NANCY AND ARTEM:
Seeing 2-time Olympian skater Nancy Kerrigan on the show WITHOUT Tanya Harding competing against her, seems a bit disappointing. That’s like having Garfunkel on the show, without Simon. Or Sears without Robuck. Or Ernie without Bert. Or maybe I just really want to see ole’ Harding act a fool and be a poor sport each time she gets a bad score. In any case, Nancy and Artem are very sweet together, and Artem seems to have a lot of respect and admiration for her, which is lovely. Judge Bruno said: “There was nothing frozen about that!” These are the kind of lazy puns we have come to expect on this show from the judges, and honestly, they should be judged on their lack of creativity at this point. Carrie Ann muttered something about: “I’m not quite sure what to do with your eyes!” Huh? No idea what that means. Put the wine bottle down, Carrie Ann.
Judges Scores: 7/7/7/7
Love Meter Score: They’re getting a score of “JUST OUT OF THE OVEN BROWNIES.” Warm. Inviting. Delicious. Good with milk. But if you have too much, it’s a bit nauseating.
CHRIS AND WITNEY:
Oh my. This one was a doozy. From their first few seconds together after finding out they were indeed dance partners, the chemistry between these two was more awkward than Trump and the German Chancellor. Or Trump and Obama. Or Trump and Melania. Chris Kattan, a former and generally well-known cast member of “Saturday Night Live”, had to explain who he is to his pro dance partner, Witney, who is about 11 years old and has never heard of him. There is nothing more awkward than being famous, and having to explain to someone else who you are, what you have done, and why you are famous. Especially when they say: “Never heard of you”, in that casual way. The only thing worse than watching them talk to one another in rehearsal footage, was watching them dance. Oh my. It was as if someone just literally threw them out there together on the dance floor, put on random music, and said: “Okay, now just act like you’re having a seizure! Yes! Good! Now do that with absolutely no basic understanding of rhythm or timing! Yes! Excellent!” As I watched the 45 seconds of torture, I asked myself repeatedly: “What is happening?” The judges agreed. Bruno said it looked like a cha-cha during a hangover. Len said: “the best thing about that dance is that I don’t have to ever watch it again.” Ouch!
As an added bonus of awkward, the backstage interview between Chris Kattan and Erin Andrews was uncomfortable to watch. He kept stepping on her words, she stepped on his, and there was lots of empty air-space and pity. I’m already squirming in my seat about having to watch these two again next week.
Judge’s Scores: 5/4/4/4 (Yikes!)
Love Meter Score: I’m giving this couple a strong “WHAT THE **** WAS THAT???” score. Their chemistry is off-the-charts awful. I’m pretty sure there is no chart that exists for that kind of cringe-factor. Most people who go on this show, end up feeling better about themselves in lots of ways. Its a confidence boost. Not Kattan. He looked like he wanted to be almost anywhere else, except there, with the partner who has no clue who he even is.