Blog - Page 53 of 87 - Love TV

Blog

Couples Christmas—Make it Sexy

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

The festive season is here and you are concerned about what to do with your spouse and what to buy to make Christmas different yet romantic.

Children often shy away from giving sexy gifts to their parents – as if Mom and Pop’s sex life is dead – but they, like the spouses, should really think outside the box and give gifts that are naughty and nice to spark the couple’s sex life. Sex is to be celebrated, especially in a monogamous relationship in which couples have grown together in the union. This provides the basis for selecting very personal gifts which would also fuel sexy activities over the holiday period. It is even more poignant if couples are experiencing the empty nest with children having grown and moved out.

Sexy Christmas for Two

If you are going to spend the holiday season with your loved one, this is an excellent chance to plan a romantic holiday, probably putting some sparkle back into your love life. The cool temperatures already set the stage for twinkling lights and soft carols as part of intimate, steamy evenings of passion.

Hotel ‘nights out’

If you are tired of the home and the efforts it will take to create the magic of the season, you could spend one or two nights in a hotel with full service. With adequate notice, any hotel should be happy to set the stage for you. This is an opportunity for children to pool funds and send parents off to a nice resort with some sexy items in tow. They should take:

  • Sexy lingerie and silk boxer shorts.
  • Scented candles for mood creation.
  • Music of choice to keep it light and easy (include a CD player).
  • Aromatic oils so you can give each other long, sensual massages.
  • Grapes or strawberries which you can feed each other as you soak in a bubble bath.
  • Champagne for sipping as you enjoy the ambience
  • Your gifts which you can open together and share.

Home together

If you are accustomed to trimming your tree, get a small one for both of you to enjoy. Decorate the tree together in a skimpy Christmas outfit and revert to the old practice of kissing under the mistletoe by hanging them around the house. Place all you gifts under the tree for opening on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

Home-made dinner for two

A graduate from my cooking course for ‘men only’, boasted that he used his culinary skills to prepare a sensual meal to mesmerise his wife last Christmas, their 10th wedding anniversary. He made plans for lobster dinner, used the rarely-used fine china and best silverware from the breakfront and made sure that his wife and son were busy helping his mother with last-minute baking. They agreed that their son would stay with Grandma that night as the couple would be going out to dinner. When she arrived home to get dressed, she was blown away by the surprise.

Drive out for the Christmas lights

Driving out could be reminiscent of your days of courting. Drive out and look at the Christmas lights and décor in residential and shopping areas, although scaled down this year. You may want to take a blanket and snuggle close in a safe place as you enjoy the lights.

Exchange Gifts

Whether you are at a hotel or at home, exchanging gifts is one of the best parts of Christmas. What gifts can you give for that sex appeal? Naughty gifts are ideal since both of you will be together and no one will see what you got each other.

  • Breakfast in bed is always appreciated and starts foreplay of what is to come later. You can place one exciting gift at breakfast.
  • Sexy robes are easy to slip on and off and they are nice to wrap in as you stroll about the house.
  • You can buy sexy Christmas-themed outfits to wear for the rest of the day while you goof around.
  • Sex games for lovers.
  • Toys are toys, so adult sex toys should not be excluded. These can indulge your fantasies and add variety to your intimacy.
  • Sexy books with a range of topics to suit him or her.

You can search sites online which would provide hundreds of topics you know your partner would like. Also, consider a book for lovers, focusing on how to spice up your love life. It does not have to be explicit or full of photos that make you uncomfortable. Couples can read passionate literature to each other as they may not want to go the mainstream route like watching X-rated movies. Why not give one another passionate books and read passages to one another? You can spice it up by acting out romantic scenes from the descriptive books and you will be able to learn from each other.

Stocking stuffers for her may include:

 

  • A personal coupon for a one-hour massage.
  • Gourmet chocolates.
  • A gift certificate for her favourite restaurant.
  • Bath products like bubble bath, shower gel and lush soap.
  • Her favourite perfume or body spray.
  • Bath toys for couples.
  • A diamond bracelet, necklace, or ring or some other type of jewellery.

Stocking stuffers for him to cater to his fantasies and passions may include:

 

  • Sexy lingerie for you, with a promise that you will model it for him later.
  • A personal handmade coupon for his favourite sexual activity, to be performed on demand.
  • A gift card to his favourite store, hobby shop, car-parts store, or whatever his interests are.
  • His favourite fragrance.
  • A life-size photo of you in a sexy outfit for the bedroom (G-strings and high-heels are exciting).
  • French tickler condoms to provide added stimulation.

Wrap it sexy

To make your gift sexy, use your imagination and wrap it in a sexy way. For creativity and recycling, you can create your own wrapping paper by using pages from a sexy magazine.

Christmas does not have to be boring for you and your lover. Be creative and get stores and gift shops to help you. Make this Christmas one your spouse will never forget by spicing it up with sexy gifts and activities this holiday season.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Giving Kinky a Try with Your Boyfriend

by zfortadminin Sex, SEX TIPS

Who’s feeling kinky? Frisky, raunchy, saucy? Just me?

Well, my friends, I got my hands on a copy of The Book of Kink: Sex Beyond the Missionary by Eva Christina, and I’ve been doing a little reading. OK, a lot of reading. And I’ve scoped out the least scary, couple-friendly, kinky things to try this weekend. Give one (or more) a go!

0405_kinky-couple_sm.jpg

Behold, my top picks from the almighty kink book to try this weekend and what my trooper (ha!) of a boyfriend, J, has to say about ’em:

1. Acousticophilia:

“Sounds are sexually arousing, whether it’s grunting, music or the simple click of a nail against a desk. Of course, there are certain types of music that are sexually provocative, but some may get more in tune with it than others.”

My take – Maybe I can simply be a little more vocal during sexy time? Or, maybe we can get a little romantic and make a sexy time playlist. J is the music man, he should be able to put something together!

J’s take – Whenever you dull one sense, the others are heightened… I think I’m more into the blindfold thing myself, but I guess this could be interesting.

2. Vincilagnia (or Rope Bondage):

“Tying up someone can be a thrill, for both the tied up and the one who ties.”

My take – I have a set of pink, furry handcuffs at home with J’s name on them. In our relationship, he’s usually the dominant one, but I think this weekend that’s going to change.

J’s take – Is it Saturday yet?

3. Sploshing:

“This fetish is all about doing everything possible with food, from sitting in it, to rolling around in it, or throwing it. The people into this fetish don’t mind cream pies thrown in their faces or sitting in water or juice. Anything food goes, except eating it. Splosh!”

My take – I think I’m a little too much of a neat freak for this one. I hate the idea of getting messy. BUT, J and I have yet to whip out the whipped cream for foreplay…

J’s take – I feel like this is one of those ideas that would look good on paper but in practice it’s just messy and gross.

4. Uniform Fetish:

“It’s not surprising that people get turned on by someone in uniform, whether it’s a fireman, French maid or cheerleader….Much of it stems from the idea that an authoritative or a submissive figure is taking or giving up control.”

My take – OK, I know J will definitely, definitely approve of this one. First of all, he’s a sucker for sexy outfits. Second, he LOVED this schoolgirl outfit I busted out a couple months ago. Maybe it’s time to bring back my best “Hit Me Baby” Britney impression.

J’s take -YES! I am a sucker for the outfits… but who isnt! Again, is it Saturday yet?

5. Balloon Fetish (or Looner):

“Balloons make children happy. They also make many adults happy. Whether it’s touching, smelling, inflating, popping or just playing with them, people get sexually turned on by balloons.”

My take – Umm, yikes! J and I are going to skip this one. But you should check out The Book of Kink if you want to read more options like this!

J’s take – A definite skip… the only latex that hits our bed will be on my junk.

So, did you learn any new vocab lessons? Do you think you’d try any of these boyfriend-friendly kinky moves this weekend? Are you a fan of kink or are you a little more conservative when it comes down to it? Do you have any other kinky faves?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Relationship Experts’ Crash Course in Sustaining an Amazing Relationship

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

If binge-watching Gilmore Girls,Scandal, or The Good Wife has taught us anything, it’s that relationships are messy. Personal experience proves it too: From our eighth-grade romance to our most recent breakup drama, “love isn’t easy” is a life lesson we know all too well.

No matter your status—single, dating, engaged, or married—relationships take work. And whether they end with tears and empty Ben & Jerry’s or last until forever may depend upon countless factors, but your own actions, words, and thoughts undoubtedly play a role.

One thing that’ll give you an advantage in the game of love? Soaking up all the wisdom you can from relationship therapists, researchers, matchmakers, and more. Here, we’ve distilled it down to the very best advice 15 experts have learned. Regardless of your personal situation, their words may help you uncover the key to long-lasting happiness.

1. Do or say something daily to show your appreciation.

“Saying and doing small, simple expressions of gratitude every day yields big rewards. When people feel recognized as special and appreciated, they’re happier in that relationship and more motivated to make the relationship better and stronger. And when I say simple, I really mean it. Make small gestures that show you’re paying attention: Hug, kiss, hold hands, buy a small gift, send a card, fix a favorite dessert, put gas in the car, or tell your partner, ‘You’re sexy,’ ‘You’re the best dad,’ or simply say ‘Thank you for being so wonderful.'”

— Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., professor at Oakland University and author of 5 Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great

2. Realize every relationship has value, regardless of how long it lasts.

“There’s no such thing as a failed romance. Relationships simply evolve into what they were always meant to be. It’s best not to try to make something that is meant to be seasonal or temporary into a lifelong relationship. Let go and enjoy the journey.”

— April Beyer, matchmaker and dating and relationship expert

3. Never take your partner for granted.

“This may sound obvious, but you can’t imagine how many people come to couples therapy too late, when their partner is done with a relationship and wants to end it. It is very important to realize that everyone potentially has a breaking point, and if their needs are not met or they don’t feel seen by the other, they will more than likely find it somewhere else. Many people assume that just because they are OK without things they want so is their partner. ‘No relationship is perfect’ shouldn’t be used as a rationalization for complacency.”

— Irina Firstein, LCSW, individual and couples therapist

4. Remember to take breaks.

“A friend taught me that no matter how in love you are or how long you’ve been together, it’s important to take an exhale from your partnership. Hang out with girlfriends until late in the evening, take a weekend trip to visit family, or just spend time ‘doing you’ for a while. Then when you go home to Yours Truly, you’ll both be recharged and ready to come together even stronger.”

— Amy Baglan, CEO of MeetMindful, a dating site for people into healthy living, well-being, and mindfulness

5. It’s not what you fight about—it’s how you fight.

“Researchers have found that four conflict messages are able to predict whether couples remain together or get divorced: contempt, criticism, stonewalling (or withdrawal), and defensiveness. Together, they’re known as the ‘Four Horsemen of Divorce.’ Instead of resorting to these negative tactics, fight fairly: Look for places where each partner’s goal overlaps into a shared common goal and build from that. Also, focus on using ‘I’ vs. ‘you’ language.”

— Sean M. Horan, Ph.D., assistant professor of communication, Texas State University

 

6. Stop trying to be each other’s “everything.”

“‘You are my everything’ is a lousy pop-song lyric and an even worse relationship plan. No one can be ‘everything’ to anyone. Create relationships outside The Relationship, or The Relationship isn’t going to work anymore.”

— Matt Lundquist, LCSW, couples therapist

7. Don’t just go for the big O.

“Sex isn’t just about orgasms. It’s about sensation, emotional intimacy, stress relief, improved health (improved immune and cardiovascular system), and increased emotional bonding with your partner, thanks to the wonderful release of hormones due to physical touch. There are many more reasons to have sex than just getting off.”

— Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D., licensed marriage and sex therapist, expert at Adam and Eve, and Greatist expert

8. Look for someone with similar values.

“For long-lasting love, the more similarity (e.g., age, education, values, personality, hobbies), the better. Partners should be especially sure that their values match before getting into marriage. Although other differences can be accommodated and tolerated, a difference in values is particularly problematic if the goal is long-lasting love. Another secret for a long marriage: Both partners need to commit to making it work, no matter what. The only thing that can break up a relationship are the partners themselves.”

— Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at California State University, San Bernardino

9. Try a nicer approach.

“Research has shown that the way a problem is brought up determines both how the rest of that conversation will go and how the rest of the relationship will go. Many times an issue is brought up by attacking or blaming one’s partner, also known as criticism, and one of the killers of a relationship. So start gently. Instead of saying, ‘You always leave your dishes all over the place! Why can’t you pick anything up?’ try a more gentle approach, focusing on your ownemotional reaction and a positive request. For example: ‘I get annoyed when I see dishes in the living room. Would you please put them back in the kitchen when you’re finished?'”

— Carrie Cole, M.Ed., LPC-S, a certified Gottman therapist and master trainer for The Gottman Institute

10. Make sure you’re meeting your partner’s needs.

“The number one thing I have learned about love is that it is a trade and a social exchange, not just a feeling. Loving relationships are a process by which we get our needs met and meet the needs of our partners too. When that exchange is mutually satisfying, then good feelings continue to flow. When it is not, then things turn sour, and the relationship ends. That is why it is important to pay attention to what you and your partner actually do for each other as expressions of love… not just how you feel about each other in the moment.”

— Jeremy Nicholson, Ph.D., psychologist and dating expert

 

11. Take care of yourself.

“There is one major cause of relationship problems: self-abandonment. We can ‘abandon’ ourselves in many areas: emotional (judging or ignoring our feelings), financial (spending irresponsibly), organizational (being late or messy), physical (eating badly, not exercising), relational (creating conflict in a relationship), or spiritual (depending too much on your partner for love). When you decide to learn to love yourself rather than continue to abandon yourself, you will discover how to create a loving relationship with your partner.”

— Margaret Paul, Ph.D., relationship expert and co-creator of Inner Bonding

12. Don’t forget to keep things hot.

“Many times people become increasingly shy with the person they love the more as time goes by. Partners begin to take their love for granted and forget to keep themselves turned on and to continue to seduce their partner. Keep your ‘sex esteem’ alive by keeping up certain practices on a regular basis. This allows you to remain vibrant, sexy, and engaged in your love life.”

— Sari Cooper, LCSW, licensed individual, couples, and sex therapist

13. Remove the pressure on performance.

“The penis-vagina model of sex comes with pressures, such as having an orgasm at the same time or the idea that an orgasm should happen with penetration. With these strict expectations come a pressure on performance that ultimately leads many to feel a sense of failure and frustration. Instead, try to expand your concept of sex to include anything that involves close, intimate connection with your partner, such as sensual massages, taking a nice shower or bath together, reading an erotic story together, playing with some fun toys… the possibilities are endless. And if orgasm happens, great, and if not, that’s OK too. When you expand your definition of sex and lower the pressure on orgasm and penetration, the anxiety around performance dissipates and your satisfaction can escalate.”

— Chelsea Holland, DHS, MS, sex and relationship therapist at The Intimacy Institute

14. Create a fulfilling life for yourself.

“Like many people, I grew up believing that marriage required self-sacrifice. Lots of it. My wife, Linda, helped me see that I didn’t have to become a martyr and sacrifice my own happiness in order to make our marriage work. She showed me that my responsibility in creating a fulfilling and joyful life for myself was as important as anything else that I could do for her or the kids. Over the years, it’s become increasingly clear to me that my responsibility to provide for my own well-being is as important as my responsibility to others. This is easier said than done, but it is perhaps the single most important thing we can do to ensure that our relationship will be mutually satisfying.”

— Charlie Bloom, MSW, relationship expert and author of Secrets of Great Marriages: Real Truth from Real Couples about Lasting Love

15. Identify your “good conflicts,” and work on them together.

“Every couple has what I call a ‘good conflict.’ In long-term relationships, we often feel that the thing you most need from your partner is the very thing he or she is least capable of giving you. This isn’t the end of love—it’s the beginning of deeper love! Don’t run from that conflict. It’s supposed to be there. In fact, it’s your key to happiness as a couple—if you both can name it and commit to working on it together as a couple. If you approach your ‘good conflicts’ with bitterness, blame, and contempt, your relationship will turn toxic.”

— Ken Page, LCSW, a psychotherapist and author of Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover the Power of Intimacy.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

You May Need Relationship Therapy and Here’s Why

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

In early 2015, Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard opened up to the media about the key to their happy marriage: couples therapy. Their advice? You shouldn’t wait until there are signs you need couple’s therapy. You should start from the beginning.

“You do better in the gym with a trainer; you don’t figure out how to cook without reading a recipe. Therapy is not something to be embarrassed about,” Bell said, according to US Weekly.

You don’t have to have the insight at the very beginning of your relationship to benefit from couple’s therapy. There’s never a bad time to learn better ways to communicate and deal with conflict.

As a Domestic Violence Victim Advocate and Planned Parenthood Certified Responsible Sexuality Educator, I’ve counseled couples who have run the gamut from mostly happy to inches from fleeing to different countries. Many of the problems they thought were insurmountable really weren’t. They just didn’t have the tools they needed to tackle their problems or the courage to be truly honest.

Here are some of the most common reasons couples sought out counseling, in case you’re on the fence. And if you are on the fence, there’s no rule that says you have to keep going back.

1. Your Or Your Partner Is Pregnant

 

There’s arguably nothing that will change your relationship more than having children. You need to share love and attention, live with no sleep, quadruple your responsibilities, and keep another living being alive. The fatigue alone is enough to make you less-than-pleasant, to say the least. Plus, you have to deal with changing bodies, a new budget… the list goes on. Having someone else to talk it out with can make your transition much smoother.

2. There’s A Lack Of Sex

 

If you’re having a lack of sex that’s more than the common occasional dry spell, you could be feeling disconnected from your partner. Talking to a therapist can help you reconnect, or explore other contributing problems, like lack of self-esteem, poor time-management, or boredom. And if your low sex drive is medical, your therapist can help point you to the medical resources you need.

3. For That One Lingering Problem

 

All couples have problems and disagreements, and sometimes they have to agree to disagree. Some problems, however, aren’t as simple as being willing to look the other way. If one of you wants children and the other doesn’t, for example, you may need help navigating that issue. If you can’t agree on anything, your therapist can teach you how to compromise and make sure you’re making decisions fairly.

Pages: 1 2

Fun and Simple Holiday Dates

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

As the weather gets cooler and the holidays are right around the corner, there is a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to romantic dates for you and your spouse.

Are you looking for some that won’t break the bank?

Here are 10 frugal holiday dates for you and your spouse.

Ice Skating and Hot Chocolate

Whether you are an expert skater or not, this date will be a lot of fun! Skating (or slipping and sliding around the ice together) will give you an experience that you just can’t get during the warmer months. Top your fun afternoon off with a mug of hot chocolate as you talk about the great time that you had together.

Romantic Night In

Is there anything greater than sitting by the light of the fire (in the fireplace) and enjoying the company of the one you love? Add the lights from your Christmas tree to the setting and it’s perfect for a candlelit dinner for two.

Holiday Concert

When looking for a place to enjoy holiday music, you don’t need to head to a professional venue to get what you’re looking for. Look into local high school and college events for a budget-friendly concert that will get you and your spouse into the holiday spirit.

Holiday Lights Tour

It seems that each year more and more people go all out with their holiday lights. What a perfect opportunity for you to make a date of it! We like to bundle up, hop in the car and explore areas that we rarely visit. Add some Christmas music and warm drinks to the mix and you’re all set for a great time!

Holiday Baking

Baking Christmas cookies and other delicious treats is almost as common as sending cards to family and friends…who says that you can’t turn the baking into a date? There will be romance (and flour!) in the air as you and your spouse chat and joke as you bake. This is one of our favorite ways to loosen up and wind down during this busy season.

Build a House

Similar to baking, building a gingerbread house is a great way to get into the holiday spirit. Turn on the Christmas music, pour a couple cups of eggnog and get started on building your house together.

Holiday Parade

The mood created by the anticipation for a holiday parade is unlike any other…the cool weather, the excitement and, with your spouse, and the romance make it perfect for a date. Head to your local parade and enjoy the sights and sounds of the season.

Join the Hustle and Bustle

There is plenty of hustle and bustle to be found this time of year. Looking to get in on the action? Then head to a local mall and window shop, hand-in-hand, as you spend quality time together. Duck into one of the restaurants for a quick snack or head to a local restaurant for a romantic dinner for two.

Volunteer Together

The joy of giving to others is best felt during the holidays. Starting your date by volunteering to serve a meal at a shelter or volunteering in a different setting will remind you about the blessings that you’ve been given. The joy that you feel will lead to great conversation as you go for coffee or dinner after your experience.

Winter Hike

Looking for a quieter date with your spouse? Then find a forest preserve or arboretum and take to the trails. Whether it’s hiking or cross-country skiing, exploring a winter wonderland with your spouse will make for a great time together. Don’t worry…the sparks between you will keep you warm.

Do you have other ideas about frugal holiday dates to share with your spouse? Please share your ideas!

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Holiday Couple’s Issues and How to Deal

by zfortadminin RELATIONSHIPS

It’s not unusual for us to fall in love with people who are quite different from us.

Once the initial infatuation evaporates, those differences will not only become annoying and difficult — they won’t go away. When this happens, “Why aren’t you me?” is the question that underlies our annoyance. “You don’t see things the way I do; therefore, you’re wrong. You don’t like the people I like or value the experiences I care about. Even worse, you fall asleep at football games or at concerts.”

Add holiday stresses to that tension, and the situation can play out dramatically. The way we feel outside the relationship will affect the way we feel within it, and vice versa. Whether you’ve been together since last year or for decades, high-stress periods can cause you to be more reactive and defensive. We give our partner less of a break at just the time when we really need to cut them some slack.

Generosity is key here — that, and a willingness to find ways to tolerate our differences. These efforts are what will fortify a relationship, and keep yours from falling victim to holiday anxieties. Here are a few of the major points of conflict couples face this time of year, and my strategies to handle them healthily:

1. Problem: Money and Gifts

Say you’re the type of person who wants to show your love to everyone in your family by buying thoughtful and beautiful gifts. Your partner, however, thinks Christmas is a marketing scam and is already stressed out about next year’s taxes. You want two parties: one for friends and colleagues, then a festive dinner for the extended family. He, on the other hand, wants one small potluck.

Or maybe he sees gifts as objects of love, while you see them as an unnecessary strain on an already tight budget, or a surrender to commercialism. He plans on getting you a MacBook Air, while you ask, “Do you really want a present this year? You just got some new fishing equipment this summer.”

Solution: No Surprises

That’s the first essential here. Plan in advance and come up with a budget you both can agree on. Factor in gifts, travel, and entertaining, and come up with a sum that lands in the middle: It might be more than one of you wants to spend but still less than the other would like.

Your spending limit will be a difficult decision, but it will be the only one you face on this topic. Once you settle on a dollar amount, you’re done. Agree not to complain, blame, or bring up the issue again.

One of the most common reasons people don’t like giving gifts is that they don’t feel they’re good at choosing something their partner will like. Let’s not view a gift as a measure of our partner’s love. Gift giving is an art. Some people are good at it; some aren’t. Or else they’ve developed so much anxiety about perfecting the selection process, they seldom get it right.

Reminder: Gifts Can Mean Everything to One Partner and Nothing to the Other

The solution is not to try to make your partner see it your way. It’s to see beyond your different points of view to the source of the pleasures that brought you together in the first place.

2. Problem: Family — His, Hers, Ours

A client of mine loves to invite over his big, expressive extended family, with five cousins and four siblings, for a New Year’s Eve spread. His wife tells me she feels like hiding under the table when they start telling bad jokes and seeing who can burp the loudest. For one partner, the happiest moment in the holiday season is when the doorbell rings and family and friends come in to make merry. For another, it’s when the last person leaves, and she can finally breathe.

Solution: Alternate Your Preferences

This is a fair way to accommodate your conflicting desires. When the calendar calls for “the more the merrier,” the more introverted of the two of you should feel free to take breaks, walk the dog, or spend a few minutes outside looking at the stars. At some point during the festivities, the two of you should meet alone for a five-minute connection, just to check in with each other on how it’s going. The one-on-one connection, even if it’s a hug and not a conversation, can give the quieter partner a morale boost as he or she copes with the social whirlwind.

Then alternate the following year and host only a small family gathering. This time the extroverted mate should be encouraged to go out and enjoy other social events during the season with friends or other family members.

Reminder: Nobody Is Wrong

To have these kinds of temperamental differences is fine and normal. The challenge is to make the effort to accommodate each other’s feelings and needs.

3. Problem: Traditions

Let’s say you want to keep the traditions of your family, or of your religious or cultural history, which are meaningful to you at this time of year. Your partner, however, would rather watch movies all day or play games with the kids. You love the music of the season and a big tree dressed with ornaments — the kind you decorated throughout your childhood. He remembers holidays as miserable and just wants to get through them with as little acknowledgement as possible. Or maybe he loves Christmas carols, Solstice parties, or Hanukkah candles, while you find these customs all a pointless hassle.

Solution: Take the Time to Hear Each Other

Then ask yourself this question: “What could I do to make my partner happy?” Empathy and kindness are important here, because this is the way to make room for both of you.

Reminder: Your Differences Are an Opportunity to Create New Traditions

You can combine the things you love to build memories designed by and for the two of you. You might even agree to adopt some elements from the season’s varied festivities to build a holiday celebration of your own. Take a walk in the snow, visit the zoo, have a candlelit dinner, just the two of you, and exchange cards.

Every couple has intractable differences. Most couples face conflict on a host of universal issues: money, sex, holidays, gifts, families, housework, etc. The most effective response is to decide that your partner isn’t wrong simply because he or she is different from you. Instead, look for ways to collaborate. Care more about meeting their needs than your own.

This attitude of goodwill is guaranteed to put you far along the road toward a deeply happy marriage and partnership. The holidays are an opportunity to practice strategies and skills that will help your relationship thrive all year. The difference between couples who fail and those who succeed is less about the quality or number of conflicts they face and more about how they respond to them.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Get Even Closer Together Doing Good During the Holidays

by zfortadminin LOVE

The reason why Christmas is a national holiday, whether you celebrate it or not, is because it symbolically represents the season of giving. Many of the other religious holidays in December including Hanukkah and Kwanzaa are the same way.

Personally, I’m a giver. It’s more fun for me to figure out unique ways to bless someone with a gift than it is to think about what I’m going to receive from other people. Don’t get me wrong. I still act like a little kid on Christmas morning when my wife gets me the gadget I’ve been salivating over the entire year. But, I really enjoy giving to others. It’s a huge motivator and it helps puts life into perspective for me.

I’m sure you hear this all of the time, but think about giving back to the community, especially during the holiday season. Even if you read this article after Christmas or even during the Spring or Summer, it’s never too late. You can be generous any time of the year. In fact, you might put even bigger smiles on people’s faces because you showed generosity during a time when they least expected it.

Here are 4 creative ideas you can use to give back this holiday season.

1. Anonymous Giving

Giving anonymously is great because the recipients won’t know who the gift came from. As a result, they won’t feel embarrassed or ashamed of needing help. If you really want to make someone’s day, seek out that single mother who busts her butt to provide for her kids or that struggling family that works hard but can’t seem to get ahead. Buy a $50 to $75 toy for each kid and a grocery store gift card for a Christmas dinner. If you have a coworker in mind, get to your office or workplace a little early and deliver it anonymously to their desk or locker.

2. Over Tipping

You probably have people in your life who you see regularly throughout the year such as hair stylists, mailmen, dry cleaners, restaurant servers, and garbage men. Some of these people expect tips and some don’t, but during the holidays especially, you can put a smile on their faces by giving them a big tip to show your appreciation. There’s nothing better for people in the service industry than to get a big fat tip.

3. Give Away Your Christmas Decorations

After the holidays, give away your Christmas decorations to your neighbors and other young couples that don’t have much. After all, if you’ve been married for more than a few years, you start realizing how quickly you accumulate Christmas decorations. Decorations are expensive, and you could bless other families by giving yours away and starting fresh the following year.

4. Take a Homeless Person To Lunch

The majority of homeless people I’ve come across are either mentally ill or just had a tough break in life and don’t know how to turn things around. However, interacting with homeless people can be a wildcard at times, not knowing if they’re going to try and hurt you or be cool. Be sure to take precautions if you do choose to try this tip out. The idea is to get together with a few other people, find a homeless man (or woman), take him out to lunch around the holidays, give him a gift card to a hotel to use for a night’s stay, and buy him a new outfit. You’d be surprised at how receptive they’ll be. They’re not all just looking for booze money.

Seriously, try giving if you haven’t already. If nothing else, it’s pretty fun, and the more creative you get with it, the more memorable it becomes. Also, the more you give back, the more blessings you end up receiving because your eyes are opened to all of the good things you have in your life.

How are you giving this holiday season?

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

New Relationship’s First Christmas Gift-Giving Tips

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, RELATIONSHIPS

Tips for the new love in your life.

A few of us this year switched our Facebook relationship statuses from “Single” to “In A Relationship.” If that’s you, congrats! Love is a nifty thing, and we all should cherish it, especially as the holiday season comes around.

But as the gift-giving season fast approaches, some may be confused at how to treat holiday gifts when the relationship is new. What do you get your new significant other that’s undeniably romantic, but not too much?

Liz Parker, a couple and family therapist based in Maryland, suggests perhaps having a discussion in advance so both of your expectations are known.

“Gifts don’t have to be expensive. You can be creative and thoughtful without spending a lot of money,” Parker told MTV News. “Maybe decide to do a fun activity together. Sharing a mutual experience is a great way to build connection in any relationship!”

Here are other things to consider while buying gifts for brand-spankin’-new relationship.

    1. Put thought into it

      Bracelet

      The best gifts are ones that come from a thoughtful place. The best gift I ever received was from someone who bought me this Kiel James Patrick bracelet — and all because I randomly posted it on my Pinterest board months before about how I was dying to have it.

      Pay attention to any problems they’ve talked about and get them something that will help fix it.

    2. Make your gift an experience

      Teen couple skate on lake, boy provides assistance

      If you make your gift an excuse to spend time together, all the better for the relationship. Going ice skating will do — especially if you live close enough to romantic comedy staple Rockefeller Center.

    3. Don’t go overboard

      shave

      Psychology Today notes that a too-expensive a gift too early in the relationship can feel like a bribe. It can also seem like you’re coming on too strong.

      Setting a price point with your partner and finding a great gift will actually show how creative you are, too. If he’s mentioned that he’s sick of his shaving cream, get him this kit from The Art of Shaving.

 

4. But don’t go under-board, either

butter-beer-emma-watson-harry-potter-Favim.com-238145

Giphy

A good way to find this sweet spot is to discuss it. “This helps avoid awkwardness or disappointment between you and your partner if you have different ideas about holidays and gift giving,” Parker says. “Communication is critical to avoid hurt feelings and disappointment.”

Try getting something reasonable-yet-thoughtful like the Unofficial Harry Potter Cookbook and offer to help make Cauldron Cakes and Butterbeer together.

5. Be unique

lampWorld Market

You don’t need to break the bank to impress someone. If you know that summer is their favorite season, get them something incredibly unique to remind them of that year-round like this firefly lamp.

6. Don’t wait till the last minute

Feeling the kitchen heatGetty

Don’t. ? Buy. ? Them. ? A. ? Gift. ? Certificate. ? Even something universal like a couple’s cooking class would be a great way to spend time together.

7. Don’t stress, either

Portrait of a young couple kissing over their meal at a diner, London, United KingdomGetty

Something small but from the heart like a dinner for two at a restaurant where you shared a moment goes a lot further than you might think.

This is the first Christmas of hopefully many more to come, so don’t stress *too* much over a gift. If the relationship is worth it, it will show in whatever you do.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Is Sex Always on Your Mind?

by zfortadminin Sex

At the most basic level, sex and gender are the first defining factors we notice when we meet someone for the first time.

Sex, in this case, refers to someone’s biological gender, and the most elementary definition of gender is which sex organ a person has, and therefore (we assume) uses.

Of course, biology isn’t the only defining factor in how someone identifies. Someone’s biological sex can deviate from their own gender identity, and both biological sex and gender identity are far from binary subjects. However, our society has taught us to judge someone’s gender by their physical appearance.

Beautiful romantic woman / girl brunette lying on the bed in herIf someone’s appearance seems ambiguous, the next question people will most likely ask themselves is what that person’s sexual orientation is. These categories we put people in are the beginnings of a question that spreads through all corners of life: Is sex all we think about?

Advertisers sure think so. Everything on the market is sold to us through sexualizing a product, most often by objectifying women and further defining what it means to be masculine or feminine within our society.

Clearly the formula for making the most unsexy object, like a hamburger for instance, into something sexually appealing is just to have a dripping, tan, half-naked woman seductively putting her mouth around a bun. If advertisers think products need to be sexy in order for people to be interested in them, this definitely says something about our society’s priorities.

Sexual culture also plays a major role in defining relationships. Even today as we move toward a more “gender neutral” world (emphasis on move), it is still traditionally abnormal when a man and woman have a completely platonic relationship, or for someone of the LGBTQIA+ community not to have a sexual relationship with someone they are “supposed” to be attracted to.

The images projected on our society about male and female roles cause relationships between people of different genders to be subjected to sexual standards. There is an idea that the “right way” to be in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender is a sexual one and, if that doesn’t happen, it is written off in a negative light as “the friend zone.”

The base of attraction is sexual: Every time we check out someone — or ourselves in the mirror — are we subconsciously thinking about sex? Even using the term “making love” interchangeably with “sex” has created unnecessary focus on the physical act of sex within our society. This terminology suggests love cannot exist without sex, and sex cannot exist without love. Imagine the pressure.

From the first words we hear in this world — “It’s a [insert gender here]” — our biological sex is the basis for how we create our identity. From then on, there are images of sex all around us: images about how men and women are supposed to present themselves, how they are supposed to act in relationships, or what kind of sexual attraction they are supposed to feel toward each other.

The next time you meet someone for the first time, challenge yourself not to create an opinion confined by sex and gender — you might start to notice how ingrained the tendency is.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

The Best Romantic Getaways in the World for Christmas

by zfortadminin LOVE

With city skylines glittering with illuminations and enough festive delicacies to make everyone loosen their belt buckles a few notches, the Christmas season is upon us once again. The only question is: where should you spend the big day?

Whether you want to soak up the atmosphere of Europe’s vibrant Christmas markets; visit Santa’s hometown; attend Christmas mass with the Pope; or enjoy a picture-perfect white Christmas, here are 25 of the best places to spend Christmas around the world.

1. Austria

2012-12-04-Salzburgsleighride.jpg
With elaborately-woven Advent wreaths, nativity displays and sparkling tree ornaments, Austria‘s handcrafted Christmas decorations are just one of the reasons to visit the country’s celebrated Christmas markets. Salzburg, birthplace of Mozart, delivers a traditional Christmas, with classical music concerts, carol singers and an atmospheric market piled with traditional baked goods, candied fruits and roasted chestnuts. Alternatively, Vienna’s main Christmas Market is one of the oldest in Europe, dating back to the late 13th-century.

Book a Salzburg Christmas Markets tour

2. Germany

Home to Europe’s original ‘Christkindlmarkt’ Christmas market, Germany is one of the continent’s most festive destinations come December. Visit the oldest Christmas market in Dresden, dating back to 1435; Munich’s huge Marienplatz market and Tollwood Winter Festival; or Berlin’s hugely popular Christmas Market, held in the grounds of the stunning Charlottenburg Castle. Make sure you tuck into someLebkuchen – delicious spiced gingerbread — washed down with a cup of Glühwein — hot mulled wine.

Book a German Christmas Market tour and read more about visiting Germany’s Christmas Markets

3. London

2012-12-04-Londonwinter.jpg
The inspiration behind Charles Dickens’ famous novel A Christmas Carol, London has no shortage of festive traditions to keep visitors entertained over the holidays. Expect a spectacular array of Christmas lights brightening up the city streets; vibrant Christmas markets stretching along the Thames River and Hyde Park; magical Santa’s grottos; and ice rinks popping up below the city’s landmark buildings. Don’t forget to tuck into a healthy portion of Christmas pudding, too – the festive dessert dates back to medieval England and the English still swear by their secret recipe, served doused in flaming brandy.

Book a Christmas tour in London and read more about Christmas in London

4. France

Spend Christmas in the world’s most romantic city, Paris, where the city lives up to its nickname the ‘City of Lights’, with a glittering display of Christmas lights – don’t miss the animated window displays at department store Galeries Lafayette. Go ice-skating or shop for gifts beneath the iconic Eiffel Tower; visit one of the many Christmas-themed markets or take a ride on the giant Ferris wheel at Place la Concorde. If you’re in France over the holidays, pay a visit to the ‘capital of Christmas’ too – Strasbourg hosts the country’s most renowned Christmas markets, dating back to 1570, and draws visitors from all over Europe.

Book a Paris Christmas tour and read more about things to do in Paris at Christmas

5. Rome

Even if you’re not a regular churchgoer, Christmas Eve is one night of the year when people all over the world descend on their local church for the special midnight mass service. And where better to celebrate the birth of Christ, than at the Vatican in Rome, with Pope Benedict XVI himself? Papal audiences with the Pope, featuring readings, a blessing and prayers are held year round in St Peter’s Basilica, the colonnaded square in the Vatican city, but few services are as memorable as Christmas mass. Held at 10pm on Christmas Eve, then again at 12pm on Christmas day, make sure you book your tickets in advance if you don’t want to miss out.

Book a Rome Christmas tour and read more about Christmas in Rome

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

LONELY Holidays?—3 Tips on How to Cope with the Blues

by zfortadminin LOVE

When the holiday season arrives, it can feel like the rest of the world is scampering through a winter wonderland of parties and family reunions.

Popular culture and social media feeds filled with celebratory images prime us to believe that our troubles should, in the words of the ubiquitous Christmas carol, be far away.

But the truth is, the dark, cold days of December can be difficult. While we often hear people acknowledge their overeating or overspending or stressing about having too many social obligations, this is also a time of year when many people are deeply lonely.

“At any given time, roughly 20% of individuals—that would be 60 million people in the U.S. alone—feel sufficiently isolated for it to be a major source of unhappiness in their lives,” write John John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick in their book, Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection. And that feeling doesn’t disappear when December hits.

So, if you’re feeling isolated this holiday season, take some comfort in the knowledge that you’re in good company. Then, consider the following salves to soothe your December melancholy.

1. Lower Expectations 

Holiday hype is hard to resist. You probably don’t realize it, but movies and advertisements and songs leak into your subconscious. And suddenly, you’re wondering why you don’t have a tiny wrapped box under the tree or a date on New Year’s Eve, even though you were perfectly fine with your single status in November.

“There are commercials filled with images of couples getting engaged, children opening presents with their smiling parents in the background,” says Matt Lundquist, a psychotherapist in New York City. “What’s particularly challenging around the holidays is the contrast between the ideal and the reality.”

So switch off those jewelry commercials and remember that most people don’t have holidays that unfold like a movie. No party invites? No boyfriend? Who cares? What about hosting a movie marathon with a couple friends? When it comes to holiday plans, or anything else for that matter, you can write your own script.

2. Warm Up

There’s research to suggest that the simple act of taking a warm bath or having a cup of hot coffee might help to counteract feelings of loneliness.

“It seems as if the body can be fooled into feeling welcomed by applying a little warmth in the right places,” write researchers Hans IJzerman and Justin Saddlemyer in The New York Times. “And the effect is reciprocal: Studies in our own lab and at Yale have found that adults and young children are more social after they’ve touched something warm.”

Now, hot chocolate isn’t going to heal your heavy heart if you’re suffering from intense loneliness, but treating yourself to physical warmth could be just the daily boost you need. Interestingly, another 2009 study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology showed that a “warm television” can drive away feelings of loneliness. While it’s no substitute for human interaction, your favorite program might just keep you company for a bit.

3. Reach Out 

Maybe you didn’t really make plans for the holidays—after all, if you’re lonely, then you probably waited for others to call or reach out to you. But if you’d really like to spend the days around Christmas with others, it’s not to late to do something about it.

“I think there are very few people who could not post, ‘No plans for Christmas—anyone want to hang out?’ and not get at least a few invitations,” says Lundquist, who also suggests reaching beyond your inner circle. “The holidays are also an opportunity to build new relationships. Churches and synagogues offer lots of programming and volunteer opportunities abound.”

In other words, take a risk. Make a few phone calls. Find a local organization or a Sandy relief effort still looking for volunteers. You might be surprised to find that there are other people out there looking for some connection just as much as you are.

Loneliness is something we all experience from time to time. It’s not always rational, either—for instance, it’s possible to feel more disconnected from others in the middle of a Christmas party than you do by yourself at home with a good book. But no matter where or when the holiday blues strikes, remember that you’re not alone. Try to keep realistic expectations, take care of yourself, and make a little effort to connect with others in the same boat.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

Why Gay Men Give Great Dating Advice to Straight Women

by zfortadminin LOVE

There’s a unique bond between straight women and gay men, and according to one study, it’s because of the absence of sexual competition. Joao Paulo de Vasconcelos, CC BY-SA 2.0

Guy and woman laughing on bench

The straight woman-gay man pairing has been portrayed in TV shows like Modern Family (Gloria and Cam/Mitchell), Sex and the City (Carrie and Stanford), and Will and Grace (Jack and Karen), among other programs, for years. Over the years, this type of platonic relationship has evolved into one that is not only natural but mutually beneficial as well, especially when it comes to dating. So it’s no surprise a new study, published in Archives of Sexual Behavior, has found straight women trust gay men more with dating advice because of the lack of sexual competition.

Psychologists have speculated the straight woman-gay man relationship has been successful because women experience a greater sense of comfort and trust with gay men than in their friendships with straight individuals. A 2009 study even found women with gay friends felt more sexually attractive and proud of their bodies than women without gay friends — in part because there’s no sexual interest toward the gay man, and therefore no sexual tension. The relationship provides a safe place for both to let their guards down, be themselves, and be honest with each other.

Now, researchers at the University of Texas-Arlington have speculated it’s this lack of sexual interest and subsequent lack of sexual competition that enhances women’s trust in gay men— in part because they can believe the person doesn’t have ulterior motives.

To determine this, the researchers conducted a series of four studies involving nearly 700 straight female students at a major public university in the southwestern United States. In one experiment, a total of 167 women were asked to evaluate mock social media profiles of either straight women, straight men, or gay men. It found women placed greater trust in gay men’s advice about potential mates, but not in their advice about careers, when compared to that of straight people.

In the second experiment involving 272 women, researchers found they were more likely to find gay men as being more sincere when compared to straight men or women. This was especially true in situations where women were told “potentially deceptive” information — which could have led to competition for a mate or a sexual rendezvous.

The third experiment involved 128 women who were asked to read two mock news articles and then complete a series of tasks related to the social media profiles of a gay man and a straight woman. The first article described an increase in women and decrease in men on college campuses around the country, and stressed the competition more women faced when it came to dating. The second article (the control), meanwhile, discussed sex-specific sleep patterns. As you might expect, the first article enhanced women’s trust in gay men, suggesting they found it riskier to trust straight women when competition for straight men was higher.

The final experiment also found women were more comfortable forming friendships with gay men when they saw heightened levels of mating competition. “Unlike other women, gay men do not undermine women when they are seeking out mating partners. Gay men do not compete for the same men as straight women do,” said Vivian Ta, a UTA psychology graduate student, in a press release.

The study’s lead author Eric Russell also completed a similar study in 2014, which found this trusting relationship went both ways — gay men also perceived dating advice from straight women to be more trustworthy than advice from a lesbian or another gay man.

“This line of research provides novel experimental evidence that there is more to the gay male-straight female friendship than just what we see on TV,” Russell said about the current study. “Certain social psychological processes are, indeed, driving these relationships in real life.”

Sources: Russell EM, Ta VP, Lewis DMG et al. Why (and When) Straight Women Trust Gay Men: Ulterior Mating Motives and Female Competition. Archives of Sexual Behavior. 2015.

Bartlett NH, Patterson HM, VanderLaan DP et al. The relation between women’s body esteem and friendships with gay men. Body Image . 2009.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

7 Ways to Enjoy Your First Christmas as a Couple

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE

Spend your first christmas as a couple with a twist!

Find a real tree and chop it down with an axe.

Find it where there’s snow and sprawl out on the ground to make snow angels. It’s one of the only times you’ll experience something romantic that simultaneously gives you the opportunity to pretend you are a Millennium Falcon passenger during a hyperdrive trip. Thank her for helping you pick the perfect tree, even if it’s not perfect. She’ll know it’s more about getting the tree than a comment on the value of the timber. Show her you can tether it to the roof with adequate knots, even if you’ve never been a sailor or a boy scout. (You need be neither of these — you simply need to be a Google practitioner.) Trim the tree together. Give it a little love.

Shop for your relatives together.

Make a big show of separating for a while so you can find her a gift — even if you don’t find something, it’ll show her you’re putting effort into the process. The magic of gift giving can be slightly diminished if the recipient knows that you at least took the effort to put on clothing and leave the apartment to get it.

Get something nice wrapped in a box that makes it impossible to determine what’s inside.

Let her shake it if she wants. Make something to go with it — a mixtape, a card, a napkin holder, a necklace made of macaroni, or a plastic model of a French horn you paint blue and hang on her wall. If it comes from your hands, she’ll appreciate it. This was true in grade school, and is true now.

Watch Christmas movies together.

Say, “[Girlfriend], you’re such a disease.” Build makeshift booby traps for Santa or burglars. Talk about shooting your eye out. Tell her you’ll give her the moon, so she can swallow it and it’ll dissolve and moonbeams will shoot out of her fingers and her toes and the end of her hair. Ask her if Rusty is still in the Navy. Maybe steal the posterboard move from Love Actually.

Celebrate once with her family.

Hug her Mom. Shake hands firmly with her Dad. Bring wine or liquor, but not both. You don’t want to look like an alcoholic. It’s more about the gesture than quantity or quality. Allow her to instruct you on the alcohol purchasing decision. Wear a tie, because it won’t kill you. Make sure you can maintain eye contact, especially with her Dad, even if he looks like he might want to shoot you. Go to church with them if they want you to, even if your celebrations of the holidays are anything but theistic. You don’t necessarily have to participate, and can just sit/ stand there. Many people go to church only on or around the holidays. It’s a thing.

Celebrate once with your family if you’re both comfortable with her coming home to Mom and Dad.

Make her feel welcome, and thank her for being the reason your Grandfather no longer starts every single one of your telephone conversations with “Meet any live ones yet?” Apologize to her for his inquiries into her entire life story. If you can, convey this with a look while they’re conversing. This may not be possible, however, because we are not all Ryan Atwood. Words work, too. If your family is old fashioned, set her up in your bedroom. Tuck her into your bed and point out some of the stuff from your childhood, if your Mom hasn’t already turned your former digs into a “craft room.” You always take the couch, or guest room. If part of your gift arsenal is a stuffed animal, this is a great time to present it to her.

Listen to the Bright Eyes’ or Elvis version of “Blue Christmas” one time and one time only.

Realize you do not need to listen to depressing holiday music this year. Freak out in a good way.

Just before you go to sleep, alone or with her, feel the happiness that comes with having a significant other at this time of year. Hope holiday season after holiday season is similar to this one. Know that even if they aren’t, you will still have this memory.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article

5 Ways to Meet a New Guy During the Holidays

by zfortadminin DATING ADVICE, LOVE

During the holiday season, it seems like everyone has a boyfriend — or at least a hot date. If you’re single, don’t despair. You can find a new guy during the holidays; you just need to know where to look.

Gym

Head to the gym

Park your butt on one of the more complicated machines near a cute guy, then ask him to help you use it. Head to the free weights and ask the nearest hottie if he can spot you.

Go to a sports bar

It’s football season. Head to your neighborhood sports bar on Sunday afternoon. Plenty of single guys will be available. Brush up on your football facts to have some material to start up a conversation.

Brave it alone

Next time you are invited to a holiday party or community event, don’t turn down the invitation just because you don’t have a date. Go alone and you are sure to meet a new guy in the same boat.

Attend church functions

Around the holidays, you’ll find plenty of church functions and charity events going on. Make an appearance at as many events as possible. It’s a numbers game, and maybe you’ll meet a nice guy.

Go to the mall

You have to do your Christmas shopping anyway. Scout at the men’s section of department stores and look for single guys. If a hottie catches your eye, ask his opinion on a sweater or shirt for your brother or dad.

Curated by Erbe
Original Article