“I’m a bit confused as to why it’s garnered so much attention and why it’s seemed so odd,” he said, “because I think most college coaches would tell a young man in recruiting — or his parents — ‘Hey, I’m going to love you’ or ‘treat you like my son.’”
In fact, Herman expressed sadness that the ritual seems so uncommon.
“I can tell you I was disappointed — they said it was the first time they’ve ever been kissed by a man,” Herman said, noting that several of his players grew up fatherless.
“Which,” he added, “is a shame in our society.”
Scholars of masculinity in contemporary America agree.
An academic paper first published in 2010 called “Men’s Tears: Football Players’ Evaluations of Crying Behavior” described a correlation between emotional openness and self-esteem in college football players.
In one instance of what psychologists label pluralistic ignorance, the authors found that many players falsely assumed that most of their teammates tolerated less emotional display than they themselves privately did.
“Men struggle with the perception that they are somehow less manly when they reveal their emotions,” said Joel Wong, an author of the essay who teaches psychology at Indiana University.
“That’s related to a lot of problems,” he added, “because it actually inhibits the ability for interpersonal connections, it restricts your ability to be vulnerable” and it prevents the expression of “your full human potential.”
Way’s book “Deep Secrets” describes how American boys migrate during adolescence from close friendships with other men to fears that shows of such intimacy will stigmatize them as gay, prompting a “crisis of connection.”
“What we’re driven by is the desire to be in connected communities,” she said. “That you would funnel this into a competitive spirit — that’s the way sports should be played. That’s how you’re going to get the best players.”
When Herman greeted the Cougars as they walked single file into the visitors’ locker room at Navy last weekend, only a handful of players appeared bashful before stepping into his embrace. The kisses came with a hug and, in some cases, words whispered into one ear or boisterous greetings such as, “And this guy!” and “I love you, buddy!”
“From what I can gather,” McCloskey said, “your importance to the team is directly related to the duration of your kiss. If you stay more than five seconds there, you’re a ‘dude,’ as he calls it.”
He added, “As it’s gone on longer and longer, I’ve somewhat looked forward to it.”
Curated by Timothy
Original Article