be below 20 blinks per minute. For most people it really depends on where you are, but it’s really hard to nail down what the average blink rate is. But in my experience, it seems to be around 10 blinks per minute. Right? So you see, whenever you see a sudden spike or a bunch of sudden spikes in somebody’s blink rate in can be an indication of attraction. In my dating studies you see blink rates through the roof because the person across the table from you has an emotional response. You’re attracted to them.

The third way of kind of using the eyes to determine attraction is dilation. It’s very interesting. Our eyes dilate when we’re attracted to something. Right? Go out and find a Maxim magazine or a Playboy magazine or any cover that’s predominately men focusing. Every single woman will have her eyes dilated. You never, ever see them constricted. The reason why is because men perceive women with dilated eyes more attractive than women with more constricted eyes. To the point of back in the day prostitutes used to put a specific toxin in their eyes to make them dilate.

What is My Sexuality Anyway?

by Rachel Meghanin Sex

I know if I stuck to one label one day I would just begin to question it the next day.

The idea of sexuality has been widely established as a spectrum. According to a majority of people, everyone is a little bit gay or straight or whatever. Some people even pull the “who needs labels in the first place” card. The answer to that is, well, a lot of people. Labels are important to a lot of people to properly establish who they feel they are. But those labels can change.

I’ve talked before about how I identify as asexual. I came out as a biromantic asexual on Facebook to my friends and family not long ago. But now I’m even beginning to question that. I’m starting to think there isn’t a label for me.

And I am a person who needs a label. When I was told by a psychiatrist that I had bipolar disorder, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. I needed that label. I needed to establish my identity. And when he saw how badly I needed it, he gave me that.

The concept of my sexuality is a much different thing than my mental affliction, but I’ve dealt with the same thing regarding labels. The mental illness thing was easy to pinpoint. My label as far as who I am in regards to who I’m attracted to, not so much.

I came out a bisexual when I was thirteen. My parents were very accepting of me and said they would support me no matter who I would eventually bring home, but they didn’t take it seriously. For years I had to defend to my mother that it wasn’t a phase and that I wasn’t going to go “one way or another” when I eventually settled down. I don’t blame her for it at all, she just used to not fully understand how bisexuality worked.

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Is Your Sexual Attraction to Someone Too Much?

by zfortadminin Sex

Intense sexual attraction can be more than some can handle.

What makes a person sexually attracted to another will likely remain a mystery forever. I have studied psychology for 25 years, and neither my doctorate nor my years of experience working with clients has sufficiently answered the question.

What makes you sexually attracted to another person? While we have theories, we don’t entirely know. We can infer that the object of one’s sexual attraction is stirred by a mix of biology and past experiences, but that somehow doesn’t feel sufficient. Studies of pheromones, too, don’t explain it.

But when it comes to attraction, is it possible that a person can be too sexually attracted to another person? The answer, in short, is yes.

While I learned a lot from my undergraduate and graduate psychology training, I learned even more from my clients. But the person who taught me the most about human motivations and behaviors? My own therapist, who provided psychoanalytic therapy to me for over five years in my 20s. One nugget of wisdom he gave me when I was 25: “When you feel extremely sexually attracted to someone in the very beginning, walk the other way.” Of course, he had to spend a few more sessions drilling that concept down, because, at first, it made absolutely no sense to me. Now, I understand.

You can be too sexually attracted to someone. You can meet someone who unleashes the most elaborate sexual desire, but that person is probably not someone you should pursue, because the intensity of your sexual feelings likely comes from a primitive — and dysfunctional — set of feelings and beliefs. Most important, meeting someone and feeling too sexually attracted often indicates underlying idealization. Sexual attraction that is too intense from the very start often indicates a distorted belief that this new person will provide a sense of emotional completion, fulfilling long-simmering emotional needs that have previously gone unmet.

People who feel extreme, I-need-to-have-them-now sexual attraction often have a history of psychological trauma or neglect.

What is psychological trauma? It could be a specific incident — a horrific incident with a family member or stranger. Or it could be an ongoing pattern of extreme dysfunction — for instance, a parent, peer, or another adult luring you into an ongoing relationship that is unhealthy or even physically or emotionally dangerous. Neglect is more straightforward — a parent or caregiver who isn’t there when you need them and who doesn’t make you feel like your thoughts and feelings are noticed or important.

Based on my anecdotal experience of seeing hundreds of clients, I can say with assurance that someone who feels extremely sexually attracted to a new person should be very careful, especially if they have experienced neglect or psychological trauma in their past. These individuals have gone without for so long that they may have started to develop a fantasy life, imagining someone “out there” who could rescue them or take away the emotional hurts they’ve suffered in the past.

People who feel extreme sexual attraction also often have addictive tendencies.

Intense sexual attraction can be so intense that the new person serves as a sort of drug or stimulant, and it is typically impossible to reach a sense of true satiation when such feelings get triggered. In other words, it never feels like enough. Men and women who struggle with addictive tendencies must be careful to see that these tendencies also extend to the way we seek out and relate to romantic partners in the beginning.

What’s the ultimate goal in finding a romantic partner?

The real goal in relationships is to find someone who quenches your sexual and emotional desires on a consistent basis. Sure, sexual attraction changes over the course of a long-term relationship, but relationships that are successful include two people who feel that their partner is emotionally available. When you feel attraction that is too intense, it often means that you are responding to the sense that you need to consume that person entirely now, because they may slip through your fingers at a moment’s notice.

If you have addictive tendencies or have any kind of psychological trauma or neglect in your history, beware sexual attraction that is extremely intense in the beginning. Go back to the basics, and focus on finding a person who is consistent and reliable, and who shares similar values to yours. Remember, every step you take away from someone who isn’t good for you brings you one step closer to someone who is.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article