Tag: Better Sex

What is Your Couple Style… Emotional or?

by zfortadminin Sex

When sex is going well in a couple’s relationship, it provides a positive influence that enhances each partner’s feelings of connection and vitality.

Conversely, when sex is avoided, dysfunctional or causes conflict, the couple may experience lack of desire and relationship instability. Understanding your Couple Sexual Style can help you to enjoy the benefits of shared pleasure, greater intimacy and the ability to withstand the pressures that threaten the marital bond.

Barry McCarthy, PhD., along with his wife, Emily, have written extensively on the subject of marital sex and have identified the four most common Couple Sexual Styles: Traditional, Best Friend, Emotionally Expressive and Complementary. No one style is right for all couples, and each has its benefits and challenges. Discovering your Couple Sexual Style can help you build desire and avoid the struggle over how you should be having sex. Let’s look at the four styles to determine which best describes you:

Traditional:

These couples follow a traditional pattern of male/female gender roles when it comes to the bedroom. The husband is the sexual initiator and focuses on intercourse frequency, while his wife is more concerned with feelings of affection and intimacy. These folks often value marital sex from a religious viewpoint and emphasize the importance of family and children. They know their sexual roles and rarely experience conflict regarding them.

Traditional couples may struggle when the wife’s need for intimacy and closeness feels ignored by the husband’s focus on intercourse. Additionally, as they grow older, the husband’s inability to produce spontaneous erections as he always had, may cause him to avoid sex altogether. This further reduces the intimate aspect of their connection, thereby leaving the wife to be further dissatisfied. In order to combat this problem, twice-yearly partners are responsible to plan a specific sexual encounter, designed to ignite their Traditional Style. The wife plans an erotic or sexually playful date where she can choose whether it will continue to orgasm or intercourse. For the husband’s date, he will engage in intimacy that does not proceed to intercourse or orgasm.

Best Friend:

Those couples with the Best Friend style are soul mates who feel quite loving towards one another, sharing good communication and intimacy. They report a sense of acceptance by their spouse and are often very affectionate. A crucial aspect of their relationship is mutuality, where they seek to have experiences together. Their secure emotional attachment is the strength of this couple and they feel well bonded.

Due to the closeness of this couple, they are prone to miss out on eroticism and the excitement that sex can add to their relationship. As best friends, they neglect the sexual aspect of couplehood, choosing to be emotionally close instead. When Best Friends do have sex, they seek to ensure both are in the mood and equally satisfied, which leads to lesser sexual encounters overall. They don’t take risks sexually, resulting in monotony and predictability. In order to overcome these issues, every six months each partner is responsible for suggesting a sexual date that is erotic for just one person. This encourages them to be sexy or playful without waiting for agreement from both parties, thus expanding their sexual repertoire and frequency.

Emotionally Expressive:

These couples have the wild, frequent, highly charged sex life that other couples envy. They reject the constraints of traditional rules around sex and are open to exploring new erotic activities to spice things up. Role-playing and pornography may be valued as a means to creative sexual expression. Sex soothes the pain of affairs or turbulent outbursts for these individuals.

The downside to this extremely emotive couple style is that eventually these folks can grow weary of all the drama. While they can use sex to kiss and make up, there may come a time when too many infidelities can finally take a toll on their relationship. When they have a negative sexual experience, Emotionally Expressive couples are apt to make hurtful comments that cause permanent damage out of frustration or anger. For this sexual style, it is critical to learn not to express oneself with a painful comment while lying in bed after an unsatisfying sexual encounter.

Complementary:

Favored by sex therapists, this couple sexual style is ideal because each partner knows their sexual voice and feels empowered to both make requests and decide not to engage, all the while seeing themselves as part of a sexual team. They value both eroticism and intimacy in their sexual encounters and feel being sexual to be a shared pleasure. These couples enjoy variable sexual options and are comfortable with an outcome that may only satisfy one partner, so long as it is not at the expense of the other.

The problem for Complementary couples is that they can neglect their sex life and fall into routines that become uninteresting, and sexuality falls to the wayside. Sex may work fine, but there is lack of desire due to monotony. The solution to their sexual rut is to encourage these couples to take turns initiating something new and fun to enliven their sex life.

After identifying the Couple Sexual Style that best describes the way you and your partner interact sexually, accentuate the strengths that enhance your relationship and be aware of the pitfalls that can diminish your sexual bond. To learn more, the McCarthy’s book, Discovering Your Couple Sexual Style, can increase your knowledge and provide useful tools to ensure that sex adds that positive boost to your partnership. You might also want to consult a sex therapist, specializing in sexuality issues, to rev up your sex life or resolve problems that hinder your connection. Remember that sex cannot be treated with benign neglect, but rather needs attention and intention to promote couple satisfaction in your relationship.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

How to Enhance, Enjoy and Better an Orgasm

by zfortadminin Sex

Just can’t seem to quite get there? Or would you like your big moment to be even bigger?

We’ve got the dish from sex experts on how you can have your best orgasm yet.

Hit the hot spots

A friction position may help you have an orgasm during intercourse. Get on top, for example, so the top of your clitoris is rubbing directly on your partner’s pubic bone. Or lay on your back with a pillow underneath your butt.

You may even want to try using a vibrator during intercourse, says Laura Berman, PhD, assistant clinical professor of psychiatry and OB-GYN at the Feinberg School of Medicine at Northwestern University.

Talk the talk

“Men really want direction,” Berman says. Let your partner know when he’s on the right track, either by telling him what feels great or by moaning.

Learn on your own

You can’t talk the talk if you don’t know what turns you on. “To train your body to be orgasmic, you have to masturbate,” says Danielle Cavallucci, a sex coach with sex information company Sexuality Source.

Exercise your orgasm muscles

“Kegels are the classic exercise for women who want to transform feeble orgasms into fabulous ones,” sex educator Dorian Solot says. Locate these muscles in your pelvic floor by stopping yourself from peeing midstream. Then tone them by clenching when you’re not peeing. Do Kegels every day, ideally a few times a day. And keep breathing while you squeeze.

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Advice: How to Relax into Sex

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

One of the best ways to help your girlfriend to feel more relaxed about sex may be to stop having it for a while.

Q. My girlfriend is self-conscious during sex. She seems unable to fully let go and really enjoy herself.

She’s in her early 30s and has had a few partners, so it’s not lack of experience.

How can I help her to feel more comfortable so that we can enjoy a good love life?

A. Although your girlfriend has had a few previous partners, they either didn’t notice, or weren’t willing to challenge this issue, so she is lucky to have found a partner who cares enough to try to help her let go.

There are a million and one reasons why your girlfriend might be finding it difficult to relax during sex.

Some women are worried about not being able to orgasm, others just can’t switch off their inner critic.

However, if she is very sensitive, there is a risk that she will interpret what you are saying as a criticism, so a conversation about it needs to be broached with great sensitivity.

You need to let her know gently that you can feel her discomfort and reassure her that your sole motivation is to help, not to humiliate.

Whatever the cause, one of the best ways to help your girlfriend to feel more relaxed about sex may be to stop having it for a while.

That might sound counterintuitive, but sex therapists commonly use a system called “sensate focus” to help couples with sexual difficulties to go back to basics and build trust and intimacy — essential for truly great sex.

Sensate focus is not useful for couples who are having relationship problems, or who are dealing with sexual dysfunction, but it can be a very enriching exercise for couples who want to become more sexually connected.

The idea is to create an environment where you and your girlfriend can learn how to receive and give pleasure to each other.

Sensate focus is intended to be an experience in itself, so it is not a prelude to “sex” or a form of foreplay.

The central tenet is non-sexual touching and, in the initial phase, all other contact is restricted.

Instead, you focus on creating and experiencing sensation by taking turns exploring each other bodies.

Because this is non-sexual, it is non-threatening and your girlfriend should be able to respond by telling you what tickles, what scratches and what feels really, really good.

It is important to separate this experience from sex because the more relaxed she feels with touching and being touched in this phase, the more likely she is to remain relaxed when you escalate to genital touching in phase two.

Although the entire exercise is focused on helping her to relax, phase two offers you the opportunity to explore sexual responses.

When you progress to genital touching, you will be able to see how, with stimulation, her body changes as she becomes aroused.

The skin on her chest and torso will become flushed — stimulating her nipples will magnify these sensations.

Keep it slow and gentle at first, and ask her to tell you what she likes and what she doesn’t like.

Every woman has a different sensory threshold.

When it is her turn, make sure to give her positive feedback to build her confidence.

When your girlfriend is comfortable with phase two, you can move on to penetrative sex, but let her dictate the pace and always include non-genital and genital touching beforehand.

This slows everything down and ensures that she is fully aroused before intercourse.

Even at this stage, the only ‘goal’ is intimacy and connection, but orgasm is permitted.

Although sensate focus can sound like a rather prescriptive remedy, it will give your girlfriend the opportunity to unravel negative sexual associations so that she can begin to associate sex with fun, not fear.

That’s the greatest gift you could possibly give her.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Size Never Matters, Trust Me.

by Amy Albertin Sex

Mark had established a bit of a reputation for himself within the small window of time that he was employed at this restaurant as quite the Lothario because of the fact that he was blessed with what was rumored to be a huge penis.

When I was in my early 20’s I spent a summer waitressing at this sweet, kitschy restaurant in the Bay Area when out of nowhere the guy I had been dating, who I was utterly obsessed with, dumped me. I was crushed! Like, “broken, crying in a Target dressing room, writing shitty sad songs on my guitar that I could barely play, watching back-to-back Ally McBeal episodes to cope” crushed. A bartender, who we’ll call Mark, had been working there for a couple of months, and even though I wasn’t attracted to him, I liked the attention he gave me was, for all intents and purposes, totally harmless. Mark had established quite the reputation for himself within the small window of time that he was employed at this restaurant as quite the Lothario because of the fact that he was blessed with what was rumored to be a huge penis. One of the women who was supposedly impressed with it described it as “a baby’s arm holding an apple” and another called it the “anaconda”. My best gay friend who worked with me would constantly ask questions about said “huge” penis after it was revealed that one of our co-workers would have a run-in with it. He loved hearing all the dirty details about this guys wang. I would laugh and gasp and feign being all into it as they would describe every curve and angle of this man’s anatomy, but really it sort of grossed me out! Why would I want something described as an infant’s appendage grasping a piece of fruit anywhere near my vag? Ew!

As the end of my shift rolled around one eve a couple of weeks after me getting dumped I was glumly cashing out my checks for the night at the kitschy bar of the kitschy restaurant. Mark made me a drink and asked what was going on. I told him how I was heartbroken and just destroyed about it. I confessed that I thought I was in love with this guy, and when I learned that he was seeing someone else the entire time we were dating I was so humiliated! Mark listened intently to my sob story, nodding at the appropriate times while refilling my glass when it got half empty.

About an hour and a half and two thirds into my third drink later, he gently tucked my hair behind my ear and said, “You know, I have a great way to get you over that guy.” He smiled and suddenly looked very cute to me. I laughed awkwardly and told him I didn’t want to mess up our friendship. He agreed, but said he was always available to me if I ever wanted to “have the best night of my life.”

“It’s the only sure fire way to move on, in my opinion. I’ll rock your world, I promise.”

I excused myself to the bathroom and stood at the sink, staring at my reflection in the mirror. I had never really done anything like that before, just slept with a guy to make myself feel better. But…maybe he was right? Surely a guy who’s confident like that must be great in bed! Maybe this guy’s legendary dick would be just the elixir to cure my blues! Maybe I was about to have the best freakin’ night of my life and my world rocked! So I marched out to the bar, grabbed my bag and told him I would follow him home.

45 minutes later I’m at Mark’s apartment and we’re making out in his kitchen. We had a little trouble getting on the same page in terms of the kissing, but I figured I was a little tipsy, and he could be too, so maybe that was it. Then he takes my hand and leads me into his bedroom, which had posters of girls with huge hair in ripped half tops with the bottom of their nipples hanging out, like he was 15. “Well”, I thought, “he clearly likes girls, so that’s good!” We start getting undressed and I noticed that he ripped his clothes off with such enthusiasm that he reminded me of a little kid tearing into a Christmas gift. He turns around to face me and I see it. The “Baby’s arm holding an apple”. The “Anaconda”. This “huge” penis. And it’s pointed right at me. Watching me. I felt like if I tried to move around the room it would follow me, like the Mona Lisa.

We get into bed and he immediately mounts me without any warning or foreplay. Just in a, “Hello, welcome to my body weight pressing the breath out of you because women think being crushed is super hot!” type of way. His face was right on my face smashed together, which felt way too intimate for the moment, and now that I think of it is probably way too intimate for any moment ever. He asks me if I’m “good and ready”, to which I reply with a “yup” that I wheezed out because I couldn’t breathe due to his man body carelessly draped across mine, and a thumbs up, always an appropriate way to start sex when you’re getting ready to have the” best night of your life!”

Then it “started” And by that I mean a solid 20 minutes of him grunting and sweating on me while his giant penis went from an “Anaconda” to one of those balloon dudes who alert people to a sale or a new car wash after they had been deflated and were just weirdly flopping around with the wind. He kept slapping it on my thigh, squeezing his eyes shut and whispering, “Come on, man!” to whom I can only assume was his penis.

At one point he abruptly stood up and went over to the corner of his bedroom, like a scene out of The Blair Witch Project, where he got really quiet. I figured he trying to reason with it, talk it out like bros. When he returned to his bed, which didn’t have a fitted sheet by the way, there was a glimmer of hope in his eye, so I assumed they had worked out their differences and were ready to proceed as scheduled. Unfortunately it appeared that the penis and the man were on two different pages completely that evening.

Eventually I told him I had to go. “Early morning.” I said, like I was a regretful fella dressed in a cheap suit in an 80’s movie who just cheated on his wife with his best friends fiancé, “Gotta get my beauty sleep.” I got up and started to get dressed as fast as I could. I didn’t feel the need to hang out and make it even more uncomfortable than it was. He just lay in his bed on his side with his head propped up in his hand, nodding and telling me he “had to get up early too, so it was probably a good move to hit the sack.” I pulled on my shoes and waved goodbye and I exited his place so quickly I practically left a cartoon puff of smoke in my wake. I walked to my car noting to myself that in the future I should ask what one’s definition of rocking a world is, because I probably would’ve taken a rain check in this case.

The next day as I rolled silverware Mark noticed me and sat down at the booth. He casually mentioned that he had a “good time” the night before, but this time when he smiled he had reverted back to the version of himself that I didn’t find attractive at all. He asked me if I’d like to come by for “a little round two action”, which I politely declined. He told me that if I ever needed him again, I knew his number. “Oh, I got your number alright, stud.” I said under my breath as he walked away.

He walked back to the bar where he immediately started putting the moves on a woman sitting there alone,  and I realized that for the first time in a while I wasn’t bummed about the guy who dumped me. And while he certainly didn’t rock my world, or give me the best night of my life, I realized in that moment that I appreciated him and his baby’s arm for taking my mind off things and giving me a pretty decent bad sex story to write about many years later.

Are You Being Denied Foreplay?

by zfortadminin Sex

Sex is amazing, right? Well, yes. But sex isn’t one thing. Sex is lots of things.

Sex can mean a passionate kiss, with your bodies pressed up against each other in a hallway; it can me him in your mouth, or you in his; it can be hours of penetration or the lightest touch in the right place. Or any combination. And lots of others. But for this reader, sex is only one thing, and it’s getting a little tiring.

*I have been dating this guy for a few months now and it’s been wonderful…except for when it’s time to get intimate. He wants to go straight into sex and no foreplay whatsoever. Each time I’ve tried to initiate it, he would say “Babe, you are my girl, you don’t have to do that.” Overall that’s sweet I guess but than the problem is, I don’t get oral (he mentioned a time that he did it on a girl and the girls odor/taste that he could not handle). How or what can I do to make him feel comfortable with me to eventually perform oral sex before the actual sex? *—Foreplay Deprived

One reason sex can’t be one thing is because it’s not the same thing for everyone. That means we have to compromise. When we’re lucky enough to meet someone with the exact same sexual interests as ours, those compromises tend to be minimal: sometimes she gets to be on top when you want to be; sometimes he gets to come first; etc.

In this situation, BF isn’t really meeting anyone halfway, he’s just getting exactly what he wants. Not fair. Many of the women I know, most of them in fact, have difficulty coming without some form of clitoral stimulation, before or during. By your guy denying you foreplay, he’s basically saying “only I get to come,” which is obviously not ideal.

Sounds like he had a bad experience once with giving head and has decided it’s not for him. That’s like having a bad first day of school and deciding that education is for other people. I think you should ask him to consider trying again.

If he’s really dead-set against it, you can remind him that there are other ways to have fun before penetration: fingers, licking other parts of you, playing with toys, etc.

The most important thing is to let him know that what’s going on isn’t fair. He’ll probably change his tune. If he doesn’t, then you have an issue that actually has nothing to do with sex.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

This Cartoon Can Lead to Mind-Blowing Sex. Tonight.

by zfortadminin Sex

Here’s how to help your lover (or yourself) discover those spots. Trust us, you’re going to want to share this.

It should come as no surprise that it was a man, an Italian one no less, who claimed to discover the clitoris in the 1550s. Hundreds of years later, we’re still learning that the Little Man in the Boat is really just the tip of a white-hot iceberg.

Whether you’re on solo expedition or with a partner, why not make it a no-pants party? By simply exploring the capabilities of the whole clit, you could find that the best sex of your life is right at your fingertips, if you’ll pardon the pun. So, let’s roll up our sleeves (literally) and get to know our nubs, for to know them is to love them.

Know your history

Start with this quirky and charming cartoon by French animator Lori Malépart-Traversy as an icebreaker. Her award-winning three-minute short guides us through various men’s claims that they were the Chris Columbus of the clit. After viewing you might be a little closer to discovering the multifaceted areas of stimulation found on the clit or at least a little intimated.

Le clitoris – Animated Documentary Trailer (2016) from Lori Malépart-Traversy on Vimeo.

Now, let’s see what’s happening below the belt.

Know your body

Surely we’ve all met Captain Rosebud, the pink helmeted sentry above our vaginas. Often referred to as the female penis, blood rushes to the Commander in Queef when we’re turned on, yielding little lady boners.

While we are grateful for his years of service, turns out the Cap has minions fanned out in a wishbone-shaped formation (the legs) on either side of the vagina itching for active duty. The clit extends two to three inches down either side of your vagina and is populated with your own personal foot soldiers.

These overlooked “G men,” if not put to use, can atrophy just like a muscle.

Anxious lovers might rush to poke and press on your main chicklet like a stalled elevator button and often when we masturbate, we stick to the mountaintop and ignore the valleys.

A woman’s orgasm, however, is not just one and done. Stimulating the top dog (glans clitoris) with its 8,000 points of pleasure will, naturally, cause you to come faster, but a slow grind incorporating the entire clitoris (corpus cavernosum) can produce mind-blowing multiples, but also the elusive, deeper vaginal orgasm.

It can also be the gatekeeper of the G-spot, which we believe is a bundle of nerves located inside your vagina along the vaginal ceiling more towards your stomach than back. Whether or not it is an extension of the clitoris is a long-debated topic.

When you’re super juiced or even a few minutes after a session with the pocket rocket, explore your inner labia and apply pressure with your fingers or the entire palm of your hand. You may feel something akin to a pulse. That’s your clitoris at work! Now, take it one step further: Insert two fingers inside your sugar walls. Feel that little pebbly patch? That’s your G spot!

Psst! Want to learn more about your G-spot? Love TV’s got you. Become a member and learn more about how to hit the spot, so to speak.

Find your orgasm

All right, we made contact with the G-spot. Now, take it out for a spin. At this point, bringing yourself to climax shouldn’t require that much spelunking. Stick around for the fireworks and let yourself feel your own orgasm. You might find that your vaginal walls are actually pulsating and tingling. Mazel Tov!

Now, let’s mix it up, take it behind closed doors and explore sex positions with your partner targeting that area.

We’ve found that Doggie Style, the Valedictorian and the Pinball Wizard, positions where your partner’s pelvis knocks against your clit in more of a circular or up and down grinding motion, can produce neighbor waking/angel singing results. Toss in some cunnilingus and consider your world (and your partner’s) officially rocked.

Make tonight’s sex the best sex ever with 7 more intoxicating sex positions.