10 Reasons Why Dating Is So Complicated Now

When we were younger, romantic relationships seemed so much simpler. If we liked someone, we told them — and if they felt the same, we got together. These days, things are endlessly more complicated and frustrating, and dating as a millennial is seriously f*cked up.

1. We ghost as a way to end things.

If we’re no longer interested in someone, we don’t need to tell them — we simply stop responding. If someone did this to us in real life, it would be completely psychotic, but because it’s over text or an instant message, we’ve somehow resigned ourselves to thinking it’s OK. Newsflash: it’s totally not. Even in the golden ages, the “Dear John” letter was left on the table in the foyer, but now, we’re lucky if you even get a typed string of characters saying “I’m sorry, it’s not working.”

2. We’re hyper-focused on sex.

Sex is scarily available — we can have it simply with the swipe of a finger. There’s zero effort made into getting to know someone for who they truly are unless we’re willing to undress and show the most sacred parts of ourselves first. And most of the time, sex doesn’t lead to a relationship — it leads to heartache, confusion and another one-night stand with the next person.

3. We’re in a competition of who can care the least.

Showing actual emotions is heavily frowned upon. If we show our cards and act like we’re interested, it leaves the person we’re affectionate about turned off and running in the opposite direction instead of being flattered that we actually give a sh*t about them. There’s little gratitude for honest and happy emotions.

4. We’re too strategic about our responses.

Responding right away comes across as desperate and too available. It’s amazing how millennials view the luxury of having instant access to communication as something we need to treat as if we’re still using carrier pigeons. Instant messaging is just that — it’s f*cking instant — but we still withhold our response times to try and show just how busy, important, and unattached we are. What backward and bullsh*t logic.

5. We expect a perfection that doesn’t exist.

Social media and thousands of dating profiles shoved in our faces lead us to believe we’re entitled a fairy tale life that doesn’t truly exist. We write people off for a minor detail and quickly look for the next best thing that we’ll somehow also find flaws in. Nothing is ever good enough for millennials. We fail to realize that relationships are a balanced bond and that with the amazing things come imperfections as well.

6. We’re overloaded with options.

We don’t believe we need to settle on anything because there’s always someone better looking with a better family life, better hobbies or someone with a better bank account. We move from person to person and even if we land on someone that makes us feel great and we could totally devote ourselves to in a relationship, we’re never quite willing to give up the search. The never-ending journey becomes more exhilarating than the actual prize itself.

7. We’ve become content with being alone.

While we’ve been navigating the journey to find love, we’ve consequently committed our lives to ourselves and made them into something that’s happy and rewarding without someone to love, which means it’s that much harder to invite a relationship into our lives. We’re fine on our own, so we won’t leave our comfort zones for anyone. Sometimes we even find minor and trivial reasons not to because we’re secretly happy with things just the way they are.

8. We’re always stuck in a grey area.

Almost relationships and no strings attached sex are the millennial versions of commitment. We’re left constantly wondering where relationships are headed, if anywhere, and plague ourselves with wondering if we’re wasting our time. No one is clear about their intentions, some lie about their intentions entirely just to have their ego’s stroked for a while, and basically no one has any clue what the f*ck is going on.

9. We don’t feel accountable for the pain we inflict on to others.

When we’ve hurt someone’s feelings, we don’t feel even the slightest bit inclined to apologize or to make good on our wrongs. It’s not our problem — it’s theirs. A person’s emotions, even if caused by something we did or said, is up to them to resolve. We feel entitled to walk around acting like complete d*cks with the expectation that the way it’s received is a reflection of the person we dump our sh*t on and nothing to do with the fact that we were the cruel ones.

10. We’re all jaded as f*ck.

Trust is severely lacking in our dating culture. We’re in the thick of a hookup culture that values sex more than love, temporary fulfillment instead of life-long commitment and lazy ass communication that often gets lost in translation. We’re all so confused by our own pasts, and with heaps of more sh*t constantly being added to the pile, we’re all becoming more and more jaded than ever before. We don’t even trust that love exists anymore because all we’re constantly met with disappointment. Dating as a millennial is like being in an apocalypse of love — and it’s pretty f*cked up.

Curated by Peggy
Original Article

When Is The Right Time to Move In With a Partner?

How soon is too soon?

“I’m moving in with him!”

My excitement didn’t seem to matter to most. I was “living” in Boston at the time, and I use the term “living” very loosely, as I was journeying to Rhode Island every night to see my boyfriend anyway. It made sense to move in. But we had only been dating for two months.

“Wow, that was fast.”

I heard again and again. I would tell people, and they would respond with either this phrase, or would just give me an insane amount of side-eye. Our friend group was already throwing a lot of shade our way for dating in the first place, and this decision didn’t exactly help our cause.

What they didn’t understand was that yes, of course we were in love and wanted to spend every night together, but also why should I be paying rent for a room that I’m never in, when I could be paying less to live somewhere I’m already at every night anyway? It was the logical next step. And while some judged, plenty other friends supported and understood our decision.

In other circumstances, though, when is too soon? If you already live in the same city, does it make sense? According to a survey conducted by Rent.com, 37% of people say that six months to a year is the appropriate waiting time before moving in with a partner. However, more than 18% of the sample said that a couple shouldn’t move in until after marriage.

It all depends on how comfortable you are in a relationship. If you’re vibing well, and can see a future together, then it makes sense to move in sooner rather than later. If a partner is still skeptical after a few years, then maybe the relationship isn’t built to last.

Money is an issue to consider as well.

couple moving in together
My two best couple friends have been together for over five years now, and while they spend most of their time at one of their houses, they haven’t officially moved in together. Their plan is to save up enough money while living with their parents, in order to be able to get their own apartment together in a nice part of town. The two of them are taking their time and planning their future in an economically feasible way.

My circumstance also mostly came down to money. While in Boston, I was paying $800 plus utilities for my room alone. In Rhode Island, the two-bedroom apartment I ended up moving into was about $825 plus utilities, split between me, my boyfriend, and our roommate. Each of us are now paying $275, which is about $400 utilities included. This plus my daily train fare to the city is still cheaper than my entire rent would be in Boston.

And of course, the idea of spending all of your time with your partner is important too. My partner and I were best friends before we started dating, so I had already spent a good amount of time staying at his place. We already knew we worked well together in a living situation. I was even already helping with chores around the house. There were no doubts going into it.

Sometimes it just makes sense.

Whether the reasons are monetary, distance, or even just because you want more time with your loved one, it truly is a person-by-person basis that determines whether or not you’re ready to make that step. My partner and I quickly realized that the judgements from others didn’t matter. It was about us and what made us happiest.

Moving in together is ultimately a great way of telling whether or not your significant other is the right person for you. It’s a nice feeling to be able to come home and see your person every night, not having to worry about a lonely night in ever again. The best part about all of it is the fact that you get to spend more time with your S.O., and isn’t that what a couple ultimately wants?

Read more stories like this such as How to Learn to Love Yourself While Loving Someone Else or When You Say “I Do,” Does That Mean “I Do Take Your Name?”