Predictions about sex, love and tech
Robot sex! DNA dating! Dinosaur porn! New York City’s Museum of Sex (our favorite museum, for obvious reasons) and data analysis firm sparks & honey have compiled a list of 19 predictions for the future of dating, according to current trends. And we’re a little scared.
1. Microbial match
The prediction: “As we continue to map and explore our DNA and individual microbiomes, anticipate services that match people based on both.”
Because nothing says “sexy” like swabbing your cheek and putting a saliva-soaked Q-tip in a Petri dish!
2. Formula one flirting
The prediction: “The rise of instant gratification social media platforms like Snapchat, Vine, Tinder and Grindr have turned courtship into a fast and furious process. Seasoned speed daters find spontaneous snackable video snippets more authentic.”
Mmmmm, snackable video snippets. Did we learn nothing from the Charm, MeetMe and At First Sight apps? Videos of a bro showing off his skillz by dribbling a miniature basketball, a wannabe comedian doing his best Aziz Ansari impression, or some dude trying (and failing) to twerk against a wall aren’t exactly what we’d call appealing. Actually, it’s what we call “watching a stream of the most awkward homemade YouTube videos ever recorded and then giving up on dating completely.” Future, we’re kind of disappointed in you.
3. Selfie scrubbing
The prediction: “We’ve seen a number of auto-correcting retouching services launch, such as Facetune, to fine-tune photos effortlessly. From profile writing to history cleansing, expect perfecting practices to become standard operating procedure for daters of the future.”
Oh, come on, like you’ve never Photoshopped the dark circles under your eyes or chosen the perfect Instagram filter that makes you really, really, really ridiculously good-looking (hmmmm, Kelvin or Nashville?). Besides, no one looks like their online dating profile anyway. Especially not in an age when you can take 1,382 selfies in front of your bathroom mirror and pick the one that accents your eyes but hides your chin. It’s an art form, really.