It’s not just about attracting someone — real sexiness is the total confidence that can make you feel smarter, funnier and better in every area of your life. Here’s how to be a bit more like that every day.
A FOR EFFORT
“Feeling confident about your appearance is the first step to genuine sex appeal,” says says Eve Marx, author of Beddington Place: Watch Your Back, Cover Your Tracks and contributor to thirdage.com. Give yourself permission to invest in how you look — whether that means a visit to the makeup counter or a new haircut. It’ll change what’s inside, too.
GET OUT OF TOWN
Take an art class. Or book a last-minute weekend getaway. “Novelty is the greatest aphrodisiac,”says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., and founder of mypleasure.com. When you live in the moment, anything’s possible — and that’s exciting, and sexy.
After a hot shower, massage your body with lotion, instead of just slapping it on. Or give yourself a relaxing neck rub. “I brush my skin with a soft brush every morning when I wake up,” says Mary McGuire-Wien of New York City. “It makes my skin feel much more alive.” Natural health advocates believe that dry brushing reduces toxins, sloughs off dry skin, and may help fight cellulite.
CHANGE IT UP
Play up your eyes with a new eyeliner, or try a different gloss on your lips. Or, if you normally go natural, put on heavy mascara. “When you feel beautiful, you feel sensual,” says Debbie Mandel, author of Turn On Your Inner Light. Take the extra three or four minutes to primp yourself and feel pretty — just for you.
MOVE THINGS AROUND
Part your hair on the other side, a teeny move that has a whopping effect. Oh, and every once in a while, you’ll have to toss the falling strands back – and you know the coquettish hair toss does to men.
ALL BUTTONED UP
Wearing something with lots of buttons will naturally turn undressing or a wardrobe change into a striptease as you linger over each button.
READ SOMETHING RACY
Just knowing you’re reading something risque in public sure to give you a teeny confidence boost. “Erotic novels give women ideas.” Says Marx. “They respond to stories that fires up their imagination.” Mr. Grey, here we come.
When was the last time you invested in a good bra? “Most women are wearing the wrong bra,” Marx says. “Don’t be scared to spend money on good lingerie. The right foundation will make you feel like a million bucks.”
TAKE IT SLOW
Slow-dance. Really close. Fitting together so snugly and swaying in sync is unbelievably sensual and intimate. It’s almost like making love.
BACK TO BLACK
Wear slightly smudgy black eyeliner for that smoldering temptress look. Appearing slightly unkempt — as if you just had a roll in the hay — is incredibly provocative.
Honestly, when was the last time you really doted on your guy? Forever ago? Well, pretend he’s a new beau and chuckle at his jokes, suggestively touch his forearm and make coy comments. You’ll feel kittenish — the way you did when you first started dating.
GO AU NATUREL
Every now and then, take a break from blow drying and styling your hair. That slightly tousled, sexily untamed mane will bring out your wild side.
Ever wish you were Joan Holloway from Mad Men or Eva Mendez any day of the week? Pretend to be them! “It’s fun to get out of your head and role play,” Marx says. Next time you’re in a funk and want to feel sexier, emulate your favorite leading lady, and feel your confidence skyrocket.
LOOK HIM IN THE EYE
“How do you ask for sex,” wonders Catherine Cardinal, Ph.D., author of The Ten Commandments of Relationships? “You probably mumble it with downcast eyes — couples make less eye contact as years go by. Look directly at him the next time. It’ll remind him of the days when he couldn’t take his eyes off you.”
HAND OVER FOOT
Get in touch with your body by treating yourself to a sensual foot massage. You have thousands of nerve endings in your feet, and stimulating every one will send bolts of electricity through you. Start with your thumbs in the center of the bottom of your foot and walk them up toward your big and pinkie toes so they’re gradually moving away from each other. Then, alternating thumbs, stroke along your arch. Finally, massage each toe, rubbing from bottom to top while pulling it slightly and rotating it in a circle.
Just because it’s winter and you’re all bundled up doesn’t mean you can’t expose yourself a little. “Invest in nice tights,” Marx says. “Great hosiery is a boost to feeling sexy.”
Don a silky cream-colored bra (no padding, please). Your guy will go gaga seeing the outline of your nipples through the glossy, smooth material – and it’ll be a whole lot more comfortable than some lacy number.
DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE, DOUBLE YOUR FUN
“Add the element of doubling,” says Barbara Keesling, author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex. “Hold his kiss for twice as long. Take twice as much time to unbutton every button.”
LIGHT UP YOUR NIGHT
Light a scented candle in your den or break out those candlesticks for a romantic dinner. Candlelight casts a warm, cozy glow over everything and everyone in the room and is so much more flattering than harsh lightbulbs. You will — literally and figuratively — see yourself in a new light.
HERE KITTY, KITTY
You may not be auditioning for an ingenue role, but it’s fun to pretend! While he’s watching you, arch your back so your butt sticks out seductively, lengthen your arms up over your head so your exposed stomach is pulled taut and reach for the heavens. It’s invigorating…and titillating. The worst that happens: you giggle and come away with a cute story.
MAKE A RUN FOR IT
Just casually run your hands over your hips as if you’re smoothing down your skirt or pull the neck of your top over toward your shoulder and adjust your bra strap. These moves are so feminine, you’ll feel like a total sexpot. Plus, men go crazy watching a woman caress her own skin.
ROCK A SPECIAL PERFUME
Is there a perfume that reminds you of a particularly spicy night with your man? Wearing that certain scent throughout the day will act as an aphrodisiac, making you feel and smell sexy.
We know you love your husband, but sometimes it’s an ego boost to get a little harmless attention from someone other than your man. “Innocent flirting is meant to make you, and hopefully the other person, feel a little bit better about yourselves. Just be careful who you engage in this recreational flirting with,” Marx says. “Keep it light, keep it brief, and most of all, don’t do it at work.”
WALK IT OUT
How can you not feel hot-to-trot when you strut your stuff? The how-to: Loosen up your hips and let them swing from side to side; if you put one foot right in front of the other, it’ll force you to naturally sway. Remember to stand up straight and stick out your chest a bit. And heels (even low ones) do wonders for a woman’s sashay.
FEEL THE BEAT
Not a good dancer? Who cares? Turn on your favorite tunes and just let go. “When you move your entire body to a beat, you start to love how it feels and embrace what your body can do,” says Vanessa Isaac, the creator of Hip Brazil Dance and Fitness. “Awakening your inner rhythm awakens your sensuality.”
SLEEP IN THE NUDE
Just because you’re going to sleep doesn’t mean you can’t take a few minutes before bed to indulge in some sexiness. “Take a shower before bedtime, then skip the PJs or nightgown,” Marx suggests. “There’s something undeniably erotic about slipping freshly shaved, bathed and moisturized, naked between the sheets.”
Make a pact with your husband to set tomorrow’s alarm 30 minutes earlier, and rise and shine for some naked cuddle time before the day overwhelms you.
Curated by Erbe