Your Needs Aren’t Being Met

It’s a common scenario: The hot, steamy sex that you used to have all the time has turned stale. “People get really stuck in patterns, and the problem is after a while, you lose a sense of fun, spontaneity, and creativity because you’re too comfortable,” Van Kirk says.

Sometimes, an open conversation with your partner is all you need to get back on track. In a gentle, non-accusatory way (before your clothes are off), explain to your partner what you’d like to try to make your sex life together even better. Then, ask for their ideas, too.

If you’d like to add something more complicated than a vibrator to your sex life, a therapist can help you figure out how. Can’t stop thinking about trying BDSM or having a threesome? While open communication with your partner is a great first step, “Sex therapy can provide you with a safe place to talk about your boundaries,” Marin says. “It can prepare you for your explorations and might ask you about topics you hadn’t previously thought about. For example, what would you do if you start having a threesome and one of you gets jealous?”

You and Your Partner Have Different Sex Drives

Your partner wants to get it on, but you’d rather go to sleep. When you want to have some fun shower sex, your partner is MIA. Having mismatched sex drives is actually a very common issue for couples.

“You’re never going to want sex at exactly the same time, every time, so all couples have to learn how to navigate their differences,” Marin says. But if you’re having serious trouble syncing your sex drives, it doesn’t hurt to get an expert’s advice. “Sex therapy can help you learn how to initiate sex in ways that will make your partner want to say yes and teach you how to turn down sex in ways that won’t drive the two of you apart,” Marin adds.