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Lubing Up Your Relationship: 5 Steps For Better Communication

by Frankie Symmsin RELATIONSHIPS, Sex

We’ve all been there–unexpected friction, dryness, and chafing, preventing us and our significant other from reaching completion. We can try to push through, hoping that mere effort will win the day. We can give up, hoping that the same problem won’t plague us on our next attempt. Or we can take action by applying a restorative balm and rescuing ourselves from discomfort and failure.

While the above could certainly refer to the physical act of lovemaking, it also applies to the less salacious aspects of a relationship as well.  Communication is the non-sexual lubricant that every romantic partnership needs to flourish.

Naturally, not all communication is created equal. Just like sticky drugstore lube is no match for a designer water-based brand, some communication will set your relationship back rather than helping you and your partner to grow and flourish together.

Here are some tips to keep your communication–and your relationship–silky smooth.

Keep Communication Smooth

In our hyper-connected world, sometimes it can be tough to make sure you’re making time for high-quality, in-person communication with your partner. If your communication has dwindled to a few pleasantries over breakfast, an occasional flurry of daytime texts, and a couple of exhausted attempts to chat before bed, it may be time to reconsider your approach. Set aside a special “date night” every week and pledge not to look at your phone—you’ll be surprised how much you still have to talk about! Alternatively, set up a short weekly “check-in” with your partner to make sure you’re communicating about household issues, personal growth and work goals, and see how that impacts the amount of communication you have with each other throughout the day. If time is an issue, look for activities you can do together to maximize your opportunity to chat—exercise, cook a meal, take a class.

young man in leather jacket is whispering something to his lover

Honesty Lubrication

Whether you’re discussing pop culture, division of household duties, or finances, it’s always a good idea to be truthful. This establishes a baseline of trust and accountability between partners, and in addition, eliminates potential sources for conflict before they arise. If you and your other half have different communication styles, acknowledge this openly, and figure out ways you can both feel heard, but still comfortable.

Glide into kindness

When you and your partner first started dating, it’s likely that you both let compliments fly fast and furious. However, it’s easy to forget how good it feels to give and receive compliments once the initial rush of a new relationship has worn off and both partners get caught up in the grind of daily life. A simple “hey, handsome” or comment about an attractive outfit can go a long way to injecting some fun back into the relationship, and praise for a job well-done, whether it’s mopping the floor or closing a deal at work, is always a boost.

Keep Language Smooth

What you may think of as a playful joke may come across to your partner as a thoughtless comment or worse, a harsh criticism. Keep an eye out for unexpected reactions and be proactive in asking whether or not you’ve said something to upset your partner. This is a two way street—if you’re on the receiving end of not-so-nice behavior, make sure your partner knows how you feel so you can work toward interactions that make everyone happy.

Couple beauty sexy lovers talk in bed isolated

Soothing the Rough Edges

All couples experience disagreements, arguments, and fights, but the couples who stay together approach these difficult times as opportunities for growth rather than a death knell for the relationship. If emotions are running high, don’t be afraid to ask for a temporary “cease fire” so everyone can calm down and think more rationally about how to solve the problem.  Find ways to balance negative feedback with positive and enter into any discussion willing to accept constructive criticism as well as dishing it out. If you can’t get on the same page as your partner on an important issue, consider seeking counseling—sometimes a neutral, third party can ease the way to a resolution.

When in doubt, just remind yourself: the couple that talks together stays together!

What Kissing Does for Your Marriage

by zfortadminin Sex

What’s in a kiss? Far more than what meets the lips. Regardless of which part of our mate’s face or body receives attention, the puckering and pressing of the lips conveys affection and value. You kiss when you love somebody.

The Philosophy of a Kiss

What does a kiss mean? When lip-to-lip, you have been welcomed into their personal space. The response says they are agreeable, accessible and vulnerable. This overpowering sense of physical connection is spoken with words and verified in the eyes. A kiss is a great thing.

What is the real value of a kiss? It is best when it is held sacred. I told my daughters in their dating years, “a kiss from a Currie is something very special. Don’t just give them to anybody.” This expression of fondness is like a promise. It signifies, “I am exclusive with you…you are my one and only.” That kind of kiss says something.

The Physics of a Kiss

What makes a kiss work? Proximity. You don’t kiss from a distance. To smooch well, you are in their face. Generally, the longer the kiss, the more intimate the intention.

The placement of the kiss says a lot too. Societal norms reveal that a kiss on the cheek is friendship, on the forehead is comfort, on the nose is play, on the lips is love, and on the neck screams a desire for more. There are kisses of compassion, pecks of play, and smooches displaying affection. There is also deeply passionate kissing- a part of sexual foreplay. Kissing shouldn’t only lead to sex but always needs to be part of great sex.

Many couples have lost the art of kissing. Good kissing is often and varied. Little kisses lead to more meaningful ones. More kissing leads to more closeness. Add the frequent kisses of connection when saying hello or good-bye. One of my favorites is the reunion kiss- those moments at the airport when I plant a big one and pick up my wife and swing her around. It never gets old.

The Physiology of a Kiss

Why does kissing feel so good? The God-created secret behind this pleasure is that the lips are the most sensitive region of the body over the genitals and fingertips. It’s the thinnest skin covering an extensive set of nerve-endings. Kissing feels so good because lips were designed to feel so good.

But stick with me – there’s more. A kiss is so powerful because it can set off at least four chemical explosions inside you.

First, pheromones are airborne chemicals often referred to as ‘chemistry’ between people. Natural human scents are emitted unconsciously by all people and when smelt by someone in a close exchange – like a kiss – can elicit strong reactions of attraction or aversion.

Next is the rush of adrenaline that is produced in high-stress or physically exhilarating situations. A kiss can literally “make your heart race” because with adrenaline, there is an increase in heart rate, blood pressure and dilation of pupils. You feel the surge and it feels good.

Further, pleasure centers of the brain become active with the surprise and excitement of a good kiss. It can trigger a release of dopamine, another hormone that brings a sense of giddiness or euphoria associated with romantic love. You get that feel good all over sensation.

Finally, a kiss can move beyond romantic attraction to deep attachment. When the affection is right and the commitment real, there will be a release of oxytocin that evokes feelings of contentment, reductions in anxiety, and feelings of calmness and security around a mate. A deep bond is created.

The Psychology of a Kiss

What does a good kiss from the right person do? It brings a sense of well-being, belonging, and acceptance. There’s the joy of loving and being loved. It builds self-esteem with the confidence that you are known and still loved. Kissing burns calories, relieves stress and men who kiss their spouses good-bye in the morning are said to live 5 years longer. Enjoy these great benefits of kissing in marriage.

Kiss more the people that really matter and kiss far less the people that matter not.

Keep kissing in your marriage. Kiss for these and more reasons. Kiss much more often. Right now, ask yourself, how many times each day do I kiss my mate? Do I vary the types of kisses I give? What’s preventing me from expressing my affection more?

Remember: You’ll never regret putting your marriage and family first and sealing it with a kiss. Pass this on to someone who needs the reminder of what kissing can do for a marriage.

© Dr. Dave Currie, June 2010

 

Curated by Erbe

Original Article

The 9 Best Times to Have Sex

by zfortadminin Sex

Have better orgasms, make love for longer and more with some smart scheduling

Your Sensual Schedule

Timing is important for, say, landing a dream job or catching a sale. But here’s some intimate info: It’s also crucial when it comes to sex! You’ve probably heard that the ideal time of the month to get pregnant is when you’re ovulating (usually in the middle of your menstrual cycle,between day 11 and 21, depending on the person), but you may not realize that certain times of the day, month and year are best for other sexual goals. For a more satisfying sex life, here’s when to get busy if you…

1. …want an amazing orgasm.

This may sound counterintuitive, but the day you’re most likely to experience a mind-bending orgasm is actually the day before you get your period, according to Laurie Watson, a sex therapist and couples counselor in Raleigh, NC, and author of Wanting Sex Again. “When blood accumulation makes your uterus heavy, contractions are more perceptible during orgasm, and your labial and clitoral tissue tends to be more sensitive when you retain fluids,” says Watson. “Convince yourself to give sex a shot, even if you’re feeling grouchy and uncomfortable, because it may cheer you right up,” she suggests.

2. …want sex to last longer.

The top time is between Christmas and New Year’s Day, when you and your husband are likely out of the office. “When you have no work pressures and are spending many hours with your mate, it’s easier to have luxurious, unhurried sex that lasts and lasts,” says Terence Watts, a psychotherapist based in the U.K. who specializes in psychosexual problems. “A slow build-up is key. Flirt with your husband in the morning by whispering in his ear, and then make lots of eye contact with him during meals.”

3. …want to drive your guy wild.

As you’ve likely noticed, men often wake up with erections, says Amy Levine, a sexologist based in New York City and the founder of IgniteYourPleasure.com. So instead of making him wait all day, set your alarm for 10 minutes earlier on a work day and have a quickie first thing in the morning. You might enjoy it more, too. “As women age, they tend to get more tired at night, so evening sex is less desirable,” says Watson. In other words, you have more energy for a crack-of-dawn romp than a late-night one.

4. …want to relieve pain.

If you can get past the ick factor, making love while you’re on your period can actually reduce uncomfortable cramps, says Levine. “It may be because an orgasm causes uterine contractions, which ease pain, and your body releases the hormone oxytocin and the neurotransmitter dopamine, which make you feel happy and relaxed.” If you can expect sex when Aunt Flo shows, you just may look forward to your time of month!

Sexy Couple

5. …want to feel confident in bed.

Get it on after you’ve broken a sweat. A study from the University of Florida found that people who exercise without losing fat or gaining strength or endurance feel just as much body confidence as those who get fitter. So even if you don’t look different from your workout, you think you do, according to the research. That improved self-esteemcould make you freer between the sheets. Maybe you’ll even leave the lights on!

6. …want to have crazy, no-holds-barred sex.

Plan an unforgettable evening during a steamy time of year, like July or August in most parts of the country, because you’ll have more opportunities to get it on discreetly outside, like in your yard or on your roof, says Levine. Being outdoors means you’ve already left your comfort zone, so you may be more likely to think outside the box. “Plus, sunshine boosts serotonin in the brain, which improves your mood, so you may enjoy yourself more,” says Tammy Nelson, PhD, a sex and relationship expert in New Haven, CT, and author of Getting the Sex You Want.

7. …are too busy.

Schedule a weekend date night when you don’t have a work commitment and are less exhausted. You don’t even have to leave the house! Put on some mellow music, order in and take a breather together from the hectic week to enjoy each other’s company. Consider asking a friend or relative to take the kids out—the more romantic and relaxed the environment, the more you set the stage for amazing sex. “Focus on quality over quantity,” recommends Watts.

8. …want to get out of a sexual rut.

The longer you’ve been with your partner, the harder it is to be creative in the bedroom. And missionary style every Saturday night can get a little boring. To mix things up, set an alarm for 3 A.M. and straddle your spouse in the middle of the night, recommends Levine. We’re pretty sure he won’t mind being woken up.

9. …want to survive wedding season.

Summertime means party time—especially with weddings. These six-hour affairs are romantic and fun, but also draining. “By the time a wedding’s over, couples come home feeling too full, too drunk or too tired, and those factors can sabotage sex,” says Watson. If your calendar’s chock full of nuptials, it may be tough to get action. Why wait until midnight? Fool around before you leave for the event, and you’ll be glowing on the dance floor all night.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

8 Secrets of Sexually Satisfied Couples

by zfortadminin Sex

1. THEY SCHEDULE SEX.

What? Put “Have sex” on your calendar? “Absolutely!” say couples happy with their sex lives. Rather than killing the mood with a lack of spontaneity, scheduling sex tends to “take away all the very real excuses I could otherwise use, like that I’m exhausted after working and getting the kids to bed,” says Holly Jenkins,* who has been married for two years and has three boys under the age of 10. “For couples in long-term relationships, planning a romantic interlude leads to a higher-quality, more enjoyable sexual experience,” says Victoria Zdrok Wilson, JD, PhD, who cowrote The 30-Day Sex Solution with her husband, John Wilson. Instead of thinking of calendar sex as unromantic, view it instead as a delicious form of foreplay. Send each other anticipatory texts, plan what you’ll wear (or not), and so on.

2. THEY LOCK THE BEDROOM DOOR.

This little bit of hardware is essential in a home with children, says Jennifer Flanders, who’s been married 24 years and has 12 children, ranging in age from 11 months to 23 years. She jokes that whenever the family moves to a new home, a new lock on the master bedroom tops the to-do list. Even if you don’t have a physical lock, creating a sense of boundaries is key, says Sacha Mohammed—married 14 years, with 7 children. “I always made sure the children were put to bed on time when they were little so my husband and I could have our time together; the kids were also taught to always knock to announce their presence.” According to Dr. Zdrok Wilson, “each couple needs to evaluate their environment and determine the optimal conditions for great sex.” For some, a lock may be enough to create an adults-only barrier. Others may need to go further to create a sensual, relaxing haven in their bedroom by banning electronic gadgets, computers and TVs, not to mention kids and their toys!

3. THEY HAVE PERFECTED THE QUICKIE.

During certain critical periods in a marriage––particularly when you’re new parents––time and energy are both at a premium. Couples who maintain a good sex life during these challenging times have learned to make the quickie something that’s good for both of them. If you’ve avoided speedy sex sessions in the past because it takes time for you to physically get in the mood, don’t underestimate the power of the mind-body connection. Try thinking of a place or time when the sex was amazing, and use it like a meditation, taking yourself back there in your mind, says Sharon Gilchrest O’Neill, marriage and family therapist and author of A Short Guide to a Happy Marriage. And “don’t be afraid of fantasizing,” she adds, because if you can figure out how to use 20 minutes to your advantage, you can avoid dry spells in your sex life.

Man Waiting In Bed

4. THEY EXPERIMENT.

“Be open to different ways of expressing yourself sexually,” says Jenkins. “As with music, people tend to like a mix of the predictable and unexpected.” You have to find the right balance between being adventurous and being conventional: Don’t be so conventional that it’s boring. But don’t be so adventurous that you lose your intimacy–or level of comfort. This could mean everything from positions to the overall attitude you bring to the intimate encounter. Sexual ruts––always doing it on a certain day, at a certain time, in a certain room––can breed boredom. Something as simple as mixing it up on the living room floor or in the shower can add some much-needed spice. Or get out of the house entirely. “Many couples report that they have the best sex when they’re not at home,” says Dr. Zdrok Wilson. “I call it ‘the dirty little motel’ syndrome.” And it doesn’t have to be limited to when you’re on vacation—hire a babysitter or drop the kids off at their grandparents’ house every once in a while so the two of you can book a room even if it’s only for a couple of hours.

5. THEY KEEP COMMUNICATING.

Mohammed says that “excellent communication skills” is the top reason she and her husband continue to enjoy a satisfying sex life. “Before we got married, my husband told me we would talk about everything, and he meant it,” she says. There’s no other way to understand what your partner wants, needs or enjoys other than talking. And don’t make assumptions: You may be surprised to learn that what you thought was foolproof doesn’t really float his boat anymore, says Gilchrest O’Neill. “Save those conversations for when you’re not having sex, though in the actual moment, speak up about small adjustments your partner can make to increase enjoyment.”

6. THEY AVOID OR REJECT EXCUSES.

“Many of the excuses other couples use to avoid sex––like headaches, stress, tiredness or arguments––are some of the exact same reasons we choose to make sex a priority,” says Flanders. “Sex relieves pain, reduces stress, promotes better sleep and motivates us to settle our disagreements quickly.” Beware of letting excuses take on a life of their own, because, to use one example, the kids aren’t needy babies forever, and before you know it sex is so far on the back burner it’s fallen completely off the stove. “Brainstorm solutions to the things that get in the way of having sex,” suggests Gilchrest O’Neill. Tired? Go to bed earlier. Not enough time? Get creative with the hours or minutes you do have. However, if the root of your excuses isn’t fixable with practical changes (for example, if there are underlying problems or resentments), consider seeing a therapist.

7. THEY TRUST EACH OTHER.

Jenkins cites her and her husband’s adventurous sex life, but is quick to add that for adventurousness to exist, it has to be preceded by trust. “Great sex is a reflection of the overall rapport and communication you have in other rooms of the house. To have trust with your spouse, you have to always try to build each other up outside the bedroom. If you say or do something critical or disrespectful to your partner during the day, why would he want to be naked and try something new with you later that evening?” she asks. Trust, comfort and ease with each other happens when you engage in active listening, says Dr. Zdrok Wilson. “You have to work on listening to your partner in an active, empathetic way and reciprocate by confiding in him, and baring your own feelings,” she says. Once you two feel like allies—not adversaries—your sex life will feel more honest and, hopefully, a lot hotter!

8. THEY CARE ABOUT THEIR APPEARANCE AND HEALTH.

“We still take pride in how we look for each other,” says Mohammed. Certainly staying in shape and paying attention to appearance helps you and your partner maintain the mood. But it’s not just about pleasing your partner’s eye; taking care of yourself makes you feel good about yourself. Not only that, but your libido is dependent on your overall health. “When you feel unhealthy, tired, ill or lacking in energy, you’re not likely to be motivated to engage in regular sexual activity,” says Dr. Zdrok Wilson. So, hit the gym, put on some makeup or dress up even if you’re not going anywhere. Do whatever makes you feel sexy and he’s guaranteed to notice.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

5 Habits that will Prevent You from Getting Married

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

Are you standing in your own way of love?

Marriage is one of the most important decision in the life of every person and according to relationship experts, harmless habits can make people lonely and prevent them from getting married.

Sometimes highly successful and healthy people often cannot find a real love and get married, because it’s hard to make a right decision in this complicated and artificial world.

Your inability to find a life partner may lie within you, maybe there is something within your subconsciousness that make people walk away from commitment with you.

Diana White of Womanitely lists those 5 unconscious habits:

  1. They’re afraid of reality: I think that people who’re afraid of reality will never get married if they do nothing to overcome this fear. It’s been proved that every human being is afraid of reality in a varying degree and it’s absolutely normal, because fear is a natural response to danger. But when these fears and deep-seated phobias take over, people become unable to take risks and responsibilities. A bit later these too sensitive and emotional personalities become the victims of their active imagination. I think that this weakness should be eliminated at earliest convenience. Every woman yearns to get married with emotionally strong and self-confident man. Diffident personalities should once and for all realize that life is a constant struggle. If you want to reach success in either marriage or career, you should be ready to take up the running and face harsh realities of life with you head held high.

  2. They prefer to be passive lazybones: In most cases lonely people are passive lazybones. The pursuit of happiness and self-cultivation aren’t their pair of shoes. They don’t try to take the initiative, but want to take the best things from life. If they believe that they’ll eventually get married, then their chances are limited. Nothing in this life happens eventually. Life is a dynamic thing that requires people to be extremely active and productive. If you want other successful people to notice your talents, beauty and the depth of your rich inner world, you should open up and do your best to express yourself. But how can you meet a wonderful partner if you enjoy aimless passive pastime cooped up in your house? I’m sure that every lazybones can become an interesting and attractive person, if they finally get involved in different activities and find friends with common interests.

  3. They’re too judgmental: Nowadays many people have incredibly high standards, especially when it comes to personal life and marriage. Sometimes human principles don’t let people think rationally, but provoke them to judge others for their failures and weaknesses. People who don’t take any effort to find a compromise will never get married, because a healthy marriage is always based on mutual understanding and respect. Wise people say that sometimes it’s necessary to keep silent if you’re at odds with your partner. It will help you keep your love relationship healthy and strong. Furthermore, women should keep in mind that their habit of blaming their partners for low incomes can seriously damage man’s self-esteem. As a result, deep-seated contentment in man’s heart can gradually chill the ardor of his love. By all means, try not to offend people around you and you’ll be able to get married in a quite short period of time.

  4. They dedicate their life to career: Workaholism has become one of the most difficult and actual problems of a modern world. This problem has a lot of advantages and disadvantages. Do you believe that workaholism can make you a happy person? If a successful career is the top priority in your life, then sooner or later, you’ll achieve a desirable result. All you have to do is throw yourself into this work and live for it. Unfortunately, between two stools you fall to the ground. If you choose career, then you should be ready to sacrifice your health and love. Almost all workaholics find it difficult to build and maintain happy relationships, because they work and think only about their projects 24 hours a day. They have no time for love and romance.

  5. They cry for the moon: Today both men and women have blurred vision of reality. It seems to me that ladies still believe that one day a wonderful knight in shining armor will appear and win their hearts. Men waste valuable time looking for a bachelor’s wife. It’s high time to get rid of this pointless habit and finally realize that perfect people do exist only in your imagination. The only way to find a suitable partner is to set realistic goals. You need to be sure that your dreams and desires coincide with reality. If you’re dreaming to get married with Johnny Depp by all means, then your private life is in danger.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

What All Successful Couples Have In Common

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Do you have these traits in your relationship? 

Want an iron-clad marriage? Take note of these universal relationship techniques.

Marriage is hard work, whether you’ve been together for just two months or 20 years. No couple jumps the broom, breaks the glass or ties the knot without genuine hopes for happily ever after, right? But every couple inevitably has issues beneath the surface—it’s how they handle these obstacles that are the telltale signs of success. We tapped a few top marriage therapists to help us identify the common denominators among couples with healthy, enduring relationships. After all, what are the ingredients for long-lasting love?

They argue.

Occasional disagreements and “fighting fair” are not necessarily signs that a relationship is falling apart. “There is good data showing arguments are OK,” says psychologist Kristen Carpenter, PhD, Director of Women’s Behavioral Health at Ohio State’s Wexner Medical Center. “As long as you have positive interactions to offset them, you’re fine. These might include good discussions, date nights, affection or gratitude. Every couple is different, but arguments are definitely OK.”

In fact, arguments can actually be effective if they’re productive. By simply bottling up feelings, you’re creating a recipe for resentment and hostility, which can destroy a marriage.

So, how do you fight right? “Couples need to be able to identify and communicate their needs,” Dr. Carpenter says. “The minute one thinks, ‘He should know what I need,’ you’re setting yourself up for failure and disappointment.” No. One. Reads. Minds. Don’t lose sight of that.

They listen.

Just as much as you want to vocalize your own wants and needs, it’s imperative to hear the other person out, says marriage therapist Carin Goldstein, LMFT. “One of the biggest things that gets in the way of problem-solving is when a couple does not want to listen to each other,” she explains. “They do not hear each other, and they do not want to understand.”

If you’re struggling with this, Goldstein says the following re-framing exercise will help. “You effectively listen by repeating back what you’re taking away,” she says. “So, say to your partner, ‘What I’m hearing you say is that, when I do X, Y or Z, you feel attacked.‘” That way, you get temperature checks along the way, rather than barreling down a course of misunderstanding. If you want to be heard, you have to listen to your partner’s needs as well.

They absorb emotions without negativity.

If two partners are both negative nellies, Goldstein admits she wonders if they’ll be able to make it through the tough times. “Successful couples use positive language; couples that I really struggle with generally have a lot of criticism [in conversation],” says Goldstein. “It comes from such a deep place of contempt, where the other person does not feel valued or heard.”

To counter negativity, Goldstein has these couples consistently practice using positive language. “I have them start a conversation by saying what they genuinely appreciate about each other,” she says. “They also need to learn to listen to their spouse’s feelings without getting defensive. Emotions aren’t necessarily there to be rationalized. Sometimes, they just need to be expressed without interruption.”

They compromise.

Goldstein says, ultimately, the couples that succeed long-term are extremely adaptable. “I’ll have couples come into my office, and they are unwilling to compromise,” she says. “Sometimes I’ll tell them, if they’re not willing to compromise, they shouldn’t come back. It is impossible to be in any relationship without the ability to change and accommodate your partner.”

Remember, no one person is right or wrong, Goldstein says. It’s never black and white; there’s always a middle ground, and lasting couples put in the time to find that place where both can coexist comfortably.

They savor their time together (and apart).

Relationships take work—and more importantly, perhaps, they take time, says Carpenter. “This means staying in touch and protecting your time together,” she explains. “It looks different for every couple. For some, it’s texting throughout the day; for others, it’s a quick phone call at lunch. It might be a week-long getaway once a year, one movie night a week, a date night every so often or just 15 minutes of cuddling a day.”

No doubt you’re being pulled in a hundred different directions, thanks to work, family and friends. But value your time with your partner by making sure your time together doesn’t keep slipping down the totem pole.

Carpenter adds that you need to find what works for you—and “if you’re feeling off, maybe it’s not enough time together and you should address it,” she says. “Or maybe you’re not taking enough time for you. It’s impossible to be your best self in a relationship if you’re not your best self on your own. Sometimes, it makes sense to take a step back and look inward.”

So if it’s getting a little too close for comfort: take that solo spa trip, or make dates to decompress with your girls. Your marriage will probably be a whole lot healthier (and you’ll both be happier) when you rejoin forces.

By Jenna Birch

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

Love Rules – Supreme Court Rules in Favor of Marriage Equality

by zfortadminin LOVE

This affirms healthy and committed relationships for all couples!

 

I am overjoyed at today’s Supreme Court decision in Obergefell v. Hodges. As I’ve said many times over the last several years, marriage equality had the stamp of inevitability on it — it is not a matter or “if,” but “when.” Today, we know the answer: Marriage equality is here.

This is an enormous victory for the LGBT community, and for all of us who believe that everyone deserves to be treated equally under the law. Whether loving same-sex couples live in Illinois or anywhere else in the nation, they will now be able to join in marriage. As a founding member of the LGBT Equality Caucus, I have been on this side of the fight for equal rights all along. I want to congratulate all of my friends and colleagues who have worked so hard to make this a reality — whether pushing for changes to federal law, challenging unfair policies, marching in the streets or talking to their families and friends about the need for equality.

#‎marriageequality‬-lovejustwon

This is truly a day to celebrate how far our country has come and I am positive that there will be more victories to come. We will enact the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) to stop discrimination in the workplace and Student Non-Discrimination Act (SNDA) to end discrimination in our schools. Today’s decision shows how far our country and we will keep marching on until we establish equal rights for all.

 

Curated by Tatiana
Original Article

Unleash Your Sexual Goddess, Regain Your Confidence

by zfortadminin Sex

There are many ways to connect to sexiness that don’t require sex!

Married women can rediscover their sexual confidence via their bodies and brains.

Let’s talk about sex and marriage—they do go together, don’t they? Not if you ask many of my clients. In fact, it seems like the number of marriages with little or no sex is increasing.

Sexless marriage is not a new phenomenon. In a 2005 Family Circle national survey, 21 percent of married women said their sex lives were boring and routine, 21 percent reported having no sex life at all, and almost 50 percent said they had no desire to have sex with their partner.

Where are all of the sexually confident women, and why have they disappeared? Many of my female clients considered themselves sexual goddesses in their single lives. What makes a woman go from a spirited, sexual single woman to a bored, frustrated married one? The Truth About Sexless Marriage

Top View Of Playful Young Couple Enjoying In Bed

Here’s the answer: These former sexual goddesses are sleeping next to the same partner night after night, wondering where their desire has gone and if it will ever return. Their partners are no longer pursuing them like they did when they were dating, and they feel ugly from childbirth and aging. After a while they decide that their unsatisfying sex life is normal, and is the price you pay for a stable relationship and strong family. Little by little their sexual lives become as dry and tasteless as an old piece of toast. Where’s the butter?
There are many reasons married women lose their sexual confidence. Let’s explore two of the main issues: the body and the mind.

beautiful plus size woman diving in pool

First, your body. It’s hard to feel beautiful with a postpartum body, complete with stretch marks, flabby tummies and a chest that has gone south. Add to that the fact that many women use food to medicate emotional pain while comparing themselves to air-brushed models, and it’s no wonder that married women feel inadequate.

Let me tell you something I’ve learned from working with hundreds of couples, and from hearing husbands talk frankly about their wives: Men do not care about your postpartum body. They DO care about your sexual expression.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Love Built Through A-Model Connection

by zfortadminin LOVE

Strong love for the ages!

In 1959, Charlie B. drove his brand new model-A Ford from North Carolina down to Florida, where a yearbook picture brought him and Penny together. Over fifty years later, the car has fallen derelict but his 50 year marriage with Penny has flourished.
Love Built Through A-Model Connection

This piece is a love story, told through the revival of an old car; it demonstrates the power of human connection.

 

Curated by Erbe
Original Source

Boost Sexual Energy to Rejuvenate Your Relationship

by zfortadminin Sex

Get the excitement back!

When love is new, everything is exciting, including making love. It’s partly why that first few months of married bliss is called the “honeymoon stage”—everything is great, wonderful, and thrilling. However, over time and throughout the years, you may feel a little less energetic about getting intimate with your better half.

Boost Sexual Energy to Rejuvenate Your Relationship

Curated by Erbe
Original Source

Trusting Your Instinct

by Susanna Leein LOVE

I’ve never been one to trust my gut, follow my instinct, or listen to that little voice inside, and that’s how I found myself, at 26, saying “I do” in front of an official justice of the peace, the greatest Elvis impersonator I’ve ever seen, and a man I’d known for 3 months.  I didn’t marry an Elvis impersonator, I married a man I’d known for only 3 months, total.  I thought I was being romantic and carefree, disregarding societal norms and traditions.  As someone who’d had a million one-night/few-night stands, but only a couple adult relationships, I thought that the hardest part of being married was finding someone to marry me.  So when the opportunity came up, I grabbed it and ran, forcing solutions to any possible roadblock between me being alone, and me having legal proof that I was loveable.

At the time we started dating/got engaged, he hadn’t paid his rent for several months, so I insisted that he move in with me, rent free.  It’s not like having him there would raise the rent I was already covering, so what did it matter?  It was a small price to pay for the validation of being an integral part of someone’s basic needs being met.  He was unemployed, and couldn’t afford the rings, so I bought them.  Did you catch that?  I BOUGHT MY OWN WEDDING RING.  I also used my accumulated airline miles to cover our flights to/from Vegas, where I also paid for the actual wedding.  If that’s not romance, what is?

You’re probably thinking “Damn, the sex must’ve been mind-blowing, to turn you out like that!”, and I regret to tell you that the sex was nothing more than garden-variety.  It was fine, just fine.  Not great, not OMG, just fine sex, nothing to write home about.  But he was willing to only have it with me, and I thought that his lack of quantity of partners meant more than quality.

Now I wasn’t a total pushover, I did require him to get a job before we took our vows, which he kept until we’d been married for 2 weeks.  After that, he was unemployed for quite a while, long enough for me to max out my credit cards taking care of us, including keeping our social life active, because I really enjoyed spending time with our friends.  His and mine, they all got along, and we had great nights hanging out at our apartment with everyone, big spontaneous parties that were fun, truly fun.  I guess I was drunk so much that I didn’t realize that those were really the only fun times.  My marriage was like the boat ride in Willy Wonka: it started off exciting, but quickly became a seemingly inescapable nightmare.

Here’s the thing: I could’ve avoided the whole mess you’re about to read, if only I’d listened to my gut.  See, the night before the wedding, we got into a huge argument.  We were in our hotel, about to go gambling, something set him off, and all of a sudden, we were screaming at each other.  Right there in the hotel suite, in front of our wedding clothes and everything.  I left the room, heading down to the snack bar to catch my breath, to get some air that wasn’t hanging heavy with anger.  I was sitting alone at a big, round table, when I heard a voice say “Don’t do this, don’t marry him.”  It was a voice inside my head, but so calm and clear that it sounded like someone else.  I indulged in considering that option, and felt a wave of peace wash over me that was quickly chased away by worries and but-thens.   “But then I’ll have to admit that everyone who questioned us was right.”,  “But then I’ll have to give back the wedding gifts, and we’ve already opened them, and I don’t have the money to pay people back.” One friend had given us a bedding set from our wedding registry, and we’d already had sex on it, making it unreturnable, I assumed.  I chose ease over instinct, and here’s what happened:

After he quit his job, he very, very leisurely searched for another one.  By “leisurely”, I mean that he mostly spent his days playing video games, and circling a few want-ads in the paper.  I had to find another part-time job to cover our expenses, because what I brought in as a touring comedian and part-time artist’s model wasn’t enough to cover the living expenses for two.  I could easily take care of myself, but now I was married, and responsible for the welfare of another adult as well.  After several months, he landed another temp job.  Then lost it.  Then got another, keeping it for nearly 4 months before declaring it BS, and walking off mid-shift.  He then decided that he had burned bridges with all the temp agencies in our town, and since I was insistent that he financially contribute, our only real option was to move to a remote town in Oregon, where he would apprentice for his uncle as a cabinet maker until he had the skills to support us wherever we wanted to live.

We sold our cars, and I gave up my dream apartment to go live in a truckstop-town full of secrets, a Mayberry on meth.  His uncle was “sober”, meaning that he smoked a lot of weed, but only occasionally had a beer or 6.  I’m not blaming the weed or booze for his laziness, but the cabinets never got made, and our situation did not improve. There were no jobs for him to get, after he failed the drug test for the one supermarket in town that had an opening. I guess I’d never known actual misery before, and being aware of that, and the impossibility of getting out of it all only made it worse.  After having my life threatened by a confused and angry tweeker who wandered into the porn store where I was a cashier for $20 a day, 3 days a week (our only source of income, btw) we moved to a bigger city. My husband quickly got an actual full-time job, but our relationship never flourished, or even recovered to the level of previous discontent.  I tried several times to end it, but, not wanting to repeat what he saw as the mistakes of his 5-times married father, he refused divorce.  Whenever I’d suggest it, he’d pull out the dramatics, one time actually throwing himself on the ground and repeatedly punching himself in the head.

I was afraid of his rage, his yelling, I remember being on the phone with him while I was on the road working, him loudly shouting accusations about why I hadn’t called him sooner after the show, and being scared to move, scared to sit up in my hotel room bed for fear he would somehow know, and it would somehow make him yell more, even though he was hundreds of miles away, not actually physically present.

After a few years of taking my vows seriously, and respecting the sanctity of our marriage, I resigned myself to the idea that it was just easier to stay married, but spend as much time as possible away from home pretending I wasn’t, than it was to get out of it.

Eventually we broke up, while I was out of town.  I cried all the time during my marriage, but not once over the death of it, never regretting the end at all.  To this day, the only thing I do regret was not listening to the voice I heard in Vegas, that of my small but clear instinct, which could’ve saved me 4 years and 4 million tears.

 

Should Relationships End?

by Riley Silvermanin LOVE

Not too long ago I had to listen to a lecture for work reasons that was about the topic of whether or not it was a good idea for a couple to live together before they got married.  The lecture was skewed towards people of faith, so the natural conclusion was that it wasn’t better.  Rather than fall back on the old standard of living in sin, however, the speaker backed his position up with actual numbers, citing evidence that the divorce rates for people who got married after living together were significantly higher for those who “shacked up” versus those who didn’t make Jesus cry. Thus, those who wait till marriage are more likely to have a successful marriage.

These numbers, I should point out, are fiercely debated and a quick Google search on them yields hundreds of different articles questioning what other factors, like age, economics, etc., could have a stronger correlation to the divorce rates than the shacking up does.  I would also argue that a factor to consider is that the very people who would wait till marriage to live together out of fear of their parents or God or both, are the same people who probably aren’t too likely to consider getting a divorce as a really viable option either.  So of course those people have lower divorce rates. But do they necessarily have happier marriages, or are they just more likely to stay in a bad marriage because they won’t consider a divorce?

What if, and just come with me on this, what if we completely threw out the idea that the single greatest marker of a successful marriage, or any relationship, is that it doesn’t end? It seems crazy, I know, but just think about it.  Each and every one of us probably has at least one great relationship in our past with someone who we ultimately didn’t end up staying with.  What if that wasn’t a failed relationship, but was actually a resounding success? …a resounding success that just happened to end at some point.

Maybe, just maybe, the very real possibility exists that great successful but ultimately short-term relationships are not only possible, but in many, many cases they are so by design.  I could think of the amazing, five month long relationship I had with a woman named Hilary that started in 2009 and ended in 2010 when I moved to Los Angeles as a failure I suppose but I don’t see it that way.  I think the two of us helped each other through a strange transitional moment in both of our lives. It was beautiful while it lasted and then it came to an end when it had to.  I can think of the fact that my parents’ marriage, which is going on forty years’ strong, is not my father’s first marriage, and the fact that I wouldn’t exist if he and his first wife had felt they had to make it work.

So often we let the culture teach us that ending a relationship is the result of a personal failure on our part.  We didn’t work hard enough, we didn’t make the right effort, we were too selfish, etc.  And maybe that’s true sometimes.  But I think the reality is that humans are complicated beings with more and more complicated lives and sometimes we’re so complicated that what is best for us one year might not be the next, or five, ten, fifty years down the road.  Sometimes no amount of work, no amount of attention, will make a relationship last.  Sometimes separating from your partner is the most loving thing you can do.

Modern Marriage Part 1: Why I Eloped

by Alexandra Norrisin LOVE

Don’t freak out or anything. But I have some news. I got married. And to tell you the truth, not much has changed.

We are all living in a new world now. Priorities are shifting. Spending $30k to feel like a rich princess for a day in what is effectively a quinceanera for grownups, may not be your bag, and it wasn’t ours either.

Most of our close friends are spread across various cities, states and other countries; and the idea of something very private between us made public, rendered by my boyfriend extremely uncomfortable. While I am a little more comfortable with receiving attention, I would rather spend that time and money going out to visit them; or hosting them when it’s convenient for them and we can spend time together individually.

Here’s the other thing; eloping is fun. It is easy. And most importantly, it is about the two people getting married. There is no other time in a relationship when other people are invited in; no funeral for the end of one, no party for electing to stay single. No one cares about your anniversaries. When you elope, you get to do things the way you want to, on your own terms, without having to worry about keeping other people happy.

For us, as an international couple in our early 30s; in a relationship for nearly two years, and living together for half of that time, being married allows us to start making long term plans. I can actually start seeing myself staying with him long term and developing our lives together in one place like real grown ups.

A wedding wasn’t our focus, it was simply solidifying our existence as a team. I like to compare it to signing the mortgage on our love. The event itself was an afterthought; a whim, really. Something we discussed in pragmatic terms for some time and when the stars aligned, we went for it. We were never officially engaged, and ‘fiance’ was a term I never coveted nor used. In the weeks leading up to our shotgun love mortgage, I contacted close friends and family to invite them down, but when I saw my husband-to-be’s visible discomfort with any form of attention, I reeled it back in.

Once we get settled, we do plan on having a party with close friends and some family, maybe even several of them, in different places, as a kind of honeymoon/reception double feature. With a healthy distance between being married this sounds like our kind of adventure. One where any feelings of pressure surrounding being put on display, or entertaining others with our private feelings and plans together, grow rapidly smaller in our rear-view.

On our wedding day, my boyfriend brought his father who was visiting from out of town. I brought my friend to officiate and double as my emotional touchstone. We spoke to our other close ones on the phone.

My mother was ready to hop on a plane, but wouldn’t make it in time. I really wanted her to be there, but she has always been one to offer immediate and unflinching support, without holding on too tightly. I’ve always been a wanderlust out on some other part of the world as soon as I could get my hands on it, and she knew this was on the horizon for us, so this was no surprise and we were okay.  My recently estranged brother was crestfallen not to be there, but took the opportunity to break his silence with some very kind things that opened up our relationship in a lovely way.

My mother-in-law to be, however, made her objections known over the phone. I can imagine this sort of thing is hard for a lot of family members, and especially a mother, protective of her son.  She and I have very different ideas about marriage, which I completely understood. She kindly, firmly and respectfully filibustered our plan over the phone. As soon as he caught wind of this, my future father in law swiftly instructed his son to get me off the phone and be there for me while he started the car.

The sincere care I heard for both of us (though, obviously mostly for him) came through amidst her reservations, and the warmth and eager support I received immediately from his father solidified a profound love and appreciation for a family I barely knew. I saw a lot of my husband in him. As I sat in the back seat of the car heading to the chapel,  I watched them both for a moment and took in how fortunate I was to be in their company.

We arrived at the very friendly little chapel, expecting to sign the papers and be on our way, when they happened to have a room open up at the end of the day. I think it might have helped that they liked us, as they let us go inside and make up our own ceremony. It was silly and fun and just for us.

In the aftermath, despite being alternately nervous about taking the leap, and dismissive of the whole idea of traditional marriage, I have been pleasantly surprised with how relaxed things have felt since we pulled the trigger. It feels like a weight’s been lifted and married life is actually a lot fun so far. That honeymoon period is real, y’all.

One thing that I’ve found interesting, has been how much everyone else freaks out about it all; both eloping and our marriage in general. It’s like there is something in us that needs to explode a little bit  and let that Bridget Jones out of her diary for a second, and I sympathize. I get excited for my friends when they are excited about their love.  We have all been encouraged to get excited about the pomp and circumstance of it all, practically since birth.

I love sentiment and I do like jewelry; but tradition isn’t the right fit for us. I don’t like the idea of having a dress I will never wear again collecting space in my closet. The idea of an overpriced rock on my hand to mark someone’s claim on me isn’t appealing either.

With that said, I will most definitely accept a ring, or a necklace, or earrings (wait no, I’ll probably lose those, maybe a bracelet) just for the hell of it. My grandmother instilled this in me with her very glamourous collection of baubles. As wonderful and beautiful as those things are, however, we don’t have that kind of money right now. The way he routinely plugs my phone in for me when I forget, or how he kisses my head before he leaves for work early in the morning while I sleep, are the kinds of things that squeeze my heart more than trying to get him to fit into a box of things he is prescribed to do.

Here is our To Do list, while we chip away at our hefty collection of debt and pull ourselves into an improved financial situation:

  • Adopt a dog and a cat to grow up together (his idea, I’m fine with it)
  • Sell our cars and get one slightly shinier one to share (my idea, he is fine with it)
  • Find an affordable apartment of our own, with enough space for our friends or parents to visit (an idea we share equally); ideally with a room that can also double as our solitude from each other’s farts– or an office…

Even if we wanted it, traditional stuff doesn’t have much room to fit on that list.

In another relationship, at another time in my life, with a different person, perhaps all of this would be different. Perhaps an extravagant affair or someone I call “fiance” for a year would make sense. As we have grown together, I have learned that anniversaries, birthdays and other forced gift-events are not going to work for us. But, every month he dutifully budgets taking me out to whatever new restaurant he’s discovered which has at least four stars and 200 yelp reviews, and to every single movie theatre in a 15 mile radius, as long as we can get there before the trailers start. That is what works for us, and I am kind of proud of that.

What is your idea of a modern wedding?