Love hate relationships can be extremely painful if you insist on blaming the other person all the time. It takes maturity and humility to look at the root of the issues you’re having and discuss them in a calm, non-accusatory way.
The number one reason for love hate relationships is that both people are reactive and playing the victim. They still don’t have the tools to be and feel empowered and remain calm, which would allow them to see the root of the issues objectively, from a place of kindness and love.
How to spot a love hate relationship
Frequent blow-ups and makeups that happen multiple times a week are a sure sign of a love hate relationship. So, do you have a calm relationship? Or do you bicker, cry, yell and ‘lose it’ pretty often?
Even if you also have a lot of romance, kindness and sincerity in your relationship, it doesn’t mean you’re ready to put your feet up and act like you don’t have any work to do. Luckily, there is a way out of this vicious cycle. You can find the happiness you knew before the volatile reality you now experience as the norm.
Why relationships become explosive
Are you possibly in denial that you are in an explosive relationship? Relationships with a lot of love and arguing can create an illusion, and people can be verbally hurting each other and themselves thinking everything is ok and that their own behaviors are ok.
Here is why that happens: We live in a culture where emotional maturity is not the norm. Most of us have only been exposed to loving relationships with a lot of arguing so when we follow suit and end up in one just like that, we don’t think anything is wrong.
Our culture is, what I call, a baby culture. We are on one heck of a learning curve physically, economically, morally and emotionally. We are just starting to recognize that we created a huge obesity problem; we are still addicted to antidepressants because we are, without sugar coating it, emotionally stunted.
But that’s ok. If you look at other cultures that have a lower divorce rate, they also probably have been around for thousands of years and not just a couple hundred like America. Historically speaking, we are still kindergarteners in the age of our culture. Some things we are very good at and some things we are admittedly bad at.
From my research, these issues have stemmed from a lack of education about emotional health. We don’t have school classes about non-violent communication or in-depth courses about the ego and how detrimental it can be in relationships. We are lucky to get a few days of Sex Ed. It’s not our fault that our parents also may not be equipped with the proper tools to have an emotionally healthy relationship.
With the age of the internet, information is at our fingertips. We can grow as individuals and by working on ourselves, we can become empowered and choose kind words instead of words that sting.
I must draw attention to an important cultural aspect that creeps into love hate relationships: Low self-esteem. If you find yourself spending more than a few minutes getting dressed, asking for opinions often on how you look, thinking about what you’re going to wear a lot, or comparing yourself to others, this is an issue that can wreak havoc in your love relationship and you can nip it in the bud.
Check out my article about Imperfect Female Body Parts That Men Love to get some perspective on how warped our perception of what men like is. We have been marketed to by large companies in our culture to become insecure so we buy tons of nonsense.