Why Young Women Are Finally Being Taught Sex Must Be Pleasing

An education resource that teaches girls and boys that sexual intimacy should be pleasurable shouldn’t be revolutionary in 2016 – but it is.

Our friend Danielle narrated the experience of losing her virginity to us all on the bus.

Shedding oneself of the virginity burden had developed into a competition among our gang of spindly 16-year-old girls and there was now something of a ritual post-match analysis. Details were demanded to educate the uninitiated, as well as to provide a means of comparison for everyone else. “How did it feel?” enquired someone hanging over their bus seat, “what was it like?”

Danielle grimaced, in consideration. “Like pushing a bruise,” she concluded, finding a dark bruise on her thigh, and poking the tips of two fingers in it, wincing, to demonstrate.

More than 20 years later, the image of the bruise, the fingers and the wince yet sears. I recalled it when reading about a new sex education resource that’s being launched in Australia. Developed at La Trobe University, the resource for school teachers contains material for guided class discussions, quizzes, lots of information as well as wry animated videos as well as the revolutionary instruction that sexual intimacy should be … pleasurable. How radical!

At school, I sat through many a sex-ed class rolling condoms on carrots, one awkward lunchtime watching two girls in my year do a clothed demonstration of what they got up to with some butchers’ apprentices and way too many bus-ride confessions with the likes of Danielle to have reasonable expectations that first-time sex could be pleasant.

My own first time resembled being staked to the ground by a falling piano with sharp elbows and drool. I don’t blame the boy for his sexual narcissism – if it had not been for SBS movies, I’d have had little to encourage me that the performance of the act, or its enjoyability, could be any different. The issue at the time was that I didn’t even have a language to articulate my own desires, let alone a context that encouraged any communication to take place beyond a “yes”.

My experience, of course, was many years ago, and yet it says much that it’s more than two entire decades later that the La Trobe resource is being praised in Australia for its fresh take on sex ed. The teaching of sexuality to young people by the culture beyond the classroom rarely clarifies the precise mechanics of pleasure – particularly the pleasure of young women – and its messages are confusing and archaic.

Films like the well-received Sexy Baby, from 2012, document the extraordinary contemporary cultural pressure applied to women to perform sexual attractiveness and availability. And last year sex researcher Emily Nagoski received due critical praise for her scientific claim that “stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it” in her book Come As You Are.

Can You Really Have Sex with a Ghost? This Woman Said She Did

What’s the difference between having a fantasy and sleeping with a ghost?

When there’s something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call?

Whether it’s the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man walking through Manhattan or Whoopi Goldberg warning, “you’re in danger, girl,” ghosts litter our fictional world. Especially during the holidays, the Ghosts of Christmas Past haunt the office halls of the most heinous of misers.

The reality, however, can be a little more somber.

Sometimes grief makes you see things.

My grandparents met when she was 15 years old and he was 17. On a cold day in 1987, her car slipped on a piece of black ice from an early snow, she went into oncoming traffic and ran into someone else. At just 50 years old, she was gone.

My grandfather was understandably devastated. Over the years he dated a few women, but never remarried. She was the love of his life and no one quite measured up. When I was home after college one year we were talking about her and he told me that the night she died, he had a horrible time trying to get to sleep. He was distraught, likely in shock and sleeping alone for the first time in almost 35 years.

He told me when he finally fell asleep that she came to him to say good-bye. When he woke, he said that he could still feel her lips on his. Was it a dream? Was it real? Was it grief and exhaustion?

What are the chances ghosts are real?

Happy loving couple

One English “spiritual guidance counselor” not only swears that they are real, but that some sexy ghosts are able to manifest their energy into treating her to a good time. After all, who said the afterlife can’t be sexy?

This is her story, via Newsweek:

Talk about otherworldly sex! Amethyst Realm, a 27-year-old “spiritual guidance counselor” in England, says sex with ghosts is much better than sex with men—and she should know because she’s made love …

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