16. Revenge analytics
The prediction: “We are a culture obsessed with forensic science; introducing ‘relationship forensics.’ This is not the future, but reality: Daters are using sophisticated systems to discover dirt (or rave reviews) about their potential mates. From confessional websites to revenge porn posts to Dirty Phonebook, the internet can be both fierce and forever. Never mind your Digital Death, you need to worry about your Dating Death.”
Actually, in our version of the future, the law cracks down on revenge porn sites, because they ruin women’s lives. Less explicitly offensive online tools, like guy-rating app Lulu, are growing in popularity, but the two don’t exactly cancel each other out. Which is to say, it seems like doing anything dating related in the future has grave online consequences, so you might as well join the Celibacy Syndrome movement and watch some dinosaur porn, because the jerks are out to git ya.
17. Six-second breakups
The prediction: “It’s a story as old as time: boy meets girl; girl becomes Facebook friends with boy; boy and girl hook up after finding each other through Bang With Friends; boy likes some other girl’s Instagram photo; girl unfriends boy; boy Vines his breakup with girl and uploads it to Reddit. Relationships implode as fast as they begin.”
If you’re using something called “Bang With Friends,” perhaps you shouldn’t expect much common courtesy? Although… we wish some of our breakups lasted only six seconds. There are only so many nonstop rude voicemails, bitter text messages, obvious subtweets and maudlin Facebook statuses a girl can take.
18. Artisanal sex toys
The prediction: “With the advent of easy scanning and mobile phones with object recognition software, virtually anything smaller than a breadbox can be scanned. Combined with 3-D printing and new fabrication technologies driven by material innovation, custom and artisanal sex toys take on a whole new dimension.”
Well, who wouldn’t want a vintage-inspired sex toy hewn from locally sourced materials and handcrafted in Brooklyn by a guy with a beard wearing an apron? Do we get an organic kale salad and house-roasted coffee beans with that vibrator? Is it a dildo or a decorative glass-blown sculpture? You decide!
19 Memory sifters
The prediction: “Through life-logging devices such as the Narrative Clip, all aspects of a relationship can be coded and cataloged for review. Imagine reliving your entire relationship, or savoring key moments, with one push of a button.”
We thought that’s what Facebook was for.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article