Whether single or in a relationship, absence sure does make the heart grow fonder, but so does Tantra when explored with patience and persistence.
Here’s a short list of three small tantric changes I made that took intimacy to a whole new level—the impact is immediate.
1. Open your eyes and watch.
Often times we lay back and shut our eyes and lean into the experience through one sensory experience, the feeling sensation. I learned that this small technique makes a world of difference in the turn-on department. Try to use more senses during the process starting with visual observation.
Watching yourself while you pleasure or your partner getting into you, your body and the eroticism that builds between the sheets while you gaze at the action is nothing short of electrifying.
I’ve had conversations with my friends before about looking into their lover’s eyes while they kissed. I was always curious about the eyes being the window to the soul as partners stroked their way through sex, but most reported closing their eyes to enjoy the feeling. Even in some conversations with my male friends, I’ve learned they shut their eyes to imagine something else!
That’s a sure sign of an unhealthy sex life.
While I understand this philosophy of eye-closed feeling experience it can be enlightening to open the eyes and take in your lover while in the act. The subtle cues, finger tips on skin and lips parting can take sexuality to new heights when becoming an observer.
When you both feel brave enough, have your partner look back at you.
2. Ask
What we feel may be perfect for our partner in terms of giving, like touching or stroking a certain way, a familiar position and the amount of foreplay could be way off the mark without specific direction. Sometimes a lover may not be in the right mood for a candle light massage. They might need more communication first before getting to the physical plane.
Drop the need to direct the course of the lovemaking and ask what they need.
It sounds simple, but often times we feel we know what’s best for our partner without giving them a choice. Openness and solid listening skills can revivify and nourish without any overt action because it’s a simple way of showing care, love, respect and trust within the sexual relationship.
Once your partner shares their needs, get intentional about providing it. Use all your senses and imagination to deliver.
3. Spend time on the periphery
Even though it is tempting to get right into the action and stimulate the main attraction, don’t dive straight into the sweet spot.
Work around the edges of erogenous zones with plenty of time and care. Take the time to build momentum slowly like a gentle wave cresting. Notice you or your partner’s state and respond by focusing on heightened the feeling of pleasure without thinking of a goal you need to achieve immediately, like orgasm. Spending time on the periphery means working from outside the erogenous zone inward to the most sensitive pleasure spots.
Be present in what you are doing and focus on each little detail.
Carrellas and Muir both talk about being present and focused. Pay attention to how often your mind drifts during sex. Where do your thoughts run? Be mindful and bring your attention back to yourself and your partner. Learn how to build the state of expansive pleasure by becoming an expert with each stroke, kiss and word you express.
Often times we rely on past experiences, even from our first teenage explorations, and let these experiences drive our sexual experiences by what has worked. Tantra is a way to evolve sexual practice into deeper intimacy and ultimately more confidence as a partner and lover. It is a philosophy that encompasses a new way of looking at the world through eroticism and connecting a vibrant healthy sex life to more vitality, joy and pleasure in life.
Curated by Erbe
Original Article
Featured Image: elephantjournal.com