Crying Couples—Did they pass the LOVE TEST?

How would you and your partner fare at this test?

Get your tissues ready, people.

What if you could love yourself as much as your significant other loved you?

Tatia Pilieva sought to answer that question with “Love Test,” in which she talks to couples about their relationships — and each woman’s insecurities.

For “Love Test,” Pilieva filmed the couples in two different sessions: In the first, the couples are on screen together, describing their love stories. After that, Pilieva prompts them to indulge in treating themselves to a ritual created by Dr. Timothy de Waal Malefyt, a clinical associate professor at Fordham University​. In the second session, the women are on screen alone, describing how the ritual helped them and their relationships.

The short film helps illuminate Revlon’s findings, in a recent study conducted by Dr. de Waal Malefyt, ​that ​97 percent of women reported a significant change in themselves within the first week of adopting the aforementioned beauty ritual.

​”I wanted to create a film that celebrates women. All women,” Pilieva said. “I wanted to show that our love runs deeper than our doubts or insecurities.”

Did they pass the LOVE TEST?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Crying and How to Embrace It

From time to time, one or the other is going to cry. Some people are natural at being present with a crying partner, but others really struggle to know what to do, how to respond, what to feel, what to say.

If you are not the cause of the tears, it is good to hold and hug and say what is happening in a kind, gentle voice. E.g. “You’re sad; you’re crying; it’s so sad; I’m so sorry you’re sad”. You don’t need to say much and you don’t need to say anything clever. Just say what is happening.

Do not say, “Better to get it out; you’ll feel better after a good cry”, etc.

Do not say, “Oh, don’t cry; please don’t cry; big boys/girls don’t cry”, etc.

The encouragements to cry and the instructions not to cry are both examples of what people do when they are not comfortable with being in the presence of tears. They find it hard to attend to the other’s sadness and instead attend to their own agenda of reducing their own anxiety.

If you are the cause of the tears, it is good to hold and hug, too, but respect a rebuff. Don’t insist on hugging when your tearful partner has indicated that she or he wants you to keep your distance. What you are being told to do is “stand back and witness the unhappiness you have caused.” This does not mean you can leave the room; it means stay, attend, but respect the current wish for you to give your partner some space.

If you are allowed to hold and hug, do so while saying, “I’m so sorry; I can’t bear to see you so sad; I can’t bear to be the cause of your unhappiness; I’m very sorry.”

Do not ask for forgiveness, do not debate the issue or try to apportion blame or to say it is 50/50. It may be 50/50, but now is not the time to say it. Now is the time to offer comfort.

If you do not know the cause of the tears, it is good to hold and hug, while asking, “what’s happened? Why are you crying? Do you want to tell me?” Respect any signals to keep quiet, or to stop asking questions, or to stop hugging. The questions that I have suggested, however, are likely to draw a response that will clarify the cause. Be patient, let the tears flow, and then when your partner can speak, he or she is likely to tell you the reason.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Using Sex to Cope with Emotions

My experience with hypersexuality involved meeting men on Craigslist expressly for the purpose of having sex.

I love sex. Maybe more than the average person. But having had an episode of bipolar hypersexuality — defined clinically as extremely frequent or suddenly increased sexual urges or sexual activity — I’m always careful when starting a new sexual relationship. I know that I can have a healthy sex life even with this struggle in my past, but it takes some careful attention to my situation and to my feelings.

My experience with hypersexuality involved meeting men on Craigslist expressly for the purpose of having sex. Other than work, finding the next sexual partner was my primary focus during that time. As is common with this condition, I couldn’t find the pleasure that I sought with these encounters, which made me seek out even more men. The driving force behind hypersexuality is actually bipolar mania, so without proper treatment or a change in my condition, my sexual behavior was not likely to change.

After having gone through this period of intense sexuality, I sometimes view my sexual appetite as a symptom. I’ve been careful to ask myself whether I’m really feeling someone’s vibe or if I’m about to have sex because I’m driven by other feelings. That helps me make sure that I’m well emotionally, my bipolar is under control, and that I’m about to be intimate with someone for the right reasons.

Recently, I was reminded of a period when I was driven by hypersexuality in a relationship. There is a man in my life, Steven, that I see every few years. It’s one of those situations where we just can’t get out of each other’s systems — you know what I mean. The last time he called me, I was a mess. I’d recently gotten out of the hospital and was still reeling from a breakup earlier that year. Of course, I agreed to see him and we got together a few times. But what I really wanted to do was see Steven more frequently. I couldn’t stop thinking about him, calling him, imagining how wonderful it would be if we just had more sex. When I didn’t get what I wanted from him, I went to dating sites — I’ll never go back to Craigslist — but couldn’t meet anyone. That’s when I knew that I was in trouble.

Fortunately, I confessed my behavior to my therapist while getting an adjustment in medication to keep the mania at bay. I learned that, yes, hypersexuality can be a symptom of my disease, but that it can also be a symptom of unregulated emotions. My experience with Steven was probably a little of both, since I’d been a bit lonely since my breakup and I saw sex as something that I could use to replace any other negative feelings I had. I know now that it’s not healthy for me to use physical intimacy as a substitute for my emotions.

Steven called me a few weeks ago and we did get together. These days I’m healthier and clearer about the role of sex in my life, and I decided to be with Steven because of my feelings for him and not as a surrogate for anything — or anyone — else. As a result, we can have a fulfilling, honest and healthy sexual relationship and I don’t have to worry about triggering an episode of hypersexuality or other unhealthy behavior. So far its going well for me, which I believe is working out well for Steven too. If you know what I mean.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Transparent Feelings …Can Men Reveal Themselves More?

With so much research showing that young males suffer beneath the gravity of conventional masculinity, why isn’t there more help for them on campus?

Last semester, a student in the masculinity course I teach showed a video clip she had found online of a toddler getting what appeared to be his first vaccinations. Off camera, we hear his father’s voice. “I’ll hold your hand, O.K.?” Then, as his son becomes increasingly agitated: “Don’t cry!… Aw, big boy! High five, high five! Say you’re a man: ‘I’m a man!’ ” The video ends with the whimpering toddler screwing up his face in anger and pounding his chest. “I’m a man!” he barks through tears and gritted teeth.

The home video was right on point, illustrating the takeaway for the course: how boys are taught, sometimes with the best of intentions, to mutate their emotional suffering into anger. More immediately, it captured, in profound concision, the earliest stirrings of a male identity at war with itself.

This is no small thing. As students discover in this course, an Honors College seminar called “Real Men Smile: The Changing Face of Masculinity,” what boys seem to need is the very thing they fear. Yet when they are immunized against this deeper emotional honesty, the results have far-reaching, often devastating consequences.

Despite the emergence of the metrosexual and an increase in stay-at-home dads, tough-guy stereotypes die hard. As men continue to fall behind women in college, while outpacing them four to one in the suicide rate, some colleges are waking up to the fact that men may need to be taught to think beyond their own stereotypes.

In many ways, the young men who take my seminar — typically, 20 percent of the class — mirror national trends. Based on their grades and writing assignments, it’s clear that they spend less time on homework than female students do; and while every bit as intelligent, they earn lower grades with studied indifference. When I asked one of my male students why he didn’t openly fret about grades the way so many women do, he said: “Nothing’s worse for a guy than looking like a Try Hard.”

In a report based on the 2013 book “The Rise of Women: The Growing Gender Gap in Education and What It Means for American Schools,” the sociologists Thomas A. DiPrete and Claudia Buchmann observe: “Boys’ underperformance in school has more to do with society’s norms about masculinity than with anatomy, hormones or brain structure. In fact, boys involved in extracurricular cultural activities such as music, art, drama and foreign languages report higher levels of school engagement and get better grades than other boys. But these cultural activities are often denigrated as un-masculine by preadolescent and adolescent boys.”

Throughout elementary school and beyond, they write, girls consistently show “higher social and behavioral skills,” which translate into “higher rates of cognitive learning” and “higher levels of academic investment.”

It should come as no surprise that college enrollment rates for women have outstripped men’s. In 1994, according to a Pew Research Center analysis, 63 percent of females and 61 percent of males enrolled in college right after high school; by 2012, the percentage of young women had increased to 71, but the percentage of men remained unchanged.

By the time many young men do reach college, a deep-seated gender stereotype has taken root that feeds into the stories they have heard about themselves as learners. Better to earn your Man Card than to succeed like a girl, all in the name of constantly having to prove an identity to yourself and others.

The course “Real Men Smile,” which examines how the perceptions of masculinity have and haven’t changed since the 18th century, grew out of a provocative lecture by Michael Kimmel, the seminal researcher and author in the growing field of masculine studies.

Dr. Kimmel came to my campus, Towson University, in 2011 to discuss the “Bro Code” of collegiate male etiquette. In his talk, he deconstructed the survival kit of many middle-class, white male students: online pornography, binge drinking, a brotherhood in which respect is proportional to the disrespect heaped onto young women during hookups, and finally, the most ubiquitous affirmation of their tenuous power, video games.

As Dr. Kimmel masterfully deflected an outpouring of protests, the atmosphere grew palpably tense. A young man wearing fraternity letters stood up. “What you don’t get right is that girls are into hooking up as much as we are; they come on to us, too,” he said. Dr. Kimmel shook his head, which left the student clearly rattled.

His voice quavering, the young man stammered something unexpected from a frat brother, about how women can be as insensitive and hurtful as guys. He sounded like a victim himself. But afterward, when I asked him if he had reached out to any of his guy friends for advice or solace, he stared at me, incredulous, his irises two small blue islands amid a sea of sclera. “Nah, I’ve got this,” he said.

I wanted the course to explore this hallmark of the masculine psyche — the shame over feeling any sadness, despair or strong emotion other than anger, let alone expressing it and the resulting alienation. Many young men, just like this student, compose artful, convincing masks, but deep down they aren’t who they pretend to be.

Research shows what early childhood teachers have always known: that from infancy through age 4 or 5, boys are more emotive than girls. One study out of Harvard Medical School and Boston Children’s Hospital in 1999 found that 6-month-old boys were more likely to show “facial expressions of anger, to fuss, to gesture to be picked up” and “tended to cry more than girls.”

“Boys were also more socially oriented than girls,” the report said — more likely to look at their mother and “display facial expressions of joy.”

This plays out in the work of Niobe Way, a professor of applied psychology at New York University. After 20-plus years of research, Dr. Way concludes that many boys, especially early and middle adolescents, develop deep, meaningful friendships, easily rivaling girls in their emotional honesty and intimacy.

But we socialize this vulnerability out of them. Once they reach ages 15 or 16, “they begin to sound like gender stereotypes,” she writes in “Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection.” “They start using phrases such as ‘no homo’ … and they tell us they don’t have time for their male friends, even though their desire for these relationships remains.”

As women surpass men on campus, the threat felt by thin-skinned males often reveals itself in the relationships where they feel most exposed. “Boys are not only more invested in ongoing romantic relationships but also have less confidence navigating them than do girls,” writes the sociologist Robin W. Simon in The Journal of Health and Social Behavior. That’s problematic, because “romantic partners are their primary sources of intimacy,” whereas young women confide in friends and family.

Some cultural critics link such mounting emotional vulnerability to the erosion of male privilege and all that it entails. This perceived threat of diminishing power is exposing ugly, at times menacing fault lines in the male psyche. Experts point to sexual assaults on campus and even mass murders like those at a community college in Oregon and a movie theater in Colorado. These gunmen were believed to share two hypermasculine traits: feelings of profound isolation and a compulsion for viral notoriety.

With so much research showing that young men suffer beneath the gravity of conventional masculinity, men’s studies is gaining validation as a field of its own, not just a subset of women’s studies. Hobart and William Smith Colleges has offered a minor in men’s studies since the late ’90s. The Center for the Study of Men and Masculinities was established in 2013 at Stony Brook University, part of the State University of New York, and plans to offer its first master’s degree program in 2018. Last year, the center hosted the International Conference on Men and Masculinities, where topics included fatherhood, male friendships and balancing work and family life.

So why don’t campuses have more resource centers for men?

Some universities offer counseling services for men of color and gay men, and some sponsor clubs through which male members explore the crisis of sexual violence against women. Only a precious few — the University of Massachusetts and Simon Fraser University among them — offer ways for all men to explore their shared struggles. And these don’t exist without pushback. Talk of empowering men emotionally yields eye rolling at best, furious protest at worst — as when the Simon Fraser center was proposed, in 2012, and men and women alike challenged the need for a “safe space” for members of the dominant culture.

But wouldn’t encouraging men to embrace the full range of their humanity benefit women? Why do we continue to limit the emotional lives of males when it serves no one? This question is the rhetorical blueprint I pose to students before they begin what I call the “Real Man” experiment.

In this assignment, students engage strangers to explore, firsthand, the socialized norms of masculinity and to determine whether these norms encourage a healthy, sustainable identity.

The findings result in some compelling presentations. One student interviewed her male and female friends about their hookups and acted out an amalgam of their experiences through the eyes of a male and a female character; another explored the pall of silence and anxiety that hangs over campus men’s rooms; two students gleaned children’s gender perceptions in a toy store. One of the most revealing projects was a PowerPoint by a student who had videotaped himself and then a female friend pretending to cry in the crowded foyer of the university library, gauging the starkly different reactions of passers-by.

“Why do you think a few young women stopped to see if your female friend was O.K.,” I asked him, “but no one did the same thing for you?”

He crossed his arms, his laser pointer pushing against his bicep like a syringe, and paused. Even at this point in the semester, the students, some of whom had studied gender issues before, seemed blind to their own ingrained assumptions. So his response raised many eyebrows. “It’s like we’re scared,” he said, “that the natural order of things will completely collapse.”

Curated by Timothy
Original Article

10 Creative Ways to Tell Someone Just How Amazing They Are to You

Saying “I love you” can become a form of punctuation in a long-term relationship.

People say it at the end of a phone call, or on their way out the door, or as they’re falling asleep at night. And there’s nothing wrong with this. Expressing love often is a good thing! And it’s a nice way to check in with your partner each day — or multiple times a day.

Except that when you say it so often, the phrase can become rote. How often do you say those three words, “I love you,” without stopping to think about the fact that you love this person? Most of the time, right? Again, there’s nothing wrong with this. We’re all busy. We have jobs to do, Facebook statuses to update, weeds to pull, mail to open, sex to have. If we paused to consider what it means to love someone every time we said “I love you,” we’d never have time to shop for groceries.

That all said, sometimes it’s nice to stop and actually think about how much your partner means to you. So here are 10 things you can say to your partner to convey this — words that are much harder to recite without thinking about what they really mean. Especially the parts that make you blush. Just don’t use them all up in one day!

1. You’re so effing hot.

That sneaky swear word is there to say: I’m so overwhelmed by how good-looking you are that only an f-bomb will truly convey my feelings.

2. I’m more in love with you today than I was yesterday.

We like the specificity of this. It’s not just that you love your partner more than you used to — it’s that today you actually sat down and thought about the fact that your love grew in the past 24 hours.

3. You just made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants.

OK, maybe skip the pee mention. But you get the idea. Fortunately, for long-term monogamous couples, a sense of humor doesn’t droop in the same way an aging penis or aging boobs do. Still, it’s easy to forget how funny your partner is. This is a reminder to take the time to make each other laugh… and to appreciate it when it happens.

The Secret Code of Hugging

What’s in a man’s hug?

Have you ever wondered what goes through one’s mind when a hug is exchanged? Well, healing takes place magically. Suddenly the world seems better. You start to feel positive about life. Like someone once said, a bear hug after a long day is sometimes all you need to feel better.

It’s a known fact that a hug is the biggest stress buster for human beings. As we humans are bound with feelings, the emotional gestures become crucial for us and hug being one of them. Having said that did you know just as we can know about a person from the way he shakes hands, same way you can know your guy the way he hugs you?

“One day someone will hug you so tight that all your broken pieces will fit back together.”

This hug day FashionLady has come up with an exclusive edition helping you understand the meaning behind his embrace. The way your beau hugs you tells a lot about his feelings for you.

Let’s Look At Different Types Of Hugs

  • The sneak hug
  • Hug with a gentle rub
  • The waist wrap hug
  • Hug with a pat
  • Hug with touching his head to yours

Now let’s look at each of the different types of hugs in detail and learn the significance of a hug, actually each of the different hugs.

The Sneak Hug

In this hug, your guy sneaks from your behind and puts his arms around your chest! In this type of a guy hug girl from behind, the feeling can be most amazing as a sneaking and sudden grab and hold will make you feel more wanted and secure. These hugs are amazing specially when given while the girl is busy cooking, doing the dishes, while she is reading a book and so on.

This kind of gesture suggests that the guy is madly in love with you. He wants you to make you realize about the oneness here, as wraps your body with his arms, while keeping your feet intertwined. As per author of Success Signals, Patti Wood, “By covering your back, he’s conveying that he wants to shelter you. He’s also flexing his masculinity — this displays his strength and dominance.”

However be warned that if you husband/boyfriend frequently hugs you from the back. You should realize that he is longing for a closer connection but thinks you’re unavailable. As per Christopher Blazina, PhD, author of The Secret Lives of Men, “He avoids hugging face-to-face because he’s worried you’re not into him.”

5 Surprising Benefits of “Friends with Benefits”

If you’re not laughing and having fun together, then you’re not doing it right.

Summer time is just about here, and I have kicked up my dating activity a few notches or so. For the past year, I have been on a couple of dating sites, with mixed results. A lot of endless conversations that go nowhere, a LOT of first dates that don’t turn into second ones, a lot of guys who ‘just want something casual” (i.e., to sleep with me once, and then ignore me forever – no thank you), 2 short-lived relationships, and a couple of dates that turned into friendships. So, while ultimately, I am looking for the real thing – love – I am quickly finding out that this dating thing is a numbers game. It might take a long time for me to find “the one” who is out there for me. I used to be very impatient about that. Now, I am still a bit impatient, but I am trying to change my perspective and take this opportunity to meet a whole bunch of interesting (and sometimes not) new people. There has also been a lot of kissing, which I have no complaints about. So in the meantime of love coming along, I am taking a positive outlook, and just having fun.

One of these ways to “have fun” in this dating world, is to start a ‘friends with benefits” situation. Now, I’m pretty sure that everyone below age 90 knows what friends with benefits, or “FWB” is, but just in case you have been living under a rock for the past few decades, and there’s no Wi-Fi under that rock so you don’t have any internet access – “Friends With Benefits’ is the term for when two people who are friends, decide to start sleeping together. Now, hopefully you have figured out by now, that the “benefits”, is the wonderful sex that takes place between the two agreed upon parties. Now, I will not pretend that finding the perfect person to have a “FWB” situation with is easy. It’s not. It’s complicated. It is very easy to screw this up. A lot of factors have to be there, in order for this to work. First, you have to both be friends with one another, and also be attracted to each other. Also, you both have to be single at the same time. Most importantly, neither party can have stronger feelings for the other, because once sex gets involved, there is always the danger of falling in love with this person. So you have to be pretty confident that this person is someone you love as a friend, and respect, but that you won’t find yourself confusing intimacy with actual love. So, if all of these parameters are in place, and both parties agree that this is something they would like to do, it can be pretty damn enjoyable. And very satisfying.

My First Friends With Benefits Tryst

Recently, I was texting with a guy I had met a couple of months back on one of the dating sites. We had gone out on 2 or 3 dates together, and although there was definitely chemistry and attraction there, for reasons too boring to get into here, we ultimately decided that a long-term relationship probably wasn’t in the cards for us. So we decided to stay good friends, because we do like each other. And then one night, we started texting back and forth about our turn-ons, and just sort of being lightly flirty with each other. And then he said: “You know, it would probably be really good if we ever slept together.” And then I found myself saying: “I could go for that.” To which HE said excitedly: “Really???” To which I said: “Hell, yeah. Friends with benefits. I’m single right now. You’re single right now. Why not?’ And our FWB was born. A few days ago, we had our first ‘tryst’, when he picked me up and invited me to spend the afternoon at his home. We had a really great time, and plan on doing it again fairly soon. So, if you can find the right person for this, and it is tricky to do that, it can truly be a blissful thing. Here are 5 reasons why:


Sure, one night stands can be hot, in theory. In reality though, having sex with a total stranger that you just met and don’t really know at all, is actually potential for something quite dangerous. You could be dealing with a stalker or a creep, or someone who might force you to do things you aren’t into doing, or just someone who doesn’t share the same turn-ons as you do. This is one of the great benefits of FWB. When you are friends with the person you are about to sleep with, you actually care, really care, about what turns them on, and what doesn’t. My friend and I spent the couple of weeks before our tryst, texting and calling each other to find out more about what the other likes. He flat out asked me: “Okay. So tell me everything that turns you off, so that I don’t do anything you don’t want to do.” We told each other: “This is what I like. This is what I don’t like.” (We found out that we both hate feet, which was humorous.) We started to build up the foreplay for weeks, sharing sexy images with each other through texts. It was lovely, and very arousing. So when it came time to get to the fun part, it was wonderful. Having sex with a friend is a great feeling, because the entire tone is always filled with respect, and you know and trust each other, and when you know this person would never bring harm to you, then you are willing to open up even more, and be more adventurous in bed. Which, for me, is something I could never do with a total stranger.


This might be my favorite part of the FWB thing. Yes, being in a committed relationship is a wonderful, beautiful, and lovely thing. But there is something to be said for just having some intimacy, simply because it feels good and feels nice. And not having to feel guilty about that. It is pretty cool when you are comfortable enough with each other to get vulnerable and get naked, but you don’t have to think about ‘where your relationship is going” with this person, or how you can’t stand their mother and that will never change, or whatever else. FWB takes all the stressful parts that sometimes happen as a result of sleeping together, out of the equation. It’s a truly beautiful thing.


Friends have most likely, at some point, had long talks about each other’s pasts and insecurities and whatever else. In this case, my friend knows that it had been 7 months since I had slept with someone. He also knew that I am not in good shape and overweight, and that I feel extremely self-conscious about him (or anyone) seeing me naked. He also knows that I have been through a sexual trauma, and so there are certain things in the intimacy department, that are ‘triggers” for me, and bring me right back to that night. So he knew to stay away from those things, because it would not be a fun experience for me. Because we are friends, we had discussed all of this leading up to our afternoon delight, and it made a huge difference. I also knew things about him, which I won’t say here in order to protect his privacy. By knowing these important things about one another, it made the sex so much more carefree and open. We were both able to fully relax into it, and into the knowledge that we had each other’s backs.

4- You Can Discuss PRE-GAME

When getting ready to have sex with someone you don’t know well, (one night stand situation or just casual sex with a date) you are probably much too nervous and anxious to include laughter as part of the equation. And when you are being intimate with someone you are in love with and in a relationship with, sometimes that can turn into a lot of intensity that makes the sex feel very heavy and serious. And that is great. But there is something to be said for sex that is just really FUN. The kind of sex where you are turned on and being silly, at the same time. Where you can laugh easily, and just generally be at ease throughout the event. Our tryst this past weekend, and everything leading up to it, was very much this way. A few days before our intimacy, I started to get really nervous. So I decided to just tell him that. I sent a text saying: “I’m really nervous.” He asked me why, and I said “because its been awhile, and also I don’t feel comfortable naked. I don’t feel sexy or attractive right now.” He assured me that he would do whatever it took to make me feel wanted and sexy, and that he would do whatever I needed to help me relax. So that morning, I sent him a text, which was basically a list of what I required in order to feel relaxed and less self-conscious. First, I didn’t want to be naked and show all my fat and stomach rolls, so he suggested that I go in his bathroom once we get to his house, and change into whatever makes me comfortable. I decided on a long thin button down black sweater, and undies. Next, I told him to please put the air-conditioner on in his bedroom, because I didn’t want to be sweating profusely while being intimate. That is NOT sexy. Then, I asked him to please pull down the shades and make the room as dark as he could. Lastly, I wanted a shot or two of whiskey before we began. Our text exchanges when coming up with all of this, was beyond hilarious. He adhered to all of my demands, while also making funny as hell comments in the process. “I have a liquor cabinet, and I’ll make you whatever drink you like, but I have to say no woman has ever required downing shots before bedding me.” When we walked into his bedroom, he shivered and said: “Jesus, it’s freezing in here!” Then he made comments asking me if it was dark enough for me, and that if he made it any darker, we wouldn’t be able to see what the hell we are doing. I couldn’t stop laughing, and this set the tone for the afternoon, which was equal parts very hot, and also extremely fun. And because he was kind enough and patient enough to put up with my weird requests, which I thanked him for multiple times, I WAS very relaxed, and I had such a great time. I joked with him about how hilarious it is, the things a man will do, in the pursuit of getting laid. “You ain’t kidding’, he laughed back. Personally, I think sex should be a ton of fun. If you’re not laughing and having fun together, then you’re not doing it right.


So after being in bed all afternoon, and having multiple orgasms, courtesy of my awesome friend, he turned to me and said: “I’m starving. I’m taking you out for dinner.” Who is a fat girl to argue with a nice dinner? So, he chose a really nice steakhouse, and off we went. He ordered prime rib, and I had one of the best Rib-eye steaks I have ever eaten in my life. Salads, dessert, wine, champagne, and wonderful, post-bliss conversation. I got to enjoy myself for an entire day, with someone I respect and truly like, and I didn’t have to feel like I had sacrificed any integrity or self-respect to do it. In fact, it felt good. It felt well-deserved. It felt great. We were proud of ourselves, and we were happy. The best part of great sex with a great friend, is this: We held our glasses in the air, and we made a toast. “Cheers. To us. To feeling awesome. And to a successful afternoon. We had a good day.”

I can’t wait to do it again.

Next time, I might even let him keep the lights on.

And I’m definitely ordering lobster.