When you’re fighting about finances, parenting styles, or a betrayal of trust, sex can become a bargaining chip, Rutter says.
From No Sex to Becoming Intimate Again
Once you’ve identified what the problem is, you can begin the work of becoming intimate again.
See a doctor if you need to.
If you’re having pain or another physical problem that’s keeping you from having sex, see your doctor. Physical problems are generally the easiest to solve, but some couples wait much too long to seek help, Hartlage says.
Open up communication.
If you’ve had a negative experience that you’re trying to avoid going through again, it’s time to talk about it. Have the conversation outside of the bedroom, Rutter says. A good time to broach the topic may be while you’re sitting together watching television. An intimate, nonsexual, moment — such as holding hands or rubbing each other’s feet while sitting on the couch — could be the perfect time to say: “The last time we did X, I didn’t enjoy it. I’d prefer Y.”