There is another layer of vulnerability to the vaginas of women who have been victims of sexual abuse or rape. In my work with women in this area, I see that women cope with this painful violation — which is of the soul, and not just the body — in different ways. Some avoid sex. Some indulge in lots of disconnected sex. Some eat their unprocessed feelings, and put on weight as a way of protecting themselves, with the idea that if they are overweight, they won’t become victims of sexual violation again. These are but a few shades, as each woman deals with this trauma in different ways. Even for those that go through some form of healing, their vulnerability in this area is even greater than women who have not suffered this abuse. Men need to understand this, and women need to honor this piece if it is part of their life’s truth. I don’t think that men truly understand what it means to be penetrated. To have a man enter into this vulnerable place. The only analogy I could possibly offer is for a straight man to experience anal penetration. For most straight men, it provokes vulnerability. Here we are in a society where we are barely able to look each other in the eyes, to penetrate each other in our gaze. Yet often women allow themselves to be penetrated vaginally without an awareness of the sacredness of their bodies. When was the last time you were with a man sexually and you were able to hold each other’s gaze? Do you allow him to penetrate you without being seen? The eyes are the window to your soul. If you’re unwilling to allow access to being penetrated through your eyes, how can you possibly allow vaginal penetration. It’s an act of disrespect. And men, how can you not see the woman, the human being, the soul that you desire? How can you fuck a woman without caring who she is? Women, if you value yourself more, you wouldn’t find yourself with a man who would do this to you, and if you did, you’d walk away. The more you learn to honor what you carry between your legs, the more you will understand its connection to your heart. The more you honor your heart, the more you will be unable to allow sexual penetration of this vulnerable, sacred space.

Couples who have love and trust can explore 50 shades of gray, and every other color under the sun. Sexual exploration is vital to our understanding of who we are, but for a woman, opening to allow those experiences with a man who doesn’t value her, honor her, will make her feel used, violated. Without intimacy and trust between two people, we are violating ourselves repeatedly. I believe that the kind of sexual experiences people are longing to have can only happen in a SATISFYING way if the people involved have that heart connection, that trust, that intimacy. Women, you know. And you must listen in order to take care of your own heart.

In our culture today, so many men are using women’s bodies as receptacles for their pleasure, dismissing and discarding the heart and soul of women. And many believe that women are okay with it. Many women falsely believe they have to comply with “men’s needs” in order to have a man, so they make themselves okay with it. I’m offering a different perspective. Men reading this, I ask you to dig deep within you and try to imagine the vulnerabilty of penetration for a woman, and the pain and hurt you can cause by just not giving a damn about her, using her only to get off on. Even if you think she’s okay with it, even if she says she is, many women are so wounded and blocked here, from so much pain, that they are numb. The harm you do by using a woman at any time is beyond my ability to convey to you with words. I am not asking you to read a woman’s mind. I am simply asking you to examine your motives. If you know you’re only using her for sex, perhaps you could make a different choice. You know what your intention is. Be mindful of that. Find a place inside you that honors women, our bodies, our hearts, and that vulnerable portal you are all so fond of inhabiting. It’s not yours to take ownership of or to use as you wish. Women, you MUST stop allowing this to happen. We have the power through honoring ourselves to put an end to this. We have the power to educate men with love and grace by simply standing in our own self-love and self-respect. We don’t have to make men wrong in order to change this. I also believe that when women honor men and stop vilifying them, men in turn will honor women. When we understand this simple truth, our relationship to each other will be transformed, and we will learn to truly serve each other.

With love & blessings,

Gina