Feeling torn between two people can be confusing and emotionally exhausting—but it can also be fun.

Continuing to explore both love interests might be a valid option if all of the people involved are on the same page, says Durvasula. “Polyamorous and open relationships are gaining a lot of traction, but you need to be transparent about it.” Interested in exploring something like this? Theserules for open relationships can guide you through the conversations and boundaries involved.

Granted, not everyone is up for an untraditional relationship setup, says Durvasula. If you want to commit to one person—or one of the people you love wants you to—that’s perectly fine, too. But how do you do it?

“As awful as it sounds, make a pros and cons list,” suggests Durvasula. And be brutally honest with yourself when writing it. Something helpful to keep in mind when you’re reviewing your list: “We get caught up in the passion and rush of feeling in love, but companionate love wins in the end.” Think of it this way: Who is going to be 100 percent fine with throwing out your snotty tissues for you when you’re sick? Who would you still enjoy when you’re 90 years old and the flame of lust and passion has died down?

If you need to, take a break from both relationships. “Take a trip,” says Durvasula. “Do whatever you need to do to step back and remove yourself from the situation.” Getting a little space can help provide you with some perspective.

Unfortunately, you can’t. There’s no mathematical formula for choosing who to make a commitment to. And the reality is that both individuals might be great, and both individuals might make solid partners, says Durvasula. But even if you’re split right down the middle, you’ll often have that gut feeling that’ll give one person even just a slight advantage. Follow that intuition, says Durvasula. Is a little buyer’s remorse or “what-if” wondering normal? Totally. But when you do come to a decision, try to stick to it. When you choose a partner to pursue, cut your focus from the other and really give this new relationship its best shot at success. Celebrate the aspects of this individual that led you to choose them over someone else.

“The best thing you can do in this situation is to take the time to cultivate and love yourself,” says Durvasula. It’ll help you to be more aware of the characteristics in a partner that matter most to you and ultimately will make your decision a little easier.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article