Just a reminder, we kicked off the year by enhancing your love life in 2015 with #SexyResolutions from LOVE TV. Follow these sexy lover resolutions and become more open, curious, powerful, and maximize your bliss for a happy, healthy, sexy and loving new year!
This April, make it your #SexyResolution to bring your A-game to love and sex. Here are your action steps:
1. Shut off your phone
2. Show Up with Respect
3. Bring Diversity to Your Engagements
What if we told you the secret to better sex started with what you eat? Try these 5 foods to get more pleasure out of your intimacy!
1. Eggs
Eat them however you like -fried, boiled or poached. Eggs are high in protein and low in calories, which helps build up stamina.
2. Butterfruits/Avocado
They are high in vitamin E & monounsaturated fats that are good for your heart and blood ciruculation. Both of which are important for a healthy sex life, especially for guys. Avocado also helps avoid erectile dysfunction.
3.Almonds
They are packed with important vitamins and minerals, specifically zinc that is great for male sex hormones and helps boost libido.
4. Watermelon
This fruit contains a certain compound that helps relax blood vessels leading to better circulation and lubrication during sex. Also, they are a great source of water.
5. Celery
It is a pheromone precursor. Pheromones are chemical signals that are released through sweat glands.They subconsciously affect the behaviour and attraction of the opposite sex. So heighten the attraction to the opposite sex with some celery.
Curated by Erbe
Honesty and communication make up the foundation for a healthy relationship. But, what exactly does it take to achieve these things? According to certified Sexologist Jaiya Hanauer, there are 10 important ways to build intimacy and make a deeper connection with your partner.
The eyes are the doorways to a connected sex life. Although it may feel a little funny at first, making eye contact during sex tells your partner that all your attention is on him. It builds trust, which ultimately leads to a stronger sexual and emotional bond.
Touching each other throughout the day builds longing for each other. Massaging, stroking, and caressing all produces oxytocin, which is the bonding chemical. To build a deeper connection, try touching each other without having sex. Build up the tension for a few days to make your next intimate an explosive encounter.
We do it automatically everyday but most of us don’t realize that breathing is a way to heighten pleasure and arousal. When you breathe deeper, you bring more oxygen into the body, which allows you to be aroused at greater heights. Alternating your breath as you breathe into each other’s mouths is an intimate exercise that has been used in ancient traditions as a way to share the soul.
The simple act of sending a sweet text message or complimenting your lover can send blood rushing into the genitals. Not only does it build anticipation, but will also keep your partner thinking about you all day.
Nothing breaks the mood like cell phones blaring and clutter all over your bedroom. Set the scene for intimacy with sensual music, candles, clean sheets and a shift in environment. Don’t limit intimacy to the bedroom only, you can also create a stage for an encore performance in the living room or kitchen. Think of sex as a theatrical piece—you need the right lighting, right mood and sets. Stimulating your creativity as you prepare actually stimulates the sexual drive.
Taking the time out to do things for your lover that shows that you care and respect his feelings is very important. Plan to go to his favorite restaurant, run a simple errand for him or cook him an exquisite meal. Doing something for him out of the blue will surely increase the love he has for you.
Many couples get into patterns when it comes to sex. To break free of the bedroom doldrums, do something adventurous. Take a class together at a sex boutique, go skydiving or do something else that you have never done in bed before, but have always wanted to try.
Creating a romantic dinner together with specific foods can actually form deeper bonds. Chocolate, for example, contains the chemical Phenethylamine (PEA) which is responsible for the feeling of being in love. Avocados boost both the male and female libido.
Using your imagination always gives a great boost to your sex life. If you consciously take on a fantasy role in the bedroom, the level of intimacy is heightened when you come back to your more traditional roles in the relationship. Try role-playing as an erotic masseuse and client or as a captor and captive.
In today’s world, women are becoming stronger than ever and it takes a lot to let down our guards, especially if we’ve been hurt before. But, letting the walls around you melt and allowing your partner to penetrate you emotionally and physically are some of the best things you can do in a relationship. Share your deepest feelings with him and allow him to get to know all the different facets of your personality.
Curated by Erbe
Dancing the Horizontal Mambo
As a sexual addiction and intimacy disorders specialist, I am often asked about the frequency of sex. Couples want to know what is “healthy.” Usually, they’re afraid they’re either having way too much sex or not nearly enough. Either way, it’s a legitimate concern that can easily lead to stress, anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues and even the end of an otherwise successful relationship. A quick online search will bring up a huge volume of statistics — most of them not scientifically generated — regarding the frequency of sex among long-term, committed couples. The numbers presented in these “studies” vary widely, depending on the source and what the author is trying to promote. So in this instance, Google, Yahoo, Bing and similar search engines are somewhat useless.
Probably the best source for scientifically reliable data on this topic comes fromGeneral Social Survey, which has tracked American sexual behaviors since the 1970s. According to the GSS, married couples have sex an average of 58 times per year. However, this number lumps 25-year-old newlyweds into the same pool as senior citizens who’ve celebrated their golden anniversary, and it does not include unmarried long-term couples. There may or may not be much difference in the sexual behaviors of married and unmarried committed couples, but there is almost certainly a difference between young newlyweds and their grandparents, which means the 58 times per year number is not overly-meaningful. Recent GSS surveys support this assertion, showing that couples in their 20s have sex 111 times per year on average, with frequency dropping steadily, about 20 percent per decade, as couples age. In other words, young couples have sex slightly more than twice per week on average, with the number declining steadily over time.
OMG! My Numbers Are Off!
If you just read the statistics provided above and thought, “Uh-oh, there is something wrong with me/us,” you’re not alone. Maybe you and your partner have done it 10 times this week and it’s only Tuesday, or maybe you’ve not been physically intimate since your neighbor’s last Fourth of July party. Either way, there is no need to freak out. You’re not necessarily hyper-sexed if you’re well above the norm, nor are you automatically under-sexed if you’re far below the norm. Human sexual arousal patterns cut a very wide swath in terms of what people like to do and how often they like to do it. And frequency of sexual arousal and behavior can be influenced by any number of factors, including:
• Age
• Life circumstances
• Physical and emotional health
• Medications
• Having children at home
• Hormonal imbalance
• Recent losses and grief
• Substance use and abuse
• Workload and stress
• Relationship status
• A history of previous trauma or abuse
• Diminished physical attraction and a corresponding lack of intimacy
• Secrets and lack of relationship trust
The simple truth is that everyone is different and there is not a “norm” for sexual behavior. Some people are heterosexual; others are homosexual or bisexual. Some people are into a fetish or kink; others are relatively “vanilla.” Some people like to get it on a lot; others can take it or leave it. That’s the way it is, that’s who we are and there is nothing inherently right or wrong with any of it. As long as your sexual behavior (or lack of it) isn’t illegal, affecting your self-esteem, troubling to your relationship or leading to negative life consequences, why worry?
Sexless and Happy? Really? Sure. Maybe.
People who are having a lot of sex are usually pretty OK with that. Typically, they only worry about things if they are sexually addicted and their carnal compulsivity is causing problems. Frankly, most couples who worry about frequency of sex tend to fear their frequency is significantly below the curve, so to speak. This is especially true for couples who qualify as “sexless.”
Generally speaking, a sexless marriage is one in which a committed couple has sex less than 10 times per year. About 15 to 20 percent of long-term couples fall into this category. This may or may not be an issue, depending on the couple. Some couples, especially older pairs who’ve been together a long time, are perfectly fine with once or twice a year or even not at all, thank you very much. Not having sex doesn’t mean these couples aren’t deeply in love, monogamously committed and happy together. It just means that sex isn’t as high a priority for them as it is for some of their friends, neighbors or people they see on TV and in the movies.
That said, many couples do find infrequent sex to be an issue. In fact, numerousstudies have shown that lack of sex corresponds directly with marital instability and thoughts of leaving a relationship. Sometimes one person’s sex drive just doesn’t match his or her partner’s sex drive. This issue often arises in couples counseling. Sometimes both partners want to be sexual, but one (or both) is not interested in sex with his or her spouse. This can be caused by any number of factors, including lingering resentments, lack of emotional intimacy, diminished physical attraction, differing sexual interests, etc. Lack of sexual interest may also be the result of an underlying psychological condition such as depression, anxiety, drug or alcohol addiction, a behavioral addiction, low self-esteem, unresolved childhood trauma, an attachment deficit disorder, etc. And there is always the possibility that one partner may be having an affair. Let’s face it: If a person is getting his or her sexual needs met on the side (with regular porn use or in-vivo), he or she is likely to be less interested in sex at home.
Should You Be Worried?
Happily, less sex does not automatically equate to less love, happiness and fulfillment. For most couples, especially those who’ve been together for a number of years, companionship, reliability and a sense of mutual trust are far more meaningful than a lot of hot, sweaty sex. Sure, there are couples out there who’ve been married for 30 years who’re still hot for each other, and good for them. For the rest of us, our libidos tend to droop in tandem with our aging body parts. Diminishing hormone levels, the aging process
and the distractions of life tend to lower our sex drives (and our ability to perform), and there’s not a whole lot we can do about it.
Of course, if you and your partner have gone several weeks or even months without sex and the lack of activity is troubling you, you may want to consider some changes. Usually a little bit of effort is enough to revive a flagging sex life, especially if the emotional connection between you and your partner remains strong. Often in such cases the real issue is that things have gone a little stale. If you find that to be the case in your relationship, try one or more of the following tips:
• Schedule it. Sure, this sounds horribly unromantic, but really it’s quite the opposite. Setting aside and committing to a time to be emotionally and physically intimate gives you and your partner something to look forward to. Plan a relaxing shower and mutual massage as part of foreplay. After all, who doesn’t look forward to a massage? Couples who search together for the right scent of massage oil are off to a great start.
• Mix it up. Perhaps you’ve always had that special secret fantasy, but you’ve never mentioned it or acted on it. Now is the time to talk about it with your partner. Who knows, maybe he or she is willing to try it. And be sure to ask about his or her secret fantasy. It might be a turn-on for you, too. Just make sure that if you both say yes, you really mean to say yes. No regrets, please.
• Go away. If you’ve always done it in the bedroom, try the kitchen, or a hotel, or a cruise ship, or a cabin in the woods. It’s amazing what a little change of venue can do for a stale sex life. Many couples take frequent weekends or holidays just for this purpose.
• Be romantic. Give your partner a gift “just because.” Write a list of things you love about your partner and give it to him or her. Plan a surprise date that involves an activity you know your partner enjoys (even if it’s not your favorite thing to do). Take your art-lover wife to a museum, your sports-junkie husband to a pro football game.
It is also important to recognize that you and your partner can be physically intimate without actually having sex. Holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes, cuddling, spooning, massage and just taking the time to listen to your loved one’s feelings can all serve to build emotional closeness. Plus, all of the above are terrific forms of sexual foreplay should you wish to go all the way.
Still Striking Out?
If you’ve tried the above tips and things still aren’t happening, you may want to seek the assistance of a medical doctor and/or a couple’s counselor. It is wise to rule out any potential physical or medical problems before considering relationship-based or psychological issues. If the problem is physical- – erectile dysfunction, for instance — medication may help. If it turns out the problem is not medical/physical, trained sex therapists can talk you through the emotional and psychological issues that may be holding you back. These caring professionals can be found via websites likewww.aasect.org.
The most important thing to remember here is that sex is not the be-all, end-all in relationships. Yes, it is a healthy way for couples to bond emotionally. As such, a regular sex life can be an important contributor to overall health and happiness. That said, non-genital touch, massage, hugs, holding, talking and emotional intimacy are every bit as effective as sex in terms of developing closeness and relationship trust. They just come without any fireworks at the end. As long as both partners in a relationship are open about their feelings and physical needs and both are satisfied with the frequency and quality of their sexuality, the couple can not only survive, but thrive.
Curated by Erbe
Ok, you don’t really need reasons, but we’ve got a few anyway! Sex isn’t just pleasurable, there are numerous physical and mental health benefits that come with it. So what are you waiting for? Follow these instructions and get busy!
You and your partner are relaxing together on a Saturday night. One person gets horny, and suddenly things start to heat up.
Once the clothes come off, don’t just have sex right away. You have to be intimate with your partner and let it happen naturally. Enjoy the buildup to sex; engage in foreplay.
Foreplay not only helps you get more intimate with your partner, but also makes things lively in bed. It’s something both you and your partner should have fun with. Whether it’s cuddling, touching, or kissing, foreplay is important because it makes sex more enjoyable.
Foreplay is about building an emotional connection and getting the excitement going, according to Everyday Health.
Being emotionally connected to your partner can give you some of the best feelings ever, and the intimacy will bring you both closer to one another once you’re done. If you and your partner never discussed what you both like and don’t like sexually, then talking about it will make things easier. When you establish what you want, then foreplay should become fun for both you and your partner.
Once you both talk about what you specifically want from each other, go all the way with it. Kiss your partner all over their body. Touch the spots of their body that make them tingle inside. Experiment with each other.
What would sex be without foreplay? I’m pretty sure it would be boring. If you and your partner neglect to engage in foreplay, then you should consider getting into it if the sex isn’t that good.
Before sex, you want to make sure that you are really aroused.You and your partner should probably do everything sexual to keep the excitement going. However, you don’t have to do this for hours (unless you really need it). A few minutes or more is all it should take to get both of you aroused.
Without foreplay, it would just be a “quickie” instead of long-lasting, amazing sex. If you skip out on foreplay, then you’re missing out on the “warmup” to good sex. Foreplay is like the buildup to the finale in a good movie. It makes the climax better. Not to say that your expectations of foreplay should be similar to my analogy, but it should feel special to everyone in some way.
So don’t be afraid to do sexual things with your partner. If you both know what you want, then engage in foreplay before sex. If you don’t, you’re missing out on what could be really exciting for both you and your partner. Sex should be great for both of you and foreplay is just the beginning of what could turn out amazingly.
Curated by Erbe
Most people fundamentally misunderstand sexual desire, Emily Nagoski writes in her new book, Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, mistakenly thinking that spontaneous desire — an urge for sex that comes seemingly out of nowhere — is the default mode of arousal.
But for many people, and perhaps especially (though not exclusively!) for women, it just doesn’t work that way.
Nagoski elaborated in a recent interview with New Scientist:
If sex is a drive then desire should be spontaneous, like a hunger. When you see a sexy person or have a stray sexy thought, it activates an internal craving or urge for sex. That’s called “spontaneous desire”. It feels like it comes out of the blue. But there is another way of experiencing desire which is also healthy and normal, called “responsive desire”, where your interest only emerges in response to arousal. So, your partner comes over and starts kissing your neck and you’re like, “oh, right, sex, that’s a good idea”.
Nagoski further explains, “A drive is a motivational system to deal with life-or-death issues, like hunger or being too cold. You’re not going to die if you don’t have sex.”
And the distinction is important, Nagoski said, because those who don’t often experience spontaneous desire may secretly worry that something is wrong with them, a mode of thinking that does not exactly help to put one in the mood. “Spontaneous desire is totally fun,” Nagoski said to New Scientist. “But you’re not broken just because you’re not experiencing it.”
Curated by Michael
We’ve all, at some point, gone through a rough patch in our sex lives.
You may have confessed your struggles to your girlfriends over brunch (à la “Sex and the City”), or you may have kept this to yourself. Even if you were brave enough to ask your friends for advice, they are not licensed professionals in this area.
I sat down with Dr. Teesha Morgan, Vancouver-based Sex Therapist and Couples Counselor, armed with questions from the busy women that I connect with throughSecondhand Therapy. I was determined to nab some insights that would help everybody out.
What is the most common issue in sex therapy for couples that are in long-term relationships?
Dr. Teesha revealed that the number one struggle for couples who come to her with intimacy issues is that one person has a higher libido that the other. Couples come to her wanting to know that there is hope down the road for resolving this.
At the beginning of the relationship, Dr. Teesha explains, there is a honeymoon stage. It can feel devastating to couples when they have moved past this initial stage, but Dr. Teesha helps them to see that there are many other stages of intimacy that they will go through within their relationship. Some couples require a professional to help guide them through the next stages of physical intimacy.
How do you start to address differences in sex drive?
“Intimacy is a broad spectrum,” Dr. Teesha stated. This spectrum extends both inside and outside of the bedroom.
Having goals and expectations for ourselves in the bedroom can set us up for failure. Approaching physical intimacy with the mindset of, “What can we create today?” has been liberating for many couples that she works with.
She also explains that women tend to need foreplay before they start to feel desire or drive. Masters & Johnson created the linear framework of the Sexual Response Cycle, but it was a model based mainly on the male sex drive. It turns out that for most women, desire/drive comes AFTER foreplay (based on research by Rosemary Basson). This means that most women need our partner to initiate foreplay in order for the desire to have sex kicks in. It is therefore crucial to communicate with our partners what we consider foreplay.
If couples are really struggling to re-connect, she will walk them through a series ofsensate focus exercises, which encourage couples to focus on various sensations. These exercises progress through G-rated to the R-rated sense-based experiences. Couples pause to re-evaluate their feelings and reactions at each stage.
How do you get past seeing sex as one more obligation that you have to fulfill?
Dr. Teesha tackled this question from a few different angles.
First, she referred to Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, and explained that if our “love tank” is empty, sex can start to feel like an obligation. This requires that our partner understands our primary love language: acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, physical affection or quality time.
Second, women tend to “view sex as something that they are doing for someone else.” If we are able to shift our mindset to view sex (or physical intimacy) as something pleasurable we are doing for ourselves, this can shift the power dynamic for couples. Sex becomes less about the giving and more about experiencing pleasure for ourselves.
Why are vibrators for women and porn for men such a big deal for so many straight, monogamous couples?
There can be a lot of shame attached, according to Dr. Teesha, especially stemming from family, culture and religion. Once we work past the shame, there are some considerations about the impact on the relationship.
Dr. Teesha encourages couples to consider if they are using it as a substitute. If so, why and what is the intention? Has this become a problem in the relationship?
If there is a major dissonance between what we are using to get turned on in private and what is happening in the bedroom, there is opportunity for a wedge to be created within the relationship.
Is there one major indicator that determines if a couple will make it?
I wasn’t sure if Dr. Teesha would point to a sex-related indicator, but I figured she would have a lot of insight after working with so many couples.
It turns out that she would want to see the couple fight. She explains, it’s not if we are fighting, it’s how we fight that determines the success of the relationship.
She refers to the book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Nan Silver, and their concept of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. Gottman and Silver teach that if an argument is escalated using one of the four horseman (criticism, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling), this can introduce a toxicity to a relationship that will make it difficult for it to survive long-term.
What if we have tried everything and are still struggling?
Some couples get caught in a cycle and need professional intervention to move past an issue. A licensed professional can help to mediate and also help to determine if this is something to be worked through individually or as a couple. According to Dr. Teesha, 25% of the couples that come in to see her, a red flag comes up during their initial interview and she ends of doing a series of one-on-one sessions with an individual.
A sex therapist has specific and tangible tools to deal with certain things that a regular family counsellor would not necessarily have. For example, most family therapists would not be trained in specific techniques to deal with something like premature ejaculation.
A call to action!
If any of this information has challenged your perspective or assumptions, make sure you discuss this with your significant other. If you are having trouble communicating, consider working with a licensed professional to help you navigate these delicate conversations.
Curated by Erbe
Sex feels fabulous at any age. But what’s not as well known is that a regular roll in the hay can also add up to eight years to your life expectancy. Yes! You heard right. By burning some calories in the bedroom, you can add some more years to live.
Studies show that having sexual intercourse regularly improves hormone levels, heart health and brain power and revs up your immune system, so you can hold on to your youth while you enjoy yourself. Research shows that the more orgasms you have, the longer you can expect to live. Being bad was never so good, right?
It’s not just the amount of sex you’re having that counts when it comes to adding years to your life – it is the quality, too. A study discovered that a powerful orgasm is equivalent to a shot of Valium, a drug that relieves bodily stress, and works as a good relaxant. Added to that, it can also increase the body’s infection-fighting cells by up to 20%
Several studies have shown that happily married couples are likely to live longer than singles or those who are in negative relationships. Even more impressive is the fact that having regular orgasms make men twice as likely to live into old age as those who don’t have sex, and women to live up to eight years longer.
Also women who have two orgasms a week are up to 30% less likely to develop heart diseases.
So, make the most of it and boost your orgasm potential by investing in a good sexual intercourse.
Years added +08
Cuddling up to your partner isn’t just an enjoyable aspect of good sex – it also helps to release the ‘bonding hormone’ Oxytocin, which has been linked to life expectancy.
Research has found that Oxytocin can dramatically boost longevity. So, people who are in good relationships are less vulnerable to chronic diseases and even depression.
So, make the most of it by cuddling up with your lover after sex. This will also add intimacy to your relationship. A sensual massage, lots of stroking and intimate touches will help you go a long way in keeping your relationship alive. Also, studies show that Oxytocin is produced in greater quantities with a familiar partner.
Years added +07
To enjoy good sex, it helps if you’re in the mood — which is why brain chemicals are so important. A lack of desire is the result of a reduction in one of the four brain chemicals – Dopamine, Acetylcholine, GABA and Serotonin. To get them up to speed again, certain herbs and spices can also help.
For Dopamine, which enhances mood and confidence, try basil, black pepper, chillies, cumin, garlic, ginger and turmeric. Acetylcholine helps improve alertness and focus so try all-spice, basil, peppermint, sage and thyme. GABA, a natural anti-depressant, is found in alcohol, so just one or two glasses of red wine will do the trick. Serotonin boosts happiness and relaxation, so try turkey, bananas and chocolate.
So, make the most of it by cooking up a light vegetable curry served with saffron rice to get you in the mood.
Years added +10
Exercise helps keep you fit. It also improves circulation and muscle tone and staves off the ageing process. Good news is that sex provides almost all the same benefits as regular exercise, without having to hit the treadmill. It increases circulation and metabolism and burns about 30 calories for 20 minutes of reasonably active sex. That means in an hour you’ve burnt off a glass of wine or a couple of biscuits.
Middle-aged women who have weekly sex have been found to have twice the bone-protecting Oestrogen levels of those who don’t.
So, make the most of it by keeping sex fun by trying new positions. If you always do it in missionary, speed up your heart rate by going on top for a change.
Years added +10
It really is a case of use it or lose it. And having sex at least once a week will keep your hormones, heart and brain in top condition. And the more you have, the better the benefits. Men who have sex three or more times a week reduce their risk of heart attack or stroke by 50%. It’s largely a myth that sex can trigger heart attacks, but if you’re worried, don’t overdo the aerobics and you’ll still get the benefit of powerful relaxation hormones. Regular sex releases ‘feel good’ Endorphins at any age, as well as easing stress.
Years added +2
Wondering what foods can actually make for better sex? Then look no further. We have all the dishes that can crank up the heat in bed and can provide the spark to your lackluster sexual appetite and increase your libido. Take a look.
How much sex will make you a master?
It can be a long, hard, slow, exquisite road to sexual mastery. One that, according to Malcolm Gladwell’s ideas on developing expertise in anything, takes 10,000 hours to travel.
If you are adhering to my weekly sex date rule, and Dr. Oz’s 200 orgasms a year prescription—even better if they are 4-hour orgasms—and you throw in a monthly sex weekend, you will be well on your way.
Self-pleasuring counts. As does reading, discussion, fantasy-sharing, phone sex, webcam adventures and the like.
Even still, you may need to up your commitment to sexual mastery. Given that the study is such a rewarding one, leading to genius, immortality, radiant health and spiritual ascension, it is time very well spent.
Here are some suggestions to hone your talents and release what lies within:
1) Study.
Their lips. Their eyes. Their breath. The shape, texture, taste and scent of every inch of them.
“I never knew I wanted to be a geographer until I saw your body.” ~ Autumn Sonnichshen
As you pause and linger over every nuance of your lover, you truly see them. That level of nakedness and vulnerability is the key to the hottest and most life-changing sex possible.
When you focus your attention so that you are present to every energetic fluctuation in between you, you slow down time. Your lovemaking becomes an intuitive dance rather than a pre-choreographed strategy.
2) Absorb their wisdom.
Yes. Every ounce of it.
Sexual fluids are potent elixirs. They are infused with your concentrated yin and yang essences. Ingesting them has a profoundly balancing and nourishing effect.
Ancient cultures collected male and female ejaculate to imbibe after an encounter: a power drink, if you will. Ditch the Red Bull and save a ton of money on those superfoods you love so much: you can harvest your own! Bottoms up, kids.
The act of devouring all aspects of your lover: literally drinking them in, is healing and bonds you more deeply.
3) Mentor under someone you admire.
The quality of admiration is overlooked in relationship. If I look back at the people I have been with, the degree to which I admired them—truly respected who they were and their contributions to the world—is the degree to which I have utterly succumbed.
You’ve probably had the experience of getting into “The Zone” in some part of your life. It’s that area where everything flows naturally, often found in sports, physical activity (like yoga!) or a creative act. We tap into a space where we are uncensored, natural and preternaturally gifted, even genius, at what we are engaged with.
Aim for this in your sex life: both in your emotional connection with your partner and physically.
Keep going until you get there. If you approach every conversation and sexual act as an experience that can bring you transcendence, then you will breakthrough to the other side into “The Zone.” It is here that what you’ve created takes on a life of its own.
Think of it like going running when you haven’t been out in a while. The first fifteen minutes can be grueling and feel like every lift of your leg is work. After a while, the run begins to carry you. (That, and the endorphins—much like sex).
It can be like this with sticky conversations that need to be had. At first, it feels awkward and clunky. Then you get some momentum going and you slide into a beautiful, intimate, raw space with each other. This is the golden zone.
It happens in physical sex too—you may take 15 or 30 minutes to truly find your rhythm with each other, but when you do, aim to stay there as long as possible.
This is where you learn from the act: it becomes your teacher. You begin to channel a flow and internal wisdom (your body knows) that comes from the deepest parts of you.
The best lovers aren’t made through a series of books and classes (though they don’t hurt). They are grown through the deepening of awareness, fearlessness and the ability to stay present in each moment.
Uncover. Get naked. Explore. Follow the flow.
And those 10,000 hours will pass by in the blink of an eye.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article
Positions that feel great and ease back pain? Let’s go!
When it comes to sex, positioning is key — and the more sex positions you have in your arsenal, the better.
Of course, your sexual positions have to ensure that your girl enjoys herself, so comfort is key, especially if she suffers from regular back pain. Besides, who wants to get a cramp or feel like their kneecap’s breaking all in the name of an orgasm?
A recent study (the first of its kind) carried out at Waterloo University focused on how the spine moves during sex and tried to find the best positions that will please your partner and ease her back pain.
Basically, if your lady experiences pain after sitting for a long time, she’s flexion-intolerant, and side-by-side or doggy-style are the way to go. If, on the other hand, she feels pain when she arches her back or is down on her stomach, she’s extension-intolerant, and missionary is what you’ll want to play around with.
That said, it’s time to check out five awesome sex positions that encourage slow rhythm and a highly penetrative tempo!
This is a female superior position AKA the kind of position most guys like best.
Get into it: Whether it’s a coffee table or a lounge chair, find a place where you can lie down and let your legs hang off the edge, while your girl gets to place her legs on either side, and stand on her feet to maneuver on top of you. Place your hands on her hips while she moves up and down, side to side, or even in a figure-eight swivel.
This is a male superior position that you’re guaranteed to enjoy immensely.
Get into it: While you kneel, rest your woman’s heels against your shoulders. This position allows you to enjoy different levels of penetration. For an added bonus, place a pillow under her butt and give her an orgasm that’ll make her knees weak. Luckily, she’s lying down.
Continue to the Bamboo Split, the Puppet Master and, of course, the Lock and Pose…
Need help achieving an orgasm with your lover?
These six tips increase your likelihood of happy endings.
Curated by Erbe
Original Source
When you’re a woman who absolutely loves sex, you’re a minority among your female counterparts. You’re a bit like a unicorn, a woman whom men have heard of but have never seen.
To many, you are a myth. In fact, women being sexual creatures in any sense are a myth to most.
The thing is, we definitely are sexual beings despite the conflicting rhetoric society likes to project. We all love a great sexual encounter of the sweaty, steamy variety.
Yet, just like most things, some of us are much more sexual than others.
A highly sexual woman is just like any other woman. We’ve embraced our sexuality, and we own it. We want sex just as much, if not more than men do.
We’re lustful and fantasize just as much as the male population. We refuse to find shame in our desires, no matter who tries to ostracize us.
We’re sexually insatiable, and while the guys we date may think that’s just fantastic, it ends up being more of a struggle.
Suddenly, you’re the one trying to jump your boyfriend at every turn. Suddenly, you’re the one coming on to HIM all the time.
Not to mention, the good people of society would delightedly go on a witch hunt if they knew about your less-than-kosher sexual desires.
We’re told to embrace our sexuality by liberal media and yet, told to hide it by everyone else. What’s with this double standard?
Why should a guy get to romp around from bed to bed and face no social consequences, and a girl can’t even have a little fun? What is a gal to do?
These are 11 struggles every highly sexual woman faces on a regular basis:
You’ve always been told a woman is the one who is pursued for intercourse in a relationship. This has never been the case for you.
You often find your boyfriend just cannot physically keep up with you. If you had your way, you’d be getting it on three times a day.
All of this “three times a week is the average” bullsh*t makes no sense to you. Therefore, when your boyfriend tells you he doesn’t want sex, you can’t help but feel really hurt and offended.
Why would a guy not want to have sex with you? It makes you feel like you’re not sexy, especially in such a vulnerable position
Your vibrators come in all shapes and sizes, colors and intensity levels. You know how each of them works in its own special way, and you love each individually.
None of your friends understand why you could possibly need such an extensive collection, but you know better.
They all have a specific, different purpose. You’re looking for more than just your average stimulation and a halfhearted orgasm.
On top of all of this complicated tomfoolery, you constantly run out of AA batteries and end up spending more money to replace them than you do on shoes.
You deal with the stigma of being called a slut and a whore on the regular. You feel like the world is breathing down your neck, constantly attempting to stamp a scarlet A on your chest.
You’re in a constant battle between wanting to be proud of your sexual fearlessness and the labels society has historically tarnished sexual women with.
They don’t know whether they’ve hit the ultimate jackpot or gotten in way over their heads. You’re always down for the freaky stuff, which is awesome, but your sexual insatiability can be intimidating.
You don’t care enough to worry if you’re emasculating a man with your high drive.
He can just get over it or get out. Guys want sex, but once they meet you, it’s a head-trip. You’re putting out constantly. What does he have to complain about?
Both your friends and your boyfriends have referred to you as a “sex addict.” You inform them that a sex addict is someone who goes out and f*cks everything he or she sees, often unsafely.
You are simply a woman who loves to have sex. That doesn’t make you an addict. It makes you a human being.
This is one of the nicest parts about being so sexual. Your friends feel like they can live vicariously through your many sexual endeavors.
They also trust you enough to come to you with all of their questions about sex. You always have the answers because there are very few things you haven’t given a try.
Anything the girls need to know, they know you’re the person to see.
You sexuality spills into every facet of your life, especially your humor. You can’t help but make every joke sexual. Everything from pencils, cucumbers and forearms can be metaphors for dicks.
You manage to make even the most innocent of exchanges dirty. But hey, you don’t have a dirty mind — just a sexy imagination.
Unlike most of your female counterparts, you have no problem taking your emotions out of the act of sex. You can have sex just like a man.
To you, sex is a fun, pleasurable activity. It doesn’t need to be fraught with feelings. You’re a busy woman who doesn’t have time to deal with drama. You just want to get off and get back to your lengthy to-do list.
Even the most mundane things can be a turn on. Whether it is a cute guy eating an ice cream cone or an expected breeze whipping up your skirt, you find it takes very little to get you hot and bothered.
You often find yourself at home with your boyfriend (either robotic or human) getting it on before dinnertime. When you’re at work or out with friends, you consciously remind yourself to keep your mind off sex.
F*ck yoga. Nothing in this world could relax you the way sex does. Sure, you enjoy the catharsis of a bottle of wine and Netflix on occasion, but you’d much rather be indulging in a hump sesh than a romcom.
It also serves as your main source of exercise. Any cardio that comes with an orgasm is all right by you.
You’re always safe, but a number is just a number. You’re not ashamed, and you shouldn’t have to be.
As long as you’re careful with your sexual health, you will continue to enjoy yourself and let your freak flag fly.
You go, girl. You go.
Curated by Tatiana
Original Article
Have better orgasms, make love for longer and more with some smart scheduling
Timing is important for, say, landing a dream job or catching a sale. But here’s some intimate info: It’s also crucial when it comes to sex! You’ve probably heard that the ideal time of the month to get pregnant is when you’re ovulating (usually in the middle of your menstrual cycle,between day 11 and 21, depending on the person), but you may not realize that certain times of the day, month and year are best for other sexual goals. For a more satisfying sex life, here’s when to get busy if you…
This may sound counterintuitive, but the day you’re most likely to experience a mind-bending orgasm is actually the day before you get your period, according to Laurie Watson, a sex therapist and couples counselor in Raleigh, NC, and author of Wanting Sex Again. “When blood accumulation makes your uterus heavy, contractions are more perceptible during orgasm, and your labial and clitoral tissue tends to be more sensitive when you retain fluids,” says Watson. “Convince yourself to give sex a shot, even if you’re feeling grouchy and uncomfortable, because it may cheer you right up,” she suggests.
The top time is between Christmas and New Year’s Day, when you and your husband are likely out of the office. “When you have no work pressures and are spending many hours with your mate, it’s easier to have luxurious, unhurried sex that lasts and lasts,” says Terence Watts, a psychotherapist based in the U.K. who specializes in psychosexual problems. “A slow build-up is key. Flirt with your husband in the morning by whispering in his ear, and then make lots of eye contact with him during meals.”
As you’ve likely noticed, men often wake up with erections, says Amy Levine, a sexologist based in New York City and the founder of IgniteYourPleasure.com. So instead of making him wait all day, set your alarm for 10 minutes earlier on a work day and have a quickie first thing in the morning. You might enjoy it more, too. “As women age, they tend to get more tired at night, so evening sex is less desirable,” says Watson. In other words, you have more energy for a crack-of-dawn romp than a late-night one.
If you can get past the ick factor, making love while you’re on your period can actually reduce uncomfortable cramps, says Levine. “It may be because an orgasm causes uterine contractions, which ease pain, and your body releases the hormone oxytocin and the neurotransmitter dopamine, which make you feel happy and relaxed.” If you can expect sex when Aunt Flo shows, you just may look forward to your time of month!
Get it on after you’ve broken a sweat. A study from the University of Florida found that people who exercise without losing fat or gaining strength or endurance feel just as much body confidence as those who get fitter. So even if you don’t look different from your workout, you think you do, according to the research. That improved self-esteemcould make you freer between the sheets. Maybe you’ll even leave the lights on!
Plan an unforgettable evening during a steamy time of year, like July or August in most parts of the country, because you’ll have more opportunities to get it on discreetly outside, like in your yard or on your roof, says Levine. Being outdoors means you’ve already left your comfort zone, so you may be more likely to think outside the box. “Plus, sunshine boosts serotonin in the brain, which improves your mood, so you may enjoy yourself more,” says Tammy Nelson, PhD, a sex and relationship expert in New Haven, CT, and author of Getting the Sex You Want.
Schedule a weekend date night when you don’t have a work commitment and are less exhausted. You don’t even have to leave the house! Put on some mellow music, order in and take a breather together from the hectic week to enjoy each other’s company. Consider asking a friend or relative to take the kids out—the more romantic and relaxed the environment, the more you set the stage for amazing sex. “Focus on quality over quantity,” recommends Watts.
The longer you’ve been with your partner, the harder it is to be creative in the bedroom. And missionary style every Saturday night can get a little boring. To mix things up, set an alarm for 3 A.M. and straddle your spouse in the middle of the night, recommends Levine. We’re pretty sure he won’t mind being woken up.
Summertime means party time—especially with weddings. These six-hour affairs are romantic and fun, but also draining. “By the time a wedding’s over, couples come home feeling too full, too drunk or too tired, and those factors can sabotage sex,” says Watson. If your calendar’s chock full of nuptials, it may be tough to get action. Why wait until midnight? Fool around before you leave for the event, and you’ll be glowing on the dance floor all night.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article
