What a lot of people don’t understand about bisexuality is that who you end up dating does not void the fact that you’re attracted to more than one gender. Being with someone doesn’t mean you completely stop experiencing attraction. My mother understands this now. More people in general do, but there is still a big stigma surrounding the concept of bisexuality.

For years I thought I leaned more towards men. I would develop big, overwhelming, borderline unhealthy crushes. At least I thought they were crushes. I had my first sexual experience with a man when I was seventeen. I found out from the start that I hated blowjobs. I was very uncomfortable when it came to (cis) male genitalia. But my crushes continued regardless.

Since I started watching porn as a preteen, I had only watched lesbian porn. I didn’t know what it meant regarding my status as a bisexual woman. I would only develop romantic crushes on men, but I was only able to get off thinking about women. It was always to hard to explain that I was what would best be called a heteroromantic homosexual, so I just stuck with the bi label.

My first real boyfriend came along when I was nineteen. He was extremely into sex, and a lot of the time I had a hard time keeping up. We would have sex two or three times every day. And I liked it, for the most part. But it was the actual initial penetration part that I really didn’t like. I would only really be able to cum during oral sex. And a lot of the time that was because I was thinking about ladies. I never told him this.