How Soon Should You Divulge Problems From Your Past?

Put Things In Context

Putting things in context is always a very important step in any decision. Take a long, hard look at both the past problem which is troubling you, and the state of your relationship. If your relationship is very new, suddenly pouring out a heap of baggage from the past may not be appropriate yet. I know that I would not have let my relationship with my husband develop very far if he’d opened with ‘I’m a recovering alcoholic!’ We needed to build up greater trust and intimacy, by which time I was ready to hear and accept what he had to say. However, if you wait too long, and the problem is of a nature which is likely to impact the relationship in some way, then failure to disclose starts to verge worryingly on deception. It’s also important to look critically at what it is that is troubling you. If this is a big problem which still has a considerable influence on your life (a history of substance abuse, for example, or health issues), it is probably more important for you to divulge than something relatively minor, which is unlikely to have much of an effect on either you or your partner. Sometimes, things which seem like huge issues to us are actually pretty minor when looked at in context. So have a bit of a think about the bigger picture before you come to any decisions on this matter. I wish you all the best, and hope that you find the beginning of your own ‘happy ending’ soon.

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How Soon Should You Divulge Problems From Your Past?

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