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How To Be Dominant In The Bedroom
Chances are, your man likes a woman in charge.
Learning how to be dominant in the bedroom is something that I think everyone should learn. While it’s not one of the usual techniques that I teach in the Bad Girl’s Bible, it can help to expand your horizons in the bedroom and help to give you more ideas as to what’s possible with your man. (If you want to learn my best dirty talking tips and techniques for building sexual tension and turning him on, you’ll find them in this powerful video) With this in mind, I want to give you 4 tips on how to be more dominant in the bedroom with your man. I’m going to start easy and then progress to tips that take a bit more effort and courage to try.
There Is Both A Physical & Mental Aspect
The first thing that comes to most people’s minds when they think about being dominant in the bedroom is usually whips and chains. This is certainly a whole lot of fun when dominating your partner, but it’s not always necessary and is on the extreme side of domination. There are much more subtle and sometimes more powerful ways to be dominant over your partner. These range from simply saying something subtle to him like, “I really like it when you do things for me,” to being a bit more aggressive by saying something like, “I’m going to decide when you get to orgasm.”
But that’s just the verbal aspect of being dominant. There is also the physical aspect. This can be something small like giving him some soft, subtle spanks during sex or it can be on the more extreme end, like insisting on woman-on-top sex positions only or even giving him some very dominant oral sex. Speaking of which, if you are looking for my best advice on how to give your man great oral sex, then you should check out this very detailed video tutorial.
Start With A Dominant Sexual Position
Probably the easiest way to introduce being more dominant into the bedroom is through what positions you use during sex. Instead of the usual positions like missionary and doggystyle, where your man is on top and the one in control, try switching to positions where you’re on top and calling the shots.
The obvious position that comes to mind for this is cowgirl, where your man is on his back and you are on top of him, straddling him, but there are other great positions for dominating your man too. These include positions like sofa surprise, where your man is sitting down on a sofa, couch or chair and you straddle him. In this position it’s very hard for him to go anywhere and again, you are the one that’s in control. Now that we have covered some of the physical things, it’s time to learn some of the verbal aspects of dominating your man.
Start To Command
One of the biggest hurdles to dominating your man is that he may start to feel emasculated. If this is the case, then he may try to rebel to try and regain control. The best way to prevent this is to takes things slowly and build up to being more and more dominating. I give you lots of examples of this in this instructional presentation here. So start with giving him small verbal commands and asking him to do favors for you, “Would you mind taking out the trash?” or “Can you go and warm up the bed for me?” or “I want you to make me come first, before you do, okay?” All of these commands are things that are very hard for your man to object to, but they are perfect for laying the groundwork of being more dominant over him.
Once you have mastered using these subtle dominant commands over him, then it’s time to start slowly taking it up a gear and being more demanding of him, “I want to spend the weekend with you, don’t make any plans, okay?” or “I don’t want you wearing that football shirt anymore” or “From now on, you need to ask me for permission to come when we’re having sex.” If you find that it’s hard to get your man to comply with these more intense commands, then it’s best to reel them back a bit, before trying again.
Domination Games
Some of the example commands that I just gave you are quite intense and can be further than you may want to take it with your man. If you are someone who really only wants to dominate your man in the bedroom, then these domination games may very well be up your alley.
- Not A Sound: The next time you are having sex with your man, tell him that you want to play a game. Tell him that you want to try to make him groan with pleasure, but that he isn’t allowed to make a sound. It’s an incredibly simple game to play, but a perfect way to start introducing the idea to him that you are the one in control.
- Pin Him Down: Physically restraining your man can be very hot. Now, I’m not actually talking about pinning his arms over his head with your arms, I’m talking about taking it a little further than that, tying his arms above his head. The best way to introduce this is to simply ask him if he would be interested in trying it out and then getting whatever restraints you need.
Surprising him with some rope and restraints is not such a good idea and can unnerve him, so remember that it’s always better to talk to him about it first.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article
6 Practices to Awaken Your Inner Tantric Lover
We are all born Tantric lovers, because we are all born as divine, loving pure presence.
When most people think of Tantra, they think of the Kama Sutra and a host of awkward sex positions that seem unattainable even to the well-practiced yogi. Many think Tantra is all about sex.
Yes sexuality is a part of Tantra, because Tantra is Love; Tantra is Life. So sexuality obviously falls under this broad category.
Tantra is love. Tantra is connection, presence and conscious relating to one’s self and to another. Tantra combines spirituality and sexuality as a platform to deepen into self-understanding and empowerment, and is a sacred path walked by many.
Living a Tantric life unveils gateways to balancing and integrating our masculine and feminine energies, in order to feel whole again. To feel connected to our truth and infused with copious amounts of love and acceptance. A Tantric life allows one to see the divine and sacred in every living being and experience.
Exploring Tantra also creates space to shine light and heal shame, guilt and suppression — embedded in our society around our sexuality, where the seat of our personal power and creative gifts lie.
So how does one become a Tantric lover?
Bringing Tantra into your life means inviting in more love and presence. And yes, this includes your sex life as well.
Below are six tips on how to infuse the sacred in the bedroom and awaken the Tantric Lover within:
1. Think of love making as a sacred ritual.
Shift your perception from “having sex” to “making love and co-creating with the divine.” Set up your bedroom as a sacred space; a temple. Create an altar in your bedroom with things that are special to you both; things that support the growth of each other and the highest good of all. Add special photos of the two of you, sacred books or other objects for manifestation purposes. Light candles and burn incense. Create a beautiful, nurturing and sensual space.
2. Meditate and set intentions before love making.
Before engaging in love making, take time to sit in meditation together while facing each other. Call forth your highest selves and offer your bodies up to a higher power. Imagine energy forming around the two of you individually, as well as around the both of you. Envision a third co-creative field being created.
Set intentions for the journey together and ask yourselves what you want to offer up to the divine through this act of love making between your bodies. Set clear intentions — individually and collectively — for the relationship.
Shh-do you Sext?
By Susanna Lee
I love sexting. Honestly, no sarcasm, I absolutely love it. Nothing happening on my phone makes me nearly as happy as getting some late night sexts from someone I love. Ah, who am I kidding? I love sexting anytime, day or night. If sexts were food, I’d eat them until my stomach burst. If sexts were a pair of jeans, I’d wear them until they fell apart at the seams. If sexts were a…well, I can’t think of another cute analogy, but I think you get the idea. Those naughty little things make me tingle, and let me know that I’m on your mind in a very specific way, even when I’m not right in front of your face. They convey desire, and we all like the feeling of being wanted. Maybe its willful ignorance, but I just can’t understand why everyone doesn’t love them.
One of my closest friends hates sexting, so I asked why. She said “It’s just creepy.” To which I asked, “Even with someone you’re seeing? How is it creepy to say sexy things to someone whose genitals you’ve had in your mouth?” Then she got honest and to the heart of the matter, “Okay, fine, maybe it’s not creepy, per se, but I’m just not good at it and I don’t want to look like a moron. I mean what if I say something dumb, and he shows his friends?” And there it is. There’s a difference between really disliking something, and just shying away from it out of fear of novice status embarrassment. Sexting is like any other skill set, it takes dedication and practice to master. I want to help you find more confidence in your sexting game, so you can relax and really enjoy it, and I’ve put together a few cheat codes to take some of the time off your learning curve. The visual aids are re-creations of my own most glorious sexting mishaps, to illustrate the points made.
1. Warning shot before beaver shot! Always, and I mean ALWAYS, send a words-only text first, in order to gauge the appropriateness of your lover’s situation before sending out those rockin’ tits. I’m not saying don’t send a hot shot to someone at Sunday mass (in fact, I would encourage it), but you don’t want to send a sexy surprise to someone who’s in the middle of getting fired. Or just had an accident, or at a funeral, etc… Avoid creating a negative association. You don’t want your lover to think about getting rear ended by someone without insurance every time he or she sees your hot ass.
2. K.I.S.S. Keep it sexy, silly! You wouldn’t interrupt in-the-flesh sex to ask about dinner with your parents on Thursday, don’t do it via sext either. Finish what you’ve started, then worry about stuff that happens fully clothed. Also involved in keeping things hot is the language you choose to use. A little babytalk, uttered in a sexy voice with some bats of the eyelashes may be your thing in the actual bedroom, but tone does not transfer to text. In text, your widdle, teeny puss-puss is a big, giant bonerkiller (as that specific phrase would be in real life, too, I just couldn’t think of another because I’m not a babytalker). If you don’t like the words commonly used for body parts, do a tiny bit of research and find ones you can use without cringing. Watch kink, read erotica, even Google it, but use adult words for adult things. Also, don’t put pressure on yourself to reinvent the wheel with sexting. You don’t have to say something to them that no one’s ever said before; they aren’t grading you, or judging you on your originality, so relax, and keep the mood more Barry White than Buffalo Bill. Also, allow for typos, no one wants to sext with a spelling/grammar diva. Give your sweetheart a break, it’s very challenging to text with one hand and not much blood going to the brain.
3. Brevity is the soul of slit. Send short enough texts that they can be read without extensive scrolling, or being broken up into multiple clumps. We all know that iPhone to Android (and vice versa) texts won’t be one smooth message bubble, and sometimes they arrive out of order. That builds frustration, not heat.
4. Patience, Grasshopper… After you send that pic, allow time for the recipient to *fully appreciate* it. There is a definite vulnerability that comes along with sexting, so it’s easy to freak out and imagine the worst when you send a for-your-eyes-only pic and don’t immediately hear back. The minutes feel like hours, and the imagination can be quick to turn your sweet beloved into a villain out to do no good, forwarding your nudie pic to everyone in their phone. They aren’t. They are looking at your picture while they do things to themselves that they wish you were there to do. Bigger picture advice though: Don’t sext (or sex) someone you don’t trust.
5. Check your recipient, check again, and then, check again, again. No explanation needed.
All tips aside, here’s the bottom line: In sexting, as with tactile sex, the hottest thing you can do is enjoy yourself without inhibition. Your partner does not care about perfection, I promise. They aren’t focused on your typos. So stop worrying, put on your big-girl panties (or take them off, rather) and hit send.
What You Really Choose When You Don’t Choose Love
Energy from the perspective of your soul is very different than energy from the perspective of your five senses. Spiritual growth requires understanding the differences between these two perspectives.
From the perspective of the five senses, energy is the ability to do work, to get things done. The more energy you have, the more things you can accomplish. The important questions from this perspective are: How much energy do you have? Are you getting enough sleep? Worrying too much? Do you need more vitamins? Are your mitochondria healthy? People who worry about these things go to physicians, nutritionists and psychologists to get more energy. They don’t want to be sleepy or tired. The problem is physical or psychological. The cure is medicine or psychotherapy.
From the perspective of your soul, the important question is not how much energy you have, but what kind of energy you have. There are only two kinds of energy. Of course, anger, jealousy, resentment, stress, cravings, addictions and compulsions feellike different energies. Each creates its own kind of physical sensations in your body (they hurt) and acting on each creates a particular kind of consequence (destructive and painful). They appear to be different energies, but they are actually different experiences of one kind of energy: fear.
The other kind of energy is love. Different experiences of love can also feel like different energies, for example, appreciation, gratitude, patience, awe of Life and contentment. Each of these also comes with its own physical sensations in your body (they feel good) and acting on each creates a particular kind of consequence (health and joyfulness). So, even though these experiences feel like different energies, they are actually different experiences of one kind of energy: love.
Now the story becomes even more interesting. Some experiences of fear can appear to be experiences of love. For example, romantic love. You long for someone (painful), try to influence this person (painful) and, at last, attract him or her into your life (feels wonderful), but intense pain follows immediately when he or she leaves, dies or falls in love with someone else. The entire drama is created by fear appearing to you as love. This drama is painful and destructive because none of it is love. Love cannot produce pain or destruction.
There are many examples of fear appearing as love. Chaplains, clergy, hospice workers, medical-care professionals and numerous others may appear to be loving, and yet not act consistently from love. Some may act in order to feel better about themselves — to create a desirable self-image, for example, as a caring, patient, philanthropic or altruistic person. When their efforts are not appreciated or are rejected, they feel disappointed (pain), unappreciated (pain) or abused (pain), then resentment (pain) grows until it becomes anger (pain).
When the bottom-line, bedrock, can’t-go-any-deeper reason for an action is to benefit another, the energy beneath your action is love. When the bottom-line, bedrock, can’t-go-any-deeper reason for action is to benefit yourself, the energy beneath your action is fear. Only you can know your real intention, and you may not know it unless you have the courage and commitment to look for it and find it.
There is more energy in love than in fear. You might say it is the highest-octane fuel available. (Not love for this person or that person—love for everyone; love for Life; love for the Earth school and everything in it.) Ram Dass once told me, smiling happily, “I love you. I love her. I love this table. I love the floor. I am in an ocean of love.” Most of us, on the other hand, live in an ocean of fear.
Love is tireless, healing and inexhaustible. It brings people together. It is powerful beyond measure. It is the Great Compassion that Buddhists speak about. It is the “love that surpasses all understanding” that Christians talk about.
Have you thought about energy this way? Have you ever looked at the things you do and say and asked yourself, “Am I doing this from love, or am I doing this from fear?” This is the most important question you can ask yourself because it brings you to the most important choice you can make: the choice between love an fear. Not only is this choice possible, it is the choice you were born to make each moment. Choosing to act with love no matter what is happening inside you (such as painful experiences of fear) and around you (such as a national or international crisis) is creating authentic power. Creating authentic power depends on your choice. Choosing fear almost always happens unconsciously. Choosing love always happens consciously.
Gary Zukav is the author of The Seat of the Soul and you can find more about his work here.
Curated by Erbe
How Sex Can Help You Live Longer
Sex feels fabulous at any age. But what’s not as well known is that a regular roll in the hay can also add up to eight years to your life expectancy. Yes! You heard right. By burning some calories in the bedroom, you can add some more years to live.
Studies show that having sexual intercourse regularly improves hormone levels, heart health and brain power and revs up your immune system, so you can hold on to your youth while you enjoy yourself. Research shows that the more orgasms you have, the longer you can expect to live. Being bad was never so good, right?
Aim for orgasm
It’s not just the amount of sex you’re having that counts when it comes to adding years to your life – it is the quality, too. A study discovered that a powerful orgasm is equivalent to a shot of Valium, a drug that relieves bodily stress, and works as a good relaxant. Added to that, it can also increase the body’s infection-fighting cells by up to 20%
Several studies have shown that happily married couples are likely to live longer than singles or those who are in negative relationships. Even more impressive is the fact that having regular orgasms make men twice as likely to live into old age as those who don’t have sex, and women to live up to eight years longer.
Also women who have two orgasms a week are up to 30% less likely to develop heart diseases.
So, make the most of it and boost your orgasm potential by investing in a good sexual intercourse.
Years added +08
Time to cuddle up
Cuddling up to your partner isn’t just an enjoyable aspect of good sex – it also helps to release the ‘bonding hormone’ Oxytocin, which has been linked to life expectancy.
Research has found that Oxytocin can dramatically boost longevity. So, people who are in good relationships are less vulnerable to chronic diseases and even depression.
So, make the most of it by cuddling up with your lover after sex. This will also add intimacy to your relationship. A sensual massage, lots of stroking and intimate touches will help you go a long way in keeping your relationship alive. Also, studies show that Oxytocin is produced in greater quantities with a familiar partner.
Years added +07
Cook up a storm
To enjoy good sex, it helps if you’re in the mood — which is why brain chemicals are so important. A lack of desire is the result of a reduction in one of the four brain chemicals – Dopamine, Acetylcholine, GABA and Serotonin. To get them up to speed again, certain herbs and spices can also help.
For Dopamine, which enhances mood and confidence, try basil, black pepper, chillies, cumin, garlic, ginger and turmeric. Acetylcholine helps improve alertness and focus so try all-spice, basil, peppermint, sage and thyme. GABA, a natural anti-depressant, is found in alcohol, so just one or two glasses of red wine will do the trick. Serotonin boosts happiness and relaxation, so try turkey, bananas and chocolate.
So, make the most of it by cooking up a light vegetable curry served with saffron rice to get you in the mood.
Years added +10
Work up a sweat
Exercise helps keep you fit. It also improves circulation and muscle tone and staves off the ageing process. Good news is that sex provides almost all the same benefits as regular exercise, without having to hit the treadmill. It increases circulation and metabolism and burns about 30 calories for 20 minutes of reasonably active sex. That means in an hour you’ve burnt off a glass of wine or a couple of biscuits.
Middle-aged women who have weekly sex have been found to have twice the bone-protecting Oestrogen levels of those who don’t.
So, make the most of it by keeping sex fun by trying new positions. If you always do it in missionary, speed up your heart rate by going on top for a change.
Years added +10
More, more, more!
It really is a case of use it or lose it. And having sex at least once a week will keep your hormones, heart and brain in top condition. And the more you have, the better the benefits. Men who have sex three or more times a week reduce their risk of heart attack or stroke by 50%. It’s largely a myth that sex can trigger heart attacks, but if you’re worried, don’t overdo the aerobics and you’ll still get the benefit of powerful relaxation hormones. Regular sex releases ‘feel good’ Endorphins at any age, as well as easing stress.
Years added +2
6 Benefits of Cuddling With Your Partner
Making time to cuddle with your spouse before and after great sex can do wonders for your marriage.
Did you know that your skin is the largest organ on your body? Well it is and because it is you should be using it to benefit your marriage.
When your skin is in contact with your spouse’s skin through cuddling you will connect at a deeper level. This could be emotionally, spiritually, or physically.
Cuddling releases the hormone oxytocin, “the feel-good hormone”, which can lead to overall happiness.
It also releases endorphins, which are the same hormones that are released during a good workout.
Get ready because it’s time to enjoy cuddling with your spouse.
6 Benefits of Cuddling With Your Spouse
Improve Communication
Non-verbal communication makes up 93% of how you and your spouse interact with each other. By cuddling together there’s talk without the words.
Reduces Blood Pressure & Stress
The act of cuddling increase oxytocin “the feel-good” hormone”, which in turn reduces the risk of heart disease and stress levels. This can lower the chance of headaches and other ailments.
Sleep Better
Making time to cuddle with your spouse will help you sleep better. Recent studies have shown that cuddling may lower levels of Cortisol, which is released in response to stress. Less Cortisol in your body means better sleep for you.
Heightened Foreplay
To often you may go for the gusto when it comes to foreplay. Instead strip down and enjoy that skin on skin contact before moving forward. Allow yourself to physically be present in the moment as you bond, build trust, and companionship.
No Distractions
Take back your bedroom! Remember what your bed is intend for. Leave the book, TV, phone, tablet, and other items out of your bedroom. Cuddling helps to focus in on the two of you and not all the other stuff.
Improved Satisfaction
When couples engage in non-sexual touches regularly they are more satisfied in their marriage than those who don’t. (2006 Study by the Berman Center for Women’s Health in Chicago)
It’s now time for you to Cuddle Up in your marriage.
You have a deep desire to feel loved, to be connected at a deeper level.
It’s time to start doing the little things that make up that big thing called LOVE. Best of all cuddling is free!
Curated by Erbe
Original Article
What Kissing Does for Your Marriage
What’s in a kiss? Far more than what meets the lips. Regardless of which part of our mate’s face or body receives attention, the puckering and pressing of the lips conveys affection and value. You kiss when you love somebody.
The Philosophy of a Kiss
What does a kiss mean? When lip-to-lip, you have been welcomed into their personal space. The response says they are agreeable, accessible and vulnerable. This overpowering sense of physical connection is spoken with words and verified in the eyes. A kiss is a great thing.
What is the real value of a kiss? It is best when it is held sacred. I told my daughters in their dating years, “a kiss from a Currie is something very special. Don’t just give them to anybody.” This expression of fondness is like a promise. It signifies, “I am exclusive with you…you are my one and only.” That kind of kiss says something.
The Physics of a Kiss
What makes a kiss work? Proximity. You don’t kiss from a distance. To smooch well, you are in their face. Generally, the longer the kiss, the more intimate the intention.
The placement of the kiss says a lot too. Societal norms reveal that a kiss on the cheek is friendship, on the forehead is comfort, on the nose is play, on the lips is love, and on the neck screams a desire for more. There are kisses of compassion, pecks of play, and smooches displaying affection. There is also deeply passionate kissing- a part of sexual foreplay. Kissing shouldn’t only lead to sex but always needs to be part of great sex.
Many couples have lost the art of kissing. Good kissing is often and varied. Little kisses lead to more meaningful ones. More kissing leads to more closeness. Add the frequent kisses of connection when saying hello or good-bye. One of my favorites is the reunion kiss- those moments at the airport when I plant a big one and pick up my wife and swing her around. It never gets old.
The Physiology of a Kiss
Why does kissing feel so good? The God-created secret behind this pleasure is that the lips are the most sensitive region of the body over the genitals and fingertips. It’s the thinnest skin covering an extensive set of nerve-endings. Kissing feels so good because lips were designed to feel so good.
But stick with me – there’s more. A kiss is so powerful because it can set off at least four chemical explosions inside you.
First, pheromones are airborne chemicals often referred to as ‘chemistry’ between people. Natural human scents are emitted unconsciously by all people and when smelt by someone in a close exchange – like a kiss – can elicit strong reactions of attraction or aversion.
Next is the rush of adrenaline that is produced in high-stress or physically exhilarating situations. A kiss can literally “make your heart race” because with adrenaline, there is an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and dilation of pupils. You feel the surge and it feels good.
Further, pleasure centers of the brain become active with the surprise and excitement of a good kiss. It can trigger a release of dopamine, another hormone that brings a sense of giddiness or euphoria associated with romantic love. You get that feel good all over sensation.
Finally, a kiss can move beyond romantic attraction to deep attachment. When the affection is right and the commitment real, there will be a release of oxytocin that evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around a mate. A deep bond is created.
The Psychology of a Kiss
What does a good kiss from the right person do? It brings a sense of well-being, belonging, and acceptance. There’s the joy of loving and being loved. It builds self-esteem with the confidence that you are known and still loved. Kissing burns calories, relieves stress and men who kiss their spouses good-bye in the morning are said to live 5 years longer. Enjoy these great benefits of kissing in marriage.
Kiss more the people that really matter and kiss far less the people that matter not.
Keep kissing in your marriage. Kiss for these and more reasons. Kiss much more often. Right now, ask yourself, how many times each day do I kiss my mate? Do I vary the types of kisses I give? What’s preventing me from expressing my affection more?
Remember: You’ll never regret putting your marriage and family first and sealing it with a kiss. Pass this on to someone who needs the reminder of what kissing can do for a marriage.
© Dr. Dave Currie, June 2010
Curated by Erbe
The Art of Flirting: 5 Flirting Styles
Flirting is the gentle art of letting a person know that you are interested in them.
Flirting isn’t just a bird call to invite people to a relationship or a booty call; it’s also done to feel sexy, inviting, exciting and desirable. And perhaps, one or two off times, to make your partner feel jealous! But whatever may be the reasons, the fact of the matter is — that flirting is tricky. Almost all of us have missed to notice that someone was flirting with us. Also sadly, in these times, even friendliness is sometimes mistaken as being flirtatious, so you might have heard from your friend the morning after, that the girl you were bonding with over football, thought you were a pushy flirt, or maybe even borderline creepy!
Now, wouldn’t it be great: If you could somehow get the secret to flirting right? Haven’t you noticed around you, how people not traditionally appealing for the opposite sex, are still somehow popular with them?
The answer, my friend, isn’t blowing in the wind (Bruce Springsteen, anyone?). It is inside the book The Five Flirting Styles by Jeffrey A. Hall, a Ph.D and an international expert on dating and relationships, published by Harlequin.
The book, with its groundbreaking distinction of flirting styles into five distinct ones, has helped thousands of people to discover and polish their natural flirting style and assisted them to find their perfect match. We bring Mr. Hall’s research right to you, to unlock the secret to flirt right.
Flirting can essentially be divided into the following types:
1. The Physical Style
The Physical flirt knows what he’s got going for himself and is not afraid to use it.
Confident in using his body language to communicate interest, the physical flirt has no problems in touching their crush gently to indicate interest.
He is not shy about letting a potential partner know how he feels and does so through his physicality, non-verbal behavior and physical attractiveness.
What works for The Physical Flirt:
They have little problem letting people know that they are interested.
They often result in sparking a physical connection with their date, much quicker than the rest.
What doesn’t work for them:
Other people might interpret their everyday manner as more sexually charged.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, people might not be comfortable with their overt physical manner.
Research Says
Your physical attractiveness can change dramatically during a first date. Your personality affects how sexy other people perceive you to be. What you say can either enhance or undermine how attractive other people perceive you to be.
2. The Polite Style
Good manners are a must for this flirt.
Rule governed and polished, the basic arsenal in their armory is genteel and refined behavior.
They are always polite, and may refuse to engage in inappropriate or obviously sexual behavior that might make the other person uncomfortable. This type of a flirt is more likely to invite their potential date to a coffee shop or someplace quiet, as opposed to a noisy club, to get to speak to them at a more personal level.
They diligently follow courtship rules and will always choose civility over pushiness.
What works for The Polite Flirt:
They never come across as looking needy or trying too hard.
They also never embarrass themselves or pass off as appearing too aggressive and insensitive.
They are always well regarded by the opposite gender for their gentlemanly manner.
What doesn’t work for them:
They can seldom appreciate the flirting styles of other people. They may even feel that forward people are rude or impolite.
The Polite Flirt’s approach could be slow paced and quite indirect.
They like to keep their physical feelings in check for the sake of romance.
To the Polite flirt, being out-and-out direct when engaging in romance is simply uncouth. So they might fail to establish a physical connect with their date.
3. The Playful Style
For them, flirting is a game. To the Playful Flirt, it is fun to meet new people, talk them up and make people fall for them.
The playful style is bubbly, funny, flirty and fun.
Playful flirts do not care how others might interpret their behavior as long as they are having a good time.
Note: Playful flirts can even flirt with someone when they are not attracted to them!
What works for The Playful Flirt:
They are perhaps the most popular of all among the opposite sex.
They can easily mingle with their date and get a crackling chemistry with them in record time!
What doesn’t work for them:
Getting into a long term relationship is tricky for the Playful Flirt, as they have some big temptations to fight on the way.
For instance, a man who was a Playful Flirt all his life — now flirts with even a waitress when at a restaurant with his wife. He has a daughter too, and is quite loyal to his wife. But he simply can’t get rid of his habit. Now the two have just accepted that he will flirt wherever possible just to get an extra shot of self-esteem!
4. The Sincere Style
They show sincere personal interest. This type of a flirt wants to create an emotional bond with a new crush. Their approach is to share things about themselves and get the other people talking.
They take the first rule of socializing to heart: that if you want to be an interesting conversationalist, you must get people to talk about themselves. They pay great attention to a partner’s personality.
For them, the best chemistry involves around communication and full disclosure.
What works for The Sincere Flirt:
This approach is highly effective and makes them liked by people immensely.
Seeking an emotional connect with a partner is defined as the most agreeable, desirable and effective of all communications, and flirts of this type usually go on to build lasting relationships.
What doesn’t work for them:
Some people might perceive the Sincere Flirt as boring, as most people like a little bit of fun and danger in flirting.
5. The Traditional Style
This type feels that men should make the first move and women shouldn’t.
It’s not just that they like this arrangement, in fact they even insist on it.
The men belonging to this flirting type like to confirm to traditional gender defined roles. Like paying for her every time, pulling the chair for her, opening the car door for her, etc.
They might think that the woman who flirts with them first is too forward, and in extreme cases might brandish her as a slut.
What works for them:
It’s easy to confirm to this type. Men ask women out, men open the doors for women, men clear the cheque at a dinner. Men kiss first. Men are more physically aggressive. Women push back. Men go further and conquer. See, so simple!
What doesn’t work for them:
Hey, most cool women won’t fall for that! This flirting style died in the nineties.
You can buy the full book here at www.hqnindia.com
Curated by Erbe
5 Reasons Why You Need a Sex Playlist
There comes a time in a relationship when things get boring, predictable and stale in the bedroom. Love making, sex feels the same. The touches no longer ignite the flames of passion. Kisses no longer open up moist caves, and make body parts throb.
If this is happening to you currently, you’ve hit a dry patch. No need to worry, as there are ways to liven things up in the sack. One of the surest ways to get your lovemaking from lukewarm to larva is hot is by having a sex playlist.
What’s a sex playlist? It’s a list of songs you play while having sex with your partner. Below we’ve outlined five key reasons why a sex playlist is essential in spicing things up.
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Set The Mood – A sex playlist creates the mood needed for exciting and pleasurable sex. Think of it as theme music in a movie. With the right songs you can easily create the ambiance and mood needed for some lovemaking that will knock your socks off, and make neighbors know your name.
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Tempo – A sex playlist can help determine the pace, and tempo of sex. If you are not satisfied with your lover’s temp (whether its too slow or fast), the right kind of songs can help quicken or slow down things easily. Watch your lover move to the rhythm of the song blasting from the speakers. A song like Future’s ‘Turn On The Lights‘ should make things go slow and deep, while a track like Reminisce’s ‘Tesojue‘ should ensure a fast race to the climax.
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Enhances foreplay – Foreplay is an essential part of love making. Sadly it is often ignored. Foreplay greatly determines if sex ends with a big bang or have an anti-climatic. Every one desires to experience the great finish. A sure way to help you reach the finish triumphantly is with a sex playlist. Watch your wife or babe strip and tease while dancing to Rihanna’s ‘Pour It Up‘. For the ladies watch your man take off his clothes as he moves his waist seductively to Usher’s ‘Good Kisser‘.
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Timer- Some people have been known to time their lovemaking. This means the thrusting and grinding does not stop until the playlist gets to the end. This helps create intimacy and bonding between lovers. Having sex is not bang, bang. Kissing, cuddling, teasing, nibbling and stroking are all parts of the game. Create a sex playlist that lasts for an hour, and do not stop until the last song plays out. Doing this will help you go through all the 9 yards of sex.
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Creativity – Unfortunately a lot of people never get out of the dry patch. As we grow older some of us settle for less, and never try to recreate the fireworks in the bedroom. Don’t settle for less. Making love while sensual songs are playing in the background, will add the spice you need. Create that playlist now and watch your sex life go va va voom!
Curated by Erbe
9 Wordless Ways Someone Says, “I Love You”
Longing to hear, “I love you” from someone special? Try watching his or her body language instead. Some 60 to 90 percent of the meaning of our communication is delivered nonverbally — and in romantic situations, this jumps to 99 percent, says anthropologist David Givens, director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies in Spokane, Washington, and author of Love Signals.
“When it comes to emotions, our bodies do the talking more than words,” Givens says.
Here are nine surprising (and wordless) ways the body telegraphs, “I love you.”
Love sign #1: Shoulder rolls or shrugs
Who knew the shoulders were one of the more expressive parts of the body? Thanks to their rounded shape, smooth skin, and ability to move — shrugging, lifting, rolling — the shoulders are able to convey emotional nuances remarkably well, Givens says. Rolling a shoulder, in particular, reads as a gesture of affection or flirtatiousness.
Unlike some other large muscles, the upper trapezius has special “gut reactive” visceral nerves that are sensitive to your emotions. (Think about how your shoulders sag in defeat and shake when you cry.) The biceps, as a contrasting example, rely on somatic nerves, which help those muscles do intentional tasks, like lift weights. “The biceps aren’t very emotionally expressive,” Givens notes.
(Ladies, try a sleeveless top on that big date to help your shoulders do the talking.)
Love sign #2: Mirroring your actions
You splay your right fingers around your coffee cup; so does he. You take a sip; he takes a sip. Anthropologists call this synchrony of actions “isopraxism” (iso being Greek for “same” andpraxism meaning “behavior”). Couples tend to do this unconsciously as they fall in love; their bodies can’t help themselves.
Mirroring behaviors are a strong element in the courtship rituals of all animals that use courtship, Givens says. A female mallard hen, for example, swims close to her male target and bobs her heads in the water until he copies her, and they do this back and forth until they mate. The behavior demonstrates that neither is threatening to the other, allowing them to get closer.
“The more alike you are, the more you like each other,” Givens says. “It strengthens your bond.”
Love sign #3: Locked eyes
If an object of attraction gazes deep into your eyes, your heart just may skip a beat. Eye contact is a potent emotional link — in ordinary circumstances, both parties feel a strong urge to break a gaze after three seconds. (People make less eye contact when they dislike each other, feel intimidated, or disagree.)
But if you like someone, you tend to hold the gaze for an extra few beats without even being aware of it. This says, “I’m really, really interested in you.”
Like most of the nonverbal communications that express love to other adults, the tendency to gaze long and hard at a beloved is rooted in the caring ways that parents treat children, Givens says. Mothers tend to gaze longer at babies than adults because they’re so interested in them and need to be attentive to them; in this way we grow up associating a long gaze with love.
Love sign #4: Sitting close by
Does your loved one move in close to you — maybe your hips touch when you sit side by side, or your knees knock into his or hers when you sit across from each other?
“Reducing the distance between you and the other person is a strong way our bodies send a message of love,” says Jamie Comstock, a professor of communication at Butler University in Indianapolis.
Someone in love almost can’t help the urge to be physically near his or her object of affection. When you’re drawn to someone, it’s almost literal: Often the body knows the attraction before any words of love have been exchanged, Comstock says.
Love sign #5: Head tilts
When you’re talking, watch your listener. Does he or she cock his or her head, either to the left or right? In a friendship, a tilted head fosters rapport. In courtship, it reads as flirtatiousness.
Leaning the head toward the shoulder connotes harmlessness and submissiveness, the Center for Nonverbal Studies’ David Givens says, which makes the relationship “softer.” As with the shoulder muscles, the muscles involved in tilting the head are controlled by visceral nerves, which are equipped to reflect emotion. A tilted head is a gesture that adds warmth and immediacy to the dialogue between you. Subtle? Yes. But like many aspects of body language, these cues speak volumes about the relationship.
Love sign #6: A fingertip caress
Being lightly, casually touched — on your shoulder, your forearm, the back of your neck, a little side hug — instantly registers in the brain as warmth and reassurance.
The emotional centers of the brain register touch more quickly than messages that come through the language center, Givens says. The touch doesn’t have to be long to register as warm and reassuring. (This kind of touch is different from having breasts or genitals touched in a nonsexual situation, which sends a confusing message rather than a simple “I love you.”)
“The presence of touch is a sign of affection because it sends a message of inclusion: I want to be closer to you,” says Butler University’s Jamie Comstock. “You can say, ‘I love you’ 30 times a day, but if you only touch the person minimally — rarely hug, kiss, or show appropriate physical affection — that ‘I love you’ will ring pretty hollow to him or her,” she says.
Best of all, touching is a shared message: “The fingertips are extremely sensitive to touch, so you get a good message right back,” Givens says.
Love sign #7: Rapid eye blinking
Is she batting her eyelashes at you? Does he look especially vulnerable and cute — because he’s blinking? The normal rate of eye blinking in humans is 20 times a minute. Faster blinking indicates emotional stress — such as when the person is attracted.
“We blink faster when excited because eyelid movements reflect bodily arousal levels established by the brain stem’s reticular activating system (RAS),” Givens says. The result: a chain reaction. Emotions from the limbic system stimulate the RAS to act on the brain to release the chemical dopamine in a part of the midbrain connected to the eyes.
A warning about reading the right message into this signal, though: A faster blink rate is also triggered when the speaker is lying.
Love sign #8: A warm smile
Smiles warm our hearts — but not any old smile is a sign of affection. What to look for: a genuine smile (called a “zygomatic smile”), the kind that can’t easily be faked because it’s produced not on demand but by pure emotion. In heartfelt smiles, the zygomaticus muscles are strongly contracted, so that corners of the mouth curve upward and the outer corners of the eyes wrinkle into crow’s feet. Pay attention to the eyes: In a genuine smile, they tend to be crinkled more tightly.
The face is more expressive than any other part of the body because all facial muscles are controlled by visceral nerves, which are connected to emotions. Some people say they can see their dog or cat smile, but these animals have little facial flexibility compared with our evolutionary kin the primates, who developed this ability in order to communicate. Reptiles, in comparison, can’t move their features at all, save to open their mouths.
Love sign #9: A higher-pitched and softer voice than usual
Notice how a parent talks to a child: The voice takes on a slightly higher, warmer tone — not loud, no edge to it. This same love-infused relationship is the model for the tone that people in love use. It’s a softer pitch than usual. “It’s innately friendly,” Given says, “and suggests a nonaggressive, nonhostile pose.”
That doesn’t mean that if your crush isn’t speaking to you in baby talk or falsetto, he or she doesn’t love you. The tone of a voice in love isn’t that exaggerated. It’s simply more loving.
The tone of voice is so important — and so revealing — because we “hear” the way words are delivered separately from how we process the words themselves. Tone of voice carries both emotion (love, hate, anger) and social information (sarcasm, superiority).
In fact, humans are so good at reading voices that you should probably trust what you hear in the tone more than the words themselves — especially when that “I love you” rolls off the tongue of the object of your affection. Comstock says, “When there’s a discrepancy between the words and the tone” — whether it’s detached, monotonal, defensive, sarcastic — “people believe the nonverbal.”
Curated by Erbe
5 Minute Sex Therapy for the Busy Woman
We’ve all, at some point, gone through a rough patch in our sex lives.
You may have confessed your struggles to your girlfriends over brunch (à la “Sex and the City”), or you may have kept this to yourself. Even if you were brave enough to ask your friends for advice, they are not licensed professionals in this area.
I sat down with Dr. Teesha Morgan, Vancouver-based Sex Therapist and Couples Counselor, armed with questions from the busy women that I connect with throughSecondhand Therapy. I was determined to nab some insights that would help everybody out.
What is the most common issue in sex therapy for couples that are in long-term relationships?
Dr. Teesha revealed that the number one struggle for couples who come to her with intimacy issues is that one person has a higher libido that the other. Couples come to her wanting to know that there is hope down the road for resolving this.
At the beginning of the relationship, Dr. Teesha explains, there is a honeymoon stage. It can feel devastating to couples when they have moved past this initial stage, but Dr. Teesha helps them to see that there are many other stages of intimacy that they will go through within their relationship. Some couples require a professional to help guide them through the next stages of physical intimacy.
How do you start to address differences in sex drive?
“Intimacy is a broad spectrum,” Dr. Teesha stated. This spectrum extends both inside and outside of the bedroom.
Having goals and expectations for ourselves in the bedroom can set us up for failure. Approaching physical intimacy with the mindset of, “What can we create today?” has been liberating for many couples that she works with.
She also explains that women tend to need foreplay before they start to feel desire or drive. Masters & Johnson created the linear framework of the Sexual Response Cycle, but it was a model based mainly on the male sex drive. It turns out that for most women, desire/drive comes AFTER foreplay (based on research by Rosemary Basson). This means that most women need our partner to initiate foreplay in order for the desire to have sex kicks in. It is therefore crucial to communicate with our partners what we consider foreplay.
If couples are really struggling to re-connect, she will walk them through a series ofsensate focus exercises, which encourage couples to focus on various sensations. These exercises progress through G-rated to the R-rated sense-based experiences. Couples pause to re-evaluate their feelings and reactions at each stage.
How do you get past seeing sex as one more obligation that you have to fulfill?
Dr. Teesha tackled this question from a few different angles.
First, she referred to Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, and explained that if our “love tank” is empty, sex can start to feel like an obligation. This requires that our partner understands our primary love language: acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, physical affection or quality time.
Second, women tend to “view sex as something that they are doing for someone else.” If we are able to shift our mindset to view sex (or physical intimacy) as something pleasurable we are doing for ourselves, this can shift the power dynamic for couples. Sex becomes less about the giving and more about experiencing pleasure for ourselves.
Why are vibrators for women and porn for men such a big deal for so many straight, monogamous couples?
There can be a lot of shame attached, according to Dr. Teesha, especially stemming from family, culture and religion. Once we work past the shame, there are some considerations about the impact on the relationship.
Dr. Teesha encourages couples to consider if they are using it as a substitute. If so, why and what is the intention? Has this become a problem in the relationship?
If there is a major dissonance between what we are using to get turned on in private and what is happening in the bedroom, there is opportunity for a wedge to be created within the relationship.
Is there one major indicator that determines if a couple will make it?
I wasn’t sure if Dr. Teesha would point to a sex-related indicator, but I figured she would have a lot of insight after working with so many couples.
It turns out that she would want to see the couple fight. She explains, it’s not if we are fighting, it’s how we fight that determines the success of the relationship.
She refers to the book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Nan Silver, and their concept of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse. Gottman and Silver teach that if an argument is escalated using one of the four horseman (criticism, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling), this can introduce a toxicity to a relationship that will make it difficult for it to survive long-term.
What if we have tried everything and are still struggling?
Some couples get caught in a cycle and need professional intervention to move past an issue. A licensed professional can help to mediate and also help to determine if this is something to be worked through individually or as a couple. According to Dr. Teesha, 25% of the couples that come in to see her, a red flag comes up during their initial interview and she ends of doing a series of one-on-one sessions with an individual.
A sex therapist has specific and tangible tools to deal with certain things that a regular family counsellor would not necessarily have. For example, most family therapists would not be trained in specific techniques to deal with something like premature ejaculation.
A call to action!
If any of this information has challenged your perspective or assumptions, make sure you discuss this with your significant other. If you are having trouble communicating, consider working with a licensed professional to help you navigate these delicate conversations.
Curated by Erbe
The Way You Understand Your Sex Drive Is Wrong
Most people fundamentally misunderstand sexual desire, Emily Nagoski writes in her new book, Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life, mistakenly thinking that spontaneous desire — an urge for sex that comes seemingly out of nowhere — is the default mode of arousal.
But for many people, and perhaps especially (though not exclusively!) for women, it just doesn’t work that way.
Nagoski elaborated in a recent interview with New Scientist:
If sex is a drive then desire should be spontaneous, like a hunger. When you see a sexy person or have a stray sexy thought, it activates an internal craving or urge for sex. That’s called “spontaneous desire”. It feels like it comes out of the blue. But there is another way of experiencing desire which is also healthy and normal, called “responsive desire”, where your interest only emerges in response to arousal. So, your partner comes over and starts kissing your neck and you’re like, “oh, right, sex, that’s a good idea”.
Nagoski further explains, “A drive is a motivational system to deal with life-or-death issues, like hunger or being too cold. You’re not going to die if you don’t have sex.”
And the distinction is important, Nagoski said, because those who don’t often experience spontaneous desire may secretly worry that something is wrong with them, a mode of thinking that does not exactly help to put one in the mood. “Spontaneous desire is totally fun,” Nagoski said to New Scientist. “But you’re not broken just because you’re not experiencing it.”
Curated by Michael
Why Foreplay is So Important
You and your partner are relaxing together on a Saturday night. One person gets horny, and suddenly things start to heat up.
Once the clothes come off, don’t just have sex right away. You have to be intimate with your partner and let it happen naturally. Enjoy the buildup to sex; engage in foreplay.
Foreplay not only helps you get more intimate with your partner, but also makes things lively in bed. It’s something both you and your partner should have fun with. Whether it’s cuddling, touching, or kissing, foreplay is important because it makes sex more enjoyable.
Foreplay is about building an emotional connection and getting the excitement going, according to Everyday Health.
Being emotionally connected to your partner can give you some of the best feelings ever, and the intimacy will bring you both closer to one another once you’re done. If you and your partner never discussed what you both like and don’t like sexually, then talking about it will make things easier. When you establish what you want, then foreplay should become fun for both you and your partner.
Once you both talk about what you specifically want from each other, go all the way with it. Kiss your partner all over their body. Touch the spots of their body that make them tingle inside. Experiment with each other.
What would sex be without foreplay? I’m pretty sure it would be boring. If you and your partner neglect to engage in foreplay, then you should consider getting into it if the sex isn’t that good.
Before sex, you want to make sure that you are really aroused.You and your partner should probably do everything sexual to keep the excitement going. However, you don’t have to do this for hours (unless you really need it). A few minutes or more is all it should take to get both of you aroused.
Without foreplay, it would just be a “quickie” instead of long-lasting, amazing sex. If you skip out on foreplay, then you’re missing out on the “warmup” to good sex. Foreplay is like the buildup to the finale in a good movie. It makes the climax better. Not to say that your expectations of foreplay should be similar to my analogy, but it should feel special to everyone in some way.
So don’t be afraid to do sexual things with your partner. If you both know what you want, then engage in foreplay before sex. If you don’t, you’re missing out on what could be really exciting for both you and your partner. Sex should be great for both of you and foreplay is just the beginning of what could turn out amazingly.
Curated by Erbe
Reasons to Have More Sex
Ok, you don’t really need reasons, but we’ve got a few anyway! Sex isn’t just pleasurable, there are numerous physical and mental health benefits that come with it. So what are you waiting for? Follow these instructions and get busy!