13. Porn-programmed minds

The prediction: “Large numbers of men are no longer stimulated by real women due to overstimulation by too much pornography. The growth of erectile dysfunction drugs mirrors the growth of porn media, while the U.S. birthrate has dropped. Today, men and women can choose to subsist solely on porn. Cindy Gallop’s ‘Make Love Not Porn’ organization aims to promote ‘real sex’ and bring back a sense of humanity and connection for sexual partners.”

Well, this one is a bummer. But we’re huge advocates of porn that men and women can watch together, especially if guys learn moves other than jackhammer thrusting.

14. ASMR: Mental massages and braingasms

The prediction: “A growing number of people are discovering the benefits of Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. ASMR is a tingling sensation some people feel when exposed to soothing environmental sounds and soft talking. Proponents of the practice use videos and audio recordings to induce these brain tingles and promote relaxation. Prominent ASMR practitioners such as Lilium make their living making ASMR videos — a kind of therapist/digital friend.”

Hello, waste of money! We’ll bet asking your boyfriend to softly coo in your ear is cheaper than hiring an online therapist to whisper sweet nothings to you. Also: nature sounds via CD. That works too. In fact, there are free apps for that! Here’s one.

15. Dinosaur erotica and beyond

The prediction: “How strange can it get? While some of the ‘sex with mythical creatures’ genre was likely inspired by a joke, “Rule 34” is hyperbolically infecting every possible niche of culture. The more absurd and shocking it is, the more viral it goes. Some argue this is having an impact on real life expectations.”

Dinosaur sex?! Why, that’s just offensive. It’s like falling in love with a cold-blooded vampire. Or a shirt-shedding werewolf. Or a fictional businessman who flies helicopters, likes spanking and has an unlimited bank account. Oh, wait.